samedi 30 juin 2007

My answers to adversity

tagged by my dear faery friend Marie and inspired by this blog:

okay as I have spent enough time on the computer today I will make it shorter as can be as I dont know if people will read and that'll be useful or not etc
so let's go

I first asked my sweet love about it and it was rather funny, he is so funny, we dont react the same way ahah ^_^he is the cool one...I see him, the tsunami can pass over his head he take a deep breath let it pass and try not to worry about it more,it is what it is, I love to think he is so wise and cool Peace out! you know!
but he is just a careless guy:oP
he is very casual always ^_^ no drama with him not an overwhelming avalanche of emotions! thank God I saw a tear in his eyes once or twice ;oP
or else I would question but he is like that, I have accepted that,it mostly makes me laugh now and it also helps me a lot for his behaviour helps me take distance and see things a different way!

he is sometimes the voice of my counsciousness ;-)

so me facing adversity?

If I remember my depression I would say I don't face things when I get too fragile and emotional, I just got them like a violent slap in the face, and I endure
I dive in the dark waters, I sometimes hate myself my weakness, my being too sensitive and so I drown myself! I abandonned myself!

Rigt now it is much different!
so here are my ideas or advice to face adversity:

1) Be sure of what you REALLY want! this is your life, this is your soul and you have to decide as painful and difficult it can look sometimes, believe me I know, it s awful and great this free will!

When you are aware of what you need want, you just go for it or stop crying like a baby and dreaming because this gets boring!
I have had fights in the Past with lovely girls, I dont deny they were sweet and fragile and I might have been cruel with frankness, but I could not motherize

People are complacent in the safety of darkness sometimes, there are ways out of this
I dwell in possibilities

and I get easily annoyed at cowardice, mine as well, dont worry!
( oooh I have such a nice lover, he is cooking for me!!! I am blessed really, if you have seen the hoovering picture you know I am so lucky ahah, well it's not like this always, I have to notice that ahah, memory for later ;)

I Have spent years in procrastination self doubt, self hatred and whatever, I could have decided earlier to change this!
But maybe I learnt through this

I think it's different for everyone to know when it's time for a change because you are killing yourself not deciding to LIVE deeply not making your Bliss alive, come to life, be there be here and now!

I know I have still so much to learn, and to do to feel proud of me, but I dont mind that.
I am glad of where I am and I enjoy the journey right now it s more confused and worried but we'll be fine I know that :-)

2)Find the ways the better ways ^___^

this reminds me the beautiful soul of Kurt Cobain<3

I think there is not only one way to get to where we want to be, to become who we are.
the adversity might be failure, might be believing we lack of this and that but maybe we do compare too much!

3) I agree with that
"2. Take Responsibility - Rather than blaming anything or anyone, I force myself to take a hard look at the situation at hand and see how I might have attracted it to me (i.e. Was it my attitude? Was it my ego? Was I careless or impulsive? Was I too attached to the outcome?)"

seen here:
not sure who wrote this, it s a bit confused, haven t looked at the profile etc so I imply it is Stephen?

It's important to be responsible for what happens to us, making decisions, being mature and sensible about it, aware of the risks of rejections,failures etc

what is life if we don't take any risks? people often say they want inner peace, I want to be fine in peace with myself, but this idea of inner peace sounds very much like boredom,not waves,no swirls, no wind, no rain?

we need seasons and the magick of emotions dont we?

4)get surrounded by believing mirrors because you can run be your worste enemy at times.
I am blessed, I have lovely friends, creative souls ,wise faeries who gives me energies and positive lights to see clearer, to improve, to evolve and stop doing the same mistakes again and again!

to come back to the responsibility thing believe me rare are those who take them, we say adult, but it s but a word, I have met lots and lots of adults who truly behave like child!
when I see silly things on tv that people are ashamed to not drive in a beautiful car because they lost their job and what their neighbours will think?
I m like o_O say what????huh?

I mean we live this life for us, not to look beautiful to others and please them and be wonderfully judge, because who CARES?

I think many persons have still to be delivered from this, freed from this!
I don't really know why we fear some much the eyes of others because after all they are human and faulty like us, they have dreams and doubts like us, they are insecure like us, we all can be in that place.some just hide it better.

5)never betray or abandon yourself! because it takes time to heal!

6) ask for help dare to shed your self, be real, be the truth the fragile and naked truth, be what you like in others/muses/mentors/friends/sisters/ideals...take pieces ,get inspired, make your own glow, share your own spark! your light is one of a kind and you have to believe in this!

and because you've been nice and patiently reading I offer you this, singing out loud is always a wonderful way to fight adversity ^_^
( and there is art, expression writing blablabla(...)

Tori is beautiful, but I really dont like much songs like body and soul or bad man on her last cd, they are boring, body and soul is so annoying to my ears wooooh...but I still love her:) I think it's more real when we can not like things from people we love and admire and still love them truly:)

beautiful weekends, be gentle to your soul and beloved ones***

if you want to share your own answers to adversity consider yourself tagged ^_^and let me know:)

vendredi 29 juin 2007

Create your own Bliss

1) What in your life is being built?
2) What inner vision do you carry?
3) What must you do in order to accomplish your true goals?

1) What in your life is being built?

I think first of all my artist's path is being build, each day I try to improve myself, I learn , I challenge myself, I paint or make collage and I try to find something new to add.
I need to keep growing as an artist and hopefully live from it but I keep my feet on the ground for now as I have still a lot to do!

Developping as an artist is entertwined with my growth as a writer and my inner life.
All these on my journey are helping each other, my writing can inspire my painting, my inner life can inspire my writing and so forth...maybe it's a circle of creation that never ends.

Then I am also building a sharing of Light with sisters, something Kindness & Empathy to Pay forward, but this is my only Idealistic hope of course ^_^

I have met all along my journey many wonderful souls who have touched my world and who made me want to share the beautiful positive energies or healing energies they kindly offered me sometimes not intentionally not knowing it!

I want not only to inspire but also to make my like minded sisters out there to believe in themselves, to love their soul, to acknowledge their beauty and accept their flaws and just live the life they want, make their own Blissful moments Happen because they can!
I am here to support my creative sisters to share that anything is possible and art is just expression nothing scary nothing to judge no rules no limitations just love and beauty ^_^

2) What inner vision do you carry?

I carry many inner vision, sometimes full of colors and lights and sometimes so dark ones, I am very severed and layered I'd say which is why one of my important aspect is this feeling of being parted and not knowing how to decided which path to choose sometimes because it often happens that I think two things totally opposed just not being sure & I dont enjoy much being that hesitant!

One of my inner vision is the Ocean of stars and blossoms for instance, one of the most peaceful place for me to meditate feel safe and forgive/forget...I resource myself there.

I also carry visions of things I have lived in previous life and I sometimes carry visions of future in my dreams mostly, these visions help me and inspire me or sometimes they make me feel stuck and think maybe for a reason.

