samedi 22 décembre 2007

I'm not into xmas but still Thank you so much my dearest friends!

I am lucky that undeniable!^_____^
so in spite of all worries and emotional turmoils I've experienced lately I can feel my gratitude!
Yay!
I am so very happy and touched!
I got several xmas cards along this week,thank you all so much!
I also got fabulous xmas gifts that truly made my day!

ah! Yes I love gifts and surprises, always so touching and cheering:-)
especially the heartfelt ones, so thank you so much my dear friends!
gives me 10 years old again to open packages ^-^

I should also received cool things from my amazon wishlist, goddess oracles cards, rumi books because I adore Rumi <3
ah poetry and quotes!

welcome... at your own risks

Breathing my beloved in...

The days I feel good in my skin in my soul being me, I can smile, create more freely,carelessless,without worrying, without needing empty approvals...I enjoy that kind of immense freedom I can allow to myself sometimes!



I've had a Kate bush day :) it was good, I love when people say I sometimes look kinda like her, It's someone I admire:)

wuthering heights  version 1.0"How could you leave me when I needed to possess you?"

wuthering heights version 1.1 ' like my jealousy too hot too greedy..."



Oh I really love working on squared pictures!

And this is not & you are not but...
I love how super tall I look on that picture!cool!

Caress every ache...
yes It's a confession I am in love with Photoshop ^___^<3<3



Retouching photos,helps adding emotions,give more power to the expression,make it more artistic and creative,deeper,crazier,it depends on what you want to say but it's a big freedom!

nothing left to say

I must say I kinda love the energies of the emotion of anger.
There is so much creativity generated in this.
I can't explain.
I used to be anger's slave^-^ahah that was rather funny...
but you know depression, mood swings and all, anger is the lot!

Now I do tame and rarely let myself get damaged or manipulated by this emotion because then I know there is something wrong and I am not me anymore,not following my own philosophy,my own ideas and what I prone...
Oh I don't prone living in denial!
I think people who can't express their anger because they think it s bad and will hurt another are sick and unhealthy!
any emotions has to be expressed to clean the dirt inside.

But I know if anger can really capture me, then there is something wrong and at that moment, I have to breathe deeply,slow down and take some distance, think twice,stay away, and clean my mind, my thinking to understand...

La noirSoeur des flâmes...

Haunting
I also played with a beautiful picture of a dear friend.

I got a fascination for faceless pictures,the surrealism and the place for imagination in this, the soulful weirdness of it...

but in truth here she still has a mouth,but no eyes, so she still can speak
I do feel we don't need to see, we dont need the eyes to speak express so much of what we feel,sense,understand,capture...fleeting thoughts, make believe...

a little improv after this picture:

Little satin spirits under the silky white velvet
We're all haunted by a thousands dangling luminescence
Some solitudes are so heavy in the lost woods
We read mystic reminiscence in the pool of our tears
And how we feel so safe when transparent dwelling in quiet lonely landslides(...)


Goodbye

I had a real good time playing with that one ^_^
I was rather plain on that picture at the basis
was really ordinary,nothing so interesting, but I wanted to have a strange austerous expression
finally with the photoshop process it looked more bitter, angry or at least very cold.
music

Close the too heavy book now
Oh I can't breathe with all this dust
How can I carry so much waves in the Ocean of Empathy
Did I choose all these drowning after all
ah the last page how good it feels when things just die at the End
So gently so lightly
fleeting thoughts still swaying in the air
but I'm not crawling anymore
I know I can not take it all on my frayed wings
so goodbye goodbye beauty
farewell light and dancing fairies in gardens of ethereality
goodbye goodbye my tiny happy whirling ghosts
goodbye devourous ravens & sybilline migraines
goodbye loving vampires & rapturous cruelty
I feel your hands dragging my feet
I can't go there
I say farewell to the unravelled dolls and the porcelain smiles
goodbye goodnight sleep well sleep tight
I have hundreds of other galaxies where to lie(...)

OK I'll have more to blog about tomorrow hopefully if I can find the time! busy me!
Many bright blessings everyone, be well, be inspired & share your spark!

mercredi 19 décembre 2007

Passionate soul forever with a Lust for Life!

