Slowly opening a new cycle of Life

Not feeling so good , think I'm going back to bed just after my shower.
But it's been ages I wanted to take the time to blog.
Whenever I had a spark of positive energy crossing me I felt wow I should blog I'm feeling wiser.
Then it passes and I feel so dark and gloomy again.

Emotions are such a strange realm.
powerful!


drink from the source within by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


riP my love rest in Poetry by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


dont ask me to speak by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART

These are the paintings 30x30cm that are hanged in New York at the APW gallery and the opening is on the 6th of March!

I hope some of my friends will go there and take pictures for me:)
on the APW blog you can already see the paintings hanged ;)

I am quite glad about this.
I believe it's important for my art to travel, they were glad to know they were going to be seen and perhaps heard ;)
yeah people should find their ways through a painting and listen to it, the poetic music of it.

It is real!

Oh gosh I am so sick today!
I have been so exhausted for several weeks, sleeping a lot helped me but I felt weaker and now I got some bad cold or something and I wonder if I'm not feverish.
my throat is sore and I'd rather sleep.
but Hey "I'm alive! thank God for the air in my lungs" ;)


peaces of you peaces of me by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART

this painting has been sold, the more I look at it, the more I feel its peace, harmony,like finally everything is at the right place, filled, apeased.
The face was inspired by a very big statue's head in a museum in thailand or some Asian country.
I found that face and that purest harmony was so beautiful to see.
Oh that's the kind of statue I'd love to buy:)
I would put this big serene head in my garden.

I wish one day I'll have a garden with a swing.
even a small one.
That would be beautiful!


oh pardon me by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART

one of my latest favourite, I loved how she came to me, how everything unfurled easily and that I was so comforted at the end of it.
ending a painting is like meeting a new friend, full of promises, excitement, wonders, sometimes I don't know everything about them, they have to tell me something or teach me something.


nothing at all the world to me by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


healing through another kind by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


promise me you will protect us by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


the enchanted realm of by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


je t aime Nina by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


no more lies theres nothing by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART

and that is the latest painting
title: No more lies theres nothing left

what is funny with painting it's that you begin it according to a mood and in the same day it can evolve and just suddenly change.
This painting was begin with some kind of sweet feelings and all of a sudden I felt incredibly sad and my pessimism strangled me that I had to express this chocking.







and I have nothing else. and there is nothing else.
Art is my lover, my God, my Savior.
Art knows no betrayal. Art is reliable.
Art makes me feel able.
Art burns for aeons.
Art solaces my sanity.
Art embraces all my neuroses.
Art is the key that leads to a door, that leads to a window, that keeps me flying.
Art is my last yearning.
Art is life, art is giving.Forgiving.
Art gives me babies.and keeps me alive.still.





she said : " I want to reach you in the most pain"
and I'll do this with all the things I am to be everything I am not
to discard the nostalgia
for I don't need any of these bandages
don't approach her she's so soft and frail
don't touch her they said she's tumbling
nerves like whimsical tinsels
And a mask that she's learning to bear just for you not to ever see
so you can't ever reach that beach anymore
she's dried and aloof
Those who want to swim are willing to lose their mind
Jump aboard then charming pirates
You'll never come back from those icy gales and waves of Kali
Maybe some sailors can awake her savior
Drench her whole with the thickest rain showers
Kiss my Rain and Kill my Adah
Put my bats and pebbles in your pocket
It's not a game anymore there is no confettis
there is no steps to follow in the Lands of Inertia
and all I'm pining for is some chaotic desert of disturbia
where the trees are the most twisted and they dare lick my face
"stupid I" she said
of course the fleeting women like I are enticed only if you lick their ego
You never seen the real thing I am
dandelion queen daturas teeth and bleeding wolves
When you see my eye's darkness you read the empty shell
you ripped it all you never promised a thing but you came like a vampire
You awoke my desires and the aborted dreams of a lifetime
stay on the threshold
you don't have the key
leave me to my Hell
and go back to the dirty cave you belong weak coward
"I am not your victim" she sighed
"don't try to be mine for I'll adore to be but a thorn on your side"





The perfume of underworld was so heavenly as I lay in the snow did I lie
profusion of lights in my dark in my arch of my back remembering the lacks
In the lake he left several Oscar Wild kisses as I smile with surprise
I didn't want to follow the roads to hell as I walked deep knee highs in the snow
I didn't want to believe the owl signs and the excruciating enigmas
But each of his murmurs on my shoulders was like electric aches
Euphoria billowing like the moist delicate light pink clouds
(...)





Houdan was lovely when it snowed.
The weather is less cold now, hopefully springtime is on the way.
can't wait for more sun, especially when you see the state I'm in :P

Eastern palimpsest I am breathing the words
When you tell me it's gonna rain I know I will be filled with dancing fires & lights
My lungs filled with a new dawn
travelling away from the sunsets of my soul
the trees are talking so much too much never enough
Open your eyes wider and open your hands for the spirit offerings
This journey is the divine exclamation marks avenue
What are you ready to connive to the strange kind of kin blaze
succumb to my dark if you know the life in my veins
you won't have to mourn the hours
they wave they coil they caress they entwine
pure and soft mangling
show me the entrance of the maze
I am feeling the coming Mystic Elation



quietened the storm of crows
I smile so mildly, bend the head
assuage my weather

can I tell the truth of today or the truth of yesterday
Invasion of blank calm, a sky to write on

you intrigue things in me. you stir heavens in me.Let the idealization be.

