9

I guess it's surely my last post before Nina's birth.
I am so emotional that I will perhaps need time to share my thoughts and photos of her, but I am so eager to see life in her eyes!
will she have her so beautiful dad's light colored eyes? I hope so but for that I guess we'll need months to be sure!

When I think I'm soon going to hold her in my arms everyday, it's pure bliss, it blows my mind...for everytime I hear a newborn's cry, see a baby smile, hear them laughing, I feel this emotion in my heart, I am going to be a mother...

It's something I am going to be passionate with , a role in my life I will honor and celebrate!
I am so happy God!

I am even happier that this happiness is shared with so many people, that it does not locked me in a bubble, it makes me spread more of my self, it makes me have more love and sweetness to share.
It makes me relate with all moms to be or young moms.

All along this pregnancy I have been able to create new and beautiful friendship bonds which I hope will last and blossom!

Nine in the number.
My love and I celebrated our 9 years anniversary with all the turmoils and beautiful moments we've lived I'm amazed to be there now, 9!already?
And today I am beginning the 9th and last month of pregnancy with the intuition Nina will arrive earlier( but maybe it's only my big desire and impatience now that is talking...naaah it's my intuition :P)

Anyways, she will arrive in two or four weeks, we'll see, but it really sound so little now and I'm going to live this amazing moment, I am going to share this most beautiful day and all these special emotions with my love and family, it's amazing!

I am tired on and off, I was feeling good on sunday.
We took the excuse of Valentine's day to celebrate our anniversary again ;)and went to the restaurant!

I wanted for Valentine's day to create some artworks for my friends and random act of kindness:)I went back to my first love for mixed media collages, playing, cutting,glueing, scattering glitter :))
it made me happy to made those and I still have about 3 to create but not sure if I'll be able to.





I also have edited friends photos and wrote some inspired poems, here two beautiful selfies by Sara:


Sara's secrets
like shedding petals and glows from the boughs
The most beautiful Princess wearing her shadow
wet feet in the blue puddles she plays
Reading words and names the trees reflect
Sugary child like magic
Like springtime in her eyes
Behind her the winter layers & snowflake tears
When they are all frozen
You will know what they have written
And light oh so Light
Sara will wander
In the poem Gardens
She will shout her colors
Pigment of truth
fearless ribbons of all her emotions
She will be heard and understood
And her Soul will rebirth
(...)




hat's on if I show you my feminine frailty how will I be taken seriously
Make a wish
hat's off if I show you I am a man how will you allow me to cry
hold the leash
If I look at myself in your mirror I will never dare to be me
Along the forest to my core
my soul is open and sore(...)

two pictures of the beautiful Lindsey:








Bipolar lands
Such an frozen ocean of dichotomy
streams of masks
dress of lace and leather
Entertwined emotions in each threads
Can I breathe again
Eyes wide closed
I see the core
Who am I when they dance around me
Nature spirits and reminiscence of antique stories
vintage photographs around her dead body
Winter was never the season
bitter snowflakes on my tongue
I read the heavens truths
How we all wander in the woods to find the words to tell our life
our lies our strifes
From sunshine caroussels to dirty graves
From enchanting fae nymps chants to dreary escapes
We walk through our own stories
Trying to recollect the pieces of who we are who we were
Hoping to catch a glimpse of everything we can be we could be
treading on so many perhaps
Chocking the maybes
Never believing in our glow
unable to love each day the way they are
Running from orchids hills
Falling on slopes of chills
our wraths our lures
our paths our vultures
The crow songs always so mesmerizing for the melanchollia in me
enemy
cradling my dreams how to grow in the mud
Photophobia
Wearing my favourite little black dress
the same one for so many years
Pelted soul with cosmic storms
Twirling with my delights devoring the days when dark shines
collapsing in the decaying books of hopes
Too many birds
have lost feathers
My personas my loveliest sisters
Alter ego queens of thistles and dandelions
Swallowing dust biting clouds
hanged to the silver lining
Forever changing with moired colored worlds
Always the same with a keycode heart realm
(...)



little heart
little bird
let me sing you my soul springtime
Sugarplum
sweet pie
let me me show the moonlight
The nest is ready
My arms wide open
The garden feels so alive
Overflowing with flowers and vines
I think of you day and night
Still no face on so many sweet names
baby love my lovely rainbow
Your precious energy has healed me within
The day of your birth
The woman in me will be born again
We will spread our wings together
Pouring glitter on one another
Humid eyes
We will feel home again(...)

