obstacles vs hopes/smiles vs rain

Oh Goddess!!

The harmony we've waited time to create and taken care of as just been destroyed!
We tried to find a balance a way to avoid arguements and all of a sudden the war for computer has come back ^_^

well I am totally joking about it, because I need to laugh and cultivate some humour, some fun, some positive energies to grow flowers of Hopes in our garden ;)

Yes my Pc crashed! what a bad @@@@%%% luck, I mean, seb got rejected for many jobs now, and the results of the tests are negative so he is not selected
Everything keep going the wrong way, obstacles,over obstacles
too many @@@@@¨¨¨¨closed doors
I am getting frustrated and angry at all this

the thing that reassure me and make me want to keep thinking positive is that we are fighting this adversity together,not always because we dont live it the same ways and of course it has created tensions, but right now, we are in this together.

& the pc crashed so we fought to be the one on internet °____° kidding
No we really try to be fine!

A solution is coming our way so I have to remain positive!

But the job thing is depressing, everything is depressing
even my business, because of all these obstacles and the @@@@%%%% lack of money...
was I a dreamer? where is the passion and trust gone?

I dont know.
Too much anger maybe.

It is just so difficult in France to live as an artist, all the formalities, all the taxes and things like that, it is very discouraging...

I am thinking future, close future, I can't handle the idea of not being pregnant,not having my first child next year, I try to but the more I think about the more I think it still keeps leading my life to nowhere...

I am fine with solitude but on some days everything collapse or just slowing get stuck, paralyzed, I see everything frozen,like dead, everything grey and dreary, just maybe like the weather

But I dont complain on the weather, I kinda like the rain, maybe I prefer the rain to the very very warm weather when you are melting, sweating & can't sleep at all!

we have this month and august to find solutions, to find a way...

I know seb might have to take another kind of job if he cannot find something in graphism and webdesigning

but really I know it won't be great, I can't see our life this way!
this idea is just awful
but yes I know I am quite aware nowadays in France many people do boring jobs that they are not interested in at all, just because we have to be sensible and take what there is, not be too demanding and hard to please

that sucks!

well I did not want to write a boring lamenting entries ;oP

I mean I am fine I am lucky I am healthy and seb is and my funny Takun is ^_^

Here is My G list:

1) Gratefulness: because it is important to value this, to thank the dear ones , to acknowledge our luck,our beauty etc, there are many reasons to be beautiful to be good to keep hoping and sharing

2)Garden, I love the place, mystic, religious, spiritual, garden of knowledge,of the soul,of dreams, of childhood memories etc
I always think that when you have a real bond to a person you can feel the grass you can dare to walk barefooted you can feel home in certain place, I love that!
I really love to be invited in a soul garden, I think it's the only way to make true friends with time, to keep things long lasting and growing,blooming ;)

3)girl, pretty word, pretty world, I love girls, I love my sisters, I try to be understanding and helpful in my way, I hope to have a baby girl...some people often thinks it s just to play like with a doll, but it's just to play, I really want that mother and daughter special bond! it means a lot to me!
I can see it, I am sure it is as beautiful as I wish :)call me idealistic dreamer :oP

4)galaxies, the space, the univers fascinates me and scares me
what is happening elsewhere in the world?
are we alone? do you think?


5)grace, I love the word I always wanted to be graceful when I was dancing, but oh my ;oP
what is grace? moments of full of grace, bliss, something subtle and magic, bewitching:)

6)gullible, I think some naivety is sweet, really,touching, but I hardly bear people who take advantage of the gullible girls who are too sweet and lovely... I want to think that what goes around comes around, but using people,slaining naivety that way,with betrayal and lies it is so ugly, so cruel!

7)grumpy, a way to describe me sometimes ;-) especially in the morning:o)
or around smokers or when I notice lack of respect by others

8)gravity...as a metaphore high joys that collapse, everything always attracted to the ground...whatever we do we can't fly but in a dream so we try to savour the time when we can float a little above the ground...I love studying gravity when I do yoga, lying down
anytime you feel truly bad and depressed just lay down on the floor, feel the gravity the attraction, the heavyness of the body, and let go, let all the negative emotions fall downer and downer...It makes the body feel lighter somehow, and it may look weird to lay down in the living room for instance but it's nice to do weird things sometimes,to be unsual...

9)General Joy by tori amos

General joy I know I know
You'll take me there -
Where your boys were left behind

General joy it seems you need
A soldier girl -
Now "they" have liberty gagged

By boat by tram by motorbus
Could it be the fates are protecting us
From the hawks that have stolen the bird from the sky

And I know
You will always love sorrow
Is that why
You gave her dress to happiness?
'Cause it matches her eyes
When she cries

General joy it seems
You don't love your bride
Generally
You're friends but she is not the love of your life

To dye to perm to change your hair or your wife
The possibilities are there
And it's time for you to decide

General joy I know I know
You'll take me there -
But you'll need strength
From within
General joy it seems you need
A soldier girl -
And a willing coalition

By boat by tram by motorbus
Could it be the hawks are protecting us
From the men who have now assumed their name


love that song:-)
10)gem I love lots of them, very light amethyste,amber,citrin,moon stone( not sure it s called that way)

11)giving
12)glitter
13)glimpse
14)glow
15)guide(spiritual ones)

anyways whatever I am fine so do not worry, I just need to feel positive not to give up...

