The silver lining of my Pregnancy

I wanted to make a list of all the positive things about this pregnancy,because I am always complaining, repeating thousands times a day how tired I feel ahah, I guess I am not ready now to stop saying " I am so tired ;)" but I'll get used to it;)
not mentionning the pain in my poor little body ^__^;;
last night, well in the early morning I ached so bad I had to take a shower to apease that pain at 5 am... hey positive thinking I said!!! :p



-First thing is that my body feels even more feminine to me, more rounded everywhere and it's amusing to have such a bigger breast.

-I never have my feet and hands cold as ice anymore and I never feel cold.



-I take better care of my body, resting, putting creams, being gentle with it, eating more healthy, drinking much more( water of course)

-no more needs of much make up and foundation and even in fact I am not as much into wearing make up, the more natural it looks the better it is!

-I change in my taste for every and many thing it's very interesting,it's like living with more awareness,tasting,discovering new thing, being even more careless about what people might say or think ;)
for instance I feel more open to try new food I have never taste and I really love this because it brings newness in life to taste new thing it kills the routine:)
my life is really new in more than one way!
and also as for clothes style, I am having new taste and I keep thinking of buying a hat(like Michael jackson kind of hat) I am never sure if it suits me so well so I never buy it but keeps wanting it, so soon perhaps ;)

- I am more motherly and gentle than before, ha! when I shout and complain my darling would say the contrary, but in a way I am sure he sees this!
I have always been a loving person, but I care even more, I feel sweeter and more protective with the people I care about or the stranger who hurts and I empathise with.

- I am more stronger than I thought, I mean I do complain yeah I do;)
but really I also can hurt in silence I dont go so insane, I always tell seb" keep on sleeping!nevermind!" because I dont want to bother him and break his sleep.
I feel somehow complain makes me handle the pain and all unpleasant sides of my pregnancy better, the belly is heavy already sometimes when I walk but I am glad to carry this life,I will never ever take this LIFE for granted!

- I am more careless, everything glides on me, especially people's bad attitude and stuff like that;)
I am blessed with my love and family.
I still have my enraged side, especially when someone dares criticize my Sebastien, I show my lovely bat witch teeth, sugar blood sugar!;)



seb is wonderful he would just say leave them talk, he's always kind to everyone, no rancour, totaly not caring about mean people, never angry,never in a bad mood,never complaining,I keep thinking how perfect he is !
his only flaw right now would be not to drive ;) but he'll soon do that,I'm confident still hoping it'll happen;)
and his only vice is video games and to prefer to promote other's art and design instead of his and working much more on his.
he could do so many thing, publish a comics and so forth!
I so believe in all his talents and skills!
and even more in his becoming a father, I know it'll make me cry...
I have never met someone as sweet and kind to everyone,a pure good soul like it's rare to find, he's caring and I am so eager to see him as a dad.

so many wonderful pictures to take for sure!

really if there is something you'd better shut your ignorant mouth about his my love and family and perhaps also even my Soul, cuz you do not know me, humble humble babe;)

but really all my past, the pain, the disapointment, I'll keep making art about it just because in fact our dirty stories, our dark times can be very inspiring, thought provoking,making us think,and show how we grow to be our own individual, free and blessed, aware of our luck to be there and of all the things we have to share, all the things we've been through, all we've seen, all we've known, it can also help other change their life and not be trapped by the same kind of characters.
My most important point whenever I scream and bite in art( which truly makes me laugh out loud most of the time, because in a way people must say wow that woman! she kicks ass, she is violent she hates men she is angry better not cross her line etc etc... but truly I gently laugh when I do this, it's like the woman in me who expresses this is one of my best friend, we play together and have much fun "kniving male egos" the kind of male you would never want to be.

I myself am a man too.
I truly and deeply assert this.
My shiva and shakti sides make me complete, I have accepted the sacred marriage:)
I am aware of the man in me, very aware.
If I were to have a baby boy I was ready to joke about this, making a picture saying
" you've always know this woman has balls ;) but now she's got a penis too ^_____^;;"

Honestly I do not care what people think of my words especially if they want to misinterprete or think I'm too this or not enough that.
Like I said before think what you , I am glad to be me deal with it, be glad to be yourself for Goddess's sake!


