the Throat chakra and the depths of my Honest Inner Voice

It's been a while.
If I could I'd blog everyday:-)
but I do that in a way at my flickr.in a way because sometimes I talk about my thoughts and sometimes they are stories or projections of my friends'thoughts and feelings:-)


I received two You Make My Day Awardthank you so much Marie and Michelle:-)
you're great, inspiring, kind and giving faery women and I'm honoured to get these awards from such ladies! :-)

I'll be honest both ways I could give the award to everyone,each of my dearest friends, and to none, because right now I hardly read everyone's life, trying, but I cannot be everywhere.
Not self centered at all, still giving a lot but different ways.at flickr for instance, such a wonderful community:)

Sometimes I wonder, well when will it end?
will I get bored of flickr one day?

how many pictures it can store?
ever?
really?
I mean in 10 years how will it be?

It's strange, funny, like you know another kind of social closeness and interaction.

Bitter people say it's internet it's not real, but I behave with those people the same ways as if I'd meet them in real life, just that perhaps I'd be more of an introvert, because I am not that chatty and rather ill at ease when I don't know the person.

so I wanted to do the chakras exercices,not sure I'll have time for each of them, will see:-)
but I'm always inspired by :
Mich's virtual circle


Chakra Attributes

Color: Blue

Function: Communication, Creativity, Connection

Healing Essence of the Chakra: Located in the throat and neck region of the body and extending upward to include the lower region of the brain or cortex, this area holds the communication center. Through the Throat Chakra one may speak long-held truths of past hurts and, in the process, find much inner peace and a sense of personal freedom. With a healed and healthy fifth chakra, one’s words are kind, clear and truthful.

Keywords: Truth, Self-Expression, Song, Poetry, Clarity, Communication

Affirmations:

* I am the messenger.
* I speak my truth with clarity and courage.

Interpreting excess or deficiency in the fifth chaka

Excessive Characteristics

* Talking too much or inappropriately
* Gossiping(I do gossip at times but it's rarer nowadays:-)
* Stuttering(well it happens when I'm so shy and nervous around strangers or people I care about or perhaps feel sort of stupid or inferior, speaking is not easy for me)
* Difficulty being silent(No I love it!except around people I know and love I can be super fuzzy chatterbox :-)
* Excessive loudness(it happens)
* Inability to contain (keep confidences, etc)(well it depends...

Deficient characteristics

* Difficulty putting things in words(not when writing them except if it hurt way too much things like death for instance)
* Fear of speaking
* Speaking with a small, weak voice, it does happen a lot to me because it's my nature, I am an introvert, I don't want to change this, I am living it better each year, doesn t mean I'm scared of others.
* Secretiveness, I am
* Excessive shyness, well depends on my mood:P
* Tone deafness

Balanced characteristics

* Reasonant, full voice
* Clear communication with others
* Good communication with self
* Good listener
* Good sense of timing and rhythm
* Lives life creatively

The fifth chakra self evaluation

1. Are you comfortable with your own voice? Have you ever listened to its reasonace?


I often begin my sentences like that but it's true,it depends;)
Sometimes yes I will perceive my voice, hear myself, almost if I was out of myself,I can hear the rhythme and reasonance of it.
I can think I like it when I speak laugh or sing, either on my own or with loved ones etc.
but sometimes for instance at my youtube videos I hardly stand the sound of my voice.
I love the voices of feelings, when you speak to loved ones, when you care, try to hear and reassure, there I am fine with my voice and its softness.




2. Do you allow other people to have their say and be heard?


of course I do!
I used to be more stubborn though ahah, that makes me laugh because yes I would get mad and not let people speak, not that lalalallalaa with fingers in ears but almost ahah
Really now I love to hear people talk to me about them or everything they like or are with a deep honesty, no holding back, no faking it, just being real, I admire and love that.
I dont mind not agreeing on everything, I love discussing, I don't need my friends and loved ones to be on the same page always.
Sometimes when I am in a chatty mood I cut people when they speak that's something hate, I feel uncomfortable then, I would hate that the person think I just want to speak and not enjoy the back and forth
I am more interested in the listening anyways, the speaking is my offering.