3) What must you do in order to accomplish your true goals?

hum, right now I'm getting slow and feeling stuck because of all the uncertainties of our present situation.
I get worried, but most of the time I just follow my heart, I listen to my depths, my inner guides,my friends inspire me and make me go on trust myself & focuse on beauty and my goals!
I know I am walking the right path when I make other feel inspired, feel better,feel heard ,seen or understood
I work hard(that often makes me laugh because yes it's not painful but it is psychologically tiring sometimes ,the process of growing learning things and not being that good at once because we evolve..., I don't give in nor do I give up or at least not too long ;oP
(because yes I can hide that I doubt and can feel very bad about everything myself my art life and the way the world is...)

you can feel free to visit and answer these questions yourself!


mardi 26 juin 2007

moody sullen pensive & tired

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.this is to have succeeded.(Emerson)

hindu wisdom
No one can die. None can be degraded forever. Life is but a playground, however gross the play may be. However we may receive blows and however knocked about we may be, the Soul is there and is never injured. We are that Infinite.


lundi 25 juin 2007

Your true self

found something interesting to write about today at Marie's blog from
Mich's blog:

1. What does your original face look like?
2. Who is your true self?
3. Are you radiant and glowing? I'm glowing now!!

1)My original face look like a fae child covered with cherry red flowers, I feel it's also sometimes two sided maybe, or maybe do I have two faces? something like the comedia dell'arte mask...My true face is better seen in the eyes of Love may it be family,lover,soul sisters and friends...
so it is not easy to answer...I am glad most of the time about what I see in the mirror but I know that when I feel plain and don't really care to take care of my appearance I still have the light of my soul and I hope people can sense that...
we can be tired, plain, ugly,with dirty hair, too fat here and there, have imperfection but we can be so beautiful at the same time in our words,actions and sharing...
I think that most of the time my inner self is aligned to my outer self because I try to share my inside outside, I try to embellish everything and remember the lights from within ,expand,scatter,spread again and again...that is one of my reasons to live I guess...

and this leads me to thinking of how much we spend wasting time on "others" not in the good sense, I mean, wasting time envying ,feeling angry, rejecting, wanting to hurt, being jealous, comparing...
I am not the wisest witch of light, I do fail sometimes I am faillible, I have been jealous envious I have wasted time on these paths, wasting energies to concentrate on my self, on my own path and being focused...
I wonder why we do that?
is it a way to give ourselves excuses?
we can ache on what others have when maybe it would just be better to see what we already have and that anything is possible,we can work to have what we really want...

We have our own gifts, beauty, things to share, we all have our own qualities, lights to offer and this can do a lot of good, this can actually change this world to some extent, making another one smile, feel understood and so forth...
we grow in this...
but it's not an obsession, it is free and natural,spontaneous and surely more and more if people cross my path if I have things to share, I don't just help to help...I used to be so obsessed with this like that song by alanis

I always should remember this anytime I feel doubtful and not sure I am where I want to be, too late not there yet etc
After all I still can see what I have already achieved and maybe I'm just too in a hurry, maybe it's no use running, maybe taking the zen path to where we want to arrive is wiser because we will go there finally,we're working for it, and the process is as interesting and enriching as the there a real arrival (?)

2) My true self is what you see if you can see through me, my work, my poetry, my photos.
My true self is me in general, me lost in deepness and beauty.
I think I am a sort of witch of light, learning and teaching, searching and knowing
I am real , I know my flaws failure, I think I talk spontaneous, I am very honest...
I don't claim to be better than anyone, I know my limits, I push them if it's good for me and in respect with all that I cherish.
My true self is a mirror for my sisters, I try to make other women see inside themselves, get to know themselves, get to be real and very honest, share their naked soul and be fearless...
I never intend to show off or just be for the display though I dont deny narcissism and loving myself, but I am not intoxicated with myself or too self centered.
I think a life without giving and loving is empty and such a waste so yes I take care of myself,but I am glowing and radiating only when I love,when special persons/souls make me want to give, share my world with them, when I want to do good for others freely and with no strings attached...

I am often a little annoyed or perhaps upset when seb thinks I am too narcissistic and self centered, well I know he would not be with me if he thought so ,but sometimes he plays jokes on this and well it does not make me laugh:oP mean sebastien!!!
I am good sincerely I am doing good and wanting to do good and not just to look good, because seriously most of the time I just don't give a fuck about what people think of me and the way they will interprete me
I care about my sisters out there my beloved ones only and of course their eyes on me count a lot, if they can live and love me with my flaws, breaks and everything I am then I'm safe and blessed ;)

Talking about beloved ones , see what my dearest sébastien did for me?? ;o)
yes he did my beautiful layout! I have been the art director for it though ;o)( kidding, no sincerely he did the best of it!!)
what do you think?

he also did the blog of my dearest Jen:
jen new layout

Now I have told sebastien he could do a small business with this, so if anyone is interested in getting his banners, complete layouts etc, just ask he will do something ;)
for now I think we'll begin this little business with special orders, if people have ideas of what they would like on their blog, the colors elements they would like on it, seb will do it.

seb can also create banners for your (etsy)shop for instance, logo for your artworks if you need, or visiting cards, if you have any ideas of requests feel free to let us know and tell your friends!!!
(we might be in the financial shit in september so...let's spare money right now!!)
his interview to work as a graphist/webdesigner today went well so he has to wait them to call back hopefully next week!
It's a three months job but better than nothing.

dimanche 24 juin 2007

randomness and nostalgia

I feel weird...I don't really know what to think...
I guess I'm feeling kind of worried but I don't really want to write it down.
not like that not here.

I have spent a nice weekend at my parents.
First we went to Lille to buy beautiful watercolor paper...I can't wait to use them but I'm not sure if I can begin anything today, feel tired.
Beauty's in the paper! really! I would have never thought this before! it makes me so happy & excited to buy quality watercolor paper, I always love to imagine how all these white pages will be colored and be alive.

Weekends sometimes make me feel lonely. I dont know. less emails maybe...silly me...

I love seeing my parents, it's always a lovely time for me. Always good food, some laughters, conversations, memories,sharing...
I think my parents are more and more important to me...
I just can not imagine my life without them in this world!

Just like that episode when George homalet loses his father in Gray's anatomy...such a pain
I am sensitive like that, I feel like crying.
I just identify can imagine, I would just feel the world collapse down my feet...I just can not really imagine this you know...
why thinking of it then?

I dont know, I can't deny death, I can't just scorn it to forget about it...I know it is real.

My parents are going for a week in Marocco, I hope everything will be fine and they will have a fabulous time there! They deserve it!

Sebastien has his first interview for a job as a graphist tomorrow
I will surely drive him there because seb can't drive ( no insurance)and trains are few :P

Then Tuesday he will take place a test near Lille to be a graphist as a civil servant which means security of wages for us, but also BIG moving if he is selected!

well if he is selected he will have to take place to another test anyways and then if he succeeds he will have to choose between Paris, Paris suburbs or Lyon

I think both are polluted cities, but as a location I d rather live near Lyon
Paris seems so awful to me!

I think I'd be depressed to live there ,really not for me...

I am so worried also by all these uncertainties
I know life is full of them everyday, we dont know what will happen
we go this or that way and maybe we make mistake
we give our trust or maybe will regret
we give our love and feel worried if it was right

but maybe it's just useless to worry, just wait & see, maybe I should not think about where I'll be and what I'll do in september just take life as it comes...


When we came back from my parents, we went to a sort of medieval festival in the streets of Cambrai, there are still people in our street right now, all dressed in medieval times, doing small street theatre, there are shops too...

There was beautiful jewelries, fairies and trolls, so pretty ooooh and beautiful witches!! love that! there were all lucky charm.
love that.
I also wanted to buy me amber ear rings, I have always wanted these,dreamt sebastien would buy them to me one day? who knows...but still not.
well he was ok to buy them...just that I'd rather be surprised in fact.
I love ambers, yet it's not my color, or not a color I really like, I mean I have very hardly any orange clothes in fact...
It's like green I rarely wear green,I think it does not suit me well maybe...

well let's do my F list...

1)Friendship(without it life lacks colors I guess...)
3)failure ( something hard to digest)
4)faillible( I think we all make mistakes, I try to be very indulgent and accept people's attitude even if sometimes it might hurt I try to forgive and see if things can be worked out if there is something behind their attitude, I dont forget people's potential...
5)forgiveness, I am very ambivalente about it sometimes yes sometimes no
it depends I mean.
there are things that cross my mind and I feel no ways this can not be forgiven!
but as for friends I think I can generally forgive.
I am sometimes daring to be naive and to be wrong, like the last time I gave Eva a chance, I thought she was real and sincere in her letter that this time she would not leave with silence to offer...she showed how she was feeling bad about her mistakes and though secretly parts of me knew she would do the same I just thought I couldn't close my door to her, soul sisters are so rare!
I knew she would leave, I knew it was a possibilities but I preferred to share the time she wanted to give me, I did not know how long or little it would be , I just enjoyed it deeply.
would I forgive again?
But it'll never ever be like before. I dwell in possibilities and sometimes it's just too late to find back what we had.

life is life. I don't feel any regrets though.
I think of her right now just because I got a full deco( decorated booklets to decorate a page and pass on and on from penpals to another and then back to the person its made for) made by her for me, writing to my dearest friend Helenina...

time flies...

but it's true that this made me think that True friendship is such a difficult thing to get, I wonder how people do to have friends with whom they keep contact and know it'll be forever, trust in this, they just feel it...

