The torments of paradoxes

title: Unison





title: Dysphoria

my recent collages

Sans Jugement

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.”Rumi





title: Sans jugemement

it is my 100 th which is why I wanted to make something special.
It is 4squared art of 10x10 cm each(4x4)
mixed media: acrylics,oil pastels,paper,image of a bird,swaroski,gel pen,fabric gel, glitter,rubber stamp,gesso

available here

I chose the title thanks to that song 'utopia' by alanis M. who really fascinated me.I almost cried when I first heard it for all the beauty contained in it, the words and melody truly touched me.I was feeling could it be real, it would so big, so amazing...But I am also very realistic, I am not even sure if we'd be that fine in such a utopic world.

I mean it's fine to dream about it and to improve one's being towards these ideas of tolerance and acceptance, but I still think we need the opposite to learn, to change our mind,to evolve...maybe also to be more human,feel the empathy,to want to help...


"We'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree sans jugement ..."(utopia by alanis m.)

I was making that piece and I first thought : what if I damage the nice background?what if it's so ugly I feel empty,sad,frustrated and angry at myself?

I decided that it was not serious. I take many things so at heart due to being emotional and hyper sensitive(doesn't mean I can't handle the truth or criticize, disagreement you know)
I told myself, it might not turn the way I want it to but it doesn't matter, if the background is ruined nevermind I can make another one, I know how to do it if I have made it once .

so I jumped in the daring well, how exciting!!!
I felt I was 10 years old again, being so concentrate to draw nicely to impress myself :)

I have decided lately that one of the heavy things/attitude in my existence was : Judging, giving a wrong or right to everything I do, it s good or bad, beautiful or ugly too many judgements...
It kills the personality, it kills the possibilities, the opportunities and so forth.

it's written " they'll never know how beautiful you are if you keep hiding in darkness"

so the girl is talking to the bird.I let you free interpretation, there are many things to read in this.

People often say something like the emotions gets deeper and more intense when shared it's so true!!

When I make art & feel a euphoric sweetness at the end before the results, looking at the piece "sans jugement"(I dont mean the title here I mean without judging) I feel fine, relieved,soothed...

To know or see that just one soul can connect to my piece of work and feel that tiny bliss thanks to it, because they can relate, feel touched ,attracted, find pieces of them in it, or are just grabbed by the colors /compsosition whatever it double my pleasure =)

It's not usual I end up an artwork with a stretch smile of satisfaction, relief, it's a moment of peace for me when I give up judging.

It's fleeting, evanescent but it's a moment I really appreciate and live in the here and now, I try my best to be present to it,savour it:)
when it echoes in someone, when someone else can smile before my work then it brings that feeling back to me and it gives more meaning to what I do,what has been done and felt.



that work is called:I regret, I'm angry,I'm sad & I'm afraid...

these being the 4 emotions that assuage your mind if you express them anytime you get hurt,broken or something really sad happens to you.

Most people when they get their heart broken just release one emotions, the most common being anger, feeling a deep resentment for the person who hurt them who left them and they get engulfed and sort of emprisoned in this emotion because of the denial of the other( yeah I Love psychology,I have learnt it a lot by myself,in books and in real life and also a bit at university just for 6 months or so )

so this artwork was to release the emotions. There are still too present on some days, because I have been hurt a lot by the abandon of person I considered soul sisters or maybe I was thinking they could be, maybe that was an illusion...

on her dress it's written:
"I'm in this night feeling the weight of what used to be flamboyant...smithereens in the well of wishes I collect the remains , mere fireflies but they burn my heart I can burry them but they grow thorns on my path I turn the page & the book keeps bleeding soon will come the time to blow the candles on my cake & whisper my yearning spin out the sororal bliss make that fire warm my heart forever I want to forget the glass splinters in my embraces & sigh my true and passionate " I love you sister" & cry on the Echo."


available here

For the sake of Beauty

Poetry is what gets lost in translation. ~Robert Frost

Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. ~Leonard Cohen


Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary. ~Kahlil Gibran

anytime I'm in my bed ready to sleep I have a tidal wave of poems,songs and deepest thoughts that comes to me and twirl in my head,I just can't sleep.
I toss for hours, I try to fall asleep but I can't stop thinking.

