what's going on in the attic of my brain

Oh my Goddess my cat is getting bald!not only because he is losing hairs but because he is sick, poor kitty :(

It saddens me to see the damages, I think we need to buy him something to prevent him from scratching his head!
anyway he has a 5 weeks treatment, hope it'll work!



title: This is not my art!

24x32 cm on paper

It was really fun to do something quite different, though my art has always been whimsy and surreal here it was going on a journey, to see what else could be done, what could teach me and reassure me at the same time.

These are not the colors I am used to use at all!
I rarely use brown and yellow, don't know why, maybe these colors don't touch me.
But seeing this work I cannot imagine another color.

I wanted to do a person with a cloud head for a while.
I collect ideas in a room in my attic brain( kind of cluttered up if you ask ;-)and when I feel kind of lost I go upstairs and pick an idea, remember,try to understand why and art is always the best card to play if I need understanding and solace.

Yet I hated art, my art and everything slowly and secretly for a week or so.
I was getting very cold.
Surely a hoarfrost layer to feel protected inside,knowing quite well that the mess was inside...

the black writing reads: it's sad to know that no one will ever really know me I shall feel eternally alone & so far from being understood...


Because I know it's true. We will never be completely understood, so the better is to work on understanding and knowing ourselves better each day so that we can find ways to comfort ourselves and find the right words and right ways to appease ourselves,to end up saying whatever,you're not alone, I am there, I am in this with you.

I love the words answering to the title, this is not my art...This is my heart.

again it's so true.
If I had to stop art I know how much my heart would ache.
That's the way I live.Art/Heart.
It's an echo, it's maybe the soul sister I have always wanted!

I am glad like a little girl becase I have drawn the cloud and the bird houses yay! ^___^
well let's be honest one looks a bit weird.











and I am improving my drawing style ^__^
I kept being mean to me, yelling at myself silently inside and I really wanted to give up thousand times a day.
Something in me tells me, you want then you will...when there is a will there's a way!

and God knows I have always wanted to know how to draw and paint! that was so important!

as a child anytime I could draw something right it was xmas :D I was happy and twirling and jumping in my fairy skirt ;)

and of course anytime it was shitty, It ended torn in the bin and me crying feeling so good at nothing at all :(

My parents though I love them so much never made me believe I could have a talent or told me showed me how I could trust myself( in this they taught me a lot and I know what I will be careful with when I'll be a mother)

I don't really know why they were this way maybe because they had never believed in their own talents/skills?

They didn't end up doing what they loved. They did what they had to do, they never really chose their life.

But I guess they aren't that unhappy as they can travel around the world and they both have a secure work...it's such a luck knowing how my country is terrible for employement :(

I don't like my first drawings at all! I hate the way they look so childish and yet sometimes I look at paintings of people at flickr & I am touch by the childish feel of them.

but the "Let it Bleed"reassured me(echoing some sad let it be or refering to Tori amos" these precious things let them bleed, let them wash away...)

the idea is moving on, past is past, bygones, grow and renew emotions,no matter what you have to go through again.

There is not life without loving.

This painting was a prepared to be a fiasco! the background was terrible & I wasn't kind to me. But with Patience and courage I went in there, deeply.

I am rarely satisfied with myself. but still I am glad of my two latest works, I know I am on the right path.

“...courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair.”
~ Rollo May
20th Century Existential Psychologist


that's how I think!and I guess I have this courage for there is always still some remains and stains of despair hidden in a room of my soul.