Goodbye Houdan Welcome New Home, New Life!

The waves of words under her feet cold as ice
she crawls remembering what the night told her
Intellectual starvation snow snow snow and dead leaves no wonders
the land of pebbles and moss green so called friends
can you hear the eerie conversations by the woods
I know they pour some fog in each of her cup of tea
so she can never read the lines hanging to the dying trees
I hear them weeping
She lies by the willows lake on the muddy grass
can you feel the tiny rinds of lemon thoughts in between each of her breath
can I sleep at night
The shadow will vanish
Something like a mental yoga
close the windows of your Spirit and repeat the words
"Rush rush river of the great oblivion hush hush all of her secret daemons"
Exhale some poetic mist entangled with wintery tears
so drowsy like a book with a torn cover
dust on my side thorns in my hands
She is by the woods going to find the celestial elevator
I am sure all loads can be lifted
one day you know one day at time
communing with the hands of the meanest old clock(...)


We are moving and I am so eager to be there, all settled:)
But I love the beginning, tidying, cleaning,purifying the energies in the apartment, and baptizing it with incense and white sage.
Making it our new Home.
I will also take the time to "create" the baby room :)
I am not going to do something over elaborated, but to make some little decorations, I have plenty of ideas and new inspirations but I will need to be settled to begin ;)
so right now I have to be patient.

It is no fun at all to live surrounded with the mess in a small apartment!
But I am super happy because our new home will be bigger ^_____^
we will be able to breathe and have more space and it was much needed!

I am also thinking of "getting rid " of some old art of mine to have more space and also to give the chance to people with not much income to buy art ;)
so it will be something like PAY WHAT YOU WANT art sales but I haven't had time to organised this eheh so if anyone is interested in an old artwork of mine
let me know your price( of course you pay the shipping cost!)

helene's mixed media from 2005 to 2008

or some of these are available too:

>Mythology project artworks

well if there is something you like at my fairyattic.free.fr you can let me know your price and if it's available it'll be yours :)
with the moving and all things we will need to buy some money will be more than welcome!

Then later I will close my shops and make art for the sake of art Passion, love, magick,spirit, soul and all :)
and this is something that reminds me freedom is a state of mind!

I am surely going to find out what has to be kept and what I want to get rid of or stop.
September was really a month of frustrations and delay with the moving that got me rather stressed which of course in my state is not good at all ;)

Plus I am still sick and can't sleep so well at night even though I'm in the second trimester...some days it's depressing especially when the sun does not shine (makes me worried about seasonal disorder!)but I know I have to remember the blessings in this situation.
I would not say it's wonderful to be pregnant at the moment but I am eager to feel happier about it and especially healthier.
But really I just can't wait to meet my baby!

I shall know the sex of our lovely rainbow baby in november.

I know once I'm settled I will go back to old passions like penpalling more, making true friends this way, I also will try to write zines again!
I have missed that!
if you're a zinester and write literary/poetic/thought provoking,faery,artsy/personal zines and can send me a pdf of it or want to trade zines, it'll be my pleasure :o)

But I have to work on this, it's been ages I haven't done zines!
I have created Chameleons sighs/Blank Pages girls/Lost and found( a one shot zine as imaginary letters)and a small kind of atc zine...but alas I can't find the pdf of them...I will search maybe I can, but anyways the thing is that they were written from 2005 to 2006 I guess and my English has much improved since that time, because I remember reading them and feeling so embarassed!
;)

I also want to learn to sew soft toys, cutie monsters and all but I suck at sewing and I have no patience for this, so we'll see how far I can get with this new desire;)
I have found some interesting templates(not sure of the word)but it's great and will help me, now I need to find cheap fabric online and cheap felt :)

I also want to make a felt beads necklaces with other accessories I have it in my mind, I so hope I'll manage to make this:)
I'm not good at jewelry making either.
That's why I mostly bought from Indie artist at etsy ;)

I want to keep on trying recipes and improving my cooking and at the moment I'm kinda glad of what I'm doing;)

I must admit I have become a food obsessed ^___^
but maybe I have always been, I love eating even if it does not show and even if I'm pregnant and still have the morning sickness and not a big apetite still.
The good point in this is I haven't gained much weight for sure, though of course my belly shows and I find it rather lovely ;)

I think it's because I watch those things on tv about food, great cooking and it inspires me :))) I think cooking is an art and eating is a real pleasure:) till it's healthy and with moderation;)

Anyways my tastes have changed a lot. I used to be such a sugar teeth and now I mostly prefer salty things, or maybe sugar/salty things.



I was so honoured and happy to be chosen by Michal to make her poster and flyer for a music show in NYC!
I cannot wait now for her to take pics of the poster in the streets there:)and of course to watch the videos of the show:))
I think it's something really cool ,it's the second time my art will be in New York!
(I did an art show there at the APW gallery)


become a fan of Michal here:
www.facebook.com/michaltowber

and you can listen in free stream many of her great songs!

voilà:)
That's all for now!
Life's great we are granted some more days of summer sunshine which truly brings a smile on my face, I had a lovely chat with an adorable friend(and penfriend) this morning which also brightened my day, my love is so adorable everyday that it also makes me feel so blessed and lucky to have him by my side , can't wait for us to explore our new place!

