Despairelation?

"dora. [deleted] says:
what really depresses me? and if i say that sometimes i just come over so miserable, so sad... without a reason... going deep down and down... and if i say that even these moments give me pleasure, bring enjoyment... is there a reason why i'm so depressed now? why i'm veering between these depressive like moods and total elation? or maybe it's because i'm so self-centered, always in need to play a leading part and getting down when i get the role of a secondary importance?

i'm depressed 'cause i give more than i receive, 'cause i can't make my dream go on, 'cause i want to hold on to sth that will never come to my expectations...
i'm depressed 'cause the reality is much more different than i've imagined...
i'm depressed 'cause i did things i didn't want to do...
and i'm depressed 'cause i regret things i could have done but i didn't...

and i stop being depressed when i have no time to think about all these stuff.."


This is kind of copyright infrigment to take those words and use them here, but the day I saw those words at flickr around last november I felt such an echo in those words.
Somehow I could relate to Dora.
I could feel her soul. Her sorrow and I don't know who she is at all, but I hope she's feeling better off by now, though with such emotions, it's hard to find a real repose.

I loved reading her words.
she inspired me. I will surely write and paint on Dora, the Ghost Muse.

somehow easier to love to the ones who don't exist, imaginary friends,muses and all than the real ones who can cut you through & leave the most damage.

I say so but my heart is sick enough and unafraid to love more which is why I'm here.
you don't love? then you die.
easy as that.

I felt there was so much of her soul in this, I felt she was the friend who could understand me as I am with my extreme sides.
You never know where I am.
A moment I run with kisses in my arms the second after I only have cuts everywhere and I'm falling apart.

"My name is Hélène and I'm a non anonymous neurotic artist..."
"good evening Hélène!"
clap clap clap.

quietly trying to laugh.

I read somewhere a photographer saying: I'm a cynical with an idealist heart.

that's so true.
I often think cynism is ugly, hopeless and oh my , most of the time I want to turn the neck of these people.

I've had cynical friends.
I stopped being their friends.
I could not hear them anymore.
I wanted to slap their face and say shut the fuck if everything is so bitter and hopeless go die and leave us alone, let us keep finding some hopes and lights, let us do what we want to do , let us be mere humans!

I am depressed lately.very.
The more I hide it, the more it swallow me all, the more I get back to the most cynical inside of me.
It's my Adah's side.
The anger.

that's a real banshee howl.

When sebastien turned on the tv tonight I wanted to scream at the top of my voice.
I don't want to see that.
I don't want to hear that.
Fuck! how does this gonna change my life? how can I help the suffering there?
I can not.
shut this fucking box of crap off!

I try to be as much sincere as possible but sometimes I just don't know how to explain to my dearest friends how awful I feel inside of me because the day after I giggle or am elated for details, for nothing at all or everything.

I wanted also lately to be more private.
to hide my real life to people because it pisses me off how people talk about you.
I admire my friends who keep their private life for them.
I don't mind to share my happy moments. My loved ones.My family.the real me.
But I'm reluctant at talking about my winter depression...
My friends ask how I feel with such enthusiasm that I don't know what to answer.

either I ignore the question or I answer what I think they want to hear with the sound of the truth.

I believe people think you, I, are not allowed to be depressed.
No reasons.

I'm beautiful, so beautiful!
that's what I hear most everyday, yeah my ego can be licked but you know the thing with ego, the more you lick the bigger it goes...kind of cynic erotism ahah
it's past midnight I'm allowed.

ego is our male side I believe.
I have to part things, to be at peace with my sides.Siva.shakti.
destroy.rebuilt.cut through.nurture.
fall.spring again with lights.

It's so hard.

I've been crying so much in december.
some days I felt I reached the bottom of hopelessness.
This feeling. this void. this sight.
it was something stiffling.

but I'm beautiful thus unallowed to feel the way I feel right?
and if I acknowledge how sad I'm feeling inside right now that will make me be seen as week and it'll be equate to my work and I'll keep that so hard to leave label of the sullen girl.

