mercredi 13 juin 2007

C List

I'm a little pissed off by Sébastien, will go on working on my translation but right now I need a break.

so here is my C list .

1)crying, I love crying before movies, for empathy, sharing the joy or sadness of the characters...maybe it's a way to get some deep emotions out of imaginary characters we can identify too...Is it a way to flee reality?to feel more than reality?

I know I'm a dreamer but I live in this reality, sometimes it's home...and I create emotions elsewhere, I find my bliss in this and it's all mine not needing anyone.

2)connections. I make them with beautiful souls thanks to internet and penpalling.
I rarely meet like minded sisters in the real life, but internet is the real life too for my friends are real person they feel they think they dream they ache they share...what is virtual in this?

3)candle, love the metaphore of it... we may melt but we're still glowing full of light...

4)career...never really wanted one.

I remember the time I wanted to be a school teacher.
Now I can't imagine going back to study to take the big exam. I failed once and tried to enter the school to prepare it and failed about 3 times I guess...was and still am shitty at maths.
I'm not a career woman...feel ambitionless and yet sometimes I want things so bad, I want to do this and that, I have many ideas, passion, and I feel it's close to being ambitious...but then again I know what I really want.
where I find happiness, what would make me feel happy inside, what would make me look at my life with satisfaction...
not that I'm unhappy now, I have a lot to be grateful for, I have still a long road to feeling really feel I am where I want to be...but yeah I know the philosophy stop aching wanting to be where you're not, enjoy being where you are at and where you're heading, the road, the alleys to it is what matters, I do enjoy the journey, though today I'm bluesy and pissed off...

5)change...most people who want them fear them too and that does not make anyone go ahead.
I want change right now.
I am not unhappy in my present I am just not that happy, I want to go ahead,to move on, to turn the page on this "student existence" to have a so called real life and well I'm a bit hopeless about it right now seeing seb's fucking attitude...

I want to change, I want to live elsewhere, near Lille because everything is there & maybe I could meet more people and there I could definetly build my business.
seb annoys me about my business too right now, I thought he was supportive!

6)cigarettes=> can't bear them at all, the smell of it just gets me frustrative and easily agressive.
they say it's intolerance and I say ...okay you probably don't want to hear what I say ;)

7)compassion, those who can't feel it...well they surely aren't like minded companions to me at all.lack of compassion is ugly!

8)Compliments, I love giving them, I think we all need them, I think it's easy to make another person smile.
sometimes in real life I'm a little less comfortable to say compliments but I do it most of the time ,spontaneously, I love people to know what makes them shine and be unique and that I see it and care.

9) the sound of this word...the hiding...the idea of being protected...the secret...the privacy...closeness...

12)carry within your heart

13) the word...I have many imagery for it in my is sometimes so beautiful and sometimes so scary and gloomy...

14)countryside, I prefer it to city. I love the calm and nature.I need that.

15) cell phone, dont have one never will...well hope so...never say never...I'm not a phone person at all, yet I'd love to hear the voice of my dearest friends, that would be great to have a real chat...I love voices, imagining them...

16)chaotic mind...indeed.

17)Cherries I love them so much, they remind me childhood. enjoy playing with them as if they were ear rings ;) such a fae child!I love red fruits in general. my favourite!

18)children, I love them...wish I were a mother, but the more time goes by the more I wonder if it'll ever happen, everything is so complicated and maybe there are reasons why I'm still not a mother.there is something so magical about childhood, this innocence, this so wide imagination, this spontaneity, I'm blessed to still have all this inside of except for innocence of course...innocence, sighs...the return to innocence...
you know that song?
I love it so had cheered me up more than once:

"Return To Innocence"

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself

The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

I wish I had written that song, it resonates, talks to my heart so deeply.

19) choices... love free will, love freedom but yet choices are sometimes so tearing!
It makes you feel so lost. I am a very undecided woman some days, I let this life and destiny choose for me, sometimes you know you see signs and you know you have chosen the right path for you.
I still believe I have chosen the right path. I'm an artist, that's all I can give to this life/world/humanity.

20)Cats I adore mine, Takun is my greatest friend ^___^ he makes me laugh, he cheers me up, he is so sweet...I can't bear that he is losing so much hair right now( I could make a takun hair coat I guess) but well I have never thought me who laught at people who gives human names to pets and treat them as their children( but some people exagerrate so much with's almost silly but oh well everydone do what they want ;)that I would be attached to an animal ;)


22)competition. loathe this.As I always say I only compete with myself, to improve and always be better than the older version of me.

23)congratulations. It's an important thing. if you have children do congratulate them, show them you are proud, it's so important to gain self confidence as a child, or else it follows you your whole life...
well I guess some person have had congratulations and compliments as child and have a low self confidence, well if so do you know why?

24)conversation. I love them. deep ones.heartfelt ones.interesting, real soul sharing , but cheap talks are nice once in a while too...I guess if I had a friend to meet I would not have just deep conversations all the time!

25)catharsis. an obsession I guess.

26)Christ, I love Jesus but I'm no catholic nor christian.


I only made this today to thank a friend.

1 commentaire:

She Who Flies a dit…

There would be so much to respond to in this post :-) In brief, I like the word catharsis too. Once you go through one, life can never be the same again. It's like a healing force that propels us on your journey. Like having wings, all of a sudden :-)
And yes, the cherries! You used to do that too? I think every little playful French girl did it. I did! You now, unlike most French girls, I didn't get my ears pierced at an early age. I guess my mum didn't see the need and I didn't ask. But why wear earrings when you can wear juicy red cherries? (I finally got my ears pierced when I was 33!!!!)