I have often felt it and been wrong. I dont know what to think.
But I love my friends.

6)Freedom, the most beautiful utopia, I mean it. Because I can't believe we are free
knowing we're walking this only big certainty to die and be separated from our beloved ones, ok, maybe not...maybe it's different, maybe I'm just scared, maybe I'm loving life too much...
I feel some freedom though in my art, when I write, when I can share my soul with beloved ones, when I love, when I want to give, it's a freedom because your heart feels so light and luminous...

I wish there would be more freedom of thoughts in this world, when I see women in some countries, I feel very sad...

7)fae child, the inner tiny fae spirit inside your soul that can teach you so much, that can tell you anything is possible at anytime of the day,this spontaneity, this cheerful enthusiasm, this inspiration , a deliverance maybe, freedom to be complete, to choose one's path listening to our muses

8)faceted, I think we all are, we bear different personas inside us, they all can teach us something make us act weird because of the paradoxes, it's what make each persons so unique... multi dimensional...

9)fading... some memories, infancy, childhood, I can recall a lot but things slowly fade away and if I reread old journal, especially those I was 13 I can find some treasures , maybe things that could help me understand myself better now and see what was wrong etc...who I was, who I am...

10)falling, that strange sensation when I fall asleep as if I were falling in the rabbit's hole( alice in wonderland) and my heart beats fast!

11)family, one of the most important thing to me.
I might not show it that much because I have been bred that way, but I am very attached to my parents, I love them so much, it's blood, love, memories, I can count on them anytime too and they are great people really!
I am lucky to have them as parents

12)feathers, love the word and love the peacocks one

13)flea markets, love them very much,so many things to find for a bargain but I dont go to them much, there is the biggest one in Lille in september, I can't wait for it, I ll find vintage photos,papers,ephemera, keys ...

14)flaw, I like some of them, little breaks and frailties in others, it is touching, I love when people can be vulnerable sometimes...

15)floating... reminds me a song by pj Harvey

We wanted to find love
We wanted success
Until nothing was enough
Until my middle name was excess

Somehow I lost touch
When you went out of sight
When you got lost into the city
Got lost into the night

I was in need of help
Heading to blackout
Till someone told me "run on in honey
Before somebody blows your goddamn brains out"

You shoplifted as a child
I had a model's smile
You carried all my hopes
Until something broke inside
But now

We float
Take life as it comes
We float
Take life as it comes

So will we die of shock?
Die without a trial?
Die on Good Friday?
While holding each other tight

This is kind of about you
This is kind of about me
We just kinda lost our way
We were looking to be free
But one day

We'll float
Take life as it comes
We'll float
Take life as it comes

But one day
We'll float
Take life as it comes

(when I see lyrics like that I cant write anymore, I get this feeling all the beauty in the world have already been written by the greatest)

thinking of it Jen I think you look kinda like Pj Harvey...

nothing to do, but this is soo cool to see both Great singer songwriter artist like this , so great, kinda cheer me up tonight!

While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love
In a ball of yarn

He'll never return it

So when you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love, our love,
In a ball of yarn

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

Good evening everyone...

and for the getting to know you at create a connection,I am totally late but Charlotte
asked for us to talk about music and memories attached to them...

I'd say any kind of music of the 80's reminds me the safety of childhood, the good times, innocence, when you think you will live forever, when you dont worry much...

Dire strait

Dire strait

Michael jackson

I was such a fan of Michael Jackson, you can still hear me singing 80's songs in my car out loud like a crazy girl ahah, it fills me with the sugary joy of travelling through times and finding my childhood again, I am such a chronical hopeless nostalgic

I could songs like Final countdown by Europe, ahah as a child I loved it so much!!
my type of guys ahah, exactly like the pretty boys in Jem and the holograms, one of my fav cartoons


hey don't cry fellow sisters of the 80's ;)

jeudi 21 juin 2007

La vie est belle :)

my Takun is a joy and fun of everyday ^___^

Today was such a beautiful day :)
so glad, so lucky,la vie est belle :)

it was first of all a great mail day ^_^and it's always so pretty to receive mail, it's so important for me to share more than just emails with souls who matters to me, even if yes life is busy;)

I got a wonderful package by a dear friend & it meant so much to me, lots of so pretty goodies, a so beautiful paper blanks journal that I will cherish and surely take with me everywhere(I have many jrnls all ready but I hardly write in them, just once in a while, ideas for art, small poems, thougths etc) and this one will be special and I will just write poetry in it ^_^

Thank you so much dear one!
and all the other gifts were just lovely ,it made me smile, it made my day!

I also got later another package by another dear friend, wow a wonderful artwork trade so beautiful blue and some pretty papers and images to use in my art woooh oooh
haven 't I been spoiled today? oh my!

Thank you friends, thank you especially for being in my life!

and also bear in mind I don't need goodies your friendship is already what shines in my heart ^__^

so well I also finished that painting for illustration friday: rejection
yes that themed inspired me that I had to do it twice;)

so obviously this can be seen as cheap because to me it's just natural to accept human as they are and with their difference and it's always shock me when stupid people are so racist ,mysogynist, homophobic etc

I just wonder what's on their mind?

Be Different Be Human

In fact anytime I hear about graveyard profanation here in France, I am astounded, it's like, what? antisemitism does still exist?
I just can't understand such bullshit... but well it's sadly a part of this reality.

so yes my rejection was that , will you still love me (written on the left below)
would you still love your friend if they were gay, if they had aborted, if they were jew ,ugly, fat or whatever...
all these rejections make me cringe

I have more to say, but time for bed, sebastien will do me the reading: "catsby" ^_^
yes I am but a child ;)

Blessings and star dust***

mercredi 20 juin 2007

The magic of True friendship


so lately I'm feeling mellow, very sweet,smiling,blessed

A new born world

A new born world close up

so this one is inspired by the beautiful quote by anais nin:)
I so love it!the quote not the painting ;oP

It is just so true:)
each of my friend has made me grow and walk through new wordls inside of me, they create garden full of flower of their thoughts, sunbeams of their kindness and so forth ^_^

I am lucky to know you!

world close up

She is the One(fear of rejection)

She is the One(fear or rejection)
that one is for Rejection theme of Illustration Friday

he white writing on the right says:

" Can you hear me in all the songs you sing with them Am I special to you, will you plant a Flower of time in the forest of my heart am I unique to you? will you share a path just for us on our spiritual journey because I want this to be one of a kind(...)"

E List:

1)Ethereality: mine is my saviour it's made of imagination,wonders,emotions,passion and rivers of sugar and blissful flowers***

2)Eerie, love the word...the atmosphere...

3)Epiphany, revelation ,seeing the Light deeply,feeling the meaning of everything, understanding this life, this world,our reasons to be Epiphanies!

4)Eidolon, such a lovely word, aren't they cute, inspiring for poetry?

5)electric... like that song by An pierlé, friends are electric...isn't it some circuit of energies that are traveling times,space and everything from soul to soul?

6)ellipse...not saying not showing... all in the sweetness of the unsaid ;)such a tortured delight (smiles)

7)Embrace, the hug and the act of accepting, loving things and persons as they are.

