Create your Own Future

Mich asked us at virtual circle to clarify our goals, to see how we do Create our own Future...

"Reflect on your goals and write them down ... to help bring them to reality publish them on your blog, or create a dream-board or mind movie. Remember to stay positive - for example don't say "I will become more positive", put it in the future tense and say "I am a positive person with a great future!"."

To help you get started, think about the key areas of your life:

It won't be easy for me to answer all these questions ,Future is still a big Worry to me, I try my best to live in the here & now , or sweetly endulge myself in nostalgia lands;)
and well right now Is a very complicated time of my life because I have to find the place to live for more than 3 years, a place to settle where I will be fine and able to create my own art business , have my children and a place where my love can find a good and interesting job for him...knowing all our financial difficulties, well all this does not sound like a peace of cake but sure yes I am positive person with hopefully a great future;)
I often think at my paternal grandma, she often told " You will be happy don't worry"
she said this with such conviction I could not do anything but trust her words:-)
and well so far I'm doing pretty well, in spite of the chaos and worries ^_^




Where you live

Well Really I love our apartement, spacious enough for us, but not for a baby, we need another room for him/her...
But it's true if I have to say what I think here and now, I'd say I really love the place where I live, the place I call home.
I dont like Cambrai much, but maybe if there were more nature surroundings and also more things to do,interesting art shops, museums etc not to mention more employement maybe it would be a place I could live my life,but no really it's dull and boring here;)
and I wish to live at the countryside near a big city, hopefully Lille, because it is where my business could work...
I see things, I visualize great things and I wish I have the strenght and will have the health to do everyting I want to!
Except from that I love living in France,it's a small country but to me it looks big because I haven't seen it all of it, wish I could travel in my own country a little more in the future when money won't be such an issue ^____^ yes I have a great Future!:)it's coming, I have to stay open and motivated, I have to trust and believe!


Lifestyle

:D this makes me smile ^______^think we have a bohemian lifestyle
I have been unemployed for years so I am used to have Time on my side, to do what I want, to do what I love( well like any desperate housewives I have to cook, clean, wash, run errands, the best fun of this life mwahhahahah)
but I enjoy my lifestyle, the little problem is the routine.
because since Sebastien was a student, moneywise our life was very limited, so now I'm ready to see things in big, him to work and earn a good wages and him able to take me out for dinner, to take me out for a romantic weekends, that would be wonderful!

I think our Bohemian lifestyle is that we are very free and sometimes not very organized both of us ahah, it shows a lot in the livingroom, so messy certain weeks
and the bedroom which is my studio is the Messiest room I've( you've) ever seen...so I am dreaming of a real art studio, where I could be freer:-)
we thanks to me have an healthy diet which is great, we don't eat macdo or well once or twice a year but really it is to please sebastien, I try to escape from junk food.
But we love pizza but don't eat it too much either.
I don't eat meat or very scarcely,but I eat fish and sea fruits a lot.
I have read somewhere that a tribe from some country I can t remember where ate lots of fish and sea fruits and they live very old with NO serious disease.
I try to eat more vegetables, but it's not easy with sebastien who's very difficult!
It's amazing how men are difficult for eating fruits and veggies!
I dont smoke and don't drink alcohol...Ok I have drank cider last month but it s what twice or three times a year:D


Work
work is something so weird to me...I dont know what to say.Entering society with a daily job, something I would not really enjoy or do only for money is a very depressing idea to me though I am quite aware that what most people do.
they dont live their life in silly introspection they live it with the tough side of it of accepting to be exploited, mistreated, never seen and complimented for the good job you did etc
It s sad...this reality is sad
but I'd say to these people not to care, we do what we do for ourselves...I dont know...

I have done many jobs. I know I liked and needed my work to be seen for what it was.
if people don't give a damn then I wont give a damn either.

My work right now is MY passion: I am a full time artist.
That is how I perceive things now:-)

and I am oh so grateful for the fact my work is SEEN, heard, understood sometimes
that is so touching
sometimes it happens that someone will just leave me a mail, a comment at my website or blog,or livejournal to tell me how I inspired them to go back to art, how they felt understood and could enter and relate to my story telling in my art!

