tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17726011007888804622024-03-13T05:12:25.321-07:00Helenina's SanctuaryHélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.comBlogger192125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-25569404372570933752011-08-05T00:46:00.001-07:002011-08-05T00:47:50.895-07:00<div style="text-align:left; width:450px"><object id="myWidget" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://fr.blurb.com/assets/embed.swf?book_id=682383&locale=fr_FR" width="450" height="300"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><param name="movie" value="http://fr.blurb.com/assets/embed.swf?book_id=682383&locale=fr_FR"></param><a target="_new" href="http://fr.blurb.com/books/preview/682383?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget"><img src="http://bookshow.blurb.com/bookshow/cache/P939826/md/wcover_2.png"></img></a></object><div style="display:block;"><a href="http://fr.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/682383?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget" target="_blank" style="margin:12px 3px;">In The Name Of Kali by Helene Deroubaix</a> | <a href="http://fr.blurb.com/landing_pages/bookshow?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget" target="_blank" style="margin:12px 3px;">Make Your Own Book</a></div></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align:left; width:450px"><object id="myWidget" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://fr.blurb.com/assets/embed.swf?book_id=2376197&locale=fr_FR" width="450" height="300"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><param name="movie" value="http://fr.blurb.com/assets/embed.swf?book_id=2376197&locale=fr_FR"></param><a target="_new" href="http://fr.blurb.com/books/preview/2376197?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget"><img src="http://bookshow.blurb.com/bookshow/cache/P3253530/md/wcover_2.png"></img></a></object><div style="display:block;"><a href="http://fr.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2376197?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget" target="_blank" style="margin:12px 3px;">The Sacred & Poetic Feminine by Helene Deroubaix</a> | <a href="http://fr.blurb.com/landing_pages/bookshow?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget" target="_blank" style="margin:12px 3px;">Make Your Own Book</a></div></div>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-77497854198547605052010-05-04T22:54:00.000-07:002010-05-05T00:08:03.649-07:00I guess this is goodbye<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4489161918/" title="april by the water by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4032/4489161918_aeeeb600d9.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="april by the water" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4516738899/" title="Pouring citrus on the shreds remembering the stitches by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4063/4516738899_838e6aedb0.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Pouring citrus on the shreds remembering the stitches" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Call up memories from the taiga<br />whiteness of all the beginning of fairytales<br />Bear in mind some winters can be the coldest ones<br />Volodia!<br />Volodia!<br />The snow is covered of the shreds of your paper heart<br />who will read your screams now<br />behind my steps each of your clouds<br />Volodia!<br />Volodia!<br />Some under the pink taste like lemon rinds<br />We are the readers and the makers of all those heartbreaking stories<br />blankets of remembrances<br />we hold it dear in spite of thorns the smell of the roses<br />Volodia I can feel you in the ether of my reveries<br />your frozen ghostly touch on my shoulder<br />Like all the pain your sister can remember<br />Volodia the trees are too high<br />And your light is fading in the blinding landscape of the borealis forest<br />I cannot heal your misery<br />yet I know how it touched me<br />Some of them poured citrus on the shreds<br />how many slices of nightmares<br />layers of heartache<br />stories to tell you at night<br />words in your hands<br />tears in mine<br />my brother , my double, my twin, my fiend I love you so<br />we are the tellers of hell and glows even with our lead load of lows<br /><br />(...)<br /><br /></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4520556328/" title="Russian Lad by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4032/4520556328_eba26097b8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Russian Lad" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Fall sweet fall<br />Like a muddy torrent from hollow eyes<br />somber brother<br />sometimes we are so severed<br />nerves collapsing<br />brain cells bleeding<br />for some respite<br />Show me that marrooned island<br />Show me some soothing antarctica land<br />Mary's hand fell down<br />I still don't know why<br />But I need this dark bench to lie down for a moment<br />To let my soul moths write and pour<br />All the words I am way too drained to write <br />He could write for me while I tried to fall asleep<br />(...)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4545250049/" title="Lands of illusions by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2781/4545250049_3192e963ed.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Lands of illusions" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Passion<br />Passion<br />Passion<br />Fruits of the most delicious juice<br />I lick the pain I love<br />If you please hurt me more cut me more<br />slice of a life I cannot live alone<br />Passion<br />because I cannot walk naked<br />I need to be dressed in you<br />I cannot sleep alone<br />I need to be a dream of you<br />Write me down<br />In the most gorgeous way<br />under white sheet<br />with the most somber ink<br />Make me bleed your highness and glows<br />Passion<br />Passion <br />Passion<br />Torture me on the coldest blue shore<br />Thus I will give you more(...)</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4545119615/" title="Mes désirs celestes by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4045/4545119615_493de0cf8c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mes désirs celestes" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />My little hell<br />Icicles under sheet<br />And I fall always deeper<br />cutting my soul to my needs<br />Where is this shore<br />where you would be <br />where my one and only<br />wouldn't mind playing in my mud<br />wouldn't be afraid to be stained by my passion<br />Celestial needs<br />Give me your sky<br />I won't be afraid of your clouds<br />They can whisper in my eyes<br />My tears would wash it all away<br />It hurts so much all this silence<br />I twirl like a ghost and nobody sees<br />barefeet on my way to nowhere cuz everyone hate me<br />Cupide the spears have burnt me so bad<br />His name under my skin<br />but still no arms around<br />I lick the emptiness in my hands<br />I walk naked in the garden<br />Waiting for the night to wrap me<br />In her darkest ocean with no stars<br />cuz nothing shines for me<br />I am no bokeh queen<br />There is no beauty under my sparkles<br />Can somebody teach me how to stop to need<br />Maybe then I could begin to love<br />my own<br />my hole<br />Maybe I could start embracing all the magic within<br /></span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4562092145/" title="les mots à l'envers by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3010/4562092145_b907664ef2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="les mots à l'envers" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4562670416/" title="My Little Empire by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3238/4562670416_5bf69c85c9.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="My Little Empire" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4570707740/" title="Family Portrait by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3528/4570707740_e070461ec8_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Family Portrait" /></a><br />I adore this family portrait, but pervs still find something arousing about this.<br />how pathetic for them.<br /><br />I am a bit bored of perv and stalkers at flickr.<br />It really is just annoying and does not make this place as fun as it used to, though there are so many beautiful and inspiring souls there!<br /><br />I have decided to stop this blog because oh my I would have way too many things to write and I would not know where to begin!<br />How beautiful life is now Nina's in our world ^____^<br /><br />Everyday wakes up on Nina sunshine :o)<br />she makes us cry , smile, laugh, she is wonderful.<br />She surprises us.<br />Now she's even trying to have conversations with us, it is oh so cute and funny, it melts our hearts!<br />the sounds she makes and we repeat the same way,just as if we were talking together!<br />it makes our connection more real, I just can't wait to hear her talk in fact!ha!<br /><br />I am not too nostalgic for now because as she grows now she only wakes up at around 5am so we sleep at night, which is wonderful<br />but the night have always been rather easy with Nina since she's home, it's the day that she does not like much ^___^<br /><br />especially the mondays !<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4568303710/" title="Love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4005/4568303710_cb46659c46.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Love" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4567686477/" title="Nothing as sweet & beautiful by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4020/4567686477_bdfbf9d051.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Nothing as sweet & beautiful" /></a><br /><br />Nina is the center of my world.<br />I feel like protecting her, doing the best so she can grow with trust in us and in herself, in the world too though honestly lately the world has really depressed me...<br />that awful black tide in Louisiane, it has me woke up all stressed in the night, wondering how many dolphins will die, and what about, how many polluted fishes are we going to eat?<br />it's so bad, so sad...really.<br /><br />I was depressed last weekend after the news on tv, because I felt so sad and worried for Nina, what kind of world are we going to leave to our children?<br />this just breaks my heart.<br />we are so careless, so selfish.<br />They keep on making money and working and then don't give a fuck about those birds eating the polluted fishes and all the ocean turning black...<br />I hate to see this.<br /><br />Well fortunately I have an optimistic husband who always tries to cheer me up and remind me there is still beauty in this world and well perhaps mankind will change, evolve for the best and respect Mother Earth better?More?<br />Hopefully.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4569974339/" title="Shiny Happy Lovers by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3465/4569974339_4bc8871761.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Shiny Happy Lovers" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4569989167/" title="As One by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4027/4569989167_f8a12e9c0d.jpg" width="500" height="366" alt="As One" /></a><br /><br />anyways love still remains, in so many kind of ways.<br />it is positive and reassuring.<br />Hopefully all this beautiful energy can help this world turn the right way,find the right path for a better future.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4570506452/" title="The sexy mom by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3460/4570506452_642e177993.jpg" width="500" height="350" alt="The sexy mom" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4574499273/" title="Tell Me Why ( la solitude féline) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4052/4574499273_eb9af46b29.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Tell Me Why ( la solitude féline)" /></a><br /><br />I have taken some sensual pictures and I felt rather fine with my new body and really I would not mind being more rounded like this, I am not into having a diet at all.<br />I really enjoyed the curves,as for the little belly it does not matter much either :)<br />I am proud of what my body has been able to create!<br /><br />I look at Nina and I can't help feeling this amazed, I did this.we did this.<br />Even if she grew and put on weight, she's still so tiny to me!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4560268758/" title="jrnl pages 2010(just before Nina's birth) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4046/4560268758_abdd31fff3.jpg" width="475" height="500" alt="jrnl pages 2010(just before Nina's birth)" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4559837183/" title="jrnl page april 2010 by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3133/4559837183_6f15bac5bd.jpg" width="443" height="500" alt="jrnl page april 2010" /></a><br /><br />Sometimes I also believe people don't enjoy your happiness, at least if they are not happy themselves.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4557631555/" title="Ninours by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4043/4557631555_1fd3cdfa62.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="Ninours" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4557240442/" title="♥♥♥Mes amours♥♥♥ by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3253/4557240442_d975c791b4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="♥♥♥Mes amours♥♥♥" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4554251548/" title="La plus jolie des petites filles by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2760/4554251548_7051116661.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt="La plus jolie des petites filles" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4489109592/" title="Yes I remember Her Sister by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2804/4489109592_daa8fe0c2b.jpg" width="500" height="499" alt="Yes I remember Her Sister" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4553453045/" title="musique de peau by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3122/4553453045_f4a75f5f33.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="musique de peau" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4553452853/" title="Avalanche of plethora of out of focus desirederata by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3009/4553452853_2b8f823115.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="Avalanche of plethora of out of focus desirederata" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4553451807/" title="A hint of dream & the sea of sighs by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4010/4553451807_30e8ecca87.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="A hint of dream & the sea of sighs" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4547305035/" title="Peace of me by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4033/4547305035_0fc18b2bf8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Peace of me" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4481694432/" title="The last Milestone (worse than I could have ever imagined) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4054/4481694432_c1e4a0906f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="The last Milestone (worse than I could have ever imagined)" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4480830033/" title="Yet I can forget the taste of hell in your eyes by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4055/4480830033_47a02d4fb4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Yet I can forget the taste of hell in your eyes" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4504352767/" title="Tide Is On My Side by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4053/4504352767_dc24943c2c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Tide Is On My Side" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4504352761/" title="Karma by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2699/4504352761_25d2f73ac0.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Karma" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4480597899/" title="true by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2766/4480597899_fcbdb78f62.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="true" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4481694428/" title="A la folie & plus que tout by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2794/4481694428_55368d7ea4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="A la folie & plus que tout" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4543914196/" title="beautiful moment by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4066/4543914196_6ee571c140.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="beautiful moment" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4543080076/" title="What more could I need? by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4057/4543080076_09c65bb65a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="What more could I need?" /></a><br /><br />really what more could I need now?<br /><br />I am blessed.<br />I have never been this happy.<br />Everything is the way it should be.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4542432467/" title="nina june by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4064/4542432467_f03340347b.jpg" width="500" height="384" alt="nina june" /></a><br /><br />I go to bed thanking God/Goddess for all this bliss that I will never take for granted!<br />Oh of course I am still exhausted,have some anxiety/stress but it's all washed away with Nina's smile and seb's hugs and kisses :)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4517537375/" title="nina by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4032/4517537375_4e72e096cc.jpg" width="500" height="475" alt="nina" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4522541223/" title="Mon immense bonheur by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4065/4522541223_4754550d89.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mon immense bonheur" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4482244314/" title="Ma chérie by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2686/4482244314_3d411ba8d2.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="Ma chérie" /></a><br />this one above is surely of my fav pic of Nina :))<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4482208208/" title="Mother and daughter by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4007/4482208208_ee3dddaf21.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mother and daughter" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4504337343/" title="Baby love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4011/4504337343_cfa4944aa4.jpg" width="500" height="366" alt="Baby love" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4484030491/" title="Juste être là by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2713/4484030491_3c97bb1191.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Juste être là" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4483199671/" title="us3 by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4006/4483199671_e6146e1621.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="us3" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4496572466/" title="She and I forever by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4039/4496572466_f77e41547a.jpg" width="500" height="438" alt="She and I forever" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4496533374/" title="Nina by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4023/4496533374_6e04270930.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Nina" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4510432736/" title="La vie Apaisée by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4016/4510432736_137f1c228b.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="La vie Apaisée" /></a><br /><br /><br />I will keep on writing poems/songs, tell stories, heartbreaking fairy tales inspired by the souls that I came across or memories of past existences, parallel lives.<br />I will keep on painting, making collages and of course taking photographs.<br /><br />But blogging is too demanding and I have to prioritize things I want to keep and the things that I'd rather let go.<br />I also don't feel the need to write and share my life the way I used to.<br />I believe during many years I have been sharing enough.<br /><br />I will perhaps keep updating the spiritual blog<br /><a href="http://soulcoachingmusinghealingsearching.blogspot.com/">awakening the inner source"</a><br />because I still have things to share and inspire but I'll do whenever I have the time and I'm in the mood.<br />I have things to write about of course but lately my mommy time is more precious than anything.<br />and Gosh how much I hate to feel the guilt of not writing back to penpals or emails,and not sending written letters...it also makes me want to stop penpalling but I know I love writing and sharing written thoughts so I will keep writing if my penpals bear with me and are patient :o))<br /><br />same for emails, I do reply even if it sometimes seems to take ages,it does not mean I forgot about you.<br /><br />Writing this blog has helped me a lot, has made me connect to souls who could relate, it has made me able to get to know me more and also to release my energy,my passions and so forth.<br />I remember how it was soothing on my very bad days.<br />it was cleansing and helpful to write down my thoughts,to bare my soul, to dare to show the real me fearlessly.as always.<br /><br />thank you to all those who have followed me.<br />May you be blessed!<br />Life is wonderful ,everyday is always a new beginning, so many things to love , to keep learning,discovering, admiring!<br />Each day has its bad or sad/lonely moments and also its sunshine!<br />we can always be surprised, touched and inspired!<br />I don't need anything more now.<br />Just to be able to keep enjoying my blessings/passions.<br /><br />this was my 200th and last entry.<br />Blessed be & namasté!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Throw your dreams into space like a kite and you do not know what it will bring back a new life a new friend a new love a new country. <span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span>(anais nin)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4553504729/" title="Throw your dreams into space like a kite and you do not know what it will bring back a new life a new friend a new love a new country. by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3432/4553504729_8a96d92dd3.jpg" width="500" height="437" alt="Throw your dreams into space like a kite and you do not know what it will bring back a new life a new friend a new love a new country. " /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Take The Time To Celebrate Each Of The Precious Things Of Your Life</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4510689252/" title="Take The Time To Celebrate Each Of The Precious Things Of Your Life by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2026/4510689252_9b6a3133dd.jpg" width="500" height="371" alt="Take The Time To Celebrate Each Of The Precious Things Of Your Life" /></a>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-56092077676293443252010-03-30T00:27:00.000-07:002010-03-30T05:08:31.788-07:0010 th of march 10 hours going deep down in Hell to fetch my daughter paradiseI am not totally recovering from the pregnancy and birth fatigue.<br />Only those in my case can understand this I bet.<br />I try my best, I have naps, I eat well though honestly I don't have a huge apetite lately.<br /><br />Today in the morning I felt sad and lonely as Sébastien had to go back to work after his "father holidays".<br />I can handle Nina alone, but I do miss my love.<br />I am just so eager <span style="font-weight:bold;">for a time just the three</span>( okay Takun can come too;)<span style="font-weight:bold;">the four of us somewhere, anywhere...</span><br />But I believe in the quiet country house, it'll be perfect.<br />with memories and also the beauty of all beginnings as parents.<br />I am eager for summer holidays.But still so far.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4456361999/" title="Hands by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2681/4456361999_e399cf8885.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Hands" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4450754635/" title="our little comedia dell'arte by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2745/4450754635_2328640ac8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="our little comedia dell'arte" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4447187369/" title="The sweetest thing by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2803/4447187369_fb02db358e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="The sweetest thing" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4457154008/" title="Gold dust by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4006/4457154008_1b57158241.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Gold dust" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Time flies honey time flies<br />Egraine t-on alors nos bonheurs comme une myriade de perles dorées scintillantes qui volent au vent<br />si je goutte chaque perle de rosée et les gouttes de pluie sur mes lèvres<br />je savoure ce printemps<br />je vis profondément chaque instant<br />même s'ils m'échappent<br />je les fige<br />tes sourires<br />tes soupirs<br />qui font naître nos échos<br />mon petit coeur d'amour<br />est ce que les bonheurs finissent tous toujours un jour<br />(...)</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4440808878/" title="after birth by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2704/4440808878_4597b26a2e.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="after birth" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4447278811/" title="Tender Hug by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4024/4447278811_08a66ed19d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Tender Hug" /></a><br /><br />Now I am going to bare my soul so bear with me and my honesty and need to share and vent, or just don't fucking read.<br /><br />strangely enough on that day I complain & couldn't bear being pregnant any longer(post of the 9th march)I got the first contractions<br />very bearable<br /><br />then at around midnight it was stronger<br />we decided to go to the maternity<br />I was not sure what to do<br />I was talking to a girl on a forum who was having contractions too<br />it was nice to share & get some support<br /><br />For this I am very grateful to forums where I've been able to vent share & meet such lovely women!<br /><br />we went to the maternity got a monitoring & we came back home<br />I hardly slept that night due to the contractions<br /><br />so when you have slept two hours the previous night, isn't it so hard to be the next day in labour for 10 hours?<br />Goddess how profoundly exhausting this whole was!<br /><br />the next morning I was stressed and deeply emotional.<br />I got a flower bouquet from my parents in advance for my birthday and Goddess knows why I burst into tears I haven't cried for centuries if I ever had.<br />I did not know such tears.<br />It was a whole of emotions, a mix of thoughts, maybe things linked with past and future existences, I cannot explain.<br />I was crying so loud and laughing at the same, like totally out of control with my deep emotions.<br />A really strange but cleansing moment.<br /><br />Sebastien kinda laugh at me, he did not understand why I was in such a state.<br />Guess people would say: ha women! hormones!<br /><br />I must say that even if it was a loud and weird deep crying as if somebody died I felt really good to let it all go, I just couldnt contain all those tears.<br />I broke a dam & poured my soul emotions, past ,present, future.<br /><br />then we ate lunch & went to the maternity.<br />The contractions were then more painful and more regular.<br />My cervix had thinned, labour was on.<br /><br />To see the state of my cervix was a terribly painful experience!<br />Because Nina's head was very low, thus the midwife had to go deep down and under Nina's head...if you are a woman you can imagine how painful this can be!<br />I never moaned and growl out like some wild beast you know.<br />It was so weird, of course after I felt like apologizing, I just could not control my body and how the sounds came out of me, it was just too painful, hard to bear without screaming!<br /><br />Plus I had a male midwife so I looked in seb's eyes who understand without a word that I was even more scared!<br />male means bigger finger thus more pain...poor me!<br />But he was a real nice midwife, with long hair, a really patient,sweet and understanding/reassuring midwife!<br /><br />I never insult neither shout at any midwife, I have heard of stories like this because women were in too much pain.<br />I know they did their job and they were all so sweet, tender, supportive and understanding that really I had nothing against them.<br />On the contrary I was deeply grateful to each of them.<br /><br />the hours went on.<br />The night mare rides on.<br />I tried to think of my baby, my little poney...she'd be soon in my arms.<br /><br />I tried my best to deal with the contractions.<br />Seb rubbed my back, I tried all the soothing position, the balloons, everything.<br /><br />The homeopathy helped me at least for the cervix to thin, but the pain could not be appeased.<br />warm water, cold water.<br />It was always more difficult to bear.<br /><br />I tried to keep joking.<br />seb showed me a funny video on his cellphone, of him in the woods during our latest winter holidays to the mountains...he had done a little scary movie, that was cute :o)<br />it made me laugh, I was still standing and breathing.<br />When the midwife came to check me, I would say:<br /><br />Oh yes I'm all right,I'm handling it!<br />thinking: I am a fucking warrior!<br /><br />and it went on and on.<br />I was often scared to ask seb what time it was.<br />I looked at the sky.<br /><br />I tried to think happy thoughts.<br />The next checking of my cervix was the breaking point.<br />I bent my body so bad on the table, I screamed: please!!!stop!!!<br />I begged him to stop, it was just awfully painful and like such a violation.<br /><br />It felt like the fingers are entering to rip all my insides!<br />but the result was rather good and reassuring: I was around 6/7 cm dilated.<br />Close to the end...but I did not know how long the following would be, so at that point, I began to hesitate about the epidural.<br /><br />What can I do?<br />I asked sebastien. He was all worried and did not know what to say, he remembered me telling him to prevent me from having the epi if I am not strong enough...<br /><br />was I not strong enough?<br />Is it about my strength or just the threshold of my pain tolerance?<br />I just could not bear it anymore<br />I was physically just a load of pain...had so many hours of pain that it's like you get used to them, these waves of knives in the middle...<br /><br />I know now why I could not imagine how contractions would feel.<br />It's something you have never lived before,it's a really strange pain...and honestly after you cannot remember the feeling of this pain...not that you forget it, you remember how you hurt so bad but you can't remember how it felt...so strange...<br /><br />a nightmare you cannot really completely recall.<br /><br />I had to make up my mind, and it really broke my heart, I was so worried about the epidural, and all I read about it was the negative aspect...I have never really read about why to have it, the effect, the positive aspect of it...<br />I was rather unaware and so not into having it!<br /><br />It is something deeply painful in your soul to have to renunciate to your wish, your idea of the ideal birth...<br />can a birth be ideal anyways?<br /><br />Oh I have read so many stories of natural birth, the girls were in pain, felt like animal but they dealt with it and baby came quickly, things went well.<br /><br />Maybe I haven't prepared myself enough to deal with the pain?<br />I haven't done much yoga during pregnancy, not enough meditation either...as for Shakti Gaiwan visualisation, well I tried.<br /><br />But from this moment everything went awry.<br />I took the epidural.<br />I felt so very bad asking for it and I felt : okay now I am putting my life in God's hand and the medical staff... and all those shitty drugs...<br /><br />For from a dreamed birth completely natural, healthy and pure I went towards an over medicalised labour and birth.<br />I had it all<br />syntocinon, antibiotics at the end, etc. etc.<br />I felt all drugged<br />I felt so bad.<br /><br />I am a girl who hardly take meds when she's in pain you know and I prefer soft medecine.<br />I wonder if I could have dealt better with the contractions if there were an hot tub in the maternity?<br />perhaps.<br />I love water, it's always apeasing to me.<br /><br />As soon as the epi effects appeared I regretted having it.<br />I wanted to ask them to stop it! I hated it so bad!<br /><br />I was not scared of the needle or pain of it.<br />but the effect of the drugs of the epi.<br />Just awful.<br />shaky legs, no control.<br />spiny thrills in my butt and lower back, sweating a lot, fever and of course Mrs Anxiety.<br /><br />I would not say long time not seen.<br />But I began to be really scared.<br />I just hate to feel "possessed" and that my body is not mine anymore.<br />I felt some kind of chills in my brain and I was so scared to faint, the anxiety was devouring me during all the rest of the labour and delivery.<br /><br />I prayed.<br />I prayed to hang in there, to keep my mind focused on faith and forget the fear.<br /><br />I was repeating myself: am I going to die?what is the meaning of life?<br /><br />I was falling into despair.<br />Sebastien was wonderful all along the birth.<br />He was always there for me, kissing me, hugging me,putting water on my face, giving me my rescue remedy, thank you Bacchus flowers!<br />I would have surely lost it without them!<br /><br />You really fear you are going to die.<br />Not just because of the pain, but because it's getting so long and tiring and your body is lying on the table in such a state, you wonder what is happening to you, you have a hard time to realise, it's me here on this table and I am going to soon meet my baby.<br />I am going to give birth to my baby.<br /><br />I felt very disconnected.<br />I was angry at myself, frustrated to have taken the epidural.<br /><br />Finally came the time when I had to push.Finally!<br />The pushing part was just awful.<br />So very long and draining.<br />I thought I would never make it.<br /><br />I was feeling again the contractions pain but lighter of course.<br />Honestly I was feeling better when I could feel some pain again because it meant the epi was going down and I would be freed of this shit soon!<br />my legs kept moving on their own way, out of control.<br />my hands too at times.<br />I was shaky.<br /><br />I pushed.<br />we first tried a birth on the side, but they did not like it...I prefered this position though but I had to go back on my back and push this way.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The very unatural way to give birth!</span><br /><br />How can you push a baby down, when you are on your back?<br />Even if seb put my head a bit above to see, it did not work this way for me!<br />I wish I could have been more up perhaps...<br /><br />They all encouraged me to push. I was hearing all these voices in my head, from afar<br />I was so lost inside my head.<br />I wanted to give up at some point and here the lovely Helena was a bit tough to re-motivate me.<br /><br />She was a really fantastic midwife, so young and still so deeply dedicated to her work,so very attentive, understanding and supportive!<br />I was very lucky that she helped me give birth to Nina.<br />I am deeply grateful to her and I have a big admiration for her and for all the midwives.<br /><br />Those who took care of me were all very dedicated to their job, I admire this, the responsibility of these people and their sweetness.<br />It's something you need, because if you're going to be a mom, you really feel like a baby when you are in such pain and fear, you need some feminine tenderness to feel soothed.<br />I loved when the midwives put their hands on my shoulder or leg or they would take my hand to reassure me ,to be with me in this,to empathise.<br />it was beautiful and so human.<br /><br />I pushed,and pushed.<br />I got worried, because I seemed to be really bad at pushing which discouraged me a lot.<br />But then Helena asked me if I wanted to touch Nina's head.<br />I did, to be reassured, to feel it was real and to be comforted I was close to the end of this Hell.<br /><br />It was oh so weird to feel her head and little hair.<br />I did not do it twice!<br /><br />I pushed again and I saw helena looking at the clock.<br />Damn clock before my eyes, all those hours ticking hell's away to meet my daughter Paradise.<br />To feel appeased.<br />The pushing lasted for an hour which is way too long!<br />It really worried me, final push and then Nina somehow came on her own.<br />Not without pain.<br /><br />Got a big tear.<br />When the midwife said so, I was utterly depressed to think of all this implied.<br />I mean she could have said, oh you got a little tear, everything's fine.<br />But the sound : big tear , felt really bad and in her woman's eyes I knew it was bad.<br /><br />I cried a lot about this.<br />Of course I cried a lot during the labour too.<br />I cried because of not being able to deal with the pain anymore, I was on my knees.<br />and then I cried because of taking the epidural.<br />Later I cried telling sebastien that I would never be able to re-live this and I want children so bad, but I just cannot re-live this!<br />I cried telling him : I won't be able to have any more kids!<br /><br />It just broke my heart.<br />Because this desire is real, I adore children, I am blessed to finally have my Nina here. It's wonderful.<br />She's my dream come true.<br /><br />So the midwife put my daughter on my stomach.<br />I remember seeing her coming out of me, suddenly and being in my hands, so tiny and a rather sticky but no blood on her little body, she was just blue violet because she needed to breathe first.<br />I remember her first cry, so very heartbreaking.<br /><br />But no relief, no apeasment for me.<br />I did not even see sebastien cutting the umbilical noose.<br />I had like some kind of black out, due to the deep fatigue and of course the real trauma this long labour and birth was to me.<br /><br /> I of course can be blame on my idealism and romanticism, I wanted birth to be the perfect time of my life, I wanted it to be the most beautiful day in my life and even with how awful it may sound it was not!<br />definetly not!<br />It was just Hell, nightmare,pain and pain again, in my body, in my soul and in my spirit!<br />I was truly all cut, torn and fucked up.<br /><br />Along the process I lost touch with life, I was in the dark and I remembered the taste of depression and I felt : I am going to fall back into depression after this.<br /><br />Because I met such a huge desillusion.<br />I truly wonder what was the meaning to be found in this?<br />I am not at all somebody who believe in prices to pay!<br />It sucks!<br />it's stupid and sounds religious!<br />As if I have to expire my sins?<br />what the fuck.<br /><br />Yes I did pray Jesus and Mary, Kwan yin too,Diane, archangel Michael...<br />But I don't believe there should be a price to pay.<br /><br />Maybe it makes us feel so marked deep in our flesh that we will never take this role as mother for granted and also this life, from now on, we know how death and birth are close brothers like Pina kollars says in her beautiful song "bring me a biscuit"<br /><br />Now I surely will cry my heart out listening and singing to this song.<br />I remember when I first heard this song in summer 2003, I was at seb's home, we were young( yes we still are) and I already had that big yearning to be a mother and that song came to me like it was meant to be, I felt understandood.<br />I could imagined how beautiful it was to finally be a mother.<br /><br />Who would have thought I'd have to wait another 7 years to meet my daughter and enjoy this beautiful feeling?<br /><br />Such a long journey right?<br />So much pain to this.<br />the waiting of all these years,the miscarriage in April last year, so much time, so much pain, the disappointment of pregnancy and the huge delusion of birth...<br /><br />Finally even if I did feel crappy during the labour and birth and sort of ashamed to have taken the epidural I am still a fucking warrior.<br />In spite of this.<br />Of course during the birth I lost all self trust, no more confidence.<br />I was just going to die, because I sucked at living pregnancy and even was so much worse at giving birth, what a shame ,what a thing to live when in all your feminine fiber you are meant to be a mother, because you have so much love to give, because you can feel so much...<br /><br />It's also perhaps because I am an hypersensitive person that I felt it all so bad and deep in my flesh.<br /><br />It was not over.<br />I did not feel the beautiful feeling having Nina on my chest.<br />I was too tired to really be there for her.<br />I kept apologizing to her when she cried: sorry Nina, I am so sorry!<br /><br />I was sorry to have taken the epi and that the whole pushing process took so long.<br />How did she live this?<br />Did she feel my anxiety?My fear? My despair?<br />I just hope she did not feel my pain.<br /><br />seb took Nina and wonderful it was time to deliver the placenta.<br />and yay for me, it did not came complete so the lovely midwife had to go with her hand deep in my uterus.<br />I am already grateful that they always kept me aware of what they were doing, it was reassuring to know.<br />I knew it was better for me and to avoid hemorragy.<br />But she did not go once but several times and for your soul it's pretty disturbing to feel something going inside you this way.<br /><br />The epidural effect had decreased<br />it was not that painful but very unpleasant and disturbing<br />I wanted to finally be left alone , to heal, to breathe!<br /><br />and again not over.<br />After this it was time for haute couture!<br />It seemed to last for ages!<br />the midwife began to sew me back and I did feel the needle<br />not too painful but very unpleasant.<br />then the doctor had to came to finish the job, he sewed more quickly than Helena which someone was good because I knew it would finally be done.<br />but it's something so strange to feel the needly there, you know that you are still anesthetized but how is going to feel when the pain wakes up?<br /><br />I knew it would be so bad.<br />I cried again.<br /><br />Helena talked to me to reassure and cheer me up.<br />She was very understanding, knowing I had been through a real trauma that things did not went so well and that I have had such bad luck, I went from Charybde to scylla as they say.<br /><br />so then after I tried to come back to myself,if this could be.<br />I gave Nina's first breastfeed in the birth room which was the most reassuring and finally soothing moment, bonding with her finally, meeting my daughter and being there for her.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4462487950/" title="warfield by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4025/4462487950_1f179efceb.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="warfield" /></a><br /><br />I then thought of doing such a picture, could have been much better with more trying and time, but it's done in the moment I guess.<br />I had that word coming to me : warfield.<br />that's definetly how my body felt, like a warfield.<br />So it implies the raw aspect of this picture, the pubic hair is not a show of sexuality but the bare real & somewhat abandonned girl zone after the rampage.<br />This is a self portrait definetly not as a matter of ego but to express the emotion undergone.<br />Not meant to be pretty or found desirable at all.<br /><br />I had to fight with anxiety ,despair ,fear and all to give birth to my daughter.<br />I also was at war with myself,I had not taken the right weapons, I felt powerless, lost, I doubted my strength and then my ability to be a good mother.