dimanche 10 juin 2007

ABC list.....let's begin this with A

This list will be very random and spontaneous just to share my thoughts, think creativity, relieve my mind and so forth ;)

1)Avalanche, I love that word, the idea of avanlache of imagination, of flowers of love, of poetic thoughts all swiling in my mind...I love the word...it was in a song by Heather nova

I lie in a field, in the trailer-park of my dreams
Saving up for someday.
But what does someday mean?
And I'm young but I let it stip on by
I'm co-dependent and I'm lost inside
And you, you look like freedom
You look like the avalanche I need
The avalanche I need

And there's a road, leads away from here
And every day I stand in place and watch it disappear
And there's a bird, circles in my mind
Security's the whore in me that never lets me fly
And you, you look like freedom
You look like change
You look like the avalanche I need
The avalanche I need

With your sunburned soul
And your hunger for the road
I'm snowblind and I'm crying after
Like nothing matters
When you go down take me
When you go down, yeah, make me
I got a hunger you could feed

And I know it's a fine line divides
The place I'm looking for and what's inside
And I know it's a long, long way
Through the outskirts of everyday
And you, you look like freedom,
You look like change
You look like the avalanche I need
The avalanche I need

I love that song, I love Heather's voice a lot.

2)Amour, yes of course, one of the reason to live this life, Amour= Love if you don't know but I'm sure you do ;)
and Amour is everywhere in many things, it's what fills my thoughts with sweetness, magic, imagination and I feel a deep strength thanks to Amour...

3)Amethyste, I love that stone, beautiful color, beautiful meaning, my stone maybe I'm not sure now...but it's for anxious people , people who need to feel better, freer...I prefer very light violet almost transparent amethyste kind, so pure...the only ring seb offered me ( my engagement ring;) has a beautiful amethyste square on it, that was such a beautiful day to remember that 8 march of 2003 when he showed it to me and I opened and was so moved, the first time a boy offered me a ring!
amazing for me ^_^

4)Alacrity, not a word I use a lot, not sure of the French for it, but it sounds like a fun word and it's a feeling I enjoy a lot :)like when I open the mailbox and see a mail from a dear one, a letter in my letterbox filled with heartfelt thoughts that moves me, fascinate me, the honesty of a soul, a real sharing...true kindness is full of alacrity ^_^
being on msn chatting with dear friends...a surprise in the letterbox,a random act of kindness, a sincere compliment out of the blue, a beautiful surprise of life...being around children ^_^

5)Alchemy, such a beautiful word...makes me think of that book by Paolo coelho, the alchemist...nice book, very thoughtful.
I dream and wish for alchemy. we all do sometimes secretly.
some can experience it once ,twice, lots of time, with the same or several persons, sometimes aphazard,at unexpected moment...reminds a moment of alchemy with a wonderful guy Damien that so deeply touched my heart, 11 years after I can't forget this moment. guess moments like that never fade away, they are in a part of your heart and you wish that maybe death is just that, relieving for ever, all of these wonderful moments with all these beloved ones, beautiful souls who we dearly loved on our journey...that's just me ^_^
alchemy is those so enthusiastic " me too", and the feeling of strong surprise that warms our heart, we feel a kind of soul crush, we are understood,read,heard,seen and we're not alone, we have someone who comes from the same galaxy there is connection,we're not in the dark or not known anymore...
alchemy is passion , soul sisterhood, flirt maybe in some ways,romance...I think you can have it in the couple too but with the routine and everything there is in a life not 24/7 but I just love it when seb and I don't need to speak and we both understand what the other think, or thinking the same thing at the same time, laughing for the same things etc ^_^ we are very different but we get connected a lot!

6)alcohol hum... I've got a small obsession with the idea of alcohol I have because I have seen the nasty effect the dependence the damages, so yes I kind of have a negative look at alcohol , I dont mind people who like it, but anytime I have a friend talking about it way too much I warn her I feel concerned and get worried and most of the time I end up getting bored or flee from her... I totally think the idea of having wine together is friendly is boring, it's an idea I just can't adhere to.
I'm sorry if I sound snobby to you or killjoy, I'm very glad to be killjoy then because I have lots of fun and feel very friendly with a bottle of champomy( fake champagne for children, though I'm quite aware of the hidden marketing idea behind this ah! sighs)in fact let's be honest I'm rather anti-acohol, at least in the food to make the sauce or a cocktail once in a while for occasion maybe but most of the time I prefer no alcohol company.
I've grown to be more tolerant though and can handle people drinking beers when seb invites friends, but I'm not going to buy acohol just because that's what people want ;oP
I'm a boring girl they surely say after ^_________^ ahah
I have drank, never been drunk really.
but I have been on drugs pretty much and I know the dependence, the risks, the weakness of our addiction when we can't control our existence, the beautiful illusion of escapism
I used to be weak, so weak.

7)acceptance, I love this respect, to give it, to receive it
I love helping other soul accept themselves and take the best of who they are, the gems there are inside the well of their soul.
I love how it sounds too, acceptance...I still fail somedays, I still fall into wrong habits, but all in all, I do accept myself,my life, the way the world is, still have a hard time accepting ends , all kind of ends...it's still not that easy , really...how can I... I'm slowly trying through art and poetry but really...I don't know how people do.

