Allow me to share the Rock Garden spot with you please...

Our bodies are our gardens to which our wills are gardeners.

William Shakespeare



However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. God will see that you do want society.

Henry David Thoreau

Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade.

Rudyard Kipling

A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.

James Allen

Close your eyes and envision yourself entering
the colorful and fragrant gardens of your mind and heart.
What do you see?


That is the spiritual exercise of today at virtual circle by Mich.

Yes I know we have to be positive,closing our eyes and focuse on the beauties, the colorful flowers, the lovely scents under my skins, the new branches ,the magical lights, the sweet buds always growing in my heart...

But pretty please do let me talk about the rock garden, this dreary place, I need it so bad, I tried to engulf this need to vent in listening and helping others but I still have my own little blue phase to spit out...





It's what is under the skin...when you get this emotion wave, you don't really know how it happens...it's just little things, some frustrations, some time focusing on the missing parts and verging doubts again

Is this all real or all for nothing?

on time like these I think about life, time,death, and I feel scared because I grab that possibility I'm going to die...hopefully later would be better, as later as can be;)

I can scratch under my skin and I sense the remains of darkness
As I was saying to a lovely soul sun doesn't go without the rain, life without death,bliss without sorrows ,it's all ONE
united, we have to balance maybe in accepting those phases...
yeah no fun that's why I'm complaining here today =^____^=

so there is a small alley to that garden it's kind of a charcoal mollasses alley so when you walk barefoot like I love to( Yes not now fuck the weather!!! so damn cold I am freezing cold and yes I need to complain about this too:p)
Because the weather gives me pain, I have raynaud disease and so my fingers get achy,itchy and swollen in the cold seasons and it gets me all grumpy!!

Because Yes I NEED my hands! and right now I am wearing a glove at least at the right hand because it can not warm up :((( its dying it seems eeeek)

okok I know some people have worse disease and my little suffering is cat peepee but hey I just need to vent, it's frustrating that's all...

I will soon crawl under emails and everyone will think I am a bad friend and don't give a damn about them because I can't reply much,I type thanks to a pencils on the keyboard to rest my swollen bent fingers:((

(poor helenina you're so boring)
Let's go back to the garden will you?

there is a very old dead oak,it's huge black and dead scary
kind of like in snowwhite
it looks like a sad angry face:P
But I'm not scared I'm trying to be numb:P


then of course rocks everywhere, the sky is grey, there are big dark clouds, don't mess with them for if they rain on you they might curse you for a while ^___^ahah

you can see ravens and grinning bats
a place for Halloween...
I hang out there with Jack skellington,he sometimes tries to cheer me up...
but he also tells me everytime" you have to draw these characters,you're own characters so they'll cheer you better than I can"

I am thinking of it Jack thinking of it...

I thank everyone who reads my words, who loves me for me, I thank everyone who takes time for their comments, really it always makes me smile and please me to know I can inspire,do something good in spite of it all...
thank you for your kindness and friendship means so much to me!
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy: They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
Marcel Proust

this quote is for you!

Some of you have that magical power to make grow some special roses in my rock garden, doesn't last but it's lovely this power you have with your unconditionnal friendship!
that what is rare
dont call me idealist you who don't believe in true friends anymore!

I do believe in unconditionnal love, because I do give it.

we all have failures anyways so if there were always strings attached it would be so boring!
and I am here for FUN!
Let's go Glamour bombing this greyness aaaaaaaargh

(...) I am thinking.

I hate to dwell too long in the rock garden, but well I'm just there to tidy the mess I left...
a bit muddy but it can overflood in my soul garden, the sweeter one if I deny it so I'm just here for a walk and showing you around.



all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.

Dale Carnegie

Love that quote,so true
I know what made me go back to the rock Garden, the feeling of being useless,of doubting,of being poor
yes she has internet computer a car a home how can she say she's poor...
screw those assumptions,please...
I am aware there are poorer than we are.
I don't deny my luck.
But I don't deny that sometimes yes it pisses me off, I don't really need money what I need is to feel independent,less ashamed of living on survival mode financially
I don't need to buy much, I just want to stop being on allocation( kind of welfare).