Sebastien's blog

http://pampelemousse.blogspot.com/

hey friends! if you have a moment, feel free to have a look at my love's blog and say hi!
he is doing so many funny cute things and seems to be popular with the girls ahah ;)
he is trying to keep a commitment to illustration friday so that he will be motivated to work more for himself:)

blessings, sweet dreams***

Poetry comfort ,crappy paintings and the power of fairytales ^_^

I close my soul mirrors & tuck myself in with thoughts of you
In the Daylight I tiptoe towards your dreams
Can you sense it can you see me
My friend my sister my Twin of the Soul
Let's walk in the forest of words where our heart beat at the same rythme
Let's dance in Oceans of silky embrace & true sharing
where we don't need to speak we smile as we get in this world of us
We understand one another as we fold our wings as we shed our 'self'
We grasp the meaning of each dots & we learn the bliss of sighs
And we patiently wait for more
More waves more swirls more gems more pearls
(...)
***********************

May I utter the words may I
because the bird in my head swirls and sings
songs for thee chirping silly melodies
you fill my heart with melted stars
like a long time lost twin you grab the pieces
Of a healing soul unison & higher understanding
All I can hear is a whispered " I don't know why I don't know why"
and the echoes flies back to me " because... because..."
what if I'm wrong what if I hurt anew
All I can say is that I'll be grateful to have met such a wonderful you



***********************


I wanted to say I'll show you my awful paintings and a fairy collage but well some person seem to like them, anyways I dont like the two paintings though the idea was interesting it feels uncomplete and awfully awkward just like me:oP
everything is available so let me know if you are interested!

My answers to adversity

tagged by my dear faery friend Marie and inspired by this blog:

http://adversityuniversity.blogspot.com

okay as I have spent enough time on the computer today I will make it shorter as can be as I dont know if people will read and that'll be useful or not etc
so let's go

I first asked my sweet love about it and it was rather funny, he is so funny, we dont react the same way ahah ^_^he is the cool one...I see him, the tsunami can pass over his head he take a deep breath let it pass and try not to worry about it more,it is what it is, I love to think he is so wise and cool Peace out! you know!
but he is just a careless guy:oP
he is very casual always ^_^ no drama with him not an overwhelming avalanche of emotions! thank God I saw a tear in his eyes once or twice ;oP
or else I would question but he is like that, I have accepted that,it mostly makes me laugh now and it also helps me a lot for his behaviour helps me take distance and see things a different way!

he is sometimes the voice of my counsciousness ;-)

so me facing adversity?

If I remember my depression I would say I don't face things when I get too fragile and emotional, I just got them like a violent slap in the face, and I endure
I dive in the dark waters, I sometimes hate myself my weakness, my being too sensitive and so I drown myself! I abandonned myself!

Rigt now it is much different!
so here are my ideas or advice to face adversity:

1) Be sure of what you REALLY want! this is your life, this is your soul and you have to decide as painful and difficult it can look sometimes, believe me I know, it s awful and great this free will!

When you are aware of what you need want, you just go for it or stop crying like a baby and dreaming because this gets boring!
I have had fights in the Past with lovely girls, I dont deny they were sweet and fragile and I might have been cruel with frankness, but I could not motherize

People are complacent in the safety of darkness sometimes, there are ways out of this
I dwell in possibilities

and I get easily annoyed at cowardice, mine as well, dont worry!
( oooh I have such a nice lover, he is cooking for me!!! I am blessed really, if you have seen the hoovering picture you know I am so lucky ahah, well it's not like this always, I have to notice that ahah, memory for later ;)

I Have spent years in procrastination self doubt, self hatred and whatever, I could have decided earlier to change this!
But maybe I learnt through this

I think it's different for everyone to know when it's time for a change because you are killing yourself not deciding to LIVE deeply not making your Bliss alive, come to life, be there be here and now!

I know I have still so much to learn, and to do to feel proud of me, but I dont mind that.
I am glad of where I am and I enjoy the journey right now it s more confused and worried but we'll be fine I know that :-)

2)Find the ways the better ways ^___^

this reminds me the beautiful soul of Kurt Cobain<3

I think there is not only one way to get to where we want to be, to become who we are.
the adversity might be failure, might be believing we lack of this and that but maybe we do compare too much!

3) I agree with that
"2. Take Responsibility - Rather than blaming anything or anyone, I force myself to take a hard look at the situation at hand and see how I might have attracted it to me (i.e. Was it my attitude? Was it my ego? Was I careless or impulsive? Was I too attached to the outcome?)"

seen here:http://adversityuniversity.blogspot.com
not sure who wrote this, it s a bit confused, haven t looked at the profile etc so I imply it is Stephen?

