*** masks and personas***

I was the host again at Create a connection to write these questions for the getting to know you day ^_^ so I guess I will answer them now.




1) tell me about the masks you wear or have worn and why?

I love masks, always been fascinated with them.
the mysteries they imply , the fact we can create another identity behind them and be bolder and less introvert.
I love the beauty of them and the feeling of sacred in them, I am very interested in mask art, I adore the ones from Venise.
I have painted some in the past, plastic butterflies ones and plaster ones.I am thinking .
so I am obviously digressed here ;)

I wear masks sometimes to express my other personas freely no string attached and to keep at bay my inside voices who would try to judge and tell me' it's not you it's not you'
Maybe sometimes we can be different,we are someone but we can be different at times
o_O okay go check yourself girl that's called shizophrenia mwahahahhaahhah

Well I do enjoy the mild shizophrenia reminds me that song I enjoy singing with cat power:

Weighted down by possessions
Weighted down by the gun
Waited down by the river for you to come

And who socks were you darning, poor darling
While I was away, away too long
I went away to see an old friend of mine
Sister came over and knew she was out of her mind
She says "Jesus has a twin who don't know nothing about sin"
She was half crazy and out of her mind

Weighted down by possessions
Weighted down with a gun
Waiting down by the river for you to come

Her light eyes were dancing she is insane
Her brother says she's just a bitch on a golden chain
She keeps coming closer saying
"I can feel it in my bones, schizophrenia is taking me home"

Weighted down by possessions
I'm weighted down with my gun
I'm waiting down by the river for you to come.

(it's a sonic youth cover)

I am not schizo because I always know what I am doing I see it,just sometimes some persona pops up and takes the place :D

I really love nicki/jessica in heroes for this.

I have worn masks in the past because I felt people wanted me to :)
I have worn masks to protect others from the truth, to protect myself from their judging ashamed worried sad or not understanding eyes.

but I hardly wear those masks anymore. I don't cheat with the ones I cherish.
I'm freer than before and I handle things better.
If my beloved ones dont understand or judge me I am then sorry for them, I don't want to upset them or make them feel worried etc, but I am still happy to do what I want.
They think what they want and I do what I want and everyone is Happy in the greatest world ever :-)




2) do you use masks to hide or to show pieces of yourself?
in both times tell us details if you are willing to share ;)

oh Helenina you're kind of repeating yourself from question above, but ok, I will answer ;oP

Well maybe sometimes I still need to hide things because I need to keep things separated and fine where they are and maybe I find my mysteries back ^_^

I think I mostly wear masks to be more daring in sharing my whole self.and it works.
These masks help me give me more confidence and I need that because I am a very sensitive and easily disheartened about it all when I feel not satisfied with my paiting for instance.




3)how do you find balance with your different personas?tell us more about these personas, the ones you need to keep secrets and why?not telling exactly who they are of course, I respect your secrets ;)

I have told a lot about my different persona, and I forget some things to add to

this

It's not easy to find balance, this is why we all are paradoxical human beings.

I think It's safer to keep some personas secret because of the connections people can make or maybe they can end up seeing you as one of your persona and forget who you really are.
I feel bad when something is stuck to me, a label.

It's like when you do something once, people end up seeing you like this and they forget all the rest about you, it s quite frustrating...

anyways I am a cerebral woman who can listens to Britney spears and I love carebears and cute things as much as I like broken toys and tim burton's realm or dark aesthetism like in the Mirrormask oh and I surely can do weirder things, very opposites things.

A movie worth watching for the artwork!
BEAU.TI.FUL


4)How do you deal with your " blue muse" (word by Pattie mosca I think ;) it s the dark twin inside that can drown you, a piece of you who is the insecure and torn part of your personality( the needy one)?


It depends. sometimes she comes out of the blue :D
I sometimes don't deal with her, I get frustrated sad angry and I don't know why because I don't want to hear and listen to her complaints judgements and needs.