My worries,my dreams,my hopes,my wishes and my fears are there, talking to me, trying to make a connection.
Then I finally dream, the best part of this...

that's the reason why I love sleeping, also because I get all grumpy when I'm waked up too early and it breaks the end of my dreams.


I believe dreams at night are important.
They show me the way,they comfort me.

I have dreamt of snow, I was gliding on it, like embracing it, it was soft and beautiful ,something like cotton...not cold.



When I talk about myself, I often feel like a scarecrow, in the way I might scare with my difference, in the solitude I feel but birds of compassion can relate and understand me thanks the Goddess! It also reminds me of the wizard of Oz, the scarecrow that is so funny and sweet and only wants a brain,knowledge,understanding of things...

I have a brain of course but I'm constantly searching for new knowledge,wisdom,positive influence,I need to understand things always...

the writing are first bouddha's quote:" the mind is everything what we think we become" and that's true:)

then I have added: so what can stop you now, shed and burry your wrong beliefs certain souls can see behind your appearance it's your life it's your dream you can't be blind and death to it.


I think it was interesting also to work on a rather masculine figure:)
I also need to talk to the dark prince in me you know.
I am very feminine,most of my art sounds feminist, a celebration of women with her breaks,lights,knowledges and failures. but I am complete in the sense I know there is a man in me. not only the men of my life, the mentors but the yang of my being.

It's easier in French anyways because for a human being we can say "un Homme"."les hommes",I belong to this, genderless.

Today I've had my apointement at the local agency for employment to talk to them about my project to make a living from my art.
It's all complicated, especially because in some ways you need money to begin.
Hopeful my fiancé will end school in June ,get his diploma and find a job quickly:)

then we'll find a new apartment and I'll be able to work more seriously and in concret in my projects.

At the moment, I do all I can,I work,I share,I sell, I collect ideas of all the things I can do, I have to accept to grow slowly and that all the projects won't be able to be completed in one year ^_^ I'm so impatient sometimes:)

I was so touched last night,venting,pouring my heart to Sebastien and he told me I really had my own style and that was one of the most important for an artist, to have one's identity.

I am also so immensely grateful for the support I receive, for the people who recognize my style, that touches me so much!

I might be full of doubts, so introverted/shy( hate that word:p because paradoxically I am very frank and honest I say what I think and some people can't hear that sometimes!) shyness implies a fear I guess and I don't fear others, I trust my soul I am just so uncomfortable to have to speak in public, but to give class one day it will be different ^-^ because anytime I speak art I'm so vehement,dancing with emotions and colors, it's one of my language with poetry, the written words:)

so yes in spite of sometimes being my worste enemy I'm heading my path, I have a strong will, I have a deep trust in my soul, in my limitless imagination.

I won't give up.

the Soul & the Sister

sometimes I feel the missing pieces of my soul puzzle ,the missing colors of my mind canvas, the missing melodies of my heart instrument...



1. Open your heart and mind.
2. Honor,respect and celebrate each other.
3. Share personal stories,secrets
4. Send blessings & positive energies for each other.
5. Feel the beyond understanding silver thread that ties our hearts

why keeping on searching without what is within?
Because of the need of interactions,understanding,that magick we cannot explain.

Before meeting Sebastien, Love was still the most important to me though I've searched soul sisters and like minded friends for ever.

I often question myself, am I blind? am I too demanding? am I wrong?am I really asking for an ideal a twin?

truly not.
I dreamt of finding someone like sebastien, who would love me for me and really be caring,unafraid of my temper, my passionate hearts and whimsical mood swings ^_^

so I guess I'll have that special friend too one day.have to be positive,maybe she's on the way, maybe I just can't see it coming now,maybe it'll be in 5 or 10 years.

