vendredi 17 octobre 2008

Let go, sing out loud & dance with all the Goddesses,sorceresses and sprites within

I do know it's exhausting me when I take the time to make a bloke that cannot get my work shut his mouth.
it's a waste of time.

After all there will constantly be people who will say your paintings are crying way too much.
I remember with a smile my beginnings in mixed media art.
It was all naive, innocent,cute and mostly smiling art.
I used vintage images and mostly children that I turned into fairies.

At first I wanted to do what I admired in others with my own touch.
I wanted to reveal the power of my Fae child and I used the power of dreams, what can connect me to Innocence.
to the realm of Purity.Hopes.

Loving Kindness

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
... Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.

Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty,
medium, short or small,

The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born —
May all beings be at ease!

Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.

Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;

Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.

Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding....
(la metta, Loving Kindness Prayer)

that really is a prayer that I love.
Something I want to keep on spreading.
But I also think sometimes some people should get a kick in the butt for the way they dont respect your soul or say or write things with no sense at all showing how much they lack of empathy.
But yet perhaps they just cannot enter and get our souls.
Yes we should not care.

For after all this will always happen.
being misread.
being misinterpreted.
being labelled.

It's alright.
we are still who we are.
we are not the eyes that look at us.

We are our soul.
In time of deep melancholly that is what remains.
we are our soul.
Thus we are not alone therein.

Tethered( if you hurt I hurt)

I made this painting of Demeter protecting Persephone till she's no more inside her for a book project with Ruth Eichmiller and Kristin Hoffmann.
I hope this project will work, I hope it will bring its fruits.
But for now, it does.
It inspires me and it's teaching.
it's opening things, it's easy for me to relate when reading it.

I believe many things could be related to that Demeter/Persephone's pain.
When we dare give birth to something, and put it out there.
make it real.
give it life.
face it.
We cannot protect it anymore.
it's no longer a secret.
no longer inside.
you feel so weak then.
And your baby can dive in the underworld.
The way things are.

I believe every downfall has new things to bring, new horizons to open,so I don't fight to deny my state.
Not happily bleeding but I kind of know the process now.
Or should I say the procedure?
to endure.

I often have my strange moments of ecstasis in chaos.
Some kind of reaction that is totally the opposite to what I've learnt, how I feel etc.
It's strange, but honestly I prefer to laugh at it & enjoy.
It's just like clowns are funny but the ones who hurt the most for sure.
It's good to laugh, it's perhaps healthy to be able to laugh at oneself.
why, we should not even take our pain too seriously?

well the more I think of this the more I agree with doctors who says there is no chemical imbalance tests.
and anti depressent are fucking up the body and have sides effects.

Being depressed is a part of life.
It's the dying of illusions.
It's a path towards spiritual maturity.

Oh my love oh my coward
Title: Oh my love oh my coward!

you left with my words you thief!

title:you left with my words you thief!

Thought I was your little Miss Poem

Don't call this Love please

I am you and your army dreamers

A ma Folie

Oui c'est vrai! Clowns have feelings too

A girl was asking what do I think when I paint those things?
well I really love trees on the head because I've always compared the spirit with a tree, growing branches, having dark roots, some can be cut, some has to be cut, but we always remember where we come from & our flowery branches never denies or dark roots
we're as one.
at peace.
no struggle for nothing.

Anytime I begin struggling, I say" what's the heck? you're meant to be a positive thinker how can you go back to the underworld?how can you be so melancholic again and why so much dark art?"

I breathe. I think.I pause. And I know.
I just have to do what I have to do and to be what I am, who I am.

It's okay with me.
It looks like this void that I know by heart

It's okay to be who I am.
I can also handle it in my friends.
The fact they can be so alive, playful and smiling, so enthusiastic and full of youth in their soul and then fall again and be so depressed, and silent, and need time on their own...

Why can't I live you?

This world truly lacks of depths, lack of empathy,emotional communications , I believe us artists are here for this!

That might sound self assured or pretentious but I don't mind.
I know who I am.
I know why I'm here for.
Sometimes I just forget and sometimes I ache my feet because I'm not wearing the right shoes or no shoes at all.

How long this godawful blood leaking in my chapel?
title:How long this godawful blood leaking in my chapel?

At the first raw
invisible guest or just empty chairs
contemplating my fate
This coffin of photographs with dust and grain
Black and white just like the core of the core
I gaze at the photo when suddenly I am submerged
At the edge of my eyes
leaking blood in my little chapel
My eyes can not feel a thing but this suffering
A moment
Thought it would be the snow on this numb ache
I am seized by the blessing
And I choke under my smile such an ancient smile
Feels like centuries away
My body shakes with the sobs
my soul feels so old
Then the sketch of a sad smile
Trying to sip back a taste of that moment
Impossible to recollect all those butterflies
My net is pierced everywhere
Thus the rain again bleeding from the walls
why didn't you sit down next to me?
Why couldn't I feel the light touch of your hand?
I know I know it would have killed me now(...)

Memories unlived

I'm in a strange phase of my life.
I want to believe this will just be nothing at all.
But I've studying love, relationship, enticement and how it all works.
I'm not saying I know it all.
But I've seen processes,how easy people can be flirtatious.
I still cannot explain the detail that grabs a soul and make it fall in love that you grow some kind of faith towards this person.

I believe somehow it is the connection,closeness of souls and the giving receiving balance.
balanced devotion.
Something rare.
Does that mean I believe in Love?
it's like asking to I believe in Happiness?