I would never want to be anyone else, though in the past I wondered if that thought was not masochistic ahah ^_^;;

as for men well I mostly love them dead : Baudelaire,kurt cobain, Jim morrisson,michael jackson...
I am kidding obviously.

I think in the past I used to be more sensitive to people's bad attitude towards me, I just know they generate negative energy and I just have to find my way back to my own positive energy.

Even if I am even more emotional and sensitive since pregnancy I must say my emotions are mostly towards this pregnancy or everything good, things that moves me, touches me, beauty and kindness in this world.

Gosh baby is dancing, I should not put Britney spears aloud ;) ahah
Heart shaped box

let's try some nirvana;) sure my baby will love it;)
ha! I imagine us singing this together, that would be cute!
if it ever happens I would surely share this on youtube ahah;)


I believe Happiness is the best Art to share:)
because it makes other good souls derive joy and emotions from it and get inspired.
There are many mothers who I look up to and love their photos of their children, their bond to them etc.
I really hope to have a beautiful bond with my daughter because yes it is a fae child just like her mom, another pisces fae child ^_____^;;



sebastien darling brace yourself for the whimsy circus you'll have at home now ^_^;

- another good thing about pregnancy, I'm less vain;) ahah, naah I still love clothes and make up and all mind ya!
but I dont give a damn to wear what I found and feel comfy in and sometimes I go out with such a grungy eccentric style ,it makes me laugh;)
but who cares?

- I cook! Yes! it's not only pregnancy,but I am sure somehow I want to be a good mother and wife, to take care of my family, yeah a true desperate housewife;)

honestly I have always wanted to cook but I was not ready for it perhaps, right now when I cook dinner I feel like a grown up( laughing) it's so strange to me ;)
I just love food and eating, and there is creativity in cooking, and I can not stand routine, so the same for food!
I also want to cook healthy things for my child.
it pleases me also to please others with my food:)

- My faith in God(Goddess) is bigger than ever.
I believe in God deeply, in the angel, the good energies around us, the power of energies and how we attract like minded souls to us.
I have met lovely souls and made new friends, and I am happy of this renewal, always hoping for forevers in friendship:)
ephemeral is fine , we learn and discover a new world with others but when it lasts when we entertain the bond it's really interesting!
My faith is not like everyone, I don't go to churche, I do pray many different ways, I believe in Light mostly
I love Jesus.
Lately I have been more in touch with Saint Michael although known as Archangel Michael, I needed him to give me my energy back and wonderfully enough the next day I was feeling better.

I also talk with the goddess who protects women.

I never enjoy it when people say" oh you're pagan I dont believe in this, so maybe you will be bother, I am just catholic"

I do not care about this.
religion sucks mostly.
Faith is beautiful and it is good, powerful and whatever the God you're talking to, it does not matter.Even agnosticism does not matter.
sometimes you can have faith in something else.
What matters is to stay open minded, tolerant and never judgemental about this.

I have never understood the people who crash their opinions on you, especially when they dont believe at all and somehow they want to make you see they are right.
what is your point in doing so?
I do not understand.

But my faith increased this year right after my miscarriage strangely enough.
because I did feel surrounded by Love, the angels and God/Goddess.
I was not alone in this.
I have seen the way life is beautiful and how strong human being can be.
I have been able in this nightmare to find the lighted way to beauty.


My faith in God/Goddess have always helped me a lot and made me chose what was right.


well there is surely a lot more of good sides of this pregnancy:)
I am feeling more natural, like eating more healthy and being careful on everything I use,products to clean and cosmectics etc

I am thinking of the baby's birth and I want it natural too.
This is important to me.
just like my wish to breastfeed no matter what.
I hope things will go this way and be possible.



I still have to realise I am having a baby girl, my wishes has been granted, my dream will come true, it's gonna be the most wonderful day of my life.
I can't wait to meet her, to look in her eyes.
to see how she looks like.
We could not see much on the u/s.


We can be everything and unashamed of our emotions
we are not our emotions
we are not our behaviours
we are not our images
we are not what you see of us
we are more
we are less
we are beyond
and as everyone will keep misreading our soul
We cannot justify
But to avoid misunderstanding
let set things clear
I am but a human being like most of you (...)

that was my Halloween self;)


a painting of this summer that I finished recently
I don't like it that much to be honest

I prefer that one


I want to work on more twisted imperfect things
I want to keep working on the emotional
Emotions are LIFE.











these little girl pictures I did in June, make me even more eager to take pics of my daughter !