<br /><br />I did feel like a failure, and for the two following day I was rather depressed about this, I cried a lot everytime I would talk about the birth.<br />I even had the opportunity to talk to two therapists which helped me.<br />I felt I had so much to vent.<br />So my bday was not a rebirthday...I did not feel happy, I was still under the shock & could hardly recognize the woman in the mirror.<br />I felt dead & cold in my heart but of course I was always brought more back to life in Nina's eyes.<br />I was deeply moved by her beauty.<br />I was sad at the idea of losing her.<br /><br />In the middle of the night at the maternity I would note ideas & titles, thins that would definetly help me cope with this & get back my confidence, my hopes & my trust in life.<br />I remember thinking during the labour, this year should be mine, I was going to be happy finally, really happy & balanced.<br />But I saw all those images of happiness fading away in my darkness, being swallowed by the pain & desillusion.<br />Finally I am healing with no therapist( not out of pride but rathe laziness & fatigue to go there)<br /><br />I have felt like showing my body & how it's been damaged by pregnancy & birth.<br />Unashamed as always and surely not vain or too worried about my appearance.<br />I am a woman who loves to be pretty and sexy, but after all I have lived lately, things are still a bit different.<br />I will still enjoy this, to wear eccentric and original sexy clothes, to put make up and feel pretty and young again ;)<br /><br />but it's not the most important, I am fine with the way my body is, I did not feel depressed at the little belly, I am sure I will get my thin body back.<br />I am not worried at all.<br /><br />I was even surprised and a little annoyed when my father was the most worried about me still having a little belly!<br />as if it was that important!<br />he has a belly too so what? :P<br /><br />I am rather worried about the insides and the fact I will have to do perineum reeducation, it just sounds really unpleasant!<br />okay only 10 sessions but still I just fear it's going to be a little painful and tiring!<br />ha! the fun of after birth is not over!<br />but about 12 days after the pain of the tear finally decreased, and now I can say I am not hurting anymore, it's rather itchy at times, surely because of the sewing!<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4462487952/" title="Trauma : collapse and fall (in love) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2743/4462487952_ccbb5109ba.jpg" width="500" height="417" alt="Trauma : collapse and fall (in love)" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Trauma : collapse and fall (in love)</span><br /><br />It's raw & real like I have always been.<br />Because it's easy and worthwhile for me to show the bare truth, body and soul, the humanity we all bear underneath it all.<br />we're all the same and unique.<br />I love my ability to be this very honest, it is oh so freeing!<br />Such a deliverance!<br />Knowing you are human amongst us all, belonging, relating,connecting, interacting, and reaching souls who have lived the same, or can understand what I have lived.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4466067425/" title="luminous maelstrom of blows & cuts by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4466067425_a307c5ebff.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="luminous maelstrom of blows & cuts" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">luminous maelstrom of blows & cuts </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I'm bleeding glows<br />I'm bleeding love<br />Should pain mean : life<br />Should blood mean :love<br />why does it feel like a rampage deep in sacredness<br />rip it off rip it all rip some more<br />till enough is enough<br />is it ever<br />shaky legs<br />I do not belong here anymore<br />I leave my body on the table<br />heart so cold swimming in sweat<br />bring me water please<br />humid respite of seconds<br />For ten hours of burning and cutting and bleeding and dying and needing<br />some love some light<br />Jesus<br />Mary<br />I can't be alone in the darkest darkness<br />How weak and ugly when you fear your fear is greater than your love and faith<br />I burry myself with black and blazing thoughts<br />Show me how brave you are my soul<br />When my body is a load of lead tattered and torn<br />You cannot imagine this pain <br />I now know<br />Because it's just beyond understanding<br />surely like this love<br />sure like this amazing love<br /></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4451321248/" title="Oh Jesus am I dying? Oh Mary help me. by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4056/4451321248_75c2df18d4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Oh Jesus am I dying? Oh Mary help me." /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4438223116/" title="Been Through Hell : To meet Paradise by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4035/4438223116_57637d5363.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Been Through Hell : To meet Paradise" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4445380001/" title="Les hommes ne connaîtront jamais l'enfer mais ils pourront le vivre par procuration by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4051/4445380001_786bce233d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Les hommes ne connaîtront jamais l'enfer mais ils pourront le vivre par procuration" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4464440694/" title="Au coeur de l enfer je me suis offerte aux douleurs pour enfin t aimer à jamais by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2711/4464440694_1fa1226c6c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Au coeur de l enfer je me suis offerte aux douleurs pour enfin t aimer à jamais" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4466128477/" title="should pain mean: life by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2764/4466128477_06566b7d74.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="should pain mean: life" /></a><br /><br />When I'll be over with this set of pictures,poems & soon paintings(hopefully)<br />I know I will have digested this trauma & it'll just be a moment of my life, a piece of my story & I could surely say to people that this was the hardest time of my life & I have never ever suffered this much( I deal much better with soul pain, but when you add each pain, soul, body & mind, & more pain to pain then it's tricky to handle)<br /><br />Yet this is very strange & perhaps masochistic( honestly I hate pain!)but this hardest time was definetly worthwhile & I would go to hell & back again to fetch my daughter, because it's her I've ever wanted , it's Nina I've been waited for along those years.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4469530376/" title="Pisces Love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4008/4469530376_0754b54305.jpg" width="500" height="248" alt="Pisces Love" /></a><br /><br />There's nothing I wouldn't do for Nina.<br />I love her beyond words & it's my most important wish for her to feel loved & know I will love her always no matter what & be there for her.<br /><br />Do you know she already laugh to the angels in her sleep!?<br />This is just so adorable, I wonder what she is dreaming of & what makes her laugh:)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4469530374/" title="How much I love to sleep with you my treasure by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2802/4469530374_dea2f2c257.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="How much I love to sleep with you my treasure" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4468737677/" title="Tesoro! Tesoro! tu es là. by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4053/4468737677_a3b0fefaf2.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="Tesoro! Tesoro! tu es là." /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4462264151/" title="Little Nina is 15 days by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4041/4462264151_63365c996a.jpg" width="500" height="407" alt="Little Nina is 15 days" /></a>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-9564827632093921832010-03-16T03:39:00.000-07:002010-03-16T03:51:38.779-07:00Nina June Eliane was born on the 10 th of march just a little before mommy's birthday<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4431930737/" title="nina by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4062/4431930737_591fc642bb.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="nina" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4431884773/" title="In Love and Bliss by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4431884773_576c9524e2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="In Love and Bliss" /></a><br /><br />I still can't believe she's here, almost a week in this world, in our life:)<br />how wonderful!<br />we're already so in love with her.<br /><br />I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart of all the kind words, kind thoughts, compassion, kind advice, lovely gifts for Nina or for my birthday and all the lovely birthday wishes here and there!<br /><br />Thank you so much, I am deeply touched by all these waves of kindness , love and friendship!<br />It does mean a lot to me.<br /><br />It's a short post for now.<br />I am really too exhausted to write and the birth went really awry, I kinda went through a profound hell even reach some kind of despair during the labour and pushing part, it was oh so hard.<br />I will blog about it later, I still have a hard time to re-live this in thoughts, in my mind, all the images, the emotions ,me being so upside down...<br />anyways, I have tried my best to write to my dear friends , but if I haven't yet replied to your words, emails, letters(yeah sorry penpals but I won't write letters before a month or two, I need RESPITE.)<br /><br />I am not forgetting you, neither am I neglecting our friendship, I hope you know you are important to me enough to believe my silence is lack of energy and time:)<br />but I think of you and I miss you.<br />can't wait to be back to "normal" well to just feel some energy, I could not imagine such a fatigue when I complained about the pregnancy fatigue , I definetly knew nothing about what tired meant ha!<br /><br />so voilà.<br />more pictures and words later.<br />I am going to try to take at least a picture of each week birthday(?)to keep all these precious moment frozen on pictures:)<br />but to write about Nina's birth I'll take the time later when I really feel much better.<br /><br />Don't worry no matter what I am still feeling hugely blessed and I am alive in her eyes. I smile in the morning and keep telling myself reality is oh so different now, it s oh so new, so beautiful and of course : marvelous is my obsessive words when I talk about Nina :)<br /><br />I love her more than I could have ever imagined but of course it always happens this way.<br /><br />Love and hugs to you guys!<br /><br />you can see a video on " bonjour de Nina" it's a blog done by sebastien:)<br />soon I will translate the posts written by sebastien so Foreign people will be able to read:)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-8666892946559287712010-03-09T01:56:00.000-08:002010-03-09T02:56:21.015-08:00I want my baby!! where is my baby???<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4406331808/" title="Oh soul you worry too much. by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4019/4406331808_1dcab707c1.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Oh soul you worry too much." /></a><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />“Oh soul,<br />you worry too much.<br />You have seen your own strength.<br />You have seen your own beauty.<br />You have seen your golden wings.<br />Of anything less,<br />why do you worry?<br />You are in truth<br />the soul, of the soul, of the soul.”<br />(Rumi)</span><br /><br />I just want to scream and yell. I am so fed up!<br />I am so pissed off I can't bear this anymore!<br />And I just hate this state, my emotions are all over the place!<br />I am crying way too much...even last evening I was just like a baby...<br /><br />hormons must really kick in, but also the physical fatigue and discomfort of these last days of pregnancy are just too much, each day I have to keep telling myself: we're almost there, hang in there, it'll be fine, things happen for a reason, Nina's not ready...<br />This makes me feel so sad.<br />There is no day now when I feel good, I try to smile and cheer myself up thinking and focusing on the fact she'll soon finally be there.<br /><br />But then I worry, I wonder is she okay?<br />I so believe she'll be better out of me...I don't like the idea of baking her any longer<br />as if I just did not trust my body anymore...yet it did all the work all these months.<br />But I have no sign of me getting in labour anytime soon.<br />no contractions, nothing at all.<br /><br />I am just utterly drained, wandering in my so messy apartment, depressing!<br />I feel lonely and jailed.<br />trapped in my body and unable to go out for some fresh air, be in the nature, just to be outside!<br />to do normal things!<br /><br />I have always been an indoor cat, but lately this cat life is horrible!<br />sleeping so much, eating way too much, I have never ate like this.<br /><br />Anyways when you tell people you don't like being pregnant they look at you all surprised or maybe disapointed, and you should feel ashamed and guilty<br />especially because I had a miscarriage first and thus I should feel blessed and grateful<br />but fuck!<br />I truly am grateful and I want more children, I am still allowed to vent and express my emotions...it's just unbearable in the end for me.<br />I haven't had a wonderful pregnancy, it was a real hard work!<br /><br />psychologically emotionally and physically<br />the first months, with the fear of losing my baby again...<br />the worries<br />and all the unpleasant symptoms that keeps adding each months and the never ending nauseas!<br /><br />people say pregnancy is not a disease yeah sure, but I truly felt sick most of the time so yes I did not enjoy it<br />I only had about two months of feeling better and handling the pregnancy, so I took more pictures, to still keep a memory...<br /><br />and besides it's something very disturbing to have another one inside you, you kind of lose yourself.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4403290815/" title="Mysogynist Myth by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4037/4403290815_d1a561759d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mysogynist Myth" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Enough<br />Enough<br />Pretty <br />pretty lies<br />juicy and rounded uglily alive<br />no flowers just mud under layers of what's not me<br />Spread myself so thin<br />heavily emptied<br />gates of hormonal chaos<br />whatever the name<br />choking under crumpled papers so wrapped under<br />choking under what's not me<br />where is the window<br />Avalanche of sighs<br />rockslide can't lull me to sleep<br />night creeping every night<br />lonely blanket <br />so isolate try to take the hours away in my wonderful nightmares<br />Monster of the mirror<br />another thirteen days<br />gotta walk through this molasses<br />Welcome to the blind thoughts palace<br />no fear of the hands neither of the glass hour<br />I'm so cold yet sweating every night<br />like melting from all that is not mine<br />remote in space and time<br />melody of meaningless tick tock <br />vomiting the absence of patience<br />crawling on a floor I can't even recognize<br />nerves dancing like electric wires on the humid dirt<br />segretation of my mind<br />I can't breathe<br />where am I<br />where is me</span><br /><br />I truly am ready to have my baby now, more than ready,and I am not scared of being in labour<br />I am waiting for the first contractions!bring them on! damn it!!<br />I have read so much, seen so many videas, went to birth class with sebastien, I am so ready.<br />I just can't believe I am still 40 weeks hugely pregnant, can't believe this.<br />with no signs, nothing, just as if it'll never happen, just as if my body was failing at doing it's last most important job!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4413379482/" title="+++Pissed + Bored+++ by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2762/4413379482_94814d142c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="+++Pissed + Bored+++" /></a><br />I wish somebody could understand.<br />but the only ones who can are the women in the same boat at the moment, for those who are already mothers, they have forgotten they just know the drawback of the after birth.<br /><br />I dont give a fucking damn about the drawbacks after, I have ever dreamt of this moment to happen, to finally be a mother, to enjoy my baby's every smile, to get to know her each day, to marvel at her discovery, new learnings and her face...<br />oh I just cannot imagine her face<br />I never can<br />It's still so unreal<br />It makes me feel so sad.<br /><br />I am so fed up of people idealising pregnancy and not being aware of all the drawbacks of this.<br />I haven't had a wonderful and easy pregnancy, I wish I had!<br />I hope the next one will feel better because yes indeed I still want more children, I'll have to be brave for this!<br />but I still want to believe each pregnancy is different, so hopefully I'll be stronger for the next one!<br /><br />I need to do like Katie holmes, they say she is getting herself ready like for a marathon, because pregnancy has to be prepared like this!<br />yeah maybe it's true!<br />It's very demanding on our body!<br /><br />so we perhaps need the man to make a baby but really we women do the most important part,the most draining and life changing of this work of baking a baby!<br />Our body changes, hormons are all fucked up, we can feel disconnected, and even more sensitive than before, we are at the same time weaker and stronger!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4407769541/" title="She always dreamt of a fairytale life by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2673/4407769541_cc33506ac1.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="She always dreamt of a fairytale life" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4407974375/" title="I will make the most of it by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4022/4407974375_fd21627893.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I will make the most of it" /></a><br /><br />I know anyways that I have ever wanted to bear life inside me, but I am truly depressed not to have really enjoy it, I am sad because it was totally not the way I imagined it, we are not told the truth about pregnancy when we're younger!<br /><br />Perhaps if we told the teens, there would be less of them pregnant too early out of being too carefree.<br /><br />I remember my friends when I was a teen, they did not want children just because they were scared of the birth.<br />well I do believe the birth is the best time of pregnancy!<br />The most painful and draining are all these neverending months and this neverending week of waiting for a sign, will Nina come soon?<br />why is she not eager to meet us?<br /><br />I kinda feel I am appearing like a bad mom because I don't enjoy pregnancy but to me there is a real difference between pregnancy state and motherhood.<br />I will adore motherhood.<br /><br />I love Nina so much already, I so wish she was finally there.<br />The waiting is kinda like a torture for my emotions cuz I just cannot imagine her face, not be reassured about how she is, if everything is fine...and when you're feeling bad it's so easy to be invaded by negative thoughts...<br />I just hate it!<br /><br />I am trying to breathe, accept the situation, I do know it could be worse, it just emotions and fatigue...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4378835110/" title="another set of pink and red loveliness by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4041/4378835110_eb471ca446.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="another set of pink and red loveliness" /></a><br /><br />Anyways people are unable of empathy when they just cannot really imagine the situation you're living and especially when they have their opinion on the subject.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4378835332/" title="let me devour ton petit coeur d'ange(I'm a very Bat girl) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4032/4378835332_4cfca775a3.jpg" width="500" height="499" alt="let me devour ton petit coeur d'ange(I'm a very Bat girl)" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4378082795/" title="Please write me a dream only you can destroy( that's how you love coward heart) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4059/4378082795_35a12b8f70.jpg" width="491" height="500" alt="Please write me a dream only you can destroy( that's how you love coward heart)" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4378835848/" title="Cut Open my heart mon amour( read my bloody and electric wires) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2755/4378835848_3c943875f1.jpg" width="477" height="500" alt="Cut Open my heart mon amour( read my bloody and electric wires)" /></a><br /><br />and everyone keep asking the damn question: have you had your baby yet?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4412686743/" title="Untitled by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4022/4412686743_1127580272_b.jpg" width="1024" height="561" alt="" /></a><br /><br />I am just hoping I wont have to be induced, I still so want a natural birth, no meds, just Nina and I working as a team to bring her to life, and my adorable sebastien who will be our coach and wonderfully sweet support<br />I am so eager to live this special day of deep emotions.<br />it will be magical!beautiful!<br />I will surely just cry on the way to the maternity because I wont believe we're finally there, we'll meet her!<br />Oh my!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4367586971/" title="Nina's rainbow by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4009/4367586971_695666546e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Nina's rainbow" /></a><br /><br />my darling rainbow baby ,why don't you come?<br />I know I know I have waited my whole life I can wait another week, what is a week after all I've been through...<br />big sighs<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4367550693/" title="Mister cat and some friends by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4033/4367550693_e3b78ebc5d.jpg" width="500" height="430" alt="Mister cat and some friends" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4367550707/" title="Takun by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4022/4367550707_9915f200be.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Takun" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4390221556/" title="Romantic days by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2795/4390221556_7b88fc363f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Romantic days" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4383964063/" title="My books by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4064/4383964063_025f98a475.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="My books" /></a><br /><br />the cover of the poetic terrorism book is done by Anna Malina Zemlianski.<br />All my books are still available, if you ever want to buy some just contact me and I'll let you know how to do.<br /><br />I am going to be a mother soon. It will happen.Finally.<br />Hey maybe perhaps for my bday who knows?<br />a birth, rebirthday day and the birth of my beautiful baby girl, ha!<br /><br />I am turning 31 on the 11 th of march, I can't believe this!<br />I feel I was 21 yesterday!<br />But my life has changed so much in a year,it's amazing!<br /><br />I am so eager to shake the negative energy and replace it with love emotions.<br />Nina darling, please, I am aching to finally meet you my sweetest springtime...and your daddy is so impatient too and poor him he has to bear with me being such a wreckish pain!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-50725214236777254072010-02-16T01:08:00.000-08:002010-02-16T02:47:36.042-08:009I guess it's surely my last post before Nina's birth.<br />I am so emotional that I will perhaps need time to share my thoughts and photos of her, but I am so eager to see life in her eyes!<br />will she have her so beautiful dad's light colored eyes? I hope so but for that I guess we'll need months to be sure!<br /><br />When I think I'm soon going to hold her in my arms everyday, it's pure bliss, it blows my mind...for everytime I hear a newborn's cry, see a baby smile, hear them laughing, I feel this emotion in my heart, I am going to be a mother...<br /><br />It's something I am going to be passionate with , a role in my life I will honor and celebrate!<br />I am so happy God!<br /><br />I am even happier that this happiness is shared with so many people, that it does not locked me in a bubble, it makes me spread more of my self, it makes me have more love and sweetness to share.<br />It makes me relate with all moms to be or young moms.<br /><br />All along this pregnancy I have been able to create new and beautiful friendship bonds which I hope will last and blossom!<br /><br />Nine in the number.<br />My love and I celebrated our 9 years anniversary with all the turmoils and beautiful moments we've lived I'm amazed to be there now, 9!already?<br />And today I am beginning the 9th and last month of pregnancy with the intuition Nina will arrive earlier( but maybe it's only my big desire and impatience now that is talking...naaah it's my intuition :P)<br /><br />Anyways, she will arrive in two or four weeks, we'll see, but it really sound so little now and I'm going to live this amazing moment, I am going to share this most beautiful day and all these special emotions with my love and family, it's amazing!<br /><br />I am tired on and off, I was feeling good on sunday.<br />We took the excuse of Valentine's day to celebrate our anniversary again ;)and went to the restaurant!<br /><br />I wanted for Valentine's day to create some artworks for my friends and random act of kindness:)I went back to my first love for mixed media collages, playing, cutting,glueing, scattering glitter :))<br />it made me happy to made those and I still have about 3 to create but not sure if I'll be able to.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4350956711/" title="Pink + Red Loveliness by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2736/4350956711_c44b5c7a5f.jpg" width="448" height="500" alt="Pink + Red Loveliness" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4351705472/" title="Random Act Of Kindness by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2762/4351705472_13f92faacb.jpg" width="500" height="368" alt="Random Act Of Kindness" /></a><br /><br />I also have edited friends photos and wrote some inspired poems, here two beautiful selfies by Sara:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4350897023/" title="Les secrets de Sara by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4064/4350897023_5ffffa934a.jpg" width="500" height="321" alt="Les secrets de Sara" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sara's secrets <br />like shedding petals and glows from the boughs<br />The most beautiful Princess wearing her shadow<br />wet feet in the blue puddles she plays<br />Reading words and names the trees reflect<br />Sugary child like magic<br />Like springtime in her eyes<br />Behind her the winter layers & snowflake tears<br />When they are all frozen<br />You will know what they have written<br />And light oh so Light<br />Sara will wander<br />In the poem Gardens<br />She will shout her colors<br />Pigment of truth<br />fearless ribbons of all her emotions<br />She will be heard and understood<br />And her Soul will rebirth<br />(...)<br /></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4343299754/" title="Her name was dandelion lost in between yin and yang by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4053/4343299754_d135a42335.jpg" width="500" height="298" alt="Her name was dandelion lost in between yin and yang" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">hat's on if I show you my feminine frailty how will I be taken seriously<br />Make a wish<br />hat's off if I show you I am a man how will you allow me to cry<br />hold the leash<br />If I look at myself in your mirror I will never dare to be me<br />Along the forest to my core<br />my soul is open and sore(...)</span><br /><br />two pictures of the beautiful Lindsey:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4340975458/" title="How they would all love to fall into her dreams by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4035/4340975458_dec277107d.jpg" width="500" height="397" alt="How they would all love to fall into her dreams" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4340304717/" title="The mysterious streams of the mermaid's stories by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4032/4340304717_d85fd51431.jpg" width="405" height="500" alt="The mysterious streams of the mermaid's stories" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4351165386/" title="My Bipolar lands Antarctica shreds of a heart lost in a forest of personas by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2756/4351165386_4900df5044.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="My Bipolar lands Antarctica shreds of a heart lost in a forest of personas" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Bipolar lands<br />Such an frozen ocean of dichotomy<br />streams of masks<br />dress of lace and leather<br />Entertwined emotions in each threads<br />Can I breathe again<br />Eyes wide closed<br />I see the core<br />Who am I when they dance around me<br />Nature spirits and reminiscence of antique stories<br />vintage photographs around her dead body<br />Winter was never the season<br />bitter snowflakes on my tongue<br />I read the heavens truths<br />How we all wander in the woods to find the words to tell our life<br />our lies our strifes<br />From sunshine caroussels to dirty graves<br />From enchanting fae nymps chants to dreary escapes<br />We walk through our own stories <br />Trying to recollect the pieces of who we are who we were<br />Hoping to catch a glimpse of everything we can be we could be<br />treading on so many perhaps<br />Chocking the maybes<br />Never believing in our glow<br />unable to love each day the way they are<br />Running from orchids hills<br />Falling on slopes of chills<br />our wraths our lures<br />our paths our vultures<br />The crow songs always so mesmerizing for the melanchollia in me<br />enemy<br />cradling my dreams how to grow in the mud<br />Photophobia<br />Wearing my favourite little black dress<br />the same one for so many years<br />Pelted soul with cosmic storms<br />Twirling with my delights devoring the days when dark shines<br />collapsing in the decaying books of hopes<br />Too many birds<br />have lost feathers<br />My personas my loveliest sisters<br />Alter ego queens of thistles and dandelions<br />Swallowing dust biting clouds<br />hanged to the silver lining<br />Forever changing with moired colored worlds<br />Always the same with a keycode heart realm<br />(...)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4351165384/" title="Petit Coeur D'une Maman Fée N'importe Quoi by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4064/4351165384_da7ff0bb58.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Petit Coeur D'une Maman Fée N'importe Quoi" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">little heart<br />little bird<br />let me sing you my soul springtime<br />Sugarplum<br />sweet pie<br />let me me show the moonlight<br />The nest is ready<br />My arms wide open<br />The garden feels so alive<br />Overflowing with flowers and vines<br />I think of you day and night<br />Still no face on so many sweet names<br />baby love my lovely rainbow<br />Your precious energy has healed me within<br />The day of your birth<br />The woman in me will be born again<br />We will spread our wings together<br />Pouring glitter on one another<br />Humid eyes<br />We will feel home again(...)<br /></span><br />***<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4347752405/" title="Healing the streams where you come from by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4030/4347752405_b427b99191.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Healing the streams where you come from" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4344937155/" title="She carried the flowers to the river's core by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4022/4344937155_0067bff7fa.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="She carried the flowers to the river's core" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4332817152/" title="Учить простить полностью быть освобоженным by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2701/4332817152_9150776c4b.jpg" width="500" height="370" alt="Учить простить полностью быть освобоженным" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4345325153/" title="you and I by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4064/4345325153_b2846b42a2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="you and I" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4345981708/" title="9 by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4345981708_c96c7221f4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="9" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4325311054/" title="Nina's Stories In Utero by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4046/4325311054_58b99398b5.jpg" width="500" height="492" alt="Nina's Stories In Utero" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4322697954/" title="bubble pop electric I give you all my loving in the fairy attic by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4059/4322697954_6c2fc1fe7f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="bubble pop electric I give you all my loving in the fairy attic" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4322016401/" title="Fading into roses bliss by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4070/4322016401_f325b6b1ec.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Fading into roses bliss" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4322753020/" title="Petite Demoiselle Au Tresor Merveilleux by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2747/4322753020_758834299a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Petite Demoiselle Au Tresor Merveilleux" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4345975454/" title="I see my life in his eyes by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2796/4345975454_22cbdabcd1.jpg" width="500" height="411" alt="I see my life in his eyes" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4330287826/" title="Bliss by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2694/4330287826_95d035eed6.jpg" width="497" height="500" alt="Bliss" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4329818260/" title="La petite Muse s'amuse au creux de moi by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2798/4329818260_e123f6e139.jpg" width="500" height="446" alt="La petite Muse s'amuse au creux de moi" /></a><br />this one is surely one of my favorite pregnancy picture because really it was not easy to do this bubble shooting, I always had to jump on the bed, blow bubble and try to get ready to be a minimum photogenical ^____^<br />but it was definetly worth it, my last shooting of my pregnancy, as now I wont do no more, I am waiting for Nina to be my new favorite model :))♥♥♥<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4326526283/" title="As If My Life Was Only Beginning... by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2750/4326526283_46cb23e562.jpg" width="500" height="417" alt="As If My Life Was Only Beginning..." /></a><br /><br />I love that one too, I look more like a woman than a babywoman, it's different :)<br />and I'm so in love with my rainbow jade necklace!<br /><br />and this is a series I have enjoyed so much doing, it came to me all naturally in a early morning day and it was a real cool feeling to do weird and disturbing images in between the sweet ones :)<br />It was inspired by IRM, the song written by Beck and sung by the wonderful Charlotte Gainsbourg<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4329151767/" title="+++Tellmewherethetraumalies+++ by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2684/4329151767_c50ca8a1e1.jpg" width="500" height="382" alt="+++Tellmewherethetraumalies+++" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4329866488/" title="Register all my fears by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2727/4329866488_059b2966f4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Register all my fears" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4329853476/" title="Analyze EKG Can you see a memory- by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4028/4329853476_6daa00cbb4.jpg" width="500" height="382" alt="Analyze EKG Can you see a memory- " /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4329112499/" title="Take a picture what's inside Ghost imaging my mind by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2777/4329112499_7d39030bd4.jpg" width="500" height="382" alt="Take a picture what's inside Ghost imaging my mind" /></a><br /><br />when I listen to that song I just feel like singing and dancing:))it's very fascinating and it carries me away:)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4326526271/" title="Look At The Little Girl In the Mirror by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2737/4326526271_f5d2b14382.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Look At The Little Girl In the Mirror" /></a><br /><br />I look more child like on this picture and I love it:<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4325364570/" title="Honey & silk by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2779/4325364570_59ff6e9f22.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Honey & silk" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4325364562/" title="honey (detail) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4031/4325364562_f2e90fd354.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="honey (detail)" /></a><br /><br />On Valentine's day I wanted to talk also about Asian New Year, because my mom's mother was from Vietnam and in my childhood we used to celebrate this and I loved it so much, especially the food, the beautiful show with the vietnamese singer always so pretty and well dressed like princesses and the chinese unicorn that fascinated me as much as it scared me if it would pass way too close to me ^___^<br />the music of the drums at that moment can be impressive for children ;)<br /><br />I really hope later to go to a vietnamese New year show again, just to share this with my Sebastien and my children so they can see a bit of what I am made of.<br />I have all these memories and it's sad that in her last years my grandma was not nice at all, because it would be easier to remember her with love...I still can remember the time I loved her of course, during childhood, she was a really great grandmother taking us to funfairs, buying us delicious candies and cooking oh so good vietnamese food but not only!<br /><br />I am going to learn to cook more vietnamese food this year.<br /><br />I wish a wonderful year to all the vietnamese community and all the asian people!<br />This tiger year's gonna be oh so bright and beautiful!<br /><br />I love to say that Nina will be a little tiger fish(pisces)<br />;-)<br />It's going to be real ,she's going to be there oh so soon now.<br />Yesterday seb and I went to a birth class,it was interesting :)<br /><br />we are going again on friday, I love that because it makes more time shared with my love :)<br />and it's really wonderful to have been able to share this pregnancy beautiful adventure with him all along these months, yeah of course not always so beautiful, remember the so cool nauseous morning ^_______^ahah<br /><br />Today I have the visit of Vanessa and her little Thiméo, which is going to be nice.<br /><br />I miss my parents! yes. Yet I have dreamt of them so bad, nightmares, quarrels and all. But mostly these last days of pregnancy I am having stressful nightmares, nothing ugly or bloody but with negative emotions, worries...It's very exhausting!<br />and I keep waking up every hour.<br />So now my sleep is totally broken.<br /><br />but maybe it gets me used to this if I have to breastfeed Nina every hour,we'll see that.<br />I am eager for this to begin, to see how it feels, to create a loving bond with her!<br />I so want to be close to my daughter, to get to know her deeply, to understand her, to be there for her anytime in her life, to listen to her closely, to awake her spirit and share with her my passions for art of any kinds, for words even for cooking :))<br /><br />I so want to be careful to do things right so she became a beautiful soul with a kind heart.<br /><br />As for Valentine's day it's not really something I celebrate in the commercial way(except for the restaurant, but it's such a pleasure ^______^ I love eating out, I also love discovering new food, new restaurants!)<br /><br />but V day is an excuse perhaps to remember all the people we loved and/or still love.<br />The dead for instance.<br /><br />And to live with awareness of the blessings to have so many loved ones around us, our family, friends, sweetheart...<br /><br />I said this year was going to be the year of Friendship because it is love too!<br />but finally it's going to be the year of Love beautiful balance: family and friends.<br /><br />Of course people who are single on that day can feel a bit lonely, as if life was not good to them, I used to feel that way, before sebastien I've had many lonely V day.<br />But we have to keep hoping and loving, may it be ourselves or all the things that generates this wonderful feelings inside us.<br />we don't find answers in having a boyfriend,fiancé or husband, we don't feel more complete in getting married etc not even less lonely, because somehow we still have some time alone and it's better to be able to enjoy oneself alone and love ourselves.<br /><br />The key is inside us, we find a love balance in being at peace with everything we are and can be.<br />When we have found home and love inside us, we can spread it around and the universe will respond in time.<br /><br />keep loving & believing!<br />You are love and loved.<br /><br />Blessings & namasté,<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />Someone who goes with half a loaf of bread to small place that fits like a nest around them, someone who wants no more, who's not themselves longed for by anyone else, that someone is a letter to everyone. You open it. It say, Live. - Rumi</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4362153548/" title="Someone who goes with half a loaf of bread to small place that fits like a nest around them, someone who wants no more, who's not themselves longed for by anyone else, that someone is a letter to everyone. You open it. It say, Live. - Rumi by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4071/4362153548_2c6db3db29.jpg" width="500" height="461" alt="Someone who goes with half a loaf of bread to small place that fits like a nest around them, someone who wants no more, who's not themselves longed for by anyone else, that someone is a letter to everyone. You open it. It say, Live. - Rumi" /></a><br /><br />ps: and <a href="http://www.formspring.me/Sorcierehelene">here</a> you can ask me anything :o)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-37470624112457384032010-02-01T00:27:00.000-08:002010-02-01T03:46:13.169-08:00Welcome 2010 & all your blessingsI am so grateful that I have made it this far.<br />I remember all the things I have been through, all the things that happened in the world, all these years...and here we are in 2010.<br />A brand new decade, that I am hoping to be so full of Human Love, Hope and Sharing.<br /><br />It's snowing again today.Now it's getting a bit boring, I will have to put my big boots on not to fall because I am going to see my doctor today.<br />But what a weather!<br /><br />These days we haven't stopped. All weekends are so busy. Tidy, cleaning,errands( sales for clothes and things we need for our daughter)fixing things, decorating, rearranging the rooms. and now the weeks begin also to be cluttered with different appointments.