mardi 13 février 2007

the true sharing...

extract closer 'frayed silver ties'

Frayed silver ties, this work is 24x32 cm and difficult for me to scan or take picture!
I think this work could have been so much better if I wasn't so bold and hadn t paint over my face:P
but it's also interesting to try.

the nose and mouth was so hard to draw!I have show the step by step of the collage/painting at my flickr if you're interested to see the process;)
and I am going to update my website to let you know how I did the background:)
Friendless Eidolon

this new piece that I have finished yesterday evening, is title Friendless Eidolon, for I have been feeling terribly alone in my world and transparent like a ghost lately.
we all do experience this in some ways sometimes.

that might be my favourite in my terrible latest works:)
I am giving a try to that new more self representing kind of work,it might look narcissistic for the narrow minded person who can't understand the need to create,build and re-create oneself,due to the pain you can endure sometimes the fundations collapse a bit and you have to build things back,be stronger...

I have colored my face with gel pens ,pencil and real blush so that I didn't damage the piece too much!

The background is rather not pretty to my taste but I wanted to work more the collage, the alter ego than making a striking background.

the skeleton is there to remind me my humanity( I belong) and also to evoke death.

Death always make me feel severed, either I feel Goddess I have to live now deeper,give more,love more and really cherish and take care of what I already am lucky to have instead of counting the loss and letting my sensitivity be stucked in this.

I am totally pissed off my lack of confidence because people are kind to me most of the time,of course I can meet few insulting persons here and there,or some who have the time to say " not my cup of tea"

I totally understand people can not like my work.I dont like my recent works,but I take these as work,process,progress,learning you know.
I dont intend to sell them,I want to express myself...

Think lately I have been suffering and lost the real meaning of my art making due to not being able to pay my bills with my art!

ahah,it takes time, I have to go on,working,being patient!if that's what I want to do I can not give up right now!

I still inspire and can be useful to others in this process which is more important than making money for the idealist in me!


I have to understand that not making a living with my art right now shouldn't under value my work.
I have felt like giving up a thousand times lately, I was like, well maybe I am not an artist and I'll never be successful...what is an artist? what is successful?


sure I can envy those who make a living and ache because I still am not there or I can trust my soul,work again and again and get closer to what is art meant to be for me,why I need to create.
this might do me good.

I will always be crying,lamenting and complaining if I don't embrace my imperfections, if I don't love myself unconditionnally.

these are phases of life,after all I am very positive and hopeful right now, I think I already know that,but anytime I come to very gloomy depths,I feel like "oh goddess how will I find the strenght and energy to rise again and be myself for real?

Maybe I should vent more and be more honest,but then I will be very hard to understand ahah!
what I already am?

we all are in some ways.

I was very comforted to feel I might belong somewhere.
reading other artist (in mixed media)'s blog and being able to relate to some of them.It was reassuring not to be alone in this.

I should remember this maybe,anytime we ache ,someone does too & maybe we could share to heal together, to help or listen each other,to feel understood.

I dream of that Real sincere profound honest and sweet sisterhood!

that's who I am inside, not the dark selfish egocentric girl who is craving for love.
I need love.

but I want the sharing more than anything!
I will prove myself I can really make friends for life,nevermind if they are penpal or internet friends, who knows we might meet sometimes:)

1 commentaire:

Tricia Scott a dit…

helene, i wish we lived closer to one another so i could just call you up and invite you over for tea. olivia would just love you because she loves fairies like you do!
i wanted to share with you that I feel lonely a lot too. and unconfident and i am still searching for myself.
i think that you have an incredible style and that you should not give up. be patient with yourself.
you are an artist! and a really really talented one.
you are brave too! brave to share what is in your soul.
i thought of you...who i am calling my friend though we have not met...i thought of you yesterday as i was driving through the country with my husband and daughter. i saw a tree that reminded me of a tree in one of your paintings and i spoke to my husband of you and how it was strange but sometimes i feel i am getting to know my internet friends more closely than my real life friends.
i only have one friend here who does art. everyone else probably thinks i am strange for spending the time i do with my old photos and paper and paints! :)
anyway, just wanted you to know that i will be your penpal!
:)
if you want you can email me at triciascott@cox.net and give me your address. i would like to send you some real life mail!