8 Things I Am Passionate About
- Life
- My loved ones
- Art
- The Sacred Feminine
- Imagination
- Loving kindness
- Words
- knowledge/philosophy


8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

- Create an harmonious & so loving family home (2 or 3 maybe 4 children...let's dream)
- Visit India and Nepal
- meet loved ones who lives away
- have exhibitions of my work( photography and art)
- Publish a book
- find a way to be more organized to do more things & always live more
- feel balanced & proud of the things I have(it happens but it never lasts)
- Help others and have positive impact in people's life

8 Things I Say Often
- fuck!(=putain! in french)
- Oh my!
- j'adore!
- thank you
- I think
- I don't know
- why not
- I ache, I'm cold, I'm tired( complaining girl;)

8 Books I Have Recently Read
I don't read regularly...I am just reading poetry here and there, and still reading my tori amos book,very slow, lazy reader...I can't explain because I love book just rarely take the time for them...I'm a mean friend to them.


8 Songs I Could Listen To Over and Over Again

- sirene by Tori Amos
- Mermaid by Molly zenobia
- 9 crimes by damien rice
- wuthering heights by Kate Bush
- joga by bjork
- every you & every me by Placebo
- hurt by NIN
- mornixuur by Bel canto

8 Things That Attract Me To My Best Friends

- Open-mindedness
- genuine warm kindness
- their passionate soul
- soul connection
- honesty
- positive thinking/sharing lights
- that they want to know share interact
- Generosity of heart(giving time and caring)


I don't tag anyone, but feel free to do it and share your answers:-)

jeudi 13 décembre 2007

Oh Passion I am your devotee...

“The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment.”
santiz
Earl Nightingale

O Passion I am your Devotee
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

Carl W. Buechner

“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.”

Angela Monet

“Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion”

Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

“Our passions are the winds that propel our vessel. Our reason is the pilot that steers her. Without winds the vessel would not move and without a pilot she would be lost.”

Proverb


just read a post by Christine at create a connection blog.
here
Very interesting & about passion, its power, the inspiration , the energy of life behind it.

I love what she wrote and it echoed my own thoughts:


"When in doubt, follow what makes your heart feel like it is about to burst through your ribcage. The light you shine will help everyone around you find their own true path, and in turn they will create light for everyone around them...and so on and so on and so on. The world needs more people to live passionately. The world is desperate for this. Plant that garden you've been dreaming of, take that creative writing class, reach out to someone you've wanted to meet for a long time. This is what the world needs - a passionate you."

This is exactly how I live and want to live for ever.
Scattering passion, making grow people's own passion,inspiring and getting inspiring.

We need to always renew emotions , one passion make another grow and each one can bring something to the other, like everything we learn can be entertwined and add to our personality ,make us evolve & always able to share more.

This year I have developped new passions, learnt so much with photoshop and photography.

I think Passion is just a way to live for me.
Sometimes of course I love the calm because my heart does burst through my ribcage so much some days...I get so enthralled & taken to the swirls of Passion.

Maybe it is my religion! ahah
Artist can't live without Passion, it's a guide, a Muse...

Passion make me feel alive above the life.

When I'm Passion starving it's a real hunger, I'm like choking and in need...
like when for instance I haven't painted in ages...never really too long but It's been several days now and I'm craving for it.
well I have beginning a painting...

Passion made me an addict...


Latest photography art and mixed media painting:

art jrnl page( maybe I will be able to complete one who knows?)

l'Ame-Oureuse



My passionate kisser in need face mwahahhhaha =^__^=

My beautiful handmade necklace by Michelle
super beautiful necklace handmade by Merle

I heart it my dear friend & show off around with it ^____^

Little breaks in the Numbness

People think I look like a corpse on it that bothers me I am a statue who wants to feel her skin alive and feel the feelings the emotions and this is why it looks kind of dead.

the poetry to go with it ^-^

She could not remain in the depths of the Lethe any longer
Delicate doll of stone
Feelings all numb inside the marble
One porcelaine foot towards the shore
the ivy crawled to her ankle and entwined around her opaline legs
She wanted red waterfalls of life through her veins
She wanted thrills of passion along her skin
She wanted inside ripples in her womb
Her soul kept dragging her load of stone
As breaks gently appeared
She dared a steps in the Hesperides Garden
They came dancing all around her until she fell on her knees
Shocked and Bewitched by such Love & Beauty
Her dress of rock crumbled to pieces
They all bent to pick up the gems
swirls of azurites, ametrines and tourmalines
caressings her feet that could finally feel
The first breathe burnt in her lungs
As she smiled to the Hesperides
Their mesmerizing smiles created the first sunset she saw
Poetry glided along her rosy cheeks
Alive under the glare of the golden apple tree(...)
(lalala improvisation of the morning ^_____^)

So Tenderly

because because

It's a sorrowful morning Susie...