She can be so harsh to me, but I think we are our own worst enemy sometimes.

When I choose to deal with her, I feed her creatively.
I take the time, sometimes I do feel imbalanced because she can take me further I can or should go and then it creates the inside war.
But we're more at peace than ever. she's like my inner siamese twin but separated :)

5) have you ever lied, denied and worn a mask to protect others or to keep chin up etc?

Of course, I have maybe worn the mask of arrogance more than once when I felt hurt and angry by the way people treated but I did not know how to handle the harsh words.
I am still emotive a lot but I handle things better.
I know arrogance speech is broken ego. and I am not an egotistic kind of person.
Though I enjoy talking about me I love listening and getting to know others.
I am interesting in the others.

I never lie to precious ones but I love omission sometimes or delaying truths.
Sometimes I protect myself again in this :-)

But as a conclusion I would like to say that if I don't share all my personas it is not because I am feeling bad though there are painful processes in discovery new things about us sometimes.
I think it is rather to spare your soul.
OH and I don't want to feel I have to explain things.

I love freedom,I love cat power and I'm sharing with you this song tonight because it's so beautiful to sing and to dream .




but I think I prefer this version:




that was my Captain illustration friday but it was too late to submit it though I had it done early, anyways busy and procrastinating me sometimes.

why Captain because she was the captain/leader of her own vessel( soul)sailing on the seas of this life.

She always had such a strength and determination in the eyes, like a sort of queen of sabaa, she makes me think of a Feminine Spokeswoman, that is there to open the path for her sisters, to tell her yes you can be this and that, yes you are free to be entirely and unconditionnally yourself because it is your life after all and you can live on frustrations or with 'what if I would do that" 'oh if only I could do this"

Live here and now sisters!
She is also spokeswomen for her sisters in Africa and Asia countries where women are sometimes denied,awfully treated,not respected, far from free and so forth

she is a reminder.
We're still living in a man's world and we have to take the power back.
In this I don't mean bad.
I don't mean this as riot girl feminism as I dont identify to this.
I just mean it for The Feminine's sake being women not trying to become like men.
I don't mean it as sexism either.

As even if it's quite rare nowadays I can enjoy males company except those in my family and my dear Love sébastien, I don't have anything against men.





I really love this latter one and I am still the idealistic ones who will tell you People will love you for the honesty within your soul ;)

The strange strangeness of existence

Getting to know you day, soul searching


I would have a lot to write, but it's getting late, I will reply to my own questions(yes indeed;)tomorrow if I can:)
you can have look to the link above and share your answers with me



Garden of Infatuations.

And my new series: The faery Knowledge collection.

I had this in mind for a while but never began it.
I will see how it goes.
Maybe I will make 10 of them or 100 ?
we'll see what the faeries have to teach me;)and you:)

no really it's not teaching,they come and go and they share their own philosophies.
sometimes it's sticky honey we can not really apply in our daily life at some moment.
But it's always poetic and lovely sayings that warm up the heart and I love it!
well parts of me love it, there is still the dark grumpy one who says " hey you H.honey where is the gloom? where is the darkness? I dont feel home here in these rainbow lands"









and here is my Illustration Friday: Missing
I titled it: Lacuna
beautiful word that could be a metaphore for a lot of things...

there is a lot in this painting,emotions,soul sharing,secrets,honesty and also a lot of unsaid.
It can be interpreted different ways and of course I am always glad when people can relate to my work and understand or remember pieces of them through my paintings.


***Many blessings, sweet dreams***

: Spiritual growth: Doors and windows

On wednesday I was the host for the getting to know you day,here was the questions I asked everyone & my answers to them:)
feel free to share your answers with me:)



1)which are the latest doors in your mind, your world, you had to close, to feel safe, to stop bearing grudges, to just learn to say goodbye and to move on?


I think the latest doors I have closed was the grudge one.
I have been so betrayed and hurt by soul sisters I loved so much.
some of them I really loved with passion to be honest.
the hurt is as big as the love you feel.

