Back to the basics

my Illustration friday: Moon
it's nothing amazing,hope to find time to do something else:)




bigger size



a colorful background

Now answering to Mich always inspiring spiritual post that helps me orientate my sharings of soul.
"
A new moon teaches gradualness and deliberation and how one gives birth to oneself slowly. Patience with small details makes perfect a large work, like the universe."
Rumi

The Moon card invokes the mother archetype in each human being, so tonight I ask these questions:"

Are you safe?

It depends, this question opens such a vaste space.
I have felt very unsafe on this planet after the 11th september event.
I also lived a very located tornado, well surely nothing like the twisters there are in the usa but as I was not used to that kind of weather at this truly shocked me very much.
since that event I had anxiety disorder I also have lived a sort of mild amnesia of the year 1999/2000 because too many things happened, I'm not even sure it was at those time...

then during depression I had this sensation this feeling that things were not straight, how to put it, I felt the world was rickety,I mean bent , I can not explain, but walking I often felt dizzy when I thought about it, as if our planet was not in its axis

My life was weird, I remember avoiding university a lot.

Nowadays I don't always feel safe, but safer than I used to.
well I'll never feel as safe as in childhood & teens, because we're aging and seeing everything with more acuracy.
I feel safe with my person, with my life, I try not to care about what others will think of me except from my friends and family of course but I do what I want, and live the way I want to.
I am still trying to feel safer thanks to being more balanced, making peace with everything in me about me, accepting my eccentricities, flaws etc.



Do you help to create a safe environment in which others may thrive?

I try to embellish reality,not to deny it not to reject it but to make it a better place. I try my best I guess to make a difference even a tiny one, I scatter roses of the soul here and there to bloom, I take care of my own garden and it spreads beyond hopefully.


Are you comfortable in the darkness of your own soul?

I think pretty much. It again depends on my strength and energies at the moment. Sometimes I can be comfortable in darkness because I get the awareness that I have to get trough and clean, shed some lights and sparks.
My own soul will never betray me and for that wherever I am I'll be ok.
I know our spirits have their own seasons and I believe we learn evolve and enjoy in those contrasts.

I am safer in the darkness of my own soul than in the dark alone boooooooh ;oP
I'm like children, I think of ghosts and such ahah, and I see the shadows faces oooooh and each tiny noises is perceived as potential danger, I'm a real paranoid neurotic ahahah


Are you protective of those who are especially vulnerable among us?

Of course!
I am not a mother yet physically but it's all inside of me, I am very protective,worried for my beloved ones, I love taking care,listening,helping
It is not only to say yes nice I'll be useful!
I love being useful and giving meaning to my existence in doing good things,improving things,spreading the lights around, but I mostly prefer to take care of my beloved ones.
I just know my empathy is big and whenever someone needs comforting my door are wide open because I know what Pain means, I know the suffering of the soul, the lacks, the needs

I also love vulnerability, I feel I'm a teacher even if I also can learn so much still by other teachers, I am one at my own stage of life.
so I enjoy being able to teach people the ways to find and build their own weapons( strength)
my only rewards in this is to have been able to make some feel better, feel themselves and happy to be who they are.
It is important for me that people know how to love themselves,inner peace and being fine with one's life is the path to Peace.


Do you take good care of yourself?
yes I do, I think it's very important.
I was so wrong when I was younger.
Obsessed to save souls to forget myself, to live useful only and live for others because I hated myself, this life,mine especially
everything was so painful, I felt a healing break in Empathy but that was not the better way to be me, to live my life,to love myself and create my own bliss!

Now I do take care of myself
mostly my soul, I think I have let aside my body too much due to being a cerebral.
I have thought the mind was enough.
I thought growing spiritually was enough to feel balanced.
Now I am seeing things differently.
I am trying to take care of my body, listen to it more.
healing my root chakra.
I'm feeling much better. I love taking care of myself in general,dressing up,make up etc
but less and less nowadays surely because I dont go out much and dont have a social life.

I really hope things will change soon.
I take care of myself with an healthy life: healthy food, healthy sleep, meditation,yoga, I think I should do more sports thoughts
I have walks out with sebastien but I should bike or swim, maybe jogging? but I dont like it much...
I also take care of myself, listening closely to my inner self, making the right choices, asserting myself,not being ashamed of my feelings and way of thinking.
I think I've grown a better friend in me with time.

Thank you Mich for those questions:)
feel free to answer if you want to:)

Will you make art for me if I die?

23x31cm on watercolor paper

" I want to be loved here & now and even beyond this life ,not to be forgotten, echoing in your hearts so please paint me write me sing me draw me poetize my soul and what you see of me through my big eyes which are so often surprised
love me so that I dont/can't die make my heart vibrate to the loving echoes don't leave me alone breathing each day love my beauty forgiven and accept my ugliness see what I really am under the bitter rind the softness of my fruits,through my paintings my bittersweet delights I'm so in need of Love that sometimes I'm chocking I forget myself and I die and rebirth in my poetry but if tomorrow I die I only ask this from you will you paint for me let me live again in the emotion juices of your watercolors ,in the waltz of the words of your writings reassure me I am so scared sometimes Forget me not Love me love me love me even if I'm not here anymore.
God loves his children
God loves his children
God loves his children..."

Confusions

late improvisation

**************************************************************************
Who am I
confusions like delicate pointed star chains entangled around my mind
I breathe I close my eyes
the missings
distorted views in the mirrors of my soul
the feeling of same feeds me with delusions
How much we love to dance with rains of illusions
So blessed & yet bleeding beneath the wings
Who am I
Repeat the sybilline dots that will say everything
for me now
Perhaps there is a truth behind that curtain
Or maybe is this again little miss Molasses
who takes pleasure torturing me
The hiatuses make me forget for blind I may be safe
This all can be untouched unscathed
Who am I
When I found those alleys that make me sigh
Wondering if in parallel lives I am really the me I am
or if this twin in the lookin-glass is my reality
The path written for me

(...) to be continued or not

I'm just fine...kinda sad & feeling the sheer loneliness in the depths of my heart.