I can't wait for this!
I can't wait to just handle it all alone,if only my love could find a job, if only we could find this apartment and be in a city where things are more alive,more dynamic...

oh God!

I want to go back to bed and eat lots of yummy chocolate before silly movies,love comedies, or I dont adam sandler or ben stiller come and save meeeeeeeee!
(laughing drama queen o_____O)

I'm so bad company and it's been like this since friday:P
I'm smiling and laughing at times Hey I am not depressed!

I strangle anyone who would dare call me like that:P
I dare you!
(kidding)
just that I've got the bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuues

maybe I should vlog singing the blues with my silliness who knows
I am way too ugly today:P

so yes I caught myself dreaming of magical rose garden at the horizon and forget the one nearby or inside of me...
so cruel,so stupid...

I just wish things were easier.
where is my happy face gone???
if you find it send it back to me!!!!

one week ago I was so BLESSED really, on the verge of tears moved by all the love I receive, all the beauty in my life,how can I deny this now???

NO
Of course not.

don't deny it.
Just focuse on the dark roots, the rock garden and the places that wants some lights, the broken parts...

I also think sometimes it's an ego problem and that I don't feel that loved and cared about?
and the second after I know it's not that because whatever the comments and kind emails I could receive I am drenched in that MOOD right now.

why questionning everything after all?

It's just a meandering in the rock garden, maybe to remember what was, to remember all the things I still have to work out, to improve, to heal?

perhaps.

Is it just loneliness?
I sometimes feel awfully selfish, I miss receiving letters in my letter box,real paper things you know, with ink...but then I know I have some letters at home which need a reply and I am here begging when I don't even find the time to write back.
silly me!
off with my head!


This morning something truly cheered me up, takun and Mayu were like hugging one another on seb's lap and Mayu licked Takun
:o)
crazy but so sweet!
and yesterday she cheered me up again when I played with her because she's totally crazy like me =^__^=

I love her, I really don't know if I'll be able to part with her even if seb still says it s not sensible, we can't afford two cats...
I don't want to feel guilty about this...

I am happy to have two kitties and to have my sebastien ^_^
I think that for whoever who feels really blue pets are wonderful companions
especially cats, they are fairies best friends they are understanding,funny ,cuddly(not always for Takun but with a lil help ' come here you furry ball :D mwahaahaha it works;)

sighs...
My soul garden is feeling the season change so my big sensitivity make me feel a little wave of mood swings
sorry if I am not the greatest friend lately...

sighs...

When I am like that I remain open like waiting
I know things won't stand still and I won't remain all alone in the cold mist of the rock garden! no way!
there will be zephyrs, rainbows which will make me swirl out of this!

and if it's not you, you or you ,it will be Me!
I can find the way out always,it's me who dragged myself there!

as I am talking/venting I see paintings in my mind
wish they could just appear before me but hell no I need the pleasure!
the discovery
the soothing consolation of the paper ,paint and brush alchemic completion( is that English?)
It is WHAT I need right now...


Maybe I am fussing around, worrying for some things I don't have much power about.
I am working, searching for apartment ,phoning etc and seb is searching for a job
what else can be done?

I am also putting lots of ads to do some little jobs...
Do you want me to come do your ironing?

(laughing)
I can do that pretty well though I never do it, seb and I aren't fussy about perfect straight shirts and pants mwahahahhahaha we don't give a damn ^___^





those pictures of stéphanie I recently edited go well with my current mood.
But I don't want to cry, just need to express the emotions without that boring and waste of energy that are tears.

During depression I used to cry so much Oh MY!
I mean I am quite sure I have cried enough for years now, so now I would only shed a tears for bliss and love but I know of course the serious things that could make me cry but it won't happen now so do give me rest and some serenity!

I want to cry in painting
I want to reconnect my souls to my broken soul sisters, who surely experience worse pain than I do right now.
Of course no pain except the achy fingers, I am fine =^_^=

so... what do I see...

