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for more available artwork go to

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Bright blessings***

Evolve

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

And God(dess) made me a loner

this is my first 29,7x42 cm on watercolor paper,I love the texture of this paper!
I LOVE paper! and brushes! <3



So the theme here was one of my phobia: speaking in public(glossophobia), it has always been this way, I am very weak when I have to be listened by an audience, I am all stressed out.

the little panels have the words :Les mots that means The words but could also be a pun and mean les maux= the aches.

I have tried to improve my drawing and she was nice without the painting and now I can only say I am working and I will improve, still the most important is to enjoy the learning, the path to this ;-)



(mine on the left ,hers on the right)


Today I give my first mixed media class to Isabelle who came to me via internet because she loved mixed media and saw my website.

She asked me if I gave mixed media classes because she wanted to learn and become an artist too because she feels it's her calling and her job depresses her.

We emailed each other for several weeks, maybe a month, can't remember, and I invited her for a free mixed media class :-)

It was really great ^___^






(these are self portrait I was in the mood to take right after Isabelle left)

I am a very introverted fae child. I don't go much towards people. I dont know if I fear rejection,for I accept and understand that not everyone will love me ;-)

but I haven't had any friends around that I could meet in person since ages!
It's so weird and all new to me ;-)

Too bad I met Isabelle when it's surely my last months in Cambrai, then I'll be even further away from her.

She lives about 40 minutes from here.

We chatted a lot maybe she more than I because I also love silences, I am used to silence and its beauty. Silences shared are wonderful too.

Especially when you're deeply concentrate on your work:)

To be honest I had a hard time concentrate on my art and teaching her, helping her, showing her how to make backgrounds and things like that!

But I am quite glad about her collages!
I guess it shows that she has a real talent , imagination and creativity to be an artist and also that I was a good teacher ^__^

so I feel happy and reassured:)

Now I am motivated for other free mixedmedia class before asking for money for them :-)

I will offer that at the mixed media forum:)

I feel so tired, maybe is it the change of hour but I LOVE the fact it's clear late (is it English???well I mean that I dont like the winter hour and when it's dark at 4 O clock :)

I love the idea of having made a friend that made me smile a lot :)

I then offered her one of my collages, asking her which one she preferred and she insisted to give one of hers as a trade :)

We could talk a lot because we have many similarities,many same flaws ;-)
She had brought some of her art book that were very nice and it tempts me a lot!

I haven't been able to buy any art book ever!
It's also because I prefer spending money on art material and because there are so many books I dont know which one to choose ;-)

Hey you !who reads me( if there is anyone at all) could you advice me the book, zine or magazine I really have to have right now, that could developpe my creativity and spark my imagination, oh and make me dream and smile :)

I think I am going to go to bed early for this day was a lot of emotions and stress, I feel drained ;-)

But really that makes me want to socialize more & meet people!

I just often feel afraid to be disapointed & hurt others, but I told myself I have the right not to love everyone not to feel interested or even to be bored!

I just know that a new born friendship is fragile and that it will take some time to be sure it can last for ever, it's fragile because it needs to be taken care ,it needs to be wanted both sides and worked both sides...It's a sharing, a giving...

Now I really want to thank Isabelle for finding me and for making this possible because I kind of surprised!
Helene inviting a friend at home o_____O it's just so amazing ahah...


Now Tomorrow I have an important apointement for my artist path, my career ;-) ,my future and I will be again so very stressed ahah

just as if I liked that!!
But it will be interesting,it will help me a lot and I have to be confident!

I dont know why I dreamt of a peacock last night, I was taking pictures of it, and then it was running fiercely towards me but passes aside.

I search in the dream dictionnary, it talks about vanity and failures when we get too self assured etc
but Goddess this is not me at all!

Of course I trust my art, but I am not vain or think I am as flamboyant and amazing as the peacock...
but sure I want to be gazed at like a peacock, with its magnificent colors!

I adore peacocks, they are so beautiful,I am amazed by the colors of such animals!