I had to heal. but in the meantime I grow weary of friendship, I could not trust and love again.
then with thinking and focusing on the beauty on what I had to give on what I really wanted, I finally mend the pieces in me.
I have forgived.
I have told myself it was not that bad to have trust, to have given to person who did not saw how important and rare it all was, nevermind...

I am very happy now I have closed these doors.
I am very glad I have decided to turn the page and begin new ones:)

I think it is true, it's always better after the hurt, you really can meet the souls you want to share with ^_^
I am lucky for it and I enjoy this feeling, this awareness:)

I have also closed the doors of guilt. well still trying to. it sometimes opens again against my will;)
I am trying to close this door that make me think this cannot work with this, you can't be this and that!
people won't love you if they know!
How can you be/behave this way?

I close these doors, I free my mind and move on. If there is only one life I want to live it deeply and not stop or block myself.
sometimes we judge ourselves, we think this is not right,we think too much of consequences, risks taken and if it will be worth it.
I want to think differently.
I just want to live,experience,share,and sip the beauty of being alive:)

and nevermind if I'll be judged and seen wrongly, and misinterpreted and reduced to things I can do sometimes, feel, say etc

we are more than what we do , we have many personas, we are always and never the same and this chameleons is pleasant, it breaks routine, it opens door for me, it is a part of inspiration,discovering always,pushing limits
never hurting myself neither anyone:)

I think we all do judge others and their attitudes or behaviours way too quickly just because they can be different.
this is not fair, however lame or pathetic you think they can appear look be, they are more than this!
I believe in what's under our mistakes.faults.flaws.breaks.and so forth:)




2) do you believe in Hellen keller's famous quote (that I love)
that when a door closes another one opens and how did it showed in your life? any stories to tell?think about it;)


well sometimes yes sometimes no, but it depends on my mood, when I'm grumpy and so sad I can't see things clear of course.

but I always try my best to wait and see, be patient
Because it's all in this, Patience's hands

I am someone who loves Hopes.
I think now what matters is not to dwell before the closed doors
it is to accept and go on our journey, there are several paths to choose & we're always fine,blessed and free when we carry our home inside our soul/heart.


4)Sometimes all doors are closed, but there are Window
the third eyes is the biggest window of our mind.
How do you escape this way? how do you heal travelling by that window?
what are the thoughts that appeases you when all doors are closed in your life on your path?


My third eyes helps me a lot to visualize things , to see things in a better view.
I have a lot of spiritual trips, without drugs rest assured mwahahhahahhahha ^___^
I am not such a Hippie ;)

I escape of course through meditation,yoga , art and writing.

I am a lucky person because I have this deep wide potential to create, to imagine!
I am very blessed and grateful to be able to hear the muses and receive messages from far far away realms;)

When I want to heal something in me, I visualyze my inner room, my haven, I find this place within where I can feel safe, and remember all the beauty , the reasons to live again and not give up.


4)Eyes are often seen as the windows of the souls? would you agree?
do you feel people's soul this way? is the gaze something important to you?
do you feel you're an open book when someone reads in your eyes?

I don't know. I love trusting my intuition:)
I love eyes
I think it's a beautiful body part. it's so mysterious, saying so much still hiding so much.
I think my love sebastien can read in my eyes, my mother too maybe my father too, but that's all.
Not that I feel myself being a mysterious woman, but I'm a bit cold and aloof in general with people in society so I'm not sure they can read much but sybilline enigmas;)
I also used to feel uninteresting,dumb and so forth because of being so distant,mute and the transparent girl in the corner of the room ah!




5) tell me about the door you need to close and open right now? think. look around. your goals. your regrets. your anger.memories.anything.make peace with yourself.

right now?
denial door.stress door.
off with that!

I am me, I am the way I am, take it or leave I won't change, and nevermind if I disapoint some people.

I have to close the door of stress because it wont help me with my goals, I have to stop doubting too to continue working on my business project!
it s such a lot of work!