I won't have internet for some time, which will be great because I will need time to clean tidy and make the place looks like home:)
ha! we will do things right this time, no more mess ;)( can you believe this! :o)
anyways I am spending less and less time on it, just this week maybe more because everything is in packets and after cleaning the apartment here, there is nothing much to do, hmmm maybe I can cook some bread or brioche? ;)

naah I know I still have some things to pack and other to get rid of.

I won't pay for the mail to be redirected so if you need my new address(mostly penpals) please let me know, I have already sent it to some of you but I surely have forgotten a lot!

****Blessings and Bright light****

Rainbow baby we're so Happy!!!

Here is the first official u/s
It's still amazing to know I have a baby, a life inside me :)
Sebastien was very moved.
I was grumpy and frustrated not to know the sex, I was so impatient!
I want to get a name, I want to give an identity to my baby not just to call him/her baby for another 3 months!

We tried to guess but really it is not easy we surely will know in november for now.
Patience,patience...because maybe we wont if baby does not cooperate!
Ha! I know I know, the most important is that everything is fine,baby is so alive, moving a lot, kicking, I cannot feel it, though sometimes since I was 2 months and a half I thought I could feel the moves...we'll see later.

most women feel their baby around week 19 I think.
I'm 14weeks and two days, next tuesday is the end of the first trimester...gotta get the Chempaumiiiiiiiiiiii!
I want to feel good, I want my energy back, I want to feel like doing things
I am mostly dragging my body though I have some days with feeling better and I dont have nap everyday now!
Good!
:)

I would say I'm feeling a little bored because I dont want to do anything.
taking pictures or painting would require too much energy.
I haven't painted since late june I guess?or was it july?
I can t remember!
I dont even know if I can paint again ahah, I feel so different.

I am more focused on my real life, my love life, my pregnancy than art and such.
I am even thinking of stopping my art business now seriously.
I will take my decision at the end of this month.
I am pissed off with the organisation at La maison des artistes, nothing is clear, everything is complicated and I haven t received my tax declaration so I wonder should I be worried?
I know I wont pay tax but I have surely other things to pay and when I contact them by email they dont take the time to answer, that's great, vive la maison des artistes j'adore!

Anyways art business was not meant for me, I mean I loved all the experiences I gained for this venture, it was a lot of hard work, a lot of energy, time and all.
I know on a resume I can write a lot of what I have learnt from this time as a self employed artist, so I dont regret anything.

But I don't regret my artist life at all, it was fun, full of surprises, passion, I grew from this, I gain confidence, I got my successes, I did a lot of things, got published several times, published my own book, sold art worldwide :)
a lot to be proud of.

But my life is evolving and I want to dedicate my time to my priorities so I guess either I will find a job or be a stay at home mom.
Later I'd like to venture Photography, but I guess I'll have to deal with the maison des artistes again...I wish I could start a business more easily...
and I will see first many things, how to deal with motherhood etc.

I know no matter what I will still be a creative being because it's in my soul ;)
and maybe I will paint again soon who knows?
I go along my heart's desire :)

I love the idea that I'm spending less time on the internet.
As an artist to sell and to always produce you have to spend a lot of time online, to share, to contact and such...
I used to be so addicted to internet and also to flickr!
I still go there, but I really got the feeling that it'll soon be over :)
I guess I want to be more in the here and now and to go out instead of the recluse life.
It's great because we're gonna live in a real city so going out will be easier than here in Houdan where there is nothing but we'll surely miss our little hanging out in the lovely countryside along the river, it's so beautiful!
a wonderfully romantic place, so quiet and all.

The moving will be a real change!I am so eager for it!
to decorate the new place, to tidy the baby stuff my sister gave us:)
aaah it's gonna be great:)
I enjoy so much to have these baby things at home because it makes things more real to me , it's moving, it's so cute:)
we're moving this month :)

it'll be a wonderful time to throw away my past and all the things I don't need here!
we all keep so many useless things and say oh but well maybe later I could use it for this or that!
we never do and years after years ,moving after moving we drag the same useless things
I have to be more sensible and practical now;)

I love listening to songs singer wrote for their children, so if anyone wants to make my day, you can give me a mix cd or via email of songs like these:)
I already have of course tori amos's songs:)
I have one song by Pina Kollars that is so moving;)
I remember the first time I heard it in 2003 I guess I was so moved I could feel it, I remember how much I was craving to be a mother already!
time, time, time...

I believe to create a life gives such more depths and meaning to our life!
And I know I was meant to love, to give and take care so I am happier than ever!

In fact I am often all surprised and have a hard time to realise my dream is coming true I'm going to be a mother...I guess when I'm going to feel the baby that's gonna be more real;)
I will sing to her:)

there is also this song by alela diane
oh my mama

I don't remember singing with my mother at all, but I remember singing with my grandmother Eliane, she was great,I think she's the one who made this passion for singing grow in me:))

I hope to sing with my children:)
I am eager for all these things all the first times, singing my baby to sleep, reading stories yay Faery tales!!! ^___^
painting together,cooking cupcakes together:)) all these things, real pure life:)

Sometimes I am surprised that people dont marvel enough on this existence down here and dont take their chance to LIVE fully.
It's such a pathetic cowardice not to live it's so easier in fact...








