December views #1

I'm but a weed that looks like a flower
Nothing more than this invasion in your wide white void
And each of your move have opened my black hole
tearing me all apart violently on the stitches of my petals
Careless utterly selfish darkest hurricane
You took it all and more with you
An immense forest of oblivion and forgiveness
learn to bleed learn to forgive
How many crosses around my neck
I weight your pain
I gave my blood to this
waves lengths of silence and tears uncried
but it always has to be about your own alleys of misery
lonesome ghost on roads of woe
always about you
"for your own good for your own good"
the purest poetic lie I've ever heard
learn to keep the guilt learn to shake my shame
My giving was so real
A pure loss
I granted all your freedom I let you go where the wind blows
I waited on seasonal sorrows
my pining grew
you hurt me so
miles of "pardon me" I followed addicted
I wish I had known how wrong I would be(...)









As she came dressed with transparent petal of grace as a pure honesty finery
I felt my call had been heard
I suddenly felt less alone as my wings weighted down on me
She wrote on the coffin around my neck " you are my twin"
My icing blankets covering up my c-aches
I didn't need no mirror
I knew she was my soror
We only need to believe
To keep on making us want to live(...)










Waking up on your ice
clinging to your floe rocking your flow my darling my foe
sending kisses to the layers of fog
undecipherable marks of snow message on your hands
Not a lie just a tie a cross
I was here
On that day I crashed down your frozen waters
constantly skating like dancers on a sinusoidal hell of sugar coated illusions
How sore this icy burning
break it break it break me break on me
Oh Samael kiss me behind our masks
Waterfalls of poisonous icicles
behind my eyelids your hell
closing in
your hell inside of me
I'm not lying like snowhite in her ice coffin my seraphic demon
In my winter dress I am your most delightful victim
juice of hailstones icefall my favourite wound
Sometimes my Antartica
when your arms can melt in the distance
Sometimes my Antartica
the warmest tears remain uncried my love









How many clocks haunt the path
I scatter words behind me
In the core of hearts the hands say it's time
In the swamp of the brakish thoughts of my mind
He stretch the gold of insane tomorrows: profusion of light
I drank the slowlness of the winter months
Drink the oblivion to the songs of bird masks
They are learning how to fly
her wing is torn
you have to sew the thoughts together
Along my loins braids of kisses
Oh softness of the gleams in the core of the fairies of nothing
Hidding the wounds and the black cherry juice
Cry tiny heart
They are learning how to fly
His island is devastated
The wind still talks about these twin souls
whom the spectres still glow there
In the wood of forget me(...)



it hurts my hands to follow the curves of her writing
but on the loneliest nest of night I could love just to see her invisible wings
swaying in a land of traps and nets
Judith sweetest bliss my Judith
I know the seasons of your innermost secret garden
I remember the noise of your heavy heart
when it broke on the ground
All the pearls turned into necklace of poems
Only for Judith's neck
You betrayed your soils where the flowers grow
Judith unlace my corset of dreams tonight
will you hate me as much I could have loved you
It was a long road full of thistles and ivy
My ankle got strained
My soul bled the most
My heart bled the most precious love
But Judith knows when she closes her eyes on my pillow
I sigh
I glow
will you return to me
from your palace of the underworld
Muse of the words that kill with pleasure
I know the archives of your dark betrayals

*****************************************

and some of my recent paintings
















Most of my paintings are available for sale if you're interested feel free to contact me.

Blessings & quietness

Sacral chakra questions & sharings

Hey you, expecting results without effort! So sensitive! So long-suffering! You, in the clutches of death, acting like an immortal! Hey sufferer, you are destroying yourself!

-Santideva, Bodhicaryavatara

My interpretation of this buddhism wisdom quote is that yes we suffer but why dwelling in the darkness?why just living a life of endless lamentation drowning the beauty and sacredness of our soul in our pool of bitter tears.
Seize the day baby!
It's time to dry your tears and go right back towards the Light of being alive above Life itself ^______^

Did I knock my head today?
well each day of this month I found excuses to cheer myself up,oh seb can I buy chocolate to cheer me up? this stone!!! I need moldavite it'll change my life!
why not buy these biscuits I could do with some sugar I feel so lonely and gloomy!
oh and this cd!! it'll cheer me up for sure I need happy sounds to awoke the sleeping fae child in me, she fought with the blue muse( the brat inside of me) and so she decided to hibernate and let me alone so alone!
wake up wake up for Goddess sake! I can not be left alone!