I smile and if you smile.
I will smile even more.

I cannot help this yearning. I want to know you and there are things you want sometimes and there is no questioning, these paths are all obstructed.

I will go on doing this. Insane as it can appear.
It is not.
you know.
I am sure you know.

This is just romantic.

(written in march 2008)

voilà!
sorry for the lack of words guys, I feel very tired & sick and I think I should probably rest the whole day.
I have stopped flickr.
My account mademoiselle helenina where I used to put my mixed media artworks got moderated which was totally absurd
so from now on I'll just use deviant art to be able to share my work through blog.

I also haven t done much photography work lately.
I have ideas and all just that I am resting. living in the inside for now.
cutting cords.
turning pages.
taking care of my self.
healing.
prioritizing my life.

I think I will try to blog more often to keep sharing my art and thoughts with people who are interested by this.
I also will try to go back to penpalling for finally it's realer to me to receive a letter than to share just internet friendship with people.
I need more real things, tangible things.
I miss mail in my letter box, receiving cards etc, it used to brighten my days!
I also want to make connections in real life and I'm working on that.

I have some other new paintings to share and I'm really glad about them.
what else?
well big thanks to all those of you who cares and send me smiles, kind words and all.
It is much appreciated!

Huge thank you to the beautiful Misty Mawn <3 who sent me the most lovely handmade mini journal:)
It was a wonderful surprise!
I always believe Misty Mawn is the artist who made me dare to paint to give a try at drawing even if I knew nothing about this.
Admiring her and seeing how much her world echoed mine I felt I had to let go and dare be the whole of me, the painter I was inside.
She is a beautiful inspiration! somebody I truly wish to meet one day:)

okay now I'm gonna take a shower and go back to bed.
Please send me good vibes so I can feel better pretty soon.

Blessings & Namasté!

Cela n'existe pas.I know now.

So we're all kind of screaming the same.

we, like star dust wanting to be seen in the eyes, in the depths of our souls.

One gaze is enough & can just turn my neurotic into the worse pathetic wreckish witch...
thank you for telling me I exist with your eyes & question marks. thank you.

Hey can you believe I smiled in between my latest post and now?
sighs.
sometimes even breathing is just way too difficult and Gosh how I get angry inside of me when I sound so miserable.

I know all these paths, I've tread them too many times, why the heck I'm going there again?
to find what? to know what?
the more I go down the more I awake the dark twin in me.
and then it's not so easy to love myself...

though I do.
Thank Goddess I'm still there for me for I just feel like I have nothing no one to rely on.
why do I feel this?

and screw all that fucking crap that will tell me I'm an artist this is how fucked up we all are.
all I know is that we're all so lonely at times. no matter what.

whatever.
I still wish there were more.

thanks for those who sent me kind words and support.



I close my eyes swirling in the music of shivers
I know your name I know your door
Fresh air of spring perfume in my lungs I breathe
can I climb up the stairs of your mind
certain rages can never subside
lush scent in the garden the orchid tides is coming
Freja take me by the hand like me she always love another dance
invisible gates nothing ever remains out of reach
wash the darkness with the pure
we can see the horizon we are a light
pink tourmaline and emeral in my veins
assuage the rime on the feather path with your question marks
they enter me
they caress me
they smile to me
they kiss me through
they obsess me
we all need reasons to be beautiful & to scatter the inside gem in glows(...)





Blinded by the flames falling into a well
well well well
down down down
is there any other end
I don't want to hear the blazing tongues
it hurts in the dark
I need to jump on my merry-go-round of poems
I can't stand this dress of wounds and bruises in the mirror
break the glass
I swam in the abyss of the hopeless romantics
I wanted to find their underwater graveyards
Did you know there is avalanche of stars in the depths of the ocean
It's only in my head
I can't stand the leaking
final door there is no answer
some silence cut me and some words slashed the core of me
I am still standing on this long empty road under a coma sky
I need to read my roads to elsewhere
teach you my language
The little ghosts tiptoed trying to find their place to hide
in me the enemy
I can't stand this bleeding
Where is my ship to another emotion galaxy
I cannot translate the rampage in my garden
flowers and petals disorder
can I swim to the tender share
where there exist a twisted & lonely soul care(...)





Siren in the darkest seas of me
screaming alarm S.O.S...S.O.S...
Terrifying void and lack of sense at the end of the cord
entangled wires oh so meaningless echoes of my veins
deadly descent for my soul fireflies
Hades hold me tight in his arms
The real violence is here before my eyes
when I could just vanish unnoticed in the light of my pain
Swallow more of the unsaid
A lack of word
a lack of glowing stitches from your soul
deadly strikes me
I can forever walk that haunted manor of dust
I can cling to memories and kiss my fears
silence of soul
seperation of self
surrender of sunset
sudden outward sorrow
such overflowing sighs
no elation no sacrifice just the wonderful black out
I'm crawling back to the Nihilist poets attic
fucking blurry ink and dots
soaking words
who's got an umbrella and a magical parachute
to fall in my hell
to reach my den
to take my hand
there is nothing no one and you won't understand(...)

Découvrez Tori Amos!