I am so grateful that I have made it this far.
I remember all the things I have been through, all the things that happened in the world, all these years...and here we are in 2010.
A brand new decade, that I am hoping to be so full of Human Love, Hope and Sharing.
It's snowing again today.Now it's getting a bit boring, I will have to put my big boots on not to fall because I am going to see my doctor today.
But what a weather!
These days we haven't stopped. All weekends are so busy. Tidy, cleaning,errands( sales for clothes and things we need for our daughter)fixing things, decorating, rearranging the rooms. and now the weeks begin also to be cluttered with different appointments.
We make a great team anyways, helping one another,though obviously sebastien does the most at the moment, but I still don't just lie and sleep, I clean and prepare our home for Nina's arrival and I still cook delicious meals ^___^
I have also been able to paint! Yes!It's been ages!
I still enjoy painting but not it's not the way it used to be, I don't feel the need or the urge to paint anymore, I just do it when the mood strikes, if I want to tell stories and relax and feel creative but I really want and wish I can soon focuse on learning how to sew with my sewing machine :)
but I need to buy cheap and pretty fabric ,books and such.
It will be wonderful if I can make lovely clothes for our daughter and also for me.
I remember I have always been into fashion, excentric and very original clothes and I have always had many ideas.
I guess if I trust myself, I could be able to create real cool clothes with time who knows?
but right now I am totally ignorant about sewing and honestly I have never been very patient with that thing!
My friend Vanessa wants to learn to sew too so I guess it will be easier to learn together and share our tips :)
In January I had my first girl's day out with Ingrid, going out, doing shopping for our babies to come this year, eating out, it was really a lovely day!
I haven't been out with a girl friend since what...2003? perhaps 2002...I cannot remember.
It really lift my mood and we had a nice time.
I feel very lucky now to build friendships in the real life.
I have always known it was not impossible, it just alas needed time to be real.
This year's gonna be wonderful, I feel it.
Everything will be new and real, tangible, felt,magic...I am going to learn so much!I am going to live so much!
We are going to Love so much!
sebastien and I (with Takkun) did this yesterday.
I wish I could do more, I have some ideas but too tired really.
Maybe today if I can find some energy I will do some pregnancy pictures with the now so huge belly kicked and stretched from all parts by the lovely fae baby Nina :)
I have published another book:
it's all about our planet's wonder, and as always the profits go to Enfance Nepal the charity that helps children in Nepal and that I will keep on supporting along this year the way I can.
It makes my art be useful and also it helps me give back all I have been given by life and that luck to be able to create, express and find beauty in everything, everywhere.
I am blessed and grateful, thus it's important to share this.
Sometimes I doubt I am still an artist because I don't produce as much as I used to and I go everywhere, I don't really have a following line, well if I ever had one (laughing)
I just jump on the wave of creative energy and if it wants me to create sad things and then suddenly talk about bright light I just do it.
It's kinda like the weather,varied and unexpected.
The sun is shining right now, good, I am going to get some sun kisses on my skin :))
maybe no need for the boots ;)
I can see that in spite of my self doubts, I still am and will be an artist, I have to just keep expressing my soul as I do and share my own spark.
She kept a secret or two
My sweet Elise
Whatever the bird told you
They want her recipe of Bliss
Shimmers in her hair threads of words to connect
To your heart wires
The right way on the left
She colors her soul with her kitten kisses
Can you hear this neverending melody in her mind
The pastel carrousel is made of starlight chantilly
the sugar of life can be so easy
Just eat the grey clouds & found the silver lining
Get crowned and choose your king
The words on feather fly in the wind
My sweet Elise she knows how to cook the life juicy(...)
Going to the graveyard with Sara
She did not know which tomb to cross
I told her to take a picture of her heart
How many ghost would be dancing blurs on the film
Then write another twin story
Who cares when you are powerless not to repeat
The eye of the door
Sara at once open and closed
given and adorn
glowing and torn
you recite the same torment
spite the flowers
burn the seed
" take my threadbare pieces to weave on the same nets"
a beautiful starlite darkest sky with the words she had no time to steal
because I hate you
like a black and white twister all fakingly romantical
semantical lies and so much dirt under the greeny grass don't walk there
she lies under
the little toads always in the same swamps(...)
I still write poetry as you can see.
I have many poems in my head but I just don't always take the time to write them down.
