dimanche 6 mai 2007

Catching carrying taking the time

unhappy girl

Thank you for the comments and emails full of kindness!
It's always so sweet to feel some Empathy coming back to us...

I have spent an awful weekend so far ^____^comme ça c'est clair! ;)

Got a mean migraine that just made me feel more grumpy(if possible?)and complaining!
Goddess I can see myself out of me looking at me and wanting to strangle this boring girl!
But of course being angry at me did not help very much...

So I did nothing, had to catch upon emails but really I can't.
It's lovely to receive many emails and some are very long, and I am interested, but I also receive letters and I am a bit overtaken by the events really...too much to think too much to do too much

I wanted to cry also for this because I feel some new friends get bored about my "busyness"& I so understand them, I used to be so angry at people for hiding behind the excuses of the hectic life not to reply not to care and finally I am entering there

it's sad really
I love my friends, I love to share and I still do it

I hope with time to find connection with friends who can accept me totally as I am because yes I know it's not easy...

yes I know

here that was me in pain, not necessarily pretty but I like it anyways...we all feel pain it's a sensation that is rather taboo to show,to portray...
we'd rather stay tough chin up and do as if,behave as if, act as if...

I do as is.
I am not ashamed of anything.

I m still sorry to know I won't be able to do all the things I want to.
My life will just get busier and even if it works it'll get busier and busier

Do I like this idea?
to some extent, I have often felt busy since I opened my artist's path because it was awful full of buds of ideas blooming here and there and always something to look forward on my long list of ideas of artworks and themes to work on.

I try my best anyways to keep on replying each emails ^_^
even if it has to take ages!

But for the letters the more I think the more I feel lucid about it and that really frustrates me, maybe I can find penfriends who dont mind receiving a letter after two or three months? ;)

The most important is to share something real with no pressure,not forcing oneself to please others.
I hope this "busyness" won't take me to more isolation as I am opening and trying to make new soul sisters for a long time ^_^;;
Because I am really happy for the connections I have had lately, they have made me smile, made me feel better, made me want to give :)

Well maybe I can finally be organized and give some time to all that matters in my existence ;)
I will never ever deny the most important: Love, family and friends.

stop running after time you carry it with you

This is my latest artwork : Stop running after time ,you carry it with you

40x50cm

on the left in the poppies I have written an undecipherable text:
"stop running after time, you carry it with you"
told me an inside voice
what if I stopped worrying about being late
about wasting time & just enjoying the moment for once...
Perhaps it is true & time is just Love & with an ocean Heart we have eons to Live...



I could have written more but maybe one day I'll write all over the canvas:)

I am so glad of my poppies! ^_^ eheh ;)
I adore these flowers, they bring me sweet memories of childhood, I was such a cruel child, I adored opening the bud ! which was surely not pleasant for the flower!
but I remember how delightful it was for the hand the touch of it, the softness
aaah childhood, I feel you as if it was just yesterday ;)

Yeah we're talking about Time here.

so this is it, I have decided to take some time to delay on time and work on it, talk about it, see all the possibilities of this theme that is a wide horizon of possibilities of course and can lead to other themes, fears and thoughts...

I'll try to focuse on time, I hope I can do it, I hope I will find some interesting thoughts and answers in questionning time and exploring this old enemy deeply ;)

After all I am close to enter my thirties & it's time to make peace with Time or else I'll be an awful mom always worried and unable to just cherish the moment, see my children grow and love each instant of their evolution :)

sighs, I can't live here and now, I'm always hoping for that mother time.

Yes you can


We are thinking of all the solutions we have and it creates some tiny tensions between seb and I .
I hope he will just go find a job and forget about studies
He's got training there, he has real skills, he creates website and mine for instance ( we are working on making it better,more original and one of a kind)

I understand after these years he would have wanted that diplomas but I just cannot stand the idea of another year of reduced life and not being to have a baby.

I have accepted a lot,I have compromised and shut my desires a lot, I have tried to learn patience and stop talking about the burning pain of my pregnancy yearning.
Now I think seb has to acknowledge this and take some responsibilities, we can live our life, our couple just always according to his own life.