I still want to love :) but I feel lonely...

survey for my dearest Marina

What artists inspire you in your everyday life?

many artists inspires me in every field,may they be writer,painters,collage artist or singer...there would be too many to mention so I will sum it up to Tori amos and all piano rock women,who are very involved who share their deepest thoughts and want to make the mass evolve and find their own creativity or meaning in life.I love the idealist in actions who are realistic dreamers like I am.

In what ways are you creative? in my writing I guess not always for sure;)in my mixed media work, in my way of dressing up , I think creativity is inherent to me and I always have a hard time understanding others who aren't creative, it's something kind of weird to me, I feel it's just easy,you just have to get intoxicated with sweet madness and let go ;)it's a door to freedom and individuality,personality:)

What are your favourite boy names? Remi,Tristan,Valentin,Logan,sören...

What are your favourite girl names?Everdeene,Louka-Hannah,Marina,Alice,Eva,Adah,MyraBellah etc...Hopefully I'll have a baby girl next year ;) I'm so fascinated with names:)especially feminine names:)

If you could learn any foreign language, what would it be? I'd love to learn again Italian and spanish for I have forgotten so much,then I'd love to learn turkish and greek and sanskrit:)but I'm too lazy and procastinating for this;)

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be? NEPAL & INDIA then the whole world;)


The kind of people you love: deep in everything,in their kind sweetness,in their intelligence,in their creativity,in the way they talk and think:) I love very intelligent and mature persons who have a real personality and who do something to make a change,to touch,to heal,to make this world be more human.


If you could completely get rid of one fashion trend that you personally don't like,what would it be?: oh I don't care much about fashion, I think it's normal though that at adolescence we feel the need to belong to a trend. I'd rather belong to the magical circle of the Witches of Light ^_^

Can you trust people? well to be honest it depends,if my heart is attracted or touched then I want and need to trust or else I can't create a bond. But I'm often pessimistic with people, I tend to be surprised by persons and I'm very grateful for that!


What would you say is the most daring thing to do in a lifetime? just being deeply Honest and Real,no masks,no fake ideals or nice words to please the crowds, no sheep thing, going one's path and with all your passion:)

I also think it's very daring to Love, to really Love ,giving yourself,being there for others,listening,being aware,feeling the empathy...I think very few people really love.
I don't love everyday, I am real and honest, there are dark days when everything collapse and I just can't love, that would be then a daring thing for me to try and love in spite of the hurt and emptiness I can feel some days...

Name your favorite type of music and why: piano women:) because piano is in my heart for ever,it's soothing and spiritual to me.

Name an instrument you've never played but would like to: piano:)

Your perfume: noa by cacharel or white musk by sephora

Describe your dress sense: I don't dress up that much now that I'm more often inside than outside so I think my dress sense is nobody cares let's be casual there will be paint accidents on it anyways ;oP ahah
but if I want to be nicely dressed I am creative,love to be crazy ,colorful,original,kind of Bohemian and stylish ^_^

First piercing? I don't like fashion and things like that to belong like tatoos and piercings, I just have ear pierced but being home makes me forget to wear some for a while...but I love ear rings and jewelry so much=)

Name 6 of your favourite bands and singers: howie day,tori amos,vienna teng,fiona apple,bel canto,hannah fury,an pierlé....I can't name just 6;)

When you go into a bookshop, which section do you head for? poetry ,literature and philosophy but I also like the psychology section:) I love learning about the human being,trying to understand better.

What is your dream job?: artist,writer,singer...

If you could have ANY animal for a pet, what would it be: just a cat is fine for me ^___^

Favorite clothes brands/ designers: don't care much, I wear what I like, I'm not advertising anyone:P

Who's your favorite author? I love emily dickinson,christian bobin,sylvia plath and many others...persons who are inspiring ,poetic and deep.

What inspires you? life,humanity,and my love for these,colors,the muses of the daily life,Passion/love, the beauty of Nature,emotions, hinduism ,buddhism and positive thinking.

