obstacles vs hopes/smiles vs rain

Oh Goddess!!

The harmony we've waited time to create and taken care of as just been destroyed!
We tried to find a balance a way to avoid arguements and all of a sudden the war for computer has come back ^_^

well I am totally joking about it, because I need to laugh and cultivate some humour, some fun, some positive energies to grow flowers of Hopes in our garden ;)

Yes my Pc crashed! what a bad @@@@%%% luck, I mean, seb got rejected for many jobs now, and the results of the tests are negative so he is not selected
Everything keep going the wrong way, obstacles,over obstacles
too many @@@@@¨¨¨¨closed doors
I am getting frustrated and angry at all this

the thing that reassure me and make me want to keep thinking positive is that we are fighting this adversity together,not always because we dont live it the same ways and of course it has created tensions, but right now, we are in this together.

& the pc crashed so we fought to be the one on internet °____° kidding
No we really try to be fine!

A solution is coming our way so I have to remain positive!

But the job thing is depressing, everything is depressing
even my business, because of all these obstacles and the @@@@%%%% lack of money...
was I a dreamer? where is the passion and trust gone?

I dont know.
Too much anger maybe.

It is just so difficult in France to live as an artist, all the formalities, all the taxes and things like that, it is very discouraging...

I am thinking future, close future, I can't handle the idea of not being pregnant,not having my first child next year, I try to but the more I think about the more I think it still keeps leading my life to nowhere...

I am fine with solitude but on some days everything collapse or just slowing get stuck, paralyzed, I see everything frozen,like dead, everything grey and dreary, just maybe like the weather

But I dont complain on the weather, I kinda like the rain, maybe I prefer the rain to the very very warm weather when you are melting, sweating & can't sleep at all!

we have this month and august to find solutions, to find a way...

I know seb might have to take another kind of job if he cannot find something in graphism and webdesigning

but really I know it won't be great, I can't see our life this way!
this idea is just awful
but yes I know I am quite aware nowadays in France many people do boring jobs that they are not interested in at all, just because we have to be sensible and take what there is, not be too demanding and hard to please

that sucks!

well I did not want to write a boring lamenting entries ;oP

I mean I am fine I am lucky I am healthy and seb is and my funny Takun is ^_^

Here is My G list:

1) Gratefulness: because it is important to value this, to thank the dear ones , to acknowledge our luck,our beauty etc, there are many reasons to be beautiful to be good to keep hoping and sharing

2)Garden, I love the place, mystic, religious, spiritual, garden of knowledge,of the soul,of dreams, of childhood memories etc
I always think that when you have a real bond to a person you can feel the grass you can dare to walk barefooted you can feel home in certain place, I love that!
I really love to be invited in a soul garden, I think it's the only way to make true friends with time, to keep things long lasting and growing,blooming ;)

3)girl, pretty word, pretty world, I love girls, I love my sisters, I try to be understanding and helpful in my way, I hope to have a baby girl...some people often thinks it s just to play like with a doll, but it's just to play, I really want that mother and daughter special bond! it means a lot to me!
I can see it, I am sure it is as beautiful as I wish :)call me idealistic dreamer :oP

4)galaxies, the space, the univers fascinates me and scares me
what is happening elsewhere in the world?
are we alone? do you think?


5)grace, I love the word I always wanted to be graceful when I was dancing, but oh my ;oP
what is grace? moments of full of grace, bliss, something subtle and magic, bewitching:)

6)gullible, I think some naivety is sweet, really,touching, but I hardly bear people who take advantage of the gullible girls who are too sweet and lovely... I want to think that what goes around comes around, but using people,slaining naivety that way,with betrayal and lies it is so ugly, so cruel!

7)grumpy, a way to describe me sometimes ;-) especially in the morning:o)
or around smokers or when I notice lack of respect by others

8)gravity...as a metaphore high joys that collapse, everything always attracted to the ground...whatever we do we can't fly but in a dream so we try to savour the time when we can float a little above the ground...I love studying gravity when I do yoga, lying down
anytime you feel truly bad and depressed just lay down on the floor, feel the gravity the attraction, the heavyness of the body, and let go, let all the negative emotions fall downer and downer...It makes the body feel lighter somehow, and it may look weird to lay down in the living room for instance but it's nice to do weird things sometimes,to be unsual...

9)General Joy by tori amos

General joy I know I know
You'll take me there -
Where your boys were left behind

General joy it seems you need
A soldier girl -
Now "they" have liberty gagged

By boat by tram by motorbus
Could it be the fates are protecting us
From the hawks that have stolen the bird from the sky

And I know
You will always love sorrow
Is that why
You gave her dress to happiness?
'Cause it matches her eyes
When she cries

General joy it seems
You don't love your bride
Generally
You're friends but she is not the love of your life

To dye to perm to change your hair or your wife
The possibilities are there
And it's time for you to decide

General joy I know I know
You'll take me there -
But you'll need strength
From within
General joy it seems you need
A soldier girl -
And a willing coalition

By boat by tram by motorbus
Could it be the hawks are protecting us
From the men who have now assumed their name


love that song:-)
10)gem I love lots of them, very light amethyste,amber,citrin,moon stone( not sure it s called that way)

11)giving
12)glitter
13)glimpse
14)glow
15)guide(spiritual ones)

anyways whatever I am fine so do not worry, I just need to feel positive not to give up...