Les Fleurs des Femmes

Drowning dreams of the Fish Goddess

O Fish Goddess you came with an abundance of dreams
The unphathomable abyss is revealing us secrets
We can pick some golden stars in the core of Gaia
With never forgetting the silver threads that lead us to the Moon
When you thoughts descend you wear Pele's dress
Flames are rippling in the waters like gold fishes
But I know Fish Goddess your offering is more than this
Under the full moon light you bless with tender forevers
I love your Isis smile & your Kuan yin tears
You Believe in Magick & the lotus blessings
I scatter some kisses for hope in your name
I believe in rebirth and your different dresses
I'm scattering hearteases down your feet
O Fish Goddess drowning gently slowly can be ataraxis

(free writing kind of poetry)

www.religioustolerance.org/chr_symb.htm

dimanche 9 décembre 2007

Nothing compares deep honesty and being true to oneself...take me with you my Freedom to just be!

ah Life!
Emotions rolling down my face...Oh my Goddess!
I've had such a week,such a phase...sometimes we just have to go through all these emotions and let go, shed all residue of how they make us feel,how they make us see ourselves,the false connections, the wrong beliefs they may create...

I did meditation today and regression. Thank you so much Chantal!I dont know how I can really thank you for helping me so much on this journey, I may not show it much or enough but I am sincerely grateful.You show me the way to healing energies and you've taught me so much in just one year!Thank you blessed be my high prietesse indigo angelic friend!

I shed tears like a baby when I did the traveling through past lives to remember and heal. I am not sure I did it right. I managed to see things but not clearly.
All I know is that the first cd and second part worked on me!
I cried...big emotions.
It's really strange because it's not as if I had no reasons to cry. I am really feeling better here and now. Much better and alive and wanting to feel alive and more alive always.
I am rinsing the dirt,cleansing the dust, feeling some healing...or possible healing, possible blooming...
I have to be me, I have to stop living on fears and worries way too much and all this so useless and boring stress...
I am not so stress but maybe I just conceal it to myself, pretending it s allright will be fine etc, but denying is no good either because then I feel anxiety and think ok what if I die??hurt honey hurt so I can have relief



compare our well of tears

Sans Issue

A Gate to my Soul without exist
Maybe it's better to be a Flower at the Door
Than growing in my Heart Garden...



**********************************

I feel Loved, Goddess I am loved...Is it all about Love?
Is it just that?
My fire, my power, my machine, what makes me go on...Is it Love?
Are these swirling fireflies the drug I cannot live without?

I am but a soul infatuation junkie?
Do people understand the land of the soul? the landscapes we can see? the magic that can arise,protect,comfort,heal,celebrate?

I am alone in this?

Love gives you power.Whatever you call love, no matter what kind of love it is, there is mystic ways to step in and to wash our souls to make things easy, to prevent the hurt,all possible hurt.

I know I really like and want to sort of take care of many souls.
I met them by chance by destiny,there is connection or not, but there is an exchange & friendly communication.
I am grateful for these people.
I always bless them with love, with anything they want in their life.
Not that I am a fairy or something, but I don't sign " blessed be" out of the wicca thing.
I am not wiccan.
It is fairy magical blessings to me.
It's saying many things in just an expression, it can mean I hope you will feel warm energies and heal, I am wishing for your bliss, I hope your day will be great and whatever is in your life and depending of course on the person I am talking to.

He who knows it all about me

My sébastien is adorable lately.
Sure he still hasn't found a job. we won't worry.We are hopeful.
He is taking care of me, accepting so much of me, my true angel really.
I am so blessed for that.
Naaaah I don't idealise him mind you! ahah
^___^we still have our weekly fights mwahhahah ^___^;;
we're a lovely old couple( kidding) but I can be me all the time, I don't have the need to hide anything.

I guess it's also the freedom my parents gave me, to just be me.
By the way baby missed them this weekend( saw them last weekend,which is why I'm calling myself baby:P)and my mom phoned me, synchro I guess ^_^
was glad!
I could chat a bit with her and then with my father. It was good really.
Polyamorous Chaos:Les coeurs qui se pendent à nos cous

Yayness! I am published again for several artworks

I have been published for several artworks, small artsquared in fact ,in somerset studio Gallery
aaah I was really surprised and happy as it was unexpected!
^_____^
I should submit more but its such a stress to send original artworks, you feel you're sending sentimental things and they could get lost or whatever...anything can happen as they keep them for a long time...of course mine came back safe and sound, but It's still a stress to wait and see and hope:)

But I am glad of this publication,really grateful that people believe and acknowledge my talent.
It's beautiful,comforting and so cheering!

