The solar plexus chakra

So today I want to do the chakra exercice inspired by Mich

Affirmations:

* I honor myself.

* I offer my light and service to the world.

Interpreting excess or deficiency in the third chakra:

Excessive Characteristics

* Dominating
* Controlling
* Competitive
* Arrogant
* Ambitious
* Hyperactive
* Stubborn
* Driven (compulsively focussed toward goals)
* Atracted to sedatives

Deficient Characteristics

* Passivity
* Lack of energy
* Poor digestion
* Tendency to be cold
* Tendency toward submission
* Blaming
* Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
* Weak will, poor self-discipline
* Use of stimulants

Balanced characteristics

* Responsible, reliable
* Good self-discipline
* Positive sense of self
* Confident
* Warm
* Energetic
* Spontaneous, playful, humorous
* Able to take risks

Answer the following questions:

1. How do you rate your energy levels?

Well it depends on the season.I think I feel I am energetic when I can produce art a lot(painting).
I know right now that my energy level is dying really.
I have bad sleep verging insomnia, though I can have some nice dreams at times, they soothe me for sure.
But also had lots of nightmares.
so dark.
At the moment making art is painful and like impossible.
I try , I do my best to stay positive, to open up, to remember, to cling to something to my friends support...but I hardly want to do anything, or sometimes I have sudden urge to paint but what I do drives me insane...
I am filled with big disatisfaction and angry at myself not to be able to be comforted by the muses in painting etc...
I miss feeling energetic...I guess it's linked to feeling healthy and alive and I am not.I am not dead either thank Goddess! I still feel but it's like an emotional rollercoaster...


2. Do you take appropriate action when your energy feels diminished?
ahah most of the time if I know there is a reason. Here it's seasonal disorder. so I just try to still work.but I also want to respect my body and mind that need soothing and rest.



3. Do you feel the need to conform?
Never! I think I may feel sometimes that people would like me to be more this and less that but really I don't want to ever waste my time on this anymore.
conformity is a word that makes me laugh.
But I don't criticise people who feel like they need to conform to belong and feel accepted etc.
I think I would just really suicide myself if I had to conform and not be my own identity, showing expressing my own individuality.
I do think I may belong to some labels/cliché/stereotypes sometimes but I don't give a shit, I know who I am & what I am not.


4. Do you seek approval from other people?
in my friends, the persons who are important to me yes, I love their approvals.
I am honest I love receiving love it's even better in sad times or when I feel like shit.
but approvals, well...In general I do what I have to do, what is getting through me to be shared to the world...I am getting more and more detached from approvals.
at first for instance with my photoshop works I was like " oh well, I'll write I am experimenting so people won't say that's so crappy what are your doing???"
I felt I needed encouragement, but I was really constantly downplaying my work,Goddess!
how can live like this and play the same scene all the time???
just make art, be bold and screw the rest for Goddess sake!
we don't care.We just play and express. and the soulful emotions are the key, then as for beauty or ugliness who fucking cares?
really?
I mean I see beauty in ugliness and I see ugliness in beauty.



5. Do you take responsibility for your own actions, or do you let other people control you?
well of course I am responsible for my own actions!
I do complain a lot and accuse seb if I lose something mwahhahaha that's the old couple evil bitching thing ahah;oP
I never let people control me except if I want it & then I'll ask for it.
Most of the time I like to be in control.
I am not a control addict but I fear the risks of allowing others to have control on me. I sometimes think loving and daring to let enter someone in my soul garden is dangerous.
well maybe at that time especially because I feel fragile...maybe lately I could easily get hurt...



6. Does shame influence your behaviour?
shame?well I hate to feel ashamed!
I try not to put myself in situation that makes me feel that way;-P

But I think that I'm very careless too, I do what I feel like doing then when it s done I can say or imagine some people will think it s crazy,ridiculous, or that I'm embarrassing myself or maybe them too... I dont know...
I think ridicule doesn t kill you;)it's good not to take oneself too seriously.
If some people think I am this or that it's up to them and it's only their visions of me not the person I am.

7. Do you assert yourself without dominating others?
yes I assert my soul, I dont need to dominate others.
I thought like this when I was younger, especially with men/in love, I thought I had to have power on them and control them to be powerful and to keep them.