Maybe it just mean I want to exist, be taken seriously,succeed on my artist path etc etc

But all in all I want to do something good, I want to be useful in some ways,bring some kind of happiness/love to others and I know there are so many for this...

and God made me a loner...

fairy smiles***

The bridge...

there are days we feel chatty & ready to pour our soul and share every emotions, and there are days silence feels wiser, like a comfort.
Not because we have nothing to say,but maybe because every thoughts are dancing and some are crying or laughing, we cannot really decipher something clearly...

and so I feel as if I was mute,as if I had nothing to say but it's just that my mind is quite busy with reality and the pieces of the realms of dreams are scattered all the place inside me.

I am already tired to have to think "reality" and be sensible, it'll be a long road...
but if it's the road of my dreams I guess it's worth it.
It takes time to really achieve something.
I need to build a brigde to mend the gap between the harsh reality of our societies and my wishes,my dreams...

that's the metaphore! because a bridge really needs time,patience,reason,wisdom,a lot of hard work, we are responsible for the dreams who will take this bridge, if the bridge is not well thought and prepared it can collapse and you know nobody's perfect but such failures can cost many dream lives!

anyways, I am pretty fine in spite of the stress and the little time to create :)

I am having thousands of ideas, I came with huge spontaneity and enthusiasm and end up the day with tears ready to flow and a pack of doubts...but all in all I have to work & try to remain positive!

and that image of bridge kind of inspired me for a collage/painting, let's think about it :)

many blessings***

Where I belong

Believe that with your feelings and your work you are taking part in the greatest; the more strongly you cultivate this belief, the more will reality and the world go forth from it.
Rainer Maria Rilke

a little pause in my busy(ness)

I so relate to this and wanted to share, this is where I'm heading right now. at peace, or making peace with my fears and doubts.

“4th Agreement: Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz

I will do my best and all I can to build that bridge between dreams and realization ,living the dreams alive before it's too late!
well obviously I am too positive to think it's ever late. we always can change direction and go towards the best for the sake of our soul.

That's why I am getting more and more, I am starting some new ventures that have been on my mind for a while...I hope to be proud of me when I'll look back next year at the day at the same place ;-)

Many blessings***

ps: whatever the failures, acknowledging my fears and lack of self confidence at times doesn't mean I dont believe in my soul!
I will work as hard as I can for pieces of my dreams and I know that this year will just grow busier and busier,also knowing I might start for a baby next autumn/winter...Ok hey I always feel small and scared but I know I can do it,doing my best,giving myself ,being dedicated to it.

I wish I had true friends to hug right now, to feel understood and heard,but nevermind, it takes time to make friends, especially for me :-)

what's going on in the attic of my brain

Oh my Goddess my cat is getting bald!not only because he is losing hairs but because he is sick, poor kitty :(

It saddens me to see the damages, I think we need to buy him something to prevent him from scratching his head!
anyway he has a 5 weeks treatment, hope it'll work!



title: This is not my art!

24x32 cm on paper

It was really fun to do something quite different, though my art has always been whimsy and surreal here it was going on a journey, to see what else could be done, what could teach me and reassure me at the same time.

These are not the colors I am used to use at all!
I rarely use brown and yellow, don't know why, maybe these colors don't touch me.
But seeing this work I cannot imagine another color.

I wanted to do a person with a cloud head for a while.
I collect ideas in a room in my attic brain( kind of cluttered up if you ask ;-)and when I feel kind of lost I go upstairs and pick an idea, remember,try to understand why and art is always the best card to play if I need understanding and solace.

Yet I hated art, my art and everything slowly and secretly for a week or so.
I was getting very cold.
Surely a hoarfrost layer to feel protected inside,knowing quite well that the mess was inside...

the black writing reads: it's sad to know that no one will ever really know me I shall feel eternally alone & so far from being understood...


Because I know it's true. We will never be completely understood, so the better is to work on understanding and knowing ourselves better each day so that we can find ways to comfort ourselves and find the right words and right ways to appease ourselves,to end up saying whatever,you're not alone, I am there, I am in this with you.