if you had known what you now know
Would things be any different
would you have done the same ugly mistakes
would you have lost and found yourself
would you have been wiser
Twisted roads made you learn
Mistakes are paths to spiritual growth
You know where you dwell
you know where you belong
When you've searched for home in the wrong places
In the swamps in the forests where the trees make no noise when they die
We hurt to understand
We fail to succeed
We love we hate to love again
To love better
We sacrifice pieces of who we are in the name of illusions & lovely lies
But this way truth can be told truth can be hold
And all the most beautiful words that you thought you'd never touch
Can be felt gliding like shimmering waters under your finger
If you had known what you now know
would you still think the same
would you have cried any less
Aren't tears a way to be real in a moment
facing one self the naked soul
That's beautiful to remain pure in spite of all the delusions and meeting with wolves
dark gobblins who think they are pirates and all that bunch of mirages
the chariots are black like their hands inked deception therein
We sometimes give our light for cheap but we keep on learning
The right doors to open to hallways to run and sing
With a feeling of lightness to feel so alive
invisible wings rinse the dirt rinse rinse rinse
we still need some time and growth to kiss the oblivion
behind me the graveyards my life is a garlands of poems(...)












The same place A new heartbeat
The same nest A brand new Home
Saraswati ripples and the water ballet has begun
Precious sweetness
Welcome to the land of True Adoration
Unconditional loving embrace
Wet eyes of Bliss's Dawn
Swirl and twinkle my little grace
can you believe this
Echoes and songs from beyond beneath and above
it aches my heart as the beauty invades my soul
So much light
scintillating as I hear the sound of her life galloping(...)



No more fear of void
Embracing and dancing with my words best friends
No more standing in line
No more waiting room
I'm over with the insomniac tightrope dancer in me
Dragonflies are gushing from my spirit
Awaken and freer as can be
Can you see can you see
The softness of being any and everything that you are
No more hiding in the attic
No more curtains to draw
No more chest to explore
and mine is forever a secret untold(...)




a beautiful sp by the wonderful Cari Ann wayman who let me edit it :-)



Ripples of poems we seem to be one as she dances inside
Finally a little hand
The softest place of dream come true
Pisces osmosis an ocean of deep emotions
We will mirror our loves and wishes
We will read it all without whispering
The most beautiful poem in utero
Writing my favourite story to be
I sing and dance to the sound of her delicate rhythme
What is your name can you tell me
Message of caresses sweetest understanding
You're changing me in the bestest way I could have imagined(...)



Be the Light that you are

You don't need the light they want to dress you with
You don't need the glow of their writing
It's the art of lying
In a bed of roses and dreams
You don't need the tinsels you're not their xmas tree
You don't need no wrapping who said you should be a gift
It's the art of pretending
That we can fly with squared cropped clipped wings
You don't need their mirrors what 's the use of being transformed
Into bunches of stars and chips that you're none
You just don't need to need
Your freedom is a gift
Careless and fleeting
Twirling no strings attached
You can't belong you are your own
Be the light that you are
Peel all the scratched tattoos
Who cares about that graceless ink(...)



Blessed be & namasté!

Healthy Heartbeat in Utero

We are happy we are overjoyed but to be totally honest right now it's still not so easy for me to feel the joy for most of the time I am super sick, queasy a lot especially when I'm on the computer
I wake up about 4/5 times each night to pee and enjoy some nauseas ^___^;;
wonderful!we're having fun!
sometimes I'm joking a bit telling my little rainbow baby" okay now I'm not sure you and I will get along if this keeps going on for ages!"

of course I am joking. We were so blessed to be pregnant again only two months after the painful miscarriage.

The first month of pregnancy was very depressing, I mean I was super happy to know very soon like I felt it.
But I got depressed because of hormones for sure and me thinking of life, future and all the things I have failed instead of being positive and looking at all my successes, wonderful ventures, everything I have managed to do because I just wanted it.

I am very aware now that I have a lot to be proud of but well beginning of pregnancy can be this way.
You worry about how you're gonna provide for this child etc, you just want the best for your baby and family.
I felt also very sad ,guilty and angry at myself about things I have done, mistakes and all.

But I am quite relieved now that I have totally erased pieces of my past.
What I cannot love I just erase and never come back there again because it's much better this way.

Also like the saying says if I have had known what I now know...I surely would not have done such mistakes.
But life is a place of learning so it's always good, this is how we grow.
And Goddess knows how much I learnt and grew in this year 2009.

I am really different from the person I was in 2008, I am the same too in some aspect of my personality of course :)
but things evolves and it is great.

I am enjoying being 30!
and I cannot wait to see my baby again.

We first saw our little pisces baby on august 1st
my darling sebastien came with me which I appreciated a lot.
We've been so much closer and happier this year which is wonderful.
We saw the tiny heart bumping, it was so strange and fascinating!
Ha! but of course it was too short!
the image was in my mind for many days and everytime it brought a huge smile on my face.
I never had the chance to see an embryo at the first pregnancy because my first u/s was too early and it was way too tiny to see anything at all.
So it was a big first time!
it's big head, little body, fascinating to know it's inside me,growing.

I of course was very stressed to wait and see but I have tried hard to be positive as much as I could.
There were days of big tears because I could not handle the waiting and the worrying of the evil what if...
I have banned them now!
I keep positive affirmation in my speech as much as I can to bring good things to me.

There is much more communication, sharing and quality time together which we enjoy.
Our couple have definetly got stronger after all we've been through in 2008 and 2009.