Now I really hate control and dominating others, I think it's a lack of intelligence and a great show of weakness. if we need to dominate it hides something.
Moreover I think there is no real hierarchy, like people are better or superior and such, it's all bullshits!

When I am idealized I love it but hey I look like you when I wake up in the morning and I do all the human things too.


8. Can you stay focussed on activities and see them through to completion?

it depends sometimes yes and I don't want to be bothered I have to complete it or I'll get cranky:P
and other times I just cant concentrate...



9. Do you take risks in your life?
Yes a lot, my last risk was to create my own art business to be a full time artist:)
my next one will be to move and begin a brand new life...

I think we all have so much more to gain in taking risks than to lose.
Of course we can fail and get rejections etc, it happens, has and will...
but what must bear in mind are those moments when you took a risk and it was so worthy of it!that you learnt and grew from it.



this is my interpretation and picturing of Inanna.
about Inanna


Anna Bellah (for the Theater of the Frayed darlings collection)(not really finished I think)
this painting is for a little book I have in mind

Rain falls on everyone... the same old rain...

and I wish I could handle this, but I just can just hate her with such power.
I am losing so much energy in this.
I feel so bad.
I still do care so much about you my dear friends, especially the ones who are living in dark places like me or surely for some of them worse than me, well who cares, we're not here to fucking compare who's suffering the most...

I am thinking of you and hugging you.Come meet me in Dreams.
I am so alone.
Thanks to all the beautiful souls who do really so much to cheer me up and bear my soul, and wow thanks you so much for accepting me as I am...It's just emotions, nothing else...It's a wave of shadows and I feel it s useless to fight...
thank you wendy today for your story.
Joséphine je pense à toi, j ai pas fini mon mail je sais...
Jen I miss you...
Chantal I need your home adress...

goodnight.

Between gloom and glow

Your fairy is called Yarrow Willowshimmer

She is a caster of weird dreams.

She lives close to vixen and badger sets.

She is only seen when the first flowers begin to blossom.

She dresses in black and white like a badger. She has delicate green coloured wings like a cicada.

Get your free fairy name here!

"Love is not consolation. It is light."
- Nietzsche -

I am lucky then I have the light. Thank you God/Goddess.

We don't celebrate thanksgiving in France but I really don't need it to feel grateful.
Even if I complain a lot lately due to my health worries, still have vertigos and yesterday I suffer a mean migraine and had to sleep most of the day:///
boring waste.
I was in such pain and I hardly slept at night because of this.
It was strange as if my brain was on mode active all night long, mixing thoughts,making a swirl of thoughts in my mind...sighs
so today ^_____^ I am a pretty zombie :-)

But grateful to be alive, grateful to have laughters with sebastien,grateful for my fabulous friends who mean a lot to me, grateful for the Muses, for the Fairies, for Art energies...

Yet I am still low energy...I miss feeling super energetic and hyper/bouncy etc
the physical pain is tiring...aaaah sighs,I can't help but complain.

well I don't feel like talking or venting much.
I am not at my best and that's all.
so art will be my voice:

Sacral chakra questions & sharings

Hey you, expecting results without effort! So sensitive! So long-suffering! You, in the clutches of death, acting like an immortal! Hey sufferer, you are destroying yourself!

-Santideva, Bodhicaryavatara

My interpretation of this buddhism wisdom quote is that yes we suffer but why dwelling in the darkness?why just living a life of endless lamentation drowning the beauty and sacredness of our soul in our pool of bitter tears.
Seize the day baby!
It's time to dry your tears and go right back towards the Light of being alive above Life itself ^______^

Did I knock my head today?
well each day of this month I found excuses to cheer myself up,oh seb can I buy chocolate to cheer me up? this stone!!! I need moldavite it'll change my life!
why not buy these biscuits I could do with some sugar I feel so lonely and gloomy!
oh and this cd!! it'll cheer me up for sure I need happy sounds to awoke the sleeping fae child in me, she fought with the blue muse( the brat inside of me) and so she decided to hibernate and let me alone so alone!
wake up wake up for Goddess sake! I can not be left alone!