I love the words answering to the title, this is not my art...This is my heart.

again it's so true.
If I had to stop art I know how much my heart would ache.
That's the way I live.Art/Heart.
It's an echo, it's maybe the soul sister I have always wanted!

I am glad like a little girl becase I have drawn the cloud and the bird houses yay! ^___^
well let's be honest one looks a bit weird.











and I am improving my drawing style ^__^
I kept being mean to me, yelling at myself silently inside and I really wanted to give up thousand times a day.
Something in me tells me, you want then you will...when there is a will there's a way!

and God knows I have always wanted to know how to draw and paint! that was so important!

as a child anytime I could draw something right it was xmas :D I was happy and twirling and jumping in my fairy skirt ;)

and of course anytime it was shitty, It ended torn in the bin and me crying feeling so good at nothing at all :(

My parents though I love them so much never made me believe I could have a talent or told me showed me how I could trust myself( in this they taught me a lot and I know what I will be careful with when I'll be a mother)

I don't really know why they were this way maybe because they had never believed in their own talents/skills?

They didn't end up doing what they loved. They did what they had to do, they never really chose their life.

But I guess they aren't that unhappy as they can travel around the world and they both have a secure work...it's such a luck knowing how my country is terrible for employement :(

I don't like my first drawings at all! I hate the way they look so childish and yet sometimes I look at paintings of people at flickr & I am touch by the childish feel of them.

but the "Let it Bleed"reassured me(echoing some sad let it be or refering to Tori amos" these precious things let them bleed, let them wash away...)

the idea is moving on, past is past, bygones, grow and renew emotions,no matter what you have to go through again.

There is not life without loving.

This painting was a prepared to be a fiasco! the background was terrible & I wasn't kind to me. But with Patience and courage I went in there, deeply.

I am rarely satisfied with myself. but still I am glad of my two latest works, I know I am on the right path.

“...courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair.”
~ Rollo May
20th Century Existential Psychologist


that's how I think!and I guess I have this courage for there is always still some remains and stains of despair hidden in a room of my soul.

feel I can't even hear my own thoughts...

a sweet assemblage.



I can't hear anything in this weeping forest.
24x32 cm

“A tulip doesn’t strive to impress anyone. It doesn’t struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn’t have to. It is different. And there’s room in the garden for every flower. You didn’t have to struggle to make your face different than anyone else’s on earth. It just is. You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children in kindergarten. They’re all different without trying to be. As long as they’re unselfconsciously being themselves, they can’t help but shine. It’s only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.”
~ Marianne Williamson
21st century spiritual teacher

Life goes on as my veins bleed poems...

I feel so so lately...

Yet I have been so touched by the birthday cards and lovely packages I have received along the week!
It's so wonderful to get surprises!
not that I'm a greedy person but I am a little fae child and yes I adore presents:) opening,trying to guess! it's exciting!

so I guess I don't have the right to say I feel lonely ;)or unloved.
Yet I feel a bit this way.

I feel my sebastien's love, he is so adorable. I love him more and more these days and it's very pleasant and wonderful to feel this way as it hasn't always been that easy(we've been together for 6 years),especially when we more and more think about having a baby.

This yearning is very tearing because though I sell my art I know for now I couldn't support my family this way and it bothers me.
I really want the best for my child, for my family,for us.



this collage is on 30x40 cm canvas and yes I like canvas, but more and more I prefer paper,it's another texture,it's different, I love touching paper and working on it.
I think tomorrow I am going to buy 29x42 cm watercolor paper... I can wait to get used to work on this size of paper!

but yes I know it's expensive and will take a lot more place in the apartment...sighs!

anyways I am not sure what to think about this work. the blue looks more violet deep blue in real and though I painted over a self portrait, I tried to make it look not really like me...
I feel when I look at it that there is a religious or mystic dimension to it though I did not think about that at all.

First of all I wanted to talk about feeling lost on this blue ball,lost in space and time, needing to feel home,to find the place to hide, the place I feel real,so alive and can wish upon a star.