Poem IF

24x32cm on watercolor paper, butterflies look 3D stuck with thick double face tape

available

Fullness of Life not avoiding not denying and accepting

What does abundance mean to you?

this is what we've been asked at virtual circle

Abundance is a strange word to me I rarely use.
All I know is that I get it sometimes.It is like waves,phases of beautiful gentle waves back to me...as if anytime when the tide went back and I was so alone,desperate and the sand all dry...I could still hope,stand still and wait for the next tide to come back to me.
I saw at the first answer by another spiritual seeker she talked about the flow!
that's it totally.
nothing more than this.
and as another Priestress said" what you resist persist" people can read, people can understand but they won't apply it to their life.
they will just say it's beautiful thinking. why not then trying to living this way?

Anytime something was bad in the Past I would sort of deny it reject it and it would come back to me like an avalanche or some painful hurricanes, I would stiffle, panick and still not be okay to let go to admit it and to find another way out of this...
Denial...

Abundance is when I finally accept myself inside out, that everything gently improve
when I stopped wanting it all at once
when I just live and love now
Abundance is ending the fight not because we think it's lost or tiring but because it's better to live what is and focuse on the beauty.

I have worries, I have sorrows in my present time, I dont write much about them lately because I have been changed, I have walked another stage.
I bend but never break.
Some of my paintings and poems still cry for me, but I smile, I cherish I savour and I Love, yes I love and pour my heart deeply
no matter what.
Maybe I am wrong maybe I'll be hurt, and also maybe I often still I dont get enough for all the things I give.
But abundance is acceptance and not obsession of the wanting, it is giving freely...because each time I have lived in the capricious me me me wanting more, why am I not seen, why me, why do I feel this alone, why my ache, why not hearing me, it leads to painful obsession,and the downward spiral.
Sure venting is good relieving, but one must for their own sake remember the gratefulness the path of Lights...
not that the hurt and sorrows should be erased and forgotten because of the beauty and love we get back of course not.
but to alleviate the load of the missings and aching sorrows maybe celebrating what we have here and now: Love, friendship, soul sisters, family,health, beautiful home sweet home, money to eat and treat ourselves,skills,qualities,beauties and so forth...
Maybe the way out is through remembering why we still can smile, why things are still worth it!
Abundance also comes more easily when one stop thinking of others way to think after how we behave, how we think,how we write etc
abundance comes with freeing our soul from any judgement even the worste: our own;)
and this applies well to myself, as I am so mean to myself at times.

Abundance is the avalanche of imagination crashing sweetly in my attic mind, the rain of shooting stars, the hopes that are still there, abundance is being healthy,not that ugly,rather brainy, being aware of our skills, beauty and celebrating them not being ashamed because others will say you're showing off you're narcissistic and other bullshits because these judgements are their own insecurities!

I am not a self centered over narcissistic woman, I am not a " better than thou" kind of person, even if I acknowledge the soul I am and show myself.
I resist any judgements because mine can be so cruel, but I'm making peace, I'm more gentle to myself than it used to be:)
the fact I receive amazing flows of compliments emails and sweet kindness always touch and surprise me, I am not all blah and think it is just fair enough.
I am surprised.
not even that I dont deserve it, I dont want to work this way anymore. I want to accept the love, the compliments, the welcoming feeling of soul sisters, friends out there.
It is abundance, it is beautiful.
I am so grateful for that. each of your words, comments,sweetness, make me smile, it means a lot to me always and you are thought of and remembered, you touched my heart my dearest friends!

Abundance is opening the doors to your soul garden, to search and give what you want to get back. to plant the flowers you want to see blooming in your own heart.

thank you Mich for this questionning, I always enjoy thinking after your posts!

Psychoanalyse yourself

1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who is with you.
My soul, my Faith,God and Goddess


2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
a unicorn:)

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
she comes to me peaceful and she shows me the way after saying a sybillin poetic riddle:)


4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your DREAM house. How big is it?
like an Indian Palace, enough to welcome friends and family


5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
not necessarily or maybe a flower fence:)rose bushes?

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see on AND around it?
a letter and lots of bouquets, paintings


7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
a tea cup in porcelain

8. What do you do with the cup?
just put it on the table


9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
a lake, a very serene place with weeping willows and lilac trees


10. How will you cross the water?
with a little boat and paddling

___________________________________________________________

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You’d prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.


well okay did this meme for fun, not to take too seriously ;)

Pouring liquid love on the crying flowers...

what do you see behind those clouds?
what do you see behind the rivers of your eyes?
Lights shedding their nectars you only see the debris in a shroud
Who am I? nothing...maybe sugarcoat on the wounds
You dig deeper the darkest earth cover up your gaze with dust
but I'm blaming the heart that is blind & deaf
When mine is freely singing like the bird you can't see
you can not even pick the stars upon the tree
Indulge in your sweet lethargic contemplating the missing
You can not even celebrate what is rare & giving
Is this all for nothing am I filling an empty well
Making wishes for you & still being but a ghost maybe
Should I be the ear when I'm the heart and you are the hurt
I've found out your thorns and your reefs but I'm still swimming
Can you see, do you care or is this all going to nowhere...


**********************************************************
just some denied tought love bitter pill

Oh it's raining! beautiful!
How much I love the rain in summer ^_^

K list

1)kismet, love this word:)
2)kiss, love them but not by anyone...I never enjoy kissing cheeks to say hello to complete strangers or people I dont really care that much...

3)Kandinsky, a painter I love
4) Klimt, ditto
5)kharma, beautiful word, I believe in it to some extent, I try to have a good karma to do to others what I want them to do for me, to be like the one I'd love to love, to give what I'd like to receive as much as I can...

