***Awakened Aphrodite & womb of potential***

so here above is my Illustration Friday:The blues

I have many other ideas, I had a funny idea well just me laugh( cheap humour)
The blues sisters ^_^
with crazy nuns making great blues( an Echo to my love sébastien's funny graphic illustration)Seb's blog
Go check and laugh and put a nice comment to him ^_^if you enjoy his work ^_^

so mine is a little girl an epitomy of Empathy.
She is carrying the pain of the world on her frail wings.
her big heart bleeds.
so it's Blue for Red.
Peace for all this violence.

I had in mind the Free Burma campaign and petition of course.



But I am someone who don't feel it's so right to suddenly wake up and fight for a cause, unite, do your little two cents to show you care.
I feel it's kind of cheap
yeah I may sound cynical but let me explain.
In fact I just remember there is not just Burma that is suffering now!
It's just Because fucking news on Tv talk about it all the time.

I mean we don't talk each day about all women who are rapped killed or absuded by the ir husband or strangers in the streets.
We don't talk about all the children in the world who are suffering each day, with sexual tourism because they have to work to get money to get food etc etc

so my work is to spread peace and empathy on each kind of red violence and pain.
I'm sometimes a bit hopeless or too realistic I don't know how to put it but oh well
I do not believe in Universal Peace.
I think we have to bear in mind there will always be violence and cruelty for free or not but that shouldn't prevent us from doing a little gesture, giving a little, uniting, spreading the positive thinking and making a little change happen, even how tiny it may be.

I also think that's why we have to bear in mind that we have to begin Peace Inside us and in Our Home to be totally real and sincere in our giving.

I say so because I remember my self hatred in the Past and the fact I loved lost souls and tried to save them, I couldn't collect all the pieces of my broken self but I pretended I could help others?
Maybe I did nice things of course but I am sorry for the way I had been so cruel to myself and for having abandonned myself oh so many times mostly because of rejections and the way people looked at me, the way boys left me all the time :(((((
(kidding I am quite healed from that mwhahahahaahh ;oP)

Tant pis pour eux,tant mieux pour moi ^____^(kidding)

Now I want to catch upon all questions by Mich
Here virtual circle

Because I love this blog of spiritual souls and soul searching/analyzing:)

How are you honouring yourself?

We are the mirror, as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste of eternity this minute.
We are pain and what cures pain.
We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours. Soul of the world, no life, nor world remain,
no beautiful women and men longing.
Only this ancient love circling the holy black stone of nothing.
Where the lover is the loved, the horizon and everything within it.
Rumi

"The path into Awakened Aphrodite’s embrace entails constant discernment, for She embodies the truth of real love.

No longer does She confuse mere seduction, which is fear-based, with love, which knows no fear.

Loving and kind to all women and men, She refuses to perpetuate the competitive and jealous ways of others.

She is at home in Her physical body and grateful for the gift of life. She shares this joy with all around Her. She attracts many things to herself, yet knows the path of discrimination.

Take time for yourself. Sleep when you need to, vacation and play when it is appropriate. Do not overwork or bury yourself in competitive work habits.

Awakened Aphrodite accepts life.

Live life fully. Above all else, do not be afraid to love completely and honestly. Honour thyself and love will return one thousand times over."(words by Mich)

This is oh so true.
I have arrived to a path of being a lot more aware of what LOVE is, true love, not just the couple, the love in everything everyone that can have different forms.

I am honouring myself with so many things.
I think this year I have been closer to my inner self than ever
I have found that balance and comfort in taking care of myself loving myself without being selfish or just self centered.
I am at peace with that really!

I am honouring myself playing with my inner Fae Child and letting her pop anytime she feels like it.
I know there is a time for work and a time to play:)
I balance this very well and of course I am very lucky to be a full time artist( in spite of the lack of money it implies ahah)because I can play working ahhaha ;);)


I'm honouring myself with being the real me always not denying not hiding and enjoying to give pieces of me here and there.
I have time for me and time for my beloved ones time for art/work, time for passion,time for fun time for humanity time for others .

I am respecting myself truly and am accepting any kind of rejections.
I don't mind being hated for me.
It hurts a second because you're emotional but then it doesn't kill.

I m quite glad of the freedom I give to myself, this allowing of freedom of being me of saying stupid things of being silly of maybe looking ridiculous weird or plain, all this makes me feel so alive and fearless.
For I know no matter what I'll be loved as I love and pour my soul.



How shall I begin my song
in the blue night that is setting?
In the great night
my heart will go out;
toward me the darkness comes, rattling;
in the great night my heart will go out.
Papago Medicine Woman Chant


How are you stepping out of the norm and opening yourself to new opportunities?


that second question by Mich is very interesting and synchro again.
I'm greatly evolving according to those questions.
Because since this summer I have opened many New doors to potentials to possibilites and of course to freedom of being the complete me.