I need to play ^_^ yessssss
I love to play
all day in my room :)

I bought Kate Nash cd today,it's been ages I haven't bought a cd(I am poor I can't afford it:P) and had forgotten the sweetness of music and how it inspires you, how you see landscapes and can run away in these worlds, remember some of your childhood fairy realms and light rekindle the sparks inside of you and summer is not gone NEVER!!!
oh and I can smell gently the magical scents of Mister Springtime...

ah Springtime Springtime hug me you're my favourite most friendly character in the universe!!!^_______^;;
I am sighing aaaaaaaaah
I deny all snowflakes or I'll turn them pink :P
oh and that mean shade of cold eeeeeek under blankets of lavender who cares?

naaaah Winter's not my friend, don't even mention December
she and I are crossed since a few years now...
Maybe this year could be the year of Peace?
should I forget forgive?
I don't think it's the year...I got this feeling that anyways December has always a missing part, a huge one.
My daughter.
The one to be born.
the one who is already there in the future ^_^

ah sighs, am I really ready to be a good mother?
I constantly doubt on this...for my artist selfish alone time needs and such...

Well, it's my third week of vertigo, feel tired but keep fighting and not let myself get depressed:-)
I am stronger, I just hope it'll soon be a bad memory:P

Now I would like to do the chakra thinking inspired by Mich's blog, you can find it:
here virtual circle


hey sisters and brothers,you can still do the chakra test
so you can play with us and answer the questions:-)
do share with me, I am curious to know:-)


Ok so today it's about the sacral chakra and mine is over active surely because I live in Emotional worlds ;-)



Healing essence of the sacral chakra

Located in our lower belly, it is where we relate to our bodies through the procreative centers. Through a healthy second chakra one can heal relationship problems, transform deep and hurtful emotions, and balance life.

Keywords: Life Energy, Creative, Procreative, Giving, Receiving, Inner Truth

Affirmations to practice this week:

* I make my decisions from a place of hope and faith.
* My creative drive is strong and exciting.
* My sexuality is fulfilling and meaningful.
* I am life.

Those of you who have bought Anodea Judith's Chakra Balancing Kit can move on to their workbooks, and if you like, blog your responses and link back to this post.

For those of you who don't have the book but would like to know a bit more about the first chakra, visit Anodea Judith's site and answer the questions below:

1. Do you express your emotions clearly and honestly?
Yes I do ^_^
well It's not easy to say aloud " I love you" because it's precious and important and I am very cold with that sentence so it sounds never sincere when I utter it, I am very awkward with " I love you"
I write it easily to the one who touch my heart, but I believe in Here and now of emotions.
There are obviously persons I declare I love and it ll be absolute truth and unchangeable come what may.
but I also love to allow myself to send love to sweet souls because here and now I care for them etc.

I express my anger, frustration,discontentement very easily too and my loved ones feel it at once! ^_^
even with distance and just emails.
I am very expressive, I don't believe in hiding emotions.
Yet sometimes I need to hide my sadness.
If I am hurt I may react more with indifference and coldness or anger sometimes,but smart anger then ;o)
I reply through art and creations.
I am honest, I don't mind being seen naked soul, it doesn't make me weaker but stronger I believe.
Perhaps because a lot of people are scared to show who they are and to be seen.
I guess there is something kind of careless in my attitude, I just do express who I am because I feel like it, I need it, I am expression, I am emotion...

I don't mind being ridiculous, silly,weak and whatnot:P
knowing that whatever I do my beloved ones trust and support and love me is my strength.I owe them.