Lately also seb grandfather died and this news in the early morning just totally broke my heart.
I even cried before he said the words.
I guess I cried for him.
Death really shake you and of course reminds you all your loved ones who had died before and how much you miss them.

Death reminds you how much you have to be there here and now for your loved ones.
Family matters a lot.
It's for me one of the most important!
That's why I am so eager to have my own little family:)

I felt how strange 2009 was.

I mean I understand more and perhaps at the moment accept more the fact that death is a part of life but really the fact you cannot change things.
it's done, like over you somehow down here made me really sad for some reasons.
We owed his grandfather a lot for this I am very grateful.





I have stopped painting and producing much art of any kind which is why I am really hard to reach these days, I am just resting.
I am sick most of the time, I have some nap in the day, I have lost weight so I am really energyless and it's something hard to bear at times.
I am a cerebral and compulsively creative person but these weeks I have really slowly put the artist self in brackets because I just can not think or do very much.

I have found a new passion: I am cooking!Yes indeed ^___^
but as soon as the nauseas appeared cooking became less and less interesting as food is not my fancy these days!

Except SUSHIS and I keep thinking of this obsession night and days, yeah it's insane.
I try to find excuses, to think listeriose is very rare and sushis are so healthy and easy to digest
sighs
I am truly frustrated.
I have seen many women have eaten sushis and some in Japan still eat sushis while pregnant, so we'll see.
Maybe I'll play the safe card at least for a healthy baby.

but sometimes the long list of all the things pregnant women should not eat is really boring and maybe too much.







I would have a lot to say about all the things I have done , discovered , loved and all during June and July
like wonderful movies that made me cry : The strange story of Benjamin Button , that I surely have to watch again.

Surely my most favourite film in a long time!
I just adored the idea, the emotions and how it was made, a real work of art/heart!
I just cried my heart out at the end of the movie.

Marley and me
that was a movie that made me think : Life is beautiful because it makes you cry.

I felt it was so real, true, just the life you know.
With human being having behaviours that truly were real, good actors!
I really love Jennifer anniston.
In the movie the girl has a miscarriage so it felt really close to my life, I could relate a lot and it gave me Hopes!
and a few days after watching the movie I knew I was pregnant again!
:))

I loved how it talked about the real life with emotion but not too much, and how our pets are really a part of our life, they remind us our past and all the things we lived together as a couple, a family!
I love this!
I don't like dogs very much and people can first think it's cheesy, but I don't know it was so well done that it makes it very emotional and real.








Sebastien and I are going to get a PACS which is often seen as a gay marriage here in France because it's the only thing allowed to them alas but for us it's like a pre-wedding, a way to renew our engagement and have the same rights of married couple without paying the whole thing because first we cannot afford a wedding now or at least not the wedding we want but also we both want our children to be there at our wedding.

Family is what matters the most to me and I think it must be so beautiful for children to live this moment of their parents celebrating their love after many years of being together :)
It's exciting and a thing to look forward ;)

We'll surely get married in about 10 years.
I love this idea.
The only thing I regret about this is that our loved ones will be older and some might not be there, but hey who knows!Let's be hopeful!
anything is possible!

voilà some sad things and a lot of good news too :)
Just the real life , the way things are.























conversations with ghosts


Hey Ghosts why people can be so cruel and stubborn?
Don't call yourself a bohemian a hippie if you can be so locked up in your mind.
We cannot judge!
Oh Goddess!We cannot judge!
Hey Ghosts why will they blame on innocents listening to tv and swallow all the shit they are served everyday to believe this world is sick?
God no!God knows!
The way people can look like unhuman vulture easy prey rip a piece
no rest in peace
you're mean I don't know what this really means but you are mean!
Look at the woman in the mirror
Anything is possible
Like spreading lies for aeons past the tomb
Seraphims know the truth higher above those clouds of your dirtiest minds
Hey Ghosts why people can be so narrow minded
does that mean their soul has those very cramped alleys
Does that mean their thoughts is only black or white?
Give us some rainbows!
Now!
We need to colour their plates full of hopes
And a way to make them see beyond and behind
Don't be a sheep don't oh no don't be a fucking damn sheep
Ghosts are you there?





















We are now visiting apartement to move for a bigger place.
I just really want to decorate a baby's room, I think it's important even if a baby does not need much room, it's also important for him/her to be able to sleep alone.
Surely the first month we'll have the baby in our room but then we'll try to let him/her sleep alone.

I am not someone who wants to have the baby attached to me all day/night long
I think what is healthy is to have a close bond to your baby and still have your love life, be a couple :)
I will always preserve that.
I love sebastien so much and I am so happy of the future ahead for us.
Of course I don't know it all but I am confident, I trust life and I know it'll be fine come what may because we are together in this.

I am impatient for our new life to begin but I will try to enjoy each day :)
at the moment it's still difficult, well it's especially the night that I apprehend a lot because I hardly sleep and my body aches.

But surely the second trimester will feel better so we have to wait till the end of august :)
we are going to see our baby again in september for the real u/s which will last longer and many things will be seen and measured:)
I just cannot wait!