<br />We make a great team anyways, helping one another,though obviously sebastien does the most at the moment, but I still don't just lie and sleep, I clean and prepare our home for Nina's arrival and I still cook delicious meals ^___^<br /><br />I have also been able to paint! Yes!It's been ages!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4313730664/" title="She used to be the lady with the melancholic white flowers in her hair now she's a Rose She is Risen! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4061/4313730664_177b2479c4.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="She used to be the lady with the melancholic white flowers in her hair now she's a Rose She is Risen!" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4313730666/" title="She used to be the lady with the melancholic white flowers in her hair now she's a Rose She is Risen! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2772/4313730666_ea58281d4e.jpg" width="496" height="500" alt="She used to be the lady with the melancholic white flowers in her hair now she's a Rose She is Risen!" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4313730672/" title="Oh Give Me Sushi Love! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4053/4313730672_a2eec30bbf.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="Oh Give Me Sushi Love!" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4313730674/" title="Oh Give Me Sushi Love! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2771/4313730674_fb956f1475.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="Oh Give Me Sushi Love!" /></a><br />I still enjoy painting but not it's not the way it used to be, I don't feel the need or the urge to paint anymore, I just do it when the mood strikes, if I want to tell stories and relax and feel creative but I really want and wish I can soon focuse on learning how to sew with my sewing machine :)<br /><br />but I need to buy cheap and pretty fabric ,books and such.<br />It will be wonderful if I can make lovely clothes for our daughter and also for me.<br />I remember I have always been into fashion, excentric and very original clothes and I have always had many ideas.<br />I guess if I trust myself, I could be able to create real cool clothes with time who knows?<br />but right now I am totally ignorant about sewing and honestly I have never been very patient with that thing!<br /><br />My friend Vanessa wants to learn to sew too so I guess it will be easier to learn together and share our tips :)<br /><br />In January I had my first girl's day out with Ingrid, going out, doing shopping for our babies to come this year, eating out, it was really a lovely day!<br />I haven't been out with a girl friend since what...2003? perhaps 2002...I cannot remember.<br />It really lift my mood and we had a nice time.<br />I feel very lucky now to build friendships in the real life.<br />I have always known it was not impossible, it just alas needed time to be real.<br /><br />This year's gonna be wonderful, I feel it.<br />Everything will be new and real, tangible, felt,magic...I am going to learn so much!I am going to live so much!<br /><br />We are going to Love so much!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4317909867/" title="Family portrait by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4063/4317909867_24d74e62e7.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Family portrait" /></a><br />sebastien and I (with Takkun) did this yesterday.<br />I wish I could do more, I have some ideas but too tired really.<br /><br />Maybe today if I can find some energy I will do some pregnancy pictures with the now so huge belly kicked and stretched from all parts by the lovely fae baby Nina :)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4303327453/" title="* by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4039/4303327453_d3c1b2e02d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="*" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4303260949/" title="She & Him by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2797/4303260949_b47ef6eabb.jpg" width="500" height="292" alt="She & Him" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4304087120/" title="* by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4011/4304087120_511719369a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="*" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4287014113/" title="la vie peut être si belle by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4028/4287014113_ba8b4b1706.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="la vie peut être si belle" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4270994947/" title="love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4050/4270994947_6a207d7a3f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="love" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4285573070/" title="Enter This silence and Face your Soror Mystica by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4285573070_cbf079d0f3.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Enter This silence and Face your Soror Mystica" /></a><br /><br />I have published another book:<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4287401041/" title="New Book, my first book of nature's phoetry by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4061/4287401041_242ab3f0e3.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="New Book, my first book of nature's phoetry" /></a><br /><br />it's all about our planet's wonder, and as always the profits go to Enfance Nepal the charity that helps children in Nepal and that I will keep on supporting along this year the way I can.<br />It makes my art be useful and also it helps me give back all I have been given by life and that luck to be able to create, express and find beauty in everything, everywhere.<br />I am blessed and grateful, thus it's important to share this.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4273876402/" title="Bonne fête Nina by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4029/4273876402_c3e52729fe.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Bonne fête Nina" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4273852280/" title="Sugary Soul by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4040/4273852280_e0e393e55f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Sugary Soul" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4270994971/" title="आत्मन् by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2730/4270994971_48edd4a23f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="आत्मन्" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4271698170/" title="light by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2595/4271698170_f93b26991d_o.jpg" width="425" height="425" alt="light" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4271698176/" title="Le parchemin secret de la reine Cerise by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2689/4271698176_b6c07b0fd7.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Le parchemin secret de la reine Cerise" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4268204293/" title="Here in my arms by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4040/4268204293_3d18153551.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Here in my arms" /></a><br /><br />Sometimes I doubt I am still an artist because I don't produce as much as I used to and I go everywhere, I don't really have a following line, well if I ever had one (laughing)<br />I just jump on the wave of creative energy and if it wants me to create sad things and then suddenly talk about bright light I just do it.<br /><br />It's kinda like the weather,varied and unexpected.<br />The sun is shining right now, good, I am going to get some sun kisses on my skin :))<br />maybe no need for the boots ;)<br /><br />I can see that in spite of my self doubts, I still am and will be an artist, I have to just keep expressing my soul as I do and share my own spark.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4265111907/" title="Le Sucre d'Elise by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4265111907_8b2cc10c70.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Le Sucre d'Elise" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />She kept a secret or two <br />My sweet Elise<br />Whatever the bird told you<br />They want her recipe of Bliss<br />Shimmers in her hair threads of words to connect<br />To your heart wires<br />The right way on the left<br />She colors her soul with her kitten kisses<br />Can you hear this neverending melody in her mind<br />The pastel carrousel is made of starlight chantilly<br />the sugar of life can be so easy<br />Just eat the grey clouds & found the silver lining<br />Get crowned and choose your king<br />The words on feather fly in the wind <br />My sweet Elise she knows how to cook the life juicy(...)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4315643159/" title="Maybe I am not unique then by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2751/4315643159_b55ba9449e.jpg" width="500" height="250" alt="Maybe I am not unique then" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Going to the graveyard with Sara<br />She did not know which tomb to cross<br />I told her to take a picture of her heart<br />How many ghost would be dancing blurs on the film<br />Then write another twin story<br />Who cares when you are powerless not to repeat<br />Silent songs<br />January birds<br />The eye of the door<br />Sara at once open and closed<br />given and adorn<br />glowing and torn<br />you recite the same torment<br />spite the flowers<br />burn the seed<br />She said<br />" take my threadbare pieces to weave on the same nets"<br />a beautiful starlite darkest sky with the words she had no time to steal</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4287014111/" title="Fool Mad Hurt Ashamed by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4036/4287014111_644000cc90.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Fool Mad Hurt Ashamed" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">because I hate you<br />like a black and white twister all fakingly romantical<br />semantical lies and so much dirt under the greeny grass don't walk there<br />she lies under<br />the little toads always in the same swamps(...)</span><br />****************************************<br /><br /><br />I still write poetry as you can see.<br />I have many poems in my head but I just don't always take the time to write them down.<br />I have another book of poems and selfies to publish as soon as possible, it'll be in English this time.<br />it feels different to write in French or English, and really I don't like to choose one language.<br />English has given me so much, I owe a lot to this language, to the teachers who taught, to my grandfather who was the first to teach me some English when I was a child, to all the penpals I met, as writing in English helped me learn always more and improve my English.<br /><br />What I should improve right now would be my spoken English, I know it's my shyness but It would be so cool if I could really practise English every day or at least every week.<br />I'll find something in time.<br />Perhaps to make a foreign friend who lives nearby and wish to improve her French?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4304297220/" title="a sincere impostor by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4043/4304297220_7daeec089e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="a sincere impostor" /></a><br /><br />lately I have been quite into Charlotte Gainsbourg's music.<br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/listen-4207955">little monsters</a><br />it sounds like a lullaby I love singing it to my baby :o))<br /><br />I love how Charlotte sings with an British English accent.<br /><br />A lot of people often talk about her like a voiceless singer and such, they sound a bit condescendent at times as if to be an artist you needed to scream at the top of your voice and do such exploits with your voice.<br />I have seen people who can do exploits but there is no soul, their singing is talented but insipid.<br /><br />Charlotte sings with her core and soul, a wonderful and touching frailty that reaches my soul.<br />I have always felt connected to her because of her extreme shyness and the way she talks so low when she is not at ease.<br />I have been the same for years, though I guess somehow I improved that!<br /><br />I guess what I regret perhaps is that I think she does not write her lyrics,but she knows how to be well surrounded to make great and original art with her album.<br />I need to buy her two albums.<br /><br />I think 5:5 is very romantic, a bit tortured and melancholic and very apeasing.<br /><br />IRM is more vintage, rock and she lets go much more!<br />In fact she seems to have grown a new deep confidence in opening up and talking more of her self and what she lived.<br />I adore when she is humming, it's soothing.<br />I love the lyrics I guess they are beck's , I believe it's a great collaboration!she must have had fun doing this.<br />I also love the fact it brings us back to the seventies at times, some songs like heaven can wait really sounds like coming from another era and so fun to sing and dance on ;))<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4303067065/" title="Je suis un poème fantôme by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2785/4303067065_fc0622dc5b.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Je suis un poème fantôme " /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4285524518/" title="miracle by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4027/4285524518_f7b21f1252.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="miracle" /></a><br /><br /><b>you could inspire any blind babies<br />It's such a piece of cake in your landscape of empty space</b><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4285524516/" title="Blue Girl by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2713/4285524516_c98f0dfe9a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Blue Girl" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Here come the little blue girl<br />she comes to take me home<br />Indigo frailty walking on the blades above the void<br />Today is lonely<br />Tomorrow is none<br />Misery mermaids swirling in my blue maelstrom<br />Entangled in those pearls of dew and doubts<br />The hushed words can heal<br />silence silence silence<br />Here come the blue girl to take me home<br />mend the peaces with some glue <br />paint some crosses on my heart<br />I see my paper wings fading away <br />I need a needle but nobody knows how to sew<br />this<br />Miracle of moth holes gentle darkness like a broken tune of a lullaby<br />goodbye blue girl<br />I want to come home<br />feathers under your feet they read some memories<br />a bag of wishes under my pillow<br />And a bucket of tears by the window<br />for the birds to drink<br />for the birds to drink and soar<br />(...)</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4256022673/" title="I don't kiss ghosts by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2707/4256022673_4c26d4dfea.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I don't kiss ghosts" /></a><br />I have also edited some of my flickr friends' self portraits:<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4284640989/" title="soar by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2722/4284640989_52639e2926.jpg" width="467" height="500" alt="soar" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4305631463/" title="Sometimes I wish by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2727/4305631463_a2f2eae087.jpg" width="500" height="434" alt="Sometimes I wish" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4305580877/" title="And there's no other places That I'd lay down my face by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2777/4305580877_65c1e00489.jpg" width="499" height="500" alt="And there's no other places That I'd lay down my face" /></a><br />*******************<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4265859840/" title="Sensual Flowers Climbing Up To My Soul by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4011/4265859840_15ef1f78c7.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Sensual Flowers Climbing Up To My Soul" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4256022669/" title="Quiet days by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2445/4256022669_740bb5abe6.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Quiet days" /></a><br /><br /><br />I'm beginning to think and think a lot about the birth.<br />in two weeks I am reaching the beginning of the term.<br />which means entering the 9th month.<br />Seb and I will try to go to at least 3 birth class (it begins on the 15th of february)<br />if I have to give birth earlier I will already be at the maternity ;) so nothing to worry ^___^;;<br /><br />Now it's a matter of weeks really and it goes so fast, I am a little nervous.<br />I deal very well with it, but now and then I realise I'm gonna have to give birth to this baby and though I am so eager to meet our precious sugarplum, it's something new,it's the unknown, even after reading so much on this and knowing a lot I have never given birth, at least not this physical ways ;)<br /><br />I really hope to cope with the pain and to manage my stress so things go fine.<br />I know how anxiety could block the contractions so I hope to be able to find ways to relax.<br />I'm having homeopathy and acupuncture treatment this month.<br />I still want to give birth with no epidural and I so hope I will be able to do so, it's very important to me, I know how I would feel bad in my soul if not, except if it's not entirely my fault.<br />I want to live this moment deeply and to be there for my daughter.<br /><br />and I can't wait to discover breastfeeding.<br />I know how moved I am going to be...phewww I already know I'll in tears for a long time, I will need to digest all the emotions and the fatigue(physical and emotional).<br />Thus I will likely not blog and show Nina's picture at once I guess.<br /><br />I hope I'll be good at getting organised to structure our new way of living with a baby. I hope we will still have lovely together time seb and I.<br />Surely it'll be upside down in the beginning, but I am getting myself psychologically prepared to face this :)<br />I am reading a lot on the subject.<br /><br />Thank you to those who have offered gifts to our lovely baby it touches my heart deeply!<br />Catriona dear, I got your package this weekend and I love it, you are so adorable!<br />Thank you so much!<br /><br />May 2010 be bright and full of love for each and every of you!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4322154596/" title="♡She+him=you♡ by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4035/4322154596_fefdc0dd57.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="♡She+him=you♡" /></a>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-24755093276720630132009-12-31T05:26:00.000-08:002009-12-31T07:40:49.791-08:00Fairy kittens tale of the end of the year 2009<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4175987119/" title="* by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2578/4175987119_8a2596e893.jpg" width="500" height="313" alt="*" /></a><br /><br />So today is Sébastien's birthday.<br />27.(and yes I'm turning 31 in March)<br /><br />He's been treated a lot this year for xmas and his birthday:) so he's happy.<br />I haven't had much gifts myself but either I want many things or can't think of what I want so I feel I want nothing, I have all the most important I need.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I am blessed with being alive:)and loved</span><br /><br />I bought him a beautiful shirt and a fun t shirt with a skull made of stars and pacman ghosts :)really cool!<br />he also got two wii games, so tonight we're gonna play Mario ^____^ and remember our childhood!<br /><br />I have never been a video game players except during childhood and early teen age:)<br />but the wii is really fun!<br /><br /><br /><br />Yesterday seb was on his way to the station to go to visit his grandma and uncle but he made a touching encounter so he was a bit perplexe.<br />What to do now?<br />So he phoned me, telling me he found two stray kitties cuddling near the road which obviously could be dangerous for baby cats.<br /><br />I was for once a wee bit hesitating, I am pregnant oh! I cannot deal with kittens now!<br />but I react as I always do with abandonned kittens :Take them home!<br /><br />So he missed his train and came back home with adorable kittens that he held in his arms like the father cat he is =^-^=<br />That was so adorable :)<br /><br />My man is definetly ready to be a lovely dad!<br />I adore him!<br />So I put gloves and watched them in the sink.<br />The grey she kitty was not reassured at all, she was all trembling , how cute and moving!<br />Then I dried them in towels that of course we then throw to the bin.<br />We prepared everything in our bathroom for them to have a little home,not really knowing how we were going to sort things out with them and find them a place to call home.<br /><br />But I put ads, hoping some good souls would be kind enough to welcome them.<br /><br />After the bath we fed them, seb went to buy some kitten food, they were so skinny and they ate like they hadn't eaten for ages!<br />poor babies!<br /><br />Then seb went to his grandma to tell his end of year fairy kitten tale :)<br /><br />It's very funny but we often rescue kitties from the streets in winter time. It's the third time it happens.<br />It's always so moving and whatever you give to those creatures you feel filled with so much more.<br />I can't explain, you have to be a cat lovers to understand how these creatures can give so much and make you feel more human, they open your heart even more :)<br /><br />In the afternoon I played with them.<br />Of course I put gloves again.<br />We had a lovely times even if our bathroom is rather small.<br />I loved their little meeewwing so kawaii ^_^<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4231244994/" title="the Joker =^-^= by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2571/4231244994_b853f0d9e8.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="the Joker =^-^=" /></a><br />I fell in love with him, the joker ^____^ he was so like Felix le chat, too crazy and cute, surely an adorable pain ;) ahah<br />he needed some education so I played mother cat :)<br /><br />Ha! we really have a deal with Bastet, we always keep on eyes on her babies when they need some loving.<br /><br />But surely seb and I were cats in other existences, for me it's sure :o)<br />I adore milk ,shrimps and salmond :o)and cuddles!<br />oh and doing nothing! ;) Yes!<br /><br />In a Zen book it's called the art of enjoying boredom, something like that.<br />To just enjoy doing nothing, resting,meditating, being in a frozen moment,it's very important to be able to do that now and then.<br /><br />People who cannot stay quiet and immovable for a moment have a certain problem ,it's like a kind of nervosity or stress.<br />I know my mom has a hard time staying sit down and doing nothing, when she's at home she always do the cleaning , the washing up etc or else she gets bored!<br />That's a bit stressful at time, but now I know that, I can always think of a chore for her (kidding a bit)<br />I love her, I just phoned her this morning to tell her the news.<br />They might come to visit us in the beginning of january, let's hope:)<br /><br />Last night of course I got a sort of anxiety crisis in the night.<br />I was very stressed with the kitten not knowing what we were going to do with them.<br />We already have a big cat and as I'm giving birth to another kind of kitten in March,it's really not the good timing :)<br /><br />I would have had enough love for the black and white one but really it was not sensible.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4230533639/" title="DSC06978 by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2777/4230533639_98dab0a8a9.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="DSC06978" /></a><br />the kitten this morning on the balcony:)<br /><br />This morning I got two answers for the stray kitten, my prayers had been heard! :)<br /><br />Of course I then enjoyed even more the little time to have them here to cuddle and play:)<br />The woman came in the afternoon and took them.<br />She seemed caring and responsible which is the most important so we are not too worried and she came with her two young kids so it was reassuring.<br /><br />There is still a lot of Good souls in this world, the good in people is not something that's rare to be found, if we open our eyes we can see.<br />It's always something quite reassuring to me, it brings even more Glowing electric light to the Xmas Hope I was blogging about in my previous post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4230658389/" title="Layers of seraphic blessings on this new year coming by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4023/4230658389_6976c7b57e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Layers of seraphic blessings on this new year coming" /></a><br />It's a beautiful way to end this year 2009, to give back the love we've been given.<br />To share what we are blessed to have.<br /><br />Of course I cried like a baby when the woman left with the kitten!<br />Give me not even 48hours with stray kitten and I get attached ;)<br /><br />well I am also pregnant and naturally emotional.<br />Ha!<br />we'll have a kitten later.<br />We already have an adorable Takun and a lovely sugarplum fairy to be born in March, what more to ask?<br />Life is beautiful.<br /><br />Better.<br />Like I said once, <span style="font-weight:bold;">Life is beautiful because it makes you cry.</span><br />It makes you feel.So alive.<br /><br />All these emotions are divine, make us so connected to humanity and aware of all the good and beauty down here.<br /><br />Of course whenever we do this I cannot help thinking that there are men and women "abandonne" in the streets too and it's a pity not to do much for them.<br /><br />When we did the shopping we bought some food for a charity that helps the needy.<br /><br />But when you see a person with no home living in the street, you never really know what to do.<br />You cannot obviously do the easy things like for kitten.<br />Of course you can still buy them some food if they are not reluctant to accept it, I often am just too ill at ease to dare approach them.<br />It's a pity.<br />Anyways I am realistic ,it's not easy to help everyone.<br />There will always be people in need.<br /><br />It keeps making us more empathetic and maybe more aware of the luck that we have a home, food and all.<br />We cannot take our blessings even how small they can be for granted.<br />We are the lucky one.<br /><br />So this is how 2009 will end for us.<br />We're gonna make a nice meal tonight, play all our new games on the wii and watch a nice dreamworks or pixar movies as we are addicted to them and got some of them for xmas!<br />We loved <span style="font-style:italic;">là haut</span>(up in English) it was a really moving movie, in fact I just cried during the first minutes of the movie,yes I am emotional like this, but the love story was adorable, and the woman miscarried so I could also remember this pain and also be aware of my blissings.<br />Seb was moved too.<br /><br />We watched another movie some weeks ago and there was a miscarriage too and I loved how he held my hands.<br />I was fine, I did not cry, we are having a baby girl ,we live in present time :)because it's gift!<br /><br />Also I have seen so many couple breaking up,divorcing or having trouble in this end of the year so I am even more aware of what we have ,that we have to entertain ,preserve and keep on making bloom :)<br /><br />It's really not easy at all to be a balanced couple in bloom,it takes ages,many years, quarells, lack of understanding,lots of grief too, mistakes...Life is not all roses!<br />Really I could write a book on the subject but gosh I would not know where to begin.<br />But even if I'm not an expert I've had my share of couple problems unhappiness, that's why I am really not afraid or guilty to express my happiness now!<br /><br />I do not know what life has planned in the future, we live one day at a time, making the best of it!<br /><br />I do believe that with true love both side and good communication,both sides have to say what they expect from their partner and get closer to the love they need, because it's so unhealthy and makes you grow sad and bitter like incomplete in your soul if you accept to feel unloved,it takes also some compromises but <span style="font-weight:bold;">no sacrifice</span>, you can be together forever,you can save your couple and make it be healthy, happy , we all can have like another honeymoon , trully!<br /><br />This morning I had a dream my parents were divorcing, I was so sad.<br />Of course it was just a bad dream and in it I was aware of my luck to still have my parents together after all these years!<br />Of course they do quarrel and all, sometimes it's boring to see that ^_^ but I guess if there was no love and no common points no shared passion they would not be together after all this time :)<br /><br />Wherever you are in your life right now, count your blessings don't focuse on your lacks, think of your hopes dreams and wishes, all the good things you crave to have visualise them as if they were here and now!<br />It's a good feeling and it helps making things happen more quickly.<br />We definetly need a good will, an open mind and heart and a daring soul to get the things we want in this life!<br /><br />I remember in the past how my bitterness and cowardice got me stuck.<br />That's another living proof on how we can improve and evolve our human being just because our spirit is strong and can always learn, think different and so forth.<br /><br />So well, everyone I am wishing you a nice end of the year, remember you are loved even if you cannot see or feel it now and like everyone else in this world you have things to give, to share, reasons to be there, so don't give up!<br /><br />Keep wishing and dreaming!<br />Call your dreams across the oceans, they will reach you if you don't lose your hopes!<br />Don't remain in the thinking whatever you think, live in actions, reality, concrete matters.<br />Here & Now.<br /><br />Enjoy the small details.Make your life begin now!Make your soul rebirth in 2010!<br /><br />Bring on the Positive vibes!<br />Decide!<br />Don't live in martyr, dare to say no when enough is enough!<br />Dare to ask for help when needed!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Dare to open your heart, trust others & dare to love !</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Dare to be selfish now and then</span>, don't carry your loved ones sorrow, don't be the savior, the crutch, the sewer of their heart pieces to mend...it's wonderful to have empathy,it's beautiful to help and listen, but some people sacrifice themselves and get used and abused by that kind of situation, they end up being some kind of savior whereas they also need to be saved somehow, to feel loved, to receive too.<br /><br />We can be good friends good listeners but sometimes it's alright sane and right to say enough and protect oneself!<br />It's not your mission or load to take, it's theirs.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">We all are responsible for our actions.</span><br /><br />I have been there several years ago.<br />Living in self neglection is no good for your health and balance.<br />A healthy life is made of give and take.<br />Open your self to that!<br />Make a change happen!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4187891152/" title="We all can be guardian angels by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2610/4187891152_f0f686fe6c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="We all can be guardian angels" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4187128857/" title="You only, know when it's time to let go & swim across new shores by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2656/4187128857_ed903a4ca6.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="You only, know when it's time to let go & swim across new shores" /></a><br />I want to end with some music:<br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/listen-4566479">Harps of gold</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/listen-4566480">snow angel</a><br /><br />I don't love all the songs of this new tori amos album, but those songs are beautiful,calm and apeasing.<br /><br /><br />I am not religious but I love this catholic quote, whoever is your God or whatever is your faith, may you be blessed in 2010!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4230700747/" title="God loves his children by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2574/4230700747_0fa0b82211.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="God loves his children" /></a><br />Glōria in excelsīs Deō, et in terrā pāx hominibus bonae voluntātis.Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-60751273953508048072009-12-25T10:49:00.000-08:002009-12-26T05:10:55.961-08:00The meaning of xmas<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4190625264/" title="Des baisers doux pour ma petite princesse de lumière by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2512/4190625264_4c75dd3c13.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Des baisers doux pour ma petite princesse de lumière" /></a><br /><br />I think xmas reminds me childhood and reconnect me to thousands of lovely memories.<br />Then during teenage time xmas became difficult because you lose hopes, you feel disappointed in many things, you feel lonely.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4190625246/" title="No one ever keeps a secret so well as a child. by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4001/4190625246_877be4508f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="No one ever keeps a secret so well as a child." /></a><br />I remember also the exotic kind of xmas we would celebrate as my grandma on my mother's side was vietnamese, so it was very original and delicious.<br /><br />Oh and the magic of the ritual of opening our gifts around midnight!<br />What was fantastic for us was the fact that in the morning we would again have some gift<br /><br />Mostly as a teen all I wanted for xmas was true love, a boyfriend,some passion to hold me in the dark of my little heart, I was such a melancholic girl!<br />I used to envy all my friends having this special love in their life and me just dreaming of it and watching those romantic xmas movies and sipping on hot chocolate to cheer me up.<br /><br />I remember the xmas of my 15 years old I told myself okay let's be nice this time and pretend and not be another killjoy...so I tried to party and enjoy myself but I remember the loneliness of my heart.<br />It's a pity at that time not to be already grateful for what we have, a family, good food ,a warm home decorated and gifts :)<br /><br />Yet Love has always been my essential.My torment.My dream.<br /><br />Xmas finally meant childhood, family and good meal.<br />We always celebrated the pagan xmas, we were not religious but we still would put a xmas crib with the little jesus, all the sheep(my favourite) and Marie, Joseph and the others.<br />I would play with those little characters as a child:)<br />Maybe reinventing the stories!<br />I cared much more about the sheep and the little jesus!<br /><br />I loved the decoration of xmas and the holiday, my mom cooking delicious things for us.<br /><br />After some years of boycotting xmas and making my funeral face during the parties, oh even the first years with sebastien, especially when we had to celebrate at his family's just because for some years the contact with them was not easy at all.<br />Maybe because to me they did not take our story seriously and perhaps the fact they thought I was too old for sebastien, who knows?<br />I think I could not enjoy xmas because I always wanted more.<br /><br />Time passes, everything evolves and changes.<br /><br />But the first xmas in the mountain we spent in 2001 was amazing.I have so many wonderful memories of this time!<br />We were very lucky to be there just the two of us under lots of snow.<br /><br />Xmas always make me want to see the snow!<br />And this year again we've been lucky enough to have some snow here, it was lovely and so apeasing!<br /><br />I can now imagine the first time we'll go to the mountain with your daughter, but it'll be in some years now, it's better to wait till she can learn how to skii!<br />It's so cute to see those 3 years old kids on skiis :)<br /><br />But honestly I am not eager of time to pass now.<br />I will enjoy every smile, every season, deeper,with more awareness of everything.<br /><br />Sometimes people stress the fact that our life is gonna change drastically with a child but that's what I'm waiting for!<br />I wanted and needed a change, a life more organised, structured etc!<br />For many years I have had such a big freedom, so much time on my hands.<br />I have not always done the best of it in the first years, I am completely ready for another kind of life.<br /><br />I have not been working outside for about 6 years. I have during all these years been able to sleep as much as I wanted in the morning( except during the time I had apointments or when I studied again in 2005)of course not everything was wonderful, I had insomnia, anxiety disorder,depression, suffered from feeling so useless, unemployed and so forth.<br />Also I was very lonely at times, I also felt some kind of void, this huge lack of my biggest dream : to have a family.<br /><br />But I had time to become the artist I am, to learn,to love, to give, to heal myself a lot, to find a kind of inner peace, to be more balanced and aware of the things I wanted and needed in my life.<br /><br />I don't regret a thing.<br /><br />I think I have had many years of silence, being alone at home, luckily in late 2004 our Takun =^_^= arrived and really it did change my life!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4190625250/" title="my cutest furry creature by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2684/4190625250_98277c13e2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="my cutest furry creature" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4187134317/" title="The sweetest creature by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2622/4187134317_f02ce8b8d0.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="The sweetest creature" /></a><br />In my heart I have always been ready to be a mother!<br />But maybe my life was not stable enough.<br />Whatever.<br />Better late than never!<br /><br />I can now imagine xmas differently from another point of view.<br />I am now at peace in my life heart and soul and xmas means Family and good meal and of course one of the most important thing : Hope.<br /><br />Hope for tomorrow.<br />Hope for our loved ones.<br />Hope for our planet.<br />Hope in humanity.<br /><br />I love that spirit of xmas, when we open our heart to others, we forgive or try to forgive... it is not always easy to forgive when some anger lies under something we cannot explain to ourselves, so somehow for us it's better to reject and not forgive.<br />I don't know.<br /><br />Xmas makes me want to offer to others, to make them happy.<br />I have sent more xmas card this year, surely not much the past years.<br /><br />We spent a lovely xmas meal with seb's mom and her man.<br />Seb and I cooked together like chefs! ^___^ <br /><br />Now I am looking forward to the 31 just because it's sebastien's birthday!<br /><br />Hope everyone's got a lovely xmas time and even if you were lonely on that day or that things were not that great for you along this year, xmas is the time to renew ones hopes and make some wishes so that next year it's closer to what you want your life to be!<br />We are the actors of our life we can make the change we want to see happen, it just takes some good will, patience of course and one of the key of a happier life : positive thinking!<br />something that took me years to learn.<br /><br />And when you are happy keep on entertaining and feeding these blessings, live with awareness!<br /><br /><br />and here is my first book published in French, it's made of kind of fairy/poetic tales and stories, it's made of expression and imagination, sometimes real spiritual and from the heart and sometimes totally twisted, weird,going everywhere just like my personality, always in between two waters :)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4208833622/" title="couverture contes poétiques du grenier(you can buy it now on Blurb!) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2608/4208833622_82c4f01bc4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="couverture contes poétiques du grenier(you can buy it now on Blurb!)" /></a><br /><br />To buy my new book<br /><a href="http://www.blurb.com/my/book/detail/1110233" rel="nofollow">www.blurb.com/my/book/detail/1110233</a><br /><br />The profit will go to the charity I am supporting Enfance Nepal au touvet.<br />So thank you so much for wanting to read me and encouraging my hard work from the heart for the children in Nepal!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4203221013/" title="Fantasque à souhait by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2718/4203221013_3f7a7fbdda.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Fantasque à souhait" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4203201289/" title="Swoon Soon by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2586/4203201289_0eb5782352.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Swoon Soon" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4192332016/" title="Etre Ou Paraître that is the question by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4046/4192332016_a45826d863.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Etre Ou Paraître that is the question" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Open your arms and heart more often</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4192332014/" title="Open your arms and heart more often by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2781/4192332014_d3c7e5bccc.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Open your arms and heart more often" /></a><br /><br />dare to trust, dare to love, dare to live as much as you can before it's too late<br /><br />Blessed be everyone!keep enjoying your holiday!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4194730167/" title="live love laugh by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2762/4194730167_fce8748be9.jpg" width="339" height="500" alt="live love laugh" /></a>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-31260865870416281322009-12-16T03:52:00.000-08:002009-12-16T08:53:53.324-08:00Entering the Last Trimester!I can't believe this wow :)Finally right now it seems it went by so fast, in spite of the pain and fatigue ,but still have the last trimester to do which is often said to be the worse one because we get impatient and less and less sleep!<br /><br />But I am handling it. I must say I feel really good today.<br />I feel Huge,Heavy and have got such a beautiful way to walk now ^___^;;<br />Anyways I hardly go out right now, just to go down the stairs would make me all out of breath!;)<br /><br />It's really cold outside now anyways and I really don't want to get sick.<br />On saturday we're seeing the gyno for the monthly appointment.<br />Always hoping everything's fine:)<br />But it seems that everything is fine as she is moving a lot and keep puting on weight:)<br /><br />I am entering the 7th month of pregnancy and the last trimester, it's wonderful!<br />And soon next week sebastien will have some holidays so we can have some good time together, comfortable in the warmth of our home, finishing to decorate our daughter's room to make it look more like a baby's room :)<br /><br />I am very happy also because lately I have met two young mothers( one to be) and one with a newborn, so I am making friends in real life, girls who can relate and share with me.<br />I am very glad to get to know them, we have lots in common and we will be able next year to go out with our babies, take pictures, do any kind of activities together.<br />I am looking forward to this!<br /><br />I am aware that 2010 many of my dreams will come true and this is so exciting!