I need to play ^_^ yessssss
I love to play
all day in my room :)

I bought Kate Nash cd today,it's been ages I haven't bought a cd(I am poor I can't afford it:P) and had forgotten the sweetness of music and how it inspires you, how you see landscapes and can run away in these worlds, remember some of your childhood fairy realms and light rekindle the sparks inside of you and summer is not gone NEVER!!!
oh and I can smell gently the magical scents of Mister Springtime...

ah Springtime Springtime hug me you're my favourite most friendly character in the universe!!!^_______^;;
I am sighing aaaaaaaaah
I deny all snowflakes or I'll turn them pink :P
oh and that mean shade of cold eeeeeek under blankets of lavender who cares?

naaaah Winter's not my friend, don't even mention December
she and I are crossed since a few years now...
Maybe this year could be the year of Peace?
should I forget forgive?
I don't think it's the year...I got this feeling that anyways December has always a missing part, a huge one.
My daughter.
The one to be born.
the one who is already there in the future ^_^

ah sighs, am I really ready to be a good mother?
I constantly doubt on this...for my artist selfish alone time needs and such...

Well, it's my third week of vertigo, feel tired but keep fighting and not let myself get depressed:-)
I am stronger, I just hope it'll soon be a bad memory:P

Now I would like to do the chakra thinking inspired by Mich's blog, you can find it:
here virtual circle


hey sisters and brothers,you can still do the chakra test
so you can play with us and answer the questions:-)
do share with me, I am curious to know:-)


Ok so today it's about the sacral chakra and mine is over active surely because I live in Emotional worlds ;-)



Healing essence of the sacral chakra

Located in our lower belly, it is where we relate to our bodies through the procreative centers. Through a healthy second chakra one can heal relationship problems, transform deep and hurtful emotions, and balance life.

Keywords: Life Energy, Creative, Procreative, Giving, Receiving, Inner Truth

Affirmations to practice this week:

* I make my decisions from a place of hope and faith.
* My creative drive is strong and exciting.
* My sexuality is fulfilling and meaningful.
* I am life.

Those of you who have bought Anodea Judith's Chakra Balancing Kit can move on to their workbooks, and if you like, blog your responses and link back to this post.

For those of you who don't have the book but would like to know a bit more about the first chakra, visit Anodea Judith's site and answer the questions below:

1. Do you express your emotions clearly and honestly?
Yes I do ^_^
well It's not easy to say aloud " I love you" because it's precious and important and I am very cold with that sentence so it sounds never sincere when I utter it, I am very awkward with " I love you"
I write it easily to the one who touch my heart, but I believe in Here and now of emotions.
There are obviously persons I declare I love and it ll be absolute truth and unchangeable come what may.
but I also love to allow myself to send love to sweet souls because here and now I care for them etc.

I express my anger, frustration,discontentement very easily too and my loved ones feel it at once! ^_^
even with distance and just emails.
I am very expressive, I don't believe in hiding emotions.
Yet sometimes I need to hide my sadness.
If I am hurt I may react more with indifference and coldness or anger sometimes,but smart anger then ;o)
I reply through art and creations.
I am honest, I don't mind being seen naked soul, it doesn't make me weaker but stronger I believe.
Perhaps because a lot of people are scared to show who they are and to be seen.
I guess there is something kind of careless in my attitude, I just do express who I am because I feel like it, I need it, I am expression, I am emotion...

I don't mind being ridiculous, silly,weak and whatnot:P
knowing that whatever I do my beloved ones trust and support and love me is my strength.I owe them.


2. Are you in touch with what you truly feel?
Yes, I always know I love and I am loved and it's beautiful.
I am lucky for this.
I know it because I remember loneliness, years of solitude and when I had to love seb in the distance as he was a penpal at first...2 years and a half, leaving at the station, me crying louder everytime!
I know the blessings of hugging and kissing everyday ;)

ok I won't lie, some people in the past told me the couple was torture!
that living together is a real challenge!
It is.
We have lived tough times.
It taught us a lot.
seb should remember to surprise me a little more so I'll stay forever ;)( kidding)

I am very connected to my feelings, and most of the time when I feel it,now I understand even better.
I was not that aware of all chakra to be honest, it's interesting to learn!
when I feel insulted, hurt,angry or in love,touched, I feel it there, like a wave of different sensations...