8)afar...most of the time I have loved from afar, metaphorically and for real
my lovers were penpals since the age of 19.
then my soul sister were all from foreign countries since 2003.
Is distance painful to live? is it so hard to really love and feel loved with the distance? the ocean? the wall, the barriers?
I dont know.
I know it creates passion too, I know it awakes doubts and assumptions...
It's not easy but I would not say it's better than nothing.
Loving afar is real too, it's beautiful,it's intense when you are trusting and connecting ,you are filled with thoughts, you think of them, they think of you, there is a real fairy warmth of energies ,positve waves are shared, it's good, it creates beauty, it's a different kind of Love.
whatever people say, it is real. you have only the proofs in your heart and with the intimacy being shared.

9)Apathy, such an enemy!
I have lived in numbness, I know how awful it is, I sometimes think it's worse than pain, depression, it s a part of depression of course but it's so empty not to feel not to love not to be touched, I think sometimes it's still happen here and there because I create walls, protect my soul from being scratched and slashed again...
I do trust I do love, but maybe I am being more careful now, not wanting to relive things again and meet sweet people who will just give the same to everyone and not share a unique bond with me.
I dont mind people liking connection, having friends,being surrounded but I'd rather have a few friends and someone who really can be a spiritual sister, something deeper,both side, magical....
I have made poetry about apathy I think,should find that to share maybe...

10)appeal, yes think what you want, I really enjoy being appealing, it's kind of rare now the day I do feel appealing, I feel my youth is getting away, ah! silly me!
but I look young still I know that, just that I'm not 20 anymore ^_^
I love also to look at appealing persons, it's inspiring to me and makes me smile and feel happy, I love gazing at beauty in everything so.
I think people easily call this being superficial and whatnot, but I call this being an aesthete, yeah for the sake of beauty!
I'm not elitist in this, I know and believe in the beauty of the soul and it of course radiates even more, but I love people who also take care of themselves
ahah I say so but I kind of neglect my look with the years, really, I used to be a real girl taking care of myself, but lately I seem not to find the time or enthusiasm for looking pretty, maybe I have other matters to worry :o)

I also think people who don't care and are natural can be beautiful!

11) akin...I love similarities, echoes,resonance and harmony.
I think the word akin sounds pretty...

12) art, what was on my mind I did not think of that first ahah ;-)
it s just too obvious, art is life, art is love, it fills my heart ,it makes me dream and create the inside world to put dreams in this reality, to share my ethereality, it's a way to live ,to embellish, to cheer up, to encourage, to communicate, to think,art is passion, deep flames, torrent of wild flowers, colorful,for aeon
that's why to be honest I hardly lack of imagination and creativity
I do have artist/ writer's block but I know it comes from my own walls and the limits I put to myself, I know it's a state, a way of thinking that is wrong, a sadness, a moment to mourn or something like that and then I'm back again rising :)

13)aloof , I love that word...I am sometimes very aloof, I am safe in my own bubbles, I analyse, I look and listen...I look cold and distance sometimes
I think then people can't really see me, or imagine the way the way I think the way I am...I love observation.
I think aloof is rather negative as an adjective but again it's most of the time an appearance when I care and love it is alive inside even if I look and sound aloof I am touched and I care...and I'm hurt and feel lonely sometimes & better show aloof side;)

14)attachment ,I can get attached quickly, sometimes I think it's at once or none at all, but I'm so wrong in this.
I was not attached to sebastien at first, it came with time, and was deeper and stronger
the same goes for my cat Takun, I could not bear it the first weekend ahah ^_^
I hope it'll be different with my children ;oP
I love it when people are attached to me but only if I feel attached to them or else I feel the unbalance is dangerous or make me feel uncomfortable...

I'm sure I forgot many words that begins with A and that I love, nevermind...tomorrow I'll try to do the B list ;)
feel free to do it too and let me know so I'll have a look at your list

Blessed be, sweet dreams***

oh I'm back, it was ok but I am so glad to be back...I am such a homebody, I can't stand being away, especially sleeping at others's home
I love being in my home, I'm friendly etc, but I love being at home, I love solitude, I love inviting friends too, if I had them I would, but maybe not everyday ^_^

oh I'm so sleepy and the week will get so busy, oh my!

4 commentaires:

Nancy Hunt-Bartek a dit…

Just checking on you. I love all your new things! Your work so inspires me. I hope things are going well for you.
fondly, Nancy

Dawn a dit…

I enjoyed reading your list dearest helenina! I have begun a letter for you, will surely include my list in it!
I thank you so much for listening to me, you did help and inspire me a lot with your kind words!

Jen a dit…

Je suis tres content que tu sois de retour...Ca revoir...
Tu ma'as manque

well, I tried to write some french words...tried to look up some...hope they make sense...and my keyboard does not have the marks that go above the "e" in tres and manque...: )

I enjoyed reading your A list...
I think that I understand what you are saying in 9................

when I think about this week starting tomorrow...I hope that it will not be too busy for me here...
it would be nice to have a week without any obligations;-)

Bonne nuit, mon amie!

Jana B a dit…

"...I know the dependence, the risks, the weakness of our addiction when we can't control our existence, the beautiful illusion of escapism
I used to be weak, so weak."

There is nothing wrong with knowing your limits, and keeping yourself (and your friends) safe. I drink a sip of wine once in a great while... but no more, because I've seen how easy it is to fall into alcoholism.

I believe that people "afar" can still be close... closeness is not a measure of the distance between bodies, it is a measure of the distance between your souls. (wow, that sounded profound... I should make a collage around that.)

Welcome back!!! Are you going to tell us about your trip?