<br />the more we come closer to March the more excited I am going to be!!! <br />^______^<br />Dear God, I feel I have been waiting for this moment my whole life!<br /><br />and I am going to be a stay at home mom, at least for the first years, we'll see how things go later.<br />But my closest friends and most people who know me are aware that it was my dream, to be there for my children, not to miss a thing, to take good care of my family.<br />I am definetly an indoor kitty =^_^=<br />but I also love to hang out in the nature of course and with my baby I will do that a lot.<br />It's another thing that will change in my life.<br />I will be more balance with going out and staying home with some self time too.<br />I used to be such a recluse artist!<br /><br />I have lived so many years inside, and it taught me a lot of course but I know part of me wanted to go outside, that's also why I have spread myself so thin to too many people, I know I have a lot to offer and share and now I am going to do this in a healthy way :)<br /><br />I am also very glad because sebastien is building a website for our daughter :)<br />It's going to be really lovely and so kawaii, exactly what I love!<br />I hope we'll find time to update it now and then!<br />I guess I'll be able to update it with the thousands pictures I am going to take of my baby girl...<br /><br />I am on cloud nine and even higher, sometimes I even feel ill at ease to share my excitement, my wonder, my enthusiasm because I know what naysayers can think or say,but who cares?<br />The important is to enjoy this here and now!<br /><br />and I am quite sure a lot of my friends derive joy from mine as I do from them, or even can feel so very sad when they hurt too.<br /><br />Sebastien is helping me a lot and I am so grateful for this, because at this time I really have to be careful, baby has to stay inside till at least the end of February.<br /><br />In two months from now she can come out whenever she likes, but it would be better in the beginning of March :)<br /><br />Anyways my arms are wide open and ready to give her so many hugs and so much love!<br />ha!<br /><br />Ha there is something I don't like at all it's when she seems to have the hiccup, this repetitive movement is a bit unpleasant and stressful... I always wonder is she okay?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4181592586/" title="Strange Little Girl With A Mask by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2772/4181592586_954e3ce4d5.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Strange Little Girl With A Mask " /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4178330331/" title="It kills me inside by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2551/4178330331_374b02a0c9.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="It kills me inside" /></a><br /><br />I keep loving to "ruin",destroy pictures with textures that make them look blurier, vintage or just used you know.<br />it gives a fragile atmosphere , the emotion behind imperfection,that's what I like!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4175851871/" title="Missing You by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2696/4175851871_c705196374.jpg" width="480" height="500" alt="Missing You" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4176630774/" title="Nina and I by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2677/4176630774_126ae4cc5c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Nina and I" /></a><br />my belly is bigger now but on the front we cannot see it that much!<br />but I love the purity and tenderness of these pictures!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4176325870/" title="Baby Love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4042/4176325870_e52f621f81.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Baby Love" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4176325866/" title="I am a nest by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4176325866_0ebc829c57.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I am a nest" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4168209435/" title="soul bloom by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2626/4168209435_17b64b48fb.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="soul bloom" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4157907790/" title="Oh My Goddess! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2620/4157907790_04f5ca03fd.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Oh My Goddess!" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4157659508/" title="Mon amour by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2488/4157659508_3704499b37.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mon amour" /></a><br /><br />I would love to do a photoshoot of my pregnancy with sebastien,maybe we'll do this during the holidays but really have so many things to do that it won't be the priority!<br />we really have things to tidy,fix, put curtains, decorate the apartment etc<br />I am tired of the white walls, I want some posters etc <br /><br />*****<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4189233631/" title="Believe in the Marvelous enter other realms by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2646/4189233631_9a57668cd0.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Believe in the Marvelous enter other realms" /></a><br /><br />I also wanted to take the time to answer my own questions from <a href="http://soulcoachingmusinghealingsearching.blogspot.com/">my other blog</a> to share my thoughts and how I see and live things now<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">1)How are you connected to your own spirituality?Do you take some time to think about your reasons to be there, your life purpose?<br />are you in touch with divine messages you could receive through your dreams,signs in your daily life and do you take time to interprete them and find the guidance you need through them?</span><br /><br />Of course I am deeply connected to my own spirituality,but it does not mean I am living on spiritual mod all the time, I can still just let go, have my vain moments and live in the more practical things of life.<br />i guess it's a question of balance.<br />I mean if I were to become only a stay at home mom with severing the spiritual and artistic part of my life I would not be happy and balanced.<br />We cannot be cut , once we know that we do the thing we need to find a balance to sort of do it all :)<br /><br />What? I sound idealistic?<br />I am definetly a realistic dreamer ;)<br />When there's a will there's a way, and it's much better to find ways to get a better organisation of one's life instead of forever complaining about the lack of this and that, that's way too sad, why live this way forever?what's the point?<br />naysayers will say find me a solution if you think it's so easy.<br /><br />I never said it was easy, but I have seen many happy stay at home mom who were still creative spiritual and in bloom in every aspect of their life.<br />Anything is possible!<br /><br />Even if some day we feel upset because we could not do all the things we wanted, well the best is to prioritize.<br />The essential.<br /><br />I am more and more aware of my life purpose.<br />I live with this awareness of all the possibilities,it helps me expand my mind and liberate my spirit, it allows me to believe in some kind of freedom.<br /><br />And I have a thousands reasons to be there!<br />So many things to be grateful in my life!<br />I am always looking forward, life keeps on getting better.<br />I do believe the fact I think positive helps a lot in the way my life has changed for the best!<br /><br />Law of attraction!<br /><br />And yes I am finding guidance in the divine messages I get through dreams,signs, little things that happen that we call coincidences, I believe things happen for a reason.<br />We can really learn so much about ourselves while listening to what our dreams or nightmares say at night.<br />It's like when you're on a bad day and you just turn on the tv or radio and there is a song with words that can comfort you or make you think further.<br />signs are everywhere to be found if we keep our eyes open.<br /><br />Also when we meet strangers and have a deep conversation with them, this short sharing can be meaningful.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />2)How do you feel inside right now?<br />What is at this precise time your essential?What are you living for? what makes you want to wake up in the morning?<br />if you lack of reasons to wake up in the morning how can you improve that?<br />Can you find the present blessings in your situation at the moment?<br /></span><br /><br />Well I feel many things, but the most is made of excitement!<br />I want to open my xmas gifts:))) like a child ^_____^<br />I want to treat my loved ones and see their smile or know they were pleased with what I found for them:)<br />I enjoy simple things, inviting friends at home to talk and have some tea, reading, watching a good desperate housewives ^_^ with my love!<br />Cooking for friends:)chatting with friendly women in pregnancy forums and sharing our good or bad days,writing letters...<br /><br />I am glad this year is ending taking away all the ends the sorrows the things that taught us and made us grow so we can begin anew!<br />I am very happy with the way things are, I enjoy the moment even if I am so impatient!I wont ever take a moment of my daughter's life for granted!<br />This will be preciousssss ;)<br /><br />I believe we are human, even if we dont want to age and run after time, we all can feel eager when something like this , giving birth to our first child is going to happen, it's amazing!<br /><br />My essential is my family!the people I care about, my friends too.<br />I am living for all the thing I love and want to share!<br /><br />I wake up in the morning complaining most of the time ahah because of the pregnancy!<br />I wake up very early around 6 O' clock sometimes earlier when I ache too much and cannot stay in bed.<br />But most of the time I feel good, I am glad to see my sweetheart to be able to spend more time with him( I wasn't a morning person so before he used to wake up alone and have breakfast alone and go to work in the cold) it is much better now, to have this moment,to share our dreams, to talk about Nina etc.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />3)Do you have a clear and honest inner communication?do you kindly take the time to listen to your self as you would do with your own best friend?<br />Do you take the time to "give kind comments/compliments" to your self like you would do to your own best friend?<br />Can you listen and apply the advice you would take the time to kindly give to your own best friend?</span><br /><br />Yes I try my best to listen to what's inside and even more now that I am pregnant, somehow I am communicating also with my daughter, we are so linked at this moment!<br />So I try to see where the emotions I feel come from, for instance the mood swings, suddenly I feel depressed and lonely and I have to just welcome the emotions and let go and be aware that it's just a moment,it's the fatigue and the pregnancy.<br />Nothing to worry about.<br />Most of the time I end up feeling better by the end of the day or the next day!<br /><br />I often used to live in a too self neglected way listening and caring about others before myself, my own emotions etc<br />Now I listen to myself like I would for another person.<br />I always love to listen to others and be able to have the words that can solace them, I know now that I can also do this with me.<br />I just have to put some distance and I end up finding the words I need to hear :)<br />It's good to be in a gentle touch with oneself so much more healthy!<br /><br />We can see in community or forum of depressive people , a lot of them being able to cheer up the others and they cannot give themselves the same words and advice that's such a pity!<br />I used to be there.<br />I listened to others and was very depressed at times.<br />Finally all I needed was to know the healer needs healing too at times, and we can be both!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">As the teacher keeps being taught, by others, the world, other teachers, the universe, life and so forth.</span><br /><br />I was so bad at applying my own advice and I know now how hypocrite it can be and that's such a way to betray one's thinking and also to not to be true to oneself.<br />it is not easy to always be in the positive thinking and to have the words, it's normal to need to complain, feel sorry for oneself but it's important to stop before we get stuck in some kind of survival mod, we cannot fake things or we just end up abandonning ourselves, such a sad thing!<br />And I am not judging people saying so, it's just something sad to see people wasting time when life is so short.<br />Sometimes they need reminders like a death around them to react ,a shocking things to bear in mind that it's very important to make the best of the time we have now.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Life is big, life is now and whatever you want can begin now if you decide, just with you making some kind of contract with yourself and go for it, go where you want to go,one day at a time!</span>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-79858345242977077902009-12-02T07:10:00.000-08:002009-12-16T07:19:59.536-08:00December is already there can't believe a whole year is ending so soon!okay that might be totally silly but nevermind :)<br />it's only some kind of pregnancy craving:)<br /><br />so I would like Kellogg's Fruit Loops Breakfast Cereal <br />There have discontinued the selling of those cereals in France, I used to eat them when I was around 14 years old and really it's a craving I have these days ^___^<br />I sometimes have the feeling I have some cravings link to my childhood:)but nothing too weird!<br /><br />so if anyone from the USA or maybe UK? can buy some for me and tell me how much it would cost with the shipping cost( economic preferrably) I would be really happy(laughing)and would pay you via paypal:))<br /><br />I am trying to find some on internet but there shipping cost is always so much and also the price of the cereals it becomes a luxury!<br /><br />Except from this childish craving I am doing fine eating chocolate clusters cereals(laughing)<br />really this week I am having a new wave of fatigue, but it's because the nights are not fun, I wake up in the middle of the night with pain in my hip and elbow and sometimes baby is moving and kicking and Goddess knows why I suddenly feel hungry.<br /><br />ah well better wait before trying my wii balance board to know my new weight<br />it's funny somehow because I never put on weight.<br /><br />I have been painting, yes! it's been a while!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4143805914/" title="3 paintings in process on my messy desk by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2634/4143805914_a01d980d6d.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="3 paintings in process on my messy desk" /></a><br /><br />it really demands much energy and concentration and sometimes I just want not to think too much. It's much easier to play with photoshop and pictures.<br />Of course for this I also have to think, but I can try and test and always erase change the thing, whereas painting you have to be careful of every steps even if it does not have to be perfect, when you know what you want, you just go slowly.<br /><br />Oh Goddess! I could just lie on the couch with a bowl of desired froot loops before some tv show:))<br /><br />I am so spiritual today.ahah.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4143805926/" title="Reconnect Your Soul With Your Inner Goddesses by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2681/4143805926_ec49949a88.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="Reconnect Your Soul With Your Inner Goddesses" /></a><br />that painting might be used for a book project I have in mind, I should begin to work on this soon, but yes definetly not today.<br /><br />I began another book this week, a book of photography and perhaps including some poems of mine too,I think it's gonna be a big book but somehow I wonder if I should wait to publish it because I have other things to include in it, I am not sure, I will see what I decide.<br /><br />I can begin to publish another book of photography, the thing is that I hardly can publish a book of photos only.<br />Because many of my pictures have poems linked to them, because what I do is phoetry, and of course pictures talk a lot and sometimes maybe they dont need words, but they do inspire me words, they make me want to speak and take the viewer inside the landscape ,to visit a part of my soul garden or just go dream ,find back something they have lost, memories and such...<br /><br />I think it would be frustrating for me,to publish a book of pictures and let the poems die away in the shadows because I am quite sure one of my biggest need with books is to be read, one of my biggest desire with photos is to share messages, poems, thoughts,words yes my beloved ones , words have always been my greatest friends from how far I can remember.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4143846024/" title=""I miss you but I haven't met you yet" by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2677/4143846024_d3cea2d063.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt=""I miss you but I haven't met you yet"" /></a><br /><br />I was thinking of my daughter while painting that.<br />I don't think she'll have blue hair,but I love to imagine fairy birds sending her blessings over her cradle:)<br />and in her heart her daddy ^___^<br />it's a special picture I have included in this.<br />It's a picture I did of sebastien on the beach while he was taking a picture of the sea.<br />It was during my first pregnancy.<br />and somehow it talks about the long road of emotions till I finally meet my daughter:)<br />and I love the symbol of sebastien looking at the horizon on the sea, this infinite and keeping a picture of this time made of hopes.<br /><br />ah today I'm always on the verge of fainting,it's really not much fun.<br />and I did have two naps,one in the morning and one after lunch.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4143721170/" title="The Winged creatures by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2588/4143721170_92aa02a73b.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="The Winged creatures" /></a><br /><br />I am still lucky to have my art, imagination and creativity, to make something good of this pregnancy, to find ways to enjoy it, to remember it, to be grateful for it, and make it "pretty" when in real it's not <span style="font-style:italic;">that </span>pretty!<br /><br />and this belly often looks charming and not so huge on picture, when in the mirror it's like oh my????is this me still?<br />It's so strange!<br /><br />and I looked at old pictures of me taken by sebastien, I was so thin, such a flat tummy.<br /><br />But I also found some older nude pictures of me and really I had a strange impression that I was way too thin, like a baby woman body!<br />It's really still surprising that men could have found me desirable, attractive with such a thin body!<br />It's funny how we can see ourselves!<br /><br />Not that I didn t love my body, I love thin very much :)<br />but I prefer to be rounder and more woman like.<br />I would never be like women who wants to look like teens and wear a size zero!<br />that's ridiculous!<br /><br />It's better and healthier to accept the evolution in our woman's life and to live with it:)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4136535078/" title="Embracing and waltzing with the lights within by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2487/4136535078_4dd41303cf.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Embracing and waltzing with the lights within" /></a><br /><br />It's just amazing how time flies and we change and also dont think we have changed this much.<br />I also found pictures of me at the age of 16 and I thought really I had the same attitude though I am a better model now (laughing), it was funny the way I used to pose like a poser, it was like overacting ^___^;;<br />ah and I never found myself pretty and was so self concious, God knows why I loved modeling and photos so much, maybe it was a way to love myself and get some confidence?<br /><br />It was something fun with my girl friends at that time.<br />I had many photo shoot with friends during adolescence.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4135670795/" title="siamese mermaids by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2507/4135670795_2ef30615aa.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="siamese mermaids" /></a><br /><br />my creativity is bursting,it's really coming back to me in spite of the fatigue<br />it's as if the inner muses were kicking from the inside just like N.J ;)<br />It's my soul fighting with a wreckish body:)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4135670791/" title="Who are we (really) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2768/4135670791_4b2a22c31b.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Who are we (really)" /></a><br /><br />I have several book ideas and projects, paintings too,and I created a new blog.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4135670789/" title="Light Weaving Gently by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2584/4135670789_aa63659799_b.jpg" width="1024" height="507" alt="Light Weaving Gently" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4138798544/" title="Between light and darkness by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2486/4138798544_757118c0bc.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Between light and darkness" /></a><br /><br />I like this self very much because I do believe we can all be constantly between light and darkness, our emotions, the way we live, our dreams,our past, our future, our hopes , our behaviours,our beauties and vices and so forth...<br /><br /><a href="http://soulcoachingmusinghealingsearching.blogspot.com/">my new blog is here</a><br /><br />I am really eager to begin with it always hoping to reach out, make a difference and help others a way or another:)<br />so many people have helped and inspired me in my life that I always feel like giving it all back and even more.<br />It has to be this way constantly, to pass on the light, the energy...<br />yeah I am a zombie with energy, see how my soul want to keep on speaking, making art and sharing...I am handling things :)<br /><br />I am even sure I will handle everything when the baby is there.<br />I will be worried of course, I will need a time of adaptation to get organised with everything.<br />I wont paint as much, I wont take pictures as much maybe, but I know I will keep on having each of my sides, because this is how you are balanced and healthy and in bloom in your existence as a human being.<br />when you sever a side of your self just out of sacrifice or because of wrong reasons, excuses and such well you're just then responsible for the frustration, sadness,and other negative emotions you may feel but this will see more in my other blog for sure:)))<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4133208097/" title="None of us(former best friend) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2517/4133208097_b94002d98a.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="None of us(former best friend)" /></a><br />this is a self of a friend I have edited and it inspired me a poem when I was listening to Bells for her by tori amos.<br /><br />I so love this song!moving!<br />******<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">We knew we'd reach some kind of closure<br />She and I would never more weave fireflies<br />we knew the last words<br />It was a wintery grave for a long time<br />But none of us dared to say a word<br />We let that silence of death say it all for us<br />It was not too late<br />it was nobody's fault<br />Maybe we were worn out empty pockets of time<br />With a constant jet lag and dots in the wavelength<br />And maybe I was never able to swallow her stagnant blood<br />She would never break a door neither a window<br />I could not be her voice<br />How many more years of listening helpless the things that I cannot change<br />I was ridiculous with my "if I were you"<br />speck of dust to the wind<br />I have tried to be a good friend maybe I was none<br />but we just could not pretend anymore that we adore(...) <br /><br /></span><br /><br />It's december! can you believe it!<br />and though I have mood swings due to pregnancy I really did not have a true S.A.D like I used to.<br />I believe my daughter already makes me oh so happy from the inside:)<br />well when she moves so much as if she wants out already it's not fun :P<br /><br />right now she seems a bit quiet, maybe she is sleeping:)<br />How much I will love to look at her sleeping like an angel:)<br /><br />I was looking at pictures of me with my younger brother the one I dont consider my brother anymore for what he did to us, to the family when he was a young child and all along the years.<br />I am quite aware bearing grudges is no good and I am not bearing a grudge here,for somehow I don't hate him, I hate to hate anyways.<br />I just do not have any kind of love/affection for him.<br />But when I look at how I was motherly to him, on pictures he's often with me, I am hugging him, holding him in my arms.<br /><br />I can remember how much I loved him and to see these pictures reassured me on how I am going to be as a mother to my daughter.<br />I know I will be caring, careful, loving and really devoted.<br />I will do everything for her, I will never ever neglect her and Mother time will always come first.<br />I will still be an artist and do all the things I love but I will include my family, my children in every aspect of my life, because they are a part of it and it cannot be severed.<br /><br />I have met so many people who first of all shared the negative aspects, the drawbacks of having kids and this always saddened me because to me it is a true blessings and I am quite sure I wont change my mind on this ever!<br />Of course there will be tiring days, of course sometimes I will be bored, cross and lose patience, it's just human:)<br /><br />But I am already oh so grateful to be finally able to create my family.<br />People always find a good excuses in kids not to do all the things they could for themselves.<br />I will talk about this in my other blog about how we have to give ourselves some soul time so self time to be balanced or else we just go towards a wall.<br /><br />and though it may be the crisis, and though there is a lot of unemployment, and we lack of money and we are busy, and we have a huge to do list and we keep on adding things every day well I believe sometimes it is good to say ENOUGH!<br />and have a breather!<br /><br />what's the point in killing oneself under useless stress?<br />what matters? what is the essential?<br />oh well.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4143009511/" title="Cleansing your chakras by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2679/4143009511_b6c2927bbc.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Cleansing your chakras" /></a><br /><br />Maybe I should begin my sharing on Awakening the inner source with this, the cleansing of chakra the balance.<br />but this will have to wait till tomorrow morning I guess, I just need to rest right now, my body is telling me.<br /><br />I am feeling good.<br />I have a huge wishlist of books I want for xmas, while my love has begun his xmas list for santa claus of wii video games ahah ;)<br />ah boys will be boys, anyways I would love to play to the Mario bross one, it will remind me childhood:)<br />and these days , being pregnant connect me deeply to each part of my childhood, many memories coming to my head and yesterday ,tidying I found some old records,not cds small records, of my favourite cartoons, the fraggle rocks and such!<br />it was funny, too bad we dont have a record player, but maybe I can use them as object to decorate the bedroom, I will see how it can work:) to give a vintage vibe to it and also some memories of my own childhood:))<br /><br />I am so glad that I have been able to keep all these things from childhood, some of my barbie dolls, my fav childhood books, these are things I want to share with my daughter.<br /><br />well I am chatty today:)<br /><br />Hopefully there will be more paintings to show next week:)<br />the bedroom is more and more tidied:) yes incredible!!!<br />I am so impatient to decorate it!<br /><br />we are waiting for the sales in January to buy all the baby things we still need to buy, hope everything will be fine.<br />I was thinking that it might not be so much fun to go shopping in January, with crowded shops and all.<br />I have already a hard time in shops now, I am dragging my body,it's pathetic!<br /><br />I am thinking about going to the hairdresser on saturday while sebastien go errands ;)<br />hey HE CAN DRIVE NOW ^___________^woooh oooh<br />Thank you Nicolas!!!!<br /><br />He's lucky to have a great friend who helped him learn back all the basics and now he feels more confident so it's great!<br />especially because of my belly now its less and less comfortable to drive, and I have to keep the seatbelt not too close to my belly, it's annoying!<br /><br />I want to sacrifice my hair,a change and also it's much more practical and when I'll be in the labour room I wont have my hair in my face bothering me!<br />Also it will do me good to take care of myself and have someone take care of me, its always relaxing!<br /><br />I should have written the days I did not feel tired! because it's true in between I do have days of energy, I could not run a sprint but I can do things and dont feel sleepy all the time:)<br /><br />right now I am so tired I could not go downstairs to get the mail,hope to have some!<br />it's always lovely to receive real letters!<br /><br />We've decorate for xmas and we bought a lovely xmas tree that scent like in my childhood, I loved this!<br />it really brings a lovely atmosphere in our living room:)<br />it makes me feel like a little girl again!<br /><br />I so want xmas gift to open on the 25 in the morning under the xmas tree!!! oh Yes!!!<br />:)))<br />Our best xmas gift is on the way ,it will also be a re-birthday gift in March, how lovely!<br /><br />and it will come soon now!<br />december is getting ready for all celebrations.<br />january last u/s and first maternity visit with the midwife etc.<br />february the birth class, not sure if I will go to each of them, I will see.<br />It depends if seb can drive me there and come with me<br />I just want to go there to know about the breathing techniques for the rest I have read so much on each subjected that I can be tested anytime ;))<br /><br />it does not mean I will a pro at breastfeeding but I know how it should work and I will do my best for it to go well.<br />I know there are people to talk to get help with this anyways so I wont give up.<br />I am not too worried, in fact I take one thing at a time and I dont want to get stress before anything happened.<br />I want to keep this new serenity to handle everything.<br /><br />if you have some money for xmas ,feel free to offer this book to friends of yours who loves photography and want new inspiration:))<br /><br /><a href="http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/896008" title="poetic terrorism finally on sale for the public! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img width="197" alt="poetic terrorism finally on sale for the public!" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2543/4003831273_e3479d51a0_m.jpg" height="240"/></a><br /><br />Blessings and lightHélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-68220124477722738612009-11-22T23:50:00.000-08:002009-11-23T00:50:38.725-08:00The up and downs of the end of the second trimesterI'm in the 6th month of pregnancy and so upset that the second trimester was not like they say everywhere better in every way...<br />The more it goes the more tired I feel and it's even hard to walk...<br /><br />We went to the gyno for another u/s<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4122502212/" title="Our sweetheart by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2799/4122502212_7ce914e9db.jpg" width="500" height="343" alt="Our sweetheart" /></a><br /><br />at least we got this time a picture of her lovely profile.<br />It's always moving and everytime I only think about my love for her I have tears in my eyes.<br /><br />The baby is rather low and the way she said so did not reassured me so much...<br />she really said that now I really have to rest.<br />Of course everything is fine with me and the baby, but the fact the baby is low and the head looks down already, it's like she is ready to flip down and eager to meet us ahah!<br /><br />I just needed to cry after the apointment<br />I was all worried and unable to think positive.<br />Thank goddess sebastien can do this for us.<br />I must say that I hardly sleep at night and Goddess knows why I took about 2kg in two weeks, out of the bue!<br />I am not eating like a pig at all, I am eating healthy and am being careful with all sugary things.<br /><br />It's not easy for me to just put on weight like this, slowly is right but suddenly no way cuz I worry it's not good for the baby either.<br />So I am trying not to eat in the night anymore but sometimes I am just so hungry.<br /><br />I also have anemia which is mild for now so I keep my finger crossed it wont get much worse.<br /><br />I so envy the beautiful pregnant women who feel just fine euphoric and full of energy!<br />When my sister said it was one of the best time in her life, oh my!<br />I would not say it was the worse but it's really so exhausting and physical and weird too.<br /><br />I feel a little sad not to have a great and easy pregnancy.<br /><br />but I did a virtual babyshower and the little gift truly made me my day and cheered me up!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4119674789/" title="Virtual Babyshower ^____^ Yay! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2686/4119674789_1e44a03a94.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Virtual Babyshower ^____^ Yay!" /></a><br /><br />It's so adorable!<br />I am beginning to fill the drawers with girl clothes finally, it makes me smile and makes me feel so eager to see my baby.<br /><br />This weekend was again so busy, not time to tidy so much.<br />errands, seb's father visit and then on sunday we went to eat at our friends where we live!<br />and it was un diner presque parfait ^___^<br />we had a real nice time.<br /><br />It's really something great in our life now to have a couple of friends to meet and invite for lunch.<br /><br />******<br />last week was very draining with too much lack of sleep at night and feeling bored in the day unable to do things,tidy and all...feeling so diminished in a way!<br /><br />But anyways, my gyno said REST I have to be sensible and rest, it just sounds boring!<br /><br />Last week I discovered that singer: Polly scattergood, I love her name, Polly how cute!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4118965137/" title="Morsures de Novembre by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2605/4118965137_1e1991c521.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Morsures de Novembre" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Bitter teeth and the wind in my hair<br />Twister bits of summer in my lonely box<br />22 novembers too many ceilings how many skies<br />The dark kills you never the dark kills you never<br />Can you hear the silence in the attic<br />The spirits are dancing eerie early morning chilly dusk<br />Who will remember her now<br />You just need to tape her mouth no sound no sound please<br />Even the wind has its dirtiest secrets<br />Burry me all that dirt burry me all the rotten desserts and those threadbare skirts<br />Can you hear now in the attic<br />silently behind you<br />the screams tearing apart each of the different path on your soul map<br /><br />Et le sang sur mes mains fait du bien<br /><br />nothing is ever unscathed<br />It's november bites<br />Harder each year<br />22 autumns<br />The leaking will be fixed with this touch<br />If I can forget to remember the hurt<br />Under my finger the words<br />The words the words the world to me<br />22 novembers it hurts </span><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hN4p3HE63M8&hl=fr_FR&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hN4p3HE63M8&hl=fr_FR&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Music is always so good, such a soothing and inspiring company.<br />I so love English accent, so beautiful!<br />There is so much poignant emotions in her music and songs, I felt truly touched, moved and it was kind of a reminiscence of places I've been.<br /><br />and to think december I will enter the third trimester, the so called worste trimester!<br />If I can be more tired oh well...<br />I just hope my daughter will be patient until at least late february.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4118965289/" title="I cannot help it by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2755/4118965289_0c5ef1aef6.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I cannot help it" /></a><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4BhossgFceU&hl=fr_FR&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4BhossgFceU&hl=fr_FR&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Mes robes sont pleines de sang mais je ne peux pas m'en empêcher<br />c'est si bon<br />ces sentiers vermeilles qui m'émerveillent<br />La douleur quand elle n'est plus la mienne<br />je serre plus fort les noeuds<br />j oublie enfin ceux dans mes cheveux<br />Je tire plus fort sur la corde<br />Est ce que ça mord dis est ce sa mort<br />les petits poissons empoisonnés<br />I loved it when he called me cruel pisces<br />cruel cruel crude pieces<br />On s'allonge sur les cauchemars de soie<br />c'est doux parfois tous ces frissons d effrois<br />pourtant elle en vomirait encore ses tripes<br />des allées et venues des châteaux abandonnés des toiles d'araignées<br />Ma bouche ou la sienne c'est la même<br />le même goût des cafards sur ma langue<br />la brûlure du froid de l hiver naissant<br />Il neige sur les tombes<br />tombe les sortilèges<br />sous ma jupe des ciseaux et parfois des petits oiseaux<br />ils dorment je crois qu'ils dorment ils sont tout froids tout contre moi<br />en peau à peau contre mes maux<br />Je ne peux pas m'en empêcher c'est si bon<br />ce rouge amer quand tu fermes les yeux sur ton dernier matin<br />ça fait du bien<br />les draps raconteront tes sordides histoires de nuits infinies<br />c'est si bon la nuit<br />pouvoir arracher toutes les traces eaux fortes sur mon âme<br />sans aucune vague </span><br /><br />Writing always make me feel so good, relieved and happy in many ways.<br />It's like running up the hills where there are the talking glittering lilac trees.<br />I feel home whenever I write.whatever it is.<br />Even nonsense, twisted words,dark dirt or lovely poems full of love...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4115476718/" title="Ghosts sugar blood and love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2505/4115476718_0f29b52612.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Ghosts sugar blood and love" /></a><br /><br />I found that old pic of us and thought did we change that much?<br />and of course we did, not only physically but in our mind and soul.<br />Our soul are wealthy of all the things we lived all the memories we shared.<br />I am blessed to have all these memories with Sébastien...In the past I had begun a memory book in which I would write each of the best and sweetest of funniest moments!<br />There would be way too much to add now to it!<br />and alas our human brains are too limited to keep it all inside, memories sometimes fade a bit.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4111613911/" title="♥ Happiness♥ is one of the Best Art to be shared by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2642/4111613911_3cb9a020f5.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="♥ Happiness♥ is one of the Best Art to be shared" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The seeds Of Your Higher Sacred Purpose In Your Heart</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4112031255/" title="The seeds Of Your Higher Sacred Purpose In Your Heart by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2525/4112031255_bf999b5381.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="The seeds Of Your Higher Sacred Purpose In Your Heart" /></a><br /><br />It's not so easy to show our pregnant body.Whenever I look at myself in the mirror naked, I kinda think how enormous by belly is and feel like Bibendum ^____^<br />it's not so pleasant.<br />But I am lucky to be able to play with photography to tame this new body and make it look as sensual as spiritual.<br />Anyways it's kinda sad when perv have to see and look at this as sexual when it's one of the purest kind of nude art to show women bearing Life.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4111585503/" title="Les Ailes des Flammes by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2569/4111585503_0cd841db02.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Les Ailes des Flammes" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4112321418/" title="Bright Colored Souls by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2674/4112321418_ed121c5bdc.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Bright Colored Souls" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4112286364/" title="Now I can't remember any of my wounds and scars by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2685/4112286364_2fae95d7d3.jpg" width="500" height="413" alt="Now I can't remember any of my wounds and scars" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4111407957/" title="Send Her All my Unconditional Love by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2566/4111407957_ff55a9536f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Send Her All my Unconditional Love" /></a><br /><br />I hope my daughter knows and feels how much we love her already.<br /><br />I know she will be a very sensitive soul...<br />I can't wait to hear her voice, her laughter, see her smile...<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4111283037/" title="a little bird told me by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2570/4111283037_5987f4306d.jpg" width="500" height="421" alt="a little bird told me" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4108218641/" title="Our actions will talk for us by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2588/4108218641_e0de6247a2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Our actions will talk for us" /></a><br /><br />This year I am glad I won't "boycott" xmas, I am even rather glad of it, cant wait to get my xmas tree with the sweet scent of chilhood dreams to it.<br />I'll just have to be careful with food ha!<br />But I have always loved eating, it's such a pleasure and now that I have this new passion for cooking good meals, it's really dangerous for my slim body ...well<br />I believe after pregnancy I'll get my body back.<br />I am lucky enough not to have stretch marks or anything so I just have to be careful, no more french fries and pizza, less cheese in pastas ;) and voilà!<br /><br />It's a new week, I have to find ways to be positive and not let the fatigue make me all depressed and moody.<br /><br />I have to take an apointment to the maternity to open a file and also to begin in december the childbirth classes.<br />I guess I will need seb to come with me everytime, I don't feel at all able to drive alone, I had another fainting episode on saturday before the gyno's apointment and it was just awful!I had to sit down in the parking before the shop, my eyes could not focuse on anything...lucky me a really nice couple came to me and they were very helpful and understanding, even the woman in the shop gave me a chair...I hope not to have this anymore though, it's so scary!( and well driving is not so easy now with the belly...but seb is not driving yet.<br />He has begun taking lessons with his friends so hopefully soon he will drive for me.)<br /><br />a little more of three months to go...I know 2010 will be a wonderful year.<br />2009 was a year of endings.closure.And as always we learn so much in this.<br /><br />2010 will be the beginning of something so new!