Like all the amazing constant beautiful support I get from strangers and friends at flickr or at my fairy attic.
It is big.
It means so much to me and I am feeling loved.

I guess one of my biggest problem in life is this huge lack of love.
I am not sure it s a lack of self love, as most people who really know me and my soul( my daemon should I say? just saw the golden compass, beautiful! I loved that little girl, felt it was me as a child...ooooops seb didnt like her much ahah, I was telling him I want a daughter like that ahah ^___^)


Maybe it s not a lack of love, it s a lack of feeling it,acknowledging it,realising it,accepting it, believing in it for sure

Not that I feel I don't deserve it. I am just a small helene...
I just fear idealizations and wrong projections people can have of me, the ideas they can form of me that I am probably not.
ah! I wonder!
I always wonder how the world see me...am I fucking self centered??^____^;; laughing
naah, I'm just an artist who needs echoes.

I don't make art for others or to please but I like when people get me on what I do,when they can enter it and then it's a real embracing of my being.
It's like saying you're right to do what you do, I hear you, I feel the same or I can understand.

One of the most beautiful thing people say to me is" you inspire me"

It's something that really touch me deeply because it's not just me, it's that possibility, that opening, that in creating I will help generate more life/creation and so then more beauty(we'll define beauty another).
It is sincerely not just self absorded ego that needs caresses, it is LIFE spreading,Love spreading.
That in giving loving myself and making what I make, I help other do the same and they will also inspire and it will be a never ending pay It forward

aaah sighs sighs my dreamer!

^___^

I am blessed for that anyways.
If I can't really make money with art at least I will make love( not sexual here guys;P you see what I mean, produce and scatter love...)
It's more than just glamour bombing,it's aiming at something higher and developping all my possibilities.

I want to unfold my wings and try and see what I can do, may it be healing energies, intuitive connections/understandings, developping all this, embracing this, learning there and become a hopeful even more balanced and peaceful me.

Not boring peaceful but being able to live sorrows with more hope and acceptance or maturity I dont know...

She who listens to the sounds of the world

I wanted the title to be: 'the most loving and compasionate bitch'at first as a reference of tori amos book when she writes about women who are powerful( self assertive, real and strong..)and who end up being called ' bitch' and most of the time these powerful women are the most compassionate and loving creatures.
well she said it all better but anyways I enjoyed that passage in her book very much.
so here it's a sort of human persona/interpretation of Kuan Yin being sexier ahah
I didn't mean to draw an asian woman but I am really glad how it turned, it all just came to me.
"Kuan kin is a chinese goddess of mercy and compassion she is particularly a protector of women.
Kuan yin is a symbol of unlimited compassion each of us can have for ourselves.No matter what the situation,it is possible to treat ourselves with mercy and Love"
(text by Michael babcock from the goddess knowledge cards)


Mademoiselle Neige


I did some editing or pimping ^_^self portraits by Jen, the first one being my fav!

Out of Darkness/Into the Light

Flowers of Peace For Her Soul

I Remember She Could Smile

Kiss me with words...

I m feeling that I have friends who care and even if I have my S.A.D problems and vertigos and that I'm not feeling good because of these I have to connect their and use the strenght they blow into my soul and give the love back.
Of course I still do love when I'm sad, but I have this tendency to need solitude and to reject because I hate to admit it when I am feeling really down rather for nothing.
Not really nothing but well there is worse.

Yet Emotions are quite difficult to control and tame.
But this S.A.D didn't make me feel as sad as I was at the beginning of this year.

so here and now I should write down my assessment of this year 2007, all the blessings I received,the fairy friends I met, the twin spirited souls...

I am very immensely thankful/grateful for this.
I met you this year, whoever you are, friends,soulmates,flickr contacts,supporters ^__^my cheerleader fairies and believing mirrors (laughing)
thank you thank you all so much!

It's not fake to sound pretty or to rinse my soul of the guilt to be sad when I have so much to be proud and feel blessed for.
I am proud and blessed to be loved by you.

I am honoured to be loved by you. honoured to have you shared your stories, confide to me, laugh with me,play with me,dream with me, hope with me, or shout at the world with me ahah
there are more than one friends.

so I'd like also to discuss jealousy.