6)Keepsake, love them very much,but I'm a sentimental:)
7)ketchup, I think I eat too much of it, I eat it with french fries, fish,mashed potatoes, pasta, even with omelettes when I ever eat omelettes which is rare( once get to hospital due to eating raw egg in a mayonnaise and I really thought I would die! it was my worste hospital time...I was so thin,awful!!)

8)keyhole and vintage keys I collect the latter ones, love the mysteries of keys, of what they open , the metaphore of them too, the poetry of them...it s an important symbol to me.

9)Kindness for free, being human not just bored ...I have seen some people wanting to be kind to others to feel interesting, to feel important, to have the right words, it was not real sincere kindness, it was not really fake either, they share kind words, and can lift up a soul, but it often makes me feel they are more interested in how their speech will be perceived by the person and others rather than really having an impact and seeing another one feeling better, finding her way,it should be more detached like this...does that make any sense?

10)kindred, beautiful word, meaning...

11)kitten, too cute
12) kitty ,hello kitty, something I love ^_^ but my fav must be my melody or charmmy kitty :o)( helenina,mental age: 7 years old)

13)knowneldge: vital...I need to learn and grow this, I need to understand, to comprehend this world and humanity and myself more, and accept more...



title: I am a witch

23x31cm on watercolor paper

she has less strength than I wanted
I like her face ,not much her outfit, I wanted this to be stronger and thought provoking about the witch hunt that still exist, about the fact they need to fear and hate, and reject what is not LIke them, what does not follow their rules or way of life.
I wanted it to be feminist art in the sense most religions are male leading and women oppressing( in the caricaturized way maybe BUt still)
when witchcraft , green witch, witch of knowledge are free, independent women who chose their own God/Goddess, their own spiritual path not needing approvals.
They know what they are doing and following their heart.
They may pick things here and there to each religions to stand up for their own religion that might be called Faith, beliefs rather than a religion that will impose limits and rules which is not sane and healthy for the Spirit that needs to breathe, expand, evolve, fly...

I'm ten years old again ^_^

so this week I have received my art trade with Helene Geraud la fée who creates magical fairy wands, heart trees,wands in pot like a plant for wishes;) lovely brooches and pockets


I was so spoiled as she added surprises in her amazing package ^___^
I got lovely brooches you can see at her blog and a lovely violet pocket.


She also offered me things to use in my art woooh oooh,it was xmas in summer:)
I feel oh so lucky to have had this opportunity to come across her artsy soul :)
but I dont say so to be envied or something I just want to share my bliss with you ^_^


I think that picture is my new fav :-)
I love love love whiteness purity, enchantement of elvish lands ;);)





voilà!
so now I bet some of you will want a wand:-)
I am never into making advertisement for others but it's 59 euros and definitly worth the price :-)
I think it's an amazing gift for a little girl, something precious and unique!
but for a big children like us all friends it's even better, one of the best gift, because it makes you feel back in touch with the fae child inside you, it makes you feel you're ten years old again, it's wonderful:-)

I am tidying and changing the whole bedroom, putting the bed in another place etc, to make a change, to start my new life even more, though we might move this year but still not sure when...

went for shopping for food this week and could not resist to show you my fruits basket:)



because I have read about healthy diet of tribes in foreign countries, who lived old and didn't have any serious disease, which shows that an healthy diet is the best ever
eat fruits and veggies my friends!
yes I have also bought cucumber, tomatoes and carots, but could not put everything in the basket;)
it's seb that is going to be happy ^_^
no he did eat some veggies too:-)

Hey Chantal, thank you so much for the beautiful Karyn Gartel card, I love it!thank you for sharing your joy, I so understand because she is a great artist, and I love it when she makes it simple, she opens new horizons:)
thank you for your kind advice and reminders!


latest artworks


nothing amazing but I have spent lots of time on it and then I was not completely satisfied, it happens, but it s ok:)

It's made with a picture of she who flies
I remembered wanting to make art with her picture since a while and so now it's done
it talks about self discovery
why then I did not take a pic of me?
well first because I made it for her and also because I wanted to enlarge this to self discovery in general
to tell others there is no age to begin introspection and getting to know our deep self
it s never to late to be in touch with our spiritual path and grow,learn, evolve...
in the pebble it is written "through"

reminded me alanis songs
the only way out is through...
because sometimes we get frustrated, we feel not enough and we want a quick fix, we dont want to get through that journey of self discovery through our worries, doubts, impatience etc
we can not really healt and get to make peace with our two sides if we dont get through it
I loved that song because I have also lived all that alanis talks about, I m feeling much better now, but it's beautiful to see we're not alone in the way we've evolved suffered, learnt and so forth



title: You're alive! Celebrate!
it s about 21x20cm and it's available.

Ok what did I forget? I am in a hurry so forgive me the quick writing so random ;)
ahah
I went to the hair dresser with my love sebastien



played a little with photoshop to make childish cute digital art

again nothing amazing, but in this the most important is that I enjoy myself :-)

My H list( not sure if that was the last letter I was at, but nevermind, I am so forgetful wonder if I will arrive until z ;)

1)honesty, very important, I feel dirty and uncomfortable when I am not completely honest...I think a life without honesty especially to oneself is full of sadness, so tragic

2)Hopscotch love love the word and the game, it's also in a song by bel canto, how much I love bel canto

3)haven, the room inside my soul where I can close my eyes and feel safe

4)hurt, a beautiful word, for the sound, but of course it's sad to feel it...yet hurt always inspired me...maybe was it a way to fight it? to turn it into beauty and creativity?

5)hecate, love this goddess of the Moon, of insanity and of the underworld...because of the passion behind it

6)hierarchy, eeeeeeek no more comment :-)

7)hands , love them very much, helping hands, touching hands, holding hands in sweet or tough times...too bad I still can not draw them that well

8)hippie chic, being gypsy and elegant ;)

9)hypocrisy, well what could be said about this?too bad/sad for them...