I want to open some doors I won't name, yes me mysterious ^___^
and I also am impatient to open the door of my new art studio, my new apartment, my new life,my new realer work life!
Bring it on bring it on!!!!

My latest painting:" I don't know You"
24x32 cm on watercolor paper.







I got a lot of mails this week, was so happy because last week I was feeling very lonely!
Thank you so much to Violet, Maria,Chantal,Dawn and Valerie for their letters and packages and postcards:)
I love love love surprises ^______^

I have made an art trade with Valerie Sokol a very nice and open minded fairy artist:)
she was sweet enough to agree for a trade with me and I received one of her lovely fairy match box, something to take like a lucky charm,unique kind of work:)

so friends, go watch her work and support her art,say hello:) if you like it:)
it's also very pretty as a gift for a special friend who needs some fairy dust ;)

Valerie's shop at etsy
she also makes lovely cards:)

Photo thursday: I spy

create a connection, thursday photo challenge
Katherine asks us to take a picture with any and everything we could find around us so I have had fun gathering some lovely things in the messy sanctuary of mine ^_^

so there is:

- a small journal in which I write poetry, it is a gift from dearest Jen and means so much to me! I love it, a sentimental gift ^_^

-charms and metal embellishments that I adore using in my artwork but as it's expensive hum I m rather collecting them for months and using them rarely;)
I have a stupid fear since childhood: to lack of things I love.
the same for friends, to lose, to have less, less of them...I am like this for everything
so I try little by little to heal this, using things...i try not to care, not to worry...because it is silly,material, I know it costs money but if I have bought it it s better using it no??o_O

this is why I collect stickers and kawaii letter stationnery
a sheet and envie of each in a box, I use the rest but still rarely
I am weird or someone does the same???

I think I am the same for make up products, I need to take care of this obsession!
that's maybe why I buy books and don't read them, how silly I am...
the fear of ends again?

ok let's go back to the picture will you?

- there is a green pen offered by my father for my 15th birthday, I remember not enjoying much the color of it, but when I looked at the price( yes ashamed but that is me, I can not hide the true me, I love that to see the price people pay for me, I know it's sick but it belongs to my childhood story maybe, I dont know...)I was kind of shock, it is so silly to pay an expensive price for just a pen???o_O
but that is really something I love in my Father, he is so generous, seems not to care about money just love to please the ones he loves!
He is so like his mother! and I loved her so much :)

so this pen has a story, a soul,so many memories
he was with me for my baccalaureat I am quite sure!
I took places to other exams with it, I travel with it
etc
- then there is hello kitty :-) love cute things
- a letter because there is always a letter somewhere in the room, ready to be replied to, this one is so beautiful, creative,a real surprise to me, let's be honest I rarely receive that kind of letter...I don't want to judge a book by its cover but honestly fairysoul can be seen and felt in such letters!
that's what I like!

- a deck of fairy divinatory cards
- ear rings
-my engagement ring
-swaroski rhinestones ,love them <3
-a bird plush, a fairy wren, offered by an Australian friend whom I haven t heard of in a while now? where are you?
-goddess knowledge cards offered by Chantal la fée:-)
-a beautiful pink flower barrette
-paint
-prima flowers
-glitter(we all need some fairy dust here and there)
-a mixed media magazine, one of the first I bought at ebay, will surely buy some
I would like to get a year subscription will ask santa claus, but well dont know,it s a lot of money and well I am not sure I would have time to read it ;o)
I still haven't yet read the 3 I have now so... ;)that's just me!!
- a vintage photo

well for more, have a look at the picture ,click and read the notes:)

PLEASE feel free to take part to this dialog day I have done:
dialog day by me

Blessings***

randomness and nostalgia

I feel weird...I don't really know what to think...
I guess I'm feeling kind of worried but I don't really want to write it down.
not like that not here.