3. Do you set appropriate boundaries for yourself and in relation to others?

I don't know, it depends to who others are.
with some friends I am very in closeness and I don't have secrets for them, for my parents I never had secrets either...
I tell everything to seb,I bore him with all my thoughts ahah ;-)
I m joking of course I dont ^___^;;

well the limits are drawn at the entrance of my soul garden for sure.
I may look and sound as if I give it all about me, because I am honest real and sharing who I am but I still have my secret garden, my secrets dreams,flowers, magick,fantasies and such...no worries.

There are limits, I do protect myself, I believe my brain is my shield.
I know what is real and what is not. I am safe.

4. What pleasurable activites do you bring into your life?
art, writing,poetry,singing,painting,taking pictures, a lot of creative passions.
I take a lot of pleasure in the activites.
I think that poetry singing and painting are very sensual, sexual things in my life.
There is something very touching in words and every word lovers will agree with me.
The beauty,depths and intelligence of words/poetry/writing is orgasmic.
The same for painting, it's soothing pleasure, healing...


5. Do you move towards change and new experiences, or are you resistant?
I do move towards change and new experiences a lot but there big changes that still sometimes afraid me a bit.
I have an adventurous spirits, I am very shy and introvert but I love trying new things, experimenting.
but I am resistant too in the fact I love stability and things that will so called never changed but evolve in time.
Both are fine with me.
I can't wait for the big change of moving, but until now all apartment we're trying to visit are already rented alas.
I just hope I will be able to choose my life and location this time!
I haven t chosen my life here in Cambrai, my heart lead me here and of course I don't regret at all because I learnt, grew and evolved thanks to this path.
I guess we are where we are meant to be.


6. What are your passions?

intellectual,literarian, sensual and creative matters are my passions.Mystic, esoteric and beautiful things fascinate me so much.
I am in love with art making and writing, my big passions.



7. Do you value your own feelings and respond to them?
Well it depends, sometimes my feelings are way too immense like the ocean.I do express too much. My love for others makes me sometimes vulnerable, I feel what they feel,they affect me and my world.
But I love the feeling of love it is very nurturing and a big inspiration to me.
I listen to my heart,if my hearts say Love I will.
I don't live in denial. I may have been hurt and betrayed and abandonned a lot in the past, this year has opened me and taught me to trust more and allow myself to be wrong and to be naive if it has to be naive;)
I dont think it's naive to allow oneself to love, life is too short and if we meet like minded souls on our path it's good to welcome and recognize them:)
it's a warm feeling of déjà vu:)












Passion that makes you giggle
Passion that makes you blush
Petals after petals never seen red like this
Sweet Loving Madness and will o' the wisp of fantasies
Her hearth heart was always on fire
Flowers of flames was sighing innamoramento chants
She was alive running barefoot in the alleys of cinders
Everything rekindling after her footsteps
Some souls would dangerously verge the fall into her mist of dreams
But the ones who dared
They were carved in her heart deeply always and forever
She would take them by the hands to the infinite horizon
Where the heart shaped apples were sparkling and mesmerizing
She would innocently hand them the fruit of Desire
so they could taste heaven and never ever leave her heart Garden...

(....)
morning improvisation ^____^;; mwahahahahah( there should be some kind of evil witch laughter at the end of this one :P)

Everything is as it is. It has no name other than the name we give it. It is we who call it something; we give it a value. We say this thing is good or it's bad, but in itself, the thing is only as it is. It's not absolute; it's just as it is. People are just as they are.

-Ajahn Sumedho, "The Mind and the Way"

My body may be floating and sick but my Soul still know where she dwells & I assert my Heart and everything I am...

Don't cling to anything and don't reject anything. Let come what comes, and accomodate yourself to that, whatever it is. If good mental images arise, that is fine. If bad mental images arise, that is fine, too. Look on all of it as equal, and make yourself comfortable with whatever happens. Don't fight with what you experience, just observe it all mindfully.