The harsh things.
I used to be jealous...hum...ok ok my Honesty where have you been hiding? ahah
I am still jealous sometimes for sure,out of insecurity,doubts, lack of self confidence, fear of losing my place...
but all these things are useless, we should shed them in the Garden of trust and let flowers bloom without blood, no need for tears to make them grow except if it's tears of joy
and yes this week strangely enough I have had tears of joy/blessings in my eyes but I kept them.
Perhaps because it's not so easy to let go.
I hate to generate jealousy to be the cause of it.
I try to give as much as I can to the ones I care.
I won't be able to send xmas card to everyone of course ,wanted to deny this celebration and go hibernate or meditate in some temple in Nepal ^_^
but I have changed my mind, I want to share love and gratitude for the ones who spent this year giving to me,celebrating with me and sharing ideas and thoughts with me.
Stay with me next year and longer if you want to I'd be happy...

Sometimes I should write on a post it somewhere, Just fucking live and love now and whatever the rest, life is fragile, everything can transform, evolve,maybe change too...
we are constantly growing in our spirits & souls.
We are remembering all these mental maps, the ways, the circles when we just remain stuck, the wells when we give up...

I want to let go, I want to not live in drama,questionning it it,worrying if I am good enough for everyone or everything I care about and want to do or say.

I want even more freedom to be.just be.
Not to stay focuse on me and my growth. but to expand and be able to reach out and give, whatever the consequences.
Nothing is serious.

It is just life isn't ?
we should just be able to laugh at everything even if we make mistakes.
Everything is in the here and now.
People have to feel responsible and willing to accept what they share and want to live.create.give.spread etc.

I am willing to.

I will cut some emotional wires to feel better.
I will get myself ready for 2008.

I began 2007 with heart break.My Muse leaving me alone.
My art dying.My feelings getting into the void and this need to make connections,to feel understood and share...
It looks now as if It has ever been ^____^smiles
but it's just since March or April that I began to feel better and interact with other.
The community Create a connection has been a great place, I know I don't go there much now,not out of ungratefulness or carelessness but lack of time alas.

always too many emails(oh I dont say this to complain not at all, I love interactions,I love conversations and it makes me smiles,inspire me etc:) always good!sometimes an addiction!!) to answer,photoshop to play,painting and desperate housewife chores mwahhahahah ^___^ etc

My life in 2008 shouldanyways be busier,that's the good news, kidding, in a way it is in another ways...well...I will have to be much better organise to be able to chat with friends and reply emails!
That's on my resolution list since too many years now : Organization ahah


I began this year with a heavy heart ,big emptiness and huge solitude, things to heal, things to forgive and forget... a trust issues, rancour, abandonments I needed to heal.
I am healed now.I do remember the best only and what has been lived and inspired.The best can always stay in my heart.
But I don't no I refuse to stay attached to sad thoughts of past,not forget sadness is like eternal mourning.
Turning the page has helped me find what I have ever wanted/searched for.
Deep soulful and meaningful connections and especially my best friend Jen...I don't know but this year would have been empty without you.

I will end this year knowing my heart is filled with flowers of stars and tickling fairy dust
some things make me smiles big, makes me giggle.
I am alive.
I will heal that damn vertigo & everything will be alright,seb will get a job,my business will start good and ideas and good things will come because I am working for it.
I have not stopped working for this, never really given up.
I have been published this year more than last year.
I have also received proposition to be featured in online zines and such.
I am working.
It's not easy to be a full time artist but I won't give up at the beginning.
I am pissed off when people say I am a young artist, as if I had begun making art yesterday, I should also add to learn more humility next year ahah
naaah I am really humble but its just that I am making mixed media art since late 2004 so I am not a debutant, but I do understand what people mean and Its true.
I just teach myself to dare to paint this year.
Been hearing my Inner Muse more closely.
I know now what I can do.
and I am a total beginning at photography art and photoshop,for this I'll be very shy and humble for some more years ahah ;-) but don't cross my lines too far I dare you!!

;-)( kidding)

No really it s true I am beginning to developpe my artist path I surely will hopefully grow and improve, I will learn new techniques, I will discover new inspirations.

Hopefully I will begin 2008 with my Muses ^_^ on my side.

I am trusting if you keep cling to what is the best in this life you can make it,never give in never give up,be you always,dare more, erase fears, delete what people made you think of you and the image they create of you.

