Entering the 5th month of Pregnancy

So I have just seen my doctor
I'm 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant, which means I am in the 5th month and getting closer to the next u/s that I'm so waiting for!!

Today I heard my baby's heart again, it was really reassuring and so lovely to hear:)
I could never be bored or stop being amazed by this magic!

My blood pressure is very low which is surely why I got this almost fainting, stressful event last week!Oh I never had this before!
Even when I had panic attacks I could see things black suddenly and stiffle, but here Everything was turning around me, and I was walking on waves, walking like a drunkard trying to find help!
I was alone when it happened and it was dark so I got worried to just fall on the floor and Goddess knows what would have happened!
But luckyly I found help at my former neighbour's home, a lovely grandma that reminds me my own grandmother so much:)
I was very grateful!


and thank Goddess no more fainting event just lightheaded and fatigue.
I eat enough and healthy food.
I take my vitamines.so everything is alright, I just need rest!
ha! but I finally would like to take pictures of my pregnancy! or at least giving a try at this!

But for this I need to tidy the room that is the artist studio, baby's room and all:)
it's still a mess because I need to buy furnitures and fix shelves on the wall.

We should do this, this weekend I hope.


I have taken spontaneous selfies:


my face does not look different, just happier and sillier than ever ^___^;;
in fact being a mom to be, makes me more mature and also more childish at the same time
I know that with having kids you reconnect even more with your inner child and this is how you better understand, relate and communicate with your babies/children.

I am so eager to be a mother, to hold my baby...
It still seems so unreal to me, maybe also because I dont know the sex, so I dont know who is my baby, and what is her/his name ?

I cannot wait for this!







She bled the word of her hatred for life
cages with candles and nowhere to go
She said I want to die in an hour
I said dance dance dance little sister
Aware of her contagious darkness she cut her hair
Tick tock feathers thorns and hands away
caressing the void everyday
She said I want to die in an hour
In the cupboard a diary
Demons are knocking at her door at the magic hour
She cannot face the face of her real desire
pages of lies she tries to believe
Little sister dance dance dance
He said "even if life is terrible days can be so beautiful"
I know by heart the sound of your devilish girls
I had the same in my hair
all mean witches entangled to my rotting kites
I wish they were kittens
I wish the snow had covered the flames
I wish I had a sister to understand my pain

She said I cannot live my life I hate my soul and the mirror
breaks in my heart
how many more years without
She said I want to die in an hour
I said dance dance dance little sister(...)
***

yesterday I was inspired by a girl who reminded me when I was younger and that's why I just wrote this quick creative writing, sounds like a song...
I wish I could help her.
I still wish I could help others to find a better way to be free, to be themselves, to see clearly , to stop intoxicating themselves with wrong beliefs and self depreciation or selflessness, it is so sad...



I dont look like myself on this image, I think it's one of the interestingness of photography and retouching images:)
how we can play with personas, and recreate things that are deep within.









I am still enjoying creating images, it's been a while and I'm slowly tiptoeing back towards my inner muses and enjoying a dance or two;)

and I hope to paint again soon but this requires so much energy and concentration that I don't have at the moment, so I am being patient.



and this was my 3 months pregnant belly;)
so I hope to find time and energy to take more creative and even artistic ones soon, if I can,if inspiration is there!

Seb and I got our PACS and are so glad about it:)

nothing romantic about this but to us it's an important step towards a wedding later;)
but now I am calling him my husband and truly it just sounds so lovely!

we celebrate at the restaurant but we will surely celebrate again with seb's dad, then seb's mom and my parents who are coming for a rather long visit on 6th november!
The day of the next u/s isn t this just too cool?

I am so happy!

I have many ideas about the baby's room decoration, but we will do that in late november I guess.
Last weekend we invited a couple of friends, our brand new friends here that are really nice people!
So I cooked for them, a real meal with everything cooked by myself:)
I could realise how tiring it is, especially while being pregnant, but I really had fun and I feel good when I cook.
I love to please people and also to learn to become a real Chef ^___^

In fact I have always been interested by the art of cooking, the creativity behind this, but right now I am just following recipe and doing them with my own touch but later when I'm good and confident I'll try to be creative:)
But I'll never keep a food blog, I love them, they are very interesting but I have so many other things to do and blog about;)



The book is still selling and I got great feedbacks about it:)
buy your copy here

keep on buying it and make the profit for the charity Enfance Nepal au touvet increase!!!
This makes me so happy each morning to see a new sale!
I am very proud of this book, it's for me a real achievement in something I have always wanted to do for ages and I just collected ideas for years and never started something real!
This is a real step in helping others with ART/HEART
and this means so much to me because it's the path I am following no matter what they say ;)