Stars are a recurent element in my work, I love that shape, I love the metaphore(s) of stars,what they can mean and represent & here I have made a different style of stars.

I don't feel I have succeed in expressing my thoughts in this work.
I feel mute in my art lately.
Maybe a week without making anything got me a bit confused on how to go back into my world,my very own dimension?

I know I still have so much to say, but it just does not come out.
and this generates anger,negative feelings and coldness...I am tired.
I guess I should talk about this coldness I hate.

It's this typical feeling that makes me want to lock all the doors to my soul.

I am not defined as someone cold, I am often seen as sweet,lovely,spontaneous etc but I really can sense that coldness.

There is few people who got me mellow :sebastien and Takun:)
oh and of course anytime I see another kittie or a baby in the street:)

yesterday I was listening to a little boy talking to his mother about his sport class and it was so cute, I wished it happened to me one day.
Only the idea of living this,having a conversation with my boy or little girl, is some kind of a dream...

I was wishing " oh God make them be good person!"

I would certainly die if I 'create' a person like alexis...

I really want my children to be good respectul and kind hearted persons... I know it's a parents role,but it doesn't make it all.

My parents are wonderful people and they brought a. to this world.



I have made several small collages,I created along this week with a bad feeling of emptiness, missing pieces you know.

Yet I know myself and I love myself but I felt there was something wrong again.

I keep repeating myself I have to work, I want to be able to draw faces I can like,that have expressions,that show feelings then I have to try and try again...not just want to give up like a child all the time.

I am so boring sometimes! it's amazing!

I finally decided to go back for more collage work because I really needed some comfort,a consolation to feel I exist I am not nothing at all.

I like this collage but I still feel this feeling of imperfection,uncompleteness,disatisfaction...It's still not enough to appease me.

so this weekend I will have to work a lot more!
I have to challenge myself, I don't know, I have to open some forgotten doors, destroy some lying windows, I dont know, maybe tear some pieces of my skies, burn parts of my garden, I need action,creation...

I'm still often torn between two voices, the one who yell at me and tell me to give up and the other one who fight with light and still want to create because it's her only way to feel heard.

under each dark window there is a word: weakness and sadness.
on the butterfly is written "protect the heart"

all around I have written improvisation of thoughts in French:

I have drenched my wings to every despair I have bleed the esteem wanting so much to believe it's in the core of my veins that poetry entwine to molasses and dreams, a touch of light,what do they see through the windows of my soul when the doors call for me...I am afraid I am afraid the din of the hands reminds me I have to live, draw the curtains unveil my tears( meaning tearings not crying)so that I'll be feed with flowers here and now before my tomb my garden is so wide it still grows( in French there is a pun with croit that could mean believe and grow at the same time)and you even haven't yet seen my sky...

I guess it's me talking to me:)

so well life goes on...to be continued...

blessings & namasté

Okay let's take some risks & see if my work can find a home

available here

and I'm 28...

title: I've chosen freedom

I'm uploading lots of photos from my holidays in Chamonix,mont blanc.

I am feeling very exhausted due to a 24h + migraine =((

I can't wait to feel all energetic again ^_^



we had a nice time there except for the fact I had to bear a( which accessorily is my
youngest brother but who I don't consider my bro at all for the many terrible things he had done and the way he behaves, the way he talks to my parents etc...and I hate having to talk about him so basta!)

I have one sister Melanie and one brother François that I care about and it's enough! a. is a but a mistake to me and I came back home almost crying because of him and the way things are and the fact I feel I have to flee my parents because accepting to see them often means accepting the whole package : a. is only 16 so they have to bear him some more years alas :(

so now I am even thinking of maybe moving away, not closer to my parents...
it's a sad choice but no one can imagine what we have lived, I know it's past but a.'s behaviour and selfish manipulative and egocentric attitude hasn't change!