It is Bliss, it is the magical power I want to use!
not to healt the world ahahhah, I used to be that idealistic, but at least to do small changes that can bring new other small changes, like a Pay it forward thing!

It is so important to me.
Yes more important than a wages.
I am not meant for this real world, I know sighs I am unhealable ;oP

Yet my work brings with the beauty of connection, the fact I can touch others and also get to know them because we see as creative beings that we can relate to each others world etc
I also have Time, which is great...
well I say I have time but it s funny because I am always busy;)

I just know I am not a slave to the wages, I know I can quiet things if I want to, I can have a day off etc
but I enjoy being busy with art projects.

Right now my work as an artist does not give me enough money to live but hopefully when I'll have my art shop ready and all the other things I want to do ready maybe slowly many doors will open to me, I know I have to be patient.
Sometimes I think that maybe a month or two without internet would do me good to do all the things I have to do;-)



Money/financial

this is the big issue of my life. I have been rather poor since 2003,since I decided to follow my love in this dull city where I knew my long unemployment...
I have been used not to be able to buy extra things
I try to spare money.
I also try to think money is not everything and to think of what I really want.
Sometimes it is weird, I feel I dont want anything or the things I want are too expensive, like having a house, a family, a normal cute quiet life ^_^

but what bothers me with the money issue is that I will need to ask for a loan at the bank for my business and well it is not something I enjoy...
and of course my project has to be well done, well thoughts, with figures, with business plan , detailed etc
so that they will follow me and lend me the money I need...
it s so scary...

I hope sebastien will soon find a job so at least we'll have one secure wages.


Love

I am blessed to have sebastien by my side. Sure we've had our problems.
I just can not imagine my life without him.
I can be myself with him, we can talk about everything. I have no secrets for him.none at all.
Even the worse he knows ^_^
I love him, I would need him to surprise me more, to sometimes be proactive to break the routine a bit, to do silly things...routine is something that bores me a bit sometimes.

I want to have a baby with sebastien hopefully next weeks, if things are fine, but I am worried now about my health...& if I'll be able to have a baby...etc
and all the pregnancy and delivery scares me more than in the Past, weird??
in fact I have always wanted to have a baby, and I never thought of the pain or the worries during pregnancy, and now I just think about all these drawbacks...maybe I am just afraid, it's so unknown...



Family & friends

I love my parents, with they had a better health but till now I know things could be worse,so I am lucky and blessed to have still my two parents and to be able to talk and have fun with them and to share and remember the past etc.
They are so important to me.
I can't imagine the world without them and whatever happens in my life I need/want to share it with them always.
I always loved to tell them anything , everything.
It's great communication in a way to be able to tell it all to our parents, to be oneself, never to hide etc
It's great:)

Friends are the cherry on my apple pie ;-)
I don't have them here nearby, no one to hang out, no one to speak to face to face, no one to sing with or to have a hang out in the forest to take pictures, to dream and make magical Earth altars, no friend to play girlie things( make up ,exchanging clothes, shopping etc)no friend to make art with or to go to the swimming pool or yoga class with...
no friend to at for dinner or to sleep and have a pyjama party ^___^reading fairytales, sharing secrets, gossiping and enjoying laughters and silences together


BUT all this said,I am very Happy with the soul sisters I have, I love you, I don't say it often, you are true friends, you are away but you always cheer me up, you have the right words to help me, you try to understand me, you are there for me & I am so grateful for your friendship.
I don't say hollow promises but if you think you are my friend and I am your friend you have to be aware that you can come in my garden anytime I'll always be there for you, to help the way I can,to listen, to be silent, to cry and laugh with you.