At the moment we're on holidays and it's great even if I am exhausted we spend our time together and next week we'll visit more apartments and also will have some fun maybe visiting castle and beautiful gardens.
We also may go to Disneyland Paris yay!!!
yes of course I wont be able to do all the attractions but I am not eager to anyways I am too much of a scary cat
I just love the atmosphere there, childhood dreams, it feels good, you feel you're in another world and you play like a child again :)

I don't know, it's my thing!
yet I have worked there and hated and it totally destroyed the dream ahah, but I just forgot ;)
yet right now when thinking about it I wouldnt mind trying again.

At the moment I feel more like entering the real world, having a job etc.
I miss socialising.
But a lot of exciting thing are coming for 2010!
baby's due for 9 march 2010
but maybe it'll be on my bday on the 11th eheh imagine that if it's a girl mwhahahahh

cannot wait to know!
We will understand one another so well ^____^

Many blessings to everyone.
I don't answer much emails and all in the months, because we're on holidays and I just focuse on this and being with my love.
I have begun penpalling again and I enjoy it , I miss receiving real paper letter and meeting a soul, sharing stories, memories and life moments this way!
it's great!


Enjoy your summertime!
;-)

Blessed be Michael Jackson!Blessed be for all the years you made us Dream,Sing & dance!

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland


Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality. ~Emily Dickinson

Oh precious Emily, I cannot more agree with you dear!
You that I never met you are loved and thus immortal to me like a sister I have felt so close to.

We really have to LIVE & LOVE now.

love that video so much
so moving.

I do believe in a continuity though but still it's better to enjoy this lifetime, this experience in this body and this life to the fullest so we keep learning, growing for even greater future existences, other kind of experiences and maybe even other kind of dimension.

Death is not stopping.

I couldn't help crying, how could I?
And what for?
I am an emotional and hypersensitive person and whatever my beliefs are , death is sad.
It brings nostalgia,so many memories,a time of our life and also the fact the person won't create anymore.

And creation, art of any kind is something utterly meaningful to me.


There are those people who've somehow became associated to your childhood, your good times, the holidays in car across the country or even to Greece or Turkey with my parents and friends.
Ha! the lovely 80's and early 90's!
Loveliest time,carefree and somehow things looked realer than now maybe because of this pure feeling that we didn't need much at that time.

We knew how to be happy with what we had, then everything happened at once, and the more we got new technology and new things the more we wanted new things in every fields of our life.
That's perhaps why our era sounds so soulless.
Maybe I'm just a nostalgic or whatnot.
Maybe I'm just aging.

But is it a lie that children are lacking innocence nowadays?
everything is told to them way too early, we prevents them from dreaming longer, from enjoying this carefree time and from believing in magick, wonders and all.

Call me idealistic.I'm proud of it.
I will always believe in faeries and I am not the only one.

I feel I am so aware of the way our societies have been, we always see this.

When watching Pekin Express( a sort of real tv show about a race around Asian countries which is a very human kind of tv show according to me)we see that, how people in those poor countries are so more welcoming, how they invite people to sleep or eat in their home, while we are all barricaded in our home, to protect ourselves, we're all suffering from the ambiant stress and general mistrust because nowadays everyone can become a killer.

It does not mean I am hopeless about this world, of course not.
Just keep wishing we would all be more human.
I am often criticize on my big mouth, my being so damn frank and my expressing my anger.

But I am real and so human.
Utopia by alanis M.
this is still one of my most favourite song, because of the beauty purity and energy it has.

And I do believe that this mourning the Great Michael Jackson we are all united in this sharing of sorrow, of knowing how we're gonna miss him.

I kept for several years hoping he would do another album, something brand new!
He could have! He definetly could have blown us away once more!
He did so many times.

He made us dream, feel good, sing in car trips, laugh, dance.

I remember when I was ten years old I was deeply in love with him!
I even fell in love with a boy that to me looked kinda like him, maybe he did.
I remember he would brush his hair like Michael in songs like Billie Jean ;)

Billie Jean
I still sing out loud in my car when listening to that one I must admit!shameless!
But how not to want to dance and sway while singing that song ^_______^
it's full of a great energy!

I loved dancing listening to Michael Jackson, I loved his trick!
It should have been a shocking things but for children we often laugh at this and loved immatating him with my brother François.

we were fans.
Even my parents!
I believe especially my father, who would put up the volume whenever there was a Michael Jackson song on the radio and sing out loud.
I believe I kept that habit from my father (laughing)

I remember my girl friends at that time always told me and thought my father was so cool because he would sing Michael Jackson
But I was not close to my father at that time.
Yet when we shared this passion for M J we were together, united!

I love how Music has definetly this power to heal the world, to spread such a wonderful energy that people commune together.

Black or white

I have some tapes where I recorded my voice and my best friend of childhood D. when we were singing " Heal the world"
we were about 12/13 years old and we were just learning English,so it was cute to hear our accent!
I would love to listen to this tape now but Modern world I don't have any tape players anymore but in the car, then it means I'll have to throw away memories?

These memories were precious to me.
There are on these tapes the moments of the unique time of my life when I still loved my younger bro when he was a baby.
Then this love died away or turned into hatred, but as Hatred is useless I decided it Ignorance was bliss.

Bad

Yes I am not a perfect person I am a human being.

Smooth criminal

Michael Jackson has rocked my childhood.
I believe I have loved singing and as a child and teen I would sing with him all the time ;)
then I loved Kurt cobain early too ;)
but I still loved MJ at the same time.
Later around 13 I had a passion for Lenny Kravitz ;)

Music has always been a passion since I was born;)

I have a picture of me being about 5 and with big earphones of the 80's listening to rock music!