It's very empowering in a way, I do feel stronger and have grown a better self confidence.
Oh I'm still very shy and do doubt my work now and then of course but I have a softer look on everything I do/I am.

so I'm definetly stepping out of the norm with my thinking, freedom of speech, frankness and honesty.
My pictures too are out of the norm,outsider works, especially the retouched one/artworks:













That last picture is a bit off limits ^_^
it's called cosmic fuck

yeah maybe for English speaking people it must sound rude or violent I don't know,but to me it really belongs to a poetical imagery of sensuality.
Here is the poem that goes along:-)


Des étoiles pleins les yeux qui léchent nos coeurs amoureux
Des comètes pleines d'un Feu indéchiffrable et mystérieux
Tes lèvres déposent un baiser aux portes des fleurs d'une autre galaxie
Le même écho encore et encore
Un espace immense où notre Ivresse s'étale
Aucun Trou noir ne nous aspirent
Nous les remplissons de jus de supernova
Les astres tournoient
Tout scintille pour toi et moi
L'infini existe dans ce mélange cosmique
Bien au dessus de la voûte céleste nous flottons
Tu respires au plus profond de mon âme
Larmes de nébuleuse dans nos regards déchirés
D'Amour et d'euphorie
Notre constellation se profilent en "Je t'aime"'s insondables
Ta voix lactée pétillent d'un Amour Divin
Mystique attachement des lianes de nos bras
O mon si doux cosmique émoi
******************************************

Eyes filled with Stars that lick our hearts in Love
Comets full of an undecipherable and mysterious Fire
Your lips offer a kiss to the Doors of flowers from another galaxy
The same Echo again & Again
An Immense Space where we spread Dimentia(intoxication?)
No black hole will swallow us
we fill them with supernova Juice
The asters twirl
Everything twinkles for you and I
Infinite does exist in this cosmic mix
We're floating far above the celestial canopy
You breathe in the innermost depths of my Soul
Nebula tears in our eyes
Torn with Love & Euphoria
Our constellation is outlined by unphathomable ' I love you(s)"
Your milky way sparkles with a Divine Adoration
Mystic attachment of the lianas of our arms
O my so sweet Cosmic agitation

written and translated by me,crappy translation but no time :P



Now here are my latest art squared( 14x14cm)






all in small click on them to see bigger


and here is my last painting, titled: To my Blessed Ones

to thank them deeply for existing because we are truly made of our loved ones and the world the univers would never be with the same without them that you can not imagine how life was or could be without them.
my Blessed Ones are of course My family ( except alexis), my parents that I adore( my father loves to see this when I write it soo ^_^Dad this is for you: I love you ^-^and you'd better shake yourself to do a painting or collage soon with long time bought canvas that's gonna collect some dust :p) mwahahhaha
my brother François, my sister Mélanie, my darling sébastien, my lovely furry creature Takun( yes he belongs to the Family) etc and of course the Family of the heart, the family of the mind and the family of the soul.
You know who you are and I heart you dearly, blessed be!

Yay it's done! wow that was a long entry, won't do that everyday oh my! but then you can have a small hints of all the things I do and how crazy busy my life is :) but also and above it all you can see how fine I do feel.

Hey Melody Dawn Mull I am thinking of you, hope you got my postcard by now,miss you dear!hope you're ok.

Just having thoughts of Hecate...

This is my first page in my new art jrnl but as I've ruined the two other pages I am not even sure if I will go on.
I'm way too moody. I also think I'm too busy to do everything, to really find time for myself.

I need some Light.





so I've been working in my art journal and seeing the face looking more like crappy manga girls, I was like huh??? o____O wtf

felt frustrations as usual. I know I shouldn't do what I think I should do, but do what is true to my heart,what gives me pleasure

I've felt this discomfort of being me sometimes
that's why I created this piece of my vision of Hecate,being the queen of Hell and darkness( and more)hating her inside Darkness.
Like pieces of me hating this Dark roots that entangle my soul.sometimes I feel I can't walk through this.

there would be more to say about this piece but she speaks gently (which is paradoxical) about this sadness of hating her own,she is unravelling the truth...and there is another me singing" who is this terrorist?"(wink to the redhead doll)

I was thinking "when are you gonna love yourself my Hecate? I know it's hard to swim in the sea of extremes, I know we don't always feel safe in this skin, I know how hard it is some days to be our own & accept this as a whole...
is there more Passion in hatred? does your hatred turns into another fire,can this rescue you?

I am satisfied about the emotions in her face but not much in the color of her skin, I wish I could make paler women.
I love wan faces.dollish.porcelain hearts.not that breakable in spite of their cracks(breaches).that could be a sweet feminist ellipse;)

so yes my Hecate hides her tears, she has to show her strenght,she is the great sorceress...
She has tried to hep Demeter find Persephone and her Empathy was big,now she just can't bear to be sided.
she wonders if this is Life.
To be profoundly happy and profoundly sad in two distinct parts of our life?

