The up and downs of the end of the second trimester

I'm in the 6th month of pregnancy and so upset that the second trimester was not like they say everywhere better in every way...
The more it goes the more tired I feel and it's even hard to walk...

We went to the gyno for another u/s


at least we got this time a picture of her lovely profile.
It's always moving and everytime I only think about my love for her I have tears in my eyes.

The baby is rather low and the way she said so did not reassured me so much...
she really said that now I really have to rest.
Of course everything is fine with me and the baby, but the fact the baby is low and the head looks down already, it's like she is ready to flip down and eager to meet us ahah!

I just needed to cry after the apointment
I was all worried and unable to think positive.
Thank goddess sebastien can do this for us.
I must say that I hardly sleep at night and Goddess knows why I took about 2kg in two weeks, out of the bue!
I am not eating like a pig at all, I am eating healthy and am being careful with all sugary things.

It's not easy for me to just put on weight like this, slowly is right but suddenly no way cuz I worry it's not good for the baby either.
So I am trying not to eat in the night anymore but sometimes I am just so hungry.

I also have anemia which is mild for now so I keep my finger crossed it wont get much worse.

I so envy the beautiful pregnant women who feel just fine euphoric and full of energy!
When my sister said it was one of the best time in her life, oh my!
I would not say it was the worse but it's really so exhausting and physical and weird too.

I feel a little sad not to have a great and easy pregnancy.

but I did a virtual babyshower and the little gift truly made me my day and cheered me up!


It's so adorable!
I am beginning to fill the drawers with girl clothes finally, it makes me smile and makes me feel so eager to see my baby.

This weekend was again so busy, not time to tidy so much.
errands, seb's father visit and then on sunday we went to eat at our friends where we live!
and it was un diner presque parfait ^___^
we had a real nice time.

It's really something great in our life now to have a couple of friends to meet and invite for lunch.

******
last week was very draining with too much lack of sleep at night and feeling bored in the day unable to do things,tidy and all...feeling so diminished in a way!

But anyways, my gyno said REST I have to be sensible and rest, it just sounds boring!

Last week I discovered that singer: Polly scattergood, I love her name, Polly how cute!


Bitter teeth and the wind in my hair
Twister bits of summer in my lonely box
22 novembers too many ceilings how many skies
The dark kills you never the dark kills you never
Can you hear the silence in the attic
The spirits are dancing eerie early morning chilly dusk
Who will remember her now
You just need to tape her mouth no sound no sound please
Even the wind has its dirtiest secrets
Burry me all that dirt burry me all the rotten desserts and those threadbare skirts
Can you hear now in the attic
silently behind you
the screams tearing apart each of the different path on your soul map

Et le sang sur mes mains fait du bien

nothing is ever unscathed
It's november bites
Harder each year
22 autumns
The leaking will be fixed with this touch
If I can forget to remember the hurt
Under my finger the words
The words the words the world to me
22 novembers it hurts


Music is always so good, such a soothing and inspiring company.
I so love English accent, so beautiful!
There is so much poignant emotions in her music and songs, I felt truly touched, moved and it was kind of a reminiscence of places I've been.

and to think december I will enter the third trimester, the so called worste trimester!
If I can be more tired oh well...
I just hope my daughter will be patient until at least late february.





Mes robes sont pleines de sang mais je ne peux pas m'en empêcher
c'est si bon
ces sentiers vermeilles qui m'émerveillent
La douleur quand elle n'est plus la mienne
je serre plus fort les noeuds
j oublie enfin ceux dans mes cheveux
Je tire plus fort sur la corde
Est ce que ça mord dis est ce sa mort
les petits poissons empoisonnés
I loved it when he called me cruel pisces
cruel cruel crude pieces
On s'allonge sur les cauchemars de soie
c'est doux parfois tous ces frissons d effrois
pourtant elle en vomirait encore ses tripes
des allées et venues des châteaux abandonnés des toiles d'araignées
Ma bouche ou la sienne c'est la même
le même goût des cafards sur ma langue
la brûlure du froid de l hiver naissant
Il neige sur les tombes
tombe les sortilèges
sous ma jupe des ciseaux et parfois des petits oiseaux
ils dorment je crois qu'ils dorment ils sont tout froids tout contre moi
en peau à peau contre mes maux
Je ne peux pas m'en empêcher c'est si bon
ce rouge amer quand tu fermes les yeux sur ton dernier matin
ça fait du bien
les draps raconteront tes sordides histoires de nuits infinies
c'est si bon la nuit
pouvoir arracher toutes les traces eaux fortes sur mon âme
sans aucune vague

Writing always make me feel so good, relieved and happy in many ways.
It's like running up the hills where there are the talking glittering lilac trees.
I feel home whenever I write.whatever it is.
Even nonsense, twisted words,dark dirt or lovely poems full of love...



I found that old pic of us and thought did we change that much?
and of course we did, not only physically but in our mind and soul.
Our soul are wealthy of all the things we lived all the memories we shared.
I am blessed to have all these memories with Sébastien...In the past I had begun a memory book in which I would write each of the best and sweetest of funniest moments!
There would be way too much to add now to it!
and alas our human brains are too limited to keep it all inside, memories sometimes fade a bit.


The seeds Of Your Higher Sacred Purpose In Your Heart


It's not so easy to show our pregnant body.Whenever I look at myself in the mirror naked, I kinda think how enormous by belly is and feel like Bibendum ^____^
it's not so pleasant.
But I am lucky to be able to play with photography to tame this new body and make it look as sensual as spiritual.
Anyways it's kinda sad when perv have to see and look at this as sexual when it's one of the purest kind of nude art to show women bearing Life.








I hope my daughter knows and feels how much we love her already.

I know she will be a very sensitive soul...
I can't wait to hear her voice, her laughter, see her smile...






This year I am glad I won't "boycott" xmas, I am even rather glad of it, cant wait to get my xmas tree with the sweet scent of chilhood dreams to it.
I'll just have to be careful with food ha!
But I have always loved eating, it's such a pleasure and now that I have this new passion for cooking good meals, it's really dangerous for my slim body ...well
I believe after pregnancy I'll get my body back.
I am lucky enough not to have stretch marks or anything so I just have to be careful, no more french fries and pizza, less cheese in pastas ;) and voilà!

It's a new week, I have to find ways to be positive and not let the fatigue make me all depressed and moody.

I have to take an apointment to the maternity to open a file and also to begin in december the childbirth classes.
I guess I will need seb to come with me everytime, I don't feel at all able to drive alone, I had another fainting episode on saturday before the gyno's apointment and it was just awful!I had to sit down in the parking before the shop, my eyes could not focuse on anything...lucky me a really nice couple came to me and they were very helpful and understanding, even the woman in the shop gave me a chair...I hope not to have this anymore though, it's so scary!( and well driving is not so easy now with the belly...but seb is not driving yet.
He has begun taking lessons with his friends so hopefully soon he will drive for me.)

a little more of three months to go...I know 2010 will be a wonderful year.
2009 was a year of endings.closure.And as always we learn so much in this.

2010 will be the beginning of something so new!