Music is a healer, a smile on your face when you don't feel good.
That is why we look up to those stars, they really make a change in our life.
It's not just being fan insane and wanting to know what they ate yesterday, I am not that kind of fan, I don't care.
I am an admirer of artists and have always been.

Heal the world

I love people who are true givers, who have this beautiful energy to share, to give Blissful emotions to others, the ones who make us dream, who Inspire, who spread the Love and hope!

I have always loved that and will always.That is always what I aspire to, to make people dream, to inspire, to keep creating with pure love energy and to spread it around.
This said I'm not comparing to those genius I admire, but I believe we are light wavers to unite this humanity, to awake the humanity in others, to make them Feel again and remember.

What truly saddened me is that Michael Jackson had been dragged in the mud for so long, people only wanted to criticize him and he couldn't be free at all.
yeah the kind of same attitude towards famous people like with Britney spears.



How honoured and impressed must Britney have felt on that day!
She has been blessed to sing with him really!


In the closet

People well mostly paparazzi have to spread shit on the hero, on the people who are so admired around the world.
Is it just envy?
Is it just money?

I also am quite aware that people will keep making joke even about his death of find ways to criticize, insult who they think he was and whatnot.

I wonder how these people sleep at night.
No dreams anymore for them.

It's definetly okay not to be a fan or even that MJ's music is not your cup of tea but then don't try to tarnish his memory what's the point in that?
Would you feel better then?

I will never believe MJ would have abused or hurt a child. Never.
He may have depression and a strange closeness with children right.
I also believe he was so rich that people would have done anything to ruin him getting some.
Whatever his personal life or his problems I think we love an artist not for his private life that should be none of fucking business!
We loved him because he made us dream and we all should have been perhaps more grateful for this instead of throwing him in the mud on the public place!

why you wanna trip on me

I am sure I am not the only today who is heartbroken by this death and who will live with this sweet feeling of nostalgia.
I am sure a lot of people on this planet are crying because of Michael Jackson's death and have those childhood stories to share about him.
I believe it's beautiful.

I truly hope they will make a real deserved homage to him on tv to remember, to mourn, to sort of say goodbye till later!

You know I would have a hard time believing a child of the 80's cannot have a memory with an MJ song:)
If you want to share with me some of your memories or thoughts about this death , please feel free.

You know he will surely be for us like for instance the death of John Lennon was for our parents.
A tragedy, somebody who will be missed and still admired long time after his death!

And I listened to John Lennon as a teen so I believe I can imagine my children(when I'll have her)listening to MJ one day.

We all dig in our parents musical past.
Especially when Music is a real important thing in your home, it has always been like this with my parents.

For sebastien and I too, music makes us feel good and inspired!

I wish I were in L.A now to be able to be their for MJ's funeral, not as a morbid desire, but to feel the love of humanity.

Why each terribly sad event of all kind unite us is not a mystery. Empathy is what make us HUMAN.

Empathy is the greatest LOVE on Earth and one of the Purest.



With all he did, with all his care and involvement, I can only believe on top of being an amazing and one of kind artist that a lot have imitate or got largely inspired by, he was also a Beautiful Soul.

The kind of person who is commited and don't only thing about life in pink or himself.

I wonder what Tori amos will express about this death, I don't know how at all what she thought about MJ.


Nobody will ever sing or dance like him.
He will be remembered and missed a lot.




He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran



Blessed be Michael Jackson, peace out to all his fans and the people,friends and family who loved him true for his art and humanity.

Waiting for the Summer fruits while remembering springtime flowers in the graveyard

More than a month later.
Times flies no wait! it's running after me!

Wish I had time to write my blog, surely it could do me good.
To write a little.
To just talk about my daily life and my art life.




It feels so good everytime I go back to my acrylic world ;)













I haven't painted much for a while.
Not in the mood, too busy with other things in my life, like phoetry for instance.
Working on different projects.
In fact for a whole month I was really incredibly busy but I handled it and I guess I loved it.
When you're so busy you go to the essential and you have no time for insomnia.
Kidding a bit, but working so much made me feel better.



You don't have to compartimentalize your self, especially if you're an artist.
Just keep expressing, share what you have to share, do what you have to do,always out of Love.
And I believe you are safe, for everyone interpretes no one ever grasp the truth of your own soul.
You only know.

who you are. And why you do the things you do.
Even if sometimes it can sound weird to you, with time and looking back you find the answers are all in the questions of your art, your heart.











(picture featured in my book In The Name Of Kali)





I have so many to express but I don't know where to start.
How to do a sum up on everything I've been lucky to learn and discover this past month.

First of all about Friendship and making friends.
Still the same old thing that people want you to be honest and they cannot hear your truth.
hey it's merely your truth, so it should not be the world to them right?

I have been through events that showed me true friendship required maturity, a bit of self trust to be aware of what you have to offer in this relationship, a good sense of humour and of course open mindedness and tolerance.

I remember when I was younger I somehow couldn't hear people disagreement with me, I would lose temper at once now I am okay to listen and I always try to see what the person means, how she or he perceives things.
It's always a question of perception after all.

If you're strong enough, you're not fleeing because of another viewpoint.