10)hyperboles, loves them, love to exagerrate;)

11)hysteric, me when I see a furry spider :D or any kind of black unidentified insects:oP

12)higher understanding: learning, teaching ,sharing,connecting with the unseen world, with God/Goddess,helping myself and others...

I & J list...yes why not :o)
1)Illusion
2)Intense
3)Illustrator, I want to become one...I am one already but haven t been published or chosen yet for it
4)Imagination, what would life be without?
5)Innamoramento :-) beautiful magical
6)Inspire
7)Inside
8)Inner garden


1)Jealousy, something interesting to analyze and decipher why we could feel that way?
2)juice, like fruit juices, I love that so much!
3)judgement...silly, waste of time, who are we to judge, and yet I know I have been judgemental many times...silly human beings we can be :o)
4)Jade, the name the stone, pretty
5)jaded, love the word, but not the mood
6)jail, sometimes we create our own alas...and we have the key to set ourselves free
7)jacuzzi, wish I had one but it's my luxury drawn side:) I think and forget,it s allowed to dream:)
8)jewel, love them! since I am 3 years old, have pictures,it s so funny, I used to wear two different ear rings;) so cute, I was already an original ;) ahah
9)joke, enjoy people who joke, who are funny,lively,entertaining:-)
I like when people dont take themselves seriously,and though it does not show here, because maybe I'm more cerebral than a joker, I really can be funny, well at least I make my father & sebastien laugh oh and myself quite a few times ;)
10)joy, beautiful name and feeling evanescent though
11)junkie, supposed former soul infatuation junkie ;)(reference to alanis album)
12)June, I think it's a cute name, months are weird as name but june and april are very cute:-)
though in France people would not pronounce it beautiful so I wont choose these names;)
13)japanese marble tree!
14) japanese fruitsy fashion
15)japanese manga, cute stuff, japanime etc, seb is hooked on these things:) we'll have to visit japan one day:)
16)Jen, of course...because it might be a very popular name in the world especially in the usa, but there is only one Jen in my soul garden:)I heart you dear;)

I have received a RAK

Windy Angels blog

thank you Wendy, it's touching to have inspired your beautiful words!
Blessed be!

Getting to know you for create a connection :RAK

1) When you were going through a rough time in your life, what did someone do to help get you through that period. (you don't have to tell us about the rough time if you don't want, I just want to hear what helped you through it)

I have had many rough times in the past and my friends even if they are not there anymore because they've preferred to leave my fairy garden did a lot to me.
I receive amazing gifts, I have been lucky to be listened to and heard, via email or letters.
I have had this luck to receive Random act of kindness via postcard x.net
It was lovely.
The latest one from px trully touched me...

I love rak
but to be honest even if I adore surprises and gifts, the best random act of kindness, is coming across a soul,noticing her, listening to her, reading her and wanting to give her some understanding.
its all in the unseen, the feeling of a sincere humanity.

I love that, and I always pay it forward!


2) Have you ever been on the receiving end of a RAK? What was it? How did it make you feel?
Recently my friend Chantal offered me a great package with a mixed media magazine and beautiful paper:) it was a great surprise as she had already sent me some beautiful papers with an art trade recently, so it was very unexpected,I was touched of course.
it makes me feel very LUCKY to have come across with lovely souls like she.


3) Have you ever sent out a letter/greeting/bunch of flowers to someone, just to cheer them up? Did you do it anonymously?

of course ^_^ I love to do that, sometimes I want it and can't find the time, but if I can afford it I do it, sometimes I love to leave anonymous comment to cheer up a stranger because I can relate to their stories

I think it's even better when you do it anonymously because it's mysterious & it is really an act of kindness with nothing expected in return:)
just for the sake of beautiful kindness for free :)


4)If you know of another good website that encourages spreading joy and love, please pass it along.

postcardx.net
but alas there are people not very friendly there who plays to delete your profile, or who insults you etc
it s a bit boring
and of course there are greedy people who just want to receive.
so right now, I prefer to rak my true friends and soul sisters, because I don't have enough money( not at all) to give gifts to any and every one:)

Besides it is so warm in the heart to prepare surprise gifts for the ones you really care about, it's more special, especially handmade surprises!

the best rak I can do right now are offering my ear and understanding if anyone need to speak ,vent, and feel heard...I am there,just email me, it can also be anonymous, I'd be happy to try and help you, sincerely:)

Have a sweet day!
chores day today: errands and cleaning
For Goddess's sake when WILL I BE ABLE to make some art!!!!(it s been about 4 days now, I am going crazy:p)

Create your Own Future

Mich asked us at virtual circle to clarify our goals, to see how we do Create our own Future...

"Reflect on your goals and write them down ... to help bring them to reality publish them on your blog, or create a dream-board or mind movie. Remember to stay positive - for example don't say "I will become more positive", put it in the future tense and say "I am a positive person with a great future!"."

To help you get started, think about the key areas of your life:

It won't be easy for me to answer all these questions ,Future is still a big Worry to me, I try my best to live in the here & now , or sweetly endulge myself in nostalgia lands;)
and well right now Is a very complicated time of my life because I have to find the place to live for more than 3 years, a place to settle where I will be fine and able to create my own art business , have my children and a place where my love can find a good and interesting job for him...knowing all our financial difficulties, well all this does not sound like a peace of cake but sure yes I am positive person with hopefully a great future;)
I often think at my paternal grandma, she often told " You will be happy don't worry"
she said this with such conviction I could not do anything but trust her words:-)
and well so far I'm doing pretty well, in spite of the chaos and worries ^_^




Where you live

Well Really I love our apartement, spacious enough for us, but not for a baby, we need another room for him/her...
But it's true if I have to say what I think here and now, I'd say I really love the place where I live, the place I call home.
I dont like Cambrai much, but maybe if there were more nature surroundings and also more things to do,interesting art shops, museums etc not to mention more employement maybe it would be a place I could live my life,but no really it's dull and boring here;)
and I wish to live at the countryside near a big city, hopefully Lille, because it is where my business could work...
I see things, I visualize great things and I wish I have the strenght and will have the health to do everyting I want to!
Except from that I love living in France,it's a small country but to me it looks big because I haven't seen it all of it, wish I could travel in my own country a little more in the future when money won't be such an issue ^____^ yes I have a great Future!:)it's coming, I have to stay open and motivated, I have to trust and believe!


