***Magick and Freedom in the Writing world***

A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day.
Emily Dickinson

Writing is always personal in some way but not always in a direct way.
Suzanne Vega

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it.
Anais Nin

1) Do you feel that immense Freedom in the writing world? can you write about anything?

I feel thanks to any kind of art I can push further and further the limits of Freedom, It's freeing, it's amazing,it's comforting,it's therapy it's getting to know oneself and the world better,it's wandering in inner places etc.

Yes I think I can write about anything, I think words are meant to be used, to be played with,to be turned upside down,to dance with, to be sung,murmured and so forth.

Writing is my weapon,words are my truest friends!



2)Do you feel safer in the writing world or are you at ease too with speaking?
what is the difference for you?

I guess I am safer because I am never at ease speaking especially in public,I have done a lot of things so contrary to my nature to be introvert.
But it depends sometimes I really love speaking, I just need to control my emotions and slow down.

3)Can you travel thanks to writing?

Yes and I enjoy that a lot since I can not travel in this real life due to being totally broke...I miss travelling but less and less thanks to my magical powers to travel in my painting as much as in my writing, I also travel thanks to penpalling writing to dearest friends far away , they give me pieces of their world, they bring Greece, The usa, England,Italy, Germany and so forth to me ^_


4)Do you re-create another world, or another self in the writing?is it an escape or a way to dream?to find some peace of mind?

if I write poetry I do re-create another world, I walk in fairytale realms, I want to scatter magick in the real world.
I love the magick of creating characters as if they came to me, they are real entity, I sometimes can feel them, I have all knowledge about their psychology and how they feel etc, it is the same for painting.

I don't know if I create another self in writing, I think My writings talks about me and my different personas but I am always real even if I feel the need to add magick here and there.

I have escaped a lot in the writing world, it's my haven, but really I don't believe in escapism now.
I believe in creation, expression and sharing the sparks, writing offers me great peace of mind because it helps me collect all the pieces of my mind through life,through others's feeling and so forth.


5) Can you write about your secrets to feel better when you need to share?( either in blogs or private diaries)

I guess I have always shared a lot of private and secret things at my blog and livejournals,I don't know if I am a private person.
I love sharing, I don't mind how people will perceive my words, I am glad if I get beautiful gentle echoes but if I get misunderstood I go my way, I am fine with writing any and everything I want.
sometimes I am even close to total careless cynism because I feel I don't give a damn if I am misinterprete, misread,unread or whatever, this is just life, I am good and fine the way it is .

I more and more write for myself, but I still love to share with others if it can do them any good, then it's the cherry on my cake ^_^

I sometimes keep too private secrets for my paper diary or to share with true friends in emails or letters.


6)Are there things you would never write?(in your diaries or in blog etc)

that could be paradoxical to say yes when I've just said I could write about anything, but I mean here that I would not write to hurt to spread negativity etc

Oh I have yelled a lot,talked about all my constestarory views, my strong opinions when I could not hold my tongue.
I sometimes think about writing a blog for this!

Kind of revolutionnary( kidding) no but well there are still lots of things that annoys me, frustrates me, angers me.
and it's not necessarily about the cheap things!

Lack of respect and wounding the Feminine get me very angry!

I would never write things I dont believe in things I dont think, mean things for free, all that waste of time you know.

7) have you ever done Ghost writing, it's like role playing with letters or emails?
would you be interested in this?

I have been asked to be ghost penpals in the past, I was a bit shocked, I love writing to meet a soul to find a real personality and to share interact, the idea of faking it and playing a role was just not my kind at all.
but then I remember having done this with a friend at school when I was 13/14,it was funny and creative.
we imagined we were older and had boyfriends, we imagined we lived somewhere else and had another name:)

I would be interested in this to some extent. but I think it could be very creative and inspiring.

8)Would you write about your fantasies or keep them in your mind, because it's too secret and private to share?

what's that question? ok it's me who asked this?huh? well it's surely another of my persona;)
well I guess I have already written about my fantasy in previous blogs.
I think it's private,but maybe anonymously it's easier.

9) would you feel safer to write a blog if you were anonymous?