***


























this one is surely one of my favorite pregnancy picture because really it was not easy to do this bubble shooting, I always had to jump on the bed, blow bubble and try to get ready to be a minimum photogenical ^____^
but it was definetly worth it, my last shooting of my pregnancy, as now I wont do no more, I am waiting for Nina to be my new favorite model :))♥♥♥



I love that one too, I look more like a woman than a babywoman, it's different :)
and I'm so in love with my rainbow jade necklace!

and this is a series I have enjoyed so much doing, it came to me all naturally in a early morning day and it was a real cool feeling to do weird and disturbing images in between the sweet ones :)
It was inspired by IRM, the song written by Beck and sung by the wonderful Charlotte Gainsbourg









when I listen to that song I just feel like singing and dancing:))it's very fascinating and it carries me away:)



I look more child like on this picture and I love it:




On Valentine's day I wanted to talk also about Asian New Year, because my mom's mother was from Vietnam and in my childhood we used to celebrate this and I loved it so much, especially the food, the beautiful show with the vietnamese singer always so pretty and well dressed like princesses and the chinese unicorn that fascinated me as much as it scared me if it would pass way too close to me ^___^
the music of the drums at that moment can be impressive for children ;)

I really hope later to go to a vietnamese New year show again, just to share this with my Sebastien and my children so they can see a bit of what I am made of.
I have all these memories and it's sad that in her last years my grandma was not nice at all, because it would be easier to remember her with love...I still can remember the time I loved her of course, during childhood, she was a really great grandmother taking us to funfairs, buying us delicious candies and cooking oh so good vietnamese food but not only!

I am going to learn to cook more vietnamese food this year.

I wish a wonderful year to all the vietnamese community and all the asian people!
This tiger year's gonna be oh so bright and beautiful!

I love to say that Nina will be a little tiger fish(pisces)
;-)
It's going to be real ,she's going to be there oh so soon now.
Yesterday seb and I went to a birth class,it was interesting :)

we are going again on friday, I love that because it makes more time shared with my love :)
and it's really wonderful to have been able to share this pregnancy beautiful adventure with him all along these months, yeah of course not always so beautiful, remember the so cool nauseous morning ^_______^ahah

Today I have the visit of Vanessa and her little Thiméo, which is going to be nice.

I miss my parents! yes. Yet I have dreamt of them so bad, nightmares, quarrels and all. But mostly these last days of pregnancy I am having stressful nightmares, nothing ugly or bloody but with negative emotions, worries...It's very exhausting!
and I keep waking up every hour.
So now my sleep is totally broken.

but maybe it gets me used to this if I have to breastfeed Nina every hour,we'll see that.
I am eager for this to begin, to see how it feels, to create a loving bond with her!
I so want to be close to my daughter, to get to know her deeply, to understand her, to be there for her anytime in her life, to listen to her closely, to awake her spirit and share with her my passions for art of any kinds, for words even for cooking :))

I so want to be careful to do things right so she became a beautiful soul with a kind heart.

As for Valentine's day it's not really something I celebrate in the commercial way(except for the restaurant, but it's such a pleasure ^______^ I love eating out, I also love discovering new food, new restaurants!)

but V day is an excuse perhaps to remember all the people we loved and/or still love.
The dead for instance.

And to live with awareness of the blessings to have so many loved ones around us, our family, friends, sweetheart...

I said this year was going to be the year of Friendship because it is love too!
but finally it's going to be the year of Love beautiful balance: family and friends.

Of course people who are single on that day can feel a bit lonely, as if life was not good to them, I used to feel that way, before sebastien I've had many lonely V day.
But we have to keep hoping and loving, may it be ourselves or all the things that generates this wonderful feelings inside us.
we don't find answers in having a boyfriend,fiancé or husband, we don't feel more complete in getting married etc not even less lonely, because somehow we still have some time alone and it's better to be able to enjoy oneself alone and love ourselves.

The key is inside us, we find a love balance in being at peace with everything we are and can be.
When we have found home and love inside us, we can spread it around and the universe will respond in time.

keep loving & believing!
You are love and loved.