All these things would take hours to detail, to go deeper inside them.
I would often say I want something I can't believe in.

I've had depression,I've overcome desillusionment.
Do I want to face it again?

I partly believe that this life is made of Blissful moments and those have to be lived with awareness.

Découvrez Sarah Slean!

Et s'ils n'étaient pas si fragiles

Nice to meet you the pain is all mine

And I am aware Happiness is not someone or the fact my life could have begun.
My life is.
And I am.I am. I am.
what is it to exist?
to be looked at? heard?loved?seen?
I am.

And I do this for me too.
And everyone should love themselves too.

Découvrez Sarah Slean!

It's only little scratches while purity bleeds silently in her attic

Awake your goblins
Don't you hear the sound of sorceress
don't you hear the witch has awoken from her century slumber
Hear her moans in the woods
Like forgotten incantation that warm your insides with a threat
awake your little devilish girls for the feast on crumbs
We're gonna celebrate our bruises & scars
It's our Omega juice
Bleeding much more than so called truths
No intruders in our tree hangers delights


while dissecting the ladybirds we finally could read their mind
Sonnets in between wings
I'm so sorry I killed the ladybirds while wanting to get rid of the spiders
Crawling all inside her
And then my arsonist burnt each letters unsent
Each glow quietly burried no chant no funeral for her Poem
Only a strong fire
But the flames began to glide their own agony
Fall was there with the dead leaves books of memories unsaid
The black holes in my eyes could not utter the hatred
As tangible as the sheer cowardice to live in words
so she only cut an 8 on my heart
I should be healed by now
The blazing nonsense was circuiting in my veins
Erasing each sigh of you each step each sound
Did you exist she asked me in the night
Of course not you were but a fiction
Another page in my diary
Another corpse in my coffin heart

Breathe in
So in my new Fall.
collapse of soulquakes.
rivers of tears.
I am alive.

I feel pain, I do.
It just makes me another human being just like you right?

I am free of fears today in this painful ecstasy because I feel, I can touch my strength and how much I can resist to pain.Maybe it's my illusion.Maybe it is real.
I may fall
But it's okay.

I let go.
I'm ready to let go.
Today I let go.
The fall is soft.
I am protected by my guardian angels.

I can feel the air on my skin.
I can feel the peeling of memories lived or unlived.

I'm not fighting.I'm not waiting anymore.I'm not asking. Not begging anymore.
Not my role to make others act the way I want them to.
Not my role to make others understand what they cannot comprehend.
Not my reason to live to complete another or make them feel alive.
I let go.

I stretch my arms in this fall.
I'm like a cross but I'm weightless.
Nothing to bear anymore.
naked. body+soul.
Real.More vulnerable as ever.
but not scared.
I embrace my incompleteness.
I celebrate my imperfection.

I let go.
And I heal myself in this.
I will live through this.
I will rise up through this.

And it's okay if there is no hands to catch me so I don't hurt myself.
It's okay if there is nothing and no one.
I fall and I feel.
It's okay if I'm alone.
I know this by heart.

I won't allow this to make me bitter.
I know myself I'm always stronger.

And I'm a true sincere and honest lover.
and I will love her.
My inner lover
I will feed her.

I'm all I need today.
This is my own fall.
I'm not a victim.

I just am being realer as ever.

I may end up living on my own.
I may never belong.
I may never get married.
I may never get pregnant.

I am still belonging to this this circle of sensitive souls who wants to create,inspire,give,love and share always.
The empaths. The ones who works with light/love.
The ones who still cares and can find beauty and wonders in the little details of this life.

I am married to myself.
satin and silk.
I am pregnant of art.
my babies are : poems, paintings, all this giving to the world that can hear.
And the ones who need to read this.

I don't need to be beautiful in your eyes.
I don't need to be half loved.
I don't need to be desired.
to be.
It's okay if I'm unwanted.

I don't need to need.
In this fall I catch up my independence as a woman.
My mind's strength.
I'm never alone when I decide not to abandon myself.
In the name of love
is constantly misused.

No one has to suffer for Love.To please everyone.
Love is no sacrifice.
This is pure crap poetry for your lonely inside goth baby.
There should not be a price to pay for true Love.
And if in the balance love is more suffering, you got to let go.

I'm letting go.
I'm healing.
I'm falling.
And it's alright.

It's the path to begin a new spiritual growth.
That's why I gave birth to: Ma sorcière.
a new persona.
She's gonna show me the way.

Honesty is not as soft as love

ani di franco, asking too much

6 commentaires:

isa a dit…

Wonderful paints !!
ISA ^_^

isa a dit…

Wonderful paints !!
ISA ^_^

Jen a dit…

you say so much
you blog is full of ideas and emotion and art~
so much to consider
major hug to you tonight/this and strength

Valaine a dit…

What I admire about you is your courage to write what you feel. I relate to a lot of what you said here! :)

Alberta and Ava a dit…

I discovered you this morning in Artful Blogging and was touched by what you wrote, especially what you said about making a difference. Since I started blogging in March, I too have discvered the power art has to heal. My art is what has saved me. I wish I had the ability to express myself in words as you do so eloquently and beautifully. I plan to come back and listen to your soothing words often.

Thank you,

Valaine a dit…

Hi Helenina,

I know you share much of yourself already, but I wanted to link to you because you inspire me!
If you have the time I have tagged you over at my blog :)