The torments of paradoxes

title: Unison





title: Dysphoria

my recent collages

Sans Jugement

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.”Rumi





title: Sans jugemement

it is my 100 th which is why I wanted to make something special.
It is 4squared art of 10x10 cm each(4x4)
mixed media: acrylics,oil pastels,paper,image of a bird,swaroski,gel pen,fabric gel, glitter,rubber stamp,gesso

available here

I chose the title thanks to that song 'utopia' by alanis M. who really fascinated me.I almost cried when I first heard it for all the beauty contained in it, the words and melody truly touched me.I was feeling could it be real, it would so big, so amazing...But I am also very realistic, I am not even sure if we'd be that fine in such a utopic world.

I mean it's fine to dream about it and to improve one's being towards these ideas of tolerance and acceptance, but I still think we need the opposite to learn, to change our mind,to evolve...maybe also to be more human,feel the empathy,to want to help...


"We'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree sans jugement ..."(utopia by alanis m.)

I was making that piece and I first thought : what if I damage the nice background?what if it's so ugly I feel empty,sad,frustrated and angry at myself?

I decided that it was not serious. I take many things so at heart due to being emotional and hyper sensitive(doesn't mean I can't handle the truth or criticize, disagreement you know)
I told myself, it might not turn the way I want it to but it doesn't matter, if the background is ruined nevermind I can make another one, I know how to do it if I have made it once .

so I jumped in the daring well, how exciting!!!
I felt I was 10 years old again, being so concentrate to draw nicely to impress myself :)

I have decided lately that one of the heavy things/attitude in my existence was : Judging, giving a wrong or right to everything I do, it s good or bad, beautiful or ugly too many judgements...
It kills the personality, it kills the possibilities, the opportunities and so forth.

it's written " they'll never know how beautiful you are if you keep hiding in darkness"

so the girl is talking to the bird.I let you free interpretation, there are many things to read in this.

People often say something like the emotions gets deeper and more intense when shared it's so true!!

When I make art & feel a euphoric sweetness at the end before the results, looking at the piece "sans jugement"(I dont mean the title here I mean without judging) I feel fine, relieved,soothed...

To know or see that just one soul can connect to my piece of work and feel that tiny bliss thanks to it, because they can relate, feel touched ,attracted, find pieces of them in it, or are just grabbed by the colors /compsosition whatever it double my pleasure =)

It's not usual I end up an artwork with a stretch smile of satisfaction, relief, it's a moment of peace for me when I give up judging.

It's fleeting, evanescent but it's a moment I really appreciate and live in the here and now, I try my best to be present to it,savour it:)
when it echoes in someone, when someone else can smile before my work then it brings that feeling back to me and it gives more meaning to what I do,what has been done and felt.



that work is called:I regret, I'm angry,I'm sad & I'm afraid...

these being the 4 emotions that assuage your mind if you express them anytime you get hurt,broken or something really sad happens to you.

Most people when they get their heart broken just release one emotions, the most common being anger, feeling a deep resentment for the person who hurt them who left them and they get engulfed and sort of emprisoned in this emotion because of the denial of the other( yeah I Love psychology,I have learnt it a lot by myself,in books and in real life and also a bit at university just for 6 months or so )

so this artwork was to release the emotions. There are still too present on some days, because I have been hurt a lot by the abandon of person I considered soul sisters or maybe I was thinking they could be, maybe that was an illusion...

on her dress it's written:
"I'm in this night feeling the weight of what used to be flamboyant...smithereens in the well of wishes I collect the remains , mere fireflies but they burn my heart I can burry them but they grow thorns on my path I turn the page & the book keeps bleeding soon will come the time to blow the candles on my cake & whisper my yearning spin out the sororal bliss make that fire warm my heart forever I want to forget the glass splinters in my embraces & sigh my true and passionate " I love you sister" & cry on the Echo."


available here

For the sake of Beauty

Poetry is what gets lost in translation. ~Robert Frost

Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. ~Leonard Cohen


Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary. ~Kahlil Gibran

anytime I'm in my bed ready to sleep I have a tidal wave of poems,songs and deepest thoughts that comes to me and twirl in my head,I just can't sleep.
I toss for hours, I try to fall asleep but I can't stop thinking.

My worries,my dreams,my hopes,my wishes and my fears are there, talking to me, trying to make a connection.
Then I finally dream, the best part of this...

that's the reason why I love sleeping, also because I get all grumpy when I'm waked up too early and it breaks the end of my dreams.