2. Are you in touch with what you truly feel?
Yes, I always know I love and I am loved and it's beautiful.
I am lucky for this.
I know it because I remember loneliness, years of solitude and when I had to love seb in the distance as he was a penpal at first...2 years and a half, leaving at the station, me crying louder everytime!
I know the blessings of hugging and kissing everyday ;)

ok I won't lie, some people in the past told me the couple was torture!
that living together is a real challenge!
It is.
We have lived tough times.
It taught us a lot.
seb should remember to surprise me a little more so I'll stay forever ;)( kidding)

I am very connected to my feelings, and most of the time when I feel it,now I understand even better.
I was not that aware of all chakra to be honest, it's interesting to learn!
when I feel insulted, hurt,angry or in love,touched, I feel it there, like a wave of different sensations...


3. Do you set appropriate boundaries for yourself and in relation to others?

I don't know, it depends to who others are.
with some friends I am very in closeness and I don't have secrets for them, for my parents I never had secrets either...
I tell everything to seb,I bore him with all my thoughts ahah ;-)
I m joking of course I dont ^___^;;

well the limits are drawn at the entrance of my soul garden for sure.
I may look and sound as if I give it all about me, because I am honest real and sharing who I am but I still have my secret garden, my secrets dreams,flowers, magick,fantasies and such...no worries.

There are limits, I do protect myself, I believe my brain is my shield.
I know what is real and what is not. I am safe.

4. What pleasurable activites do you bring into your life?
art, writing,poetry,singing,painting,taking pictures, a lot of creative passions.
I take a lot of pleasure in the activites.
I think that poetry singing and painting are very sensual, sexual things in my life.
There is something very touching in words and every word lovers will agree with me.
The beauty,depths and intelligence of words/poetry/writing is orgasmic.
The same for painting, it's soothing pleasure, healing...


5. Do you move towards change and new experiences, or are you resistant?
I do move towards change and new experiences a lot but there big changes that still sometimes afraid me a bit.
I have an adventurous spirits, I am very shy and introvert but I love trying new things, experimenting.
but I am resistant too in the fact I love stability and things that will so called never changed but evolve in time.
Both are fine with me.
I can't wait for the big change of moving, but until now all apartment we're trying to visit are already rented alas.
I just hope I will be able to choose my life and location this time!
I haven t chosen my life here in Cambrai, my heart lead me here and of course I don't regret at all because I learnt, grew and evolved thanks to this path.
I guess we are where we are meant to be.


6. What are your passions?

intellectual,literarian, sensual and creative matters are my passions.Mystic, esoteric and beautiful things fascinate me so much.
I am in love with art making and writing, my big passions.



7. Do you value your own feelings and respond to them?
Well it depends, sometimes my feelings are way too immense like the ocean.I do express too much. My love for others makes me sometimes vulnerable, I feel what they feel,they affect me and my world.
But I love the feeling of love it is very nurturing and a big inspiration to me.
I listen to my heart,if my hearts say Love I will.
I don't live in denial. I may have been hurt and betrayed and abandonned a lot in the past, this year has opened me and taught me to trust more and allow myself to be wrong and to be naive if it has to be naive;)
I dont think it's naive to allow oneself to love, life is too short and if we meet like minded souls on our path it's good to welcome and recognize them:)
it's a warm feeling of déjà vu:)












Passion that makes you giggle
Passion that makes you blush
Petals after petals never seen red like this
Sweet Loving Madness and will o' the wisp of fantasies
Her hearth heart was always on fire
Flowers of flames was sighing innamoramento chants
She was alive running barefoot in the alleys of cinders
Everything rekindling after her footsteps
Some souls would dangerously verge the fall into her mist of dreams
But the ones who dared
They were carved in her heart deeply always and forever
She would take them by the hands to the infinite horizon
Where the heart shaped apples were sparkling and mesmerizing
She would innocently hand them the fruit of Desire
so they could taste heaven and never ever leave her heart Garden...

(....)
morning improvisation ^____^;; mwahahahahah( there should be some kind of evil witch laughter at the end of this one :P)

Everything is as it is. It has no name other than the name we give it. It is we who call it something; we give it a value. We say this thing is good or it's bad, but in itself, the thing is only as it is. It's not absolute; it's just as it is. People are just as they are.