Blessings & namasté,


Someone who goes with half a loaf of bread to small place that fits like a nest around them, someone who wants no more, who's not themselves longed for by anyone else, that someone is a letter to everyone. You open it. It say, Live. - Rumi



ps: and here you can ask me anything :o)

Welcome 2010 & all your blessings

I am so grateful that I have made it this far.
I remember all the things I have been through, all the things that happened in the world, all these years...and here we are in 2010.
A brand new decade, that I am hoping to be so full of Human Love, Hope and Sharing.

It's snowing again today.Now it's getting a bit boring, I will have to put my big boots on not to fall because I am going to see my doctor today.
But what a weather!

These days we haven't stopped. All weekends are so busy. Tidy, cleaning,errands( sales for clothes and things we need for our daughter)fixing things, decorating, rearranging the rooms. and now the weeks begin also to be cluttered with different appointments.
We make a great team anyways, helping one another,though obviously sebastien does the most at the moment, but I still don't just lie and sleep, I clean and prepare our home for Nina's arrival and I still cook delicious meals ^___^

I have also been able to paint! Yes!It's been ages!







I still enjoy painting but not it's not the way it used to be, I don't feel the need or the urge to paint anymore, I just do it when the mood strikes, if I want to tell stories and relax and feel creative but I really want and wish I can soon focuse on learning how to sew with my sewing machine :)

but I need to buy cheap and pretty fabric ,books and such.
It will be wonderful if I can make lovely clothes for our daughter and also for me.
I remember I have always been into fashion, excentric and very original clothes and I have always had many ideas.
I guess if I trust myself, I could be able to create real cool clothes with time who knows?
but right now I am totally ignorant about sewing and honestly I have never been very patient with that thing!

My friend Vanessa wants to learn to sew too so I guess it will be easier to learn together and share our tips :)

In January I had my first girl's day out with Ingrid, going out, doing shopping for our babies to come this year, eating out, it was really a lovely day!
I haven't been out with a girl friend since what...2003? perhaps 2002...I cannot remember.
It really lift my mood and we had a nice time.
I feel very lucky now to build friendships in the real life.
I have always known it was not impossible, it just alas needed time to be real.

This year's gonna be wonderful, I feel it.
Everything will be new and real, tangible, felt,magic...I am going to learn so much!I am going to live so much!

We are going to Love so much!


sebastien and I (with Takkun) did this yesterday.
I wish I could do more, I have some ideas but too tired really.

Maybe today if I can find some energy I will do some pregnancy pictures with the now so huge belly kicked and stretched from all parts by the lovely fae baby Nina :)













I have published another book:


it's all about our planet's wonder, and as always the profits go to Enfance Nepal the charity that helps children in Nepal and that I will keep on supporting along this year the way I can.
It makes my art be useful and also it helps me give back all I have been given by life and that luck to be able to create, express and find beauty in everything, everywhere.
I am blessed and grateful, thus it's important to share this.













Sometimes I doubt I am still an artist because I don't produce as much as I used to and I go everywhere, I don't really have a following line, well if I ever had one (laughing)
I just jump on the wave of creative energy and if it wants me to create sad things and then suddenly talk about bright light I just do it.

It's kinda like the weather,varied and unexpected.
The sun is shining right now, good, I am going to get some sun kisses on my skin :))
maybe no need for the boots ;)

I can see that in spite of my self doubts, I still am and will be an artist, I have to just keep expressing my soul as I do and share my own spark.



She kept a secret or two
My sweet Elise
Whatever the bird told you
They want her recipe of Bliss
Shimmers in her hair threads of words to connect
To your heart wires
The right way on the left
She colors her soul with her kitten kisses
Can you hear this neverending melody in her mind
The pastel carrousel is made of starlight chantilly
the sugar of life can be so easy
Just eat the grey clouds & found the silver lining
Get crowned and choose your king
The words on feather fly in the wind
My sweet Elise she knows how to cook the life juicy(...)



Going to the graveyard with Sara
She did not know which tomb to cross
I told her to take a picture of her heart
How many ghost would be dancing blurs on the film
Then write another twin story
Who cares when you are powerless not to repeat
Silent songs
January birds
The eye of the door
Sara at once open and closed
given and adorn
glowing and torn
you recite the same torment
spite the flowers
burn the seed
She said
" take my threadbare pieces to weave on the same nets"
a beautiful starlite darkest sky with the words she had no time to steal



because I hate you
like a black and white twister all fakingly romantical
semantical lies and so much dirt under the greeny grass don't walk there
she lies under
the little toads always in the same swamps(...)
****************************************


I still write poetry as you can see.
I have many poems in my head but I just don't always take the time to write them down.
I have another book of poems and selfies to publish as soon as possible, it'll be in English this time.
it feels different to write in French or English, and really I don't like to choose one language.
English has given me so much, I owe a lot to this language, to the teachers who taught, to my grandfather who was the first to teach me some English when I was a child, to all the penpals I met, as writing in English helped me learn always more and improve my English.