8)Embryo, like the word, the fascination for this unknown, it s kinda like death, we don't know this pre-life, we can t really recall but in dream or sensation,I would like to be able to draw embryo...I have many ideas of paintings for it, but if you look at the hands in the previous painting, sighs I still have a lot to learn!
But Goddess hands are so difficult to draw!!!!

well maybe I'll end up this list tomorrow, as now I will have some fun time (well not so much,it s sad film) we're going to watch Pompoko ^__^

I'll tell if it's worth watching, I am sure it is good & full of pretty sentiments :)

dimanche 17 juin 2007

State of Emergency

in process


love that cut side ;)
too bad you can't see the swaroski sparkling, it gives a real 3 D dimension to this piece ;)
thanks to Violet for the wonderful stickers of glittering butterflies and dragonflies:)
state of emergency close up


state of emergency

mixed media painting: 55x46 cm on canvas.My biggest painting ever and the first time I dare use a canvas for a painting portrait ;)
I'm getting bold ;)

inspire by Bjork song, Joga but not only ... ;-)

Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it.
Anais Nin

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
Anais Nin

I will be working on something inspired by these quotes next time:)

D list ... sighs...

1)Dear, dearest...Love these small words, it does not mean much but for me it's sweet to hear when it's sincere and when someone think you are dear to their heart or when someone is dear to my heart it's so sweet
I think also out of enthusiasm and kindness towards sisters I might say it when it's just because they are sweet to me, it s a friendly way to talk to them...I should be careful maybe?

2)dandelion, the one to make wishes :)
let's make wishes!!!

3)daughter, one of my dream...I really want to have a daughter.I have always imagine her/them, I wonder how she/they will if/when I have them :)

4)desideratum, love the word, reminds me a song by fiona apple

this one :)I adored singing when I was not feeling accept when I was younger.

she rocks really!
I adore her jazzy vibes, she's a great musician ,singer and songwriter but I am not sure if the personality really attracts me sometimes

5)distance... it can hurt most of the time but I have often manage to love in the distance, most of my past lovers were penpals, seb was a penpal too first & he was the one meant to stay for ever...he does not write me letter anymore though , I miss that sometimes because this way maybe we shared more of our inner worlds ;)

6)dragon...tori amos song

7)dream ...of course, I love the ones at night ,remind them most of the time, can control them pretty often, which is much fun, I have lots of weird dreams,sometimes very mystic revealing ones, some inspire my art not only consciously...

8) darkness , a part of this world, a part of life, a part of us

9)dead, I respect the dead,sometimes talk to them in dreams ,in my mind, through art
I have a weird connection to death... I reject it a lot as It's still difficult to accept though it's a part of human existance, and yet I often feel pretty close to the dead,I walk through this garden, to remember, to connect, to infuse life back with love ,art,poetry, I dont know, it's something not easy to explain and it's getting late now

10)decay, the beautiful decay, some poetic metaphore, some touching images,pictures...

vendredi 15 juin 2007


Just woken up, feeling strange...weird dreams...people against me,critiques....I can't remember well but I had to do things all alone and my own way...

then quarelled with seb for a change!
I feel rarely hungry in the morning lately, maybe tired of eating the same thing...sighs when I think we have to go errands, the fridge is empty...

I'm moody.
I feel the eyes on my new painting are too big...maybe it looks this way because she has a big forehead not yet having her hair...

Today I have to give back my translation work...
okay that was all random...


pearls rolling down the china face who can notice a break?
can we escape now can we dreamscape now ?
smothering dust of me " yesterday where are you ?"
We cling with our claws deep in the earth core of reminiscence
I need a fire " you will feel better in this wordless igloo"
Nettles wind around my hands and pebbles cover up my portrait
Faded colors on my wings I'm scattering feathers of what does not help
futile dots maybe even this shades aren't real
wistful sighs and the blurry rainbow at the end of the path
heartsick sings the mute songs in black and white
and where am I where is my own garden?
I am always aware this eidolon follows my footsteps
Like a book of melancholic yarns
unravelling the words of these same soul secret voids


All these accidents,
That happen,
Follow the dot,
Makes sense,
Only with you,
You don't have to speak,
I feel.

Emotional landscapes,
They puzzle me,
Then the riddle gets solved,
And you push me up to this

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
Is where I want to be.

All that no-one sees,
You see,
What's inside of me,
Every nerve that hurts,
You heal,
Deep inside of me, oo-oohh,
You don't have to speak,
I feel.

Emotional landscapes,
They puzzle me - confuse,
Then the riddle gets solved,
And you push me up to this

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
Is where I want to be.

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,

Emotional landscapes,
They puzzle me,
Then the riddle gets solved,
And you push me up to this

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
Is where I want to be.

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
State of, state of,
How beautiful,
Is where I want to be.

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
Is where I want to be.

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be.

and Siren, one of my fav tori song, because she is echoing those secret ruins in my garden.

And you know you're
Gonna lie to you
In your own way

Know know too well
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren

Never was born
For a
Prissy girl
Call in for
An ambulance
Reach high
Mean she's
Just means
She's got a cellular
Almost in love "vanilla"

And you know you're
Gonna lie to you
in your own way

can t believe she sang it in Paris at her concert, so sad I wasn't there :( I have truly missed a wonderful moment:(

to finish this post, I want to do the dialog day for create a connection

What is "HOME" to you?

my answer for today( as I am very emphasizing the fact that what we think say answer at a given time is not necessary our absolute truth, it's just in harmony with our present energies and emotions)
well I often have this " I don't belong feeling "sticking to my skin...I most of the time feel uncomfortable with others, in crows, being away at someone else's house.

is my apartment my home?
In some ways because I have created my sanctuary there, I have put my fairy landmarks and all the elements I feel reassured or soothed by, beautiful things that makes me smile and feel safe.

home is where the heart is? then it's in my soul,deep in the core of me where my beloved ones are carved for aeon...
guess is just feeling fine and sort of complete where we are, each tiny still moment you capture a bliss of yours, something that will last inside...
I'm home when I love ... and yes it's a castle when I feel loved ;)

mercredi 13 juin 2007

Getting to know you for create a connection

When did you begin your first blog and what inspired you to do so?

well it's a weird story in fact...first of all I swapped decos at that time in 2003 and many girls put their livejournal intrigued I went there and could not believe my eyes???
o____O first felt "oh those Americans!!!!"
I mean diary is a private thing I was not shocked but thought it was so weird!
I did not write any, and one day I heard a girl from the penpalling world had comitted suicide...she had a livejournal
I wrote it
I felt her sadness
I wished I had been there to help her, to prevent her from doing this
I m sure we could have been friends, oh well
I decided to write my life, my thoughts because I was very very depressed at that time and well if you dared read my first livejournal in will see the dark and pathetic sides of my self, but of course I have changed and evolved,thank Goddess!
I'm healed maybe still fragile and emotional but I have some strength that I am willing to share and enough light for each blackened heart if they need :)
honestly...I wish I could help others in some ways...I adore life and I know the feeling of hating it, loathing being here and feeling not alive, feeling so alone and lost
oh well
Some characters in me are still aching some days I know that too.
But I am not depressive anymore!

Do you have more than one blog? Why? How are they different?

I have many blogs, a french one: le grenier des muses, another french one at livejournal that I never update finally

this one, the one squared art a day, and the livejournal: lilaccanopy, but I have been lilacdeaddoll, violentsoul,antiquefaechild to name a few over there ;)
I love playing with names ,usernames are funny:)
I still prefer livejournal to blogspot but I have more connection with artist and creative souls at blogspot so I have decided to update this one and copy the same to my livejournal so my friends there can have my news too:)

How would you characterize your blog?

real, poetic, sincere, just me writing my diary like my letter to the world to take beautiful sweet Emily dickinson's words<3


Political not really, I d get enraged and bitter and would surely use too many ugly words for your ears...politics is hum...power you know...power to people who loves power, not who really cares about humanity,Earth etc...

, surely for the creative sisters, to relate,to exchange,share,interact, feel we have similarities ,to be able to do something good with words:)

Or something else?sometimes I'd say something in between philosophy and psychology
& a lot of whimsy nonsense ^-^

To paraphrase Oprah, what is "one thing you know for sure" about blogging?

that friends come and go...

Is it important to you to get feedback in terms of comments or pings? Why or why not?