I want to scream her name, it's hard to keep the secret ahah;)


cowardice
betrayal
Lies
More lies
manipulations
Ego lickers(I do not need you)
perversion(shhh I'm a witch)
control freak(I'm untamable)
living in denial
using feminine empathy to trap my sisters
narcissus momma's boy(I wont lick your ass)
fucking lecturers " if you know me so well tell me which hand I use"
raging testosterone why punching X into the walls
I am not made of your rib

this picture is a part of an artwork project called" Soul Laundry"
I love how art is a way to express any and everything beyond your own self.
I look at the works I did I really wonder wow how did it come to me like this?
It's intense the moment of creation, you are guided
I always am amazed surprised and say "I did that?" " I wrote that?"
I keep wondering what were the muses dancing inside my soul at that moment.



knives, teeth, bat wings...
of course little sister I believe in the real men, there are good male souls out there but I have to share the eerie tale of what I have seen(...)
Beware little sister, sometimes sugar can rip your heart and they hide behind their poet or artist attire to better disapoint you, they know the best art of sweet dirty lies(...)


well I guess I should call it my new controversial and surely polemical set because it surely does not please everyone
but give me my free speech and go watch other art that fits more your personality while I indulge in the freedom of artistic expression.

I don't always take all the credit of my art work, I thank my muses and the invisible spirits who guided me through the post processing of my images.
It's magical when art happens.
but it's not just me. we are all co-creators always.
because good music is better to share more than once;)

I am very eager to get tori amos solstice new cd.
People are tiring about criticizing her on things that are absurd, like they are not able to accept she has grown spiritually and could go on and on in circle telling the same things, she's a mother now, she has more to say.
People think she's gone on the soft side, well I remember smokey joe and I dont believe this.
of course she's softer somehow, motherhood is wonderful for this, we are more serene and towards the loving than our anger.
but she surely have still some anger towards many things that revolt her.

and at this time of the year, after such a strange year, I am pretty eager to listen to her softness, it'll be beautiful and apeasing.

2009 has been a strange year in more than one way.
A lot of deep pain,disapointment, ends, and the most beautiful blisses.
I have tears in my eyes when I think of my daughter.

I feel it's such an intense bliss to me that I need time to welcome all emotions about this wonderful surprise.


Life with all its magic of highs and lows.

I could not believe it!
Sebastien is so happy too,he wanted a girl too:)
Something you've been waiting for so long is near to happen, you have to be responsible for it.
that fear of bliss you know,it could be taken away, it could go wrong if I am not careful about everything.
It's not pressure.
I just really want to give the best for my daughter like most moms want.
There is so many things I want to share with her.

My passions for words, poetry,mixed media painting,singing together, reading her stories I loved as a child, telling her secrets about grown ups ;)

I want to be able to remember my own childhood and also to make a difference with what is important and what is not.

well voilà for the news!
The best is to come always ;)

Live & love before it's too late!

Goodbye Houdan Welcome New Home, New Life!

The waves of words under her feet cold as ice
she crawls remembering what the night told her
Intellectual starvation snow snow snow and dead leaves no wonders
the land of pebbles and moss green so called friends
can you hear the eerie conversations by the woods
I know they pour some fog in each of her cup of tea
so she can never read the lines hanging to the dying trees
I hear them weeping
She lies by the willows lake on the muddy grass
can you feel the tiny rinds of lemon thoughts in between each of her breath
can I sleep at night
The shadow will vanish
Something like a mental yoga
close the windows of your Spirit and repeat the words
"Rush rush river of the great oblivion hush hush all of her secret daemons"
Exhale some poetic mist entangled with wintery tears
so drowsy like a book with a torn cover
dust on my side thorns in my hands
She is by the woods going to find the celestial elevator
I am sure all loads can be lifted
one day you know one day at time
communing with the hands of the meanest old clock(...)


We are moving and I am so eager to be there, all settled:)
But I love the beginning, tidying, cleaning,purifying the energies in the apartment, and baptizing it with incense and white sage.
Making it our new Home.
I will also take the time to "create" the baby room :)
I am not going to do something over elaborated, but to make some little decorations, I have plenty of ideas and new inspirations but I will need to be settled to begin ;)
so right now I have to be patient.