3. In what ways do you express yourself creatively?

big sighs, Poetry my beloved ones, the wife of my dreams ^____^
poetry is my big sister, my dearest friend, she holds me anytime I need, oh words, my best friends...couldn t live without writing
I think I have always dreamt to be a writer from the age of 8.
I began penpalling at 7 and writing short stories at about 8 and of course a diary!
oh my!

diaries have always been so very important to me.
I have a lot of them in a big cardstock parcel
pages of my life,sweet or funny memories
I often want to open it, like a therapy ,seeing why I am here and now the person I am.

I keep them.
Sometimes when I'll have a daughter, I can reread the ten years old me and understand her more ahah:)
might be cute:)

so yes I write, I also sing, I take pictures ,self portraits but not only!!
and of course I paint and create collages:)
I am truly lucky to be such an expressive person, it's weird in a way
I have a big need to express but most of my expressions are silent, because I do live INSIDE.
It's a real mise en abime, inside, inside inside...

that's perhaps no matter how much I share, say,give, show about myself and how far I confide to the world and to my dearest friends I am still a bit mysterious.
well not that I need or mind being mysterious, it always makes me laugh when people say so, because I don't think so, I am so familiar and just another small town girl:-)




4. Do you feel that people hear you?


I feel heard with the time and attention my friends/loved ones give to me.
I am heard when I see people understand, are touched or inspired by me.
I am heard when I see people emulate my work( I dont mean anything bad or hierarchic here at all) I am deeply honoured and touched to see that!
It is a big gift they do to me to sort of bring a following to what I do, that it goes on, like we're branches of the same trees of art kindness, creativity,soulfulness etc

It is beautiful!

I feel heard when people don't judge, comment here at my blog,send me kind emails,comments at my flickr.
I feel heard when I see I can make a change, influence another to be more positive, hopeful, etc, the sharing of emotions.

God that is my blessings, to be able to make other FEEL too.
I m truly blessed for that.



5. Do you communicate your feelings open and honestly?

yes I do.
always. too much according to some I'm quite sure ahah;-)
naaaaah but I don't know.
I am like that.
I have never known how to hold my tongue.
a silent one, a two language one(French/English or perhaps three or four, poetic and art language)but yes I communicate my feelings.

I am very frank, I can't stand to deny or hide things especially if I am asked questions.
I never mean to harm anyone with words.
I am quieter and wiser for this.
I don't see the point in frankness for the sake of frankness
I m here for truth and honesty.




I wanted to vlog about that one but then not strength enough,no energy and let's be honest
it is no fun for me to speak to a camera.
Yes the challenge was.
Still am amazed of the things have been able to do, so daring!
I am also quite glad of all the things I learned, how to make a movie with video parts, it was quite interesting and I love to see I'm capable of things that are not things I am thought to be good at.
softwares for instance, I'm like huh???WTF dumb o____O before them:)

so this painting!
It's called behind our Masks.

I am quite attracted to masks,if I had money and if I would travel I'd buy many and collect them all!

There is so much meaning in that word,in the object: Mask.

It can just be the mask, you put to play and just have fun in Venise, big sighs:)
dressed like a princess, the romantic stories in the meanders of tiny streets of Venise such a dream place!!

but masks can be many things.
For instance they can be sacred to give you power to enter your persona and grow your spiritual path.
You wear a mask you're not sure if it'll fit you,but it takes you there.
It's like an initiatic journey you know.

Sometimes also we take the alter ego masks
So some people can say " oh you want to pretend you're someone you're not"
but you're just linking your soul to archetypes, ideal to commune with an ideal self
In this people can think we either take ourselves too seriously or pretend show off whatever!
Let people talk while we are learning about ourselves and growing.