I m not sure what pings are?
but I do enjoy comments it's always interesting to get people's opinion about your work your thought your personality, it helps you grow, change,improve and it's also very reassuring somedays to know somebody cares, somebody feels the same :)

But well it's not why I have decided to blog. I wanted to freely write down my thoughts and see what happens,if I could be loved and seen for the real me.

I used to be very sad and lonely not to get any comments
I was wondering if someone would care about my soul and with time I tried to stop caring much stop expecting or demanding much...

I'm sure the right souls will visit and share with me their soul garden, I am blessed for this ;)
it's not quantity that matters to me but quality:)of course high quality;)

What 3 blogs would you recommend to our readers and why?

sighs it's not that easy at all...

I'd say Jen:

Even if she unfortunately don't blog enough ;oP
but she has beautiful and honest thoughts to share...and well she's one of a kind!

Mary's poetry, because she's a real creative faery spirit and I love her beautiful enthusiasm!

well and then I dont know ,it s hard to choose but three!! I can't do that really, I don't want people to get upset or feel I have forgotten them,not at all

Because Chantal la fée has always beautiful quotes to cheer me up or inspire me!full of wisdom!

C List

I'm a little pissed off by Sébastien, will go on working on my translation but right now I need a break.

so here is my C list .

1)crying, I love crying before movies, for empathy, sharing the joy or sadness of the characters...maybe it's a way to get some deep emotions out of imaginary characters we can identify too...Is it a way to flee reality?to feel more than reality?

I know I'm a dreamer but I live in this reality, sometimes it's home...and I create emotions elsewhere, I find my bliss in this and it's all mine not needing anyone.

2)connections. I make them with beautiful souls thanks to internet and penpalling.
I rarely meet like minded sisters in the real life, but internet is the real life too for my friends are real person they feel they think they dream they ache they share...what is virtual in this?

3)candle, love the metaphore of it... we may melt but we're still glowing full of light...

4)career...never really wanted one.

I remember the time I wanted to be a school teacher.
Now I can't imagine going back to study to take the big exam. I failed once and tried to enter the school to prepare it and failed about 3 times I guess...was and still am shitty at maths.
I'm not a career woman...feel ambitionless and yet sometimes I want things so bad, I want to do this and that, I have many ideas, passion, and I feel it's close to being ambitious...but then again I know what I really want.
where I find happiness, what would make me feel happy inside, what would make me look at my life with satisfaction...
not that I'm unhappy now, I have a lot to be grateful for, I have still a long road to feeling really feel I am where I want to be...but yeah I know the philosophy stop aching wanting to be where you're not, enjoy being where you are at and where you're heading, the road, the alleys to it is what matters, I do enjoy the journey, though today I'm bluesy and pissed off...

5)change...most people who want them fear them too and that does not make anyone go ahead.
I want change right now.
I am not unhappy in my present I am just not that happy, I want to go ahead,to move on, to turn the page on this "student existence" to have a so called real life and well I'm a bit hopeless about it right now seeing seb's fucking attitude...

I want to change, I want to live elsewhere, near Lille because everything is there & maybe I could meet more people and there I could definetly build my business.
seb annoys me about my business too right now, I thought he was supportive!

6)cigarettes=> can't bear them at all, the smell of it just gets me frustrative and easily agressive.
they say it's intolerance and I say ...okay you probably don't want to hear what I say ;)

7)compassion, those who can't feel it...well they surely aren't like minded companions to me at all.lack of compassion is ugly!

8)Compliments, I love giving them, I think we all need them, I think it's easy to make another person smile.
sometimes in real life I'm a little less comfortable to say compliments but I do it most of the time ,spontaneously, I love people to know what makes them shine and be unique and that I see it and care.

9) the sound of this word...the hiding...the idea of being protected...the secret...the privacy...closeness...

12)carry within your heart

13) the word...I have many imagery for it in my is sometimes so beautiful and sometimes so scary and gloomy...

14)countryside, I prefer it to city. I love the calm and nature.I need that.

15) cell phone, dont have one never will...well hope so...never say never...I'm not a phone person at all, yet I'd love to hear the voice of my dearest friends, that would be great to have a real chat...I love voices, imagining them...

16)chaotic mind...indeed.

17)Cherries I love them so much, they remind me childhood. enjoy playing with them as if they were ear rings ;) such a fae child!I love red fruits in general. my favourite!

18)children, I love them...wish I were a mother, but the more time goes by the more I wonder if it'll ever happen, everything is so complicated and maybe there are reasons why I'm still not a mother.there is something so magical about childhood, this innocence, this so wide imagination, this spontaneity, I'm blessed to still have all this inside of except for innocence of course...innocence, sighs...the return to innocence...
you know that song?
I love it so had cheered me up more than once:

"Return To Innocence"

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself

The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

I wish I had written that song, it resonates, talks to my heart so deeply.

19) choices... love free will, love freedom but yet choices are sometimes so tearing!
It makes you feel so lost. I am a very undecided woman some days, I let this life and destiny choose for me, sometimes you know you see signs and you know you have chosen the right path for you.
I still believe I have chosen the right path. I'm an artist, that's all I can give to this life/world/humanity.

20)Cats I adore mine, Takun is my greatest friend ^___^ he makes me laugh, he cheers me up, he is so sweet...I can't bear that he is losing so much hair right now( I could make a takun hair coat I guess) but well I have never thought me who laught at people who gives human names to pets and treat them as their children( but some people exagerrate so much with's almost silly but oh well everydone do what they want ;)that I would be attached to an animal ;)


22)competition. loathe this.As I always say I only compete with myself, to improve and always be better than the older version of me.

23)congratulations. It's an important thing. if you have children do congratulate them, show them you are proud, it's so important to gain self confidence as a child, or else it follows you your whole life...
well I guess some person have had congratulations and compliments as child and have a low self confidence, well if so do you know why?

24)conversation. I love them. deep ones.heartfelt ones.interesting, real soul sharing , but cheap talks are nice once in a while too...I guess if I had a friend to meet I would not have just deep conversations all the time!

25)catharsis. an obsession I guess.

26)Christ, I love Jesus but I'm no catholic nor christian.


I only made this today to thank a friend.

mardi 12 juin 2007

latest work and B list and many smiles***

Some recent artworks, the two 28x28cm art squared are made for a comissioned piece asked by Mary ann, wonder which one you've decided to take, the one you prefer ?
let me know ^_^(ok she has just chosen the upside down faery girl ;)
thank you so much for the prompt payment Mary ann and for your support!
it means a lot, I am dancing right now wooooooh OOOOOOOh thank you so much, it was my first comissioned piece ^_^
that's a big encouragement even if it leaves seb as cold and quiet as icicle ,grrrr
stupid Mars planet!
Then the other one will also be available if anyone is interested.

Fairy friends and voodoo dolls

this one is called: fairy friends & voodoo dolls
all around it it is written:
" Upside down her loving thoughts are dangling flames & icicles hidden in her hair " will you make it easy or will I have to sing + dance with my voodoo dolls because anytime you give sugar to other flowers I'm pouring rain and growing thistles"

that was a very spontaneous thought sharing. I think it's about jealousy, passion in friendship, getting insecure and then possessive ,aching due to silence, assuming things, feeling worried, are we really loved? are we really interesting?

I can get that passionate and full of flames in friendship, too dramatic and romantic ahahah that's just the whimsy pisces I am ;)

Haven't you ever got angry at some friend, felt they just give the same to anyone and wondered if you really had your own place in their heart.
In the past it used to be obsession to me.

The dare to be brave dare to be true, is there to show that we can play with voodoo dolls,be envious,jealous, want the exclusive bond ,the unique silver tie, but the most important is just like in Love: honesty, being brave, telling the truth, sharing our insecurities, what makes us doubt the friendship, the interest of the other etc...

we sometimes ache in silence. take our love back. when daring is the answer, we always get much more taking risk than remaining in silence and never getting close enough to what we really want in fairy friendship:)

what is behind her sad smile

l'arbre des soupirs( the tree of sighs)#119

Mon amie, ma jumelle # 120

fade away & rise

fade away & rise

fade away & rise

I love that kind of blurry picture, evanescent,fleeting moments,very light and pure.