It is true that I still can be hurt by those people's word.
I'm not just a photograph.
and beautiful? what does that mean in the end?

I love beauty myself so much that people can end up thinking I'm but vain when they love to hastily sum up my self.

I can be summed up, I can be label, I can be cut through, I can be seen as whatever the fuck people want to see me if it makes them feel good.
I don't give a shit really.

I know there will always be people who can understand and those who cannot enter your garden.

I thought I had to protect myself.
but whatever you see, I am more than this or less than that.
what you see is not me, but what you see of me, the way you look at me.

I also believe that if some people come here and read and enjoy the fact I am feeling sad then good for them, they dragged their asses here, means anyways there's interested.



We don't need your small god
Hell man go on your ego cruise and stop ruining our parade
with the boring ever heard I see through you
Watch yourself in the mirror and don't bother me with the light I lack off
Those who are they a bunch of parasite in my attic
blindfold my eyes
I don't need your crutch
I even walk much better barefeet next to the ravin with my ravens
I don't need to be stappled with your virtual paper wings flattery
why do you spend so much of your time to cut our fineries
why do you spend so much hours mocking our masks
Who knows the vacuity behind your own

****

I also believe that it's not depression that makes the art better.
I believe we are somehow depressed because we are artist, poets, thinker, deep souls and it's just something we can't avoid.
our brain never pauses.
thoughts run faster, moods too, everything is alive, so alive and we can feel and see everything with more acuracy that we express things with depths.

for some it's seen as intelligence, for me it's mostly emotions.
perhaps intelligence of emotions.

Or we just go play the game in the real world and fake it, many people can after , why not I?

I'm gonna feel better soon I know.


the words that goes with this image:

dripping stains what a scene
theatre of dreams of the obscene
Now that I'm dead where do you repose your soul
where do you breathe
Non existent wistful absolute
I am crawling on the walls towards the dissolute

come on you all made of careless paper arms
I had to murder my babies to stop hearing
all the rivers poured for nothing
How could I heal more How could I bleed more

was the food for the dust creatures never enough

I don't want to read that you need to read me
I dont want to live in your book
when I rest my head on these harmful pillows where the dreams never sleep
I nightmare and I scream how much I abhorre

will my sanity keep me walking amongst the blind ghosts
To be able to feel it all in this forest of grins
sordid manor of the chains where we only hear the hands

the clock of my heart is bleeding molasses
in the room next door with the drawn tattered curtains
another one begging for kisses
my soul my hell my vision of the cliffs
my transparent dress of bruises
is it real tell me is this real
are we only this
should we belong to this void

give her another ice lake to escape
speed your infatuated poison in my veins so I can't flee no more

all this cries makes me suffocate and I keep myself warm
to the cold walls of my attic
better off in the dark
better off even stark
Everything's lost even the words
even the sound of her voice
can you scream now
can you peak me now

all the slashes won't disappear
you can cut your head off
threadbare my heart
I am so alone at 00:00

come on you all with the glaring sounds
piercing our ears
oddities of the most melancholic lust
he repeats this is adoration
with her nails on the wallpaper

My eyes in the frame
still lifeless
a well of knots with devouring words
something to make you fall
something to show how unholy I am

there's no glue strong enough to mend your pieces
after my words

my hands on the cover
feeling braille
what the hell do you want
tell me which slice which cell which particules
No doors no bars anymore
it's all for nothing at all
help yourself
eat more than you can
talk your mouthful
of my dearest darkness(...)

**********************

I believe that art will keep on saving my soul and rincing all the stains of emotions I am trying to deal with lately.


Peace & Blessings to you.

Being is Bewildering!