I guess yes for some things I am never sure if it's good to share but if I want to write them it's because it will do me good, put my mind at ease.

but I also think that when you really love some persons you would like them to be able to read you completely real blogs and anonymous one.

and also I think that in the anonymous one you'd love to share your real self too, well it's all real in fact just that you categorize things, maybe you limit things as if it has to be limited. It is weird.

But Fairy and childish illustration can not work with your wild and darker side can it?
I do feel safer this way.
Oh and sometimes the freedom of writing makes you write nonsense, just for the sake of creativity and sharing pieces of subconscious, people would take it as a whole.
I don't know, it's strange because I do accept everything I am and I am not ashamed about anything I may have written even my melodramatic posts at my lilacdeaddoll livejournal in the time of depression.
I think we cannot judge someone from one side, we can not judge at all though but at least we can have an idea of a person after a long time of sharing and interacting.
the feeling, the intuition is good of course but it does not say all about what/who the person is.

it takes time to grow an old friend.



10)Do you believe that being anonymous increase the freedom of writing?or do you feel that then maybe you are not seen and heard in your complete real self?

yes it does but the real freedom is to write whatever we want to write, yes maybe you are not seen and heard in your complete self but who is really?
you can only hear ,read, and see your completely self alone.

No one will but you.
Others can grasp a lot of your essence but alas no one can really understand another person. as much as we can. as much as we identify or relate etc.

That is why communication is important and respect too, because it's easy to think we know others, it's easy to make assumptions and be so wrong, it's easy to limit things, to say if I were I would this or that.
we have to remember before speaking that what we see is nothing but ourselves so we have to take time, ask questions, be patient to have an healthy sharing with the ones we care about.



11) What is writing to you?
writing is diving in Imagination oceans, the depth of your innermost thoughts, it's celebrating life and art.
writing is freedom always more infinite freedom as utopic as it sounds:)
writing is art, passion,sharing, a blessing, writing is the voice of my soul the real me,writing is the way I have always lived, I have met many beautiful souls through this medium, I have met my dear Love sebastien thanks to penpalling.

I am a romantic,writing is deep life,a way to be heard in the truest feelings we have to offer and reveal.








and because she is too beautiful for words:



I adore this song and Sophie is so very emotional singing it she lives the song on stage , I want to cry anytime I sing it! it's so marvelous painfully divine!

thank you Sophie zelmani!

Soul searching:Horizons & boundaries

Lately I got a real good feeling of being me.finding new pieces of my personality, I felt very balanced, very happy being me, at the right place and doing what I should do even if all the things I did lately were maybe weird or different from how I am used to be seen and even by myself!
I realized in this research and exploration that I am very/really different.
no in the fact we are all unique and different, but really different from what people do or think and yet I had a plunge in another kind of place.
I fall into the crows of maybe normal people.
I recalled some obsessions. I admitted several things about me and humanity.
I grow a bigger tolerance and widen my horizon.

but then after this good feeling I came to some other conclusions that made me feel a little sad sometimes.
I also whatever I'll say feel a little bad about age.
it s not really the physical aging, I dont know, it's the fact of not being the young one anymore.
sure many of my friends are older so for them I am the young...but I feel so old.

I don't know how to explain and well maybe right now it makes me feel a little sad for nothing I know.
just a waste of time and thinking.
let me try to answer my questions for the getting to know day I did.




1)Do you think you really know yourself pretty well?tell us more.


Yes I know myself a lot, always a little more each day because I do believe we learn everyday something new and this can have impact in our personality and way of thinking.
I have realised for instance that I sort of watched out my way of writing here because I have older friends and I don't want to let go with language and swearing because with words like 'fuck' ' damn it' etc I'll sound like the young one even more.

maybe what bothers me in being seen as the young one is that as who I am myself I feel the old one, especially when making younger friends :((((((
Oh Goddess I am closer to the thirtieth crisis I guess;)
no I am kidding but lately I told seb I would like to people and pretend I am 24 like him ;)

silly me;)
bygones...

I digress so much.
I know myself because maybe I am very close to my emotional self and all the things I feel I analyse, I need to dig deeper and understand everything,learn,know...
But as I am a paradoxical person,with different personas that make it very complexe somehow for me to understand myself sometimes, I can say there are days I wonder if I know this person.


2)Do you think you are a tolerant person? how far?