Do I sound selfish?
no I am just honest and enough is enough...
I know people are sweet they want to cheer me up saying some women got their first child at 42...but sincerely, glad for them if they enjoy it
but I want to have quality time with my children and for this it's better to have them the earlier as possible, to see more of them, to be able to see their children and maybe the children of their children...
I want to be able to have more than 2 children too, so we need to begin ;)
(ahah)

I am also responsible and aware of all the consequences, I have weigh the pros and cons so many times, I just can't help seeing this feeling of motherhood,seeing many mothers so touched,happy,proud and enchanted to see their little ones grow,radiate and be such a source of inspiration.

sighs

Sometimes some people ask me for penpalling and they say they "hate children" as if it was something important.
I don't really know if I can get along with such persons, I find it understandable to find them boring and limited but there is much more about children that boring brats crying and making crises!

I am so excited about Tori Amos new album: American Doll Posse

I am worried, I want to see her in concert, I dont have money.

If you love my art, BUY it now, for mother's day,for birthday for whatever
just watch my etsy


I am selling at antiquefae.etsy.com/


  • MY ONE collage A DAY where you can find my squared art


  • Antique Fairy art shop


  • If I can see her I will be inspired and make more art!!!!
    so if you can afford it and well like it( obviously!) I'll be so grateful!

    the ticket is 45 euros so X 2 + the train or car drive till Paris, that might be a huge amount of money but really I will feel so upset not to see her!

    Do any of you will see her?
    I think this concert will be great because we'll be able to see the five different characters of tori amos and it'll be much fun I am quite sure!

    aaah I wanted to buy the cd and they did not have the limited edition, I can't wait!!!!
    I have to go to Lille for this!

    I have read the blogs of the girls and really how I can relate!
    It's so comforting to have Tori amos, she is a real muse!
    I dont say amen to all she says but I have a philosopy of life that echoes her own and I feel such an understanding and strength anytime I read her thoughts and visions because I feel not alone.

    I love tori!

    We went voting, hopefully tonight we won't have a tragic choice ,I say hopefully...

    stop running after time you carry it with you close up

    stop running after time you carry it with you1bis


  • larger view
  • 3 commentaires:

    Jen a dit…

    yes!...

    I think it is wonderful for you to communicate your desire for starting to plan a family and now you two can work with that in mind..and not lose site of it...and not make decisions that would ignore this...

    not to be ashamed of changing course...not having that "diploma"..it doesn't take away from the fact that he had his experiences...has spent the time...not time "wasted"...the best lessons he got are the ones that he defines himself!

    "we" try to fit in to the constructs of others.(like signing up to follow a specific course of study,

    I am thinking now how "we" can recognize that we don't need their "approval" to be successful at what we want to do...to listen and know ourselves is all we need to open up new possibilities ..to open our minds to considering how we choose to spend time...

    well, I do accept you as you are
    with migraine, and without, with grumpiness and complaining, with busyness, with pain, with the passage of time...Helene...do you accept you..."this boring girl" ; )
    I hear you say of course that "..being angry at me did not help very much"...there is a difference between accepting ourselves(not judging or feeling badly about ourselves in any punishing way) and in recognizing times we see some of our ...behaviors, tendencies, thoughts...that "did not help very much" ...not sure if this is coherent...; )

    time has been my "enemy" too

    Love your picture with poppies..and what you wrote about childhood..
    and am thinking about "...time is just love and with an open heart we have ions to live"...I think this is amazing...I would like to find the time ; ) to think about time too...I think I haven't acknowledged all of the fear of it I have had...perhaps, the unrealistic fear...with death always looming...keeping me from enjoying the life and love

    Will look at your Etsy store!
    Really hope you will be able to go to see Tori Amos..: )

    She was one of the first c.d.'s in my collection a long time ago..
    haven't listened to her lately..
    but maybe I can find that c.d...
    and maybe check out her internet site (if there is time : ) would be good use of time I think, as you say she has a philosophy of life that echos your own..so I am interested more.

    My thoughts today were that I would just take enough time to check-in and read blog, email.(have to be somewhere by a certain time, that is creeping up now...ha! time...help!..
    could not resist responding here...

    glad you are making time your own.
    ..until soon I hope : )




    The ebb and flow of time...

    pixing a dit…

    hi Helenina,I'm pixing from China.
    rememmber me?

    just come to see u.
    have a nice day=)

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/pixing/

    Anonyme a dit…

    hello helenina
    it's Hannah!
    gorgeous artwork!I love it!congratulations!