lundi 10 mars 2008

Thank Goddess I am still alive!

I have always known that negative energies make you go downstairs in your own little hell, deeper and deeper.

Sometimes I see how I can spend hours or weekends complaining and nurturing all these bad vibes in me and it leads to physical pain.

66/366: Get out of my Garden!


and I still can see the light, always, more for others sometimes than for me and God that pisses me off about me.

Marvelous Wreck

I got an awful migraine again...ok now it's every weekend, not good at all.
But anxiety and insomnia don't help me much, I need to do some meditation and rest a lot today.
I also need to drink a lot more like my dear friends always tell me, so adorable they are to care about me.
One in me says " so what?are you wearing that funny mask again? to the hell with your fucking abnegations and all the crap that they hide!"

Tear her Mask tell me who she is

I am not a dark soul.
I have darkness in me like everyone do...We have to be careful not to label ourselves with our sensations and emotions because we do reduce our being and all the things we can be/become.
I am full of springtime too...

If I am a Book of Incancations, Will You Read me?(detail)

If I am a Book of Incancations, Will You Read me?

I love payne's grey color, so deep,so interesting to work with.
My energies are renewed everytime I buy painting and books and I did this weekend.
Sure I felt a little guilt because we are rather broke and I shouldn't spend money but these books they will help me.
It's funny because I know myself, I bought them to help others first, that's insane,that's sick really!
I need them for me too!
I have migraine, a bit of vertigo still and mood swings...

but the moving is a stressful time.
I will have to pack things alone.
I don't have the energy for it but you know it's true the less you do the lower your energies get.

I have to know what to do for 6 weeks alone.
next weekend my sebastien won't come back.
This means, me alone, my bday alone, Yay!
Everything is perfect in the most beautiful world:)
I am just laughing at this.
It's not as if I truly was a wreck. I need to shake myself to find some positive energies back!
What would you tell a friend if I was not me Helene?

the tree that wanted to be a dancer

I have to organize myself better, to stress less, what will come will come, just let it go let it bleed, I cannot "control" everything, I have to allow the unexpected possibilities, after all it won't necessarily be bad.

I have two other paintings to finish & then I'll show them.
I will just rest,read,meditate and have a nap if I need to, I really hardly slept last night.

wish I had more interesting to share but no energy today.I just can't wait to begin my New Life, I am not meant for staying alone for hours,days & nights and weeks in waiting room, I'm kinda claustrophobic...
I will feel better and recover from this night of suffering along the day, don't ask too much from me today...

4 commentaires:

She Who Flies a dit…

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this Hélène and am sending you hugs that go beyond the virtual. Hang in there. What is meant to happen will happen. I think sometimes we use up so much energy worrying about things and trying to make other things happen... I know I have at times exhausted myself doing just that. Don't push the river. Flow with it... if you can.

Packing alone? A little tip from an experienced mover ;-)... Don't wait till the last minute to start. Pack a little every day. Even just a box, or two. It makes a huge difference. It's also a great time to discard anything you no longer want as this will free up more energy for that new chapter of your life.

I'm thinking of you. Take good care, will you? And enjoy a very special day tomorrow.

SooticasDream a dit…

You know I've been feeling the same over the last couple of weeks. Really drained & with painful headaches!
I wish I could help.....I understand when you say you can see the positives of others more than for yourself at times. I'm just the same. We should just bat off positivity at each other! ^____^

Moving is no fun. I read somewhere that it's as stressful as going through a divorce or loosing someone close.
I think "she who flies" has good advice. I can see packing just a small amount each day instead of at the last minutes would be SO much less stressful.

Spending time alone on special days isn't fun I know, but try to see the positive. Your next birthday you'll be in a lovely new home with some more money in your pockets.
If I was local I'd drag you out for the day, but just know I'll be thinking of you tomorrow ^____^

Maria a dit…

Celebrate your new birth, old birth, being alive and feeling. Be happy today and tomorrow Helenina; no matter what. Buy yourself a flower and spend the day with it. Inside, a flower is you and me and the earth and sky and moisture and miracles and life and the universe, all disguised as a flower : ) You are also a flower. Happy almost Birthday Helenina! Rejoice.

Jake a dit…

Thinking of you, Helene. Be good to yourself.