I am tolerant.
I tolerate what does not hurt another person.
I tolerate what still respect others.
I think everyone has the right to do what they want,think what they think till it is not in an evil way you know.
I don't tolerate muslims man who force their woman to obey,stay at home, wear the veil if it doesn't make these wives happy, if these wives are sincerely honestly fine with it, then whatever it's their lives!
I won't bring my high feminist artillery!
I tolerate people who smoke pot if they are not my friends and if it's not in my home, the same for cigarettes
well I could hardly have friends who smoke because it would be really difficult to meet, I cannot bear the smell of cigarettes.


3) what about your strong opinions? is it easy to talk about them or can it hurt others opinion?can it create distance between you and your family? you and your friends?


I had many problems about these.
here on an old jrnl profile you can read something I wrote and that cost me a friendship
the girl put that quotes about some punk rock emo star oh well , she seemed to admire him so much that she would swallow all of his speech, I did not understand.
It was not right, I dont know.

I am always annoyed when people put the blame on humanity always as if we were fundamentally evil?
am I the last one to believe there is real good in human beings?or what?

I have split with a friend because she voted Bush, well I was just so shocked , felt betrayed that she had such a way of thinking.
it was so not in harmony with her personality and thinking.
with time I felt I had overreacted.
but the fact she voted to sort of please her family that was a big too much for me.

But I am not an American I don t know how it is and how it works.
and our president here does not make me happier so...

I try to avoid strong opinions topics now.
I am way too passionate about my convictions.
I can listen to others but if I think what they think is so opposed to what I think it might create a big gap.
tolerance sure. but our friends are pieces of us, we are who we love.
I am not going to be friends with xenophobic homophobic mysognynist for instance mwahahahhahha(evil laughters)



4)What is judgemental?
do you judge yourself, do you give limits to yourself, as you are like this so you can not do that?
do you have this feeling that people who sort of know you sometimes can limit you, because you feel you are what they see and know of you and you can't be more wondering/worrying if they will still love you the same and accept you if you think or act this way?

we all make boring and stupid assumptions as if we were better than others, as if because we dont act or like the same things we are over them.
I would like to go past this once for all.
the easy critiques you know. the "oh she is blonde and sexy, brainless slut"

I dont know anyways why we take the time to criticize others that are so different from us. is it to draw the lines? to stay away from what we'll never be?
is it because we dont understand that kind of attitudes?

do we need to be mean ,saying things about others?
I mean may it be stars,persons on tv etc...

I have a sharp critiques because I am so frank,it is dangerous!
I am impulsive and spontaneous so it does not help.

I also judge myself a lot, I try to do this less and less, but I can't change the bad habits in a night;)
I am always too fat here, too skinny, I have wrinkles,grey white hair, I have tired eyes, I am not pretty,I am good at this, could I be better at that...etc

it's like a constant search for improvement, obsessional maybe?
Yet I am not that self centered!

I think I have that idea that people I care about,friends, have an idea of me, that I am sweet and nice.
and sometimes I am not even sure they would love it all about me, but if seb can maybe then I should not worry:)
I think I can do things where I am not expected and maybe it may shock,disapoint or confuse others.

I dont do it in this purpose, I do it for the sake of expression and for the sake of my soul's yearning to exist, to feel alive,real etc, to fill myself with sparkles with lights,with fireflies, I dont know...I bear this lacuna in me.

I am glad of my life etc but I bear empty spaces, the 'not enough' and 'missing parts' often comes back to me.

so as for judgemental I try to take distance to it, not to talk to someone a certain way because of their age etc,condescendence for instance is something I hardly tolerate.
I am humble whatever people say.
I might talk assert myself,put my pictures and art everywhere, I am still my little self.nothing more nothing less.



5)How do you push your limits and open your self to new horizons?
what did you learn or discovery lately about yourself that surprised you?

by taking risks, being there where I am not expected
do crazy things
surprise myself
role play in my art, putting myself in someone else's dress, I love that
not because my own life dress doesn t suit me but because some escapism and dream of several existences is a pleasure artists can taste.

I discovered some things I won't write here. I keep it for art if I want to share it.
it surprised me because of what I had said in the past.



