vendredi 20 avril 2007

being real

did I tell you my problem with Pride?

I always felt pride was ugly bad or something you know not wanted...
I thought people who are proud were a bit too self assured and boring, I thought you were getting arrogant or haughty if you say you were proud of your actions or skills
I know sometimes that it was wrong but when you have the habit to reject pride because of the way you've bred,because of the judeo christian society that makes you say don't be arrogant, be humble etc

I also think our society makes me all get this lack of self confidence because of course of the comparison and the things they want from us,the so called things we should do or have to be worth it
but also because society makes us be able to easily say how stupid we are, to apologize for our limitations and flaws,to be able to say how bad we are at this etc, all these things are allowed
but you say the contrary,you acknowledge your beauties and you end up being seen as arrogant,full of yourself

don't you feel trapped in this?
I always fear people will think I'm so full of myself
I am self centered, and egotist in the human sense of it and because I am an artist but not only
I think I am attached to the conditioning lack of self confidence because I fear others won't see I am still very humble and I still doubts and put myself in questions a lot.

It's amazing how society makes us act because of thinking how we are going to be perceived!
I think we'd better be real always

as far as I'm concerned,I love people who can acknowledge their beauties,who trust their soul ,I also enjoy their breaks,their little flaws, their details that makes them unique...

You killed me But I'll come back

title:
You killed me But I'll come back

mixed media painting,29,7x42 cm on watercolor paper

Really I know the girl is not a top model and there is a lack of symetry etc
but the more I research on old artist the more I can see how large art is,how there shouldn't compartiment, this is fine art and this is not!

I think I will go on drawing even if I'm not sure I'll be liked for it,we'll see!
But to me it's a real pleasure,I do enjoy myself so why not going on?

Yes the painting is quite sad,I got so sad and shocked and I hurt for the young girl of 23 who had disappeared and some days later we heard on tv she had been found, dead...

It's a very recent event...I saw her mom on tv, saying that she was imagining the worse but still being hopeful so when the news came I could sort of imagine that amazing pain it must have been for her family,her boyfriend and friends...

On time like this we feel so powerless because what we can do, there will always be people who have psychological troubles and end up raping and killing girls and this is a huge anger that inspires that artwork.
which is why I chose the title: you killed me but I'll come back.

I identify myself,because anytime things like that happen, I remember myself,it could have happen to me,what if I had died at the age of 23,what if my life had been suddenly stolen by a psychopath and I couldn't live all the things I have lived and all the things I have dreamt to live...
I dont know but these girls,they have dreams,they have goals, they made project,they imagine how they'll be in ten years,who could imagine they would have been stolen their life?

This is so fucking unfair.
I'm sure they are still somewhere, ready to haunt these men, these so cruel soul thieves.
I want and need my art to denunce more, to be more committed to all the things I believe in,to all the thing that have to be remembered...

Well I hope everyone is ready for a good and restful weekend!

2 commentaires:

Jen a dit…

The imperfect symmetry is so good.
I can't even imagine the painting any other way. I love the colors there and the line (and the title : )...
self-aware
confident
love for oneself
these things are what everyone desires...I do know what you mean...we don't want to be perceived as anything other than what/who we are...and yet, we know that people can misperceive..and so maybe at times it feels safer to throw in alittle self-doubt or to hide when we feel good about ourselves or our work...it's like there is the temptation to try to find "just the right balance" of being self-assured and being humble...

how often do we hear anyone say something about what they like about themselves...perhaps, mostly in counseling sessions as an exercise and to themselves.

I wonder what I would feel about someone who only seems to talk about themselves(praising what they like about themselves)and the things they are proud of..well, I know I have noticed this in the past when talking with some people and sometimes I was not sure what to make of it..but generally it was off-putting...I think if they had no other thoughts..that I would think...oh, what a bore. and that maybe the person thinks they are more special than another...but if done in a natural way...not stiffling a natural comment about oneself or one's art or whatever...I think this is nice...it gives others an idea of what is important to that person and what kind of things they like and it encourages others to share similarly...and if the same person is honest about things that don't come as easily or are not amongst their best abilities..(the breaks and little flaws as you say), then they come across not only as proud but as real and as human as anybody else.

But yes, I have felt trapped in this before. But I think I can feel less trapped if I remember that there is a balance and that I know I have doubts and questions but that there are some things I am proud of.

..I think that by minimizing myself in those times when I am trying to protect myself from negative perceptions..that it might have led me to question my own feelings about myself and my abilities...to diminish my self-worth in a way...as I grew to believe that a general confidence and being self-assured was for someone else. I felt that I had to be an expert to be confident...but we can be confident about our thoughts, feelings, since who else would know these but us...and if we like something, then we know that we do..even if it is something related to ourselves.

Your last couple of sentences here speak to art's purpose to express something that is important to the artist...to convey message...I have appreciated many different kinds of art...to me it can be for such a number of things...the colors, form, light, arrangement...the feeling I get when I look at it, the technique..but the kind of art I appreciate in a different way(?deeper) is art that is about what the artist "believes in"...whether it is to denounce something bad or to portray something good..