I have spent a nice weekend at my parents.
First we went to Lille to buy beautiful watercolor paper...I can't wait to use them but I'm not sure if I can begin anything today, feel tired.
Beauty's in the paper! really! I would have never thought this before! it makes me so happy & excited to buy quality watercolor paper, I always love to imagine how all these white pages will be colored and be alive.

Weekends sometimes make me feel lonely. I dont know. less emails maybe...silly me...

I love seeing my parents, it's always a lovely time for me. Always good food, some laughters, conversations, memories,sharing...
I think my parents are more and more important to me...
I just can not imagine my life without them in this world!

Just like that episode when George homalet loses his father in Gray's anatomy...such a pain
I am sensitive like that, I feel like crying.
I just identify can imagine, I would just feel the world collapse down my feet...I just can not really imagine this you know...
why thinking of it then?

I dont know, I can't deny death, I can't just scorn it to forget about it...I know it is real.

My parents are going for a week in Marocco, I hope everything will be fine and they will have a fabulous time there! They deserve it!

Sebastien has his first interview for a job as a graphist tomorrow
I will surely drive him there because seb can't drive ( no insurance)and trains are few :P

Then Tuesday he will take place a test near Lille to be a graphist as a civil servant which means security of wages for us, but also BIG moving if he is selected!

well if he is selected he will have to take place to another test anyways and then if he succeeds he will have to choose between Paris, Paris suburbs or Lyon

I think both are polluted cities, but as a location I d rather live near Lyon
Paris seems so awful to me!

I think I'd be depressed to live there ,really not for me...

I am so worried also by all these uncertainties
I know life is full of them everyday, we dont know what will happen
we go this or that way and maybe we make mistake
we give our trust or maybe will regret
we give our love and feel worried if it was right

but maybe it's just useless to worry, just wait & see, maybe I should not think about where I'll be and what I'll do in september just take life as it comes...

Perhaps.

When we came back from my parents, we went to a sort of medieval festival in the streets of Cambrai, there are still people in our street right now, all dressed in medieval times, doing small street theatre, there are shops too...

There was beautiful jewelries, fairies and trolls, so pretty ooooh and beautiful witches!! love that! there were all lucky charm.
love that.
I also wanted to buy me amber ear rings, I have always wanted these,dreamt sebastien would buy them to me one day? who knows...but still not.
well he was ok to buy them...just that I'd rather be surprised in fact.
I love ambers, yet it's not my color, or not a color I really like, I mean I have very hardly any orange clothes in fact...
It's like green I rarely wear green,I think it does not suit me well maybe...

well let's do my F list...

1)Friendship(without it life lacks colors I guess...)
2)Fire(fascination)
3)failure ( something hard to digest)
4)faillible( I think we all make mistakes, I try to be very indulgent and accept people's attitude even if sometimes it might hurt I try to forgive and see if things can be worked out if there is something behind their attitude, I dont forget people's potential...
5)forgiveness, I am very ambivalente about it sometimes yes sometimes no
it depends I mean.
there are things that cross my mind and I feel no ways this can not be forgiven!
but as for friends I think I can generally forgive.
I am sometimes daring to be naive and to be wrong, like the last time I gave Eva a chance, I thought she was real and sincere in her letter that this time she would not leave with silence to offer...she showed how she was feeling bad about her mistakes and though secretly parts of me knew she would do the same I just thought I couldn't close my door to her, soul sisters are so rare!
I knew she would leave, I knew it was a possibilities but I preferred to share the time she wanted to give me, I did not know how long or little it would be , I just enjoyed it deeply.
would I forgive again?
surely.
But it'll never ever be like before. I dwell in possibilities and sometimes it's just too late to find back what we had.

life is life. I don't feel any regrets though.
I think of her right now just because I got a full deco( decorated booklets to decorate a page and pass on and on from penpals to another and then back to the person its made for) made by her for me, writing to my dearest friend Helenina...

time flies...

but it's true that this made me think that True friendship is such a difficult thing to get, I wonder how people do to have friends with whom they keep contact and know it'll be forever, trust in this, they just feel it...