6)Have you ever done something that was very unusual for you?
do you sometimes research and try new things to get closer to your real self, to grow, to go on building your personality, to always develope it and evolve?

yes.I am researching on weird things to help myself with other things.
I am getting closer to myself in this process . I can't explain.
I feel freer.
I need to always evolve and get to know new things,dive deeper in the self discovery to inspire myself with new things.
I love this because even if my life is the same daily, waking up making art etc
I can add lots of fundamental changes in my heart/soul/mind/spirit

I am closer to myself and healthier.
I am learning to love myself in another way.


7)What are the limits you won't ever cross?I mean in changing,evolving,saying who you are,being your true self?
what are the limits you keep, to have a full balance being you, sharing your truths and being accepted?

I won't cross the limits of modifying myself,changing the person I am totally.
I can try things that are not really me to see how it feels, like trying new personas:)
I wont abandon myself, my faithfulness, I wont betray my beliefs, my love for God/Goddess
I wont betray my beloved ones ever.
In changing and evolving I wont forget where I'm coming from and I will never cross the lines to lose myself taking too big risks that could show another image of me that is wrong.
but some things about me can give an image of me that is already wrong
it s people judgement, I can not do anything to prevent this
I'll be this and that for you and this and that for another person.

some think I am boring some think I am intriguing:)
it s a fair balance;)

the limits I keep to feel balanced being me and accepted by others?
respect honesty and not necessarily telling everything when not needed.
people don't have to know it all about me to love me.
some things are private.

I have to learn that privacy thing,it is weird because I feel I need to explain it all,to share myself, to say what I think,why I do that, explain my work ,my pictures etc ,and maybe mostly and surely for fear of being misinterpreted,misread and taken wrongly
but whatever, I know it's something that cannot be avoid if you dare put your soul in the light and be your naked self.

I don't mind judgements if my beloved ones love and accept me as I am, I am fine and blessed. and as far as I accept myself I am feeling good.



Poppy cravings, my latest artwork


Blessings***

The strange strangeness of existence

Getting to know you day, soul searching


I would have a lot to write, but it's getting late, I will reply to my own questions(yes indeed;)tomorrow if I can:)
you can have look to the link above and share your answers with me



Garden of Infatuations.

And my new series: The faery Knowledge collection.

I had this in mind for a while but never began it.
I will see how it goes.
Maybe I will make 10 of them or 100 ?
we'll see what the faeries have to teach me;)and you:)

no really it's not teaching,they come and go and they share their own philosophies.
sometimes it's sticky honey we can not really apply in our daily life at some moment.
But it's always poetic and lovely sayings that warm up the heart and I love it!
well parts of me love it, there is still the dark grumpy one who says " hey you H.honey where is the gloom? where is the darkness? I dont feel home here in these rainbow lands"









and here is my Illustration Friday: Missing
I titled it: Lacuna
beautiful word that could be a metaphore for a lot of things...

there is a lot in this painting,emotions,soul sharing,secrets,honesty and also a lot of unsaid.
It can be interpreted different ways and of course I am always glad when people can relate to my work and understand or remember pieces of them through my paintings.


***Many blessings, sweet dreams***

: Spiritual growth: Doors and windows

On wednesday I was the host for the getting to know you day,here was the questions I asked everyone & my answers to them:)
feel free to share your answers with me:)



1)which are the latest doors in your mind, your world, you had to close, to feel safe, to stop bearing grudges, to just learn to say goodbye and to move on?


I think the latest doors I have closed was the grudge one.
I have been so betrayed and hurt by soul sisters I loved so much.
some of them I really loved with passion to be honest.
the hurt is as big as the love you feel.

I had to heal. but in the meantime I grow weary of friendship, I could not trust and love again.
then with thinking and focusing on the beauty on what I had to give on what I really wanted, I finally mend the pieces in me.
I have forgived.
I have told myself it was not that bad to have trust, to have given to person who did not saw how important and rare it all was, nevermind...

I am very happy now I have closed these doors.
I am very glad I have decided to turn the page and begin new ones:)

I think it is true, it's always better after the hurt, you really can meet the souls you want to share with ^_^
I am lucky for it and I enjoy this feeling, this awareness:)

I have also closed the doors of guilt. well still trying to. it sometimes opens again against my will;)
I am trying to close this door that make me think this cannot work with this, you can't be this and that!
people won't love you if they know!
How can you be/behave this way?