It's important to be responsible for what happens to us, making decisions, being mature and sensible about it, aware of the risks of rejections,failures etc

what is life if we don't take any risks? people often say they want inner peace, I want to be fine in peace with myself, but this idea of inner peace sounds very much like boredom,not waves,no swirls, no wind, no rain?

we need seasons and the magick of emotions dont we?


4)get surrounded by believing mirrors because you can run be your worste enemy at times.
I am blessed, I have lovely friends, creative souls ,wise faeries who gives me energies and positive lights to see clearer, to improve, to evolve and stop doing the same mistakes again and again!

to come back to the responsibility thing believe me rare are those who take them, we say adult, but it s but a word, I have met lots and lots of adults who truly behave like child!
when I see silly things on tv that people are ashamed to not drive in a beautiful car because they lost their job and what their neighbours will think?
I m like o_O say what????huh?

I mean we live this life for us, not to look beautiful to others and please them and be wonderfully judge, because who CARES?

I think many persons have still to be delivered from this, freed from this!
I don't really know why we fear some much the eyes of others because after all they are human and faulty like us, they have dreams and doubts like us, they are insecure like us, we all can be in that place.some just hide it better.

5)never betray or abandon yourself! because it takes time to heal!

6) ask for help dare to shed your self, be real, be the truth the fragile and naked truth, be what you like in others/muses/mentors/friends/sisters/ideals...take pieces ,get inspired, make your own glow, share your own spark! your light is one of a kind and you have to believe in this!

and because you've been nice and patiently reading I offer you this, singing out loud is always a wonderful way to fight adversity ^_^
( and there is art, expression writing blablabla(...)





Tori is beautiful, but I really dont like much songs like body and soul or bad man on her last cd, they are boring, body and soul is so annoying to my ears wooooh...but I still love her:) I think it's more real when we can not like things from people we love and admire and still love them truly:)



beautiful weekends, be gentle to your soul and beloved ones***


if you want to share your own answers to adversity consider yourself tagged ^_^and let me know:)

Create your own Bliss

1) What in your life is being built?
2) What inner vision do you carry?
3) What must you do in order to accomplish your true goals?


1) What in your life is being built?

I think first of all my artist's path is being build, each day I try to improve myself, I learn , I challenge myself, I paint or make collage and I try to find something new to add.
I need to keep growing as an artist and hopefully live from it but I keep my feet on the ground for now as I have still a lot to do!

Developping as an artist is entertwined with my growth as a writer and my inner life.
All these on my journey are helping each other, my writing can inspire my painting, my inner life can inspire my writing and so forth...maybe it's a circle of creation that never ends.

Then I am also building a sharing of Light with sisters, something Kindness & Empathy to Pay forward, but this is my only Idealistic hope of course ^_^

I have met all along my journey many wonderful souls who have touched my world and who made me want to share the beautiful positive energies or healing energies they kindly offered me sometimes not intentionally not knowing it!

I want not only to inspire but also to make my like minded sisters out there to believe in themselves, to love their soul, to acknowledge their beauty and accept their flaws and just live the life they want, make their own Blissful moments Happen because they can!
I am here to support my creative sisters to share that anything is possible and art is just expression nothing scary nothing to judge no rules no limitations just love and beauty ^_^


2) What inner vision do you carry?


I carry many inner vision, sometimes full of colors and lights and sometimes so dark ones, I am very severed and layered I'd say which is why one of my important aspect is this feeling of being parted and not knowing how to decided which path to choose sometimes because it often happens that I think two things totally opposed just not being sure & I dont enjoy much being that hesitant!

One of my inner vision is the Ocean of stars and blossoms for instance, one of the most peaceful place for me to meditate feel safe and forgive/forget...I resource myself there.

I also carry visions of things I have lived in previous life and I sometimes carry visions of future in my dreams mostly, these visions help me and inspire me or sometimes they make me feel stuck and think maybe for a reason.


3) What must you do in order to accomplish your true goals?

hum, right now I'm getting slow and feeling stuck because of all the uncertainties of our present situation.
I get worried, but most of the time I just follow my heart, I listen to my depths, my inner guides,my friends inspire me and make me go on trust myself & focuse on beauty and my goals!
I know I am walking the right path when I make other feel inspired, feel better,feel heard ,seen or understood
I work hard(that often makes me laugh because yes it's not painful but it is psychologically tiring sometimes ,the process of growing learning things and not being that good at once because we evolve..., I don't give in nor do I give up or at least not too long ;oP
(because yes I can hide that I doubt and can feel very bad about everything myself my art life and the way the world is...)


you can feel free to visit
http://virtualcircle.blogspot.com/ and answer these questions yourself!

Blessings***

softly not promised

moody sullen pensive & tired

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.this is to have succeeded.(Emerson)

hindu wisdom
No one can die. None can be degraded forever. Life is but a playground, however gross the play may be. However we may receive blows and however knocked about we may be, the Soul is there and is never injured. We are that Infinite.

-Vivekananda