I apologize by the way if I have created wrong mental images of you.
I will delete them too.Everyone is allowed to be different, unique and not compartimentalized and we should not think of a person's thoughts and reactions before asking and seeing, there s nothing much better and liberating than truth and immense honesty.

that surely why I am naked, in real in my soul on pictures sometimes.
Not because I am a total exhibo( though I should acknowledge some things here ahaha ^__^)
(that girl is silly I swear to you, I've known her for now 28 years and some months but she always can surprise me ^_^)

It's good to rise again.
Please sisters in tough times do take my head and dig in my energy source and take what you need to feel better, I don't want you to live in forever darkness you do deserve so much more, promise me to remember your beauty and uniqueness, you know who you are and you know I care.

Free hugs and season greetings for everyone( laughing...if you know you know how cost me to say that ahahahha, hate xmas, long story...but with time I'll love it again and cry with joy I know that ^___^)



Merci beaucoup to each of you <3



Love my work/ support me:

mercredi 5 décembre 2007

Achings & Feelings...

I said this was going to be a good day!
why not?

so this morning I couldn't recall my dreams or nightmares but I woke up not feeling too sad :)

then I got CHEERED UP ^__________^
wow!
seb played kind of played the santa claus delivering my mail this morning!
one package, and another one and another one....wow!
=^____^=
Yay!
xmas in advance! so great! so fabulous! so very touching!
Thank you ! thank you! thank you!
Viola I love the trade ( though it awful broke in two in my so undelicated hands I guess aaaaah sighs, It was nightmare to see that but I put some tape ahah, it's still oh so pretty and I love it! it's even more vintage with the tear ahah;-)

Chantal I just can't wait to dive in meditation and understand more everything with sensing and remembering my Past lives...will be so interesting I'm sure! thank you so much !!
can't wait to have my reading too!!!
your help and light are much appreciated:)

aaaaaah Merle! wow wow wow what can I say?
(never satisfied demanding me is searching for your letter though kidding ;) well a postcard is good too, nice to see your handwriting!)

I <3 so much the necklace I could have cried! so touching, I will cherish that gift!
thank you for making my day and touching my soul <3

I love everything you sent!

aaaah the rollercoaster of deep winter emotions,terrible and so draining!

But I want to cling to this feeling today, got my smile back ^___^

for how many hours?;-)

maybe I won't make the whole day. but I share it with you NOW if you need a smile

^________________________________^ and a love filled hug

my love
mon chéri et moi


she left no trails

On the alley of sparkling white altheas she left no trails
A strange unwanted solitude knocked at the window of her mind
As she crawled in the blood orchid petals
purple river to dive and rinse the void of my her whiteness
' I know...I know... I know...' she said
As it coloured her lips
'This mix could create an acacias waterfall of passion'
She swirled barefoot under the rain of stars wishing for her heart to feel
The dancing flames of her spirit was taken away by devourous shadows
'I need that kiss' was written on her lips
Words was snowing now her silent night
She wanted to want not to understand so she put the question marsk in little coffins
No Prayers no wishes
She ran like a flash of lightning and throw her book of poetry in the Fire(...)



I'll never ever ever ever ever...gonna unglue my lips from being together...

inspired by 'Mariella' by Kate Nash, this is my Mariella.
I thought I would make an artwork for each song but I changed my mind, like it often happens lately big enthusiasms crash down...
it s about 26x36cm I think on watercolor paper
honestly I don't like it much, I don't feel satisfied, not out of self deprecation etc it s just how I feel when I look at it.
I never write I dont like my work to be cheered up or reassured,if others like what I dont like it's cool then...when I want to be reassured I ask for it.


Get the fuck out of me now
Le goût des noyades est il toujours semblable
Comme ce parfum d'hiver
Ce poison insidieux qui se lit dans mes yeux
se lie à mes cieux
tout n'est que bleus
Nos solitudes sont elles semblables
quand toi tu tends la main
dit elle je veux nager dans tes eaux troubles
Toujours des pointillés et des mots découpés
Je ne sais pas lire dans l'amer
je ne sais pas dire sans ether
Et si elle m'emmène chez moi
là où les esprits effilochés répandent des fleurs des leurres
Peut être que je veux juste me baigner
Les réponses ne flottent que rarement à la surface
Alors plonge avec moi
Prends ma main si tu as peur
Quand j'ose pleurer je n'ai plus peur de rien



Is the taste of drowning always the same
Like this Winter perfume
This insidious poison that you read in my eyes
that links to my skies
Everything is bruised
Our loneliness are they the same
When you stretch your hand
does she say I want to swim in your messed waters
Always dots and cut words
I can't read in bitterness
I can't speak without Ether
If she takes me home
Where frayed spirits are scattering flowers and lures
Maybe I just want to bathe
Answers scarcely float on the surface
So dive with me
Take my hand if you are scared
When I dare cry I don't fear anything anymore


(impro + translation)


if we were our successes if we were our emotions i'd be joining you

I love that one because I am not pretty on it!
It was a morning picture, ugly tired self, it's good to play with that kind of picture, realer and more honest with the emotions I want to express...