-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

Here is the work on chakra inspired by Mich at Virtual circle


Affirmations to practice this week:

*
I enjoy being in my body and I nourish it each day.
*
I am connected to the earth and the safe foundation it provides for my future growth.


*
I believe in my abundance.



You might want to answer these questions:

1.
What is your relationship to your body, diet and exercise?


I try to eat very healthy, I am sort of neo veggie, I hardly eat meat but do eat fish
I have some food phobia, I am always not reassured with what I eat, I mean they really sell us everything and anything, lots of pesticide on fruits and veggies, lots of added things in food, too much salt in ready made food
I get a little paranoid about food.
Lately I eat less because of my health and mood.
I don't feel hungry.
I still have vertigo and it's very tiring so I don't do much exercise, I try to do my morning yoga but I can't do much really or I feel so dizzy.
But I think I would need to lie down in the grass or on the ground outside to feel my roots in Gaia,to remember balance, to feel still...

I really don't feel good in my skin lately.I think it doesn't show on my face that I am constantly dizzy and I can't walk normally so people don't really understand this & maybe they could even think I'm faking it, whereas I just want my health ,balance and Energies back!

2.
Do you suffer from any physical ailments?
yes I have back aches, neck aches, migraines thank Goddess not as much now!!!! I am so grateful and happy for this!
I have raynaud syndromes which is circulatory problems in blood vessels in my feet and hands and it does hurt in my right hand:(
I've had these vertigos for two weeks now and so It has awoken my anxiety disorder Yay!
I am totally fucked up ahah better laugh about it ^___^
I was feeling so fine this summer, I guess maybe my body just rejects cold season and so it goes all crazy:P


3.
Is your home environment nurturing & clean?

well it's clean, but very messy because we're living in still a two small apartment maybe?
I dont know,I think for Feng shui I'll pass because it's awfully messy here...but yes we clean, I need clean space to work and breathe and feel fine.

4.
Are you on top of your finances?

ahahhhhahah sorry just had to laugh nervously, guess it answers ;-)
but sincerely I don't play the victim I still have a roof above me ,a good bed with a true love inside it, I have food , I struggle for bills at times but I do know there is always worse than me so I relativise this.
I think what matters truly is HEALTH & LOVE , the rest is just a question of time to feel more settled, to get what we want , seb and I are working for it,one day soon all our worries will be behind us, I am fighting and standing up for this!
I am too smart to be a loser;);) and whatever shows that maybe at 28 I am still there living a reduced life like poor students or whatever, I know I have achieved a lot.
My present situation won't tell me I am a failure.
I have grown and learnt a lot, I'm a fighter and I won't ever give up...it's just way too easy to give in to despair and bitterness, I don't belong to this:P


5.
Are you satisfied in your work?

So in a way Yes I have chosen my path, I embrace my artist life and I am responsible for my choices: being a full time artist means you can not travel the world( except with internet ;);)you can not go out much ,treat yourself etc etc
I don't go to the cinema, I hardly go to the restaurant, I don't go on holidays, I hardly buy any new clothes , I hardly ever buy cds or books etc...

and I am not SAD about this.
I don't feel I NEED so much to please myself
My life has taught me a lot, of course at first I suffered a lot to be so poor etc
I was always stressed and all, but now I really value the essential that I have, I am grateful for what I have and yes I know it could be worse...what if I hadn't Internet ahahahhah ;oP

joking is good for my health, cheers me up ^_^

but I am super satisfied with my work in terms of improvement, growth, learning and soul development
I am really proud of myself, I know I tend to doubt and feel lost at times but all in all I am an artist and this is the life I have chosen!
Anytime I indulge in painting and sharing my insides, my soul in this I do feel blessed
I owe this to God/Goddess, to this life, to guardian angels, to all the obstacles which took me there
I am a positive thinker, I really acknowledge that some part of pain ,depression and all has taken me here, and I am enjoying the journey in spite of all the worries, really :)

I owe a lot to my parents who also have let me do what I want and to seb to be supportive and to have agree to be the secure wages while I am starting my own art business.
He is my sweetheart.
I sometimes only kind of regret the fact of earning money, because maybe we are sort of programmed like this: you earn wages each month=you're worth it
I know my own worth, but I dont know, maybe it would be nice also to have a daily job when we move so I can have some money to treat my beloved ones ^__^
ooooh and myself of course eheh


6.
How regularly do you spend time in nature?

not enough.
Yes definetly not enough, we live in a city, so I guess it's my excuse.
I would need to flee in the countryside...breathing gaz and listening to the melodies of car is too much for me...