MY SHOP for mixed media art & Phoetry

I created a new shop, to sell art print of my phoetry work and my original mixed media art
feel free to have a look if you're interested in purchasing something from me

Also if you are interested in something not there, just feel free to ask, I always accept commissioned piece for anything, book cover, cd cover, just a painting in the style you want to gift to a friend or special occasion, collage with your children pictures,your portraits edited...
and I also do banners and blog design.
so just feel free to inquire :-)








dear friends, thank you so much for having shared this year with me.
Your constant support have always been so meaningful to me.
I am reached by all your words of kindness.
Thank you.
I am wishing you a lovely end of the year with a positive assessment.
Mine was amazing.beautiful.
I have loved and learnt so much.deeply.
I am changed though I always have my old melancholly and wounded soul tendency.
I have grown up spiritually and as an artist.

I am sending you lots of faery blessings, may 2009 be even better than 2008.
if you hurt may you heal
if you're alone may you find the like minded ones you need.
if you are drained may your energies be all renewed in the new year
if you feel dead and empty may you rebirth with the light within to pour the best of you without.

I am blessed to have you's in my life.
thank you.so much.













1)I am working with "Light" in everything creative that I do(yes even in my darkest artworks)

2)I love being at home.Not only because I have anxiety disorder and feel secure but it's the best place to be to create, to write, to read, the dream, to feel fine.

3)I hate noise and crowded place, I am at peace in the nature, to inhale the divine silence and contemplate the poetry of the landscape and its details.that's what I love.

4)I tend to feel quite depressed in winter but in truth I am always stronger when I have to take care of others, I forget my own pain and mess at once when I really have to be there for someone dear to me that is suffering more. anyone has an offer?

5)I am everything and its contrary.yes it can be boring and surprising. but that's me.
I always live great elation and sudden huge despair. I guess it's just the way life is.

6)Passion/fascination/obsession feed my soul and make me feel alive...without strong emotions without life's poetry and depths I wither.

7)I love the freedom that creative chaos offers to me, it feels like I can always go beyond and it's the only way I can live this life.

8)I believe I am a soul midwife I can heal and bring the best of others because if they let me enter and phathom their soul I can focuse and make shine and grow the best of them. I know where light resides.
I'm a lightworker so to speak.(and yes the healer needs healing at times too, I am human)

9)I cannot bare those who lack Empathy. I just don't deal with that. I don't understand.

10)I prefer to be found intelligent and deep than beautiful and hot but I love the days I can prove to be both ;)

11)I hate the fact we are often reduced to the way we feel on a certain time or the way we can be perceived
www.flickr.com/photos/mademoisellehelenina/2403155192/in/...
people are rude with assuming they know or see through us.

12)I dream to have a villa in Tuscany, I feel I belong there somehow.

13)I dream to have my own artist studio/gallery, to showcase my work and sell it, to give mixed media classes, to have other artist exhibition and many other things. It's one of my greatest dreams. I guess I need to keep believing in this.

14)I have this capacity to live above life, I get easily bored in reality, like Anais nin I need to turn everything into something marvelous, I want to see beyond and I love to be in contact with the unseen as much as possible.

15)I am fascinated by women beauty (inside out) it's a deep source of inspiration, a real cheer up for me. I could not live in a man's world. I love my sisters.

16)words and kindness are the best ways to entice me.





some of my latest Phoetry:





kiss the gem
Up high in the twisted tree in a winter sky
swirling branches of poetry
We're not under the snow yet
we're not under the orchids
We make love to the sun still
sharing snowflakes on our tongues
ice skating with pleasure in your bokeh of true lies
more again please purest delights
Sugary lips singing iiieee iiieee
melody of sensual melanchollia
romantic touch under the shadows
will it glow so low
spirit in mine
A place to be where the smile of knowing
make the precious waterfall sparkle
like a new call for springtime birds
make art inside my garden
grow your flowers of time in me
Breathe in your echo see you are frayed of me
I'm a thread of your spark
leather lace and shimmering satin
make me fall suddenly
I can feel my nails deep in a new ground
I love the ache on my knees in a new mud
I am unafraid to love
never afraid to pour
another glass of glow


