lundi 26 mars 2007
And God(dess) made me a loner
this is my first 29,7x42 cm on watercolor paper,I love the texture of this paper!
I LOVE paper! and brushes! <3
So the theme here was one of my phobia: speaking in public(glossophobia), it has always been this way, I am very weak when I have to be listened by an audience, I am all stressed out.
the little panels have the words :Les mots that means The words but could also be a pun and mean les maux= the aches.
I have tried to improve my drawing and she was nice without the painting and now I can only say I am working and I will improve, still the most important is to enjoy the learning, the path to this ;-)
(mine on the left ,hers on the right)
Today I give my first mixed media class to Isabelle who came to me via internet because she loved mixed media and saw my website.
She asked me if I gave mixed media classes because she wanted to learn and become an artist too because she feels it's her calling and her job depresses her.
We emailed each other for several weeks, maybe a month, can't remember, and I invited her for a free mixed media class :-)
It was really great ^___^
(these are self portrait I was in the mood to take right after Isabelle left)
I am a very introverted fae child. I don't go much towards people. I dont know if I fear rejection,for I accept and understand that not everyone will love me ;-)
but I haven't had any friends around that I could meet in person since ages!
It's so weird and all new to me ;-)
Too bad I met Isabelle when it's surely my last months in Cambrai, then I'll be even further away from her.
She lives about 40 minutes from here.
We chatted a lot maybe she more than I because I also love silences, I am used to silence and its beauty. Silences shared are wonderful too.
Especially when you're deeply concentrate on your work:)
To be honest I had a hard time concentrate on my art and teaching her, helping her, showing her how to make backgrounds and things like that!
But I am quite glad about her collages!
I guess it shows that she has a real talent , imagination and creativity to be an artist and also that I was a good teacher ^__^
so I feel happy and reassured:)
Now I am motivated for other free mixedmedia class before asking for money for them :-)
I will offer that at the mixed media forum:)
I feel so tired, maybe is it the change of hour but I LOVE the fact it's clear late (is it English???well I mean that I dont like the winter hour and when it's dark at 4 O clock :)
I love the idea of having made a friend that made me smile a lot :)
I then offered her one of my collages, asking her which one she preferred and she insisted to give one of hers as a trade :)
We could talk a lot because we have many similarities,many same flaws ;-)
She had brought some of her art book that were very nice and it tempts me a lot!
I haven't been able to buy any art book ever!
It's also because I prefer spending money on art material and because there are so many books I dont know which one to choose ;-)
Hey you !who reads me( if there is anyone at all) could you advice me the book, zine or magazine I really have to have right now, that could developpe my creativity and spark my imagination, oh and make me dream and smile :)
I think I am going to go to bed early for this day was a lot of emotions and stress, I feel drained ;-)
But really that makes me want to socialize more & meet people!
I just often feel afraid to be disapointed & hurt others, but I told myself I have the right not to love everyone not to feel interested or even to be bored!
I just know that a new born friendship is fragile and that it will take some time to be sure it can last for ever, it's fragile because it needs to be taken care ,it needs to be wanted both sides and worked both sides...It's a sharing, a giving...
Now I really want to thank Isabelle for finding me and for making this possible because I kind of surprised!
Helene inviting a friend at home o_____O it's just so amazing ahah...
Now Tomorrow I have an important apointement for my artist path, my career ;-) ,my future and I will be again so very stressed ahah
just as if I liked that!!
But it will be interesting,it will help me a lot and I have to be confident!
I dont know why I dreamt of a peacock last night, I was taking pictures of it, and then it was running fiercely towards me but passes aside.
I search in the dream dictionnary, it talks about vanity and failures when we get too self assured etc
but Goddess this is not me at all!
Of course I trust my art, but I am not vain or think I am as flamboyant and amazing as the peacock...
but sure I want to be gazed at like a peacock, with its magnificent colors!
I adore peacocks, they are so beautiful,I am amazed by the colors of such animals!
Maybe it just mean I want to exist, be taken seriously,succeed on my artist path etc etc
But all in all I want to do something good, I want to be useful in some ways,bring some kind of happiness/love to others and I know there are so many for this...
and God made me a loner...