samedi 10 novembre 2007

Burn the Maze

walk run jump fly
can not escape
you knock my head on every wall
I am not perfect
I am stained
I am a human being
I am as real and naked as one can be
I have nothing to hide
and if I have treasures and secret gems I need to protect them
I can't afford to lose pieces of the puzzle
I cant afford lest I should have a mourning too soon
again again and again
words run faster than you
I control my energy
I have shield for yours
cut slash cut again
deeper
want to see the real me
want me down on my knees
want to see I care
I don't understand
book of sybilline nonsense
the evil wind flip all the pages
I cannot read a word
What the meaning
dots after dots and bleeding question marks
they will go hang themselves tonight
all the words that are shut in that chest
They create this waves of whirling mess
dirt and shadows are facing me
I surely don't speak the best English
Everything I am is lost in translation so whatever
I can not be seen
who can really know another soul?
You can Open the book of my eyes
you can read between lines
you can question
you can doubt

I will always know who I am and however fucked up I am tonight and all this week with those vertigos and all
I do know I am a good person , a good friend, a kind soul and I do my best not to hurt, I do my best to give a lot of me to everything to everyone I care or not

I may sound self centered because of my health issues but in my worries and all I still do sincerely care for each of my soul sisters and friends
I am so emotional that I feel I have to justify myself how pathetic is that...

goodnight world, I will always love this life whatever the things I have to go through
If God is trying to question me with those obstacles and troubles right I ll face it all
I am dizzy, I am physically not balanced but I know my soul is balanced, I know what I want from this life, I take what I want and I give the centerfold always.

3 commentaires:

SooticasDream a dit…

Love the poem. So raw...

I don't think you have been self centered at all. When we are ill, even if it just the common cold, it effects ever breath we take until we recover or find a cure.
I know what feeling dizzy all the time feels like (was a side effect of a med for a while) & it is distressing & makes you a bit paranoid. I thought people were thinking I was drunk because I would bump into things.
It changes very simple things into challenges, such as taking a bath/shower! (I would not have a bath when I felt very dizzy.)
I don't know if anyone has said something to you about you feeling poorly, but try to ignore them & forget what they have said. They obviously have problems with empathy & patience, or maybe they themselves are feeling poorly & misdirected their frustrations onto you.
Hope you're feeling better soon
*HUGS*

jen a dit…

helene, i agree with catriona...i don't feel you have been self centered ... when things are confusing, as i know they have been...it is easy to misinterpret...i am so sorry you have felt this way...

you are a good soul

Hélène Deroubaix a dit…

thank you catriona :)
You are always such a lovely support for me, big hugs and blessings to you

thank you dear Jen, hugs