His huge legs almost crash me down
but he noticed me thank to my perfume
He said I smelled like poetry of the sweetest trip where time stands still and the heart too
I asked "Magician I need a brand new heart mine is aching way too much"
He frowned.
I know this did not please him much.
I told him" do you believe in healing energies, then close your eyes and think of this land inside my chest that you treasure undress each layers of my essence and kiss me there in deep with your loving energies kiss me heal me Now!"
I didn't cross those haunted woods and eerie swamps of memories for nothing at all
He bent to look closer at me wondering why I had a mask on my face
I said " if you see my real face you know everything that I feel you can rip me all and you know how many times I have been a place for rampage and landslides"
I loved how he stretched his moss green hand towards me
"come on I have things to show you"
I helped myself up to fit his hand
"don't you know I have a huge fear of heights"
"you're already fallen you're already damaged what can be worse now than all these things you've dared live through, besides I have such a pedestal and a thrown for you inside my heart that you'd better forget this fear of heights right now!"
I looked at the whole place from such a high view
He made me pierce the mist and fly above the trees
I suddenly felt I was home totally freed of my thorny questions marks and their very dark ink.

In the woods
near the lake
my soul for ever in his hands(...)



I may not claim the thrown of Polaroid art but with P. we're making great things.
we turn it all to poetry.



I always wonder how we can generate the yearning for those who don't need
anything but a tiny flickering light above their coffins
not too many flowers because we're gonna eat some underground
I told him play this way but not on the left for you know I know
I see through everything with my angelic naive smile of true lies
Dichotomy is gonna war
After all if you needed a person who can blame it on me
Till the day of my death I was called the fleeting one
read the epitaph they all wanted to write something on my tomb
fools and dead poems angels with a broken wings incapable to fly to touch my face
will it be a new game with a scary dark ways of enigma because I didn't sleep last night
The big eyes that you love so much wide open on the black ceiling
I wish I could hang some stars there
I wish I could have count my dying stars to fall asleep
If you are him find a way to not let me know burry every hints and details
And for Goddess's sake don't tell me who you are
avalanche of angry books and carnivorous poems
my flesh's still fresh they can heat me whole with some foolish luck from empty seas
Winter is their blessings
I hate the flowery drops on my skin I hate the finery of every mask
but she pushes me to get some new cards with my high prietress inside
shuffle shuffle dare to show me the tower
collapse collapse and what's left is the bare absolute truth that nobody needs
nobody wants to read or hear about it
come on shadows of mine dress me with chimeras
I can handle one more till I die once again or lose my sanity(...)


C'est écrit à la craie sur l'ardoise cassée
combien tu me hais
J'ai laissé au grenier les confettis des amours diluviennes
Le spleen avale les rares lucioles qui voguent dans mes veines
Ne me regarde pas
Ne me garde pas
je dors dans un placard de poupées cassées
J'aime le noir où recoudre les robes à secrets
Arrête de me voir effilochée
certains mots lacère ma féminité
papier de sucre glace trouve ta place
une aile encore
pour quelques heurts
pas le temps de saigner davantage
le printemps mon seul éternel amant
respire les fleurs de mes ravages(...)



I have the impression this year will reveal many new surprises and though I was so depressed in december I am feeling better and better each day, hope it'll last.
I am savouring this New Dawn.

and I always want to thank God/Goddess for all the blessings, the precious ones around me, the wonderful opportunities, the soulmates, the sisters, the inspiration and the poetry and passion that my soul needs to drink once a day at the minimum ;-)

Bright light to you guys!

Be everything you'd like to be! this should be The Year of freedom!
do shed your skin grow new wings and let go of bad memories, labels stuck to yourself, masks you wore to hide the best of you, erase self loathing behaviour as soon as it pops in, just liberate your spirit... we all have so much to give.


(published in Life Images winter 09 Yay!!)