Immaturity can be cute of course it depends how it is shown but some people feel lonely and disbelieve in true friendship, or just want to criticize the rest of the humanity as if they had the monopoly of good heart or what?
This is so absurd!

Open your mind!
See further for goddess's sake!

I am always sadden when people don't want to grow and understand things.
Stubborness is a huge waste of time.
Of course we all have our strong opinion and we sometimes don't feel like changing,it's ok.
We have lived things that make us be who we are, but when you want to make friends you have to open and be ready to lose or suffer the fact you won't face a mirror.
We are all similar but all unique.
it's just so sad all the beauty people may waste with a locked up heart.

They may say it's because they've been hurt a lot in the past and disappointed by everyone and they don't want to trust anymore.
immature waste of time, we learn in this!
we learn through this!


There is something I really cringe at it's when people feel the need to criticize another to feel better about themselves.
Like " come on people stop whining and believe that fairies will pop out of your screen"

fuck this!and fuck you!
If these people want to share their emotions the way they do,it's their right
not please with this, kiss their asses!

I cannot stand those attitudes.
People should just live their life and stop pointing their fingers at other and how they live theirs!
Hell,Leave us alone!

I do not fear any criticize or anyone wanting to burn me, that's always why I chose the name " Ma Sorcière" at flickr.

I am totally utterly and completely accepting myself & happily pissing you if it has to.
never my goal well okay it depends if you tease me too much babe;)



People must see me as bitchy because I have a big mouth and anger is not something I am shameless to express.
I have read anyways in some Christian or catholic forums that anger was not so much of a sin
of course I do not believe in the idea of sin, I gladly play with it.
and if anger was a sin I would be then a shameless sinner.

Not out of rebellion, it's more than this.
I believe in expressing your disagreement, if you suffer because of somebody's behaviour it is just your right to tell them you are angry and why.
It does not mean hurting them on purpose.
But saying unpleasant things to them that is merely your truth on how you lived things, how you felt them and it cannot be changed.

We are the way people had treated us.
Like our parents in childhood and teen age for instance.

If your parents complimented you, hugged you, showed you care, lots of affection, if they made you feel you could do anything, if they were there anytime listening closely to your problems etc maybe then you can grow as a self confident adult and not have to endure depression or lack of self esteem at times.

Of course we have to cut the cord too.
Past is past, even if it feels like something has been stolen from us, something we can never have again.
A missing part in our life.
How to fill the hole? how it to heal it whole?

Art ,creativity, love and being real are possible answers to this, and of course to try not to act the same way.

We all live in cycles.
I mean cycles of sorrows and joy that come back to us and we feel oh I have experienced this before in another way perhaps, sometimes it could also be reminiscence of past lives.
Some present sorrow can re-open past wounds, it's the life.
How we deal with this?
expression and imagination.

There is enough energy in our soul to heal if we really want to.

Some people still come to me asking "how is the baby? how is your pregnancy"

I am like, well he, okay you didn't know not your fault, but I lost it, I miscarried.

Then the whole thing is back again, like a wave to my face and I remember it's me who've been through this maelstrom of emotions.

But I am definetly not alone in this.
I have been lucky enough to take pictures of wonderful children.
There are great teachers and my contact with them made me more and more understand how I have a real easy bond with children, that childhood is a familiar world to me.
A lot of people often say how younger I look in real life or on my photos, it's cute.












I really hope to keep learning and finally create another business as a photographer.
Especially children photographer because I love to capture that essence , the soul of this time, so pure, so innocent, where magic is unscathed.

To come back about anger, it's an emotion people often deny, feel ashamed, can't deal with etc.
I express anger easily when I disagree if it's something important of course I'm not angry at everything.
I love when I'm fine with everything, but the world is not bright pink everyday is it?
look further.

I believe it's because I am capable to love immensely, I share a lot of myself, I am a real human being or trying to always tend towards this.
I give, I try to inspire, I share and I do listen a lot.
The fact that I love big implies also the fact I can also be extreme with anger because there are things I cannot bear.
like Anais Nin said:

"The only abnormality is the incapacity to love."

Also some people tried to bother me with the fact I take self portrait that showed my body in a sensual or erotic way and then taking pictures of Innocence/children.

Well I do believe we are complete when we can express Mary and the Magdalene, of course you draw the limits.

I would quickly kick pedophiles asses.
I have seen other photographers taking sensual self portraits and also the most beautiful soulful and real portrait of innocent children and there was nothing wrong with that.

It's like a woman can be a Mother and she's still a sexual wife.
She's not only the sweet heart of the house.
We are multi sided, so is my art.


They fly
You're in them
They fly
You want them
entwined thorns so soft and touching
How beautiful the nightmares under my pillow under my bed under my heart
Ankle all swollen
Sore throat
Sense all sored
A wardrobe full of circean dress
Little darkness
Tame thy monster whisper the pixies
But all my garden have blown away
seeds of dandelions
No dreams no wishes
For another tree
To climb and let my soul soar
I cannot clean my wings
I am a bad needlewoman
I want to sew my lips together to prevent them to utter
my need my needs my desires



I believe my friends understand and enjoy the things I do without judging.

We have many different things to express.

so yes I have been working on a New Eve project!




and happily mixed Innocence and sexuality.