Lifestyle

:D this makes me smile ^______^think we have a bohemian lifestyle
I have been unemployed for years so I am used to have Time on my side, to do what I want, to do what I love( well like any desperate housewives I have to cook, clean, wash, run errands, the best fun of this life mwahhahahah)
but I enjoy my lifestyle, the little problem is the routine.
because since Sebastien was a student, moneywise our life was very limited, so now I'm ready to see things in big, him to work and earn a good wages and him able to take me out for dinner, to take me out for a romantic weekends, that would be wonderful!

I think our Bohemian lifestyle is that we are very free and sometimes not very organized both of us ahah, it shows a lot in the livingroom, so messy certain weeks
and the bedroom which is my studio is the Messiest room I've( you've) ever seen...so I am dreaming of a real art studio, where I could be freer:-)
we thanks to me have an healthy diet which is great, we don't eat macdo or well once or twice a year but really it is to please sebastien, I try to escape from junk food.
But we love pizza but don't eat it too much either.
I don't eat meat or very scarcely,but I eat fish and sea fruits a lot.
I have read somewhere that a tribe from some country I can t remember where ate lots of fish and sea fruits and they live very old with NO serious disease.
I try to eat more vegetables, but it's not easy with sebastien who's very difficult!
It's amazing how men are difficult for eating fruits and veggies!
I dont smoke and don't drink alcohol...Ok I have drank cider last month but it s what twice or three times a year:D


Work
work is something so weird to me...I dont know what to say.Entering society with a daily job, something I would not really enjoy or do only for money is a very depressing idea to me though I am quite aware that what most people do.
they dont live their life in silly introspection they live it with the tough side of it of accepting to be exploited, mistreated, never seen and complimented for the good job you did etc
It s sad...this reality is sad
but I'd say to these people not to care, we do what we do for ourselves...I dont know...

I have done many jobs. I know I liked and needed my work to be seen for what it was.
if people don't give a damn then I wont give a damn either.

My work right now is MY passion: I am a full time artist.
That is how I perceive things now:-)

and I am oh so grateful for the fact my work is SEEN, heard, understood sometimes
that is so touching
sometimes it happens that someone will just leave me a mail, a comment at my website or blog,or livejournal to tell me how I inspired them to go back to art, how they felt understood and could enter and relate to my story telling in my art!

It is Bliss, it is the magical power I want to use!
not to healt the world ahahhah, I used to be that idealistic, but at least to do small changes that can bring new other small changes, like a Pay it forward thing!

It is so important to me.
Yes more important than a wages.
I am not meant for this real world, I know sighs I am unhealable ;oP

Yet my work brings with the beauty of connection, the fact I can touch others and also get to know them because we see as creative beings that we can relate to each others world etc
I also have Time, which is great...
well I say I have time but it s funny because I am always busy;)

I just know I am not a slave to the wages, I know I can quiet things if I want to, I can have a day off etc
but I enjoy being busy with art projects.

Right now my work as an artist does not give me enough money to live but hopefully when I'll have my art shop ready and all the other things I want to do ready maybe slowly many doors will open to me, I know I have to be patient.
Sometimes I think that maybe a month or two without internet would do me good to do all the things I have to do;-)



Money/financial

this is the big issue of my life. I have been rather poor since 2003,since I decided to follow my love in this dull city where I knew my long unemployment...
I have been used not to be able to buy extra things
I try to spare money.
I also try to think money is not everything and to think of what I really want.
Sometimes it is weird, I feel I dont want anything or the things I want are too expensive, like having a house, a family, a normal cute quiet life ^_^

but what bothers me with the money issue is that I will need to ask for a loan at the bank for my business and well it is not something I enjoy...
and of course my project has to be well done, well thoughts, with figures, with business plan , detailed etc
so that they will follow me and lend me the money I need...
it s so scary...

I hope sebastien will soon find a job so at least we'll have one secure wages.


Love

I am blessed to have sebastien by my side. Sure we've had our problems.
I just can not imagine my life without him.
I can be myself with him, we can talk about everything. I have no secrets for him.none at all.
Even the worse he knows ^_^
I love him, I would need him to surprise me more, to sometimes be proactive to break the routine a bit, to do silly things...routine is something that bores me a bit sometimes.

I want to have a baby with sebastien hopefully next weeks, if things are fine, but I am worried now about my health...& if I'll be able to have a baby...etc
and all the pregnancy and delivery scares me more than in the Past, weird??
in fact I have always wanted to have a baby, and I never thought of the pain or the worries during pregnancy, and now I just think about all these drawbacks...maybe I am just afraid, it's so unknown...