I see waste lands.arid planes.some wells of memories not to throw coins for wishes at all...
but when I scream there the echo back is hard to bear.
I see pieces of inner war.
ruins.

the only flowers there are thistles, I love their colors...

wish I could see the other parts of my Garden...I know it's the balance...
I know I can make it again ,reconnect and say to myself it's ok you're not perfect
it's ok you're not making a wages now
It's not as if you were not doing anything and living in idleness.
I have to make grow a hedge or wild roses to join both parts of my soul garden...but yes of course you will certainly find me wondering there once in a while...I'm living according to seasons and though I have learnt to love them all and see each of their different beauty ,I can't wait for Springtime :D( well well not sure helenina springtime means turning 29, very tragic sighs, I am not ready for that, give me my 10 years old springtime God!!!!!!!)



I did this picture of Mady and cassandre( sisters) to portray the violence of women between them.
It's so awful and so sad to witness this.
It's so amazing how much energy some women can find to dishonour another one!
such a waste of time...


click to see it bigger;)

this painting is called "you're not alone anymore"
I was feeling great on the 6/7 october when I did it.
I was feeling so complete with my different personas, at peace and not alone really.
I was loved inside out.
by me,by others.

I still am but you know sometimes you get emotional and lonely and wonder if people still care about you.
It happens that I worry not as much as before :P ahah

so yes this little doll is not alone anymore, come what may she has her super voodoo dolls to protect and save her anytime she needs :-)
it s true I am not alone even when I think I am.
It just requires a bit of an effort to bend on the brighter side and share and love and give again and smile in the mirror sing and dance and the shadows will disappear as they arrived :P



title: Ici et maintenant, which means here and Now

this is a very Carpediem positive vibes filled painting ^_^and I love it
her face is not very pretty but the colors are yummy and elegant & I love the bits of the message of this painting:

"This is Here and Now that you Become Yourself Here & Now that you take the decision to Live & Love
I want you to Remember the Reasons to be Beautiful & sprinkle this Unique Fairy dust of your Soul"

okay Madame! ( pouts at herself) I will try if I can catch some fairy dust left around...


another cutie pie, yes it's a self portrait( laughing at me) mwhahhahhahaha

nevermind your mean mocking Adah(note for those who don't know her she's part of my personality ^___^;;) I still love it :P

it was my lovely idea of Happiness
I loathe the word happiness doesn't mean anything much to me, dont believe in absolute happiness , I don't know,it's something silly to me...
so whenever I am asked what s your idea of Happiness I find myself short of words...a bit mute

I don't believe in Happiness.

There is to me a huge difference between Happiness and Bliss
not necessarily religious, maybe Happiness is more religious, like find happiness do good and God will give it back to you!
don't surely agree as like tori amos says:


“You know that saying, bad things don’t happen to good people?. That’s a lie.”(tori amos)

of course when I remember the poor ginger kitty's pain, God he was just a tiny animal ,innocent and sweet.
I think of those people who torture,hurt,abuse animals, may they be pets or endangered species or even the animals we eat(I am neo veggie eat fish but Rarely other animals)the way they can be treated sometimes or the unhuman way they can be killed to be better food, that's not right!

but it could be called hypocrite to say so as I won't go vegan.
It's an extremism I don't fancy much,I can understand.
I do love animals very much.
but I welcome everyone whatever their diet is.

But to come back to torture on animals I am sure those people curse their karma and they will have to grow through these things they've done, they will live it too so I truly pity them.



title:Can you decipher my own voice in the din

just me talking to you, to them, to my love, to God, to Goddess ,to whoever is watching, reading,listening and hearing my soul...


so many people speak, so many beauties,so many artists, so many talents, so many things to love to do to share, so little time, so hard to find a style, to feel unique, to show you are different...
sometimes it feels like people admire so many people that you wonder if your own voice can be heard, if you are a real artist too, if you are as interesting as other, all the things you can be...
I was wondering.