I believe dreams at night are important.
They show me the way,they comfort me.

I have dreamt of snow, I was gliding on it, like embracing it, it was soft and beautiful ,something like cotton...not cold.



When I talk about myself, I often feel like a scarecrow, in the way I might scare with my difference, in the solitude I feel but birds of compassion can relate and understand me thanks the Goddess! It also reminds me of the wizard of Oz, the scarecrow that is so funny and sweet and only wants a brain,knowledge,understanding of things...

I have a brain of course but I'm constantly searching for new knowledge,wisdom,positive influence,I need to understand things always...

the writing are first bouddha's quote:" the mind is everything what we think we become" and that's true:)

then I have added: so what can stop you now, shed and burry your wrong beliefs certain souls can see behind your appearance it's your life it's your dream you can't be blind and death to it.


I think it was interesting also to work on a rather masculine figure:)
I also need to talk to the dark prince in me you know.
I am very feminine,most of my art sounds feminist, a celebration of women with her breaks,lights,knowledges and failures. but I am complete in the sense I know there is a man in me. not only the men of my life, the mentors but the yang of my being.

It's easier in French anyways because for a human being we can say "un Homme"."les hommes",I belong to this, genderless.

Today I've had my apointement at the local agency for employment to talk to them about my project to make a living from my art.
It's all complicated, especially because in some ways you need money to begin.
Hopeful my fiancé will end school in June ,get his diploma and find a job quickly:)

then we'll find a new apartment and I'll be able to work more seriously and in concret in my projects.

At the moment, I do all I can,I work,I share,I sell, I collect ideas of all the things I can do, I have to accept to grow slowly and that all the projects won't be able to be completed in one year ^_^ I'm so impatient sometimes:)

I was so touched last night,venting,pouring my heart to Sebastien and he told me I really had my own style and that was one of the most important for an artist, to have one's identity.

I am also so immensely grateful for the support I receive, for the people who recognize my style, that touches me so much!

I might be full of doubts, so introverted/shy( hate that word:p because paradoxically I am very frank and honest I say what I think and some people can't hear that sometimes!) shyness implies a fear I guess and I don't fear others, I trust my soul I am just so uncomfortable to have to speak in public, but to give class one day it will be different ^-^ because anytime I speak art I'm so vehement,dancing with emotions and colors, it's one of my language with poetry, the written words:)

so yes in spite of sometimes being my worste enemy I'm heading my path, I have a strong will, I have a deep trust in my soul, in my limitless imagination.

I won't give up.

the Soul & the Sister

sometimes I feel the missing pieces of my soul puzzle ,the missing colors of my mind canvas, the missing melodies of my heart instrument...



1. Open your heart and mind.
2. Honor,respect and celebrate each other.
3. Share personal stories,secrets
4. Send blessings & positive energies for each other.
5. Feel the beyond understanding silver thread that ties our hearts

why keeping on searching without what is within?
Because of the need of interactions,understanding,that magick we cannot explain.

Before meeting Sebastien, Love was still the most important to me though I've searched soul sisters and like minded friends for ever.

I often question myself, am I blind? am I too demanding? am I wrong?am I really asking for an ideal a twin?

truly not.
I dreamt of finding someone like sebastien, who would love me for me and really be caring,unafraid of my temper, my passionate hearts and whimsical mood swings ^_^

so I guess I'll have that special friend too one day.have to be positive,maybe she's on the way, maybe I just can't see it coming now,maybe it'll be in 5 or 10 years.

I still want to love :) but I feel lonely...

survey for my dearest Marina

What artists inspire you in your everyday life?

many artists inspires me in every field,may they be writer,painters,collage artist or singer...there would be too many to mention so I will sum it up to Tori amos and all piano rock women,who are very involved who share their deepest thoughts and want to make the mass evolve and find their own creativity or meaning in life.I love the idealist in actions who are realistic dreamers like I am.

In what ways are you creative? in my writing I guess not always for sure;)in my mixed media work, in my way of dressing up , I think creativity is inherent to me and I always have a hard time understanding others who aren't creative, it's something kind of weird to me, I feel it's just easy,you just have to get intoxicated with sweet madness and let go ;)it's a door to freedom and individuality,personality:)

What are your favourite boy names? Remi,Tristan,Valentin,Logan,sören...