It is no fun at all to live surrounded with the mess in a small apartment!
But I am super happy because our new home will be bigger ^_____^
we will be able to breathe and have more space and it was much needed!

I am also thinking of "getting rid " of some old art of mine to have more space and also to give the chance to people with not much income to buy art ;)
so it will be something like PAY WHAT YOU WANT art sales but I haven't had time to organised this eheh so if anyone is interested in an old artwork of mine
let me know your price( of course you pay the shipping cost!)

helene's mixed media from 2005 to 2008

or some of these are available too:

>Mythology project artworks

well if there is something you like at my fairyattic.free.fr you can let me know your price and if it's available it'll be yours :)
with the moving and all things we will need to buy some money will be more than welcome!

Then later I will close my shops and make art for the sake of art Passion, love, magick,spirit, soul and all :)
and this is something that reminds me freedom is a state of mind!

I am surely going to find out what has to be kept and what I want to get rid of or stop.
September was really a month of frustrations and delay with the moving that got me rather stressed which of course in my state is not good at all ;)

Plus I am still sick and can't sleep so well at night even though I'm in the second trimester...some days it's depressing especially when the sun does not shine (makes me worried about seasonal disorder!)but I know I have to remember the blessings in this situation.
I would not say it's wonderful to be pregnant at the moment but I am eager to feel happier about it and especially healthier.
But really I just can't wait to meet my baby!

I shall know the sex of our lovely rainbow baby in november.

I know once I'm settled I will go back to old passions like penpalling more, making true friends this way, I also will try to write zines again!
I have missed that!
if you're a zinester and write literary/poetic/thought provoking,faery,artsy/personal zines and can send me a pdf of it or want to trade zines, it'll be my pleasure :o)

But I have to work on this, it's been ages I haven't done zines!
I have created Chameleons sighs/Blank Pages girls/Lost and found( a one shot zine as imaginary letters)and a small kind of atc zine...but alas I can't find the pdf of them...I will search maybe I can, but anyways the thing is that they were written from 2005 to 2006 I guess and my English has much improved since that time, because I remember reading them and feeling so embarassed!
;)

I also want to learn to sew soft toys, cutie monsters and all but I suck at sewing and I have no patience for this, so we'll see how far I can get with this new desire;)
I have found some interesting templates(not sure of the word)but it's great and will help me, now I need to find cheap fabric online and cheap felt :)

I also want to make a felt beads necklaces with other accessories I have it in my mind, I so hope I'll manage to make this:)
I'm not good at jewelry making either.
That's why I mostly bought from Indie artist at etsy ;)

I want to keep on trying recipes and improving my cooking and at the moment I'm kinda glad of what I'm doing;)

I must admit I have become a food obsessed ^___^
but maybe I have always been, I love eating even if it does not show and even if I'm pregnant and still have the morning sickness and not a big apetite still.
The good point in this is I haven't gained much weight for sure, though of course my belly shows and I find it rather lovely ;)

I think it's because I watch those things on tv about food, great cooking and it inspires me :))) I think cooking is an art and eating is a real pleasure:) till it's healthy and with moderation;)

Anyways my tastes have changed a lot. I used to be such a sugar teeth and now I mostly prefer salty things, or maybe sugar/salty things.



I was so honoured and happy to be chosen by Michal to make her poster and flyer for a music show in NYC!
I cannot wait now for her to take pics of the poster in the streets there:)and of course to watch the videos of the show:))
I think it's something really cool ,it's the second time my art will be in New York!
(I did an art show there at the APW gallery)


become a fan of Michal here:
www.facebook.com/michaltowber

and you can listen in free stream many of her great songs!

voilà:)
That's all for now!
Life's great we are granted some more days of summer sunshine which truly brings a smile on my face, I had a lovely chat with an adorable friend(and penfriend) this morning which also brightened my day, my love is so adorable everyday that it also makes me feel so blessed and lucky to have him by my side , can't wait for us to explore our new place!

I won't have internet for some time, which will be great because I will need time to clean tidy and make the place looks like home:)
ha! we will do things right this time, no more mess ;)( can you believe this! :o)
anyways I am spending less and less time on it, just this week maybe more because everything is in packets and after cleaning the apartment here, there is nothing much to do, hmmm maybe I can cook some bread or brioche? ;)

naah I know I still have some things to pack and other to get rid of.