My thoughts are fizzing and I have many new ideas for books, but sometimes I'm like Hey hold on!
I cannot note all these things!
So I believe I have enough ideas for the next 10 years ;)
haha



Ha! this is one of my most fav poetic design since a long time!
It all appeared by magick out of the blue so thank you Fairies!Thank you muses!!
I am blessed and never alone.
Of course it's for an imaginary band so I had to imagine it all :)
It's always so much fun to me!



Band name: June Please June
Album name: Springtime watery songs

1)Alone at the White crow queen lake
2)April's flowers underwater
3)May drowned
4)Artemis river of presents
5)Strange path of the pomegranates
6)Away from the Fields of narcissi
7)Sister Demeter's letter
8)Third lane
9)Douceur de Léthé
10)Flammes à l'amer
11)4
12)Ocean of love and coffins
13)Blue funk stream

Of course one day I will make a book on this too, but yeah I need more than a life ;)



He said "Anais!Anais!"
I remember that name.
She said it could be your daughter's name, the one you'll never have.
I told him she was under a pile of pages of madness
He couldn't read my name anymore so I told him to be my hurt
He couldn't be my words
Even if he dared
How could Mr Empathy bleed as much as a woman
Not in my story anyways
Men invente themselves pain and women live through them
Always
For instance when you got a package in your car and you never dare
pull out the ribbon
then who are you?
A ghost?
Are you fucking insane?
I thought that was me.
I thought
All along the cinders a shoe that shouldn't be red
Sometimes you say you're afraid to acknowledge the water in your eyes
This hole darkest void
I wish I could be the rain when they ask for the sun

(...)



Still waiting
Red roses in the vase on the kitchen table
I hear the melancholly on the window pane
It echoes
Humide soft noises
She forgot her keys once again
Did she do it on purpose
On the bed Anais' dress
I could still smell her perfume
The satin of poetry that suits her skin like nothing else
When you meet Anais you never forget her eyes
All the secrets they tell when they penetrate yours
It's a strange moment right after midnight
Her ghost is above me invading her dress
Floating laces and the bewitching whispers
Then later I sway naked in the attic
Missing her touch
missing the way she understands
Each of her kisses not demanding not expecting anything
As the rain falls deeper(...)

she dances on the walls that she paints with her whispers:




(not completely satisfied with this self portrait but I love the poem with it)

There are demons on Rachel's road
It's in her name
It's in her faith
Along the ground
Debris of all the things she recalls
We hear evil songs on Rachel's road
Among the particules there is note
Something that caress your neck when you sleep to dream
She doesn't remember much of these nights
One day she'll tear up the horizon On Rachel's road
The ravin isn't far
You could come with me
If you want to feel
desert of books not to be read
But if you do you cry the same
Like the black doves
After all the grins having cut you through
After all the thorns having slashed you open
She wanted to be wide open and freed from turmoil
There are flowers of lies on Rachel's road
"Can you hurt me now? will you hurt me now? If I ask you to?"
When you lie down
The ground is hot
You gaze at the ceiling for hours in the dark
Except it's the sky the beginning of void
Wishing it could tumble down on you
So you wouldn't have to be sewed back
With all these things inside
I wish I could tell
On Rachel's road silences are obsessing mesmerizing
I wish I could tell
But the distance is drowing near(...)










Maybe in the world of fake she could be the one
Behind her mask behind her glowing dress
He didn't know the whore was a giver
Forgive her
How many times she would dance this way
Always the same right steps left steps
Completely poisoned and tamed
You try to love her
She leaves with no word
Next year for the same entrance
She's in trance in her bleeding world
Everyone want to protect her but most abuse
She will claim it's her right to suffer
Her only desire
Because she cannot love her
Fasten this little terror
Quiet she knows it's better to be fucked than alone
Ella Jane always drown to the darkest horse underwater
You're not Ophelia
Tear that dress now
She will cry in my arms talking about strength
I witness the massacre in her bleeding poppy fields
She cannot sleep anymore
She remember spreading not wanting
A big S on her heart
There are cinders glowing cinders
Wish I could have helped my sister
But she cannot realise she has given up on her own
I told her everything was better not to
And she smiles
The most noisy smile you've ever seen
You see how she will kneel when he'll ask her to leave everything
You're gonna leave your home
You're gonna kill your soul
This big S in the middle
I won't blame their testosterone shackling & their weakness
This time I wish you loved your self
only this time


another poem that had to be shared, hoping some sisters out there can read and perhaps decide to take the power back and to be their own.

I often think about this, how women became half of themselves for a man, this is so sad.
As for these men they are so weak.
Their power resides only in controlling, how pathetic.

People have to be reminded what Love is sometimes.
A lot of ego is taking part in painful relationship because no one really dares to give in to Love, what it merely is. The beauty of it.







Another twig though springtime is gone already
Gabriel Gabriel sing for me lullabies for her
In her dreams for me
She's waving from the other side
Seraphim are holding books and taking notes
Filling pages of the sounds of my love tears
You're not there I don't even know your face
But in all the petals of light I wrote how much I miss you
Letting my heart swirls yearning for this blessing
Come little darling we've been waiting for thee
Blood roses spiralling around my china breaks
Lilith dances in my laces and she says
How pure this love can be
Pomegranate leaking on my chest
I wait for the magic to come
Hail all the angels
Impregnating my souls to the saraswati waters
Poetic ripples in the depths of my heart
Bring me my daughter!
I am a mother!
Bring me my daughter!
(...)