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-31155919133056039622009-11-09T08:03:00.000-08:002009-11-09T09:51:56.632-08:00The silver lining of my Pregnancy<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4074899976/" title="Il etait une fée by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2689/4074899976_639af96020.jpg" width="278" height="500" alt="Il etait une fée" /></a><br /><br />I wanted to make a list of all the positive things about this pregnancy,because I am always complaining, repeating thousands times a day how tired I feel ahah, I guess I am not ready now to stop saying " I am so tired ;)" but I'll get used to it;)<br />not mentionning the pain in my poor little body ^__^;;<br />last night, well in the early morning I ached so bad I had to take a shower to apease that pain at 5 am... hey positive thinking I said!!! :p<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4074123853/" title="* by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2633/4074123853_1f78e44dbf.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="*" /></a><br /><br />-First thing is that my body feels even more feminine to me, more rounded everywhere and it's amusing to have such a bigger breast.<br /><br />-I never have my feet and hands cold as ice anymore and I never feel cold.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4050009296/" title="we're purple souls by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3582/4050009296_70271a2249.jpg" width="335" height="500" alt="we're purple souls" /></a><br /><br />-I take better care of my body, resting, putting creams, being gentle with it, eating more healthy, drinking much more( water of course)<br /><br />-no more needs of much make up and foundation and even in fact I am not as much into wearing make up, the more natural it looks the better it is!<br /><br />-I change in my taste for every and many thing it's very interesting,it's like living with more awareness,tasting,discovering new thing, being even more careless about what people might say or think ;)<br />for instance I feel more open to try new food I have never taste and I really love this because it brings newness in life to taste new thing it kills the routine:)<br />my life is really new in more than one way!<br />and also as for clothes style, I am having new taste and I keep thinking of buying a hat(like Michael jackson kind of hat) I am never sure if it suits me so well so I never buy it but keeps wanting it, so soon perhaps ;)<br /><br />- I am more motherly and gentle than before, ha! when I shout and complain my darling would say the contrary, but in a way I am sure he sees this!<br />I have always been a loving person, but I care even more, I feel sweeter and more protective with the people I care about or the stranger who hurts and I empathise with.<br /><br />- I am more stronger than I thought, I mean I do complain yeah I do;) <br />but really I also can hurt in silence I dont go so insane, I always tell seb" keep on sleeping!nevermind!" because I dont want to bother him and break his sleep.<br />I feel somehow complain makes me handle the pain and all unpleasant sides of my pregnancy better, the belly is heavy already sometimes when I walk but I am glad to carry this life,I will never ever take this LIFE for granted!<br /><br />- I am more careless, everything glides on me, especially people's bad attitude and stuff like that;)<br />I am blessed with my love and family.<br />I still have my enraged side, especially when someone dares criticize my Sebastien, I show my lovely bat witch teeth, sugar blood sugar!;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4072540568/" title="I guess I can survive anything by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2618/4072540568_4cbde23d48.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I guess I can survive anything" /></a><br /><br />seb is wonderful he would just say leave them talk, he's always kind to everyone, no rancour, totaly not caring about mean people, never angry,never in a bad mood,never complaining,I keep thinking how perfect he is !<br />his only flaw right now would be not to drive ;) but he'll soon do that,I'm confident still hoping it'll happen;)<br />and his only vice is video games and to prefer to promote other's art and design instead of his and working much more on his.<br />he could do so many thing, publish a comics and so forth!<br />I so believe in all his talents and skills!<br />and even more in his becoming a father, I know it'll make me cry...<br />I have never met someone as sweet and kind to everyone,a pure good soul like it's rare to find, he's caring and I am so eager to see him as a dad.<br /><br />so many wonderful pictures to take for sure!<br /><br />really if there is something you'd better shut your ignorant mouth about his my love and family and perhaps also even my Soul, cuz you do not know me, humble humble babe;)<br /><br />but really all my past, the pain, the disapointment, I'll keep making art about it just because in fact our dirty stories, our dark times can be very inspiring, thought provoking,making us think,and show how we grow to be our own individual, free and blessed, aware of our luck to be there and of all the things we have to share, all the things we've been through, all we've seen, all we've known, it can also help other change their life and not be trapped by the same kind of characters.<br />My most important point whenever I scream and bite in art( which truly makes me laugh out loud most of the time, because in a way people must say wow that woman! she kicks ass, she is violent she hates men she is angry better not cross her line etc etc... but truly I gently laugh when I do this, it's like the woman in me who expresses this is one of my best friend, we play together and have much fun "<span style="font-style:italic;">kniving</span> male egos" the kind of male you would never want to be.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I myself am a man too.</span><br />I truly and deeply assert this.<br />My shiva and shakti sides make me complete, I have accepted the sacred marriage:)<br />I am aware of the man in me, very aware.<br />If I were to have a baby boy I was ready to joke about this, making a picture saying<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">" you've always know this woman has balls ;) but now she's got a penis too ^_____^;;"</span><br /><br />Honestly I do not care what people think of my words especially if they want to misinterprete or think I'm too this or not enough that.<br />Like I said before think what you , <span style="font-weight:bold;">I am glad to be me deal with it, be glad to be yourself for Goddess's sake!<br /></span><br /><br />I would never want to be anyone else, though in the past I wondered if that thought was not masochistic ahah ^_^;;<br /><br />as for men well I mostly love them dead : Baudelaire,kurt cobain, Jim morrisson,michael jackson...<br />I am kidding obviously.<br /><br />I think in the past I used to be more sensitive to people's bad attitude towards me, I just know they generate negative energy and I just have to find my way back to my own positive energy.<br /><br />Even if I am even more emotional and sensitive since pregnancy I must say my emotions are mostly towards this pregnancy or everything good, things that moves me, touches me, beauty and kindness in this world.<br /><br />Gosh baby is dancing, I should not put Britney spears aloud ;) ahah<br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/listen-2240295">Heart shaped box</a><br /><br />let's try some nirvana;) sure my baby will love it;)<br />ha! I imagine us singing this together, that would be cute!<br />if it ever happens I would surely share this on youtube ahah;)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />I believe Happiness is the best Art to share:)</span><br />because it makes other good souls derive joy and emotions from it and get inspired.<br />There are many mothers who I look up to and love their photos of their children, their bond to them etc.<br />I really hope to have a beautiful bond with my daughter because yes it is a fae child just like her mom, another pisces fae child ^_____^;;<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4079847975/" title="xx (Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2788/4079847975_416d5463f2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="xx (Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)" /></a><br /><br />sebastien darling brace yourself for the whimsy circus you'll have at home now ^_^;<br /><br />- another good thing about pregnancy, I'm less vain;) ahah, naah I still love clothes and make up and all mind ya!<br />but I dont give a damn to wear what I found and feel comfy in and sometimes I go out with such a grungy eccentric style ,it makes me laugh;)<br />but who cares?<br /><br />- I cook! Yes! it's not only pregnancy,but I am sure somehow I want to be a good mother and wife, to take care of my family, yeah a true desperate housewife;)<br /><br />honestly I have always wanted to cook but I was not ready for it perhaps, right now when I cook dinner I feel like a grown up( laughing) it's so strange to me ;)<br />I just love food and eating, and there is creativity in cooking, and I can not stand routine, so the same for food!<br />I also want to cook healthy things for my child.<br />it pleases me also to please others with my food:)<br /><br />- My faith in God(Goddess) is bigger than ever.<br />I believe in God deeply, in the angel, the good energies around us, the power of energies and how we attract like minded souls to us.<br />I have met lovely souls and made new friends, and I am happy of this renewal, always hoping for forevers in friendship:)<br />ephemeral is fine , we learn and discover a new world with others but when it lasts when we entertain the bond it's really interesting!<br />My faith is not like everyone, I don't go to churche, I do pray many different ways, I believe in Light mostly<br />I love Jesus.<br />Lately I have been more in touch with Saint Michael although known as Archangel Michael, I needed him to give me my energy back and wonderfully enough the next day I was feeling better.<br /><br />I also talk with the goddess who protects women.<br /><br />I never enjoy it when people say" oh you're pagan I dont believe in this, so maybe you will be bother, I am just catholic"<br /><br />I do not care about this.<br />religion sucks mostly.<br />Faith is beautiful and it is good, powerful and whatever the God you're talking to, it does not matter.Even agnosticism does not matter.<br />sometimes you can have faith in something else.<br />What matters is to stay open minded, tolerant and never judgemental about this.<br /><br />I have never understood the people who crash their opinions on you, especially when they dont believe at all and somehow they want to make you see they are right.<br />what is your point in doing so?<br />I do not understand.<br /><br />But my faith increased this year right after my miscarriage strangely enough.<br />because I did feel surrounded by Love, the angels and God/Goddess.<br />I was not alone in this.<br />I have seen the way life is beautiful and how strong human being can be.<br />I have been able in this nightmare to find the lighted way to beauty.<br /><br /><br />My faith in God/Goddess have always helped me a lot and made me chose what was right.<br /><br /><br />well there is surely a lot more of good sides of this pregnancy:)<br />I am feeling more natural, like eating more healthy and being careful on everything I use,products to clean and cosmectics etc<br /><br />I am thinking of the baby's birth and I want it natural too.<br />This is important to me.<br />just like my wish to breastfeed no matter what.<br />I hope things will go this way and be possible.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4055615803/" title="Sacred Feminine by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2759/4055615803_07ec53a91a.jpg" width="500" height="485" alt="Sacred Feminine" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4049560887/" title="The Witch Wish by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2740/4049560887_a3f79e8715.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="The Witch Wish" /></a><br />I still have to realise I am having a baby girl, my wishes has been granted, my dream will come true, it's gonna be the most wonderful day of my life.<br />I can't wait to meet her, to look in her eyes.<br />to see how she looks like.<br />We could not see much on the u/s.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4071704451/" title="I can be as insecure as beautiful as cruel as fierce as worried as brave as weak as strong as depressed as joyful as you by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3042/4071704451_c70e86cf9d.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="I can be as insecure as beautiful as cruel as fierce as worried as brave as weak as strong as depressed as joyful as you" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">We can be everything and unashamed of our emotions<br />we are not our emotions<br />we are not our behaviours<br />we are not our images<br />we are not what you see of us<br />we are more<br />we are less<br />we are beyond<br />and as everyone will keep misreading our soul <br />We cannot justify<br />But to avoid misunderstanding<br />let set things clear<br />I am but a human being like most of you (...)</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4055447651/" title="Merry Samhain Witch Sisters And Sorcerer Brothers by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2737/4055447651_b718415f0b.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Merry Samhain Witch Sisters And Sorcerer Brothers" /></a><br />that was my Halloween self;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4055657903/" title="Come Home by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2710/4055657903_6e54b3309c_m.jpg" width="174" height="240" alt="Come Home" /></a><br />a painting of this summer that I finished recently<br />I don't like it that much to be honest<br /><br />I prefer that one<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4078444186/" title="N'oublie pas les morts(conversation with ghosts) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2531/4078444186_cf3a590918.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="N'oublie pas les morts(conversation with ghosts)" /></a><br /><br />I want to work on more twisted imperfect things<br />I want to keep working on the emotional<br />Emotions are LIFE.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4049875365/" title="Mother Poetry by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/4049875365_b45270fc0d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mother Poetry" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4053427264/" title="We will keep on scattering the fireflies of our dreamer souls by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2655/4053427264_fb34a000f8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="We will keep on scattering the fireflies of our dreamer souls" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4050260280/" title="Us by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2748/4050260280_eb8168a663.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Us" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4050085536/" title="In the meantime(I can't wait to know you) by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2706/4050085536_e63406776e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="In the meantime(I can't wait to know you)" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4074709213/" title="please please please turn me into a fairy by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2422/4074709213_d2ddb80dac.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="please please please turn me into a fairy" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4074708499/" title="gourmandise by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2625/4074708499_5e62d05a15.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="gourmandise" /></a><br />these little girl pictures I did in June, make me even more eager to take pics of my daughter !<br /><br />I want to scream her name, it's hard to keep the secret ahah;)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4078116386/" title=""There is only one man who keeps making me love the man and believe in his good sides.Mine.Or else I would easily loathe them all." by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2794/4078116386_e2306cfb5d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt=""There is only one man who keeps making me love the man and believe in his good sides.Mine.Or else I would easily loathe them all."" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">cowardice<br />betrayal<br />Lies<br />More lies<br />manipulations<br />Ego lickers<span style="font-style:italic;">(I do not need you)</span><br />perversion<span style="font-style:italic;">(shhh I'm a witch)</span><br />control freak<span style="font-style:italic;">(I'm untamable)</span><br />living in denial<br />using feminine empathy to trap my sisters<br />narcissus momma's boy(<span style="font-style:italic;">I wont lick your ass)</span><br />fucking lecturers " if you know me so well tell me which hand I use"<br />raging testosterone why punching X into the walls<br />I am not made of your rib </span><br /><br />this picture is a part of an artwork project called" Soul Laundry"<br />I love how art is a way to express any and everything beyond your own self.<br />I look at the works I did I really wonder wow how did it come to me like this?<br />It's intense the moment of creation, you are guided<br />I always am amazed surprised and say "I did that?" " I wrote that?"<br />I keep wondering what were the muses dancing inside my soul at that moment.<br /><br /><object width="400" height="300"> <param name="flashvars" value="offsite=true&lang=en-us&page_show_url=%2Fphotos%2Felectricache%2Fsets%2F72157622731234858%2Fshow%2F&page_show_back_url=%2Fphotos%2Felectricache%2Fsets%2F72157622731234858%2F&set_id=72157622731234858&jump_to="></param> <param name="movie" value="http://www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf?v=71649"></param> <param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf?v=71649" allowFullScreen="true" flashvars="offsite=true&lang=en-us&page_show_url=%2Fphotos%2Felectricache%2Fsets%2F72157622731234858%2Fshow%2F&page_show_back_url=%2Fphotos%2Felectricache%2Fsets%2F72157622731234858%2F&set_id=72157622731234858&jump_to=" width="400" height="300"></embed></object><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />knives, teeth, bat wings...<br />of course little sister I believe in the real men, there are good male souls out there but I have to share the eerie tale of what I have seen(...)<br />Beware little sister, sometimes sugar can rip your heart and they hide behind their poet or artist attire to better disapoint you, they know the best art of sweet dirty lies(...)</span><br /><br /><br />well I guess I should call it my new controversial and surely polemical set because it surely does not please everyone<br />but give me my free speech and go watch other art that fits more your personality while I indulge in the freedom of artistic expression.<br /><br />I don't always take all the credit of my art work, I thank my muses and the invisible spirits who guided me through the post processing of my images.<br />It's magical when art happens.<br />but it's not just me. we are all co-creators always.<br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/listen-1133624"> because good music is better to share more than once;)</a><br /><br />I am very eager to get tori amos solstice new cd.<br />People are tiring about criticizing her on things that are absurd, like they are not able to accept she has grown spiritually and could go on and on in circle telling the same things, she's a mother now, she has more to say.<br />People think she's gone on the soft side, well I remember smokey joe and I dont believe this.<br />of course she's softer somehow, motherhood is wonderful for this, we are more serene and towards the loving than our anger.<br />but she surely have still some anger towards many things that revolt her.<br /><br />and at this time of the year, after such a strange year, I am pretty eager to listen to her softness, it'll be beautiful and apeasing.<br /><br />2009 has been a strange year in more than one way.<br />A lot of deep pain,disapointment, ends, and the most beautiful blisses.<br />I have tears in my eyes when I think of my daughter.<br /><br />I feel it's such an intense bliss to me that I need time to welcome all emotions about this wonderful surprise.<br /><br /><br />Life with all its magic of highs and lows.<br /><br />I could not believe it!<br />Sebastien is so happy too,he wanted a girl too:)<br />Something you've been waiting for so long is near to happen, you have to be responsible for it.<br />that fear of bliss you know,it could be taken away, it could go wrong if I am not careful about everything.<br />It's not pressure.<br />I just really want to give the best for my daughter like most moms want.<br />There is so many things I want to share with her.<br /><br />My passions for words, poetry,mixed media painting,singing together, reading her stories I loved as a child, telling her secrets about grown ups ;)<br /><br />I want to be able to remember my own childhood and also to make a difference with what is important and what is not.<br /><br />well voilà for the news!<br />The best is to come always ;)<br /><br />Live & love before it's too late!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-35067188947679164452009-10-23T02:51:00.000-07:002009-10-23T03:31:05.122-07:00Entering the 5th month of PregnancySo I have just seen my doctor<br />I'm 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant, which means I am in the 5th month and getting closer to the next u/s that I'm so waiting for!!<br /><br />Today I heard my baby's heart again, it was really reassuring and so lovely to hear:)<br />I could never be bored or stop being amazed by this magic!<br /><br />My blood pressure is very low which is surely why I got this almost fainting, stressful event last week!Oh I never had this before!<br />Even when I had panic attacks I could see things black suddenly and stiffle, but here Everything was turning around me, and I was walking on waves, walking like a drunkard trying to find help!<br />I was alone when it happened and it was dark so I got worried to just fall on the floor and Goddess knows what would have happened!<br />But luckyly I found help at my former neighbour's home, a lovely grandma that reminds me my own grandmother so much:)<br />I was very grateful!<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4032327226/" title="Your Extreme Introvert by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2529/4032327226_eca28a23de_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Your Extreme Introvert" /></a><br /><br />and thank Goddess no more fainting event just lightheaded and fatigue.<br />I eat enough and healthy food.<br />I take my vitamines.so everything is alright, I just need rest!<br />ha! but I finally would like to take pictures of my pregnancy! or at least giving a try at this!<br /><br />But for this I need to tidy the room that is the artist studio, baby's room and all:)<br />it's still a mess because I need to buy furnitures and fix shelves on the wall.<br /><br />We should do this, this weekend I hope.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4031685670/" title="Lumière by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3496/4031685670_6289a93689_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Lumière" /></a><br /><br />I have taken spontaneous selfies:<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4033943085/" title="and that's a recent picture by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3486/4033943085_0984255d8b_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="and that's a recent picture" /></a><br /><br />my face does not look different, just happier and sillier than ever ^___^;;<br />in fact being a mom to be, makes me more mature and also more childish at the same time<br />I know that with having kids you reconnect even more with your inner child and this is how you better understand, relate and communicate with your babies/children.<br /><br />I am so eager to be a mother, to hold my baby...<br />It still seems so unreal to me, maybe also because I dont know the sex, so I dont know who is my baby, and what is her/his name ?<br /><br />I cannot wait for this!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4034066439/" title="Enael Sonnets by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2605/4034066439_f2a348f54e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Enael Sonnets" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4034713841/" title="Petite sorcière du livre d'émois by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2622/4034713841_b71fd34e45.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Petite sorcière du livre d'émois" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4035262512/" title="Elle a dit je veux mourir tout à l heure j'ai dit danse danse danse petite soeur by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2686/4035262512_4e01925c12.jpg" width="472" height="500" alt="Elle a dit je veux mourir tout à l heure j'ai dit danse danse danse petite soeur" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">She bled the word of her hatred for life<br />cages with candles and nowhere to go<br />She said I want to die in an hour<br />I said dance dance dance little sister<br />Aware of her contagious darkness she cut her hair<br />Tick tock feathers thorns and hands away<br />caressing the void everyday<br />She said I want to die in an hour<br />In the cupboard a diary<br />Demons are knocking at her door at the magic hour<br />She cannot face the face of her real desire<br />pages of lies she tries to believe<br />Little sister dance dance dance<br />He said "even if life is terrible days can be so beautiful"<br />I know by heart the sound of your devilish girls<br />I had the same in my hair<br />all mean witches entangled to my rotting kites<br />I wish they were kittens<br />I wish the snow had covered the flames<br />I wish I had a sister to understand my pain<br /><br />She said I cannot live my life I hate my soul and the mirror<br />breaks in my heart<br />how many more years without<br />She said I want to die in an hour<br />I said dance dance dance little sister(...)</span><br />***<br /><br />yesterday I was inspired by a girl who reminded me when I was younger and that's why I just wrote this quick creative writing, sounds like a song...<br />I wish I could help her.<br />I still wish I could help others to find a better way to be free, to be themselves, to see clearly , to stop intoxicating themselves with wrong beliefs and self depreciation or selflessness, it is so sad...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4031669910/" title="Minerva by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2589/4031669910_1dfa341842.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Minerva" /></a><br /><br />I dont look like myself on this image, I think it's one of the interestingness of photography and retouching images:)<br />how we can play with personas, and recreate things that are deep within.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4030888225/" title="Sophia by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2769/4030888225_28bf2eac73.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Sophia" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4030866141/" title="More Sacred Than I Am by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2538/4030866141_b2f0d2b63a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="More Sacred Than I Am" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4024955495/" title="dousoeur by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2743/4024955495_e3d161fec4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="dousoeur" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4024956417/" title="Ophelia risen from the waters of poetry by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2695/4024956417_db39a90d23.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Ophelia risen from the waters of poetry" /></a><br /><br />I am still enjoying creating images, it's been a while and I'm slowly tiptoeing back towards my inner muses and enjoying a dance or two;)<br /><br />and I hope to paint again soon but this requires so much energy and concentration that I don't have at the moment, so I am being patient.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4017134450/" title="showing by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2485/4017134450_f6814590bb.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="showing" /></a><br /><br />and this was my 3 months pregnant belly;)<br />so I hope to find time and energy to take more creative and even artistic ones soon, if I can,if inspiration is there!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Seb and I got our PACS and are so glad about it:)</span><br /><br />nothing romantic about this but to us it's an important step towards a wedding later;)<br />but now I am calling him my husband and truly it just sounds so lovely!<br /><br />we celebrate at the restaurant but we will surely celebrate again with seb's dad, then seb's mom and my parents who are coming for a rather long visit on 6th november!<br />The day of the next u/s isn t this just too cool?<br /><br />I am so happy!<br /><br />I have many ideas about the baby's room decoration, but we will do that in late november I guess.<br />Last weekend we invited a couple of friends, our brand new friends here that are really nice people!<br />So I cooked for them, a real meal with everything cooked by myself:)<br />I could realise how tiring it is, especially while being pregnant, but I really had fun and I feel good when I cook.<br />I love to please people and also to learn to become a real Chef ^___^<br /><br />In fact I have always been interested by the art of cooking, the creativity behind this, but right now I am just following recipe and doing them with my own touch but later when I'm good and confident I'll try to be creative:)<br />But I'll never keep a food blog, I love them, they are very interesting but I have so many other things to do and blog about;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4003831273/" title="poetic terrorism finally on sale for the public! by ♥Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2543/4003831273_e3479d51a0.jpg" width="411" height="500" alt="poetic terrorism finally on sale for the public!" /></a><br /><br />The book is still selling and I got great feedbacks about it:)<br /><a href="http://www.blurb.com/my/book/detail/896008">buy your copy here</a><br /><br />keep on buying it and make the profit for the charity Enfance Nepal au touvet increase!!!<br />This makes me so happy each morning to see a new sale!<br />I am very proud of this book, it's for me a real achievement in something I have always wanted to do for ages and I just collected ideas for years and never started something real!<br />This is a real step in helping others with ART/HEART<br />and this means so much to me because it's the path I am following no matter what they say ;)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-15736087692951661192009-10-13T00:45:00.000-07:002009-10-13T00:48:37.630-07:00Poetic Terrorism, my first but surely not the last Heart project!<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/4003831273/" title="poetic terrorism finally on sale for the public! by ♥Ma Sorcière (Busy moving in), on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2543/4003831273_e3479d51a0.jpg" width="411" height="500" alt="poetic terrorism finally on sale for the public!" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.blurb.com/my/book/detail/896008" rel="nofollow">www.blurb.com/my/book/detail/896008</a><br /><br />BUY YOUR OWN COPY OF THE BOOK NOW!<br />you buy a work of heart and art and all proceeds will go to a charity that helps children in Nepal which is something that really touches me.<br />(more info at the links)<br /><br /><a href="http://enfance-nepal.fr.nf/index.php/association" rel="nofollow">enfance-nepal.fr.nf/index.php/association</a><br /><br />the wonderful generous and( oh so patient) artists included in this book:<br /><br />Alexandra Efrimov <br /><a href="http://xutsza.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">xutsza.blogspot.com</a><br /><br />Amanda De Vito<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/-dust-bunny-">www.flickr.com/photos/-dust-bunny-</a><br /><br />Anna Kieblesz<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakieblesz">www.flickr.com/photos/annakieblesz</a><br /><br />Anna Malina Zemlianski<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/annamalina/">www.flickr.com/photos/annamalina/</a><br /><br />Cari Ann Wayman<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/yyellowbird">www.flickr.com/yyellowbird</a><br /><br />Carlina Hooper<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/thecarlina">www.flickr.com/thecarlina</a><br /><br />Carmen Götz<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/golden_touch">www.flickr.com/photos/golden_touch</a><br /><br />Cécile de Vries<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/ciel-photography">www.flickr.com/ciel-photography</a><br /><br />Charlotte Boeyden<br /><a href="http://www.charlotteboeyden.be" rel="nofollow">www.charlotteboeyden.be</a><br /><br />Charlotte Miceli<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlottemiceli">www.flickr.com/photos/charlottemiceli</a><br /><br />Diana Debord<br /><a href="http://www.debored.it" rel="nofollow">www.debored.it</a><br /><br />Lisa Sieczka aka Elle Moss<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/torchlightlms">www.flickr.com/photos/torchlightlms</a><br /><br />Emily Hunt<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/emilylove">www.flickr.com/photos/emilylove</a><br /><br />Eva Moreno López<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ligeia_scabbia/">www.flickr.com/photos/ligeia_scabbia/</a><br /><br />Fabienne Lin<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/chicolin">www.flickr.com/photos/chicolin</a><br /><br />Florencia Lira<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/florencialira">www.flickr.com/photos/florencialira</a><br /><br />Hélène Deroubaix<br /><a href="http://thefairyattic.free.fr" rel="nofollow">thefairyattic.free.fr</a><br /><br />Helle Kristensen<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mufle">www.flickr.com/photos/mufle</a><br /><br />Iva Yaneva<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ivayaneva">www.flickr.com/photos/ivayaneva</a> <br /><br />Jana Pryor<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/janainz">www.flickr.com/photos/janainz</a><br /><br />Jen Grace Kull<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/8259445@N07">www.flickr.com/photos/8259445@N07</a><br /><br />Jessica Silversaga<br /> <a href="http://www.vintageportalen.se" rel="nofollow">www.vintageportalen.se</a><br /><br />Judith Crispin<br />http//www.hsien-ku.redbubble.com<br /><br />Karin Bengtsson<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/karinfotografi">www.flickr.com/photos/karinfotografi</a><br /><br />Katie Mullins<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/katiemullins_">www.flickr.com/photos/katiemullins_</a><br /><br />Kendra Rutledge<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/kendraelis">www.flickr.com/photos/kendraelis</a><br /><br />Kerstin Auer<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lilli-kadphotography">www.flickr.com/photos/lilli-kadphotography</a><br /><br />Leanne Surfleet<br /><a href="http://www.leannesurfleet.carbonmade.com" rel="nofollow">www.leannesurfleet.carbonmade.com</a><br /><br />Lydia Hansen<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lydiahansen">www.flickr.com/photos/lydiahansen</a><br /><br />Maia Van Ingen<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/etframboise">www.flickr.com/etframboise</a><br /><br />Michelle McRae<br /><br />Michelle Merle Pace<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/rowandevoe">www.flickr.com/photos/rowandevoe</a><br /><br />Misty Mawn<br /><a href="http://www.mistymawn.typepad.com/" rel="nofollow">www.mistymawn.typepad.com/</a><br /><br />Olya Seredyuk<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/suuresilmne">www.flickr.com/photos/suuresilmne</a><br /><br />Shelbie Dimond<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/theciscokid">www.flickr.com/theciscokid</a><br /><br />Sofia Ajram<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27219127@N06">www.flickr.com/photos/27219127@N06</a><br /><br />Teresa Horstmann<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/keksirocks">www.flickr.com/photos/keksirocks</a><br /><br />thank you again to each of you so much for helping me make this dream project a reality!<br /><br />blessings and bright light!<br /><br />:-)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-2651849903814867392009-10-09T07:20:00.000-07:002009-10-09T08:30:41.457-07:00Oh selene , Hecate is bleeding...I am utterly pissed off at the damn mission of the NASA of bombing the moon.<br />I am busy right now but way too tired to do anything and I feel like writing and sharing because I cannot stay on mute mod when I read such things , when I see those reactions, Goddess it pisses me off!<br /><br />Those so called lecturers who think they are better than you making generality and exagerration like oh what a world without science let's suppress everything that takes money to give it all to the poor then!<br />How fucking cynical and haughty!<br /><br />I am so ashamed of this mankind at times, really. I wish the Universe can forgive us, this overpride, they need to take everything under control, to possess, to produce more,use,abuse, with no gratitude with no respect with no damn humility!<br />How insane and how cruel is all that!<br /><br />you only have to look at the way they do the cultures of cereals and the GMO<br />yes we eat them for sure in many kind of food maybe even in our breakfast bowl of fav cereals and it's not written on the package of course;)<br />the right to choose what to eat huh?mind you,it's not in their interest if they write GMO, less and less people would buy.<br /><br />I try to avoid to buy with MSG,with fake sugars(it gives cancers), hydrogenate oils, what is funny is now on ads on tv they begin to say this " without hydrogenate oils"<br />without paraben<br /><br />why a world with all those toxic things in our food and cosmetics had to be made this way?<br />why now it's gonna be commercial to write all the without all our past crap?<br />insane world!ugliness!hypocrisy!<br /><br />I am very upset.<br />it's not only the moon bombing mission, it's the whole way the world is and how we keep doing the same mistakes.<br /><br />The way animals are treated in certain place. We eat them, why do we need to torture them and lack of respect to them?<br /><br />I am not against meat eaters at all. I used to be some kind of neo veggie but with pregnancy I had to eat meat again.<br /> <br />I am tolerant and I do believe yes science can teach us things and it's interesting to know more about our solar system etc, but all the money to bomb the moon to see what she has in her guts? fuck that crap!<br />I can't explain how this is not normal this not something we should feel allowed to do.<br />Besides the latest mission on the moon said they found water, what was it already? such a tiny percent that it was totally ridicule!<br /><br />I just cannot bear arms and the use of violence on everything, I cannot accept the way we keep treating Gaia and really this news about the bombing on the moon and reading there was Impact party and some so called smart ass scientific saying it's gonna be cool?<br />WTF?<br />do we belong to the same galaxy?<br />it's the same Americans who wanted to try hiroshima, the same kind of people who made the nuclear and wants to make us think it's a clean energy whereas they still have a hard time to control it, remember tchernobyl...sometimes I can't believe I am in this world, all these disasters, all these damages, in the name of what?science?progress?could they stop taking us for jerks for a sec?<br /><br />I cannot accept the lack of respect.<br /><br />The moon is such a symbol too,it's related to the feminine cycle and I love the moon's energy.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3994476609/" title=""Mummy, if they bomb the moon does that mean we won't have any more Night?" by ♥Ma Sorcière (Busy moving in), on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2542/3994476609_f6279fbbf2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt=""Mummy, if they bomb the moon does that mean we won't have any more Night?"" /></a><br /><br />I wish this mankind could be more responsible,kinder,more respectful.<br />I am a mere dreamy idealist, I do believe with all the money involved in things like these we could have saved some children from hunger, we could done better things,but of course no, we dont give a fuck about this.<br /><br />We care about poverty only when it is good for our political campaign and image.<br /><br />I dont believe in a world of peace,there will always be wars it seems, because it's good for the occidental societies' business...neither do I believe in a world without capitalism alas... but I believe there is a waste of money that could be used to save our planet that is dying.<br />We keep on being warned and do so little about this.<br />I believe there is a waste of money that could help the poor countries but only if we weren't so demago about them, selling them arms so they can keep on killing one another so they die more quickly and the rich gets richer<br />yeah call it a simplistic view, but it sums up a lot.<br /><br />I am not only aiming at science money, it could also be advertisement money!<br />all that bullshit on tv! all this money that could feed so much...<br />well you know the poor are not that far, we dont need to go to Africa or India,sometimes it's your neighbour or down the street!<br />yes people live with so little.<br /><br />a minority of wealthy jerks take the power...such imbalance...<br />and we keep on paying insane and insulting wages men who kick a ball...yes maybe I'm mixing it all, but it's capitalism ,greed,power...<br />I am disgusted.<br /><br />I am not perfect,I belong to this mankind but I feel I'm aware of what we're doing and it's painful to see and to feel so powerless.<br />I want to live in harmony with our planet, trying to be an eco citizen, protecting Gaia as much as I can.<br />Recycling, sparing water,not wasting energy,using fair trade and ecological products.<br />I wish there were more people engaged in this fight.<br /><br />As a mother to be, I want a better world for my kids, I feel its so saddening to see all the disaster and not to be able to react more than with words and creative expression.<br /><br />I would never join any political parties because I have a hard time believing any of those people, it often seems merely about power.<br />But I am much more into ecologist parties and communist.<br />Because I believe we could share more.<br /><br />In an ideal world things would be easier because we would all trade skills, I imagine a world with mighty $ & €<br />maybe that sounds naive and going back to old ages, it's very idealistic for sure but we all have skilled to trade, we would all feel useful to another one and we would feel more united, would interact more, maybe respect one another more.<br /><br />I am very sad that in our society the value of a man is often seen according to his wages,and don't tell me it's not true.<br />I have seen it, I have lived it how you are mere shit to society when you do not earn money.<br /><br />But you know when I see what Americans are doing I'm scared too about what the Arabian countries could plan together and what about the Chinese?<br /><br />This world is a place where power & money has definetly become more important than humanity and well we should by now find this normal.Like they say , this is the life!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-58509259785998557652009-09-23T05:15:00.000-07:002009-09-23T06:15:46.192-07:00Goodbye Houdan Welcome New Home, New Life!