-Ajahn Sumedho, "The Mind and the Way"

***Awakened Aphrodite & womb of potential***

so here above is my Illustration Friday:The blues

I have many other ideas, I had a funny idea well just me laugh( cheap humour)
The blues sisters ^_^
with crazy nuns making great blues( an Echo to my love sébastien's funny graphic illustration)Seb's blog
Go check and laugh and put a nice comment to him ^_^if you enjoy his work ^_^

so mine is a little girl an epitomy of Empathy.
She is carrying the pain of the world on her frail wings.
her big heart bleeds.
so it's Blue for Red.
Peace for all this violence.

I had in mind the Free Burma campaign and petition of course.



But I am someone who don't feel it's so right to suddenly wake up and fight for a cause, unite, do your little two cents to show you care.
I feel it's kind of cheap
yeah I may sound cynical but let me explain.
In fact I just remember there is not just Burma that is suffering now!
It's just Because fucking news on Tv talk about it all the time.

I mean we don't talk each day about all women who are rapped killed or absuded by the ir husband or strangers in the streets.
We don't talk about all the children in the world who are suffering each day, with sexual tourism because they have to work to get money to get food etc etc

so my work is to spread peace and empathy on each kind of red violence and pain.
I'm sometimes a bit hopeless or too realistic I don't know how to put it but oh well
I do not believe in Universal Peace.
I think we have to bear in mind there will always be violence and cruelty for free or not but that shouldn't prevent us from doing a little gesture, giving a little, uniting, spreading the positive thinking and making a little change happen, even how tiny it may be.

I also think that's why we have to bear in mind that we have to begin Peace Inside us and in Our Home to be totally real and sincere in our giving.

I say so because I remember my self hatred in the Past and the fact I loved lost souls and tried to save them, I couldn't collect all the pieces of my broken self but I pretended I could help others?
Maybe I did nice things of course but I am sorry for the way I had been so cruel to myself and for having abandonned myself oh so many times mostly because of rejections and the way people looked at me, the way boys left me all the time :(((((
(kidding I am quite healed from that mwhahahahaahh ;oP)

Tant pis pour eux,tant mieux pour moi ^____^(kidding)

Now I want to catch upon all questions by Mich
Here virtual circle

Because I love this blog of spiritual souls and soul searching/analyzing:)

How are you honouring yourself?

We are the mirror, as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste of eternity this minute.
We are pain and what cures pain.
We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours. Soul of the world, no life, nor world remain,
no beautiful women and men longing.
Only this ancient love circling the holy black stone of nothing.
Where the lover is the loved, the horizon and everything within it.
Rumi

"The path into Awakened Aphrodite’s embrace entails constant discernment, for She embodies the truth of real love.

No longer does She confuse mere seduction, which is fear-based, with love, which knows no fear.

Loving and kind to all women and men, She refuses to perpetuate the competitive and jealous ways of others.

She is at home in Her physical body and grateful for the gift of life. She shares this joy with all around Her. She attracts many things to herself, yet knows the path of discrimination.

Take time for yourself. Sleep when you need to, vacation and play when it is appropriate. Do not overwork or bury yourself in competitive work habits.

Awakened Aphrodite accepts life.

Live life fully. Above all else, do not be afraid to love completely and honestly. Honour thyself and love will return one thousand times over."(words by Mich)

This is oh so true.
I have arrived to a path of being a lot more aware of what LOVE is, true love, not just the couple, the love in everything everyone that can have different forms.

I am honouring myself with so many things.
I think this year I have been closer to my inner self than ever
I have found that balance and comfort in taking care of myself loving myself without being selfish or just self centered.
I am at peace with that really!

I am honouring myself playing with my inner Fae Child and letting her pop anytime she feels like it.
I know there is a time for work and a time to play:)
I balance this very well and of course I am very lucky to be a full time artist( in spite of the lack of money it implies ahah)because I can play working ahhaha ;);)


I'm honouring myself with being the real me always not denying not hiding and enjoying to give pieces of me here and there.
I have time for me and time for my beloved ones time for art/work, time for passion,time for fun time for humanity time for others .