Family & friends

I love my parents, with they had a better health but till now I know things could be worse,so I am lucky and blessed to have still my two parents and to be able to talk and have fun with them and to share and remember the past etc.
They are so important to me.
I can't imagine the world without them and whatever happens in my life I need/want to share it with them always.
I always loved to tell them anything , everything.
It's great communication in a way to be able to tell it all to our parents, to be oneself, never to hide etc
It's great:)

Friends are the cherry on my apple pie ;-)
I don't have them here nearby, no one to hang out, no one to speak to face to face, no one to sing with or to have a hang out in the forest to take pictures, to dream and make magical Earth altars, no friend to play girlie things( make up ,exchanging clothes, shopping etc)no friend to make art with or to go to the swimming pool or yoga class with...
no friend to at for dinner or to sleep and have a pyjama party ^___^reading fairytales, sharing secrets, gossiping and enjoying laughters and silences together


BUT all this said,I am very Happy with the soul sisters I have, I love you, I don't say it often, you are true friends, you are away but you always cheer me up, you have the right words to help me, you try to understand me, you are there for me & I am so grateful for your friendship.
I don't say hollow promises but if you think you are my friend and I am your friend you have to be aware that you can come in my garden anytime I'll always be there for you, to help the way I can,to listen, to be silent, to cry and laugh with you.

I think I am a good friend for I am a good listener, I have a great capacity to understand others's feeling because of my own story and my deep sensitivity & I am also very frank and honest always :-)

do I need more? do I feel alone? lonely?
well I'd say no ,no/yes, yes :)

I feel lonely when I get bored by routine and having less connections, having less time to share with my most special friends
I love getting to know new people always, share, discover, I love being surprised
But I am a deeply believing that old can be new if we always try to work out the link to make it shine always to surprise the other:-)

for instance Chantal you've really surprised me lately and I enjoyed that a lot.
Maybe I still need time to trust in our bond but I know I have a friend in you and your in me ^_^

I am blessed with the beautiful souls I have met, I don't feel anymore in a quest for the spiritual sister... though life can surprise me...I am very in bloom, my garden is full of flowers all so pretty lively fascinating, bewitching and so interesting:-)
each of them has their own special and unique color palette ^_^



Health

well until now I have been lucky :) so I live my life in a healthy way,doing sport, eating healthy ,drinking water and tea:)

but I've just been to the gynecologist today ,was no fun, no fun at all :(
I have a strange pain and so I will have to do an echography to see if things are fine.
she said there was no abnormality so I hope it's ok...
I must say I am easily worried when something looks wrong and has to be checked out...
knowing the next apointement is only in late september...GREAT I have months to worry...
what if I can't have a baby?
what if it's serious?

"hey helene dont be silly you know you're always worried for nothing at all"( my inside voice talking to me :D)
I hate not to know...if something is wrong...
oh and I have never done echography, the idea of drinking so much water and not to pee oh my!!!!it sounds difficult for me!!

I know how Health is important,I do my best to take care of myself and of seb's health too:-)



Spirituality


I am on the right path, learning, improving, enjoying the person I am, growing, finding peace, finding answers and paths to be aware of in my chaos
I am more balanced.
I believe in God/Goddess
I am inspired by Hinduism and buddhism as philosophy and I don't name my religion Paganism or whatever

I was so shocked about that woman who wants to condemn Harry potter!

with all the respect I have for American people there is really a lot of bullshits over there, well we'll say it's bigger than France, so more bullshits are to be expected of course...
but when I see that they want to forbid Harry potter's book in a library and that she is crying at the trial ,oh my!!!
how far can people go in the so called Name of God?

why did God said Harry potter was evil?

that inspires me an artwork, brace yourself ;)mwahaahhahah(evil bat grins)

if Harry potter is so evil thanks Goddess we're in the 21 th century:)or else I would be burnt like a toast:-)

Because yes I am a witch of Light, I believe in something else than Religion.
I love Jesus and Buddha & that's enough for me to know what is good, what is the right way to go...
I believe in purity, freedom of rites, freedom of speech and I don't agree at all with imposed religion, with forbidding things.

I just do not understand people who believe in their religion and NEED to force it on others, to prevent their children from discovery of what life is and how they could think, no they have to follow and think the same way like in jeovah witness sect...

or worse the sick scientologist, when MONEY rhyme with religion you think mob dont you?
and those people think they are what so good so right? is it hype to be a scientologist???
where are their minds?

my respect? well sure they do what they want but I still have the right to loudly disagree with such things.

I have also seen terrible things in the usa, Religious camp where they made children or teens pray for hours till they are in some kind of trance, so weird!!
and all the pro abstinence.
I understand the point...but it's silly.
The idea of getting married to the first man you make love with and no after wedding, well it s a way of a life, something I hardly understand...

as a pre teen I remember questionning that, I was very religious in the past.
I chose Jesus over anything surely because of my vietnamese grandma:)
I had a strong faith in God and thought I was christian or something...
I haven't had any religious teaching... I taught myself.
I wondered if I would have sex before wedding...I thought about it more and more as I grow as a teen.
I am very glad I have always lived in the respect of my faith and of my woman body.
I'm also glad that from being religious I finally chose the spiritual path.
I dont go to church but when I travel I love visiting churches and monasteries.
I love each religious place, the silence and beautiful atmosphere where you feel so safe:)



Gratitude


I am grateful a lot, maybe I could celebrate this more, in complaining less:)
I am grateful for my life, my health,my art, my friend, my love, my family
I am glad to be alive and to know it's a luck, a chance we have to not take for granted:)
so my friend, take your chance, make the best of it, love love love and begin with loving your self with gentleness

Blessings

self portraits creative fun time

I'm glad I have been featured at Desire to Inspire

OOh it's raining!! I was waiting for that:)
the so warm weather arrived all of a sudden and I can hardly breathe!
my weekend was nice at my parents, got lots of emails and some letters & packages which made me smile( thank you again Chantal;)







I've taken lots of self portraits, but it's per phases you know:)
more to see at my flickr:)

I've made ear rings with buddha's heads so spiritual and pretty:)


I'm feeling fine but tired due to the weather and should write a to do list because I'm getting really busy once again...

I'm dreaming of holidays to the beach,just hearing the waves, gently crashing down


As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world… as in being able to remake ourselves.
-Mahatma Gandhi

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.this is to have succeeded.(Emerson)

this one makes me want to make art with it...I just love quotes, always such an inspiring echoes in the depths of my inner worlds...

