dimanche 11 mars 2007
and I'm 28...
title: I've chosen freedom
I'm uploading lots of photos from my holidays in Chamonix,mont blanc.
I am feeling very exhausted due to a 24h + migraine =((
I can't wait to feel all energetic again ^_^
we had a nice time there except for the fact I had to bear a( which accessorily is my
youngest brother but who I don't consider my bro at all for the many terrible things he had done and the way he behaves, the way he talks to my parents etc...and I hate having to talk about him so basta!)
I have one sister Melanie and one brother François that I care about and it's enough! a. is a but a mistake to me and I came back home almost crying because of him and the way things are and the fact I feel I have to flee my parents because accepting to see them often means accepting the whole package : a. is only 16 so they have to bear him some more years alas :(
so now I am even thinking of maybe moving away, not closer to my parents...
it's a sad choice but no one can imagine what we have lived, I know it's past but a.'s behaviour and selfish manipulative and egocentric attitude hasn't change!
God! my parents give him everything and more than I've ever had at his age and he talks to them like to dogs you know!
Don't say it's adolescence,a. has always been an horrible heartless person!
and I swear to God that he is what worries me about having kids, he often made me feel scared because he is the saddest example of what having kids can be...truly awful!
well he generates too many negative waves in me, so I stop now and I won't talk about him again!
but except that he was present there, we had lots of laugthers :) I felt so much closer to Sébastien <3 it was really lovely to have this time for ourselves there without anything else:)
We had lots of nice walks in the city and around the city, we even went ice skating ,ahah quite funny! ^____^
I was so ill at ease I wanted to go!!! I felt like a little girl!
"no I can't I am too scared I want to leave I feel stupid"
but sebastien helped me and I remembered how to skate :o)
it was such a lovely sensation!! Now we just have to find a ice skating place here near where we live for I really want to skate again!!!we laught so much but we didn't fall ;)
we went to tea room and eat delicious things:)We also went to the restaurant to eat the delicious specialities of the place and it was really delicious!!
we went in a small train in the mountain to see the ice sea:) and there was lot of snow there whereas this year there was none in the city!
global warming and all that things I guess...sad indeed...
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain
Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman
and my soul is so far away from wrinkling ahah ;) I may have some nasty white hair and lots of expressive wrinkles but I feel alive I feel I have lived a lot for I have love a lot, given and created and shared so much!
I also am quite lucky for I have already travelled a lot in many ways and I have been able to see a lot of difference and learn so much thanks to this trips may they be real or spiritual,creative travels etc
I am also more aware than ever about the energy that we share that we can give or receive and this makes life more alive more interesting and always more enthusiastic!
My spontaneity always takes me there, to the place I feel home, to the place I feel the world is mine ;-) and anything is possible
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
ahah then I'll ever be a fae child at heart. I think it's so vital to grow and gather lots of knowledge, new things always and take care of the old, entertain them,work them out to bloom always and at the same time to keep laughing for anything, whatever!
to do the things we want to do never claiming were too old for such things!
I sometimes write my paper diary and I laugh at myself because I often sound so cute like a teen you know, but I think those sensitivity,those emotions don't change so much.
I am quite sure that age is also in the mind.
I am so freer than when I was 18 anyways ^_^
yet it doesn't sound so far away inside of me, sometimes I feel I haven't changed so much and yet I have evolved so much, I am the same and not the same person at the same time.
I dreamt about someone who was dear to me and who left me after my 21 years young bday, I was meeting her and she was rather glad to see me again!
but I cried telling her " why now? my God!.... it's been 7 years now! why did you leave without saying goodbye?"
I was so sad and so angry at her.
I don't want to write her name because I feel it's not right to give so much importance to someone who hurt you. Yet my wise me knows she didn't do it on purpose, maybe she had reasons, maybe she thought I didn't care about her,so many maybes...
I think it's time for me to make an artwork about how I feel, I think I can't express that sadness because it always turns into anger in me. I just cannot stand abandon because I have lived and relived this a lot in my life.
Maybe I always was too dramatic and took things way too personaly I know that too.
Knowing doesn't heal but will the because heal me for good?
I don't even know. I wish it could.
I feel bad bearing a grudge and feeling sorry about this deep inside of me and for so many years. I know it's not right!
I don't know if people act this way about Love. That must be even worse when you can heal from a Love because you cannot start a new one till you finally burry things right and forgive, express all the emotions about that end...
I don't bear grudges about my ex lovers ahah but I am glad they left me ahah ^____^
My sebastien offered me a beautiful bag for my bday and he went this morning to buy delicious cakes:)
I have also already received along this week some pretty bday cards, ecards and lovely packages!
I am very grateful for this!
Everyone is the age of their heart. ~Guatemalan Proverb
Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning
I love that one I think it's so true :) I have still so many things to live and discover =) like pregnancy, being a mother!!!
I am quite excited for this adventure, maybe this year in late autumn or winter if things are fine! let's hope let's hope!!!
We turn not older with years, but newer every day. ~Emily Dickinson
Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.
Rainer Maria Rilke
I still have many questions but I am also living in some answers and for this I am grateful!
this collage will be finished today hopefully:)