On risque de pleurer un peu si l'on s'est laissé apprivoiser...

On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

some garden pictures at seb's grandmother.

me of today ^_^

me of today ^_^

my new ear rings arrived yesterday! they are so pretty!
I thought they would be silver, but it's brass color, vintage, very lovely,but I would have prefer silvery color.
but they are still my favourite ear rings now;)

Today I got a translation to do French/English
I have already's boring as hell!
but I need some pocket money for new painting and quality paper sheet as I want to paint and paint again ^_^I'm in love with this ;)

I keep playing tori amos new cd, can't get enough of it
I adore pip duet " smokey joe" so mysterious and full of gloom :)

I am very fine these days :)
super happy that I didn't have the monthly migraine, just a very boring and tiring headache at seb's mother, but oh well, it was tiring!

You know the way she thinks, the way we have to think money, future, security and the way I think bohemian life...and truly our life is getting more and more bohemian...
we eat at any hour, late in general, we get to bed later and later which I dont enjoy much because it looks on my eyes and I will have to buy expensive cream to hide or better correct this ;oP

I have many things to do.
I should write a planning or something.

if you're waiting a letter or email from me please be patient, I have not enough hours in a day for everything ;o)
but I am thinking of you ^_^

my B list now ( yes I have time for some frivolity sometimes ;o) ahah)

1)Birthday...I used to care about this so much. mine as a child, the idea of presents ^_^ just made me so happy, I sometimes wish for birthday each month that would be great ;o)
I feel it's been ages sebastien hasn t offered me a surprise, something wrapped and that I dont know what is inside...sighs
I used to think my friends birthday were important too,and was the first to send cards, letters, tiny surprises if I could not afford big
Now I am forgetful, I miss them, I'm not a very good friend in this...I just really love my friends everyday, I dont need a special occasion to let them know I care.
I know we all enjoy a thought, a small gift on that day, but sometimes I just forget or can t.

2)babies... I love them...I'm not even sure right now if it's the best moment for me.
I think because of the inside tick tock of my woman body, I feel it's time, I know later, things get complicated, and I'll be older, more easily tired etc...
I don't know.
I have also to get myself ready to the fact things wont go my way and so seb will not find a job so no baby...
life is life... I guess...

3)Beauty....sighs, beauty, is wonderful, delicious,magical,an intoxication for me
beauty in the eyes, beauty in the soul, in the face, in the make up too ^_^ like gwen stefani's song.
Beauty is poetry, truth, freedom beauty is nurturing, inspiring, invading, obsession...
Now what is this beauty?how do we find it? I truly think that like truth there is our way to see, feel,interprete things, so we can find beauty somewhere and people won't see it... I can get fascinated by things/persons I feel the beauty...

4)Balance, we all want this.
I sometimes can say I am sure I have found balance between my highs & low, doubts and acknowledgement of my skills and potentials,melancholy and bliss, my lights and darkness... I feel I am always growing, evolving.
I sometimes get stuck and have the tendency to fall in wrong ways of seeing myself, being too harsh, too demanding,egocentric or whatever...but It does not last long now.
I welcome the negative emotions, the sadness, everything, I deal with them, I select information to keep from these and I analyze and heal and rise again ^_^
but I have a nasty tendency to love to complain when I am so depressed and lonely and empty...I know I am so boring when I do that
but it makes me grow a very wide indulgence with others ;-)

5)Blessings, I love spreading fairy blessings here and there, I think we all need some beautiful positive energies in our daily routine. to scatter some sunbeams in the lonely gardens.

6)Bitterness, it's a feeling I can't bear, in me in others.
I get angry at myself when I speak with cynic ways, when I am careless and disapointed in everything, it's ugly.
I have been so damn bored by all the men I met who were so bitter about Love, oh my!
they always had to talk about all the drawbacks in couple, or the one who wanted to be with me and had to find faults in sebastien so I could see how better they were...
I think bitterness is pathetic because we are this way because we can't see hopes at all, we are blind by our dark way of thinking, envious,jealous and so hopeless about life...I have been there,I believe we can find the way out...but I have been bitter a lot in friendship to be honest and envious of the one who had found their precious soul sister and that the bond was unique, so real and shared to the world.

7)balderdash, I love the idea of saying Nonsensical things, I have poetry in my head full of weirdness, surrealist and with no instant meaning, just spontaneous waltz with words, I never share them, I think people will wonder if I am sane ahah ^___^
but I keep them in my mind:o)

an extract:

strawberry thoughts gliding on your lips, you whispers in violet clouds to show me that window of nettles and that panel that says "pick the right chord"

I could go on and on...but I protect these silly poems for me and maybe precious one if they beg to read, but most of the time I think it only make Me smile :)

8)Banshees...I love them...they inspired me a lot...they are seen in Ireland like female spirit wailing and warning of death in a house, but to me they are hurt women who need to be love & I have begged for Love my whole life ... I think that what touch me a lot in human being is their need for love, approval, gaze on them, interaction... it's painful when they deny it.
I have denied for a long time, been the cold distant icy queen, feeling independent, thinking I could do it all alone, not wanting to Need anyone!
now I am able to say when I need a friend, need to listened too, to vent etc

9) lovely and exciting!

10)Beginning, I love them, it's full of enthusiasm and magic:)but I love also the work to make thing work and last. giving.

11)Believe! of course ;)

12)Boredom, I used to have this enemy when I didn't paint or make collages...I wrote poetry about it...but now I rarely meet boredom, I meet the lack of interaction and would love to share more, meet people in real life etc but paradoxical I am a homebody;)

13)Buddhism... the wisdom quotes, the books I have, the prayers that are inspiring, the medidation exercices I have on cd or that we can listen to on internet etc...

14) bindi, I love them but don't wear them. with glasses would just look stupid ;oP

15) bread, I love it, many kinds of bread...I love to be in France for this ^_^

16) because... reminds me a fiona apple, "just need a little because because..."
can t remember the song title...but all the why's ache and some because can be such a relief:)

Blessings ,sweet day to everyone***

dimanche 10 juin 2007

ABC list.....let's begin this with A

This list will be very random and spontaneous just to share my thoughts, think creativity, relieve my mind and so forth ;)

1)Avalanche, I love that word, the idea of avanlache of imagination, of flowers of love, of poetic thoughts all swiling in my mind...I love the was in a song by Heather nova

I lie in a field, in the trailer-park of my dreams
Saving up for someday.
But what does someday mean?
And I'm young but I let it stip on by
I'm co-dependent and I'm lost inside
And you, you look like freedom
You look like the avalanche I need
The avalanche I need

And there's a road, leads away from here
And every day I stand in place and watch it disappear
And there's a bird, circles in my mind
Security's the whore in me that never lets me fly
And you, you look like freedom
You look like change
You look like the avalanche I need
The avalanche I need

With your sunburned soul
And your hunger for the road
I'm snowblind and I'm crying after
Like nothing matters
When you go down take me
When you go down, yeah, make me
I got a hunger you could feed

And I know it's a fine line divides
The place I'm looking for and what's inside
And I know it's a long, long way
Through the outskirts of everyday
And you, you look like freedom,
You look like change
You look like the avalanche I need
The avalanche I need

I love that song, I love Heather's voice a lot.

2)Amour, yes of course, one of the reason to live this life, Amour= Love if you don't know but I'm sure you do ;)
and Amour is everywhere in many things, it's what fills my thoughts with sweetness, magic, imagination and I feel a deep strength thanks to Amour...