How does it feel : Plaisir et déplaisir

How does it feel : Plaisir et déplaisir

love that one,of course people must think it talk about sex because of the title...
which is funny, I know the picture reveal some kind of rapture but well if you see deeper you also feel the pain, the maelstom of confusions

here are the words to go with it:

Muteness is crawling on my lipgloss
flowers of chaotic winter garden smearing on my cherry bliss kisses
You will catch the fleeting aurora borealis
being blind to the glass debris on the soil
All the emotional ropes to my neck
Sometimes they drag me down on the floor
Or to the underworld
sometimes the path is different
I could hang my soul to your tree
You infuse enlivened melodies through my veins
You keep etching Who are you on my skin
Nor the screen nor the canvas won't reveal a thing
but I'll keep sewing the tears and holes
to my threadbare velvet heart
I'll glue back each cracks
pretty garlands of black thistles
I am dust and blissful collapse of your soul...

(quick impro...)

Everybody knows I'm her friend Everybody knows I'm her man1.1

Everybody knows I'm her friend Everybody knows I'm her man 1.0

two other pictures of my Dark prince, it's the yang in me.
It's not so easy to make myself look masculine but it's cool to experience.
I guess when I saw him in me I got this feeling I don't need no more obsessions I dont need anything nor anyone, I have me, maybe he wants to protect me... instead of letting the window open...


Je laisse la fenêtre ouverte et j'attends

I let the window open and I wait
the wind asks " what are you waiting for?"
the echoes of my sighs are whispering secrets
the evil question marks are marching up my stairs
The blood roses I see them everywhere
I sometimes taste the blood of twisted dejà vu
Oh Goddess!
Can the lights embrace me in my sleep
Can the sky collapse in my heart and be pouring a pink and blue blanket
lulling my voodoo dolls to sleep
screaming their needs
crying their wishes
spitting their thorns
and my baby soul can't carry all these tears
when the wind blow cold
Only this stay written on your mind
oh cruel evasive obsession(...)

(late impro...)

In wonderHell

Come embrace my delicious imperfection#139

Pages of the Same Poetry Book

click to see it bigger:)

so well my very first love, Poetry is taking care of me, she is lulling me to sleep, embracing all of my imperfection, kissing my wounds and tears...I'll go walk again in those fields...I know I need her and she just let me say more and help me understand...

I know I am not alone even when I feel lonely.now today I've got lots of things to do,let's stop procrastinating...

In 2008, lilaccanopy resolves to...
Go travelling three times a week.
Cut down on my glamourbombing.
Spend less time on love.
Go to bi-love every Sunday.
Give up surprises.
Volunteer to spend time with wands.
Get your own New Year's Resolutions:


I think I need silly memes and quizzes if you have any interesting ones to share or deep questions to ask anything to make me think and write ^____^

vendredi 30 novembre 2007

The solar plexus chakra

So today I want to do the chakra exercice inspired by Mich

Affirmations:


* I honor myself.

* I offer my light and service to the world.

Interpreting excess or deficiency in the third chakra:

Excessive Characteristics

* Dominating
* Controlling
* Competitive
* Arrogant
* Ambitious
* Hyperactive
* Stubborn
* Driven (compulsively focussed toward goals)
* Atracted to sedatives

Deficient Characteristics

* Passivity
* Lack of energy
* Poor digestion
* Tendency to be cold
* Tendency toward submission
* Blaming
* Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
* Weak will, poor self-discipline
* Use of stimulants

Balanced characteristics

* Responsible, reliable
* Good self-discipline
* Positive sense of self
* Confident
* Warm
* Energetic
* Spontaneous, playful, humorous
* Able to take risks

Answer the following questions:

1. How do you rate your energy levels?


Well it depends on the season.I think I feel I am energetic when I can produce art a lot(painting).
I know right now that my energy level is dying really.
I have bad sleep verging insomnia, though I can have some nice dreams at times, they soothe me for sure.
But also had lots of nightmares.
so dark.
At the moment making art is painful and like impossible.
I try , I do my best to stay positive, to open up, to remember, to cling to something to my friends support...but I hardly want to do anything, or sometimes I have sudden urge to paint but what I do drives me insane...
I am filled with big disatisfaction and angry at myself not to be able to be comforted by the muses in painting etc...
I miss feeling energetic...I guess it's linked to feeling healthy and alive and I am not.I am not dead either thank Goddess! I still feel but it's like an emotional rollercoaster...