To postpone Death, Live & Love now...

This is what I wrote for the dialog friday at create a connection, if you don't know create a connection, go have a look, it's a beautiful place to interact with beautiful creative and kind souls!



I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.
Anais Nin

We always say that life is short, times flies and all these things to remember it's Time Now ,here & now to enjoy ourself, to take risk, to say we love, to love, to live the moment in spite of the way we can look, in spite of what others will say or think...

I love that quote by Anais nin.
It reminds me my path, the way I live , the way I always cancel death, the way I may talk about it in art but to say, go catch me, I am way too alive for you!

I am amongst the silly dreamers who wants to live forever ;)
I always want to live above life and to remember this is a Real Luck to be Alive!

Some people are struggling for their life, for their health, some are fighting for freedom...
I feel I have to remind myself each time this blessing of being alive, of breathing, of having health, friends, family & a brain to think, a soul to dream...

I postpone death by Loving deeply, by sharing my soul, and living in the offering of me, pieces of me, for the ones who want, who have something to take, to feel understood and less alone...
I postpone death by poetizing existence( I have this blessing to see the world of the unseen and to not stop on the surface, I always dig deeper and sometimes I guess it makes people feel weird when I speak 'familiarly' to them because I want to believe we can all be brothers and sisters), making art, loving with passion like in fairy tales! art ,thinking and writing poetry is a big part of my inner life, I scatter the inner garden of all my dreams in the real world, I make it look real to me, it feels so good!
I am very thankful to have dared to go this artist's path, because I could have chosen to give up, to choose the wrong and never LIVE the real me, inside, let her wither and die...
and I know I still have a lot to do for my artist's path if I want it really and to be a full time artist who can really handle a living with her art.

I also love dressing up like a fae child, to entertain myself, to feel my youth and eccentricities are still there and I am so alive, I can still swirl in my fairy skirt even if I am already 28 I can sing and dance if I want to ^_^
I free my mind, I accept and tolerate my silly eccentricities, I dont ever refrain myself from being me because of the proprieties?(good manners?)
I just let go, I speak loud if I want to, I tell the truth, what I think
I keep being wildly spontaneous, even if I know I surely look ridiculous sometimes :)
but whatever :)
I mean ridicule hasn t ever killed anyone has it?

I think to postpone death of any kind, as it can be metaphorical if we look deeper underneath...
I let my inner fae child live and speak her mind!
I forget my age and other's eyes, I love and I am real.
This is maybe the best freedom I have ever found.

Taking risk is also very important, because don't we then feel more alive?
when we give up , when we abandon ourselves , because it's too late, we're too old for this and that and nobody cares after all...all these things make death win, and take pieces of our breathing spirit!
so I take risk to show who I am, to love and to lose the ones I cherish, though losing them because they have better things to do is much easier than because it's their time :(

I always think about death , strangely enough when we see the life and childhood smiling melodies of my art, but death is the last door, and I'll never be ready for that!
so I have to live and love now, more and more!
I also remind myself not to dwell too much in the egocentric laments whenever I feel down...I open myself, I share my worries and sadness with my dear friends, because it's also a way to postpone death, we often think we might bore them to death, we might look so childhish to be sad for fuss, but our friends feel touched when we confide, it shows we trust and value their friendship!
It shows we can count on them!We believe in the light they can scatter in our dark gardens.

I also have postpone death by suffering and making mistakes a lot in the Past, I needed that to learn, to feel passion of life...I remember the sad past and maybe finally all these things were just a need of Love, not a real wanting to die and give up, by suffering I clang to what was real and essential to me.

I am so happy to be alive, so tell me creative souls out there how do you postpone death? do you LIve/love enough each day?
do you sometimes feel you've lost too much of your time in procrastination, self doubt, lack of self esteem, fear of daring?

you can answer here, or if you are inspired to write a novel about it ;) ;) write at your blog and put the static link of your post here, I'll be happy to read your thoughts, thanks for taking part and reading:)

Many blessings and a beautiful weekend to everyone!

and here my latest artworks:


title: Where is my hurt?
23x31cm on watercolor paper


a handmade postcard(for a friend)


15x21cm(for a friend)

(for a friend)




for a wonderful art trade with a fairy:)


for the one art squared a day series( I am trying to finish this collection,then I'll do something different)
title: Whenever I miss her




title: Inner Garden Beauty
24x32cm on watercolor paper
the words say:in her soul inside her heart, wounds and flowers
and just above the window: first day (all words in French)



title: Athena's Whispers
23x31cm on watercolor paper
the words say: a strong friend in you

Athena is the Goddess of Friendship(not only) and she shows the limitlessness of what a smart & creative woman can do...

and now some pictures I've had fun to take last week:














my sebastien, alias, Pampe Le Mousse ^_^

Inside War vs Inner Peace ( We need both to learn to love to fly)

my inside war, my doubts, my deep anger...
we had promised ourselves never to abandon us again, never to give in never to give up
we promised never to Judge again...and we keep doing it,hurting ourselves...





this one cheered me up, I needed sweetness
I love sugar!! :-)



This can a confusing artwork due to the title, but I love "confusing" others ;)
eheh

In fact it was inspired by a letter of a friend who wrote a sentence that echoes to reminiscence of an old land, mine perhaps?
she wrote she did not want to live, reaching a lack of taste, lack of passion for life, lack of strength
I was so moved...

Then the quote by A.Camus
"there is no Love of life without Despair of life"

and this is so true
We reach the rock bottom, we love so much, it aches
the beauty of this life, giving, wanting to be useful, diving and forgetting ourselves in the charms of abnegation, shedding ourselves way too thin too much...
unable to say no.
We need to be needed
this devotion linked to this amazing love for life can lead us to the despair...

Because maybe there is no Glory for the devoted
Of course there is the Pay it forward, I believe in that but not always
I also can see selfishness, egocentrisme, self centeredness

and why wouldn't we be selfish?
We have the right to want something back?
we are human.