I won't pay for the mail to be redirected so if you need my new address(mostly penpals) please let me know, I have already sent it to some of you but I surely have forgotten a lot!

****Blessings and Bright light****

Waiting for the Summer fruits while remembering springtime flowers in the graveyard

More than a month later.
Times flies no wait! it's running after me!

Wish I had time to write my blog, surely it could do me good.
To write a little.
To just talk about my daily life and my art life.




It feels so good everytime I go back to my acrylic world ;)













I haven't painted much for a while.
Not in the mood, too busy with other things in my life, like phoetry for instance.
Working on different projects.
In fact for a whole month I was really incredibly busy but I handled it and I guess I loved it.
When you're so busy you go to the essential and you have no time for insomnia.
Kidding a bit, but working so much made me feel better.



You don't have to compartimentalize your self, especially if you're an artist.
Just keep expressing, share what you have to share, do what you have to do,always out of Love.
And I believe you are safe, for everyone interpretes no one ever grasp the truth of your own soul.
You only know.

who you are. And why you do the things you do.
Even if sometimes it can sound weird to you, with time and looking back you find the answers are all in the questions of your art, your heart.











(picture featured in my book In The Name Of Kali)





I have so many to express but I don't know where to start.
How to do a sum up on everything I've been lucky to learn and discover this past month.

First of all about Friendship and making friends.
Still the same old thing that people want you to be honest and they cannot hear your truth.
hey it's merely your truth, so it should not be the world to them right?

I have been through events that showed me true friendship required maturity, a bit of self trust to be aware of what you have to offer in this relationship, a good sense of humour and of course open mindedness and tolerance.

I remember when I was younger I somehow couldn't hear people disagreement with me, I would lose temper at once now I am okay to listen and I always try to see what the person means, how she or he perceives things.
It's always a question of perception after all.

If you're strong enough, you're not fleeing because of another viewpoint.

Immaturity can be cute of course it depends how it is shown but some people feel lonely and disbelieve in true friendship, or just want to criticize the rest of the humanity as if they had the monopoly of good heart or what?
This is so absurd!

Open your mind!
See further for goddess's sake!

I am always sadden when people don't want to grow and understand things.
Stubborness is a huge waste of time.
Of course we all have our strong opinion and we sometimes don't feel like changing,it's ok.
We have lived things that make us be who we are, but when you want to make friends you have to open and be ready to lose or suffer the fact you won't face a mirror.
We are all similar but all unique.
it's just so sad all the beauty people may waste with a locked up heart.

They may say it's because they've been hurt a lot in the past and disappointed by everyone and they don't want to trust anymore.
immature waste of time, we learn in this!
we learn through this!


There is something I really cringe at it's when people feel the need to criticize another to feel better about themselves.
Like " come on people stop whining and believe that fairies will pop out of your screen"

fuck this!and fuck you!
If these people want to share their emotions the way they do,it's their right
not please with this, kiss their asses!

I cannot stand those attitudes.
People should just live their life and stop pointing their fingers at other and how they live theirs!
Hell,Leave us alone!

I do not fear any criticize or anyone wanting to burn me, that's always why I chose the name " Ma Sorcière" at flickr.

I am totally utterly and completely accepting myself & happily pissing you if it has to.
never my goal well okay it depends if you tease me too much babe;)



People must see me as bitchy because I have a big mouth and anger is not something I am shameless to express.
I have read anyways in some Christian or catholic forums that anger was not so much of a sin
of course I do not believe in the idea of sin, I gladly play with it.
and if anger was a sin I would be then a shameless sinner.

Not out of rebellion, it's more than this.
I believe in expressing your disagreement, if you suffer because of somebody's behaviour it is just your right to tell them you are angry and why.
It does not mean hurting them on purpose.
But saying unpleasant things to them that is merely your truth on how you lived things, how you felt them and it cannot be changed.

We are the way people had treated us.
Like our parents in childhood and teen age for instance.

If your parents complimented you, hugged you, showed you care, lots of affection, if they made you feel you could do anything, if they were there anytime listening closely to your problems etc maybe then you can grow as a self confident adult and not have to endure depression or lack of self esteem at times.