I do believe in my uniqueness. no worries with that.
I hope you feel it too ;)
the words written in gold on it are:

"For goddess sake don't let anyone tell you that you're not enough
there will always be someone out there to try to ruin your poetic terrorism
who are they to tell you who or what you are
When you have time to find other's fault
it means that you haven t yet made peace with yourself
and I am sorry for you"




here is my Ode à la petite Muse Cordelia

cordayrox at youtube

Cordelia is an inspiring sweetness and I'm very happy I found her:)
I am quite sure she must inspire and make smile a lot of person and it's great for her ^_^
I wanted to paint her and without a real photo of her with her face that way it was rather difficult but I'm rather glad of the result:-)
she is a musical mermaid princess :)
and I thank her for being a little Muse :)


just a cute postcard


another art postcard


Lately I saw that again, Lack of Respect of people for Gaia

I was in my car coming back from errands and a man quietly throw a wrapping paper by his window and on purpose because the paper sort of wanting to come back in and he had to put his hand more outside...I was like that o______O

I didn't do anything
but I was angry.
I was bothering quiet even tempered sebastien about it
"look the man!!!! I cant believe this I can't believe this!!!!"
God I should have walked out of my car put the warnings ,go fetch that damn wrapping and knock knock on his window and say:
"sorry but seems like you've forgotten something, what do you tell to your children that they can throw rubbish everywhere and that if everyone would do that we would happily swim in rubbish lands? would you enjoy to find before your door or in your garden many wrapping paper like that???"

God I would have thrown some evil spells like that mwahgahahhhaha
wrapping paper falling in the chimney, in the garage, in his trunk when he opens it mwahahhahahah, under his pillow, in the bathroom

these people need some education for Goddess'sake
and call me psycho for Environment,say that it's nothing at all
I dont agree!
It's the roots, the beginning
It bothers me to witness this because I can't believe this lack of respect of people.
I just don't understand this.

whatever.
all I can do from now is walk out with a dirt bag to collect all the things people throw on the ground.

It's all linked to a lack of a care,a lack of love and a lack of awareness,such egocentrism in individualism...



and this my fav last painting:)

My army of Poetic Terrorists
I have begun my recruiting so please do send me your resume and application and I'll see what I can do for you ;)
(smiles)

It would be so good if we'd all unite in this,in sharing poetic terrorism, in sharing empathy,good vibes, free hugs for everyone
stop envying, stop faking things, stop wanting what others have and think you don't , stop hating women because they are not like you or don't think like you do,stop being so full of yourself that your poor head can't pass the doors, poor you,stop self centeredness isolation, join my crew!
let's love, let's make others feel good, feel heard and understood
we're so alike if we want to see and acknowledge this

all unique but so similar.
we have the same worries at times, the same doubts, the same silliness, we all have our mood swings,our beauties and sparks to share...


she's got the om (aum) sign on her shirt.
there is the lotus that represents to me the sweetness of being alive and connected to other souls.It expresses purity of the soul. inner peace.
the lotus could also to me represent the anahata shakra
a lotus that can be opened or closed, ready to give, or that need to protect itself.

the fairy voodoo dolls here are Hope, love and share, but there are more of them
just that it's a 23x31cm water color paper sheet.

;)

the titled head is inviting,gentle, whenever I bend my head it's with love sweetness or with a loving sighs
looking at my cats for instance ^____^boring helenina in love with cats ^_^
well not only
I love titled head, the bending is like showing trust, offering,welcoming
I love this.

well now, maybe I could smile,tilt my head a bit,meditative and see if I can enter the flowery part of my soul garden...
let me try...
no no hard to focuse, I feel better to have written lots & shared my thoughts and feeling of the day.

I am more than my emotions of today of course.

Now I need to paint paint paint till the day I die( laughing)

my darling sebastien went to fetch some delights to eat tea, chocolate chocolate chocolate!!!
it's the only truth whenever you feel blue ^_______^
sighs, I am lucky to have an understanding lover.
He always bears with my soul and mood swings.

I guess my friends know my garden flowers and fragrances so it was perhaps interesting to show them what they can't always notice about it

warm blessings to all,thank you for being patient with busy moody me, thank you for your comments it always makes me smile & I'll cheer myself with going to Disneyland this weekend with my parents I don't pay as my cousin works there of course!
But as I never can allow some interesting going outs due to financial shit it's good to do this now :-) will be funny cool Halloween time :)

and to conclude boring me needs to promote:

Love my work/ support me:



Blessed be & namasté