I have often felt it and been wrong. I dont know what to think.
But I love my friends.

6)Freedom, the most beautiful utopia, I mean it. Because I can't believe we are free
knowing we're walking this only big certainty to die and be separated from our beloved ones, ok, maybe not...maybe it's different, maybe I'm just scared, maybe I'm loving life too much...
I feel some freedom though in my art, when I write, when I can share my soul with beloved ones, when I love, when I want to give, it's a freedom because your heart feels so light and luminous...

I wish there would be more freedom of thoughts in this world, when I see women in some countries, I feel very sad...

7)fae child, the inner tiny fae spirit inside your soul that can teach you so much, that can tell you anything is possible at anytime of the day,this spontaneity, this cheerful enthusiasm, this inspiration , a deliverance maybe, freedom to be complete, to choose one's path listening to our muses

8)faceted, I think we all are, we bear different personas inside us, they all can teach us something make us act weird because of the paradoxes, it's what make each persons so unique... multi dimensional...


9)fading... some memories, infancy, childhood, I can recall a lot but things slowly fade away and if I reread old journal, especially those I was 13 I can find some treasures , maybe things that could help me understand myself better now and see what was wrong etc...who I was, who I am...

10)falling, that strange sensation when I fall asleep as if I were falling in the rabbit's hole( alice in wonderland) and my heart beats fast!

11)family, one of the most important thing to me.
I might not show it that much because I have been bred that way, but I am very attached to my parents, I love them so much, it's blood, love, memories, I can count on them anytime too and they are great people really!
I am lucky to have them as parents


12)feathers, love the word and love the peacocks one

13)flea markets, love them very much,so many things to find for a bargain but I dont go to them much, there is the biggest one in Lille in september, I can't wait for it, I ll find vintage photos,papers,ephemera, keys ...

14)flaw, I like some of them, little breaks and frailties in others, it is touching, I love when people can be vulnerable sometimes...

15)floating... reminds me a song by pj Harvey

We wanted to find love
We wanted success
Until nothing was enough
Until my middle name was excess

Somehow I lost touch
When you went out of sight
When you got lost into the city
Got lost into the night

I was in need of help
Heading to blackout
Till someone told me "run on in honey
Before somebody blows your goddamn brains out"

You shoplifted as a child
I had a model's smile
You carried all my hopes
Until something broke inside
But now

We float
Take life as it comes
We float
Take life as it comes

So will we die of shock?
Die without a trial?
Die on Good Friday?
While holding each other tight

This is kind of about you
This is kind of about me
We just kinda lost our way
We were looking to be free
But one day

We'll float
Take life as it comes
We'll float
Take life as it comes

But one day
We'll float
Take life as it comes

(when I see lyrics like that I cant write anymore, I get this feeling all the beauty in the world have already been written by the greatest)


thinking of it Jen I think you look kinda like Pj Harvey...


nothing to do, but this is soo cool to see both Great singer songwriter artist like this , so great, kinda cheer me up tonight!




While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love
In a ball of yarn

He'll never return it

So when you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love, our love,
In a ball of yarn

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love


Good evening everyone...

and for the getting to know you at create a connection,I am totally late but Charlotte http://charleyana.wordpress.com/
asked for us to talk about music and memories attached to them...

I'd say any kind of music of the 80's reminds me the safety of childhood, the good times, innocence, when you think you will live forever, when you dont worry much...

Dire strait


Dire strait


Michael jackson

I was such a fan of Michael Jackson, you can still hear me singing 80's songs in my car out loud like a crazy girl ahah, it fills me with the sugary joy of travelling through times and finding my childhood again, I am such a chronical hopeless nostalgic

I could songs like Final countdown by Europe, ahah as a child I loved it so much!!
my type of guys ahah, exactly like the pretty boys in Jem and the holograms, one of my fav cartoons

Jem

hey don't cry fellow sisters of the 80's ;)