<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3945084008/" title="Another Road(Everything is so new & changed) by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2480/3945084008_285b9fe90c_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Another Road(Everything is so new & changed)" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3944285881/" title="Songes d'automne by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3477/3944285881_297daee629_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Songes d'automne" /></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3944867044/" title="Paint your way by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2432/3944867044_1e94ab24a0_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Paint your way" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3944021797/" title="Windy Days In Your Mind by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2615/3944021797_121e7f2bb1_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Windy Days In Your Mind" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3943997409/" title="The Soul of Abandonned Houses by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3418/3943997409_e92c3208b1.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="The Soul of Abandonned Houses" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3936607560/" title="Ash & The Ghost by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2654/3936607560_795d1df0c6_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Ash & The Ghost" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3944714922/" title="Flora & The Pixies by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3485/3944714922_369d447be2_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Flora & The Pixies" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3928434537/" title="The eerie conversations by the woods by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3456/3928434537_52c29b438c_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="The eerie conversations by the woods" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The waves of words under her feet cold as ice<br />she crawls remembering what the night told her<br />Intellectual starvation snow snow snow and dead leaves no wonders<br />the land of pebbles and moss green so called friends<br />can you hear the eerie conversations by the woods<br />I know they pour some fog in each of her cup of tea<br />so she can never read the lines hanging to the dying trees<br />I hear them weeping<br />She lies by the willows lake on the muddy grass<br />can you feel the tiny rinds of lemon thoughts in between each of her breath<br />can I sleep at night<br />The shadow will vanish<br />Something like a mental yoga<br />close the windows of your Spirit and repeat the words<br />"Rush rush river of the great oblivion hush hush all of her secret daemons"<br />Exhale some poetic mist entangled with wintery tears<br />so drowsy like a book with a torn cover<br />dust on my side thorns in my hands<br />She is by the woods going to find the celestial elevator<br />I am sure all loads can be lifted<br />one day you know one day at time<br />communing with the hands of the meanest old clock(...) </span><br /><br /><br />We are moving and I am so eager to be there, all settled:)<br />But I love the beginning, tidying, cleaning,purifying the energies in the apartment, and baptizing it with incense and white sage.<br />Making it our new Home.<br />I will also take the time to "create" the baby room :)<br />I am not going to do something over elaborated, but to make some little decorations, I have plenty of ideas and new inspirations but I will need to be settled to begin ;)<br />so right now I have to be patient.<br /><br />It is no fun at all to live surrounded with the mess in a small apartment!<br />But I am super happy because our new home will be bigger ^_____^<br />we will be able to breathe and have more space and it was much needed!<br /><br />I am also thinking of "getting rid " of some old art of mine to have more space and also to give the chance to people with not much income to buy art ;)<br />so <span style="font-weight:bold;">it will be something like PAY WHAT YOU WANT art sales but I haven't had time to organised this eheh so if anyone is interested in an old artwork of mine<br />let me know your price( of course you pay the shipping cost!)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mademoisellehelenina/collections/72157600399549304/">helene's mixed media from 2005 to 2008</a><br /><br />or some of these are available too:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mademoisellehelenina/sets/72157607489658797/"<br />>Mythology project artworks</a><br /><br />well if there is something you like at my fairyattic.free.fr you can let me know your price and if it's available it'll be yours :)<br />with the moving and all things we will need to buy some money will be more than welcome!<br /><br />Then later I will close my shops and make art for the sake of art Passion, love, magick,spirit, soul and all :)<br />and this is something that reminds me freedom is a state of mind!<br /><br />I am surely going to find out what has to be kept and what I want to get rid of or stop.<br />September was really a month of frustrations and delay with the moving that got me rather stressed which of course in my state is not good at all ;)<br /><br />Plus I am still sick and can't sleep so well at night even though I'm in the second trimester...some days it's depressing especially when the sun does not shine (makes me worried about seasonal disorder!)but I know I have to remember the blessings in this situation.<br />I would not say it's wonderful to be pregnant at the moment but I am eager to feel happier about it and especially healthier.<br />But really I just can't wait to meet my baby!<br /><br />I shall know the sex of our lovely rainbow baby in november.<br /><br />I know once I'm settled I will go back to old passions like penpalling more, making true friends this way, I also will try to write zines again!<br />I have missed that!<br />if you're a zinester and write literary/poetic/thought provoking,faery,artsy/personal zines and can send me a pdf of it or want to trade zines, it'll be my pleasure :o)<br /><br />But I have to work on this, it's been ages I haven't done zines!<br />I have created Chameleons sighs/Blank Pages girls/Lost and found( a one shot zine as imaginary letters)and a small kind of atc zine...but alas I can't find the pdf of them...I will search maybe I can, but anyways the thing is that they were written from 2005 to 2006 I guess and my English has much improved since that time, because I remember reading them and feeling so embarassed!<br />;)<br /><br />I also want to learn to sew soft toys, cutie monsters and all but I suck at sewing and I have no patience for this, so we'll see how far I can get with this new desire;)<br />I have found some interesting templates(not sure of the word)but it's great and will help me, now I need to find cheap fabric online and cheap felt :)<br /><br />I also want to make a felt beads necklaces with other accessories I have it in my mind, I so hope I'll manage to make this:)<br />I'm not good at jewelry making either.<br />That's why I mostly bought from Indie artist at etsy ;)<br /><br />I want to keep on trying recipes and improving my cooking and at the moment I'm kinda glad of what I'm doing;)<br /><br />I must admit I have become a food obsessed ^___^<br />but maybe I have always been, I love eating even if it does not show and even if I'm pregnant and still have the morning sickness and not a big apetite still.<br />The good point in this is I haven't gained much weight for sure, though of course my belly shows and I find it rather lovely ;)<br /><br />I think it's because I watch those things on tv about food, great cooking and it inspires me :))) I think cooking is an art and eating is a real pleasure:) till it's healthy and with moderation;)<br /><br />Anyways my tastes have changed a lot. I used to be such a sugar teeth and now I mostly prefer salty things, or maybe sugar/salty things.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3922453047/" title="Michal Towber poster design by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2617/3922453047_a3c0d69a80.jpg" width="354" height="500" alt="Michal Towber poster design" /></a><br /><br />I was so honoured and happy to be chosen by Michal to make her poster and flyer for a music show in NYC!<br />I cannot wait now for her to take pics of the poster in the streets there:)and of course to watch the videos of the show:))<br />I think it's something really cool ,it's the second time my art will be in New York!<br />(I did an art show there at the APW gallery)<br /> <br /><br />become a fan of Michal here:<br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/michaltowber" rel="nofollow">www.facebook.com/michaltowber</a><br /><br />and you can listen in free stream many of her great songs!<br /><br />voilà:)<br />That's all for now!<br />Life's great we are granted some more days of summer sunshine which truly brings a smile on my face, I had a lovely chat with an adorable friend(and penfriend) this morning which also brightened my day, my love is so adorable everyday that it also makes me feel so blessed and lucky to have him by my side , can't wait for us to explore our new place!<br /><br />I won't have internet for some time, which will be great because I will need time to clean tidy and make the place looks like home:)<br />ha! we will do things right this time, no more mess ;)( can you believe this! :o)<br />anyways I am spending less and less time on it, just this week maybe more because everything is in packets and after cleaning the apartment here, there is nothing much to do, hmmm maybe I can cook some bread or brioche? ;)<br /><br />naah I know I still have some things to pack and other to get rid of.<br /><br />I won't pay for the mail to be redirected so if you need my new address(mostly penpals) please let me know, I have already sent it to some of you but I surely have forgotten a lot!<br /><br />****Blessings and Bright light****Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-87478725083052338472009-09-10T06:04:00.000-07:002009-09-22T08:10:48.795-07:00Rainbow baby we're so Happy!!!<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3900207715/" title="Rainbow Baby by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3532/3900207715_4bdbc16ca0_m.jpg" width="240" height="197" alt="Rainbow Baby" /></a><br /><br />Here is the first official u/s<br />It's still amazing to know I have a baby, a life inside me :)<br />Sebastien was very moved.<br />I was grumpy and frustrated not to know the sex, I was so impatient!<br />I want to get a name, I want to give an identity to my baby not just to call him/her baby for another 3 months!<br /><br />We tried to guess but really it is not easy we surely will know in november for now.<br />Patience,patience...because maybe we wont if baby does not cooperate!<br />Ha! I know I know, the most important is that everything is fine,baby is so alive, moving a lot, kicking, I cannot feel it, though sometimes since I was 2 months and a half I thought I could feel the moves...we'll see later.<br /><br />most women feel their baby around week 19 I think.<br />I'm 14weeks and two days, next tuesday is the end of the first trimester...gotta get the Chempaumiiiiiiiiiiii!<br />I want to feel good, I want my energy back, I want to feel like doing things<br />I am mostly dragging my body though I have some days with feeling better and I dont have nap everyday now!<br />Good!<br />:)<br /><br />I would say I'm feeling a little bored because I dont want to do anything.<br />taking pictures or painting would require too much energy.<br />I haven't painted since late june I guess?or was it july?<br />I can t remember!<br />I dont even know if I can paint again ahah, I feel so different.<br /><br />I am more focused on my real life, my love life, my pregnancy than art and such.<br />I am even thinking of stopping my art business now seriously.<br />I will take my decision at the end of this month.<br />I am pissed off with the organisation at La maison des artistes, nothing is clear, everything is complicated and I haven t received my tax declaration so I wonder should I be worried?<br />I know I wont pay tax but I have surely other things to pay and when I contact them by email they dont take the time to answer, that's great, vive la maison des artistes j'adore!<br /><br />Anyways art business was not meant for me, I mean I loved all the experiences I gained for this venture, it was a lot of hard work, a lot of energy, time and all.<br />I know on a resume I can write a lot of what I have learnt from this time as a self employed artist, so I dont regret anything.<br /><br />But I don't regret my artist life at all, it was fun, full of surprises, passion, I grew from this, I gain confidence, I got my successes, I did a lot of things, got published several times, published my own book, sold art worldwide :)<br />a lot to be proud of.<br /><br />But my life is evolving and I want to dedicate my time to my priorities so I guess either I will find a job or be a stay at home mom.<br />Later I'd like to venture Photography, but I guess I'll have to deal with the maison des artistes again...I wish I could start a business more easily...<br />and I will see first many things, how to deal with motherhood etc.<br /><br />I know no matter what I will still be a creative being because it's in my soul ;)<br />and maybe I will paint again soon who knows?<br />I go along my heart's desire :)<br /><br />I love the idea that I'm spending less time on the internet.<br />As an artist to sell and to always produce you have to spend a lot of time online, to share, to contact and such...<br />I used to be so addicted to internet and also to flickr!<br />I still go there, but I really got the feeling that it'll soon be over :)<br />I guess I want to be more in the here and now and to go out instead of the recluse life.<br />It's great because we're gonna live in a real city so going out will be easier than here in Houdan where there is nothing but we'll surely miss our little hanging out in the lovely countryside along the river, it's so beautiful!<br />a wonderfully romantic place, so quiet and all.<br /><br />The moving will be a real change!I am so eager for it!<br />to decorate the new place, to tidy the baby stuff my sister gave us:)<br />aaah it's gonna be great:)<br />I enjoy so much to have these baby things at home because it makes things more real to me , it's moving, it's so cute:)<br />we're moving this month :)<br /><br />it'll be a wonderful time to throw away my past and all the things I don't need here!<br />we all keep so many useless things and say oh but well maybe later I could use it for this or that!<br />we never do and years after years ,moving after moving we drag the same useless things<br />I have to be more sensible and practical now;)<br /><br />I love listening to songs singer wrote for their children, so if anyone wants to make my day, you can give me a mix cd or via email of songs like these:)<br />I already have of course tori amos's songs:)<br />I have one song by Pina Kollars that is so moving;)<br />I remember the first time I heard it in 2003 I guess I was so moved I could feel it, I remember how much I was craving to be a mother already!<br />time, time, time...<br /><br />I believe to create a life gives such more depths and meaning to our life!<br />And I know I was meant to love, to give and take care so I am happier than ever!<br /><br />In fact I am often all surprised and have a hard time to realise my dream is coming true I'm going to be a mother...I guess when I'm going to feel the baby that's gonna be more real;)<br />I will sing to her:)<br /><br />there is also this song by alela diane<br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/listen-252012">oh my mama</a><br /><br />I don't remember singing with my mother at all, but I remember singing with my grandmother Eliane, she was great,I think she's the one who made this passion for singing grow in me:))<br /><br />I hope to sing with my children:)<br />I am eager for all these things all the first times, singing my baby to sleep, reading stories yay Faery tales!!! ^___^ <br />painting together,cooking cupcakes together:)) all these things, real pure life:)<br /><br />Sometimes I am surprised that people dont marvel enough on this existence down here and dont take their chance to LIVE fully.<br />It's such a pathetic cowardice not to live it's so easier in fact...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3900232072/" title="so strange life is. why people do not go around in a continual state of surprise is beyond me by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3473/3900232072_d58c863c8d.jpg" width="500" height="370" alt="so strange life is. why people do not go around in a continual state of surprise is beyond me" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3899415989/" title="Living never wore one out so much as the effort not to live by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3469/3899415989_c2e2359d10.jpg" width="500" height="415" alt="Living never wore one out so much as the effort not to live" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3896123143/" title="if you had known what you now know by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2533/3896123143_c7b168366a_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="if you had known what you now know" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">if you had known what you now know<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Would things be any different<br />would you have done the same ugly mistakes<br />would you have lost and found yourself<br />would you have been wiser<br />Twisted roads made you learn<br />Mistakes are paths to spiritual growth<br />You know where you dwell<br />you know where you belong<br />When you've searched for home in the wrong places<br />In the swamps in the forests where the trees make no noise when they die<br />We hurt to understand<br />We fail to succeed<br />We love we hate to love again<br />To love better<br />We sacrifice pieces of who we are in the name of illusions & lovely lies<br />But this way truth can be told truth can be hold<br />And all the most beautiful words that you thought you'd never touch<br />Can be felt gliding like shimmering waters under your finger<br />If you had known what you now know<br />would you still think the same<br />would you have cried any less<br />Aren't tears a way to be real in a moment<br />facing one self the naked soul<br />That's beautiful to remain pure in spite of all the delusions and meeting with wolves<br />dark gobblins who think they are pirates and all that bunch of mirages<br />the chariots are black like their hands inked deception therein<br />We sometimes give our light for cheap but we keep on learning<br />The right doors to open to hallways to run and sing<br />With a feeling of lightness to feel so alive<br />invisible wings rinse the dirt rinse rinse rinse<br />we still need some time and growth to kiss the oblivion<br />behind me the graveyards my life is a garlands of poems(...)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3896546808/" title="Sebastien by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2639/3896546808_ab7d59bb99_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Sebastien" /></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3895765619/" title="L'essentiel by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2614/3895765619_476d7d64a0_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="L'essentiel" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3895755887/" title="Derrière moi les cimetières... by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2444/3895755887_c1ac883aa9.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Derrière moi les cimetières..." /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3886768173/" title="The cat that swallowed the canary by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2452/3886768173_51d50d9bb7.jpg" width="383" height="500" alt="The cat that swallowed the canary" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3880178751/" title="peace out by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2535/3880178751_411e2ee811.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="peace out" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3873655993/" title="Water Balet by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3534/3873655993_c830008e8e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Water Balet" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />The same place A new heartbeat<br />The same nest A brand new Home<br />Saraswati ripples and the water ballet has begun<br />Precious sweetness<br />Welcome to the land of True Adoration<br />Unconditional loving embrace<br />Wet eyes of Bliss's Dawn<br />Swirl and twinkle my little grace<br />can you believe this <br />Echoes and songs from beyond beneath and above<br />it aches my heart as the beauty invades my soul<br />So much light<br />scintillating as I hear the sound of her life galloping(...)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3880083125/" title="Goodbye Chaos by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3473/3880083125_e6b2314dfa.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Goodbye Chaos" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">No more fear of void<br />Embracing and dancing with my words best friends<br />No more standing in line<br />No more waiting room<br />I'm over with the insomniac tightrope dancer in me<br />Dragonflies are gushing from my spirit<br />Awaken and freer as can be<br />Can you see can you see<br />The softness of being any and everything that you are<br />No more hiding in the attic<br />No more curtains to draw<br />No more chest to explore<br />and mine is forever a secret untold(...)<br /></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3877367548/" title="Pisces Osmosis by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3431/3877367548_0f201db094.jpg" width="424" height="500" alt="Pisces Osmosis" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">a beautiful sp by the wonderful Cari Ann wayman who let me edit it :-)</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ripples of poems we seem to be one as she dances inside<br />Finally a little hand<br />The softest place of dream come true<br />Pisces osmosis an ocean of deep emotions<br />We will mirror our loves and wishes<br />We will read it all without whispering<br />The most beautiful poem in utero<br />Writing my favourite story to be<br />I sing and dance to the sound of her delicate rhythme<br />What is your name can you tell me<br />Message of caresses sweetest understanding<br />You're changing me in the bestest way I could have imagined(...)</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3873892746/" title="Be the Light that you are by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3468/3873892746_5228567673.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Be the Light that you are" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Be the Light that you are</span><br /><br />You don't need the light they want to dress you with<br />You don't need the glow of their writing<br />It's the art of lying<br />In a bed of roses and dreams<br />You don't need the tinsels you're not their xmas tree<br />You don't need no wrapping who said you should be a gift<br />It's the art of pretending<br />That we can fly with squared cropped clipped wings<br />You don't need their mirrors what 's the use of being transformed<br />Into bunches of stars and chips that you're none<br />You just don't need to need<br />Your freedom is a gift<br />Careless and fleeting<br />Twirling no strings attached<br />You can't belong you are your own<br />Be the light that you are<br />Peel all the scratched tattoos<br />Who cares about that graceless ink(...)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3873106721/" title="My Dear by ♥Ma Sorcière♥, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2453/3873106721_304d5febbc.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="My Dear " /></a><br /><br />Blessed be & namasté!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-65275651307960546782009-08-16T10:20:00.000-07:002009-08-19T00:54:34.159-07:00Healthy Heartbeat in Utero<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3791490367/" title="tagged by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2640/3791490367_5dc1975af7.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="tagged" /></a><br /><br />We are happy we are overjoyed but to be totally honest right now it's still not so easy for me to feel the joy for most of the time I am super sick, queasy a lot especially when I'm on the computer<br />I wake up about 4/5 times each night to pee and enjoy some nauseas ^___^;;<br />wonderful!we're having fun!<br />sometimes I'm joking a bit telling my little rainbow baby" okay now I'm not sure you and I will get along if this keeps going on for ages!"<br /><br />of course I am joking. We were so blessed to be pregnant again only two months after the painful miscarriage.<br /><br />The first month of pregnancy was very depressing, I mean I was super happy to know very soon like I felt it.<br />But I got depressed because of hormones for sure and me thinking of life, future and all the things I have failed instead of being positive and looking at all my successes, wonderful ventures, everything I have managed to do because I just wanted it.<br /><br />I am very aware now that I have a lot to be proud of but well beginning of pregnancy can be this way.<br />You worry about how you're gonna provide for this child etc, you just want the best for your baby and family.<br />I felt also very sad ,guilty and angry at myself about things I have done, mistakes and all.<br /><br />But I am quite relieved now that I have totally erased pieces of my past.<br />What I cannot love I just erase and never come back there again because it's much better this way.<br /><br />Also like the saying says if I have had known what I now know...I surely would not have done such mistakes.<br />But life is a place of learning so it's always good, this is how we grow.<br />And Goddess knows how much I learnt and grew in this year 2009.<br /><br />I am really different from the person I was in 2008, I am the same too in some aspect of my personality of course :)<br />but things evolves and it is great.<br /><br />I am enjoying being 30!<br />and I cannot wait to see my baby again.<br /><br />We first saw our little pisces baby on august 1st<br />my darling sebastien came with me which I appreciated a lot.<br />We've been so much closer and happier this year which is wonderful.<br />We saw the tiny heart bumping, it was so strange and fascinating!<br />Ha! but of course it was too short!<br />the image was in my mind for many days and everytime it brought a huge smile on my face.<br />I never had the chance to see an embryo at the first pregnancy because my first u/s was too early and it was way too tiny to see anything at all.<br />So it was a big first time!<br />it's big head, little body, fascinating to know it's inside me,growing.<br /><br />I of course was very stressed to wait and see but I have tried hard to be positive as much as I could.<br />There were days of big tears because I could not handle the waiting and the worrying of the evil what if...<br />I have banned them now!<br />I keep positive affirmation in my speech as much as I can to bring good things to me.<br /><br />There is much more communication, sharing and quality time together which we enjoy.<br />Our couple have definetly got stronger after all we've been through in 2008 and 2009.<br /><br />Lately also seb grandfather died and this news in the early morning just totally broke my heart.<br />I even cried before he said the words.<br />I guess I cried for him.<br />Death really shake you and of course reminds you all your loved ones who had died before and how much you miss them.<br /><br />Death reminds you how much you have to be there here and now for your loved ones.<br />Family matters a lot.<br />It's for me one of the most important!<br />That's why I am so eager to have my own little family:)<br /><br />I felt how strange 2009 was.<br /><br />I mean I understand more and perhaps at the moment accept more the fact that death is a part of life but really the fact you cannot change things.<br />it's done, like over you somehow down here made me really sad for some reasons.<br />We owed his grandfather a lot for this I am very grateful.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3760680851/" title="Like a brand new soul by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2545/3760680851_63bf58b3e4.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Like a brand new soul" /></a><br /><br />I have stopped painting and producing much art of any kind which is why I am really hard to reach these days, I am just resting.<br />I am sick most of the time, I have some nap in the day, I have lost weight so I am really energyless and it's something hard to bear at times.<br />I am a cerebral and compulsively creative person but these weeks I have really slowly put the artist self in brackets because I just can not think or do very much.<br /><br />I have found a new passion: I am cooking!Yes indeed ^___^ <br />but as soon as the nauseas appeared cooking became less and less interesting as food is not my fancy these days!<br /><br />Except SUSHIS and I keep thinking of this obsession night and days, yeah it's insane.<br />I try to find excuses, to think listeriose is very rare and sushis are so healthy and easy to digest<br />sighs<br />I am truly frustrated.<br />I have seen many women have eaten sushis and some in Japan still eat sushis while pregnant, so we'll see.<br />Maybe I'll play the safe card at least for a healthy baby.<br /><br />but sometimes the long list of all the things pregnant women should not eat is really boring and maybe too much.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3752249174/" title="Is there room in my heart by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2510/3752249174_abe52a77fa.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Is there room in my heart" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3776736681/" title="Show me the Rainbow by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3492/3776736681_a6e756c2a3.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Show me the Rainbow " /></a><br /><br /><br />I would have a lot to say about all the things I have done , discovered , loved and all during June and July<br />like wonderful movies that made me cry : The strange story of Benjamin Button , that I surely have to watch again.<br /><br />Surely my most favourite film in a long time!<br />I just adored the idea, the emotions and how it was made, a real work of art/heart!<br />I just cried my heart out at the end of the movie.<br /><br />Marley and me<br />that was a movie that made me think : <span style="font-style:italic;">Life is beautiful because it makes you cry</span>.<br /><br />I felt it was so real, true, just the life you know.<br />With human being having behaviours that truly were real, good actors!<br />I really love Jennifer anniston.<br />In the movie the girl has a miscarriage so it felt really close to my life, I could relate a lot and it gave me Hopes!<br />and a few days after watching the movie I knew I was pregnant again!<br />:))<br /><br />I loved how it talked about the real life with emotion but not too much, and how our pets are really a part of our life, they remind us our past and all the things we lived together as a couple, a family!<br />I love this!<br />I don't like dogs very much and people can first think it's cheesy, but I don't know it was so well done that it makes it very emotional and real.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3722524333/" title="I wish I could be read like somebody's favourite book by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3530/3722524333_1cb9a59c1c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I wish I could be read like somebody's favourite book" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3765126832/" title="Aelis Lake by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2577/3765126832_149d43a69e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Aelis Lake" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3762527548/" title="Faces by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2620/3762527548_bb9166e935.jpg" width="333" height="500" alt="Faces" /></a><br /><br />Sebastien and I are going to get a PACS which is often seen as a gay marriage here in France because it's the only thing allowed to them alas but for us it's like a pre-wedding, a way to renew our engagement and have the same rights of married couple without paying the whole thing because first we cannot afford a wedding now or at least not the wedding we want but also we both want our children to be there at our wedding.<br /><br />Family is what matters the most to me and I think it must be so beautiful for children to live this moment of their parents celebrating their love after many years of being together :)<br />It's exciting and a thing to look forward ;)<br /><br />We'll surely get married in about 10 years.<br />I love this idea.<br />The only thing I regret about this is that our loved ones will be older and some might not be there, but hey who knows!Let's be hopeful!<br />anything is possible!<br /><br />voilà some sad things and a lot of good news too :)<br />Just the real life , the way things are.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3758145177/" title="A thousands ways to pray without praying by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2427/3758145177_3563b9708d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="A thousands ways to pray without praying" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3752221316/" title="Tomorrow by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2048/3752221316_e6e1d47bd2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Tomorrow" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3752147560/" title="Est ce que ça fait mal by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2495/3752147560_e89ffda2e8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Est ce que ça fait mal" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3749816406/" title="I'll meet you there by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2435/3749816406_8ac8634af2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I'll meet you there" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3735756220/" title="♡Faes Are Electric♡ by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2668/3735756220_f668cd3496.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="♡Faes Are Electric♡" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3737822917/" title="Face Your Light Bring The Weapons by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3435/3737822917_611e523729.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Face Your Light Bring The Weapons" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3734887925/" title="We're floating in the moonlit sky by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2523/3734887925_866e0e7f10.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="We're floating in the moonlit sky" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3723375040/" title="Et nous vivons chacun nos tristesses respectives dans nos petites chambres en enfer by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3466/3723375040_32cbec7b6e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Et nous vivons chacun nos tristesses respectives dans nos petites chambres en enfer" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3734802574/" title="Aileen Attic by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2526/3734802574_b998d35c05.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Aileen Attic" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3693447120/" title="Les sourires du grenier d'Aélis by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2643/3693447120_c3b6e2f53e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Les sourires du grenier d'Aélis" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">conversations with ghosts</span><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3693446784/" title="Conversations with Ghosts by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2614/3693446784_799c724782.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Conversations with Ghosts" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Hey Ghosts why people can be so cruel and stubborn?<br />Don't call yourself a bohemian a hippie if you can be so locked up in your mind.<br />We cannot judge!<br />Oh Goddess!We cannot judge!<br />Hey Ghosts why will they blame on innocents listening to tv and swallow all the shit they are served everyday to believe this world is sick?<br />God no!God knows!<br />The way people can look like unhuman vulture easy prey rip a piece<br />no rest in peace<br />you're mean I don't know what this really means but you are mean!<br />Look at the woman in the mirror<br />Anything is possible<br />Like spreading lies for aeons past the tomb<br />Seraphims know the truth higher above those clouds of your dirtiest minds<br />Hey Ghosts why people can be so narrow minded<br />does that mean their soul has those very cramped alleys<br />Does that mean their thoughts is only black or white?<br />Give us some rainbows!<br />Now!<br />We need to colour their plates full of hopes<br />And a way to make them see beyond and behind<br />Don't be a sheep don't oh no don't be a fucking damn sheep<br />Ghosts are you there?</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3734801068/" title="Hélène back from Marvel Land by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3442/3734801068_80bbf3ba81.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Hélène back from Marvel Land" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3723118539/" title="I am so scared of this Bliss by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2634/3723118539_807a2bd079.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I am so scared of this Bliss" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3734002923/" title="Un chemin un pays by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2568/3734002923_14a08e1d66.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Un chemin un pays" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3710589786/" title="I want to be an ocean by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2575/3710589786_7bbf16c120.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I want to be an ocean" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3698592648/" title="Anais by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2621/3698592648_1ff3125912.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Anais" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3693425751/" title="Mon petit Bliss by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2647/3693425751_ec3b6a3c0e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Mon petit Bliss" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3693425571/" title="Gentle Bliss Of Pisces Poems by ♥Ma Sorcière♥on Holidays!, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3590/3693425571_830c0e06fb.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Gentle Bliss Of Pisces Poems" /></a><br /><br />We are now visiting apartement to move for a bigger place.<br />I just really want to decorate a baby's room, I think it's important even if a baby does not need much room, it's also important for him/her to be able to sleep alone.<br />Surely the first month we'll have the baby in our room but then we'll try to let him/her sleep alone.<br /><br />I am not someone who wants to have the baby attached to me all day/night long<br />I think what is healthy is to have a close bond to your baby and still have your love life, be a couple :)<br />I will always preserve that.<br />I love sebastien so much and I am so happy of the future ahead for us.<br />Of course I don't know it all but I am confident, I trust life and I know it'll be fine come what may because we are together in this.<br /><br />I am impatient for our new life to begin but I will try to enjoy each day :)<br />at the moment it's still difficult, well it's especially the night that I apprehend a lot because I hardly sleep and my body aches.<br /><br />But surely the second trimester will feel better so we have to wait till the end of august :)<br />we are going to see our baby again in september for the real u/s which will last longer and many things will be seen and measured:)<br />I just cannot wait!<br /><br />At the moment we're on holidays and it's great even if I am exhausted we spend our time together and next week we'll visit more apartments and also will have some fun maybe visiting castle and beautiful gardens.<br />We also may go to Disneyland Paris yay!!!<br />yes of course I wont be able to do all the attractions but I am not eager to anyways I am too much of a scary cat<br />I just love the atmosphere there, childhood dreams, it feels good, you feel you're in another world and you play like a child again :)<br /><br />I don't know, it's my thing!<br />yet I have worked there and hated and it totally destroyed the dream ahah, but I just forgot ;)<br />yet right now when thinking about it I wouldnt mind trying again.<br /><br />At the moment I feel more like entering the real world, having a job etc.<br />I miss socialising.<br />But a lot of exciting thing are coming for 2010!<br />baby's due for 9 march 2010<br />but maybe it'll be on my bday on the 11th eheh imagine that if it's a girl mwhahahahh<br /><br />cannot wait to know!<br />We will understand one another so well ^____^ <br /><br />Many blessings to everyone.<br />I don't answer much emails and all in the months, because we're on holidays and I just focuse on this and being with my love.<br />I have begun penpalling again and I enjoy it , I miss receiving real paper letter and meeting a soul, sharing stories, memories and life moments this way!<br />it's great!<br /><br /><br />Enjoy your summertime!<br />;-)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-12907098416310236562009-06-25T23:59:00.000-07:002009-06-26T03:49:16.513-07:00Blessed be Michael Jackson!Blessed be for all the years you made us Dream,Sing & dance!<span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. <span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> ~From a headstone in Ireland<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br /><br />Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality.<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> ~Emily Dickinson<br /><br />Oh precious Emily, I cannot more agree with you dear!<br />You that I never met you are loved and thus immortal to me like a sister I have felt so close to.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />We really have to LIVE & LOVE now.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjtI2WZTZ9k">love that video so much</a><br />so moving.<br /><br />I do believe in a continuity though but still it's better to enjoy this lifetime, this experience in this body and this life to the fullest so we keep learning, growing for even greater future existences, other kind of experiences and maybe even other kind of dimension.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Death is not stopping.</span><br /><br />I couldn't help crying, how could I?<br />And what for?<br />I am an emotional and hypersensitive person and whatever my beliefs are , death is sad.<br />It brings nostalgia,so many memories,a time of our life and also the fact the person won't create anymore.<br /><br />And creation, art of any kind is something utterly meaningful to me.<br /><br /><br />There are those people who've somehow became associated to your childhood, your good times, the holidays in car across the country or even to Greece or Turkey with my parents and friends.<br />Ha! the lovely 80's and early 90's!<br />Loveliest time,carefree and somehow things looked realer than now maybe because of this pure feeling that we didn't need much at that time.<br /><br />We knew how to be happy with what we had, then everything happened at once, and the more we got new technology and new things the more we wanted new things in every fields of our life.<br />That's perhaps why our era sounds so soulless.<br />Maybe I'm just a nostalgic or whatnot.<br />Maybe I'm just aging.<br /><br />But is it a lie that children are lacking innocence nowadays?