2. Do you take appropriate action when your energy feels diminished?

ahah most of the time if I know there is a reason. Here it's seasonal disorder. so I just try to still work.but I also want to respect my body and mind that need soothing and rest.



3. Do you feel the need to conform?

Never! I think I may feel sometimes that people would like me to be more this and less that but really I don't want to ever waste my time on this anymore.
conformity is a word that makes me laugh.
But I don't criticise people who feel like they need to conform to belong and feel accepted etc.
I think I would just really suicide myself if I had to conform and not be my own identity, showing expressing my own individuality.
I do think I may belong to some labels/cliché/stereotypes sometimes but I don't give a shit, I know who I am & what I am not.


4. Do you seek approval from other people?
in my friends, the persons who are important to me yes, I love their approvals.
I am honest I love receiving love it's even better in sad times or when I feel like shit.
but approvals, well...In general I do what I have to do, what is getting through me to be shared to the world...I am getting more and more detached from approvals.
at first for instance with my photoshop works I was like " oh well, I'll write I am experimenting so people won't say that's so crappy what are your doing???"
I felt I needed encouragement, but I was really constantly downplaying my work,Goddess!
how can live like this and play the same scene all the time???
just make art, be bold and screw the rest for Goddess sake!
we don't care.We just play and express. and the soulful emotions are the key, then as for beauty or ugliness who fucking cares?
really?
I mean I see beauty in ugliness and I see ugliness in beauty.



5. Do you take responsibility for your own actions, or do you let other people control you?
well of course I am responsible for my own actions!
I do complain a lot and accuse seb if I lose something mwahhahaha that's the old couple evil bitching thing ahah;oP
I never let people control me except if I want it & then I'll ask for it.
Most of the time I like to be in control.
I am not a control addict but I fear the risks of allowing others to have control on me. I sometimes think loving and daring to let enter someone in my soul garden is dangerous.
well maybe at that time especially because I feel fragile...maybe lately I could easily get hurt...



6. Does shame influence your behaviour?
shame?well I hate to feel ashamed!
I try not to put myself in situation that makes me feel that way;-P

But I think that I'm very careless too, I do what I feel like doing then when it s done I can say or imagine some people will think it s crazy,ridiculous, or that I'm embarrassing myself or maybe them too... I dont know...
I think ridicule doesn t kill you;)it's good not to take oneself too seriously.
If some people think I am this or that it's up to them and it's only their visions of me not the person I am.

7. Do you assert yourself without dominating others?

yes I assert my soul, I dont need to dominate others.
I thought like this when I was younger, especially with men/in love, I thought I had to have power on them and control them to be powerful and to keep them.

Now I really hate control and dominating others, I think it's a lack of intelligence and a great show of weakness. if we need to dominate it hides something.
Moreover I think there is no real hierarchy, like people are better or superior and such, it's all bullshits!

When I am idealized I love it but hey I look like you when I wake up in the morning and I do all the human things too.


8. Can you stay focussed on activities and see them through to completion?


it depends sometimes yes and I don't want to be bothered I have to complete it or I'll get cranky:P
and other times I just cant concentrate...



9. Do you take risks in your life?

Yes a lot, my last risk was to create my own art business to be a full time artist:)
my next one will be to move and begin a brand new life...

I think we all have so much more to gain in taking risks than to lose.
Of course we can fail and get rejections etc, it happens, has and will...
but what must bear in mind are those moments when you took a risk and it was so worthy of it!that you learnt and grew from it.

Inanna

this is my interpretation and picturing of Inanna.
about Inanna

Anna Bellah (for the Theater of the Frayed darlings collection)(not really finished I think)
Anna Bellah (for the Theater of the Frayed darlings collection)(not really finished I think)
this painting is for a little book I have in mind

Drifting Above Neverland (with you)

ah Mister Springtime...



Erase it all

How much I can Hate you...sometimes...
Time and time again, I wept from the deepest part of my Heart...Disconnect/Reconnect all the wire lest I should die

comment s'écrit Nos futurs

Marine Museum of soul wrecks(cropped )

We scream in cathedrals...

Thank You My Beloved Ones