What are your favourite girl names?Everdeene,Louka-Hannah,Marina,Alice,Eva,Adah,MyraBellah etc...Hopefully I'll have a baby girl next year ;) I'm so fascinated with names:)especially feminine names:)

If you could learn any foreign language, what would it be? I'd love to learn again Italian and spanish for I have forgotten so much,then I'd love to learn turkish and greek and sanskrit:)but I'm too lazy and procastinating for this;)

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be? NEPAL & INDIA then the whole world;)


The kind of people you love: deep in everything,in their kind sweetness,in their intelligence,in their creativity,in the way they talk and think:) I love very intelligent and mature persons who have a real personality and who do something to make a change,to touch,to heal,to make this world be more human.


If you could completely get rid of one fashion trend that you personally don't like,what would it be?: oh I don't care much about fashion, I think it's normal though that at adolescence we feel the need to belong to a trend. I'd rather belong to the magical circle of the Witches of Light ^_^

Can you trust people? well to be honest it depends,if my heart is attracted or touched then I want and need to trust or else I can't create a bond. But I'm often pessimistic with people, I tend to be surprised by persons and I'm very grateful for that!


What would you say is the most daring thing to do in a lifetime? just being deeply Honest and Real,no masks,no fake ideals or nice words to please the crowds, no sheep thing, going one's path and with all your passion:)

I also think it's very daring to Love, to really Love ,giving yourself,being there for others,listening,being aware,feeling the empathy...I think very few people really love.
I don't love everyday, I am real and honest, there are dark days when everything collapse and I just can't love, that would be then a daring thing for me to try and love in spite of the hurt and emptiness I can feel some days...

Name your favorite type of music and why: piano women:) because piano is in my heart for ever,it's soothing and spiritual to me.

Name an instrument you've never played but would like to: piano:)

Your perfume: noa by cacharel or white musk by sephora

Describe your dress sense: I don't dress up that much now that I'm more often inside than outside so I think my dress sense is nobody cares let's be casual there will be paint accidents on it anyways ;oP ahah
but if I want to be nicely dressed I am creative,love to be crazy ,colorful,original,kind of Bohemian and stylish ^_^

First piercing? I don't like fashion and things like that to belong like tatoos and piercings, I just have ear pierced but being home makes me forget to wear some for a while...but I love ear rings and jewelry so much=)

Name 6 of your favourite bands and singers: howie day,tori amos,vienna teng,fiona apple,bel canto,hannah fury,an pierlé....I can't name just 6;)

When you go into a bookshop, which section do you head for? poetry ,literature and philosophy but I also like the psychology section:) I love learning about the human being,trying to understand better.

What is your dream job?: artist,writer,singer...

If you could have ANY animal for a pet, what would it be: just a cat is fine for me ^___^

Favorite clothes brands/ designers: don't care much, I wear what I like, I'm not advertising anyone:P

Who's your favorite author? I love emily dickinson,christian bobin,sylvia plath and many others...persons who are inspiring ,poetic and deep.

What inspires you? life,humanity,and my love for these,colors,the muses of the daily life,Passion/love, the beauty of Nature,emotions, hinduism ,buddhism and positive thinking.

Artwords! here I am :)

this is my interpretation for the theme of this week: morning.

to me morning implies a new beginning that we often forget when we feel sad,alone,depressed...we sometimes forget that there will be another morning and that the light will come again.
I just wanted to talk about this and maybe I will remember this for good;)
anytime I get really down I'm focused on that night, those shadows.of course I learn a lot in this darkness but I also could try and see from another view and keep in mind that it's just all about the great opposites: night and day, tears and smile,end and beginnings:)

so here it's the morning of Bliss:) when I wake up on new friendships with lots of hopes and sweet enthusiasm ^_^

on the path to rebirth

mixed media
24x32 cm
She who turns the wheel of the Heavens

I have been inspired by Ishtar(also called innana in Armenian) and Arianrhod who are both multifaceted goddesses.
They both have a special love for nature.They both evokes the cycles and changes of life,death versus life or better death in life and life in death.

I think Ishtar can be compared to Persephone, I guess they just named her differently or these archetypes are very related.
They both are unafraid to venture the into the depths of the underworld.

I think this is how I found myself back.
I have reconnecting to the feminine creative,I am unafraid of my darkness ,I venture the unknown to push myself and also to get to know myself better.