<br />everything is told to them way too early, we prevents them from dreaming longer, from enjoying this carefree time and from believing in magick, wonders and all.<br /><br />Call me idealistic.I'm proud of it.<br />I will always believe in faeries and I am not the only one.<br /><br />I feel I am so aware of the way our societies have been, we always see this.<br /><br />When watching Pekin Express( a sort of real tv show about a race around Asian countries which is a very human kind of tv show according to me)we see that, how people in those poor countries are so more welcoming, how they invite people to sleep or eat in their home, while we are all barricaded in our home, to protect ourselves, we're all suffering from the ambiant stress and general mistrust because nowadays everyone can become a killer.<br /><br />It does not mean I am hopeless about this world, of course not.<br />Just keep wishing we would all be more human.<br />I am often criticize on my big mouth, my being so damn frank and my expressing my anger.<br /><br />But I am real and so human.<br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/781444">Utopia by alanis M.</a><br />this is still one of my most favourite song, because of the beauty purity and energy it has.<br /><br />And I do believe that this mourning the Great Michael Jackson we are all united in this sharing of sorrow, of knowing how we're gonna miss him.<br /><br />I kept for several years hoping he would do another album, something brand new!<br />He could have! He definetly could have blown us away once more!<br />He did so many times.<br /><br />He made us dream, feel good, sing in car trips, laugh, dance.<br /><br />I remember when I was ten years old I was deeply in love with him!<br />I even fell in love with a boy that to me looked kinda like him, maybe he did.<br />I remember he would brush his hair like Michael in songs like Billie Jean ;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/2795637">Billie Jean</a><br />I still sing out loud in my car when listening to that one I must admit!shameless!<br />But how not to want to dance and sway while singing that song ^_______^ <br />it's full of a great energy!<br /><br />I loved dancing listening to Michael Jackson, I loved his trick!<br />It should have been a shocking things but for children we often laugh at this and loved immatating him with my brother François.<br /><br />we were fans.<br />Even my parents!<br />I believe especially my father, who would put up the volume whenever there was a Michael Jackson song on the radio and sing out loud.<br />I believe I kept that habit from my father (laughing)<br /><br />I remember my girl friends at that time always told me and thought my father was so cool because he would sing Michael Jackson<br />But I was not close to my father at that time.<br />Yet when we shared this passion for M J we were together, united!<br /><br />I love how Music has definetly this power to heal the world, to spread such a wonderful energy that people commune together.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/2795638">Black or white</a><br /><br />I have some tapes where I recorded my voice and my best friend of childhood D. when we were singing " Heal the world"<br />we were about 12/13 years old and we were just learning English,so it was cute to hear our accent!<br />I would love to listen to this tape now but Modern world I don't have any tape players anymore but in the car, then it means I'll have to throw away memories?<br /><br />These memories were precious to me.<br />There are on these tapes the moments of the unique time of my life when I still loved my younger bro when he was a baby.<br />Then this love died away or turned into hatred, but as Hatred is useless I decided it Ignorance was bliss.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/2924805"> Bad</a><br /><br />Yes I am not a perfect person I am a human being.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/2924806">Smooth criminal</a><br /><br />Michael Jackson has rocked my childhood.<br />I believe I have loved singing and as a child and teen I would sing with him all the time ;)<br />then I loved Kurt cobain early too ;)<br />but I still loved MJ at the same time.<br />Later around 13 I had a passion for Lenny Kravitz ;)<br /><br />Music has always been a passion since I was born;)<br /><br />I have a picture of me being about 5 and with big earphones of the 80's listening to rock music!<br /><br />Music is a healer, a smile on your face when you don't feel good.<br />That is why we look up to those stars, they really make a change in our life.<br />It's not just being fan insane and wanting to know what they ate yesterday, I am not that kind of fan, I don't care.<br />I am an admirer of artists and have always been.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/866965">Heal the world</a><br /><br />I love people who are true givers, who have this beautiful energy to share, to give Blissful emotions to others, the ones who make us dream, who Inspire, who spread the Love and hope!<br /><br />I have always loved that and will always.That is always what I aspire to, to make people dream, to inspire, to keep creating with pure love energy and to spread it around.<br />This said I'm not comparing to those genius I admire, but I believe we are light wavers to unite this humanity, to awake the humanity in others, to make them Feel again and remember.<br /><br />What truly saddened me is that Michael Jackson had been dragged in the mud for so long, people only wanted to criticize him and he couldn't be free at all.<br />yeah the kind of same attitude towards famous people like with Britney spears.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kOG8lwvVSmo&hl=fr&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kOG8lwvVSmo&hl=fr&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />How honoured and impressed must Britney have felt on that day!<br />She has been blessed to sing with him really!<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/866956"> In the closet</a><br /><br />People well mostly paparazzi have to spread shit on the hero, on the people who are so admired around the world.<br />Is it just envy?<br />Is it just money?<br /><br />I also am quite aware that people will keep making joke even about his death of find ways to criticize, insult who they think he was and whatnot.<br /><br />I wonder how these people sleep at night.<br />No dreams anymore for them.<br /><br />It's definetly okay not to be a fan or even that MJ's music is not your cup of tea but then don't try to tarnish his memory what's the point in that?<br />Would you feel better then?<br /><br />I will never believe MJ would have abused or hurt a child. Never.<br />He may have depression and a strange closeness with children right.<br />I also believe he was so rich that people would have done anything to ruin him getting some.<br />Whatever his personal life or his problems I think we love an artist not for his private life that should be none of fucking business!<br />We loved him because he made us dream and we all should have been perhaps more grateful for this instead of throwing him in the mud on the public place!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deezer.com/track/866953">why you wanna trip on me</a><br /><br />I am sure I am not the only today who is heartbroken by this death and who will live with this sweet feeling of nostalgia.<br />I am sure a lot of people on this planet are crying because of Michael Jackson's death and have those childhood stories to share about him.<br />I believe it's beautiful.<br /><br />I truly hope they will make a real deserved homage to him on tv to remember, to mourn, to sort of say goodbye till later!<br /><br />You know I would have a hard time believing a child of the 80's cannot have a memory with an MJ song:)<br />If you want to share with me some of your memories or thoughts about this death , please feel free.<br /><br />You know he will surely be for us like for instance the death of John Lennon was for our parents.<br />A tragedy, somebody who will be missed and still admired long time after his death!<br /><br />And I listened to John Lennon as a teen so I believe I can imagine my children(when I'll have her)listening to MJ one day.<br /><br />We all dig in our parents musical past.<br />Especially when Music is a real important thing in your home, it has always been like this with my parents.<br /><br />For sebastien and I too, music makes us feel good and inspired!<br /><br />I wish I were in L.A now to be able to be their for MJ's funeral, not as a morbid desire, but to feel the love of humanity.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Why each terribly sad event of all kind unite us is not a mystery. Empathy is what make us HUMAN.<br /><br />Empathy is the greatest LOVE on Earth and one of the Purest.</span><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nvWMLAWrEjU&hl=fr&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nvWMLAWrEjU&hl=fr&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">With all he did, with all his care and involvement, I can only believe on top of being an amazing and one of kind artist that a lot have imitate or got largely inspired by, he was also a Beautiful Soul.<br /><br />The kind of person who is commited and don't only thing about life in pink or himself.</span><br /><br />I wonder what Tori amos will express about this death, I don't know how at all what she thought about MJ.<br /><br /><br />Nobody will ever sing or dance like him.<br />He will be remembered and missed a lot.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/f8muMo0fw_M&hl=fr&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f8muMo0fw_M&hl=fr&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.</span> ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery<br /><br />When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. <span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> ~Kahlil Gibran<br /><br /><br /><br />Blessed be Michael Jackson, peace out to all his fans and the people,friends and family who loved him true for his art and humanity.Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-86709462387717962082009-06-25T01:35:00.000-07:002009-06-25T03:59:52.679-07:00Waiting for the Summer fruits while remembering springtime flowers in the graveyardMore than a month later.<br />Times flies no wait! it's running after me!<br /><br />Wish I had time to write my blog, surely it could do me good.<br />To write a little.<br />To just talk about my daily life and my art life.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3653947867/" title="Coeur De Petite Sorcière by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3657/3653947867_119a4b367f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Coeur De Petite Sorcière" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3654817540/" title="You're Safe Everyone interprete No One grasps the Truth Of Your Soul by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2466/3654817540_dcfb67cd7f.jpg" width="380" height="500" alt="You're Safe Everyone interprete No One grasps the Truth Of Your Soul" /></a><br />It feels so good everytime I go back to my acrylic world ;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3584650917/" title="When I walk on my own I write my life along with love by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3657/3584650917_10f15c73b2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="When I walk on my own I write my life along with love" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3554003650/" title="Take care of your dreams by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3413/3554003650_c441e6163d.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Take care of your dreams" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3554055640/" title="In the Dark everything shines for her by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2481/3554055640_f66d3e311c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="In the Dark everything shines for her" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3585468314/" title="I am a book of oddities you've got to feel my story by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3311/3585468314_84bb964dae.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I am a book of oddities you've got to feel my story" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3637359669/" title="No Flowers No Crowns by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2453/3637359669_bb213bd852.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="No Flowers No Crowns" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3638172650/" title="Speak your truth by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3306/3638172650_ac0a7f29e5.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Speak your truth" /></a><br /><br />I haven't painted much for a while.<br />Not in the mood, too busy with other things in my life, like phoetry for instance.<br />Working on different projects.<br />In fact for a whole month I was really incredibly busy but I handled it and I guess I loved it.<br />When you're so busy you go to the essential and you have no time for insomnia.<br />Kidding a bit, but working so much made me feel better.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3653247575/" title="This Holy longing is irresistible in its urgency to create new life by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3604/3653247575_135cd479ce.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="This Holy longing is irresistible in its urgency to create new life" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">You don't have to compartimentalize your self, especially if you're an artist.<br />Just keep expressing, share what you have to share, do what you have to do,always out of Love.<br />And I believe you are safe, for everyone interpretes no one ever grasp the truth of your own soul.<br />You only know.<br /><br />who you are. And why you do the things you do.<br />Even if sometimes it can sound weird to you, with time and looking back you find the answers are all in the questions of your art, your heart.<br /></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3575835108/" title="Welcome To The Bohemian Freak Show by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3623/3575835108_b5e041e415.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Welcome To The Bohemian Freak Show" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3575017473/" title="You feel the light coming your way by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3341/3575017473_7edeb4c075.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="You feel the light coming your way" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3612725755/" title="Au fond du lac le monde de Sir Hell Crumb by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3297/3612725755_987ea1dbdc.jpg" width="500" height="461" alt="Au fond du lac le monde de Sir Hell Crumb" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3575826062/" title="In our world in our paths by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3602/3575826062_d3ce8729ed.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="In our world in our paths" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3545538328/" title="Things are not what they seem(Real woman and a mask) by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3335/3545538328_f4c1b23efa.jpg" width="500" height="344" alt="Things are not what they seem(Real woman and a mask)" /></a><br />(picture featured in my book In The Name Of Kali)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3547728275/" title="Call Me Arrogant Darling Fruitcake Her Love Licks Their hate by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3361/3547728275_641411b385.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Call Me Arrogant Darling Fruitcake Her Love Licks Their hate" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3547728281/" title="And For this gift I feel blessed by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3555/3547728281_fa01815412.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="And For this gift I feel blessed" /></a><br /><br />I have so many to express but I don't know where to start.<br />How to do a sum up on everything I've been lucky to learn and discover this past month.<br /><br />First of all about Friendship and making friends.<br />Still the same old thing that people want you to be honest and they cannot hear your truth.<br />hey it's merely your truth, so it should not be the world to them right?<br /><br />I have been through events that showed me true friendship required maturity, a bit of self trust to be aware of what you have to offer in this relationship, a good sense of humour and of course open mindedness and tolerance.<br /><br />I remember when I was younger I somehow couldn't hear people disagreement with me, I would lose temper at once now I am okay to listen and I always try to see what the person means, how she or he perceives things.<br />It's always a question of perception after all.<br /><br />If you're strong enough, you're not fleeing because of another viewpoint.<br /><br />Immaturity can be cute of course it depends how it is shown but some people feel lonely and disbelieve in true friendship, or just want to criticize the rest of the humanity as if they had the monopoly of good heart or what?<br />This is so absurd!<br /><br />Open your mind!<br />See further for goddess's sake!<br /><br />I am always sadden when people don't want to grow and understand things.<br />Stubborness is a huge waste of time.<br />Of course we all have our strong opinion and we sometimes don't feel like changing,it's ok.<br />We have lived things that make us be who we are, but when you want to make friends you have to open and be ready to lose or suffer the fact you won't face a mirror.<br />We are all similar but all unique.<br />it's just so sad all the beauty people may waste with a locked up heart.<br /><br />They may say it's because they've been hurt a lot in the past and disappointed by everyone and they don't want to trust anymore.<br />immature waste of time, we learn in this!<br />we learn through this!<br /><br /><br />There is something I really cringe at it's when people feel the need to criticize another to feel better about themselves.<br />Like " come on people stop whining and believe that fairies will pop out of your screen"<br /><br />fuck this!and fuck you!<br />If these people want to share their emotions the way they do,it's their right<br />not please with this, kiss their asses!<br /><br />I cannot stand those attitudes.<br />People should just live their life and stop pointing their fingers at other and how they live theirs!<br />Hell,Leave us alone!<br /><br />I do not fear any criticize or anyone wanting to burn me, that's always why I chose the name " Ma Sorcière" at flickr.<br /><br />I am totally utterly and completely accepting myself & happily pissing you if it has to.<br />never my goal well okay it depends if you tease me too much babe;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3650141599/" title="Helluva Real Woman She d.i.y.(s) for love by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2472/3650141599_9f1e5f0396.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Helluva Real Woman She d.i.y.(s) for love" /></a><br /><br />People must see me as bitchy because I have a big mouth and anger is not something I am shameless to express.<br />I have read anyways in some Christian or catholic forums that anger was not so much of a sin<br />of course I do not believe in the idea of sin, I gladly play with it.<br />and if anger was a sin I would be then a shameless sinner.<br /><br />Not out of rebellion, it's more than this.<br />I believe in expressing your disagreement, if you suffer because of somebody's behaviour it is just your right to tell them you are angry and why.<br />It does not mean hurting them on purpose.<br />But saying unpleasant things to them that is merely your truth on how you lived things, how you felt them and it cannot be changed.<br /><br />We are the way people had treated us.<br />Like our parents in childhood and teen age for instance.<br /><br />If your parents complimented you, hugged you, showed you care, lots of affection, if they made you feel you could do anything, if they were there anytime listening closely to your problems etc maybe then you can grow as a self confident adult and not have to endure depression or lack of self esteem at times.<br /><br />Of course we have to cut the cord too.<br />Past is past, even if it feels like something has been stolen from us, something we can never have again.<br />A missing part in our life.<br />How to fill the hole? how it to heal it whole?<br /><br />Art ,creativity, love and being real are possible answers to this, and of course to try not to act the same way.<br /><br />We all live in cycles.<br />I mean cycles of sorrows and joy that come back to us and we feel oh I have experienced this before in another way perhaps, sometimes it could also be reminiscence of past lives.<br />Some present sorrow can re-open past wounds, it's the life.<br />How we deal with this?<br />expression and imagination.<br /><br />There is enough energy in our soul to heal if we really want to.<br /><br />Some people still come to me asking "how is the baby? how is your pregnancy"<br /><br />I am like, well he, okay you didn't know not your fault, but I lost it, I miscarried.<br /><br />Then the whole thing is back again, like a wave to my face and I remember it's me who've been through this maelstrom of emotions.<br /><br />But I am definetly not alone in this.<br />I have been lucky enough to take pictures of wonderful children.<br />There are great teachers and my contact with them made me more and more understand how I have a real easy bond with children, that childhood is a familiar world to me.<br />A lot of people often say how younger I look in real life or on my photos, it's cute.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3618488467/" title="Iceane by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3345/3618488467_fb18733ebf_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Iceane" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3618488725/" title="Ilona by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3399/3618488725_70505654b8_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Ilona" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3656470801/" title="iceane la véritable l'unique princesse moustache de chocolat by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2441/3656470801_0731bf7841_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="iceane la véritable l'unique princesse moustache de chocolat" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3619368936/" title="The Door To Crystal Child Blessing by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3347/3619368936_9345d5de64_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="The Door To Crystal Child Blessing" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3657262236/" title="ilona by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3322/3657262236_051b4a29b5_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="ilona" /></a><br /><br />I really hope to keep learning and finally create another business as a photographer.<br />Especially children photographer because I love to capture that essence , the soul of this time, so pure, so innocent, where magic is unscathed.<br /><br />To come back about anger, it's an emotion people often deny, feel ashamed, can't deal with etc.<br />I express anger easily when I disagree if it's something important of course I'm not angry at everything.<br />I love when I'm fine with everything, but the world is not bright pink everyday is it?<br />look further.<br /><br />I believe it's because I am capable to love immensely, I share a lot of myself, I am a real human being or trying to always tend towards this.<br />I give, I try to inspire, I share and I do listen a lot.<br />The fact that I love big implies also the fact I can also be extreme with anger because there are things I cannot bear.<br />like Anais Nin said:<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br /> "The only abnormality is the incapacity to love." <span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span><br /> <br />Also some people tried to bother me with the fact I take self portrait that showed my body in a sensual or erotic way and then taking pictures of Innocence/children.<br /><br />Well I do believe we are complete when we can express Mary and the Magdalene, of course you draw the limits.<br /><br />I would quickly kick pedophiles asses.<br />I have seen other photographers taking sensual self portraits and also the most beautiful soulful and real portrait of innocent children and there was nothing wrong with that.<br /><br />It's like a woman can be a Mother and she's still a sexual wife.<br />She's not only the sweet heart of the house.<br />We are multi sided, so is my art.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3606269103/" title="Come closer spread some poisonous sugar on my devilish winged thoughts by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3349/3606269103_0d73273fcd.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Come closer spread some poisonous sugar on my devilish winged thoughts" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">They fly<br />You're in them<br />They fly<br />You want them<br />entwined thorns so soft and touching<br />How beautiful the nightmares under my pillow under my bed under my heart<br />Ankle all swollen<br />Sore throat<br />Sense all sored<br />A wardrobe full of circean dress<br />Little darkness<br />Tame thy monster whisper the pixies<br />But all my garden have blown away<br />seeds of dandelions<br />No dreams no wishes<br />For another tree<br />To climb and let my soul soar<br />I cannot clean my wings<br />I am a bad needlewoman<br />I want to sew my lips together to prevent them to utter<br />my need my needs my desires</span><br /><br /><br /><br />I believe my friends understand and enjoy the things I do without judging.<br /><br />We have many different things to express.<br /><br />so yes I have been working on a New Eve project!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3641718500/" title="Bite me by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3576/3641718500_b8d4250871.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Bite me" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3640908769/" title="Man Gentle Woe by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2479/3640908769_86491d30e2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Man Gentle Woe" /></a><br />and happily mixed Innocence and sexuality.<br /><br />My thoughts are fizzing and I have many new ideas for books, but sometimes I'm like Hey hold on!<br />I cannot note all these things!<br />So I believe I have enough ideas for the next 10 years ;)<br />haha<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3606247067/" title="Read in the palm of my hand by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2464/3606247067_a9dbff8ca9.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Read in the palm of my hand" /></a><br /><br />Ha! this is one of my most fav poetic design since a long time!<br />It all appeared by magick out of the blue so thank you Fairies!Thank you muses!!<br />I am blessed and never alone.<br />Of course it's for an imaginary band so I had to imagine it all :)<br />It's always so much fun to me!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3631949903/" title="June please June by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2476/3631949903_59c5c489ce.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="June please June" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Band name: June Please June<br />Album name: Springtime watery songs<br /><br />1)Alone at the White crow queen lake<br />2)April's flowers underwater<br />3)May drowned<br />4)Artemis river of presents<br />5)Strange path of the pomegranates<br />6)Away from the Fields of narcissi<br />7)Sister Demeter's letter<br />8)Third lane<br />9)Douceur de Léthé<br />10)Flammes à l'amer<br />11)4<br />12)Ocean of love and coffins<br />13)Blue funk stream</span> <br /><br />Of course one day I will make a book on this too, but yeah I need more than a life ;)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3632196724/" title="Alors viens et sois mes maux by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3343/3632196724_fa070a7bb3.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Alors viens et sois mes maux" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">He said "Anais!Anais!"<br />I remember that name.<br />She said it could be your daughter's name, the one you'll never have.<br />I told him she was under a pile of pages of madness<br />He couldn't read my name anymore so I told him to be my hurt<br />He couldn't be my words<br />Even if he dared<br />How could Mr Empathy bleed as much as a woman<br />Not in my story anyways<br />Men invente themselves pain and women live through them<br />Always<br />For instance when you got a package in your car and you never dare<br />pull out the ribbon<br />then who are you?<br />A ghost?<br />Are you fucking insane?<br />I thought that was me.<br />I thought<br />All along the cinders a shoe that shouldn't be red<br />Sometimes you say you're afraid to acknowledge the water in your eyes<br />This hole darkest void<br />I wish I could be the rain when they ask for the sun<br /><br />(...) </span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3629042625/" title="Anais' dress by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3379/3629042625_afdb78c898.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Anais' dress" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Still waiting<br />Red roses in the vase on the kitchen table<br />I hear the melancholly on the window pane<br />It echoes<br />Humide soft noises<br />She forgot her keys once again<br />Did she do it on purpose<br />On the bed Anais' dress<br />I could still smell her perfume<br />The satin of poetry that suits her skin like nothing else<br />When you meet Anais you never forget her eyes<br />All the secrets they tell when they penetrate yours <br />It's a strange moment right after midnight<br />Her ghost is above me invading her dress<br />Floating laces and the bewitching whispers<br />Then later I sway naked in the attic<br />Missing her touch<br />missing the way she understands<br />Each of her kisses not demanding not expecting anything<br />As the rain falls deeper(...)</span><br /><br />she dances on the walls that she paints with her whispers:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3584959479/" title="Elle danse sur les murs qu'elle peint de ses murmures by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3658/3584959479_d7cf33d560.jpg" width="500" height="412" alt="Elle danse sur les murs qu'elle peint de ses murmures" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3631464163/" title="On Rachel's road by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3661/3631464163_fa2f880ce2.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="On Rachel's road" /></a><br />(not completely satisfied with this self portrait but I love the poem with it)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">There are demons on Rachel's road<br />It's in her name<br />It's in her faith<br />Along the ground <br />Debris of all the things she recalls<br />We hear evil songs on Rachel's road<br />Among the particules there is note<br />Something that caress your neck when you sleep to dream<br />She doesn't remember much of these nights<br />One day she'll tear up the horizon On Rachel's road<br />The ravin isn't far<br />You could come with me<br />If you want to feel<br />desert of books not to be read<br />But if you do you cry the same<br />Like the black doves<br />After all the grins having cut you through<br />After all the thorns having slashed you open<br />She wanted to be wide open and freed from turmoil<br />There are flowers of lies on Rachel's road<br />"Can you hurt me now? will you hurt me now? If I ask you to?"<br />When you lie down <br />The ground is hot<br />You gaze at the ceiling for hours in the dark <br />Except it's the sky the beginning of void<br />Wishing it could tumble down on you<br />So you wouldn't have to be sewed back<br />With all these things inside<br />I wish I could tell<br />On Rachel's road silences are obsessing mesmerizing<br />I wish I could tell<br />But the distance is drowing near(...)<br /><br /></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3629041155/" title="helene by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3625/3629041155_69ecaa651c.jpg" width="500" height="335" alt="helene" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3628643705/" title="Oh So GraceFool by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2433/3628643705_9924b4ca12_b.jpg" width="1024" height="499" alt="Oh So GraceFool" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3618720723/" title="Pas d'aile pas d'elle by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3554/3618720723_9674906b88.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Pas d'aile pas d'elle" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3618333097/" title="Spin and Anchor by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3625/3618333097_e8c6502a82.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Spin and Anchor" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Maybe in the world of fake she could be the one<br />Behind her mask behind her glowing dress<br />He didn't know the whore was a giver<br />Forgive her<br />How many times she would dance this way<br />Always the same right steps left steps<br />Completely poisoned and tamed<br />You try to love her<br />She leaves with no word<br />Next year for the same entrance<br />She's in trance in her bleeding world<br />Everyone want to protect her but most abuse<br />She will claim it's her right to suffer<br />Her only desire<br />Because she cannot love her<br />Fasten this little terror<br />Quiet she knows it's better to be fucked than alone<br />Ella Jane always drown to the darkest horse underwater<br />You're not Ophelia<br />Tear that dress now<br />She will cry in my arms talking about strength<br />I witness the massacre in her bleeding poppy fields<br />She cannot sleep anymore<br />She remember spreading not wanting<br />A big S on her heart<br />There are cinders glowing cinders<br />Wish I could have helped my sister<br />But she cannot realise she has given up on her own<br />I told her everything was better not to<br />And she smiles<br />The most noisy smile you've ever seen<br />You see how she will kneel when he'll ask her to leave everything<br />You're gonna leave your home<br />You're gonna kill your soul<br />This big S in the middle<br />I won't blame their testosterone shackling & their weakness<br />This time I wish you loved your self<br />only this time<br /></span><br /><br />another poem that had to be shared, hoping some sisters out there can read and perhaps decide to take the power back and to be their own.<br /><br />I often think about this, how women became half of themselves for a man, this is so sad.<br />As for these men they are so weak.<br />Their power resides only in controlling, how pathetic.<br /><br />People have to be reminded what Love is sometimes.<br />A lot of ego is taking part in painful relationship because no one really dares to give in to Love, what it merely is. The beauty of it.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3617270650/" title="Ma Petite Fleur de Sans by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3340/3617270650_aa19f29a83.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Ma Petite Fleur de Sans" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3554519722/" title="Wonderfully Childhish We're Crossing The Looking Glass by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3623/3554519722_b9235035d8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Wonderfully Childhish We're Crossing The Looking Glass" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3656726541/" title="Lullabies for her by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3654/3656726541_5dd95bc4f0.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Lullabies for her" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Another twig though springtime is gone already<br />Gabriel Gabriel sing for me lullabies for her<br />In her dreams for me <br />She's waving from the other side<br />Seraphim are holding books and taking notes<br />Filling pages of the sounds of my love tears<br />You're not there I don't even know your face<br />But in all the petals of light I wrote how much I miss you<br />Letting my heart swirls yearning for this blessing<br />Come little darling we've been waiting for thee<br />Blood roses spiralling around my china breaks<br />Lilith dances in my laces and she says<br />How pure this love can be<br />Pomegranate leaking on my chest<br />I wait for the magic to come<br />Hail all the angels<br />Impregnating my souls to the saraswati waters<br />Poetic ripples in the depths of my heart<br />Bring me my daughter!<br />I am a mother!<br />Bring me my daughter!<br />(...)</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3657520236/" title="Ma cage un petit coeur d'ailes by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2444/3657520236_83d4d1b7cf.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Ma cage un petit coeur d'ailes" /></a>Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-71610638386516644862009-05-14T12:27:00.000-07:002009-05-24T23:32:55.860-07:00Arms wide open pouring sharing welcoming abundance<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3554586680/" title="In The Name Of Kali by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3010/3554586680_461085aac6.jpg" width="410" height="500" alt="In The Name Of Kali" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/682383">You can buy my book here</a><br /><br />I've just published my very first Phoetry book in which you'll see self portraits done from 2005 to 2009.<br />A lot of new editions of old pictures, some never released nor published pictures:)<br />the same for poems.<br />It was a lot of work and I am truly feeling the excitement of giving life to something that mattered very much to me.<br />In the Name of Kali, is like the title says kinda my Ode and thanks to the Goddess Kali for having been there all the time along the years of my artist's growth.<br /><br />I hope this book will inspire other women to free themselves!<br />To go beyond patriarchy, to go further than sexism because sometimes too much feminism or disapointment in men ends up in hatred and truly I understand this.<br />Sometimes it's hard to love my Brothers!<br />A lot of things are truly disapointing but still there is no difference in a way.<br />Humanity links us all and when we all have acknowledge or yin and yang side then there is more peace, more openedness to understanding.<br /><br /><br />She truly kicked my ass so I stopped procrastinating and dared to follow my dreams, my passion and my very own artist's way!<br />so revealing and releasing!<br />I learnt a lot through the process of this book, in the making of all these self portraits along the years, the diverse inspiration and events of that times and during the creation of the book.<br /><br />I felt more and more pushed to create after my miscarriage because I had to keep working keep walking and find a way to face that trial.<br />I had to face myself and this sudden emptiness.<br />I don't feel the pain anymore I feel a lot of gratefulness for many things, this life for instance and all the love around me.<br />I adore this life, all the new inspiration, Art, sharing of souls, friendship, good food good music, hugs and kisses, my cat's purring:)<br />simple things makes me happy at the moment.<br />I value what's real.<br /><br />Anyways since my mc I truly been working much more than ever and I really was working a lot already before!<br />But I also still put things asides, tomorrow, tomorrow ya know ;)<br /><br />and one day you awake deeply suddenly and life tells you Tomorrow begins now damnit!<br />And yes it's true.<br /><br />One day at a time we can do great things.<br />Even if really a day is always too short for all my ideas.<br /><br />Last night after promoting my book at flickr, I felt it was difficult to sleep because my brain kept thinking.<br />what's next? what's next? bring it on!!!<br /><br />Kind of a mix of Goddesses like Hathor and the energy of Cerridwen.<br />I feel such a energy within.<br />Such a deep strong life force and I am willing to keep creating and sharing! It's only the beginning:)))<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3485639724/" title="en mai by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3394/3485639724_7fecfe9934.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="en mai" /></a><br /><br />Now I am collecting ideas in a journal and thinking seriously about another book:)<br />I have to keep the time to think about where I want to go.<br /><br />But I believe I am going to do a book with other female self portrait artist, not sure yet about how I will work on that.<br /><br />Still I need some kind of rest and going away so let's hope this weekend will be shiny and warm so my dear love and I can go to the sea:)<br />I miss the sea very much, I feel ressourced there, the sound of the waves, the scent of the marine air.Freedom!<br /><br />Ha! like my art, I enjoy this amazing freedom I grant myself with because it gives so much place to happy accidents or new amazing thoughts and ideas!<br /><br /><br />I am impatiently waiting Tori amos new album<br />I love May!<br />this is a beautiful month!<br />I am feeling so good inside out!<br /><br />People keep talking about Tori in such a bad and negative way as if she just had to remain young and as crazy and all as in her debuts.<br />This is so absurd!<br />And who cares about her looks? botox or not?<br />won't you ever grow old yourself?<br />It's something surely harder to live when you are in the star system somehow because you are shown and judged on your appearance come what may , people will find a way to demean you.<br /><br />I believe when you work your ass off and have done so many things along the years it's quite normal to look tired, puffy eyes and tired hair and if you can use botox and want it then why not.<br /><br />Personnally I love natural beauty and I believe in the acceptance of aging though honestly I loathe when I see the fatigue on my eyes and some white hair.<br />But I handle it, it's a part of life and as I am truly rejoicing to be at this new cycle of my woman life I feel that all this growth is also a way to deconnect with all the superficial needs of Youth.<br /><br />I love beauty.<br />I love physical beauty, it's a delight to gaze it, it's inspiration!<br />It's making me smile,it's apeasing too.<br /><br />Yet the way the soul and the brain still can impress me, the energy there is inside that keeps expanding and nurturing some purposes,it feels great to know where you're going while remembering where you're coming from.<br /><br />As for tori's beauty, she's divine to me, I don't care so much about the wrapping, anytime she speaks I feel I'm so in phase, so relating and feeling the same things.<br /><br />I totally love the fact she wrote a song as a mother for other mothers about their suffering, the economic crisis, wars and such.<br />So much that us women have to deal with.<br />Not that men dont deal with it too but we are the nurturing force and we feel it's our role, to protect, to give the food, may it be soul food or real food.<br />We have to be there, to take care,to be strong for our family.<br /><br />And our societies are trying to push us to the limits, and we come there towards the cliffs and we face our inner questions.<br />Is there more to live? how are we going to handle this?<br />A lot of women abandon themselves.<br />It s wonderful of tori to share this Hope energy through music!<br /><br />Ophelia's song sounds too very full of hopes and teaching!<br /><br />I am eager to get the cd, I surely will make a review, well perhaps!<br />can't promise things ;)<br />But I love the way the album sounds very calm, apeasing, in the chaos of the world,all the hatred, violence, crisis everywhere,the alarming state of Earth that everyone tranquilly deny everyday...it's such a shame!<br />I still feel powerless about how to protect Gaia.<br />I do what I can on my side but there surely are many things we could do<br />It's often a financial issue in the end which is a lie too because people could also find ways to earn money with ecology and protecting the planet!