7.
Does fear hold you back in your life?

kind of, for instance even if I had the money to travel meet my dearest friends around the world, or to visit India and Nepal( my big dream) I don't know...I would need lots of xanax on perfusion for the whole trip ahhahah ^____^;;
I fear of dying too early too young...and I hate this silly fear, so useless, such a blockage...
but paradoxically I am a riks taker and I do and have done a lot of things that scared me so I guess I am still brave...I have to prove myself I trust this life more...
I think I will go on facing my fears, I need to canalyze my emotions more to be quieter, to be more at ease everything, to feel at home everywhere I go, because I live in my soul/my heart.


8.
Can you take care of details and stay centred?

I don't really understand this question...
I think I am easily disturbed because of my emotional side.
I have to tame my freak ^___^
In my life I think I do take care of a lot of details, that bore me to death but yes I stay centered on my path, my life meaning, my reasons to be there and my higher goals.
********************************************************************



You don't know me
and you dare label me
You don't know my name
You've not walked in these worn out cinderella shoes
I won't justify my intelligence because you think I'm pretty
Who do you think you are
with your big Mouth and scissors teeth
want to cut a piece of me?
I won't bend under bitter words
I won't play your dirty games
I can't stain my soul copying your harshness
I'm no bitter queen
But I'm not going to leave my thrown to please you
Everyone has their Sacredness
Don't you dare try tarnish this
assumptions won't ever write a very deep book
You cannot read through me
This gaze say I am me and I will speak
I'm not going to hide in the corner
Because this tasteless flow wants to burn me
I am not scare
I am not weak
No porcelain for you to break
I am so real
I won't break down for all these lies
spread your anger
I will go on scattering flowers
You cannot damage this Garden
I am standing up
I am facing you
I am not going to run
Go on judging what you think you perceive
Put my circles in a box
I won't ever fit in
I know who I am
I don't kneel for the Man
I don't fear mysoginist
I smile even more
pouring sugary intoxication in their void
(...)


Yesterday I wrote this out of anger to release.
I received email from a person who surely is too full of himself to breathe and take time before spreading some bullshits.

I often think anger is useless, mine is quieter and more tamed and controlled that it used to!
I guess it's because I have evolved and I can not act like them.
I can not play their games.
Bitter people hate you because of their own worries, so all in all they just want to spread their sticky thick sick problems on us, as if we were the cause of their problems.

I also think it may be a French thing to COMPLAIN all the time and not to be grateful for what we have.
Because compared to many countries we have a lot, we have the right to do strikes and we surely are the BEST for this
we have the best care insurance but of course not my fault that Sarko wants to change this, it's kind of a pity though.
I do think it's normal that it should be free to heal people who can not pay for it.
Maybe I am way too idealistic.
I think my health would surely be worse if I couldn't go to the doctor for free & so I am grateful to be in France for this.

Now of course people could sum this up that we are 'assisted'and too much helped by the state, I dont think so, or the people who let out these bullshit I give them my RMI( welfare) and they try to live their life with it and so we'll laugh a little more after.

so well this man truly agressed me as if he had nothing better to do with his life.
I think of course people need compassion but when I see life when I see things, I think still people cry for nothing.
I have a big heart and I am sincerely sorry for them if they do struggle, but if they are not happy with their condition why complaining to me? if someone is bitter with one's life why not just changing and finding a better way to live just that?

It's like the difference between private business and public service in France, both jealous the other, it s fucking crap isn t it?
you envy public go there, you envy private business go there and don't act like immature half kind of human being
It is so very tiring really...