3)Amethyste, I love that stone, beautiful color, beautiful meaning, my stone maybe I'm not sure now...but it's for anxious people , people who need to feel better, freer...I prefer very light violet almost transparent amethyste kind, so pure...the only ring seb offered me ( my engagement ring;) has a beautiful amethyste square on it, that was such a beautiful day to remember that 8 march of 2003 when he showed it to me and I opened and was so moved, the first time a boy offered me a ring!
amazing for me ^_^

4)Alacrity, not a word I use a lot, not sure of the French for it, but it sounds like a fun word and it's a feeling I enjoy a lot :)like when I open the mailbox and see a mail from a dear one, a letter in my letterbox filled with heartfelt thoughts that moves me, fascinate me, the honesty of a soul, a real sharing...true kindness is full of alacrity ^_^
being on msn chatting with dear friends...a surprise in the letterbox,a random act of kindness, a sincere compliment out of the blue, a beautiful surprise of life...being around children ^_^

5)Alchemy, such a beautiful word...makes me think of that book by Paolo coelho, the alchemist...nice book, very thoughtful.
I dream and wish for alchemy. we all do sometimes secretly.
some can experience it once ,twice, lots of time, with the same or several persons, sometimes aphazard,at unexpected moment...reminds a moment of alchemy with a wonderful guy Damien that so deeply touched my heart, 11 years after I can't forget this moment. guess moments like that never fade away, they are in a part of your heart and you wish that maybe death is just that, relieving for ever, all of these wonderful moments with all these beloved ones, beautiful souls who we dearly loved on our journey...that's just me ^_^
alchemy is those so enthusiastic " me too", and the feeling of strong surprise that warms our heart, we feel a kind of soul crush, we are understood,read,heard,seen and we're not alone, we have someone who comes from the same galaxy there is connection,we're not in the dark or not known anymore...
alchemy is passion , soul sisterhood, flirt maybe in some ways,romance...I think you can have it in the couple too but with the routine and everything there is in a life not 24/7 but I just love it when seb and I don't need to speak and we both understand what the other think, or thinking the same thing at the same time, laughing for the same things etc ^_^ we are very different but we get connected a lot!

6)alcohol hum... I've got a small obsession with the idea of alcohol I have because I have seen the nasty effect the dependence the damages, so yes I kind of have a negative look at alcohol , I dont mind people who like it, but anytime I have a friend talking about it way too much I warn her I feel concerned and get worried and most of the time I end up getting bored or flee from her... I totally think the idea of having wine together is friendly is boring, it's an idea I just can't adhere to.
I'm sorry if I sound snobby to you or killjoy, I'm very glad to be killjoy then because I have lots of fun and feel very friendly with a bottle of champomy( fake champagne for children, though I'm quite aware of the hidden marketing idea behind this ah! sighs)in fact let's be honest I'm rather anti-acohol, at least in the food to make the sauce or a cocktail once in a while for occasion maybe but most of the time I prefer no alcohol company.
I've grown to be more tolerant though and can handle people drinking beers when seb invites friends, but I'm not going to buy acohol just because that's what people want ;oP
I'm a boring girl they surely say after ^_________^ ahah
I have drank, never been drunk really.
but I have been on drugs pretty much and I know the dependence, the risks, the weakness of our addiction when we can't control our existence, the beautiful illusion of escapism
I used to be weak, so weak.

7)acceptance, I love this respect, to give it, to receive it
I love helping other soul accept themselves and take the best of who they are, the gems there are inside the well of their soul.
I love how it sounds too, acceptance...I still fail somedays, I still fall into wrong habits, but all in all, I do accept myself,my life, the way the world is, still have a hard time accepting ends , all kind of's still not that easy , can I... I'm slowly trying through art and poetry but really...I don't know how people do.

8)afar...most of the time I have loved from afar, metaphorically and for real
my lovers were penpals since the age of 19.
then my soul sister were all from foreign countries since 2003.
Is distance painful to live? is it so hard to really love and feel loved with the distance? the ocean? the wall, the barriers?
I dont know.
I know it creates passion too, I know it awakes doubts and assumptions...
It's not easy but I would not say it's better than nothing.
Loving afar is real too, it's beautiful,it's intense when you are trusting and connecting ,you are filled with thoughts, you think of them, they think of you, there is a real fairy warmth of energies ,positve waves are shared, it's good, it creates beauty, it's a different kind of Love.
whatever people say, it is real. you have only the proofs in your heart and with the intimacy being shared.

9)Apathy, such an enemy!
I have lived in numbness, I know how awful it is, I sometimes think it's worse than pain, depression, it s a part of depression of course but it's so empty not to feel not to love not to be touched, I think sometimes it's still happen here and there because I create walls, protect my soul from being scratched and slashed again...
I do trust I do love, but maybe I am being more careful now, not wanting to relive things again and meet sweet people who will just give the same to everyone and not share a unique bond with me.
I dont mind people liking connection, having friends,being surrounded but I'd rather have a few friends and someone who really can be a spiritual sister, something deeper,both side, magical....
I have made poetry about apathy I think,should find that to share maybe...

10)appeal, yes think what you want, I really enjoy being appealing, it's kind of rare now the day I do feel appealing, I feel my youth is getting away, ah! silly me!
but I look young still I know that, just that I'm not 20 anymore ^_^
I love also to look at appealing persons, it's inspiring to me and makes me smile and feel happy, I love gazing at beauty in everything so.
I think people easily call this being superficial and whatnot, but I call this being an aesthete, yeah for the sake of beauty!
I'm not elitist in this, I know and believe in the beauty of the soul and it of course radiates even more, but I love people who also take care of themselves
ahah I say so but I kind of neglect my look with the years, really, I used to be a real girl taking care of myself, but lately I seem not to find the time or enthusiasm for looking pretty, maybe I have other matters to worry :o)

I also think people who don't care and are natural can be beautiful!

11) akin...I love similarities, echoes,resonance and harmony.
I think the word akin sounds pretty...

12) art, what was on my mind I did not think of that first ahah ;-)
it s just too obvious, art is life, art is love, it fills my heart ,it makes me dream and create the inside world to put dreams in this reality, to share my ethereality, it's a way to live ,to embellish, to cheer up, to encourage, to communicate, to think,art is passion, deep flames, torrent of wild flowers, colorful,for aeon
that's why to be honest I hardly lack of imagination and creativity
I do have artist/ writer's block but I know it comes from my own walls and the limits I put to myself, I know it's a state, a way of thinking that is wrong, a sadness, a moment to mourn or something like that and then I'm back again rising :)

13)aloof , I love that word...I am sometimes very aloof, I am safe in my own bubbles, I analyse, I look and listen...I look cold and distance sometimes
I think then people can't really see me, or imagine the way the way I think the way I am...I love observation.
I think aloof is rather negative as an adjective but again it's most of the time an appearance when I care and love it is alive inside even if I look and sound aloof I am touched and I care...and I'm hurt and feel lonely sometimes & better show aloof side;)

14)attachment ,I can get attached quickly, sometimes I think it's at once or none at all, but I'm so wrong in this.
I was not attached to sebastien at first, it came with time, and was deeper and stronger
the same goes for my cat Takun, I could not bear it the first weekend ahah ^_^
I hope it'll be different with my children ;oP
I love it when people are attached to me but only if I feel attached to them or else I feel the unbalance is dangerous or make me feel uncomfortable...

I'm sure I forgot many words that begins with A and that I love, nevermind...tomorrow I'll try to do the B list ;)
feel free to do it too and let me know so I'll have a look at your list

Blessed be, sweet dreams***

oh I'm back, it was ok but I am so glad to be back...I am such a homebody, I can't stand being away, especially sleeping at others's home
I love being in my home, I'm friendly etc, but I love being at home, I love solitude, I love inviting friends too, if I had them I would, but maybe not everyday ^_^

oh I'm so sleepy and the week will get so busy, oh my!

mercredi 6 juin 2007

The beautiful bliss...

It's funny that when you dare to love, to open your heart and pour your soul can happen beautiful greatest joys and at the same time a deep hollow of melancholly...

well maybe someone out there in the world can understand my late rants.

I'm gone for some days, so see you when I'm back!
will you miss me, Goddess knows...

faery smiles

mardi 5 juin 2007

Who are we really?