Of course we have to cut the cord too.
Past is past, even if it feels like something has been stolen from us, something we can never have again.
A missing part in our life.
How to fill the hole? how it to heal it whole?

Art ,creativity, love and being real are possible answers to this, and of course to try not to act the same way.

We all live in cycles.
I mean cycles of sorrows and joy that come back to us and we feel oh I have experienced this before in another way perhaps, sometimes it could also be reminiscence of past lives.
Some present sorrow can re-open past wounds, it's the life.
How we deal with this?
expression and imagination.

There is enough energy in our soul to heal if we really want to.

Some people still come to me asking "how is the baby? how is your pregnancy"

I am like, well he, okay you didn't know not your fault, but I lost it, I miscarried.

Then the whole thing is back again, like a wave to my face and I remember it's me who've been through this maelstrom of emotions.

But I am definetly not alone in this.
I have been lucky enough to take pictures of wonderful children.
There are great teachers and my contact with them made me more and more understand how I have a real easy bond with children, that childhood is a familiar world to me.
A lot of people often say how younger I look in real life or on my photos, it's cute.












I really hope to keep learning and finally create another business as a photographer.
Especially children photographer because I love to capture that essence , the soul of this time, so pure, so innocent, where magic is unscathed.

To come back about anger, it's an emotion people often deny, feel ashamed, can't deal with etc.
I express anger easily when I disagree if it's something important of course I'm not angry at everything.
I love when I'm fine with everything, but the world is not bright pink everyday is it?
look further.

I believe it's because I am capable to love immensely, I share a lot of myself, I am a real human being or trying to always tend towards this.
I give, I try to inspire, I share and I do listen a lot.
The fact that I love big implies also the fact I can also be extreme with anger because there are things I cannot bear.
like Anais Nin said:

"The only abnormality is the incapacity to love."

Also some people tried to bother me with the fact I take self portrait that showed my body in a sensual or erotic way and then taking pictures of Innocence/children.

Well I do believe we are complete when we can express Mary and the Magdalene, of course you draw the limits.

I would quickly kick pedophiles asses.
I have seen other photographers taking sensual self portraits and also the most beautiful soulful and real portrait of innocent children and there was nothing wrong with that.

It's like a woman can be a Mother and she's still a sexual wife.
She's not only the sweet heart of the house.
We are multi sided, so is my art.


They fly
You're in them
They fly
You want them
entwined thorns so soft and touching
How beautiful the nightmares under my pillow under my bed under my heart
Ankle all swollen
Sore throat
Sense all sored
A wardrobe full of circean dress
Little darkness
Tame thy monster whisper the pixies
But all my garden have blown away
seeds of dandelions
No dreams no wishes
For another tree
To climb and let my soul soar
I cannot clean my wings
I am a bad needlewoman
I want to sew my lips together to prevent them to utter
my need my needs my desires



I believe my friends understand and enjoy the things I do without judging.

We have many different things to express.

so yes I have been working on a New Eve project!




and happily mixed Innocence and sexuality.

My thoughts are fizzing and I have many new ideas for books, but sometimes I'm like Hey hold on!
I cannot note all these things!
So I believe I have enough ideas for the next 10 years ;)
haha



Ha! this is one of my most fav poetic design since a long time!
It all appeared by magick out of the blue so thank you Fairies!Thank you muses!!
I am blessed and never alone.
Of course it's for an imaginary band so I had to imagine it all :)
It's always so much fun to me!



Band name: June Please June
Album name: Springtime watery songs

1)Alone at the White crow queen lake
2)April's flowers underwater
3)May drowned
4)Artemis river of presents
5)Strange path of the pomegranates
6)Away from the Fields of narcissi
7)Sister Demeter's letter
8)Third lane
9)Douceur de Léthé
10)Flammes à l'amer
11)4
12)Ocean of love and coffins
13)Blue funk stream

Of course one day I will make a book on this too, but yeah I need more than a life ;)



He said "Anais!Anais!"
I remember that name.
She said it could be your daughter's name, the one you'll never have.
I told him she was under a pile of pages of madness
He couldn't read my name anymore so I told him to be my hurt
He couldn't be my words
Even if he dared
How could Mr Empathy bleed as much as a woman
Not in my story anyways
Men invente themselves pain and women live through them
Always
For instance when you got a package in your car and you never dare
pull out the ribbon
then who are you?
A ghost?
Are you fucking insane?
I thought that was me.
I thought
All along the cinders a shoe that shouldn't be red
Sometimes you say you're afraid to acknowledge the water in your eyes
This hole darkest void
I wish I could be the rain when they ask for the sun

(...)