Art has the ability to transform..to sway..to bring into focus..to effect and I think when an artist makes art that she feels deeply about...that it is like when a singer sings from their heart(personal experience and reactions and with genuine feeling)...technique may not be perfect by somebody's standards(there's always "somebody" with standards!)..but the feeling is genuine and the art is felt and there is a feeling of beauty.

How wonderful it is to see someone really enjoying themselves..doing something they enjoy..I love to see my daughter spontaneously pick up a crayon or pencil and sketch out something and call me over ...she is smiling and she is proud and it makes me happy. When it is from her mind or heart as opposed to a lesson from someone else(but she does gain satisfaction from that and often there is something of herself added in)...there is just a wonderful feeling from her that she believes in herself..at first, I think she was holding back and awaiting my comment...did I like it?..but lately, I feel when she shows me something that she is happy or excited about, it doesn't much matter my comment. She shows it and doesn't appear to be waiting around for my comment in quite the same way...I always try to react to it, but also asking and implying greater importance on what she thinks of it herself.

...when I volunteered to teach an art class for third grade at my daughter's school, The painting featured was "Ruby Green Singing" by James Chapin from 1929..a portrait of an African American woman singing(a spiritual) ..really beautiful painting I think, hadn't heard of it before then(maybe you know it)...but it was very popular here and continued to be over the years...it captured the spirit, of a confident (proud?), strong, beautiful person who also seemed warm and familiar...and likable(this makes me think of how being proud can be beautiful)

..when it came time for the kids to make art..there were so many kids who were asking about their own art...is this o.k?....is this good?..is this right?...and so many who thought so hard about what to do..maybe they were thinking...what am I SUPPOSED to do...what will people think?..and there were so many that were busy looking at others with comparison on their minds..she or he is better than me...it's a cultural thing, perhaps...the importance placed on finding "the best" or "the winner"...instead of valuing the differences and the individual's growth and virtue...we have the t.v. show here American Idol where singers are eliminated through votes called in....until finally there is one "best"...it is an illusion that people buy into (start to believe)...there need be no one winner...as one of the "judges"(more like commentators) on the show says to the people voted off..."you are all winners", as her facial expression seems to be saying at the same time, "I hope you believe that, and that this experience hasn't changed your belief in yourself...but I rather doubt it".

I think the more "we" worry about what other people think the less energy we have for figuring out and expressing what we think...and the more compromised "our" art can be....maybe it becomes a watered- down version or loses it's uniqueness...maybe it becomes safe but unfullfilling...maybe it has less influence..

and sometimes artists want to have influence...as a storyteller or a painter of a picture to help others understand and feel. Some produce art based on what they know others like...that's great if that is the purpose, if the artist is happy...

If we don't risk something different we never know what could be(this is obvious but, I must remember this and do it)...another thing that I have felt to be difficult is how to think about trying something and possibly "changing my mind"..I think in the past, I have equated that with "quiting" or "failing"...I should have seen it as risking, hoping, and exploring...

I really liked your painting and hope you do more if it is what you want to do. If you would like to...

I think I have made a long comment because I am wanting to make art, but have been stuck ?because I needed to get comfortable with myself, and explore more first...to listen for the inspiration...and to deal with the fear of my own flimsy perception of my ability to make art..and the fear that others would say, what? you would call yourself an artist?...but this puts the focus on others and I should be guided by me, right? am hopefully getting this

...I agree, we are definately products of our society and the messages over the years!

Your branching out in your art and your post, along with some other artists I see taking risks(maybe though, the risk is just a false perception) ..anyway, I see artists trying something new...and this is making me more and more inclined to just try whatever I think I might enjoy, independent of what I think I would do really well. And if the passion is there...the learning will probably be done.

as your post's title says, so much is about being real. "Get real!" as they say. For me, getting real is about recognizing my best likes/joys and my abilities and using all of this to do the most good I can do in the world.

Sometimes, it's not about not having ideas, but about having too many choices and limited time to explore...so the intuition or the gut feeling can help(I haven't gotten there yet)

..but I don't think it can be measured or compared-- the good that comes from one activity or another...if it could, then I think it wouldn't be this hard to figure the next step.

Maybe trusting intuition is a way to circumvent the analysis of thought with all the possible wrong turns or dead ends or road blocks...and I now am interested in intuition!

are you guided much by intuition?

Really, I think ..both are valuable..the logical steps to figure out what is possible based on ability and the intuition to help know where our passion lies...abilities can be increased..but what of turning like into "passion"?..I've heard of growing to love...but growing to passion?

after I write a comment, I often think of a few short phrases that could sum up things...like "be you", "have fun" "do good" "love is the answer"...but if the wise "simple" answers are to have meaning for me, it seems I have to walk through the forest and among all the trees ...it is then that I can look at the forest as a whole, and understand. Maybe with time...I can see the forest for all that it is without so much walking around. Since it can be tiring. ( or do I "miss the forest for the trees?")

hope you have a really good weekend, too. Real rest would be very nice, indeed. : ) (your post has helped me get alittle clearer for myself...I appreciate that).

comment only as you wish. I don't expect...but I am curious sometime about your take (opinion) on intuition. ;)

Marie a dit…

Helene, you drawing is beautiful, and the girl is perfect! I'm so glad to see you use your own drawings in your art...then you can do whatever you like with it...Stand tall...there is nothing wrong in recognizing your beauty...may you shine for other women to believe in themselves too...