I need to grow, the only thing that always hold me back from growing is the idea of death,it holds me back from living too,from enjoying things I have or I want ,like this yearning to be a mother...


a better shot but alas here I can not show the bigger size as it doesn't work,see it at my livejournal( lilaccanopy)

I think I have thought about death way too much lately.
I thought that if I was still scared of death how could I be a good mother when they will know about it, will I lie? will I pretend it's okay?

I still don't understand this idea of death, sure I try to re-create it,adorn it.

I would really love to believe Life might be a passage ,a room giving access to something else,something bigger.
We are human and limited,our idea of death is a human idea,maybe there is another reality...maybe my human and perhaps childish hard way to accept the idea of death leads me to have wings and fly away from my roots,but I know I need to reconnect to my roots to feel complete.

I can't wait for Spring to come, to lie down the lawn and listen to the humming of Gaia.

I don't know why but I think I remind me of Pokahontas here;)

to come back to the Goddesses, Arianrhod is also called "high fruitful mother who turns the wheel of the heavens"and Isthar means " giver of Light"

I feel the mother in me that wants to be a positive thinking sharer and hope giver.I love the moon symbol linked to soul changes and mood swings.
I think us women sense this deeper, I think a lot about Life is feminine strenght,Nature,Earth...

I have been inspired by the so beautiful knowledge cards by Susan seddon and Michael babcock.

This artwork took me such a long time,I think the more I work and progress the more I need to take time on the details in the collage/painting.

I think I prefer this collage from all my new endeavours:)I don't say it's beautiful but I am glad how it turned.For I really don't like the other, I keep them as testimony of the evolution and changes in my art.

I still think that maybe there is too many things in one collage, but maybe it is to show the fusion, my alter ego and nature.

well I surely wanted to say a lot more but I can't think right now,sorry for the mistakes if there is some;)It's late & I'm off to bed!
Yoga truly tired me today,so much energy.

It was really good anyways and needed

We had another teacher today as the other one was ill so it was very different and I enjoyed it:)
She advised us to do massage with lavender oil to our feet and hands each evening before sleeping to feel relax:)
so yes all natural essential oils are very expensive but today I decided to buy it:p
so I'm going to have a massage :)

Yesterday I was feeling very sweet and could be the witness again about the sweetness of human beings at the gym class,I am feeling back in touch with humanity and seeing things clearer like our flaws,our silly needs to be right sometimes,or to want to understand everything question way too much instead of letting just living.

I hope everyone has had or is having a lovely Valentine's day,even if you are alone there is someone who love you , there is Love for everyone,for Love is immense and can't be reduced to having a lover.

so Cherish all the things that matters to you, celebrate what is rare and welcome feelings,there is so much to love & get nurtured by.

I don't celebrate Valentine's day,for lately it was my 6 years anniversary with sebastien so that's more important:)
I can't believe it!6 years! How times flies!

I'm feeling very blessed and lucky again,I see who are my friends and making new ones, I will cherish these bonds and not be afraid to share,get attached and lose if I have to. I want to give love:)especially to those who inspire it to me.

the true sharing...

Frayed silver ties, this work is 24x32 cm and difficult for me to scan or take picture!
I think this work could have been so much better if I wasn't so bold and hadn t paint over my face:P
but it's also interesting to try.

the nose and mouth was so hard to draw!I have show the step by step of the collage/painting at my flickr if you're interested to see the process;)
and I am going to update my website to let you know how I did the background:)


this new piece that I have finished yesterday evening, is title Friendless Eidolon, for I have been feeling terribly alone in my world and transparent like a ghost lately.
we all do experience this in some ways sometimes.

that might be my favourite in my terrible latest works:)
I am giving a try to that new more self representing kind of work,it might look narcissistic for the narrow minded person who can't understand the need to create,build and re-create oneself,due to the pain you can endure sometimes the fundations collapse a bit and you have to build things back,be stronger...

I have colored my face with gel pens ,pencil and real blush so that I didn't damage the piece too much!

The background is rather not pretty to my taste but I wanted to work more the collage, the alter ego than making a striking background.

the skeleton is there to remind me my humanity( I belong) and also to evoke death.

Death always make me feel severed, either I feel Goddess I have to live now deeper,give more,love more and really cherish and take care of what I already am lucky to have instead of counting the loss and letting my sensitivity be stucked in this.

I am totally pissed off my lack of confidence because people are kind to me most of the time,of course I can meet few insulting persons here and there,or some who have the time to say " not my cup of tea"

I totally understand people can not like my work.I dont like my recent works,but I take these as work,process,progress,learning you know.
I dont intend to sell them,I want to express myself...