What I should improve right now would be my spoken English, I know it's my shyness but It would be so cool if I could really practise English every day or at least every week.
I'll find something in time.
Perhaps to make a foreign friend who lives nearby and wish to improve her French?



lately I have been quite into Charlotte Gainsbourg's music.
little monsters
it sounds like a lullaby I love singing it to my baby :o))

I love how Charlotte sings with an British English accent.

A lot of people often talk about her like a voiceless singer and such, they sound a bit condescendent at times as if to be an artist you needed to scream at the top of your voice and do such exploits with your voice.
I have seen people who can do exploits but there is no soul, their singing is talented but insipid.

Charlotte sings with her core and soul, a wonderful and touching frailty that reaches my soul.
I have always felt connected to her because of her extreme shyness and the way she talks so low when she is not at ease.
I have been the same for years, though I guess somehow I improved that!

I guess what I regret perhaps is that I think she does not write her lyrics,but she knows how to be well surrounded to make great and original art with her album.
I need to buy her two albums.

I think 5:5 is very romantic, a bit tortured and melancholic and very apeasing.

IRM is more vintage, rock and she lets go much more!
In fact she seems to have grown a new deep confidence in opening up and talking more of her self and what she lived.
I adore when she is humming, it's soothing.
I love the lyrics I guess they are beck's , I believe it's a great collaboration!she must have had fun doing this.
I also love the fact it brings us back to the seventies at times, some songs like heaven can wait really sounds like coming from another era and so fun to sing and dance on ;))




you could inspire any blind babies
It's such a piece of cake in your landscape of empty space


Here come the little blue girl
she comes to take me home
Indigo frailty walking on the blades above the void
Today is lonely
Tomorrow is none
Misery mermaids swirling in my blue maelstrom
Entangled in those pearls of dew and doubts
The hushed words can heal
silence silence silence
Here come the blue girl to take me home
mend the peaces with some glue
paint some crosses on my heart
I see my paper wings fading away
I need a needle but nobody knows how to sew
this
Miracle of moth holes gentle darkness like a broken tune of a lullaby
goodbye blue girl
I want to come home
feathers under your feet they read some memories
a bag of wishes under my pillow
And a bucket of tears by the window
for the birds to drink
for the birds to drink and soar
(...)

I have also edited some of my flickr friends' self portraits:





*******************






I'm beginning to think and think a lot about the birth.
in two weeks I am reaching the beginning of the term.
which means entering the 9th month.
Seb and I will try to go to at least 3 birth class (it begins on the 15th of february)
if I have to give birth earlier I will already be at the maternity ;) so nothing to worry ^___^;;

Now it's a matter of weeks really and it goes so fast, I am a little nervous.
I deal very well with it, but now and then I realise I'm gonna have to give birth to this baby and though I am so eager to meet our precious sugarplum, it's something new,it's the unknown, even after reading so much on this and knowing a lot I have never given birth, at least not this physical ways ;)

I really hope to cope with the pain and to manage my stress so things go fine.
I know how anxiety could block the contractions so I hope to be able to find ways to relax.
I'm having homeopathy and acupuncture treatment this month.
I still want to give birth with no epidural and I so hope I will be able to do so, it's very important to me, I know how I would feel bad in my soul if not, except if it's not entirely my fault.
I want to live this moment deeply and to be there for my daughter.

and I can't wait to discover breastfeeding.
I know how moved I am going to be...phewww I already know I'll in tears for a long time, I will need to digest all the emotions and the fatigue(physical and emotional).
Thus I will likely not blog and show Nina's picture at once I guess.

I hope I'll be good at getting organised to structure our new way of living with a baby. I hope we will still have lovely together time seb and I.
Surely it'll be upside down in the beginning, but I am getting myself psychologically prepared to face this :)
I am reading a lot on the subject.

Thank you to those who have offered gifts to our lovely baby it touches my heart deeply!
Catriona dear, I got your package this weekend and I love it, you are so adorable!
Thank you so much!

May 2010 be bright and full of love for each and every of you!