<br /><br /><br />Latest paintings(had to focuse on the book so not that much new work to share):<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3512812857/" title="Pleure ma Belle, the faery dust of your tears is going to show you the way by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3567/3512812857_6552b7b233_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="Pleure ma Belle, the faery dust of your tears is going to show you the way" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3513603970/" title="How many more excuses are you going to hide in the knots of your hair Sister, Chop them off! Choose life now! by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3659/3513603970_fed0ea91c0_m.jpg" width="179" height="240" alt="How many more excuses are you going to hide in the knots of your hair Sister, Chop them off! Choose life now!" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3472360795/" title="Rainbow Baby Blessed By The Flowers Of April by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3315/3472360795_9fff76ee5e.jpg" width="347" height="500" alt="Rainbow Baby Blessed By The Flowers Of April" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3476816020/" title="Once A Fae Child Mother Always A Fae Child Mother by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3383/3476816020_1c55f27e3a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Once A Fae Child Mother Always A Fae Child Mother" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3510713770/" title="Reine des anges by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3405/3510713770_a6e82dbdb5.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Reine des anges" /></a><br /><br />I haven't been taking much pictures lately, of course I was too busy with the book and the e-courses:)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I so hope to have enough students to celebrate the beginning of June with art, imagination, freedom of creativity and the energy of the Goddesses!</span><br /><br /><a href="http://musecoachingfae.livejournal.com/profile"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Muse coaching fae</span></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3518394692/" title="It never fails by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3661/3518394692_9ce3221227.jpg" width="500" height="499" alt="It never fails" /></a><br /><br /><i>Love is patient, love is kind.<br />It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.<br />It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.<br />It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.<br />Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.<br />It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.<br />Love never fails.</i><br /> Corinthians 13:4-8(Bible)<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3517536797/" title="LOVE IS... by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3544/3517536797_976fb213c2.jpg" width="500" height="499" alt="LOVE IS..." /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3475925505/" title="Miss Lilah Sans Heurt by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3309/3475925505_72f39a3085.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Miss Lilah Sans Heurt" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3472438021/" title="Angelene's box of dreams by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3553/3472438021_503f9139f6.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Angelene's box of dreams" /></a><br /><br />well it's a very random post, as usual, even more cuz it s getting late and my eyes cant focuse much on the screen <br />ha! cant wait for the weekend!<br /><br />Hope everyone is feeling good<br />:)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-32332427034049030942009-05-04T23:28:00.001-07:002009-05-04T23:32:46.278-07:00Awakening of your inner muses and true self, let's dance in the creative healing circus!<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3496926610/" title="You just got to believe by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3407/3496926610_493fef739b_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="You just got to believe" /></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3496124201/" title="And I dreamt the whole world was pink by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3615/3496124201_3c75c0bef2_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="And I dreamt the whole world was pink" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://musecoachingfae.livejournal.com/profile">Muse coaching fae</a><br /><br />I am offering e-courses as a Muse coach for women interested in reconnecting themselves to the goddesses and using creative healing to feel more in touch with their soul and their true essence.<br />the courses will be every week for a month about spiritual journey,art prompts and creative self portrait challenge.<br /><br />feel free to have a look.<br /><br />The classes should begin at the end of May till the end of June if I have enough students to start with.<br />so if you're interested, feel free to ask questions(via emails)and let me know.<br /><br /><br /><br />Blessed be!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-50315693392570539862009-04-24T01:53:00.001-07:002009-04-24T03:30:33.501-07:00Once A Fae Child Mother Always A Fae Child MotherI want to believe we all do the best we can.<br /><br />To show we care.<br />To help others.<br />To show empathy.<br />To offer some kind help/words.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3468489596/" title="Once A Fae Child Mother Always A Fae Child Mother by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3521/3468489596_45755f0370.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Once A Fae Child Mother Always A Fae Child Mother" /></a><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tXFm5dpHLKY&hl=fr&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tXFm5dpHLKY&hl=fr&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I love " almost rosey"<br />this is the way life is most of the time when we accept all the pain we can go through, somehow perhaps we have to go through these pains to understand, to keep learning and growing as spiritual individual.<br /><br />I always try my best to improve my humanity, to listen more, to developpe my understanding and empathy and yet at times it's true it's very heavy.<br /><br />Not as if I was carrying the pain of the world on my shoulders, I have moved on from that thought.<br /><br />Maybe sometimes in the confusion of feeling too much empathy we have to keep on carrying love and receiving Hope.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3467839416/" title="Beheaded Human suffering by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3558/3467839416_1822eff409.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Beheaded Human suffering" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3462992302/" title="Never give up on your Soul by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3592/3462992302_0249867926.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Never give up on your Soul" /></a><br /><br />I believe in that.<br />we cannot give up on our dreams or then where's the fun?<br />I remember having been told to live in a wonderland being too dreamy but this is what has taken me there, where I am and truly I am grateful to myself that I've kept dreaming, that I have not denied or abandonned my self, my inner Fae child.<br /><br />It's important not to betray yourself.<br /><br />I am always wanting to be more sincere, more honest ,fair to the soul I am in deep.<br />Sometimes I know I am awkward in my expression I even surely sound bitchy and all, I am just passionate, I give my all to everything I do.<br /><br />I always want to understand if I think it's important, or if I care.<br /><br />I am very emo today,not sad.<br />I kinda hurt for others more than myself, because I have mourned my loss.<br /><br />I am not into going to that "oh please pity me I lost my baby" kind of behaviour.<br />I even feel ill at ease now receiving message of empathy about this because I am okay with it.<br />I have walked the path of acceptance, I have listened to my sisters of pain who have been through the same or even worse from my point of view.<br /><br />But I don't want this to be forgotten.<br />People can do what they want like nothing happened.<br />It's true my body is back to thin, it's like nothing happened.<br />But I have that tiny stretch mark on my thigh and it's a sweet melancholic reminder.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />I have been a mother and so I'll always be.</span><br />That's why I did that colorful pixie fae picture on top :)<br />It brougth me a huge smile on my face.<br />It's a picture I took last december though and I was not pregnant yet at that time.<br /><br />But I edited it yesterday and felt a lot of joy in this.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Remembering the good feelings about being pregnant</span> and how everytime I had some kind of worries, may it be financial or else, I smiled because what matters truly was this life growing inside me.<br /><br />I am feeling so much better since my last post.<br />I sleep better, I have strange dreams at night, many dreams.<br /><br />I believe I do feel I receive as much energy as I'm giving right now and it often makes me emo.<br />Empathy is wonderful,such a powerful feeling, I so need to see more empaths around me, I so need to see other human beings who cares to share their light , who care to do just a little thing for another sometimes.<br /><br />I believe in simple things like the power of a smile.<br />Yeah you can call me naive.<br />I sometimes laugh at myself lately and tell me how boring I must sound with all that spiritual growth lately and that positive thinking philosophy.<br /><br />It is just that I do believe in this firmly.<br /><br />My miscarriage somehow awoken other pains of my life, past wounds that perhaps needed more stitches.<br />I feel better.<br />I can smile again.<br />I can laugh.<br />I am blessed and grateful for the energy I receive, whatever it may be!<br />mail in my letterbox is a true blessings.<br />I'm writing letters now and then, I don't want to suffer the pressure of penpalling like I used to.<br />I want it to be fun, to write to share deep thoughts and daily routine, to connect to a soul in the paper and to create another kind of friendship!<br /><br />It is beautiful! letters still brigten my day!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Thank you</span>♥♥♥<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3459749402/" title="To the beauty of my sisters of Light by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3594/3459749402_9115bd84c0.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="To the beauty of my sisters of Light" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3458935007/" title="To the beauty of my sisters of Light by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3550/3458935007_c7a407a39a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="To the beauty of my sisters of Light" /></a><br /><br />I have began to paint smiles.<br />I did give a try to that last year but I'm not so good at painting Bliss because well perhaps I believe rare are the people who derive joy from yours, this saddens me a lot.<br />Because as much as I share the sorrow of another I do derive so much joy from others happiness and more if they are close ones!<br />and God I love that feeling!<br />It's deep,it's energy again!<br /><br />This is also why it's fantastic to see our loved ones happy, we get energised by this.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3429358618/" title="Plutôt mourir que de ne pas vivre by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3399/3429358618_801156757e.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="Plutôt mourir que de ne pas vivre" /></a><br />that painting to me sums up what I have always thought about life, it's better to die than not to live, which means to me, that ok maybe with time I will more and more accept the fact that there is death, we have to be separate from our loved ones for a time, maybe it's only time...<br />maybe we do meet again.<br /><br />I have no certainty about after life, I believe in something else but still searching and reading about these things.<br />I am very intrigued about Past lives at the moment.<br /><br />digression sorry, so I meant that okay we're gonna die, but we do have this Blessings to be here, to have had this life.<br />Why on Earth dont we make the best of it?<br />I wonder?<br /><br />I value life because I know all the percents about a pregnancy turning into a miscarriage, and how we need so many parametres for a life to grow and to be healthy.<br />Of course I also believe in some kind of Destiny so somehow I could say but it was destiny that things happen the way they do.<br /><br />I am very part or perhaps it is balanced with my faith and what I learn about science/biology and things like that.<br />Sometimes I think it's very strange for a girl of Faith like me to be so intrigued to learn about scientific things, about the universe, space, biochemistry and all.<br />I am fascinated by learning, it does not decrease my Faith in God/Goddess.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3437620379/" title="The healer & the satin voodoo dolls' poetic revolution by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3388/3437620379_b783111307.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="The healer & the satin voodoo dolls' poetic revolution" /></a><br /><br />The healer & the satin voodoo dolls' poetic revolution<br /><br />I love the strength in her gaze, she is determined, she knows how to find the wisdom in her wounds.<br />I dont know why she makes me think of Emily dickinson maybe the fact the frame takes us to older times and her dress is old fashioned too.<br /><br />She believes in the poetic revolution, I believe in this too.<br /><br />Sometimes people think I'm anarchist, rebel or communist.<br /><br />I am not very interested in politics, I am sometimes trying to listen for the culture, not to be totally out of it, but I'm a bit lost.<br />I think it's all about power and though I kinda love power what is important to know,is what is your power? and how to use it?<br /><br />A lot of people use their power listening to the ego and it does not work for the best.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3443701847/" title="You are never alone in the night of your soul by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3400/3443701847_7e27bfee70_m.jpg" width="240" height="240" alt="You are never alone in the night of your soul" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3444534152/" title="I have gone back dreaming by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3396/3444534152_9ea2639899.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="I have gone back dreaming" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vnQSfJu8Hs">I can't change video</a><br /><br />How much I love this song.<br />This is true.<br />Nothing can stop or change me , I mean the depths of my identity, the soul I am and my purpose in life, my reasons to be down here, my wanting to help others, to give something and believing in this does show me great results.<br />I smile at those little things.<br />It's often a drop in the ocean.<br />I don't care.<br /><br />Whenever I reach a soul and bring a smile on a face well it's just wonderful.<br />I feel so united and human, I belong me the secluded loner ;)<br /><br />I am not feeling so lonely lately, I have too much on my mind, many ideas,many things to do,art, photos,poems, ideas for my e-courses<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3455681795/" title="The Lights of Epiphany In the darkest Night of the Soul by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3557/3455681795_435c494783.jpg" width="500" height="496" alt="The Lights of Epiphany In the darkest Night of the Soul" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3465147225/" title="The Shamanic Rebirth by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3489/3465147225_7753d557d2_m.jpg" width="236" height="240" alt="The Shamanic Rebirth" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3465981640/" title="Keep Sharing your Light the Universe will Answer by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3508/3465981640_1c2bcceeca.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Keep Sharing your Light the Universe will Answer" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sometimes I wonder if everything I offer to the world makes sense for anyone, and I don't really need an answer.<br />It makes sense to me.<br /><br />My last post was not of the taste of everybody.<br />I didn't want to sound rude with the "jerk", I was just angry and tired of unsensitive behaviours when someone lose their baby.<br />I just have a very hard time to understand why we cannot just say a simple " I am sorry" instead of uttering mere bullshit that are unecessary in a time of huge sorrow?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3427799741/" title="Cross my line you can never reach me by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3567/3427799741_97bb70828c.jpg" width="500" height="332" alt="Cross my line you can never reach me" /></a><br /><br />Only 6 days to wait for the vulture to came<br />do you get enough<br />show me that hard on<br />when you see my blood<br />You can cross my line but never reach me<br /><br />He feels so cut under<br />wishful thinking to annihilate my Sacred Feminine<br />While I am still standing with ribbons of lava<br />and the shreds of my heart<br /><br />I lost my baby and all you care is to teach me privacy<br />I know seclusion<br />I won't ask permission<br />to be me<br /><br />You know some men wrote that book<br />some men wrote that book<br />bleeding mysogynism how can you love yourself<br />Go tear a page and write something for you to live<br />So that you don't have to rip from mine to feel<br />It takes courage to heal<br /><br />Prince of dimness<br />All you know is how to be completely offensive<br />breaking in when you're clearly uninvited<br />Yet I am sure you were fascinated watching at my ass<br />craving for some attention back honey<br /><br />too bad I'm so sorry<br />I only care for the vulnerable men who don't tell me<br />the dress I should wear<br />the book I should read<br />Do you know who the real men are<br /><br />You kept lashing out at people claiming you know what was better for them<br />didn' you<br />you surely know what's better for me<br />Wanna teach me to be beautiful and to shut my big mouth<br />I believe it's too late man<br />let Pele burn your God complexe<br /><br />You surely need a woman to look after you<br />You cannot penetrate my world you feel so small<br /><br />I'll ever fight for the words that need to be said that needs to be written<br />I believe now we can let the succubi take care of your dreams<br />if you ever have any<br />I can't believe you ever had any<br />You wouldn't have to read my every steps and misteps if you even had a life<br />my empathy little darling that must be such a worse ordeal to be thee(...) </span><br /><br />****<br />yes indeed my poem is strong.<br />It's a mix of Sekmet and Kali influence ;)<br />and I do believe it's good sometimes to assert your soul and not let another person tell you what you should do.<br /><br />I am deeply independent(doesn't imply I don't need love or I want to live on my own, I love humanity and I am quite blessed to live with my sebastien)<br /><br />I quite know that asserting my feminine power , my will and strong spine makes people want to call me bitch.<br /><br />Like I have said once I am truly ok with this.<br />What people can say about me is none of my business.<br />Plus as an artist I don't need to be understood.<br />I don't care, for I know my work will be misinterpreted and people will always confuse the artist and the woman, and sometimes the line between expression and imagination is so thin that it's so difficult to find out.<br /><br />It may happen , then it's great!<br />Is it so important anyways?<br />can we just take art for what it offers?<br />light, philosophy, new way of thinking, emotions, understanding etc.<br /><br />art is a cheer up in the world, art is way to fight the paralysis of despair where our societies take us, I totally agree with tori amos on this.<br /><br />As a woman I care to see my loved ones try to understand me but it's ok if they dont get all about the artist.<br />As an artist I don't need to be loved for everything I do, I don't need people to love everything I do.<br />I am fine with this.<br /><br />I don't love everything I do either.<br />smile.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3467443825/" title="Yes it's true I've let them call me Blissful poison because I am a woman & I loved to play with Indecency but I know all the sugar I have spread the seeds of Light I have sown by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3532/3467443825_f8577f06e8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Yes it's true I've let them call me Blissful poison because I am a woman & I loved to play with Indecency but I know all the sugar I have spread the seeds of Light I have sown" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3467851312/" title="nobody nothing can stop them by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3498/3467851312_4be45811db.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="nobody nothing can stop them" /></a><br />People are easily afraid of the Power of Goddess Kali.<br />But to me her energies has helped me big time to move on from my lethargy and lack of self confidence, or increase of self doubts.<br /><br />I love Kali very much.<br />I love that kind of energy.<br />I do admire strong women a lot.<br />does not make me less sensitive.<br />I am far from cold.I am burning with Passion for Life!<br />I cry easily before movies...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3465334427/" title="Strange by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3579/3465334427_79e6556a5a.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Strange" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3458778946/" title="Equanimity by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3547/3458778946_6daac429a8.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Equanimity " /></a><br /><br />I have so much to say lately, so many words wanting to be written, said,shared, offered.<br />Sometimes it just goes beyond me, it runs out of my soul and I just let go.<br />I understand so much.<br />I never imply I know it all or have lived it all, so far!<br />that would be preposterous and honestly I know that kind of people, I don't really like them.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3441691676/" title="It means nothing at all by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3332/3441691676_8e1be03e31.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="It means nothing at all" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3441451106/" title="Pour those rivers over my dead body by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3342/3441451106_6a94d0a266.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Pour those rivers over my dead body" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FsEcsdlz1rI&hl=fr&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FsEcsdlz1rI&hl=fr&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />(this song was so synchro with what happened to me, felt a solace in this,it'll be our song for ever now.)<br /><br />I am sorry<br />the rivers are upside down<br />a flower fall<br />hard to perceive<br />blue bird songs<br />only a tiny bud<br />between wood<br />no lianas can solace<br />my fragmented soul<br />today is<br />one more day<br />I cannot cry<br />holding on<br />only walls and doors around me<br />corridors<br />gloom<br />my world is upside down<br />I am so alone<br />in this everlasting pain<br />no one will ever comprehend</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3440477755/" title="私の子供がいるところ by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3637/3440477755_658e0bb8af.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="私の子供がいるところ" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">behind the veil<br />watery memories<br />I hear my broken voice<br />"where is my baby"<br />In the red pool<br />I've got to pull over<br />my heart machine's got a leak<br />eerie sounds<br />my prayers can't be heard<br />in the din of my soul<br />caving in<br />maybe my arms are just too thin<br />to hold your little soul<br />maybe my arms are too thin<br />it should have been a breath<br />a tiny flickering energy<br />it should have had more pages<br />I still had so many words<br />the rest of the world cannot hear this<br />my mother tongue<br />is undeciphering<br />there are blanks and fogs in every words<br />tear the blue sky by the window<br />"where is my baby"<br />my springtime days give ways to winter<br />I'm freezing cold<br />I am dressed with iciles<br />dark trees growing from my bleeding heart<br />did her little soul drown <br />because I couldn't provide her wings<br />my spirit sinks<br />a little each miles<br />away from you<br />I want to swim<br />entangled in my silent screams<br />too many corpses<br />in the book of my seas<br />I cut my hair<br />do you need my eyes now<br />why so much sacrifice <br />to hold you in my arms</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmLSdpKg4yk&feature=related">music by Bel canto inspired by the melancholic fairy tale the story of a mother</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3440417363/" title="Loneliest path to somewhere Safe by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3646/3440417363_b3a4ba45b1.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Loneliest path to somewhere Safe" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Heading to somewhere safe<br />I remember walking in the sand<br />Saraswati ripples <br />inside me<br />and the colorful screen<br />got switch off<br />As the clouds were bleeding<br />my heart<br />it pours <br />all the sweetest songs<br />all the sunbeams<br />I crawled to the rock garden<br />eating pebbles on my way<br />It's been raining for centuries<br />old palace<br />how can I sing this song now<br />how can I<br />losing my last feather<br />muddy ballerina<br />where is my cherry swirl<br />old palace<br />Even her foot steps make no noise<br />Emptiness wants to come to my shore<br />but nothing can compete<br />the flows of her eyes<br />show me the way<br />Loneliest path<br />slashed wings<br />I still can walk<br />can you believe it<br />chin up<br />even a loan of smiles<br />each day<br />his arms carry me<br />I still can walk<br />towards the void<br />on her horizon<br />loneliest path<br />to somewhere safe<br />Now that my dream stars<br />has been all torn apart<br />Now that my dream lights<br />has been switch off</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3437623230/" title="kitties by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3364/3437623230_e4b0f02d4d.jpg" width="500" height="333" alt="kitties" /></a><br /><br />this is me as a little girl travelling in Turkey( by car with my family and friends)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3431941550/" title="new hair cut by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3333/3431941550_7dba56b472.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="new hair cut" /></a><br /><br />and this is my new haircut, kinda destroyed ^___^;;<br />very asymetrical, I like it very much.<br />It made us feel better to go to the hairdresser one week after the mc.<br />It was like a way to rebuild, to feel pretty again,to feel feminine again,to reconnect,to take care of myself.<br /><br />I thank the hairdresser very much, she was Awesome!<br />**********<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3448994903/" title="To Your Martyrdom by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3552/3448994903_0e221b692f.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="To Your Martyrdom" /></a><br /><br />I read<br />I cannot decipher it all<br />But I read<br />I hear you sisters brothers<br />They all compare the stains<br />My blood is darker<br /><br />Is this the new Elite baby<br />wake up<br />Please<br />How can you serve yourself <br />to the cocroaches<br /><br />I know it hurts<br />I know we're so alone<br />miles of betrayals<br />moutains of abandons<br />how many knives on my back<br /><br />Don't you see you bury yourself<br />In the land of victimhood<br />Now who's betraying yourself<br />Now who's abandonning yourself<br /><br />Breathe between the dots<br />Sisters<br />brothers<br />I never claim it would be easy<br />it's so easier not to<br />much easier not to<br /><br />We know we could all give up<br />Paralyzing anguish<br />oceans of disorders<br />nights in tears and cuts<br /><br />As a mother I can understand<br />but what are the hugs worth<br />if the words promotes your martyrdom<br />Burn that victim sign<br />rise again<br />remember your strength<br />we won't build a New Age on this<br />We won't create a Revolution on this<br /><br />it's time to evolve<br />Learn to evolve<br />or stop blaming the world for your terrorist<br />you know who has given up<br /><br />Rise again<br />wire back to your pride<br />dig deeper<br />believe<br />"I will escape from this all"<br /><br />♥♥♥<br /><br />I posted this somewhere else and felt like sharing, may it can help those who need to receive some positive energies.<br /><br /><lj-embed id="2"><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FrvC6bezy7g&hl=fr&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FrvC6bezy7g&hl=fr&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></lj-embed><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I believe. but only if you allow yourself to believe too and to decide it's time to heal, time to decide what you want to live and what you don't want, time to change your self loathing and self destructive behaviour.<br /><br />You've all heard this. No one can love you if you don't love yourself.<br />This is a very hard task sometimes especially if we've been hurt,abused,unloved etc during infancy,childhood or teen age.<br /><br />I believe Past is past. Of course it does make you be the person you are.<br />What do you want to be NOW?<br />this is the important question.<br /><br />You can begin one day at a time.<br />Or you can forever wear your "I'm a victim sign" and feel you belong to some kind of underground new community, this is alas the sad world we're in.<br />We're intoxicated by many things.<br /><br />Have you forgotten your own essence?<br />can there be anything deeper inside you?<br /><br />you can escape from it all,or better said (because I dont believe in escapism) you can grow spiritually and find all the wisdom in your wounds.<br />It's not an easy path, life is not easy at all.<br /><br />But if you begin slowly to accept the blessings to be there maybe you can begin to heal.<br /><br />I am not saying you don't have the right to vent, mourn, feel sad or sorry for yourself,be angry and so forth.<br />A lot of very unfair things happen everyday.<br />You may feel very lonely but you're definetly not alone in this if you believe.<br />and I am not only talking about some God.<br /><br />I am not religious, neither am I a doctor or a therapist.<br />I just firmly believe in the power of our soul.<br />If only we could see all the beauty inside us and share all the thing we are with others, doing little things, like smiling to a person in the streets who seems lonely or sad, or just comforting someone in need ,listening to a friend in need,taking of animals in shelters, doing things to protect our planets and things like that... maybe little by little we could feel we belong somehow instead of staying paralyzed by the despair all around us.<br /><br />I do know this life is not easy.<br />I've had my share of pain, even recently... but this has increased my faith in Life and in Humanity.<br /><br />I know anything is possible when we go for it.<br />Don't you still have dreams to fight for?<br />Aren't you too young to die?<br />Don't you want to keep searching for all your reasons to be there?<br /><br />I am sorry if I bother anyone with this sharing.<br /><br />I just wanted to send everyone who's feeling helpless, hopeless and totally depressed today some message of Hopes and positive energies***<br /><br />May you all feel better."</span><br /><br />Namasté & love the one you're with, and your friends and family! keep on sharing your spark!Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1772601100788880462.post-54310915090119809462009-04-08T23:59:00.000-07:002009-04-09T00:56:39.995-07:00things not to say to somebody who's just had a miscarriage, learn you jerks!At the community babycenter.com I have found this so I am copying and pasting it for the people who still need to learn a lot to become Real Human Beings.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3414387167/" title="I shouldn't have been that painting by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3414/3414387167_90b88158cf.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="I shouldn't have been that painting" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss: <br /><br />A letter from women to their friends and family <br />by Elizabeth Soutter Schwarzer <br />I assert no copyright for the material. Please use it as you see fit to help women who have endured this terrible grief. Thank you. <br /><br /><br />Date: Sat, 23 Mar 2002<br /><br />When women experience the loss of a child, one of the first things they discover they have in common is a list of things they wish no one had ever said to them. The lists tend to be remarkably similar. The comments are rarely malicious - just misguided attempts to soothe. <br /><br />This list was compiled as a way of helping other people understand pregnancy loss. While generated by mothers for mothers, it may also apply similarly to the fathers who have endured this loss. <br />When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope. <br /><br />-Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible. <br /><br />-Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out. <br /><br />-Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children. <br /><br />-Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father? <br /><br />-Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her. <br /><br />-Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours. <br /><br />-Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age. <br /><br />-Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently. <br /><br />-Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me. <br /><br />-Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone. <br /><br />- Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine. <br /><br />-Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen. <br /><br />-Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter. <br /><br />-Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that. <br /><br />-Do say, "I have lighted a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby."<br /><br />-Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond.<br /><br />-Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. "</span><br /><br />I found this list fantastic and anyone jerks or not could use a read to have a better empathy.<br />Even myself I could learn and also some made me smile with cynism.like the one with the mother who dies and then you can be grateful you still have a father.<br />It shows how absurd some words can be right?<br /><br />I do know how hard it is anyways to put yourself in others' shoes, we wish we could do something.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3414678753/" title="Goodbye April by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3395/3414678753_9b64792418.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Goodbye April" /></a><br /><br />I try myself also to support other women who have recently miscarried, but I cannot imagine how they feel, I mean every pain is different, every baby lost is unique and it's a part of our history, how we lived our pregnancy, how much it was wanted and so forth...<br /><br />Anyways I have receive lots of support in these past days and it has helped me to cope.<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3417889512/" title="It's Such a Beautiful Day Not To Live by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3617/3417889512_d8120e462b.jpg" width="354" height="500" alt="It's Such a Beautiful Day Not To Live" /></a><br /><br />I am walking ahead one day at a time, grieving,not crying everyday, my art helps me big time, my friends are wonderful.<br />I guess if I truly felt lonely unheard and without any one to listen I would break down.<br />But I do feel the love and I am grateful, thank you all so very much!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3421018415/" title="Elle Saigne Autant qu'Elle Aime by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3641/3421018415_9f9159c7cc.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="Elle Saigne Autant qu'Elle Aime" /></a><br /><br />strangely enough, this painting came to me on her own.<br />I had this Love card offered by a soul sister, just right before me on my desk and I felt okay.<br />I never thought I could paint a naked woman, I thought about it many times but never gave it a try, and here it just came to me, easily.<br />It gave me a lot of strength when it was complete.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3398712306/" title="running up that hill for amazing new thoughts by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3614/3398712306_0d9b56a07f.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="running up that hill for amazing new thoughts" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3414812932/" title="What they see about her by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3336/3414812932_3d788bc594.jpg" width="500" height="288" alt="What they see about her" /></a><br /><br />Time time it's only time<br />but the hands are piercing my heart and tearing my butterflies one by one<br />I barely recognize her face in the mirror<br />Is she gone <br />with her pretty eyes so empty and dark<br />A book graveyard in the depths of her gaze<br />she crossed the seas and desert she's all made of broken parts<br />nobody can play with me anymore<br />strangest season<br />cruellest springtime fucking sore lie<br />It's written on her pillow<br />"you never know Pain till the next"<br />On the marble my tears keeps writing<br />"I am so sorry"<br />*******************************<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3414305035/" title="Explosion of words in a bleeding sky by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3656/3414305035_7d3cec7775.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="Explosion of words in a bleeding sky" /></a><br /><br />it's only time my darling<br />like a garlands of tick tock weeping away<br />smiling away<br />I have to focuse on the tiny shadow of your red shoe dancing in the light <br />to keep my sanity<br />I'll be a sleepwalker <br />heading on the tightrope<br />not a safety net not even a mask<br />Go ask April why I feel so disabled<br />She keeps saying it did not happen<br /> did not happen to me<br /><br />And<br />how long could the void grow inside me<br />feels so ashamed while the sky bleeds<br />Explosion of words I'm still with you<br />I feel you're already without me<br />you just never made it<br />bleeding fountain of sorries<br /><br />(...)<br />*********************************<br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/electricache/3420108289/" title="collapse gently little spirit by Ma Sorcière, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3407/3420108289_e37a4a455c.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="collapse gently little spirit" /></a><br /><br />These injuries like layers of slashed stars planting their sharp point in my heart<br />I am still walking baby<br />still walking<br />each foot leave their blood spots<br />nothing will ever sound sweetly romantic<br />I numb the wings I numb the machine<br />wires keep bleeding sounds I cannot decipher<br />please leave her alone when you hear this siren<br />leave her alone<br />collapse gentle little spirit<br />Am I still on the ground<br />They keep telling me you're so thin skinny darling<br />I swear I don't lie this time my dress was white<br />full of white love the purest kind<br />I can swear to God how much I love<br />In my mental screen it keeps printing you should hate me now<br />you'd rather hate me you'd rather avoid me now<br />I am cut below <br />I swim with fatigue in this dirty realm of heamoglobin<br />Did I give birth to a violet coffin<br />I want to vomit as soon as I see the sunlight in the morning<br />All these hellish noises creeps to my beds at night<br />I cannot believe I am belonging to this book anymore<br />Did I give birth to a pretty velvet tomb<br />(...)<br />*****************************************************************<br />I am still very exhausted but it's also because Insomnia bitch is back and I cannot help my brain to keep thinking, wondering, trying to find ways to heal.<br /><br />But soon it's Easter time so I hope my parents will be caring and considerate enough to bring me some chocolate!<br />what? you didn't send me even a card for my bday not even a gift! It was fucking important I turned 30!<br />why did I have to feel forgotten at such a turning point in a woman's life?<br /><br />argh. yeah. I get angry at silly things like that.<br />My hormones are all over the place too.<br />fatigue does not help.<br /><br />I know they are not careless, they phoned me on my special days, but I wish I had received a card it was important to me, like they did for my 25 years old.<br />some dates are important that's all.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">When I'll have children, I know they'll get a card each birthday, because I fucking care, because they'll be my heart!</span><br /><br />In fact many people forgot to send me a card...I know it's just an attention but well it means a lot to me, surely because it reminds me all the time I am forgotten or I've been forgotten.<br />But I just focused on the ones who celebrated with me.<br /><br />My emotions are strange at the moment.<br />I can be very sweet with a deeper empathy and forgive the ones who've hurt me.<br />Then I can be angry at stupid meaningless things just because it has a deeper hidden meaning to me.<br />I am feeling disconnected at times.<br />like my head has been chopped off.<br /><br />but the muses are here, dancing around me,kissing me, embracing me with light and love. so are the angels.<br /><br />Girls from the choirgirl hotel has ever been one of my favorite album by tori amos, though I do love most of them.<br />it's the album that made me discover and want to know her more.<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bv3bqMGMpxk&hl=fr&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bv3bqMGMpxk&hl=fr&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Well I know we're dying<br />And there's no sign of a parachute<br />In this Chapel<br />Little chapel of love<br />Can't we get a little grace<br />And some elegance<br />No we scream in cathedrals<br />Why can't it be beautiful<br />Why does there<br />Gotta be a sacrifice </span><br />(tori amos)<br />singing also helps me, music lulls and carries my soul.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOLHa3bdk6s">operator</a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Isn't that the way they say it goes<br />But let's forget all that<br />And give me the number if you can find it<br />So i can call just to tell them i'm fine and to show<br />I've overcome the blow<br />I've learned to take it well<br />I only wish my words could just convince myself<br />That it just wasn't real<br />But that's not the way it feels<br /><br />Operator, oh could you help me place this call<br />'cause i can't read the number that you just gave me<br />There's something in my eye's<br />You know it happens every time<br />I think about the love that i thought would save me</span><br />(Jim Croce)Hélène Deroubaixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04599807193628120984noreply@blogger.com6