Think lately I have been suffering and lost the real meaning of my art making due to not being able to pay my bills with my art!

ahah,it takes time, I have to go on,working,being patient!if that's what I want to do I can not give up right now!

I still inspire and can be useful to others in this process which is more important than making money for the idealist in me!


I have to understand that not making a living with my art right now shouldn't under value my work.
I have felt like giving up a thousand times lately, I was like, well maybe I am not an artist and I'll never be successful...what is an artist? what is successful?


sure I can envy those who make a living and ache because I still am not there or I can trust my soul,work again and again and get closer to what is art meant to be for me,why I need to create.
this might do me good.

I will always be crying,lamenting and complaining if I don't embrace my imperfections, if I don't love myself unconditionnally.

these are phases of life,after all I am very positive and hopeful right now, I think I already know that,but anytime I come to very gloomy depths,I feel like "oh goddess how will I find the strenght and energy to rise again and be myself for real?

Maybe I should vent more and be more honest,but then I will be very hard to understand ahah!
what I already am?

we all are in some ways.

I was very comforted to feel I might belong somewhere.
reading other artist (in mixed media)'s blog and being able to relate to some of them.It was reassuring not to be alone in this.

I should remember this maybe,anytime we ache ,someone does too & maybe we could share to heal together, to help or listen each other,to feel understood.

I dream of that Real sincere profound honest and sweet sisterhood!

that's who I am inside, not the dark selfish egocentric girl who is craving for love.
I need love.

but I want the sharing more than anything!
I will prove myself I can really make friends for life,nevermind if they are penpal or internet friends, who knows we might meet sometimes:)

Open your eyes little me!be positive!

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau


I'm not sure if I understand this quote right, I feel so very exhausted, but I cannot find the quotes of today, maybe I should write it myself?;)

Maybe the tears of the past days have helped grow the roses of an unknown space in my garden and this way nothing is lost.
all the love I have given and felt turns into a sore tidal wave of emotions but maybe finally we'll always get something back from life when we keep giving and believing?


this collage : Frayed silver ties

will make a step by step for the background soon at my website!:)

Waterfalls...

a barrier's just broken and tears are pouring down...

PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 19): Your charm is at your disposal today as you express your needs with the smoothness of a well-trained entertainer. But your message isn't necessarily entertaining, for you have very real issues you want to explore. Resist the temptation to keep your discussions light and easy. If you risk stepping into the shadows, you will be justly rewarded.


I just cannot talk about how I feel truly because I am rather bored about it and very jaded...

well to be honest I feel bad showing this.
I have made it with a load of self doubt which is so useless and never good to make an artist improve...I am so stuck these days...my emotions drives me mad.

oh and black painting is definetly not for me...

the words say(translated as it's written in French:" the gates will stay closed for a while I will exhume the secrets beneath the darkness, nobody should enter.
My wings are bleeding the ink of concealed thoughts ,what remains deep inside of me...you've got my face the power of my words but sometimes you're not me anymore..."

I don't like this artwork much due to its awkwardness I feel. I know when I am daring when I just jump into the void when I make art.
and here I was tied...I really have to let go to empty all these things I keep inside, I hold for nothing...who cares after all?

What do I fear?
People might laugh? people might think oooh ooh she's back in depression yay!
good for her that's all she deserves!

or people might think I am the pathetic stereotype of the artist,when truly I have made most of my work with enthusiasm and positive energy except maybe for the beginning...and some phases...

I am incredibly sad for I can not make friends. I cannot feel that beauty, that bond I cherish
Everyone I know goes away in the end!

and though I have been able to express the anger , I have concealed the sorrow and it's a real sharp and deep gashes.

I feel all of a sudden there was no one anymore around me but my sebastien and my cat.
I also know that now It's pretty difficult for me to open up and want to create a real bond, I am silent and distant because I also have other worries adding to this solitude of the soul.

I keep on wondering if I'll ever savour some kind of pseudo happiness...I'm already grateful for the blissful moments, the things I have shared but I really often come too close to that awful impression and maybe some other piscean fellows can relate, it's full of a spirit fatigue & it makes you wonder if it finally won't ever change ,you'll ever come down to this: nothing makes me really happy!

I am a deeply emotional person but anytime I am close to falling down I wear the masks of coldness bitterness numbness not to go deeper.
In my art I dig deeper to find the pieces, to mend again, to remember who I really am.