Masks are ways to reveal sides of our personality
In a way art ,poetry and photography are masks to me, I can hide myself Helene deroubaix behind Helenina.I can show only what I want.
if I want to show my humanity and being real I'll share a picture like that:


(click to read the Truth about Helenina)

(click to read about Honest and my thoughts on life.

or then I can go further and share remiscences or prolongations of my being:







a song I adore and that inspired me that picture above

I know I am not this, the me I am is the naked with no make up and photoshop thing, but if we go that far, and dig deeper then I can say I am not this vessel my body I am the inside of it, the inner life, the boiling vulcano the soul so alive and if I go further I also can say I am not this either that my soul is just a pale copy of the real me I am and also maybe I am you because I feel I belong in a way
I belong to others...
how? why?
Not sure, but in the offering of myself, in the sharing of each of my thoughts that make them enter and get closer or not.

Masks can also hide of course, when we get angry aren't we wearing a mask?
The ego is one of our worse mask, I cannot stand this.
I have ego crises at times but I know what is the most important. I won't lose the best things over ego.
I can truly find ways to behave better and quieter.
I can say I'm sorry.
I can acknowledge ego made me talk this way.
a sticky mask sometimes.

Like when rejected for instance, you know that pain in the womb, an ugly sensation, you feel like getting angry or crying and not sure.
in those cases either you just cry because people tell you things that show they don't like you at all whereas what they see is not you but you in their eyes etc so after all it s nothing much:P
or you can go angry and attack them to defende your hurt ego, but it's also a normal instinctive reaction to want to protect oneself
but do we need to do that?

Sometimes Jealousy make us wear the mask of anger or revenge ,this is so strange.
I have done this many times in the past.
Again Ego tricks:-)
breathe before doing or saying things you might regrets, there are many ways to creatively express the truth you feel in a smart way.
but yes we can do mistakes of course:-)

Sometimes we just wear the mask of Jealousy to express we love, this is sad no?
we should just remember the purpose of Love, and its deep meaning!

I think Love is something so rich ,I am still learning and discovering more about this.
Thought there was nothing more to learn but with time I get to see new faces of love, other kinds of love,ways to love and my horizon widen a lot.

well I could go on an on

*** masks and personas***

I was the host again at Create a connection to write these questions for the getting to know you day ^_^ so I guess I will answer them now.




1) tell me about the masks you wear or have worn and why?

I love masks, always been fascinated with them.
the mysteries they imply , the fact we can create another identity behind them and be bolder and less introvert.
I love the beauty of them and the feeling of sacred in them, I am very interested in mask art, I adore the ones from Venise.
I have painted some in the past, plastic butterflies ones and plaster ones.I am thinking .
so I am obviously digressed here ;)

I wear masks sometimes to express my other personas freely no string attached and to keep at bay my inside voices who would try to judge and tell me' it's not you it's not you'
Maybe sometimes we can be different,we are someone but we can be different at times
o_O okay go check yourself girl that's called shizophrenia mwahahahhaahhah

Well I do enjoy the mild shizophrenia reminds me that song I enjoy singing with cat power:

Weighted down by possessions
Weighted down by the gun
Waited down by the river for you to come

And who socks were you darning, poor darling
While I was away, away too long
I went away to see an old friend of mine
Sister came over and knew she was out of her mind
She says "Jesus has a twin who don't know nothing about sin"
She was half crazy and out of her mind

Weighted down by possessions
Weighted down with a gun
Waiting down by the river for you to come

Her light eyes were dancing she is insane
Her brother says she's just a bitch on a golden chain
She keeps coming closer saying
"I can feel it in my bones, schizophrenia is taking me home"

Weighted down by possessions
I'm weighted down with my gun
I'm waiting down by the river for you to come.

(it's a sonic youth cover)

I am not schizo because I always know what I am doing I see it,just sometimes some persona pops up and takes the place :D

I really love nicki/jessica in heroes for this.