Artwords! here I am :)

this is my interpretation for the theme of this week: morning.

to me morning implies a new beginning that we often forget when we feel sad,alone,depressed...we sometimes forget that there will be another morning and that the light will come again.
I just wanted to talk about this and maybe I will remember this for good;)
anytime I get really down I'm focused on that night, those shadows.of course I learn a lot in this darkness but I also could try and see from another view and keep in mind that it's just all about the great opposites: night and day, tears and smile,end and beginnings:)

so here it's the morning of Bliss:) when I wake up on new friendships with lots of hopes and sweet enthusiasm ^_^

on the path to rebirth

mixed media
24x32 cm
She who turns the wheel of the Heavens

I have been inspired by Ishtar(also called innana in Armenian) and Arianrhod who are both multifaceted goddesses.
They both have a special love for nature.They both evokes the cycles and changes of life,death versus life or better death in life and life in death.

I think Ishtar can be compared to Persephone, I guess they just named her differently or these archetypes are very related.
They both are unafraid to venture the into the depths of the underworld.

I think this is how I found myself back.
I have reconnecting to the feminine creative,I am unafraid of my darkness ,I venture the unknown to push myself and also to get to know myself better.

I need to grow, the only thing that always hold me back from growing is the idea of death,it holds me back from living too,from enjoying things I have or I want ,like this yearning to be a mother...


a better shot but alas here I can not show the bigger size as it doesn't work,see it at my livejournal( lilaccanopy)

I think I have thought about death way too much lately.
I thought that if I was still scared of death how could I be a good mother when they will know about it, will I lie? will I pretend it's okay?

I still don't understand this idea of death, sure I try to re-create it,adorn it.

I would really love to believe Life might be a passage ,a room giving access to something else,something bigger.
We are human and limited,our idea of death is a human idea,maybe there is another reality...maybe my human and perhaps childish hard way to accept the idea of death leads me to have wings and fly away from my roots,but I know I need to reconnect to my roots to feel complete.

I can't wait for Spring to come, to lie down the lawn and listen to the humming of Gaia.

I don't know why but I think I remind me of Pokahontas here;)

to come back to the Goddesses, Arianrhod is also called "high fruitful mother who turns the wheel of the heavens"and Isthar means " giver of Light"

I feel the mother in me that wants to be a positive thinking sharer and hope giver.I love the moon symbol linked to soul changes and mood swings.
I think us women sense this deeper, I think a lot about Life is feminine strenght,Nature,Earth...

I have been inspired by the so beautiful knowledge cards by Susan seddon and Michael babcock.

This artwork took me such a long time,I think the more I work and progress the more I need to take time on the details in the collage/painting.

I think I prefer this collage from all my new endeavours:)I don't say it's beautiful but I am glad how it turned.For I really don't like the other, I keep them as testimony of the evolution and changes in my art.

I still think that maybe there is too many things in one collage, but maybe it is to show the fusion, my alter ego and nature.

well I surely wanted to say a lot more but I can't think right now,sorry for the mistakes if there is some;)It's late & I'm off to bed!
Yoga truly tired me today,so much energy.

It was really good anyways and needed

We had another teacher today as the other one was ill so it was very different and I enjoyed it:)
She advised us to do massage with lavender oil to our feet and hands each evening before sleeping to feel relax:)
so yes all natural essential oils are very expensive but today I decided to buy it:p
so I'm going to have a massage :)

Yesterday I was feeling very sweet and could be the witness again about the sweetness of human beings at the gym class,I am feeling back in touch with humanity and seeing things clearer like our flaws,our silly needs to be right sometimes,or to want to understand everything question way too much instead of letting just living.

I hope everyone has had or is having a lovely Valentine's day,even if you are alone there is someone who love you , there is Love for everyone,for Love is immense and can't be reduced to having a lover.

so Cherish all the things that matters to you, celebrate what is rare and welcome feelings,there is so much to love & get nurtured by.

I don't celebrate Valentine's day,for lately it was my 6 years anniversary with sebastien so that's more important:)
I can't believe it!6 years! How times flies!

I'm feeling very blessed and lucky again,I see who are my friends and making new ones, I will cherish these bonds and not be afraid to share,get attached and lose if I have to. I want to give love:)especially to those who inspire it to me.