We need to be seen and loved too. we need higher understanding.

so this painting is not about " life is a bitch" at all ^_^
I am not that girl anymore ahah, thanks Goddess!




the title for this one is inspired by tori amos song, so sad so angry...
it's sad to see our beloved ones slowly fade away because things are not that easy to handle always...



this echoes the inside war.
still flowers are growing in spite of the greyish skies
but of course without rain there is no flowery gardens...naive but true ;)




this is made as a potential collage trade for Helene
fee un voeu

this charming creative fairy sister of name, gently posted kind words on my collages and wanted to buy some, which truly made my day
But then being touched by her elegant and childish fantasy world I decided to have an art trade with her :)

It is for me an honour, because I really love the beauty she makes and because it's so different from me, it is so marvelous, such a luck and existing to have these opportunities!
I am lucky and I know that!
It is also very reassuring in time of doubts and inside wars to be cheered up by kind strangers:)

like signs of angels and fairies...




and here it is me, shyly playing at photoshop, ahah I'll never be a digital artist, no patience for this thing
It was just for fun, to try :-)

Now Mich ask us this
"What do you fill your cup with each day?

Now is the time to explore this esoteric question. Seal the cracks in your own cosmic vessel so that you may soothe your soul and revitalise your life force."

I will make it short though I'd love to write and think again ^_^but I have an impatient love and the harmony is broken due to having just one computer now till next week maybe?( we made a deal but I can't say more)
so he will be mad if I spend an hour more on the computer when he has to work on it ;oP

so I feel my cup with:

- thinking: may it medidating, vizualising positive energies to feel better,sharing lights for others...there is no day without me diving in the core of my mind to dig some gem and pebbles and anything to pave my bridge through this existence...

-art of course, even when I dont create anything, I get inspire, I think about what to do next and the colors and ideas dance in my head, I know I can do something sometimes I get stuck with bad vibrations and low self esteem...

-Inspiration..quotes, wisdom, reading others, wandering on internet, being touched inspired, contemplating the beauty of humanity,of this Earth,traveling through mind or virtually...

-positive energies, if it's not mine I am so lucky to have luminous soul sister and magical witches of Light around me, who are inspiring women, they have the power to really spread their positive energies, I can feel it in my work,in the way I grow/evolve and in the sharing. It is beautiful,soothing, I thank you for this!

-writing, may it be just a word, a small poems, a letter,a comment here and there, writing is a way to reconnect to the self and to others, to build a strong self, to be true and naked to dare to be wrong and just be ourselves with no gloss no pretense
a deep deliverance...I need that
It's important and relieving to say it all...nevermind if it's sappy bullshit sometimes or not sugar coated words...
Denial and keeping it all to ourselves is self emprisonment.

- music, the melodies of Nature, birds, the humming of trees,the rain, or of course any and each of my cds, I also enjoy singing,a way to let go, to disconnect and to free my mind :-)

there would surely be more to write, but for now it'll be enough
Beautiful weekend to everyone, may you be fine and feel loved***

Photo thursday: I spy

create a connection, thursday photo challenge
Katherine asks us to take a picture with any and everything we could find around us so I have had fun gathering some lovely things in the messy sanctuary of mine ^_^

so there is:

- a small journal in which I write poetry, it is a gift from dearest Jen and means so much to me! I love it, a sentimental gift ^_^

-charms and metal embellishments that I adore using in my artwork but as it's expensive hum I m rather collecting them for months and using them rarely;)
I have a stupid fear since childhood: to lack of things I love.
the same for friends, to lose, to have less, less of them...I am like this for everything
so I try little by little to heal this, using things...i try not to care, not to worry...because it is silly,material, I know it costs money but if I have bought it it s better using it no??o_O

this is why I collect stickers and kawaii letter stationnery
a sheet and envie of each in a box, I use the rest but still rarely
I am weird or someone does the same???

I think I am the same for make up products, I need to take care of this obsession!
that's maybe why I buy books and don't read them, how silly I am...
the fear of ends again?

ok let's go back to the picture will you?

- there is a green pen offered by my father for my 15th birthday, I remember not enjoying much the color of it, but when I looked at the price( yes ashamed but that is me, I can not hide the true me, I love that to see the price people pay for me, I know it's sick but it belongs to my childhood story maybe, I dont know...)I was kind of shock, it is so silly to pay an expensive price for just a pen???o_O
but that is really something I love in my Father, he is so generous, seems not to care about money just love to please the ones he loves!
He is so like his mother! and I loved her so much :)

so this pen has a story, a soul,so many memories
he was with me for my baccalaureat I am quite sure!
I took places to other exams with it, I travel with it
etc
- then there is hello kitty :-) love cute things
- a letter because there is always a letter somewhere in the room, ready to be replied to, this one is so beautiful, creative,a real surprise to me, let's be honest I rarely receive that kind of letter...I don't want to judge a book by its cover but honestly fairysoul can be seen and felt in such letters!
that's what I like!

- a deck of fairy divinatory cards
- ear rings
-my engagement ring
-swaroski rhinestones ,love them <3
-a bird plush, a fairy wren, offered by an Australian friend whom I haven t heard of in a while now? where are you?
-goddess knowledge cards offered by Chantal la fée:-)
-a beautiful pink flower barrette
-paint
-prima flowers
-glitter(we all need some fairy dust here and there)
-a mixed media magazine, one of the first I bought at ebay, will surely buy some
I would like to get a year subscription will ask santa claus, but well dont know,it s a lot of money and well I am not sure I would have time to read it ;o)
I still haven't yet read the 3 I have now so... ;)that's just me!!
- a vintage photo

well for more, have a look at the picture ,click and read the notes:)

PLEASE feel free to take part to this dialog day I have done:
dialog day by me

Blessings***