God! my parents give him everything and more than I've ever had at his age and he talks to them like to dogs you know!
Don't say it's adolescence,a. has always been an horrible heartless person!
and I swear to God that he is what worries me about having kids, he often made me feel scared because he is the saddest example of what having kids can be...truly awful!

well he generates too many negative waves in me, so I stop now and I won't talk about him again!

but except that he was present there, we had lots of laugthers :) I felt so much closer to Sébastien <3 it was really lovely to have this time for ourselves there without anything else:)

We had lots of nice walks in the city and around the city, we even went ice skating ,ahah quite funny! ^____^
I was so ill at ease I wanted to go!!! I felt like a little girl!
"no I can't I am too scared I want to leave I feel stupid"
but sebastien helped me and I remembered how to skate :o)

it was such a lovely sensation!! Now we just have to find a ice skating place here near where we live for I really want to skate again!!!we laught so much but we didn't fall ;)

we went to tea room and eat delicious things:)We also went to the restaurant to eat the delicious specialities of the place and it was really delicious!!

we went in a small train in the mountain to see the ice sea:) and there was lot of snow there whereas this year there was none in the city!

global warming and all that things I guess...sad indeed...





Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman


and my soul is so far away from wrinkling ahah ;) I may have some nasty white hair and lots of expressive wrinkles but I feel alive I feel I have lived a lot for I have love a lot, given and created and shared so much!

I also am quite lucky for I have already travelled a lot in many ways and I have been able to see a lot of difference and learn so much thanks to this trips may they be real or spiritual,creative travels etc

I am also more aware than ever about the energy that we share that we can give or receive and this makes life more alive more interesting and always more enthusiastic!

My spontaneity always takes me there, to the place I feel home, to the place I feel the world is mine ;-) and anything is possible

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

ahah then I'll ever be a fae child at heart. I think it's so vital to grow and gather lots of knowledge, new things always and take care of the old, entertain them,work them out to bloom always and at the same time to keep laughing for anything, whatever!
to do the things we want to do never claiming were too old for such things!
I sometimes write my paper diary and I laugh at myself because I often sound so cute like a teen you know, but I think those sensitivity,those emotions don't change so much.

I am quite sure that age is also in the mind.
I am so freer than when I was 18 anyways ^_^
yet it doesn't sound so far away inside of me, sometimes I feel I haven't changed so much and yet I have evolved so much, I am the same and not the same person at the same time.

I dreamt about someone who was dear to me and who left me after my 21 years young bday, I was meeting her and she was rather glad to see me again!

but I cried telling her " why now? my God!.... it's been 7 years now! why did you leave without saying goodbye?"
I was so sad and so angry at her.

I don't want to write her name because I feel it's not right to give so much importance to someone who hurt you. Yet my wise me knows she didn't do it on purpose, maybe she had reasons, maybe she thought I didn't care about her,so many maybes...

I think it's time for me to make an artwork about how I feel, I think I can't express that sadness because it always turns into anger in me. I just cannot stand abandon because I have lived and relived this a lot in my life.
Maybe I always was too dramatic and took things way too personaly I know that too.
Knowing doesn't heal but will the because heal me for good?

I don't even know. I wish it could.
I feel bad bearing a grudge and feeling sorry about this deep inside of me and for so many years. I know it's not right!

I don't know if people act this way about Love. That must be even worse when you can heal from a Love because you cannot start a new one till you finally burry things right and forgive, express all the emotions about that end...

I don't bear grudges about my ex lovers ahah but I am glad they left me ahah ^____^

My sebastien offered me a beautiful bag for my bday and he went this morning to buy delicious cakes:)

I have also already received along this week some pretty bday cards, ecards and lovely packages!

I am very grateful for this!

Everyone is the age of their heart. ~Guatemalan Proverb

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning

I love that one I think it's so true :) I have still so many things to live and discover =) like pregnancy, being a mother!!!

I am quite excited for this adventure, maybe this year in late autumn or winter if things are fine! let's hope let's hope!!!

We turn not older with years, but newer every day. ~Emily Dickinson


Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.

Rainer Maria Rilke


I still have many questions but I am also living in some answers and for this I am grateful!



this collage will be finished today hopefully:)