December views #1

I'm but a weed that looks like a flower
Nothing more than this invasion in your wide white void
And each of your move have opened my black hole
tearing me all apart violently on the stitches of my petals
Careless utterly selfish darkest hurricane
You took it all and more with you
An immense forest of oblivion and forgiveness
learn to bleed learn to forgive
How many crosses around my neck
I weight your pain
I gave my blood to this
waves lengths of silence and tears uncried
but it always has to be about your own alleys of misery
lonesome ghost on roads of woe
always about you
"for your own good for your own good"
the purest poetic lie I've ever heard
learn to keep the guilt learn to shake my shame
My giving was so real
A pure loss
I granted all your freedom I let you go where the wind blows
I waited on seasonal sorrows
my pining grew
you hurt me so
miles of "pardon me" I followed addicted
I wish I had known how wrong I would be(...)









As she came dressed with transparent petal of grace as a pure honesty finery
I felt my call had been heard
I suddenly felt less alone as my wings weighted down on me
She wrote on the coffin around my neck " you are my twin"
My icing blankets covering up my c-aches
I didn't need no mirror
I knew she was my soror
We only need to believe
To keep on making us want to live(...)










Waking up on your ice
clinging to your floe rocking your flow my darling my foe
sending kisses to the layers of fog
undecipherable marks of snow message on your hands
Not a lie just a tie a cross
I was here
On that day I crashed down your frozen waters
constantly skating like dancers on a sinusoidal hell of sugar coated illusions
How sore this icy burning
break it break it break me break on me
Oh Samael kiss me behind our masks
Waterfalls of poisonous icicles
behind my eyelids your hell
closing in
your hell inside of me
I'm not lying like snowhite in her ice coffin my seraphic demon
In my winter dress I am your most delightful victim
juice of hailstones icefall my favourite wound
Sometimes my Antartica
when your arms can melt in the distance
Sometimes my Antartica
the warmest tears remain uncried my love









How many clocks haunt the path
I scatter words behind me
In the core of hearts the hands say it's time
In the swamp of the brakish thoughts of my mind
He stretch the gold of insane tomorrows: profusion of light
I drank the slowlness of the winter months
Drink the oblivion to the songs of bird masks
They are learning how to fly
her wing is torn
you have to sew the thoughts together
Along my loins braids of kisses
Oh softness of the gleams in the core of the fairies of nothing
Hidding the wounds and the black cherry juice
Cry tiny heart
They are learning how to fly
His island is devastated
The wind still talks about these twin souls
whom the spectres still glow there
In the wood of forget me(...)



it hurts my hands to follow the curves of her writing
but on the loneliest nest of night I could love just to see her invisible wings
swaying in a land of traps and nets
Judith sweetest bliss my Judith
I know the seasons of your innermost secret garden
I remember the noise of your heavy heart
when it broke on the ground
All the pearls turned into necklace of poems
Only for Judith's neck
You betrayed your soils where the flowers grow
Judith unlace my corset of dreams tonight
will you hate me as much I could have loved you
It was a long road full of thistles and ivy
My ankle got strained
My soul bled the most
My heart bled the most precious love
But Judith knows when she closes her eyes on my pillow
I sigh
I glow
will you return to me
from your palace of the underworld
Muse of the words that kill with pleasure
I know the archives of your dark betrayals

*****************************************

and some of my recent paintings
















Most of my paintings are available for sale if you're interested feel free to contact me.

Blessings & quietness

Painting life with passion and essence...

I created myself a new banner for my etsy shop and thought about doing this
for money, to include this to my art business.

I want to learn more to be as able to work in graphism as I am with traditional art.

So if you are interested in having a new banner for your blog, shop or if your website or blog needs a new design, feel free to ask me and we'll see what can be done :)

I want to thank Darcy for this,because she made me believe this could be done.
I had that thought earlier but didn't trust my graphism enough, I was too awkward.
But in a few months I learnt a lot on photoshop and I've improved my skills.

I also think it depends on our moods, emotions and the way things feels in our life at a present time.
I was feeling too dark lately to see the best in me or my skills, my potentials.

So thank you Darcy for reminding, thank you to all my loved ones and dearest friends and supporters, especially at flickr, you all make my day, you make me stronger and you help me remember I really am a Human being, in the deep sense of it.

I hate to feel disconnected from humanity, as if I were so cut from the whole world in my secluded existence.