I just don't understand people sometimes
When I had depression I surely would constantly blame it all on OTHERS
I think people have to be responsible for their life and this is the way I handle mine and take good care of it
I do know where I am heading, slowly but surely.

so now I won't waste my energy talking on bitter people who really don't interest me.
I have better things to do.
but to conclude on this, sometimes we get mean to stranger for free and we all should be more human and think twice, imagine what they are living now, imagine they can have worse worries than ours, I hate egocentrism and individualism, it's what leads to silly wars for crap...
tiring people, tiring world.

Thank Goddess I still can witness the beauty in humanity.
oh and when professional photographers dare to insult my amateur photographies well I just think it's pathetic immaturity and I am sincerely sorry for them, we all know the guys who need to pooh on our parade don't we?;-)

I am an amateur photographer but I do work and enjoy what I am creating
I really acknowledge my talent in this even if compared to photographers I admire like Lara Jade or Dan colvin I am really small ahah ^____^;;
I am learning on my own as I am self taught but I won't be ashamed to begin, we all do begin some time don't we?

so if anyone want to go on insulting my work, go on little darlings help yourself, I am fresh meat to devour if you can feel better and I am not scared
I love myself and I love my work/art and I am standing up for what I represent and defend.







I love that picture I did of Jen and I.






Come back to yourself
Please
Please please
I see you I remember
Pieces can not be that damaged
Pisces may be close to the edge
Glass chips and porcelaine breaks
I can't help but bleeding if you hurt
I can't help but hurting if you're cut
I would pour my rays of Light down your feet
I would enter the shadows for you with you
I would hold your hand
Please please
Close your eyes breathe some memories
Cling to all the buds of beauty
grab and push your nails in the tiniest pieces of gleam
Believe in the core of me
lull your soul with the blanket of flowers
warm up your heart with the window
I am at the window
I can't promise you won't fall
Maybe it's now too late
I beg thee just to keep clinging to all that's real
keep trusting all my loving
I'd rinse your mind with all my tears
Please come back to me
I won't allow you to hurt more
I won't allow you to be left alone
Reach out
please
I will ever be there for you
You don't even have to ask
(...)

(Poem inspired by the picture)
I was quite happy with the result a la Katerina Jebb in this photoshopped artwork!
Katerina Jebb is the great photographer who did Tori amos cover for the album from the choirgirl hotel, one of my fav album by beautiful Tori amos<3





some versions of it :-)








these the canvas I have ruined and tried to save, I was so dizzy and it was not easy to paint really, I had lived an awful week last week, I am trying slowly to feel better.
a lot of huge loneliness of the soul,disconnection mind and body and also big emotional turmoil.

But I can not just do nothing and wait to heal, it drives me insane to do nothing
I am a compulsive artist it's true, I need expression a lot surely because of being like a jar fairy ^___^;;

I know I know I would need more going out and being more social and I am heading towards this, I know
I see my new life on the horizon, it still needs time and patience, it is not as easy as it seems.




and my last painting,I finished it yesterday:



it's called N'aie pas peur (means Be not Afraid) and can be read many different ways

"Don't be afraid my Soul, pieces may collapse in puddle of Bitter thoughts You are still the same you are Sacred you are Loved I know it hurts to lose feathers but don't give up cling to what is beautifully Real Come protect yourself in this Room in my Soul Garden you'll be home I promise you'll be home"

I am glad of the surrealism of this, I always want to do weirder, more whimsical and strange ,thought provoking works so I am trying to tend towards this, but I also feel like doing some cute fairytales artworks...

I might be published in a Belgian magazine for my mixed media artwork,we are discussing it right now,so I will have work to do:-)

I have been featured Here at faefly zine by my dear Helen Trevillion
and I thank her again for her kind words and for enjoying my work!

well I still have more to write and share but I also have to rest.
Parts of me want to rest because I don't sleep very well, when I lie in my bed I feel as if I am moving, I feel motion really, I don't know if it's in my brain or what
I feel a current of energy too on my face, something that is like crashing onto me, it s strange
I cant really explain this.
I am thinking about things lately, about things I have postponed for many excuses , I think I have to open myself to this spiritual path and stop being afraid.

I can't wait to be back to myself completely.
I hope everyone is fine , I am sorry not to be a very good friend/penpal, I am really trying to do my best,but thanks so much to everyone who sent me messages and care packages to cheer me up, your friendship really means a lot to me, I am grateful for this and all the positive sweet energies you send my ways do help me so much

Blessings & namasté

so called poetry...