I think I am a good friend for I am a good listener, I have a great capacity to understand others's feeling because of my own story and my deep sensitivity & I am also very frank and honest always :-)

do I need more? do I feel alone? lonely?
well I'd say no ,no/yes, yes :)

I feel lonely when I get bored by routine and having less connections, having less time to share with my most special friends
I love getting to know new people always, share, discover, I love being surprised
But I am a deeply believing that old can be new if we always try to work out the link to make it shine always to surprise the other:-)

for instance Chantal you've really surprised me lately and I enjoyed that a lot.
Maybe I still need time to trust in our bond but I know I have a friend in you and your in me ^_^

I am blessed with the beautiful souls I have met, I don't feel anymore in a quest for the spiritual sister... though life can surprise me...I am very in bloom, my garden is full of flowers all so pretty lively fascinating, bewitching and so interesting:-)
each of them has their own special and unique color palette ^_^



Health

well until now I have been lucky :) so I live my life in a healthy way,doing sport, eating healthy ,drinking water and tea:)

but I've just been to the gynecologist today ,was no fun, no fun at all :(
I have a strange pain and so I will have to do an echography to see if things are fine.
she said there was no abnormality so I hope it's ok...
I must say I am easily worried when something looks wrong and has to be checked out...
knowing the next apointement is only in late september...GREAT I have months to worry...
what if I can't have a baby?
what if it's serious?

"hey helene dont be silly you know you're always worried for nothing at all"( my inside voice talking to me :D)
I hate not to know...if something is wrong...
oh and I have never done echography, the idea of drinking so much water and not to pee oh my!!!!it sounds difficult for me!!

I know how Health is important,I do my best to take care of myself and of seb's health too:-)



Spirituality


I am on the right path, learning, improving, enjoying the person I am, growing, finding peace, finding answers and paths to be aware of in my chaos
I am more balanced.
I believe in God/Goddess
I am inspired by Hinduism and buddhism as philosophy and I don't name my religion Paganism or whatever

I was so shocked about that woman who wants to condemn Harry potter!

with all the respect I have for American people there is really a lot of bullshits over there, well we'll say it's bigger than France, so more bullshits are to be expected of course...
but when I see that they want to forbid Harry potter's book in a library and that she is crying at the trial ,oh my!!!
how far can people go in the so called Name of God?

why did God said Harry potter was evil?

that inspires me an artwork, brace yourself ;)mwahaahhahah(evil bat grins)

if Harry potter is so evil thanks Goddess we're in the 21 th century:)or else I would be burnt like a toast:-)

Because yes I am a witch of Light, I believe in something else than Religion.
I love Jesus and Buddha & that's enough for me to know what is good, what is the right way to go...
I believe in purity, freedom of rites, freedom of speech and I don't agree at all with imposed religion, with forbidding things.

I just do not understand people who believe in their religion and NEED to force it on others, to prevent their children from discovery of what life is and how they could think, no they have to follow and think the same way like in jeovah witness sect...

or worse the sick scientologist, when MONEY rhyme with religion you think mob dont you?
and those people think they are what so good so right? is it hype to be a scientologist???
where are their minds?

my respect? well sure they do what they want but I still have the right to loudly disagree with such things.

I have also seen terrible things in the usa, Religious camp where they made children or teens pray for hours till they are in some kind of trance, so weird!!
and all the pro abstinence.
I understand the point...but it's silly.
The idea of getting married to the first man you make love with and no after wedding, well it s a way of a life, something I hardly understand...

as a pre teen I remember questionning that, I was very religious in the past.
I chose Jesus over anything surely because of my vietnamese grandma:)
I had a strong faith in God and thought I was christian or something...
I haven't had any religious teaching... I taught myself.
I wondered if I would have sex before wedding...I thought about it more and more as I grow as a teen.
I am very glad I have always lived in the respect of my faith and of my woman body.
I'm also glad that from being religious I finally chose the spiritual path.
I dont go to church but when I travel I love visiting churches and monasteries.
I love each religious place, the silence and beautiful atmosphere where you feel so safe:)



Gratitude


I am grateful a lot, maybe I could celebrate this more, in complaining less:)
I am grateful for my life, my health,my art, my friend, my love, my family
I am glad to be alive and to know it's a luck, a chance we have to not take for granted:)
so my friend, take your chance, make the best of it, love love love and begin with loving your self with gentleness

Blessings