I dont complain, I love solitude and being alone at home.
But I still dream to have a dear friend with who I could just walk out in the hood and take pictures, laugh, admire the landscape, the little detail of the beauty around us, breathe where we still can breathe, a sister who could be like me, loving simple things and deep things too, seeing the poetry of this life, of nature, of any kind of art, the poetry of emotions, the beauty that can be felt, touched, grabbed ,seen in every little things,every aspect of our life.

That's why I can be pissed at people when they say comment at my work" oh why are you always so SAD?"
they talk as if they knew me which is so rude!
and writing sad in big shows how they have a fear or problem with this emotions.
sorrow sadness can be beautiful, it reminds us our humanity, that we can need others, and being able to express and feel unashamed to cry is something important to me.
it's being free to be.

And adding stupid things that I want to receive just favorable comments is ridiculous crap because saying this as nothing to do with my art, it's just a rude comment from someone who just cannot read my work and assume they can read my mind.

They don't see me.
I'm no dark nor mysterious woman, I am a real woman.
I'm not haughty or self assured, I assert my soul, sometimes I sound loud and big mouthed but I defend what I stand for and there is a line that has to be respected or you're out, that's all.
if that should make me appear like a so proud arrogant bitch then so be it.

comments like these in fact just makes me want to write" of course I'm a self centered arrogant artist and I just want the good comments please so behave, that's exactly who I am :)"
but some people wouldn t understand the humour and irony.

My loved ones they know me better.
I doubt and trust my soul, it's my balance, the path to spiritual growth.
I wont stop asserting my soul.
I dont even give a shit if somebody feels uncomfortable with this or think "oh she's so proud"
screw that holy crap!

why in this world are we so allowed to say how much we suck, how bad we are, how ugly , how insignificant and all, how on earth such things can be so easily tolerated in our world and also found so touching, ooooh sweet lamb, she hates herself, gonna empathised!
whereas it's really cruel to be this way towards our self.

Our soul is our precious, the light to show us the way, if we treat it bad, then we'll remain longer in the dark, is that a clever way to live our so short life?maybe shorter than we think, we never know what tomorrow is made of.

we never allow others to say they love themselves, for this and that, they are proud because they can do this, they think they are beautiful, intelligent, funny and so forth why?
is it our own discomfort and doubts and insecurities that make us act this way?

That's something that shock me in our society!
And I really hate it when I go back to my self loathing self because it's unhealthy, especially when I support my sisters and brothers out there with true empathy and focusing on their beauty, the best in them.





Anyways when we are artists, we really have to believe in ourselves or magick cannot happen.
We have to be dedicated to this demanding light inside us, to be scattered around in colors, in matters, in papers, in visual poems.

Somehow Art is my religion.My saviour.












I love my girls,my paintings.
how they come to me, sometimes like such a solace.
Only others painters,other artists can understand this feeling.

Sometimes with stress of all the things that are complicated in this world/life we feel hopeless, like things are adding to one another and the situation gets heavy and you wonder how it will go on...
I worry about the future, I hurt about many things,not only related to me or my navel.
smile.

There are many things that make me cry: like watching on tv a mom of 40something having a serious disease and having to find a home family for her four children, talking freely about her death and just caring for her babies not to be separate, how moving that is...
I empathize so deep with others pain at times, it overwhelms me.

I also can cry for joy, good sweet empathy, that's a feeling I adore.
sharing others happiness.
That is also something I need and admire in other human beings out there.
I cannot bear the ones who cannot derive joy from their friends smile, happiness, bliss,success...