Because it is True, Life can be marvelous when you bend on a side, but it's also awful?
are we blind?
Do we learn to be blind and get used to this so we can enjoy our journey?

People who don't want to talk and over think it, just say "c'est la vie"
let's shorten things we can't understand by this awful phrase.

How boring.

Well now I'm off to yoga to flee all these mental fluctuations ^_^

Life goes on as my veins bleed poems...

I feel so so lately...

Yet I have been so touched by the birthday cards and lovely packages I have received along the week!
It's so wonderful to get surprises!
not that I'm a greedy person but I am a little fae child and yes I adore presents:) opening,trying to guess! it's exciting!

so I guess I don't have the right to say I feel lonely ;)or unloved.
Yet I feel a bit this way.

I feel my sebastien's love, he is so adorable. I love him more and more these days and it's very pleasant and wonderful to feel this way as it hasn't always been that easy(we've been together for 6 years),especially when we more and more think about having a baby.

This yearning is very tearing because though I sell my art I know for now I couldn't support my family this way and it bothers me.
I really want the best for my child, for my family,for us.



this collage is on 30x40 cm canvas and yes I like canvas, but more and more I prefer paper,it's another texture,it's different, I love touching paper and working on it.
I think tomorrow I am going to buy 29x42 cm watercolor paper... I can wait to get used to work on this size of paper!

but yes I know it's expensive and will take a lot more place in the apartment...sighs!

anyways I am not sure what to think about this work. the blue looks more violet deep blue in real and though I painted over a self portrait, I tried to make it look not really like me...
I feel when I look at it that there is a religious or mystic dimension to it though I did not think about that at all.

First of all I wanted to talk about feeling lost on this blue ball,lost in space and time, needing to feel home,to find the place to hide, the place I feel real,so alive and can wish upon a star.

Stars are a recurent element in my work, I love that shape, I love the metaphore(s) of stars,what they can mean and represent & here I have made a different style of stars.

I don't feel I have succeed in expressing my thoughts in this work.
I feel mute in my art lately.
Maybe a week without making anything got me a bit confused on how to go back into my world,my very own dimension?

I know I still have so much to say, but it just does not come out.
and this generates anger,negative feelings and coldness...I am tired.
I guess I should talk about this coldness I hate.

It's this typical feeling that makes me want to lock all the doors to my soul.

I am not defined as someone cold, I am often seen as sweet,lovely,spontaneous etc but I really can sense that coldness.

There is few people who got me mellow :sebastien and Takun:)
oh and of course anytime I see another kittie or a baby in the street:)

yesterday I was listening to a little boy talking to his mother about his sport class and it was so cute, I wished it happened to me one day.
Only the idea of living this,having a conversation with my boy or little girl, is some kind of a dream...

I was wishing " oh God make them be good person!"

I would certainly die if I 'create' a person like alexis...

I really want my children to be good respectul and kind hearted persons... I know it's a parents role,but it doesn't make it all.

My parents are wonderful people and they brought a. to this world.



I have made several small collages,I created along this week with a bad feeling of emptiness, missing pieces you know.

Yet I know myself and I love myself but I felt there was something wrong again.

I keep repeating myself I have to work, I want to be able to draw faces I can like,that have expressions,that show feelings then I have to try and try again...not just want to give up like a child all the time.

I am so boring sometimes! it's amazing!

I finally decided to go back for more collage work because I really needed some comfort,a consolation to feel I exist I am not nothing at all.

I like this collage but I still feel this feeling of imperfection,uncompleteness,disatisfaction...It's still not enough to appease me.

so this weekend I will have to work a lot more!
I have to challenge myself, I don't know, I have to open some forgotten doors, destroy some lying windows, I dont know, maybe tear some pieces of my skies, burn parts of my garden, I need action,creation...

I'm still often torn between two voices, the one who yell at me and tell me to give up and the other one who fight with light and still want to create because it's her only way to feel heard.

under each dark window there is a word: weakness and sadness.
on the butterfly is written "protect the heart"

all around I have written improvisation of thoughts in French:

I have drenched my wings to every despair I have bleed the esteem wanting so much to believe it's in the core of my veins that poetry entwine to molasses and dreams, a touch of light,what do they see through the windows of my soul when the doors call for me...I am afraid I am afraid the din of the hands reminds me I have to live, draw the curtains unveil my tears( meaning tearings not crying)so that I'll be feed with flowers here and now before my tomb my garden is so wide it still grows( in French there is a pun with croit that could mean believe and grow at the same time)and you even haven't yet seen my sky...

I guess it's me talking to me:)

so well life goes on...to be continued...

blessings & namasté

The torments of paradoxes

title: Unison





title: Dysphoria

my recent collages