I close these doors, I free my mind and move on. If there is only one life I want to live it deeply and not stop or block myself.
sometimes we judge ourselves, we think this is not right,we think too much of consequences, risks taken and if it will be worth it.
I want to think differently.
I just want to live,experience,share,and sip the beauty of being alive:)

and nevermind if I'll be judged and seen wrongly, and misinterpreted and reduced to things I can do sometimes, feel, say etc

we are more than what we do , we have many personas, we are always and never the same and this chameleons is pleasant, it breaks routine, it opens door for me, it is a part of inspiration,discovering always,pushing limits
never hurting myself neither anyone:)

I think we all do judge others and their attitudes or behaviours way too quickly just because they can be different.
this is not fair, however lame or pathetic you think they can appear look be, they are more than this!
I believe in what's under our mistakes.faults.flaws.breaks.and so forth:)




2) do you believe in Hellen keller's famous quote (that I love)
that when a door closes another one opens and how did it showed in your life? any stories to tell?think about it;)


well sometimes yes sometimes no, but it depends on my mood, when I'm grumpy and so sad I can't see things clear of course.

but I always try my best to wait and see, be patient
Because it's all in this, Patience's hands

I am someone who loves Hopes.
I think now what matters is not to dwell before the closed doors
it is to accept and go on our journey, there are several paths to choose & we're always fine,blessed and free when we carry our home inside our soul/heart.


4)Sometimes all doors are closed, but there are Window
the third eyes is the biggest window of our mind.
How do you escape this way? how do you heal travelling by that window?
what are the thoughts that appeases you when all doors are closed in your life on your path?


My third eyes helps me a lot to visualize things , to see things in a better view.
I have a lot of spiritual trips, without drugs rest assured mwahahhahahhahha ^___^
I am not such a Hippie ;)

I escape of course through meditation,yoga , art and writing.

I am a lucky person because I have this deep wide potential to create, to imagine!
I am very blessed and grateful to be able to hear the muses and receive messages from far far away realms;)

When I want to heal something in me, I visualyze my inner room, my haven, I find this place within where I can feel safe, and remember all the beauty , the reasons to live again and not give up.


4)Eyes are often seen as the windows of the souls? would you agree?
do you feel people's soul this way? is the gaze something important to you?
do you feel you're an open book when someone reads in your eyes?

I don't know. I love trusting my intuition:)
I love eyes
I think it's a beautiful body part. it's so mysterious, saying so much still hiding so much.
I think my love sebastien can read in my eyes, my mother too maybe my father too, but that's all.
Not that I feel myself being a mysterious woman, but I'm a bit cold and aloof in general with people in society so I'm not sure they can read much but sybilline enigmas;)
I also used to feel uninteresting,dumb and so forth because of being so distant,mute and the transparent girl in the corner of the room ah!




5) tell me about the door you need to close and open right now? think. look around. your goals. your regrets. your anger.memories.anything.make peace with yourself.

right now?
denial door.stress door.
off with that!

I am me, I am the way I am, take it or leave I won't change, and nevermind if I disapoint some people.

I have to close the door of stress because it wont help me with my goals, I have to stop doubting too to continue working on my business project!
it s such a lot of work!

I want to open some doors I won't name, yes me mysterious ^___^
and I also am impatient to open the door of my new art studio, my new apartment, my new life,my new realer work life!
Bring it on bring it on!!!!

My latest painting:" I don't know You"
24x32 cm on watercolor paper.







I got a lot of mails this week, was so happy because last week I was feeling very lonely!
Thank you so much to Violet, Maria,Chantal,Dawn and Valerie for their letters and packages and postcards:)
I love love love surprises ^______^

I have made an art trade with Valerie Sokol a very nice and open minded fairy artist:)
she was sweet enough to agree for a trade with me and I received one of her lovely fairy match box, something to take like a lucky charm,unique kind of work:)

so friends, go watch her work and support her art,say hello:) if you like it:)
it's also very pretty as a gift for a special friend who needs some fairy dust ;)

Valerie's shop at etsy
she also makes lovely cards:)