I am a spiritual witch of Light and I am heading towards some kind of completeness & I am often considered like a listener, I can empathize a lot but when I'm that sad I protect myself and stay away from everything and everyone.

I know I always have something new to learn in this. I know we're always so alone in this.

these are some of my recent squared art and a mini card(bigger than atcs)











I always feel so in phase with Persephone due to the fact I often have to go 6 months in my chaotic dry cold & dark underworld...
I always thought what was next?I was excited about life and had dreams & plans,but lately even my greatest yearning to be a mother got all chocked under the self-doubt and all my incapacity to deal with all the emotions getting the best of me...

I can't even believe I'm turning 28 next month.
It's so silly to get obssessed and so depressed each year before my bday.
But hopefully it'll be like next year and in March I'll be super happy ,enthusiastic and ready to spread Love around again like the poetic terrorist I am.

(I still honestly know that some things in me attach me to this melanchollic thoughts, it's good when it's inspiring it's pure waste of energy when it just makes me cry and feel so exhausted...)
Deep inside of me I know I still Love life I just have to find back those roots that made me cherish it made me celebrate it.

Maybe winter is just made of insomnia, tears and loads of dark waves...
What is important now is for me to be honest with myself,expressing how I feel...denying can truly push me towards the worse.

I think too many things have been added and now the new sad thing is that Sebastien might not be able to go on holidays with me...& it was our first vacations to the mountains since 6 years, it would have been needed because I am always at home( unemployed/trying to be a full time artist,thriving and aching for this sometimes...)and I don't have any friends around , I wanted something new, a change, was it too much to ask?

The idea of going there with my parents alone, makes me feel so bad.
I love them they are wonderful but I don't know when we'll be able to have an holidays together then...seb will end school this year and have to find a job and as we will be moving in a place where there is more activity I will search for a job too again surely and if I'm feeling seriously better maybe we'll think of having a baby( though right now I just am too dark for this, giving life is too precious I have to be able to enjoy and be grateful for it).

In my no (wo)man's land life

"One should rise above "the pairs of opposites""

and that's what I am going to do.I guess it takes time and we live sort of circles/cycles.death and birth.always.

I am dying lately, I am drowning and burrying a lot of my mind to pick the flowers of the underworld that is inside of my secret chaos.depths.

I don't think I am that unhappy. I am loved and I love but not as much as ever, as it's reducing. I don't open my doors, I have recently locked lots of them.
Maybe it was just needed at that time.

I often think I am a waste for I really have so much to share with the other.

I'll find a way to reunite and be at peace with myself, when I have express in my art all the imbalances.

I'm walking naked in my canvas & the more I hurt for silly reasons the more I feel drawn to abstract art.
you'll see that today in the one collage a day series. I really love abstract art.
I need to burn my doubts.

(smile)

Undergo, mixed media artwork

the writings says:
Each time I'm going deeper & further in the unphathomable depths of my soul. I listen to the somber chaos so fragile & yearning for the Light You can wear shadows & remain but a fae child you can be torn & still have some petals of truth petals of you to share sometimes in the worse darkness we can see clearer I know I have to give up my fears let my own ebony roots nurture my soul It's time to protect what's mine my garden will grow in spite of the landslides"


I could also have went on writing, that my darkness teaches me a lot, make feel stronger in many ways.not only that stereotyped " what doesn't kill make you stronger" something that whatever we live anyways we will encounter our own darkness, may they be failures,delusions,disapointments and so forth...I often wants to deny my darkness,reject it whereas listening closely to it could make me walk further and jump higher:)

I have been so depressed lately. On some days I just cry. the whole day.
It's all very inside thing because I cannot cry for real as much as I did,except watching movies,feeling empathy ;)

I am very glad about that artwork!really it was an awful beginning when I saw hw the painting turned, it looks very damaged and not clean you know, but I finally went on making that work...I was thinking "oh it s ugly, it's gonna be a failure!" etc
but I kept walking in my inside world.

The muse on it inspired me lots, thank you again for Jessica and her beautiful picture!

Of course it could have been more detailed in the subterrean territory but maybe I wanted to hide secrets, they are deeper, we can't show it all on a 24x32 cm sheet of paper.

I've worked with a watercolor paper sheet, more expensive but a better feeling to be honest:)
I have put a layer of gesso , I love gesso,it's my new addiction ^_^
already said? well yes I'm aging for sure ;)