mardi 13 février 2007
the true sharing...
Frayed silver ties, this work is 24x32 cm and difficult for me to scan or take picture!
I think this work could have been so much better if I wasn't so bold and hadn t paint over my face:P
but it's also interesting to try.
the nose and mouth was so hard to draw!I have show the step by step of the collage/painting at my flickr if you're interested to see the process;)
and I am going to update my website to let you know how I did the background:)
this new piece that I have finished yesterday evening, is title Friendless Eidolon, for I have been feeling terribly alone in my world and transparent like a ghost lately.
we all do experience this in some ways sometimes.
that might be my favourite in my terrible latest works:)
I am giving a try to that new more self representing kind of work,it might look narcissistic for the narrow minded person who can't understand the need to create,build and re-create oneself,due to the pain you can endure sometimes the fundations collapse a bit and you have to build things back,be stronger...
I have colored my face with gel pens ,pencil and real blush so that I didn't damage the piece too much!
The background is rather not pretty to my taste but I wanted to work more the collage, the alter ego than making a striking background.
the skeleton is there to remind me my humanity( I belong) and also to evoke death.
Death always make me feel severed, either I feel Goddess I have to live now deeper,give more,love more and really cherish and take care of what I already am lucky to have instead of counting the loss and letting my sensitivity be stucked in this.
I am totally pissed off my lack of confidence because people are kind to me most of the time,of course I can meet few insulting persons here and there,or some who have the time to say " not my cup of tea"
I totally understand people can not like my work.I dont like my recent works,but I take these as work,process,progress,learning you know.
I dont intend to sell them,I want to express myself...
Think lately I have been suffering and lost the real meaning of my art making due to not being able to pay my bills with my art!
ahah,it takes time, I have to go on,working,being patient!if that's what I want to do I can not give up right now!
I still inspire and can be useful to others in this process which is more important than making money for the idealist in me!
I have to understand that not making a living with my art right now shouldn't under value my work.
I have felt like giving up a thousand times lately, I was like, well maybe I am not an artist and I'll never be successful...what is an artist? what is successful?
sure I can envy those who make a living and ache because I still am not there or I can trust my soul,work again and again and get closer to what is art meant to be for me,why I need to create.
this might do me good.
I will always be crying,lamenting and complaining if I don't embrace my imperfections, if I don't love myself unconditionnally.
these are phases of life,after all I am very positive and hopeful right now, I think I already know that,but anytime I come to very gloomy depths,I feel like "oh goddess how will I find the strenght and energy to rise again and be myself for real?
Maybe I should vent more and be more honest,but then I will be very hard to understand ahah!
what I already am?
we all are in some ways.
I was very comforted to feel I might belong somewhere.
reading other artist (in mixed media)'s blog and being able to relate to some of them.It was reassuring not to be alone in this.
I should remember this maybe,anytime we ache ,someone does too & maybe we could share to heal together, to help or listen each other,to feel understood.
I dream of that Real sincere profound honest and sweet sisterhood!
that's who I am inside, not the dark selfish egocentric girl who is craving for love.
I need love.
but I want the sharing more than anything!
I will prove myself I can really make friends for life,nevermind if they are penpal or internet friends, who knows we might meet sometimes:)