I am respecting myself truly and am accepting any kind of rejections.
I don't mind being hated for me.
It hurts a second because you're emotional but then it doesn't kill.

I m quite glad of the freedom I give to myself, this allowing of freedom of being me of saying stupid things of being silly of maybe looking ridiculous weird or plain, all this makes me feel so alive and fearless.
For I know no matter what I'll be loved as I love and pour my soul.



How shall I begin my song
in the blue night that is setting?
In the great night
my heart will go out;
toward me the darkness comes, rattling;
in the great night my heart will go out.
Papago Medicine Woman Chant


How are you stepping out of the norm and opening yourself to new opportunities?


that second question by Mich is very interesting and synchro again.
I'm greatly evolving according to those questions.
Because since this summer I have opened many New doors to potentials to possibilites and of course to freedom of being the complete me.

It's very empowering in a way, I do feel stronger and have grown a better self confidence.
Oh I'm still very shy and do doubt my work now and then of course but I have a softer look on everything I do/I am.

so I'm definetly stepping out of the norm with my thinking, freedom of speech, frankness and honesty.
My pictures too are out of the norm,outsider works, especially the retouched one/artworks:













That last picture is a bit off limits ^_^
it's called cosmic fuck

yeah maybe for English speaking people it must sound rude or violent I don't know,but to me it really belongs to a poetical imagery of sensuality.
Here is the poem that goes along:-)


Des étoiles pleins les yeux qui léchent nos coeurs amoureux
Des comètes pleines d'un Feu indéchiffrable et mystérieux
Tes lèvres déposent un baiser aux portes des fleurs d'une autre galaxie
Le même écho encore et encore
Un espace immense où notre Ivresse s'étale
Aucun Trou noir ne nous aspirent
Nous les remplissons de jus de supernova
Les astres tournoient
Tout scintille pour toi et moi
L'infini existe dans ce mélange cosmique
Bien au dessus de la voûte céleste nous flottons
Tu respires au plus profond de mon âme
Larmes de nébuleuse dans nos regards déchirés
D'Amour et d'euphorie
Notre constellation se profilent en "Je t'aime"'s insondables
Ta voix lactée pétillent d'un Amour Divin
Mystique attachement des lianes de nos bras
O mon si doux cosmique émoi
******************************************

Eyes filled with Stars that lick our hearts in Love
Comets full of an undecipherable and mysterious Fire
Your lips offer a kiss to the Doors of flowers from another galaxy
The same Echo again & Again
An Immense Space where we spread Dimentia(intoxication?)
No black hole will swallow us
we fill them with supernova Juice
The asters twirl
Everything twinkles for you and I
Infinite does exist in this cosmic mix
We're floating far above the celestial canopy
You breathe in the innermost depths of my Soul
Nebula tears in our eyes
Torn with Love & Euphoria
Our constellation is outlined by unphathomable ' I love you(s)"
Your milky way sparkles with a Divine Adoration
Mystic attachment of the lianas of our arms
O my so sweet Cosmic agitation

written and translated by me,crappy translation but no time :P



Now here are my latest art squared( 14x14cm)






all in small click on them to see bigger


and here is my last painting, titled: To my Blessed Ones

to thank them deeply for existing because we are truly made of our loved ones and the world the univers would never be with the same without them that you can not imagine how life was or could be without them.
my Blessed Ones are of course My family ( except alexis), my parents that I adore( my father loves to see this when I write it soo ^_^Dad this is for you: I love you ^-^and you'd better shake yourself to do a painting or collage soon with long time bought canvas that's gonna collect some dust :p) mwahahhaha
my brother François, my sister Mélanie, my darling sébastien, my lovely furry creature Takun( yes he belongs to the Family) etc and of course the Family of the heart, the family of the mind and the family of the soul.
You know who you are and I heart you dearly, blessed be!

Yay it's done! wow that was a long entry, won't do that everyday oh my! but then you can have a small hints of all the things I do and how crazy busy my life is :) but also and above it all you can see how fine I do feel.

Hey Melody Dawn Mull I am thinking of you, hope you got my postcard by now,miss you dear!hope you're ok.