I have worn masks in the past because I felt people wanted me to :)
I have worn masks to protect others from the truth, to protect myself from their judging ashamed worried sad or not understanding eyes.

but I hardly wear those masks anymore. I don't cheat with the ones I cherish.
I'm freer than before and I handle things better.
If my beloved ones dont understand or judge me I am then sorry for them, I don't want to upset them or make them feel worried etc, but I am still happy to do what I want.
They think what they want and I do what I want and everyone is Happy in the greatest world ever :-)




2) do you use masks to hide or to show pieces of yourself?
in both times tell us details if you are willing to share ;)

oh Helenina you're kind of repeating yourself from question above, but ok, I will answer ;oP

Well maybe sometimes I still need to hide things because I need to keep things separated and fine where they are and maybe I find my mysteries back ^_^

I think I mostly wear masks to be more daring in sharing my whole self.and it works.
These masks help me give me more confidence and I need that because I am a very sensitive and easily disheartened about it all when I feel not satisfied with my paiting for instance.




3)how do you find balance with your different personas?tell us more about these personas, the ones you need to keep secrets and why?not telling exactly who they are of course, I respect your secrets ;)

I have told a lot about my different persona, and I forget some things to add to

this

It's not easy to find balance, this is why we all are paradoxical human beings.

I think It's safer to keep some personas secret because of the connections people can make or maybe they can end up seeing you as one of your persona and forget who you really are.
I feel bad when something is stuck to me, a label.

It's like when you do something once, people end up seeing you like this and they forget all the rest about you, it s quite frustrating...

anyways I am a cerebral woman who can listens to Britney spears and I love carebears and cute things as much as I like broken toys and tim burton's realm or dark aesthetism like in the Mirrormask oh and I surely can do weirder things, very opposites things.

A movie worth watching for the artwork!
BEAU.TI.FUL


4)How do you deal with your " blue muse" (word by Pattie mosca I think ;) it s the dark twin inside that can drown you, a piece of you who is the insecure and torn part of your personality( the needy one)?


It depends. sometimes she comes out of the blue :D
I sometimes don't deal with her, I get frustrated sad angry and I don't know why because I don't want to hear and listen to her complaints judgements and needs.

She can be so harsh to me, but I think we are our own worst enemy sometimes.

When I choose to deal with her, I feed her creatively.
I take the time, sometimes I do feel imbalanced because she can take me further I can or should go and then it creates the inside war.
But we're more at peace than ever. she's like my inner siamese twin but separated :)

5) have you ever lied, denied and worn a mask to protect others or to keep chin up etc?

Of course, I have maybe worn the mask of arrogance more than once when I felt hurt and angry by the way people treated but I did not know how to handle the harsh words.
I am still emotive a lot but I handle things better.
I know arrogance speech is broken ego. and I am not an egotistic kind of person.
Though I enjoy talking about me I love listening and getting to know others.
I am interesting in the others.

I never lie to precious ones but I love omission sometimes or delaying truths.
Sometimes I protect myself again in this :-)

But as a conclusion I would like to say that if I don't share all my personas it is not because I am feeling bad though there are painful processes in discovery new things about us sometimes.
I think it is rather to spare your soul.
OH and I don't want to feel I have to explain things.

I love freedom,I love cat power and I'm sharing with you this song tonight because it's so beautiful to sing and to dream .




but I think I prefer this version:




that was my Captain illustration friday but it was too late to submit it though I had it done early, anyways busy and procrastinating me sometimes.

why Captain because she was the captain/leader of her own vessel( soul)sailing on the seas of this life.

She always had such a strength and determination in the eyes, like a sort of queen of sabaa, she makes me think of a Feminine Spokeswoman, that is there to open the path for her sisters, to tell her yes you can be this and that, yes you are free to be entirely and unconditionnally yourself because it is your life after all and you can live on frustrations or with 'what if I would do that" 'oh if only I could do this"

Live here and now sisters!
She is also spokeswomen for her sisters in Africa and Asia countries where women are sometimes denied,awfully treated,not respected, far from free and so forth

she is a reminder.
We're still living in a man's world and we have to take the power back.
In this I don't mean bad.
I don't mean this as riot girl feminism as I dont identify to this.
I just mean it for The Feminine's sake being women not trying to become like men.
I don't mean it as sexism either.

As even if it's quite rare nowadays I can enjoy males company except those in my family and my dear Love sébastien, I don't have anything against men.





I really love this latter one and I am still the idealistic ones who will tell you People will love you for the honesty within your soul ;)