Mental testing
are the cords well attached
A leash to the heart
Freedom I bleed
No tether to what is real
Feel each petals and close your eyes
Emotional wires are making knots
Who fears the arsons?
A sample of truth
Elixir of beauty who loves know how it feels
I don't need to scream this
I don't need to write it down
It nurtures me
I don't need to know how much I miss
I don't need to make you bleed
I have tasted genuine essence and I trust in
All this sparks I can not see
no concrete nothing I can touch
I'm holding your hands
that is my spiritual truth
substantial sharing of soul
How can this be erased in confusions
One can not decipher the swirls with question marks
One can not grab the magic of it all with shadows
Don't you ever dare try tarnishing what is so beautifully REAL

******************************

Burn the Maze

walk run jump fly
can not escape
you knock my head on every wall
I am not perfect
I am stained
I am a human being
I am as real and naked as one can be
I have nothing to hide
and if I have treasures and secret gems I need to protect them
I can't afford to lose pieces of the puzzle
I cant afford lest I should have a mourning too soon
again again and again
words run faster than you
I control my energy
I have shield for yours
cut slash cut again
deeper
want to see the real me
want me down on my knees
want to see I care
I don't understand
book of sybilline nonsense
the evil wind flip all the pages
I cannot read a word
What the meaning
dots after dots and bleeding question marks
they will go hang themselves tonight
all the words that are shut in that chest
They create this waves of whirling mess
dirt and shadows are facing me
I surely don't speak the best English
Everything I am is lost in translation so whatever
I can not be seen
who can really know another soul?
You can Open the book of my eyes
you can read between lines
you can question
you can doubt

I will always know who I am and however fucked up I am tonight and all this week with those vertigos and all
I do know I am a good person , a good friend, a kind soul and I do my best not to hurt, I do my best to give a lot of me to everything to everyone I care or not

I may sound self centered because of my health issues but in my worries and all I still do sincerely care for each of my soul sisters and friends
I am so emotional that I feel I have to justify myself how pathetic is that...

goodnight world, I will always love this life whatever the things I have to go through
If God is trying to question me with those obstacles and troubles right I ll face it all
I am dizzy, I am physically not balanced but I know my soul is balanced, I know what I want from this life, I take what I want and I give the centerfold always.

feeling so uncomfortable...

I feel quite lonely and I have ruined two canvas...
I hope I can save them.we'll see that tomorrow.
I've had a rather bad day.
Some friends think they will cheer me saying they've got vertigo for a long time like me but instead of this,they worry me and discourage me.

I have tried to remain positive but now it's been more than a week, I have this in my daily life and it's no fun.
It really depresses me and it begins to worry me with questions, sick questions...what if it's worse?




so not ready to say goodbye
so not ready to close my eyes
Too much to pour from the depths of my core
Flowers of spice tasting like seraphins wings
Flowers of candy tasting like witch dresses

I wish I could run above the sky and tear a piece of peace
My little feet wander on some thin lines
too many feet above the ground
Will I fall now will I crash down
I am not ready to turn the page

I am tearing up my summer dresses
And I wish I could stop remembering
Half my brain is like a waterfall of chaos
Fusion of Darkness & Colorful autumn leaves

which way to go
I cannot close the door
Heavy heavy like my heart
Even silence is frozen

unravelling petals and fraying stars
The glow is on absent mode
I am not ready to say goodbye
Too many things to love
I cannot already run dry

My fountain of hearts rains down
Liquid magic I cannot shut my mouth
I don't want to die
Angels send me the warmth embrace to heal


(...)





more photos at my flickr

for those interested I have interviewed the great and so inspiring Debrina Pratt:

Here the interview

I have two other fantastic artists to interview, but I'm going slowly really.
I am not myself
I am beginning to feel crankier each day because it's boring to feel the sensations I feel right now

I need a good movie, good food, a good laughter and better sleep.
I keep telling myself, tomorrow will be better.
I am so sad because I had to go meet Isabelle tomorrow and with that fucking vertigo I can't risk to take the car :(
Goddess I'm feeling so lonely....