Comment to this post by describing yourself in no less than 20 and no more than 50 SINGLE words. Then post this in your blog to learn more about YOUR friends. :)


dimanche 3 juin 2007

Time flies, give wings to those special moment filled with sincere feelings

It's sunday morning, I'm feeling happier for some reasons or maybe more hopeful ;-)
though I still have a mild sore throat.

seb has just gone to fetch some delicious breakfast from the bakery...I can hear him coming back :)

Fae child

We're working on my new website look and now it seems seb is the one who's more in a hurry to see the result and show the site to everyone ^_^

I hope you will like it because well I would find it hard to understand people prefering the old one which I tend to really don't like right now :P

Warrior of the light song

Warrior of the light song

I was thinking, Helene you're so messy and kind of confusing not following one thing not being able at all to work on one theme,one line, one style at a time...

I was working with the theme of time but then I couldn t focuse, I will make other pieces on that theme but just can't seem to force myself, I am spontaneous and I give my soul to each piece so I can't just say "now you work on this only!"

that would be cutting my wings :p

But I thought it would be at least interesting to make several artworks in the style of the layout with tea and black acrylic stains and tree haired women with birds :)

and so I did.

The poor character of the warrior of the light must be kinda upset at me :p
I wanted to give her curly hair and it was such a mess, she looked like some 80's starlet or something so I just tried to save her looks creating this kind of cleopatra helmet ahah

anyway I think it could have been worse!
but yes I am not satisfied with this one at all.

I am always lucky and very surprised when people put in favourite at flickr work that I dont fancy, but I think it is normal.
tastes are different and that's also why we should never be ashamed of what we do, just wait and see
there will always be someone to see the work and heart put in it even if it's not one of your best piece!

I named it the warrior of the light song because of the bird and the fact she kinda looked like a strengthful and courage woman
she does not mind her ridiculous or weird hair, she has something in her eyes, maybe an aim ,some goals she wont let go ever.

Sweet Jen

Sweet Jen, 24x32 cm on watercolor paper

this one was sad indeed.
Jen is standing before a lake where sort of dead trees are growing.
yes it's a lake don't laugh!

seb did not see the lake, but I am sure there are some souls out there who noticed it, nevermind *_*

I thought she looked so sad that I didn't include tears, I thought it was showing enough.
She is confiding to a bird because she needs to talk,to feel heard, to have some listen her soul songs even if sometimes it is not as melodious as she'd like.
she just wanted someone to be interested in hearing her own melodies, noticing her uniqueness...

Sweet Jen has just been trapped in some kind of mould of appearance maybe, in not letting herself be completely her, because maybe it would be bad or after all who would care?

She was herself only by the lake, maybe it's the lake of all the tears uncried by hidding her soul by not being noticed and loved entirely for who she was.

to cheer her up, I gave her necklace and bracelet, a flower and some glitter...
I couldn't let her alone in this grey scenery.

Sweet jen has sort of abandon herself and now she has decided to let her tiny wings of free spirit grow, she has to unfold and start to fly above the lake and dead trees she can see other landscapes in her soul garden, she can free her mind and learn to love her heart with more gentleness.

I think many of us may have had for a moment a sweet Jen inside them, it's so common and still so heartbreaking not to be oneself completely not to love oneself, not to be able to acknowledge one's beauty and uniqueness till others see it, as if we were worth only if we were popular, loved etc

here I want to dedicate this piece to Jennifer Grace, I haven't seen it all of you, I am sorry that the first time you came across my soul I didn't notice the echoes & couldn't see how your state of emergency with your sharing of soul was as close as mine.
I think to be honest that I have grown bitter and though I am dreaming of soul sisters and true frienship I know it's hard very hard to trust, to let go, to put off the armor and the shield, to decide to love, to hope for forevers etc
we fear repetitions,cycles,coming across that kind of same person who are superficial who call you friends not celebrating the meaning of the word, not really giving time to it, not really sharing finally.

I felt too exhausted ,hurt and I think it's still so difficult but if I don't let go how will I know I have a soul sister before me?
how will I truly love again?

close up Moments with wings

Moments with wings

so this is why comes "Moments with wings"

here it's hum ok just to make you all laugh,a self portrait mwahahahhahah, yes it is!
how dare you laugh?
ok I laught too ^______________^

in fact I took an old picture of me and I tried to draw myself
the eyes are really weird!I have tried to draw them many times!
I have these moles on my face which makes me be recognized & feel unique ^_^

I have always loved them! some friends at school asked if they were real as she created one next to her mouth with make up!
that was funny!
the face fundation is ugly really,to rosey I guess
in the hair I wrote some poetic thoughts sort of...about the fact we had plenty of time to love, to love again,to trust again, to love oneself to love others
we can give wings to moments is kind of paradoxical
some moments are precious and the wings emphathize this
and also the fact time flies so maybe it's better to decide to love now...

I got really hopeful lately thanks to friends!
thanks to Violet who spoilt me so much...

I receive a sort of random act of kindness, as even if she knew my website she didn t knew me(she send me a very big package of goodies from

I was so touched, so many things I love, like butterfly vintage sticker,glittery stuff,charms to use in my art, hello kitty pads, so many things really!

I thought it was xmas!
when things like that happens I really feel I am blessed, I am fae child, I feel special and so grateful!
Thank you so much Violet, your kindness helped me remember what I believe in and what I also have to give, all the mysterious and glitter of my heart...

I also have received some fabulous art trade lately, I know I don't take picture to show your art friends to thank you etc
I think it's out of laziness and also because I am not always at ease when people share what I offer to them, maybe because it's between you and I.
I dont know...I think it's always lovely when someone is super happy and wants to share what they got.
the business woman will tell you it's free ad ahah
but really I dont mind that much and not taking a pic of your art trade does not mean I dont give a damn , well I needed to add this, for all who might think so,because lately I have just received beautiful wonderful heartful/artful trades that made my day and I am waiting for some others youuuuuOOOUUUUUUH ^_^

I bought myself( feeling a little blue and lonely lately)these fabulous ear rings, it's been ages I wanted bird ear rings and I thought it was great to support another artist treating myself for once ;-)

bird earings

really etsy is dangerous sometimes, there are soo many beautiful things there!

Sales of art squared if you want to support my art

I thank in advance those who have already reserved some pieces!thank you!

I also bought myself vintage music sheet at etsy, I am still trying to find a book of these to have enough for the rest of my life( kidding)

oh and I want to thank again Tricia for the yummy Tea!!!It's so delicious!

well I think I haven't forgotten anything?
still getting busy and working

I have found another shop which would be willing to sell my art! congrats on me ^_^ahah ;o)

I really hope to begin my business in september, the more I see things the more I can't wait for it to come and nevermind if they say art is not the best way to earn your life girl!
nevermind really...I have always done the things against the tide.

seb has not found a job yet, so it's getting stressful, he has to find a job before the end of july or august to the worste but really if not we will have to stay in Cambrai, and I will go hang myself( kidding) but I just can't imagine this right now.

next week we may go to seb's family which gets me kind of stressed because it's on top of that not the good timing in the month for me, girls you know what I mean...
I'm feeling grumpy and easily irratating...
Though I'm trying my best to be on good terms with her, seb's mother can't help but criticizing our way of living and us anytime we go and it makes me feel like a 18 years old girl lectured by her parents...though my parents have never been this way...well maybe my mean father ;oP and he is still always skeptic and pessimistic but I'll show him things to be proud of,let's hope =)

maybe I'll do the list ABC things everyone seems to be doing right now if I can't find some times, right now I have another huge to do list, letters to reply, art to create for my nsp's, on and on...

Blessings and namaste!


Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profundity.
Kindness in giving creates love.

Maya Angelou :

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

Mother Teresa:

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.


I think that maybe the best and easiest random act of kindness is to see a soul,compliment her,her way of thinking,her uniqueness,her work,her beauty, listening's free and it's so human and beautiful to give time to others...