I have another book of poems and selfies to publish as soon as possible, it'll be in English this time.
it feels different to write in French or English, and really I don't like to choose one language.
English has given me so much, I owe a lot to this language, to the teachers who taught, to my grandfather who was the first to teach me some English when I was a child, to all the penpals I met, as writing in English helped me learn always more and improve my English.
What I should improve right now would be my spoken English, I know it's my shyness but It would be so cool if I could really practise English every day or at least every week.
I'll find something in time.
Perhaps to make a foreign friend who lives nearby and wish to improve her French?
lately I have been quite into Charlotte Gainsbourg's music.
it sounds like a lullaby I love singing it to my baby :o))
I love how Charlotte sings with an British English accent.
A lot of people often talk about her like a voiceless singer and such, they sound a bit condescendent at times as if to be an artist you needed to scream at the top of your voice and do such exploits with your voice.
I have seen people who can do exploits but there is no soul, their singing is talented but insipid.
Charlotte sings with her core and soul, a wonderful and touching frailty that reaches my soul.
I have always felt connected to her because of her extreme shyness and the way she talks so low when she is not at ease.
I have been the same for years, though I guess somehow I improved that!
I guess what I regret perhaps is that I think she does not write her lyrics,but she knows how to be well surrounded to make great and original art with her album.
I need to buy her two albums.
I think 5:5 is very romantic, a bit tortured and melancholic and very apeasing.
IRM is more vintage, rock and she lets go much more!
In fact she seems to have grown a new deep confidence in opening up and talking more of her self and what she lived.
I adore when she is humming, it's soothing.
I love the lyrics I guess they are beck's , I believe it's a great collaboration!she must have had fun doing this.
I also love the fact it brings us back to the seventies at times, some songs like heaven can wait really sounds like coming from another era and so fun to sing and dance on ;))
you could inspire any blind babies
It's such a piece of cake in your landscape of empty space
Here come the little blue girl
she comes to take me home
Indigo frailty walking on the blades above the void
Today is lonely
Tomorrow is none
Misery mermaids swirling in my blue maelstrom
Entangled in those pearls of dew and doubts
The hushed words can heal
silence silence silence
Here come the blue girl to take me home
mend the peaces with some glue
paint some crosses on my heart
I see my paper wings fading away
I need a needle but nobody knows how to sew
Miracle of moth holes gentle darkness like a broken tune of a lullaby
goodbye blue girl
I want to come home
feathers under your feet they read some memories
a bag of wishes under my pillow
And a bucket of tears by the window
for the birds to drink
for the birds to drink and soar
I have also edited some of my flickr friends' self portraits:
I'm beginning to think and think a lot about the birth.
in two weeks I am reaching the beginning of the term.
which means entering the 9th month.
Seb and I will try to go to at least 3 birth class (it begins on the 15th of february)
if I have to give birth earlier I will already be at the maternity ;) so nothing to worry ^___^;;
Now it's a matter of weeks really and it goes so fast, I am a little nervous.
I deal very well with it, but now and then I realise I'm gonna have to give birth to this baby and though I am so eager to meet our precious sugarplum, it's something new,it's the unknown, even after reading so much on this and knowing a lot I have never given birth, at least not this physical ways ;)
I really hope to cope with the pain and to manage my stress so things go fine.
I know how anxiety could block the contractions so I hope to be able to find ways to relax.
I'm having homeopathy and acupuncture treatment this month.
I still want to give birth with no epidural and I so hope I will be able to do so, it's very important to me, I know how I would feel bad in my soul if not, except if it's not entirely my fault.
I want to live this moment deeply and to be there for my daughter.
and I can't wait to discover breastfeeding.
I know how moved I am going to be...phewww I already know I'll in tears for a long time, I will need to digest all the emotions and the fatigue(physical and emotional).
Thus I will likely not blog and show Nina's picture at once I guess.
I hope I'll be good at getting organised to structure our new way of living with a baby. I hope we will still have lovely together time seb and I.
Surely it'll be upside down in the beginning, but I am getting myself psychologically prepared to face this :)
I am reading a lot on the subject.
Thank you to those who have offered gifts to our lovely baby it touches my heart deeply!
Catriona dear, I got your package this weekend and I love it, you are so adorable!
Thank you so much!
May 2010 be bright and full of love for each and every of you!