mardi 4 mars 2008

Solitary Bride of Words

Self-inflicted emotionally tortured soulmate of an e-book

Self-inflicted emotionally tortured soulmate of an e-book

I am your most deliciously rotten bride of twisted writings
You have built a miserable bridge of words and thought between our souls
I won't have to wait for the end if there's no beginning
And God I love this impression
mon petit déjà-vu I don't want to taste our graveyard
So please never cover my skin with flowers
My vital center throbs under your white thoughts lost in dark space
Don't get too close don't take my hand
Don't ever dare to write with your blood on my skin
I gasp at our wonderful closing-off
We will never miss one another
ah twirl with that blind dead serious liar

Bride of words

Bride of words

Bribe Anubis my lonesome traveler, celestial tramp
I'll be your aeonian bride and we'll write with the ink of our souls
the ink of our tears, the blood we breathe ,our book of Dreams(...)

Today I'm not feeling so well, closer to my surely lonely bday...a week... I can hear the tick tock

"I cant explain the secrets
even to those who can hear them
they're inside of me like gut feelins
but I just can't put my finger on " this is it"


I miss the art of writing letters.
I miss having persons who were interesting enough to exchange letters with me
yes that sounds so haughty
I am not
who knows me know I am not haughty and yet I can sound like this many times just because well I am in touched with my innermost self most every second and I know what I have to offer so I can just allow myself to be enraptured or nothing at all.

yes with age I'm just getting even more demanding.

Yesterday I sort of contented myself with little and I got awfully surprised how people could be bitter and agressive.
so strange.
I chatted with some guy...
I think that man just wanted to hurt my feelings because it was easy to confuse me at that right moment and on that day. I don't know at all.
It's been a while I haven't met that kind of bitterness that want to make me think how wrong I am and how pathetic I am.
I still stand for my goals and my opinions. It is okay.
What is strange is that it mostly happens in French, when I speak English I hardly get agressive feedbacks or attitude by my American friends or friends from other countries who speak English.

I was just getting used to feel respected and at peace with men.

but I can't deny how emotional I am, and how my sensitivity can still be reached by complete stranger, that's an issue I have to deal with, to protect myself better.
but I am also bored with my past mistrustful distant self.

I have been so very distant from men for years.
I only wanted sisters as like minded companions.
I didn't hate them but I had stop thinking they had something to offer to me and yet we learn from differences and similarities.

I felt as I had my sébastien why on Earth making friends with men?

oh and many of them were really boring when they were not agressive to me.
I know they saw things in me they could not bear.
Perhaps I am the kind of woman that brainless men feel like insulting because that s all they can do to me to reach me.

we cannot please everyone...and I never want to!
But it makes me think that it's still interesting to listen to our Enemy,it s not just a quote, we have to be careful not to become what they are, show,do...
I don't want to let anger take advantage of this to control me and I dont want to be spiteful because someone just want to tell me what they see of me that is not me.

this is just absurd.

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