In fact with time I have stopped trying to deal with that.
I just don't understand the lack of good empathy.
It just feels so good to share others' joyitude:)


(poem that goes with this)
I'm breathing trying to remember something that never happened.
The silence on the beach, I hear the lullaby of the waves from afar in my autumn nostalgia of a summer that never was.
It's the noise of dead leaves that I hear under each of my steps, the noise of my heels on the pavement and the insidously painful sound of your silence.
The real one. The silence in between each of your words. The silence in between each of your moves.
Then I recollect images, the warmth of color and the sand under my undulating body like an inviting waves.
You never dared to imagine my ripples but I know you did.
I understood that silence with time.
You made me understood this soft sound that pains my heart so much.
Then the fog dressed my skin, I could remember all these caresses of zephyrs.
Sighing remember remember our summer never happened.
My eyes full of tears just said the deepest truth about it.
No why anymore.
Not even a because.
Nobody's fault.
We're both sorry and I'll ever be more for you than for me.


****
solitude, impotence makes me cry.
isolation.
Or feeling noticed when I really feel so lonely.
It's very comforting.

In fact people cannot imagine, how just a smile, a hello and sincere concerned how do you feel these days, is meaningful.
I am moved by humanity and that is what matters to me.


(poem that goes with this)

But I wanted to know you
Drenching my feet to the waters of your soul
Listening closely to each of your waves
Maybe sinking too always deeper and further in another universe
Keeping shells in my pocket where infinite was written
But we forgot the power of the tidal waves
we forgot the hurricanes and the tiniest grain of sand
Each of my rains gliding between your fingers
And the resistance of the walls under my white horses
The window blew all these tortures of written meaning
My eyes cried all the read senses
Undulations of cruel sounds it's too late it's too late
whatever it may be it'll ever be too late at least for me(...)

Kindness makes me cry. beauty too.
I am lucky to be an hyper sensitivity being because it makes me feel more aware of the beauty around us.
Even in the negative feelings there is beauty hidden.

I was wondering what words am I most comfortable with when referring to my spirituality?
Believe,faith,growth,path, unison, connecting to like minded souls to share and imply growth and spread energy to one another.

I am feeling closer to my faith right now and I need angels around me which is why I painted an angel.
it does not mean I am religious.
I am just spiritual and in fact I'm not into speaking about religion, most of this talk sometimes get nowhere.

My spiritual awakening was more tangible to me following my artist path because I could see how everything was connected.
There is Light and Love spreading in my art,it is not just an art business, it's not just doing something to earn money, to me it's beyond this.

This is surely why it's not easy to live as an artist, I have a very hard time talking about marketing and how to promote how to make things work.
I'm ambitious in the things I have many ideas and dreams, but it's all bursting with passion and especially to be real connection, real creation not just a way to be rich ^___^ though I'm pragmatic and really hope to make more money with my art and skills next year because I need to be able to keep going.

I would really die spiritually if I have to do a daily job and not be the artist I have to be.
Money problems suck!

I really would love to be a Life Empowerment Coach and Personal Growth Facilitator, I do believe in this, in my potential for this, my good listening, and my being able to understand others, sometimes I wish I lived in the Usa for these things because here I don't think people care about such things.

I have this easiness to sense a soul and to grab someone's talent, see their own spark and what great things they can do.

Oh yesterday it was thanksgiving, so I hope all my American friends had a very nice time with their loved ones!

If I had to write the things I'm grateful about lately well I'd say
Love of course in everything, in friendship, in art, in lasting or ephemeral connections.

when we meet someone it's always teaching.


I am grateful to have sebastien in my life, for his support, his understanding and the fact he's bearing with my being so up and down not always easy to live with, I am lucky he always finds a way to make me laugh out loud.
I know I need his support for me to keep growing as an artist, I need his love and his trust in me.




I am grateful for the ones who will always stay by my side come what may.
I know who you are.
Thank you for this.
thanks for the sunbeams and the smiles.



I am grateful to the fairies and the angels in my inner garden.
I'm grateful for all the poetry muses, thank you thank you for coming to me so I still can write even when the ink of my soul dries.



I am grateful for all the things and souls that inspire me.
Grateful for the advice ,messages,kindness I receive from wherever they may come.







The key remains there: in self acceptance , self understanding and self improvement.

Namasté my friends!
now please make today count, offer a smile to another one, offer an ear, an hug, a kiss, a compliments, it's free and spreads so much than whatever we think/see.