Still waiting
Red roses in the vase on the kitchen table
I hear the melancholly on the window pane
It echoes
Humide soft noises
She forgot her keys once again
Did she do it on purpose
On the bed Anais' dress
I could still smell her perfume
The satin of poetry that suits her skin like nothing else
When you meet Anais you never forget her eyes
All the secrets they tell when they penetrate yours
It's a strange moment right after midnight
Her ghost is above me invading her dress
Floating laces and the bewitching whispers
Then later I sway naked in the attic
Missing her touch
missing the way she understands
Each of her kisses not demanding not expecting anything
As the rain falls deeper(...)

she dances on the walls that she paints with her whispers:




(not completely satisfied with this self portrait but I love the poem with it)

There are demons on Rachel's road
It's in her name
It's in her faith
Along the ground
Debris of all the things she recalls
We hear evil songs on Rachel's road
Among the particules there is note
Something that caress your neck when you sleep to dream
She doesn't remember much of these nights
One day she'll tear up the horizon On Rachel's road
The ravin isn't far
You could come with me
If you want to feel
desert of books not to be read
But if you do you cry the same
Like the black doves
After all the grins having cut you through
After all the thorns having slashed you open
She wanted to be wide open and freed from turmoil
There are flowers of lies on Rachel's road
"Can you hurt me now? will you hurt me now? If I ask you to?"
When you lie down
The ground is hot
You gaze at the ceiling for hours in the dark
Except it's the sky the beginning of void
Wishing it could tumble down on you
So you wouldn't have to be sewed back
With all these things inside
I wish I could tell
On Rachel's road silences are obsessing mesmerizing
I wish I could tell
But the distance is drowing near(...)










Maybe in the world of fake she could be the one
Behind her mask behind her glowing dress
He didn't know the whore was a giver
Forgive her
How many times she would dance this way
Always the same right steps left steps
Completely poisoned and tamed
You try to love her
She leaves with no word
Next year for the same entrance
She's in trance in her bleeding world
Everyone want to protect her but most abuse
She will claim it's her right to suffer
Her only desire
Because she cannot love her
Fasten this little terror
Quiet she knows it's better to be fucked than alone
Ella Jane always drown to the darkest horse underwater
You're not Ophelia
Tear that dress now
She will cry in my arms talking about strength
I witness the massacre in her bleeding poppy fields
She cannot sleep anymore
She remember spreading not wanting
A big S on her heart
There are cinders glowing cinders
Wish I could have helped my sister
But she cannot realise she has given up on her own
I told her everything was better not to
And she smiles
The most noisy smile you've ever seen
You see how she will kneel when he'll ask her to leave everything
You're gonna leave your home
You're gonna kill your soul
This big S in the middle
I won't blame their testosterone shackling & their weakness
This time I wish you loved your self
only this time


another poem that had to be shared, hoping some sisters out there can read and perhaps decide to take the power back and to be their own.

I often think about this, how women became half of themselves for a man, this is so sad.
As for these men they are so weak.
Their power resides only in controlling, how pathetic.

People have to be reminded what Love is sometimes.
A lot of ego is taking part in painful relationship because no one really dares to give in to Love, what it merely is. The beauty of it.







Another twig though springtime is gone already
Gabriel Gabriel sing for me lullabies for her
In her dreams for me
She's waving from the other side
Seraphim are holding books and taking notes
Filling pages of the sounds of my love tears
You're not there I don't even know your face
But in all the petals of light I wrote how much I miss you
Letting my heart swirls yearning for this blessing
Come little darling we've been waiting for thee
Blood roses spiralling around my china breaks
Lilith dances in my laces and she says
How pure this love can be
Pomegranate leaking on my chest
I wait for the magic to come
Hail all the angels
Impregnating my souls to the saraswati waters
Poetic ripples in the depths of my heart
Bring me my daughter!
I am a mother!
Bring me my daughter!
(...)